Psych Episode Scripts

N/A - Chivalry Is Not Dead... But Someone Is

Hey, look at us, man.
We got it pretty good, huh? Mmm, living in Santa Barbara, beautiful night, two perfect women on our arms.
How'd we do it? Hey, hey, is this Is this pocket square okay? Yeah, yeah, looks great.
Yeah? Yeah.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, are those the right glasses for these drinks? Because we can't Hey, hey, be cool.
We got this.
Hello, hello.
We're back.
Well, what does a lady have to do around here to get a dry martini? Patience is a virtue.
So are broad shoulders, but it doesn't mean I like to wait for them.
Cheers, ladies.
Are you all right? Would someone please tell me why you would drag Gus and I out of bed in the middle of the night to come down here and tend to an elderly woman who's simply resting her eyes? This is not a crime scene.
She's not dead.
You're not dead, are you? Shawn! What? Oh.
Will you focus, Shawn? We need this case.
Do something.
I can clearly see a victim.
In the prime of his life.
Spencer, we don't need your particular brand of theatrics here this evening.
Go home.
Go back to bed.
Lassie, are you kidding me? The death of this man is like staring my own mortality in the face.
If someone is out there killing handsome and youthful bachelors in Santa Barbara, then all of us are in danger.
Maybe not all of us, but certainly Gus and myself.
Spencer, we've been here all of eight minutes.
For all we know, he just slipped off the balcony and fell.
Well, in that case, we should all be looking for a banana peel.
Or a roller skate.
Perhaps a wet bar of soap, though that seems the unlikeliest of the three.
McNab, please escort these gentlemen out of here.
Okay, Lassie, okay, you win.
No reason to get excited.
Buzz, I think we can see ourselves out.
No sign of wrist fractures or ankle fractures.
Tell me this guy didn't try to brace his fall from 20 feet.
All right, let's start getting witness statements.
Who do you want, the creepy old ladies or the Ken dolls? The Ken dolls.
We're still waiting for toxicology to confirm, but it does look like he was dead before he hit the ground.
Appears to be poisoning.
So kudos to Mr.
Sorry, Carlton.
In Lassie's defense, toxicology is not a science.
Actually, it's the science of studying toxins.
Get out of here.
No, it is.
Well, I guess that does make you look a little foolish.
You know what? I've got the homerun suspect on this one.
Once I was given five minutes to collect my thoughts, I recognized the victim's date as one Gillian Tucker, formerly Miss Gillian Vanderholt.
Oh, I thought I recognized her.
She used to be married to Walter Vanderholt.
Closed the case on his suicide five months ago, but something never sat right with me.
What are you getting at? I think she murdered her husband and got away with it.
Now she's dating our victim, and suddenly he's dead, too? Come on, Chief, let me run with this one.
What if we let them work together? Separately, but together.
That lonely bald guy in the corner makes no sense.
Am I the only person that's freaked out he's been sitting there the whole time? Henry, this is your call.
You're the one in charge of consultants.
You're not afraid of the competition, are you, Shawn? Of course not.
As long as it doesn't involve people trying to best each other.
Well, I'm up for it.
Matter of fact, I've already won.
I know, you know That I'm not telling the truth I know, you know They just don't have any proof Embrace the deception Learn how to bend Your worst inhibitions tend to psych you out in the end All right, let's bag and tag everything in the victim's medicine cabinet and move on over to Gillian the cradle robber.
Just Why is it that a wealthy older man can date a younger woman and he's a hero, yet an older woman chooses to empower herself and date a younger man, and she's considered some sort of social pariah? Because it's gross.
Spencer, what the hell are you doing? Sorry, Lassie.
It was not my intent to cause you to make that noise in front of the group.
But in order to get into the mindset of the victim, I rented American Gigolo last night.
You think this is prostitution? Lance Tolkin didn't have a job, Jules.
He's dating a woman twice his age and there's a Super Troopers pinball machine in his bedroom.
It didn't pay for itself.
Gus, I'm going to need some help here.
Just stay out of our way, Spencer.
Killing with Class.
The Art of Seduction through Charm and Sophistication.
The question is, who exactly is he killing? Hmm.
"To Lance, one of my most artful "and gentlemanly students.
Happy hunting.
Cordially, Clive Prescott.
" Clive Prescott.
Gus, I do believe we found a lead of our own.
How's your feet? I can't feel them.
Wait, Gus.
I need you to be my legs.
Gentlemen, if you want to continue spend your nights with diner waitresses and tollbooth attendants, then by all means carry on your miserable way.
But if you want to surround yourself with sophistication, with elegant women who can give you anything your heart desires, then ask yourself the question, what is the picture that you are painting of yourself? What is this, like fight club for butlers? For instance, what did these two, uh, boys do wrong? Ah, there must be some sort of mistake.
We're not students.
I'm Psychic Detective, Shawn Spencer.
This is my partner, Chaz Bono.
Psychic detective.
Gentlemen, this is just what I'm talking about.
If you're going to create a fake occupation, at least make it sound real.
I'm also a pharmaceutical salesman.
Well, that sounds pathetic.
And it's certainly not sexy.
Seriously, dude, this whole gentleman thing is not for me.
I mean, it's a little bit dated, don't you think? What I think, is that with my method, there is no eligible woman I couldn't seduce.
How about you? Let's just say I do fine on my own, okay? I'm good.
Really? Really? What do you mean, "Really?" What do you mean, "Really?" When was your last successful relationship? Define relationship.
The way in which two or more concepts, objects or people are connected or the state of being connected.
I hardly think Emmanuel Lewis is an authority on relationships.
May I ask you a personal question? Sure.
Have you ever been tested for idiocy? We're here to conduct official police business, and we've got some pretty serious questions for you about the death of one of your students, Lance Tolkin.
Gentlemen, I think we can call it a day.
I'm telling you, she's not going to show.
By now, she's probably halfway to Acapulco.
Carlton, let's not jump to conclusions.
Gillian Tucker is still a very prominent woman in this town.
Look, O'Hara, in my book, it's pretty cut and dry.
This sick twit sees an opportunity to off her rich, older husband, and then she gets herself a little boy toy.
But who knows, maybe he figures out her secret, so she decides to off him, too, and then it's on to the next set of pecs.
Maybe the killing feels good, like the soft, supple flesh of a man buck.
You disturb me.
And your theory on this murder disturbs me.
And you disturb me.
You said that twice.
I'm so sorry to keep you waiting, officers.
This whole ordeal, since it happened, I'm just beside myself.
I find it difficult just getting out of bed.
Miss Tucker, thank you very much for coming down here.
We just have a couple of questions.
Please, have a seat.
Do you recognize me, Miss Tucker? I was the detective looking into your late husband's suicide.
No, I believe that was a much younger man.
Less salt and pepper.
We are very, very sorry for your loss, Miss Tucker, and seriously, I'm sorry, you just got out of bed? You know, you have a funny way of mourning.
You sure didn't waste any time getting back on that horse after your husband's death.
I'm late for a business meeting.
I don't ride horses, Detective.
Miss Tucker, are you trying to seduce me? Not even a little.
I'm not going to lie, I was not in a happy marriage, but I have my own way of mourning and I assume you have yours as well.
What is a woman my age supposed to do, Detective? Knit? Carlton, can I talk to you for a second? Now? Hmm? Carlton, she is not going to a business meeting.
I think she's going on a date.
What makes you say that? Well, who's she doing her hair and makeup for, you? Maybe.
It's called being a detective and a woman.
She's being interviewed by two homicide cops, and she's primping like that? Not for a meeting.
And if she's lying about where she's going, she's lying about other things, too.
Maybe you're right.
We should tail her.
That's not what I said.
O'Hara, would you stop disagreeing with me when I'm agreeing with you? Mmm-mmm.
Can you tell us about Lance Tolkin? Can I? Meaning do I have the neurological and verbal ability to do so? Sorry.
Will you? I've heard it both ways.
Maybe on a farm you have.
Lance Tolkin had not yet mastered the art of, um, manners.
I'll leave it at that.
I'm sensing the exact opposite.
Didn't you refer to him as one of your most artful students? One point for you, psychic.
Did something happen between you two? Look, was he a good student? Yes.
Did he show potential? Perhaps more than the others.
He was good, but maybe not as good as he thought.
You sound a little angry.
Anger is easy.
A gentleman takes his ire and turns it into insight.
That's in chapter three of my book.
Good day.
What's that? Hmm.
"Dear Gentlemen, thank you for your inquiries "about the death of my former student, Lance Tolkin.
"Good luck with the investigation.
"Cordially, Clive Prescott.
" What the It's a thank you note.
This is what I'm talking about.
This guy's playing with us, Gus.
This whole gentleman thing is a sham.
I'm going to prove it, too.
Eyes peeled, O'Hara.
This is where we let her hang herself.
What Guster, what the hell? That's a good way to get yourself shot.
What the hell are you wearing, Spencer? I ain't Spencer.
I'm Soup Can Sam.
And unlike some detectives, when Gus and I show up for a stakeout, we try to blend in with the regular people.
Well, who's Gus supposed to be? I'm a regular guy in a car.
I blend in fine.
Well, at least someone finally realized who the right suspect is.
I guess someone did.
Hey, he thinks we're tailing her? She's obviously meeting her new boy toy.
Maybe one even younger than the last.
Younger? Who do you think she's meeting with? Justin Bieber? Lassie, have you considered the possibility that she's the victim here? Here we go! Who the hell is that? That's our guy.
Clive Prescott.
Shawn, what are you getting at? We know who the murderer is.
And we have the homerun suspect.
And he is Santa Barbara's biggest dirty, rotten scoundrel.
The cops already got my statement the night of the crime.
I know, we read your statement.
We have questions of our own.
We now believe someone may have poisoned Mr.
Tolkin's drink.
Do you remember what his drink orders were that night? Uh, normally I wouldn't, but his caught my attention.
It was different, classy, cool.
Sea breeze.
Uh, no.
A Gabardine Hightail.
Two parts Brora scotch, one part Drambuie, a teaspoon honey.
It was Mr.
Tolkin's favorite.
In fact, Miss Tucker brought a private bottle of Brora scotch for me to keep behind the bar that night.
Just for Mr.
Did she now? We're going to need that bottle.
Yes, Dad, we're following him now.
I'm surprised you didn't ask to sit in the back seat.
Your hunch was more than good, Shawn.
Prescott's last known liaison was Lorraine Bell, one of the wealthiest widows in Santa Barbara.
Maybe we should check her out when we're finished here.
Yeah, it's going to be kind of hard.
She's dead.
She went on vacation with Prescott to South America and never came back.
Died in a drowning accident.
That's interesting, Pop, but, uh He's slowing down.
We got to go.
Wait! Wait, Shawn.
I think this guy is dangerous.
I want you to be careful.
I think my dad is starting to like me.
Look at that, Gus, he's literally taking her to the bank.
What's the next stop? The cleaners? Dude, I thought you said we were just going to follow him? That wouldn't be very much fun, now would it, Gus? What are you gentlemen doing here? I'm here to see my money.
They keep it in a special room in the back with a trampoline.
I'm going to roll around in it for a while, maybe make it rain.
It's sort of like that movie Indecent Proposal, except no sex.
Maybe sex.
Miss Tucker, I'm Shawn Spencer, psychic detective with the SBPD.
I'm sensing that you enjoy the company of younger men.
And for obvious reasons, I can't take my eyes off of you.
If you're done sniffing us, we have an appointment.
Excuse us.
What the hell was that? The manager's hair? No.
You heard what my dad said.
This guy fleeces women and they end up dead.
We got to keep him away from her, slow down this train until we get the proof that we need.
Shawn, is this about your ego and trying to prove that you have more game than this guy? Gus, I've never been more offended.
That would be a nice bonus.
You're on your own.
Miss Tucker, I apologize for being so abrupt, but as a psychic, my gift is connection.
Knowing without saying, learning without asking, eating without chewing.
It would be my pleasure to accompany you on the town this evening.
Perhaps we could paint it purple since we were both born in February.
That's amazing.
How did you do that? Little bit of this, whole lot of that, and just a tinge of Um, would you mind if I had a word with Mr.
Spencer? Oh.
What do you think you're doing? Obviously, I'm flirting with the newly available widow that happens to be your dear, dear friend.
Yeah, well, you're way out of your league, so why don't you back out? Oh, you think I can't handle your game? It's not a game.
That's your first mistake.
Ah! You just pushed my competitive button, and now it's on.
I'd be frightened if you were wearing any buttons.
Miss Tucker, I am so sorry to have exposed you to these juvenile antics.
Clive, I think he's rather adorable.
So is a gibbon, but have you ever tried to eat with one? No, this man-boy here lacks all culture, elegance, and he smells of buffalo wings.
Ha! That is where you are wrong, sir.
What you're smelling are buffalo wing-flavored Snyder's pretzels of Hanover.
It's America's pretzel.
And Hanover's, obviously.
Do you see now why this would be such a bad mistake? Gillian.
Have you ever dated a man who was triple jointed? Wow.
Um, no, I can't say that I have.
That's a shame.
I was hoping to discuss it with you tonight on our date.
Well, I must say, you are an original, Shawn Spencer.
And I think it would be a breath of fresh air to dine with you, and precisely what I need right now.
You've got to be kidding me.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm going to have to leave right now or I'm not going to be ready for tonight.
I'm sorry, Clive.
Guess you'll have to open this safety deposit box some other time.
One stipulation.
My friend Eugenia was recently disappointed by a gentleman friend and she could use some company.
Do you have someone for her? As a matter of fact, I have the perfect gentleman.
Shawn, this isn't happening.
Gus, don't be George Hamilton's reaction when Ashley came to him and said, "Dad, I think I'll become an actor, too.
" Keep an open mind.
This is about solving a murder.
Hello, ladies.
Your tramps have arrived.
Well, first things first.
I always like to give a little get-to-know-you something.
Oh, my goodness, I don't know what to say.
This is Oh.
This is a little bit awkward only because I don't wear earrings.
I mean, I used to back in the day, three of them, but that was just because of Tears For Fears.
Shawn, those are cufflinks.
Of course they are, Gus, don't be ridiculous.
Oh, um Gus? Yes.
Uh, would you care for some gum? Oh, I only have one piece left.
We could split it.
Eugenia's been staying with me since Walter died.
She doesn't like to go out much.
It hasn't worked out with any of the men I've set her up with.
Maybe Gus'll be the one.
Genie, isn't Gus handsome? No.
Eugenia, don't look.
Don't look.
Don't look.
Gabe McKinley is over there with that tramp, Olivia Ainsley.
Gabe was Eugenia's date at the benefit.
It didn't work out.
I can't imagine why.
We both are so sorry to hear that.
You're not pulling your weight.
I'm trying.
Every time I smile at her, she puckers at me.
I'm not used to the pucker, Shawn.
Gillian said she's into gardening.
Ask her about flowers.
I don't know anything about flowers.
Just ask her something.
So, Eugenia.
Exactly how old are you? This is the Limox Viventi Cabernet Dumont.
May I? May you? Or can you? I think he got it right the first time.
All right.
Actually, we haven't ordered wine.
This wine is complements of the gentleman sitting right there.
He's getting up.
Take him out.
What? Take him out.
Sweep the leg.
I'm not sweeping his leg, Shawn.
Why won't you ever sweep the leg? Good evening, everyone.
Well, this is unfortunate, isn't it? You walk all the way over here only to discover that there is not room at this table for you.
Shawn! Don't be silly.
There's an empty seat right here.
Thank you for that gracious invitation.
I don't know how much of a wine connoisseur you are, Mr.
Spencer, but I think you will find the Dumont both nutty and shy.
Very familiar.
That was Gus on the first day of kindergarten.
Well, it's true.
You didn't talk to anyone.
You peed in your cubby hole.
I'd say that's pretty nutty, wouldn't you? Okay.
Excuse me.
I'm going to join her.
What's up? What's up? You boys play nice.
Not together.
Look at you.
You're like a scared chicken at a slaughterhouse, and I've just rattled your cage.
You're right about the cage, but I'm a rabid hamster, and I'm just getting started, Jack.
Hello, Professor.
I see you're with Miss Ainsley tonight.
Why yes, I am, sir.
First date.
Seems to be going well.
Good for you.
I think you've dated everyone in this restaurant.
Well, sir, I learned from the very best.
But perhaps I'm not as good as Mr.
You're here with Miss Tucker? Hmm.
I was under the impression she was off limits.
Off limits? Well, yes.
Everyone was fair game except for her.
Isn't that right, Professor? I guess that makes you a very brave man, Mr.
Doesn't anyone use first names anymore? Hey, good luck.
I won't be needing any of that.
What's the deal with that? I don't It goes We must remember this wine when we go to Peru.
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
Clive is taking me on a business trip to South America.
I've decided to invest in art, and he's found a wonderful painter in Lima that he thinks I might be interested in.
She went on vacation with Prescott to South America and never came back.
Died in a drowning accident.
Gillian, it's a little stuffy in here, don't you think? A little bit? What do you say the four of us roll on out, hit some place a little less Prescotty.
Well, where did you have in mind? It creates the perfect crease crust, that's it.
Allowing all toppings to snuggle up and get warm under a blanket of cheese.
And bite.
Mmm is right.
Okay, this makes no sense.
How can she not be into me? Why do you care? I didn't, but now I do.
No one over the age of 32 shuts this down.
Would you stop thinking about your ego and start thinking about this case? My ego? Gillian, I for one am having a marvelous time.
Me, too.
But I need to ask you a teensy weensy little favor.
What? Actually, it's more like this.
For the next couple of days, do you think that you could not speak to or hang out with Prescott? And also, maybe not go to Peru with him either? Shawn, are you already jealous? I'm not sure how I feel about that.
Clive is just a friend.
You want to touch my head? Women of all ages and races say it has magical powers.
I'm good.
Lassie? And Jules? Well, what a surprise! One Gus, I thought you put a sock on the door.
One second.
I know your type.
You don't have to telegraph.
You like your man to surprise you.
I hear that.
What are you guys doing in our personal space? We don't want to rain on your early bird special, but we thought you should know you're dating our prime suspect.
This isn't a date, come on.
We're working.
This is an investigation.
We get it.
You know, it's hard out there.
Not everybody has as many choices.
Don't be ashamed.
You don't seriously think that Gus and I are interested in these women.
Look, I don't know about you guys, we're trying to solve a murder here.
Excuse me.
What's going on? You tell me.
Oh, that? It's not what it looks like.
No, we get it.
Apparently, while you and Spencer were exploring your disturbing new fetish for older women, O'Hara and I were discovering we were right about Tucker.
Gillian had access to the bottle of scotch Lance was going to be drinking that night, and she may have poisoned it.
Was he drinking a Gabardine Hightail? Prescott created that drink.
It's in his book.
Prescott taught Lance everything.
He knew what he would order.
And Prescott could have easily spiked that punch.
Now, if you don't mind, Gus is a little busy trying to get some sweet nooky off his old auntie.
For the case.
For the case.
Good luck.
Go get 'em, tiger.
You know what, Gus? I can imagine a world where I get a little frisky with Gillian Tucker.
I don't think I need to round the bases, but, you know, slide into second safely, feel sufficient.
I got the double pull-back, Shawn.
She rejected me.
I mean, what is that? She smelled like moth balls.
Sometimes you smell like Styrofoam.
I dig it.
What are you talking about, Shawn? I never told you that before? Bottom line is we kept Prescott away from Gillian.
He backed off.
It means we win, right? Ah, I don't feel right.
I hate to say this, but I think we may have gotten some bad pineapple on that pizza.
How's your stomach? I'm fine.
Really? Maybe it wasn't pineapple.
Maybe somebody got to my wine at the restaurant.
Gus, I see a bright light.
I think I should go towards it.
Okay, stop playing, Shawn.
I'm going.
Take care of my Great Dane, Lothar.
You don't have a Great Dane, Shawn.
Get a Great Dane.
Name him Lothar.
What are you talking about? I was poisoned, buddy.
I'm sure of it.
But I know who killed me.
Remember, it was Prescott who killed me.
Shawn, the doctor's here to talk to you.
Well, I'm sorry, Mr.
Spencer, but there's no question.
You were poisoned.
Oh, God, Gus.
I knew it.
I told you.
I told you it was poison.
Shawn, I slept with Stacey Whitaker when we were at the cabin the summer of junior year.
I know you had a crush on her, and I'm really sorry.
There's also no question you're going to be fine.
When I say sleep, I mean literally sleep.
I was so tired that night.
I mean pooped, sawing logs.
You were barely poisoned.
There were just traces in your system.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, you mean I'm not going to die? Well, maybe from all the tapioca pudding and raisins in your stomach, but not from the poison.
That was my tapioca, Shawn.
You son of a Shawn! How are you? Papa.
Come closer.
Come and hug me.
Lassiter is interviewing Gillian and Prescott at the station.
You should be there.
I vouched for you.
Do not make me look like a fool.
Dad, I was poisoned.
I heard barely.
Come on, get your pants on.
Let's go.
What are you doing? Where were you after you left the restaurant last night? Detective, have you ever read Lady Chatterley's Lover? Let's stay on point, Mr.
So you haven't read it.
In college, yeah.
It was a long time ago.
It's just that with your corn-silk hair, you might have stepped right out of its pages.
Do you, like Lady Chatterley, feel trapped? Emotionally.
Longing, the need, the desire to be held.
Oh, my This flowery crap actually works on you? If you had read the book, you would understand, Shawn.
This man has actual insight into the psyche of a woman.
I saw all the Emmanuelle movies, including the one where she changed races.
I got plenty of insight into the female psyche, thank you.
Now, will you admit that your book is dated, and that I have more game than you? I will not.
All right.
Will you admit that you tried to murder me last night by poisoning my person? I certainly will not.
And my understanding is that you were barely poisoned.
Why do people keep qualifying that? Mr.
Prescott, you have my sincerest apologies.
You're free to go.
Pick up your I.
with the officer at the front desk.
What? Are you kidding me? Did you come in here to kid me? I had to let Gillian go as well.
We don't have enough to hold either one of them.
Hey, Dad, get in here.
No, my other father.
Would you please come in here? Look, you've been on my side from the beginning.
Now, you cannot allow them to release this guy.
I know you from somewhere, don't I? Yes.
I remember you now.
A gentleman never forgets a name.
Let's see.
Henry William Spencer.
He's the only student I ever had to kick out.
You got kicked out of his seminar? You didn't kick me out.
You invited me to leave.
Read between the lines, sir.
Oh, Dad, this is good.
This is too good.
This is too rich.
Not only did you take the seminar, you were invited to leave? Oh, my god, Dad.
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
Focus, Shawn.
One more.
Chandler Bing style.
Oh, my god.
Look, we can still nail this guy.
Prescott was dating another woman, a Harriet Finestatt.
He was seeing her at the time of her death.
A month later, the company goes kaput.
That is exactly what we need.
Shawn, I want you to give me some time to substantiate all this.
You are so close.
It's all starting to take shape.
I want you to start to think like a detective.
We sit on it.
Got it? Got it.
The idea is to attack and conquer.
Love doesn't come to you.
You go find it.
Slay it, if necessary, but get it and bring it back.
Any questions? I've got one.
Oh, brother.
Yes? Why is it that you will stop at nothing to steal women's money and ultimately murder them? That's ridiculous and untrue.
Really? Well, then perhaps you wouldn't mind talking to the class about the death of Harriet Finestatt.
What do you want me to say? You want me to talk about her cancer? How I was at her bedside for months and months? Uh-oh.
Or should I tell you about her ungrateful sons took all of her money and drove her business into the ground? Neither of those things.
Obviously, we're very sorry for your loss, but Uh-oh.
What about the woman in South America, hmm? The one who supposedly drowned? Come on.
Lorraine? She was killed by a stingray.
Now, unless you're accusing me of hiring a sea creature as a hit man Okay, well, tell me this.
What do you do when a woman who's much older than you spurns your advances? Gus, come on.
A little decorum? What? You just accused him of death by stingray.
Well, why was Gillian off-limits then? Huh? Why don't you paint us that picture? You want a real picture, Mr.
Spencer? I do want the real picture, so drop the gentleman act and say something real.
Why Gillian? Because Because what? Because I Because what? Because I love her! Because I love her.
All right? I am a cad, and a deceiver, and I am hopelessly, ridiculously in love.
"Dear Prescott, I am deeply sorry "that I accused you of trying to kill me.
"Good day.
I said good day, sir.
"Signed, Shone Spencer.
" You misspelled your name.
I did that on purpose.
No, you didn't.
You're right.
I was in a hurry and I didn't have spell check.
You need spell check for your own name? Gus So what are you going to do now? Well, to tell you the truth, Mr.
Guster, my advice is just words on a page.
Attack and conquer, it's nonsense.
It doesn't work with a person of actual substance like Gillian.
I've got to do something.
Gentlemen, I'm going to propose.
Exciting for you.
No, it's exciting for you.
It's terrifying for me.
I have no idea what I'm doing.
That's why I'm asking Eugenia for tea.
I'm hoping her friend can give me advice on how to approach her.
Well, hopefully she's not as stingy with her advice as she is with her gum.
Oh, well, you have to take into account her circumstances.
What circumstances? You don't know? Eugenia's practically penniless.
Gillian takes care of her.
My friend Eugenia was recently disappointed by a gentleman friend and she could use some company.
Dude! Gabe McKinley was dating Eugenia.
He broke up with her.
He realized Eugenia had no money.
He chose the wrong woman.
His buddy scored the big fish, Gillian.
Gabe was jealous.
Jealous enough to poison him to get him out of the way.
Jealous enough to poison me.
Slightly We better call Jules and Lassie.
Where's Gabe McKinley? Where is he? Yes, I'll hold.
Stop it.
This is what Gabe was drinking in the sauna.
Looks like we may have another poisoning on our hands.
Cuff links.
Wait a minute.
Gabe was having an affair with Gillian, and that is the reason that he is dead.
Lance was dating Gillian, and that is the reason that he was poisoned, and because I went on one date with Gillian, someone tried to barely poison me.
Now I'm saying it.
Thank you.
That was the lab.
The toxicology reports are conclusive.
The principle toxin found in the poison that Lance ingested is called naphthalene.
Naphthalene? Naphthalene.
What-thalene? Naphthalene.
Naphthalene? Does this mean anything to you? In more ways than one.
Moth balls, Shawn.
Eugenia smelled like moth balls, but it wasn't her, it was the garden.
The main ingredient in moth balls is naphthalene.
Naphthalene? That's enough.
She used them as a pesticide, but they become highly lethal if they're ingested.
It's the perfect old person's murder weapon.
The moth ball.
Of course it was her.
That's what she used to poison Gabe's energy drink and Lance's scotch.
Lassie, you can send me a thank you note later.
Well, technically you have seven days.
Yeah, you should really try to do it sooner.
Yeah, he really should.
We need to find Eugenia.
Where is she? With Prescott.
Oh, no.
He's about to drop the bomb that he's going to propose to Gillian.
If we don't get there in time, he's victim number three.
Gripes sake! Come on! Move those vehicles! Let's go! We have to get up there before it's too late! I'm aware of that, O'Hara.
What am I supposed to do, Shoot my way up the hill? I will.
Or Shawn, what are you doing? Shawn, get back in the car! We're going to take a shortcut! We'll meet you up there! Get back in the car! Meet them up there? Have you lost your damn mind? Aw, screw this.
What are you doing? Carlton! Come on! Come on.
There we go, you Great.
Son of a Shouldn't a case with an older woman killing people be less athletic? Hang in there, buddy.
Think about the cucumber finger sandwiches waiting for us up top.
Well, may I help you? We need to get in.
Of course you do.
Do you have a reservation? I'm afraid I cannot seat you without a reservation.
However, I'd be more than happy to recommend another tea service where perhaps pinecone chips are an accepted part of the dress code.
But, Lassie, you don't have a reservation to get Hey! Prescott, don't drink that tea! Good lord, please control yourself.
There is a lady present.
She is not a lady.
She is a murderess and a lesbian.
We'll get to that in a minute.
Isn't that right, Eugenia? Think about it.
No one stood to lose more than Eugenia if Gillian got serious with somebody.
You're in love with her.
It was always just the two of you, and in your mind, it always would be.
Lassiter was right.
Gillian's late husband, Walter, did die under mysterious circumstances, but not at Gillian's hands.
At yours.
Isn't that right, Eugenia? Eugenia's been staying with me since Walter died.
She doesn't like to go out much.
And it hasn't worked out with any of the men I've set her up with.
Poor Gus here never stood a chance, did he? You only had eyes for Gillian.
Of course.
Now it makes sense.
That's why she gave me the pull-back.
She gave you the pull-back? No one appreciated her like I do.
She always chose the wrong man.
I wanted what was best for her.
And to make sure she didn't get hurt.
I was protecting her.
Stand up.
You better cuff her before she kills everyone in this restaurant.
Put your hands behind your back.
I always thought Gillian and I would spend our final days together.
Come on, lady.
Let's go.
As you know, gentlemen, I shall not be teaching the class for the next two weeks, as I shall be on my honeymoon.
Yes, but I have arranged during that time to present you with the wisdom of several guest speakers.
The first of which is a man I've come to know quite well over the last week.
So, without further adieu, I present to you psychic detective and true gentleman, Shawn Spencer.
You know, my best friend, Burton Guster, said that we can all afford to be a little more gentlemanly in life.
And you know what? He was dead wrong about that.
But I'll tell you what I can see.
The way I think is the right way to do things is not the only way.
It's barely a way at all.
Well, it's my way.
It's not a real way.
It's the way I approach something, it qualifies as a way.
But it's not a very good way.
Clive, I think you should settle down.
All right.
We can all afford to grow up a bit.
Even me.
Especially you.
The truth is I want to change.
I need to change.
You got that right.
I want my father on his deathbed four or five years from now, to look at me and say, "That That is the man that I raised.
" And I want him to be pointing at some other guy, because that means that maybe, just maybe I'm not his biological son.
Thanks for taking the time to see me.
What do you want? Okay.
It's not a huge deal, I just need to hear it from you.
You not being interested in me, that's solely because, you know, that you are, you know.
In love with a woman? Yes.
You do realize I'm in here because I'm being charged with a triple homicide, right? Yes.
I get it.
You're busy.
I'm busy, too.
It's just that it's been bothering me because you dated that other guy at the beginning, at the benefit.
Yes, but I killed him.
I get that.
Would you have felt better if I had tried to kill you, too? Well You know, you should meet a nice girl and focus on her.
And never, ever come back here.
I know, you know That I'm not telling the truth I know, you know They just don't have any proof Embrace the deception Learn how to bend Your worst inhibitions tend to psych you out in the end I know, you know I know, you know I know, you know