Psych Episode Scripts

N/A - One, Maybe Two, Ways Out

You know, Gus, I'm going to want to open an old-fashioned ice cream shoppe at some point.
This is because of Juliet, isn't it? Every time you launch into the dream about opening an ice cream store Shoppe.
Shoppe.
It's because there's some issue with Juliet.
Psychiatrists call it diversion coping.
This is because she's dating Declan now.
I wouldn't call it dating.
What would you call it? Dating.
I just don't want to say it.
Come on, Gus, the guy lies his ass off about everything in his life and then he just apologizes and that gets him right off the hook.
Shawn, she really likes this guy.
Why are you trying to poke a hole into something that's working for her? You know, you're right.
You're absolutely right.
If she wants to be in a relationship with a filthy rich guy who adores her, so be it.
Not this guy.
No, sir.
My spirit has to remained unchained, Gus, like my melodies.
Wow.
Be available for any opportunity.
Opportunity? Yes, Gus, opportunity.
For a woman like that.
She's making eyes at me.
She has eyes, yes.
But they're looking at me.
Gus, don't be absurd.
She's looking directly at me.
She's piercing my mediumly-defined chest with her stark bedroom peepers.
That lady is trying to undress me with her eyes, Shawn.
Maybe she's dressing you.
You ever think of that? Cover up your kankles.
Please.
I have the ankles of a stallion and that woman wants them.
That woman has a gun.
She's all yours.
I'm out of here.
Drop the cone! I'm not dropping my cone, Shawn.
When are you going to eat that? I don't want to die an empty stomach, Barry! Who is Barry? I don't know.
What do we do when we get to the end of the pier? Why don't you ask Barry? Don't kill us, please.
I'm not here to kill you.
In fact, I need your help.
Who are you? My name is Nadia.
I work with Ewan O'Hara.
You know Juliet's brother? We were operatives together.
I've been set up and I'm on the run.
Ewan told me about you.
He was impressed with your skills.
You're not kidding? You're really a spy? This is for real? Yeah, this is for real.
So you weren't undressing him with your eyes earlier? See, I told you.
Listen, I have very little time.
I need to be erased, to disappear.
How do you expect us to help you do that? My mentor and most trusted ally, code name Strabinsky, was the only one who successfully erased himself.
He has the tools.
O'Hara said if someone doesn't exist, you'd be the person to find him.
Will you help me? Well, I can only speak for myself.
But a few seconds ago, I thought we were going to have to jump off the pier, so Yeah, we can help you.
Okay.
Well, we don't have a lot of time.
They're following me.
They could be here any minute.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, there's no reason to be so dramatic.
We get it.
You're a spy.
Things are heightened for you people, but come on, we're a little more laid back in Santa Barbara.
It's a beach community.
I know, you know That I'm not telling the truth I know, you know They just don't have any proof Embrace the deception Learn how to bend Your worst inhibitions tend to psych you out in the end How are those stallion ankles now, buddy? Where is she, Shawn? Get over here.
Get out of the line of sight.
Come on! Where the hell'd she go? Underneath the pier, sir.
How the hell did we lose her? Come around the other side.
Okay, great, what's your genius plan to get us out of here now? Listen, you two, from now on, you're going to do exactly what I say.
Who are those guys she's with? I have no idea.
Put this thing down.
We got to get to her from the ground.
Lassie, what's up? Spencer, I just got a call about a white guy and a black guy running down the boardwalk wreaking havoc, and I immediately thought of you guys.
Are you involved? Don't know anything about said havoc.
What about the report of a black ops helicopter circling the bay firing off shots? Helicopter in Santa Barbara firing shots? Lassie, please.
Go to the men's bathroom.
Behind the condom machine is a vial of sanity serum.
Crack it, digest, call me in half an hour.
Don't This is a woman's bathroom.
I don't think we should be in here.
Sit down.
Away from the window.
Dude, purple octopus, 12 o'clock.
Shawn, you need to focus.
Okay, this is the deal.
I was in Kiev several years ago with Strabinsky.
It was an NQK mission.
NQK? No Questions Kill mission.
Any more questions? He told me the day would come that we would need to cut ties and go dark.
The next morning, he had erased himself and dropped off the grid.
I found this in my backpack.
He left it there.
I believe it was a clue for me to find him if I ever needed his help.
Nadia, this is blank.
Touch it.
What is it, Braille? I don't think it's Braille.
Hello? It's locked.
These impressions are in a formation, Shawn.
I think this has something to do with celestial patterns.
Stars.
I got something.
Something helpful and impressive.
I see Strabinsky in the sky, possibly with diamonds.
Please make some sense soon.
Do you still have that giant astronomy coloring book back in the Psych office? It's not a coloring book.
Uh-oh.
He's going to be so mad at me.
Remember we have T- minus six minutes before a team of black ops close in and torture to kill.
Torture to kill? Is that pretty cut and dry? Or is there some wiggle room there? Ah, Nadia, I have floor pads to avoid the scratching of hardwood floors.
You're kidding, right? Yes, I am.
Nadia, it's going to cost us $438 plus tax Never mind.
Boom.
Phoenix constellation.
Damn it, that means Strabinsky's in Alabama.
You mean Arizona? No.
He always talked about retiring here.
This much I know for sure.
Another reason why O'Hara thought you could help.
Wait a second.
Wait a second.
This has nothing to do with constellations.
Get down.
It's just a clue to get us to the location F-E-N-l-X.
The Fenix Valley Path.
It's in the Los Padres Forest just outside of Santa Barbara.
Gus, you can't just make up stuff that doesn't exist.
It does exist, Shawn.
It's just not in any guidebooks.
It's named after a hiker who got lost there.
Oh, well, that's it then.
That's where we'll find Strabinsky.
That's what I just said.
But the Los Padres Forest is too big.
You can't just walk through there and find Strabinsky.
We have to fly over.
Do you know anybody who owns a chopper? to that question is nobody.
But there's one guy.
I should be concerned, right? Concerned and excited.
Really bad timing.
Declan, we're being tracked, which means in about seven-ish minutes, dudes in capes are going to storm your dope pad and start sniping us.
They will not be wearing capes, but they will be sniping us.
Declan, this is Nadia.
She is a spy.
The case we're working on is a matter of national, international and guber-national security.
Okay, but you can't stay long.
No need to worry about being tracked, Nadia.
Why is that? I own the air rights for the whole block.
I can scramble the strongest of signals.
Now, unfortunately, whatever you guys are involved in, I don't think I can assist on Listen, just hear us out.
We need you to sponsor us.
No, no, no.
Sorry, guys.
But ever since I admitted to Juliet that I'm not a real criminal profiler, I promised I wouldn't assist on any police cases whatsoever.
Who's Juliet? My girlfriend.
Wow.
Just dropping the G-bomb with reckless abandon, huh? You know what? You are missing a huge opportunity here.
Opportunity to jump right into a Bourne film.
This is not a movie.
This is reality and it's happening right now.
Look, guys, between you and me, I'd kill to get myself kneecap deep in this thing, but I'm trying to play the honesty card, so no lies, period.
Dec, I'm sorry, but I think I just used the last of your shampoo Shawn? Gus? Sorry, bunny, they just stopped by.
But they're leaving now.
I see what happened here.
Juliet was driving in the area, she spilled something on herself, she dropped by and asked if she could use the facilities.
No, Shawn, I slept here.
And then I woke up here and then I took a shower.
Yes, the old crashing- in-the-guest-room routine.
I am sorry.
What is your name? Nadia.
Her name is Nadia, and we have chemistry.
Okay, Shawn, Gus, woman in leather, enjoy the rest of your weekend.
Mmm.
Can we please get down to business? Yes, of course.
Declan, can we borrow your chopper or what? Yeah.
Well, that depends.
I need it back tonight.
Tonight? What do you mean? Like this coming night? Yeah, I'm flying Juliet to Napa for dinner and surprising her with a vacation plan.
The Amalfi Coast.
Amalfi Coast? Ooh, bro.
I'd pull back.
Step on the brakes if I was you, man.
If I know one thing about Jules, it's that she likes to rough it on her vacays.
Hmm.
Yeah.
I wouldn't have guessed that.
Really? It's true.
She's a hunter, a gather, woodswoman.
Tents, beans and bugs, that's how she does it.
We can have the chopper back in two, three hours, tops.
I guess that should work.
I mean, technically, I'm just loaning you a chopper to fly from point A to point B.
And loaning us your pilot, too.
Oh, I am the pilot.
Damn, this is good fun.
It's so much more satisfying than the remote control version.
We have to find Strabinsky soon.
It's just a matter of time before they figure out we're airborne and send an F-14 to shoot us down.
What? We're going to get shot down? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
We're in the right spot.
This is it.
Bring this birdie down, Declan.
You got it, you got it.
But hold on tight.
Landing's dicey at best for me.
Haven't you been flying your whole life? Ah, no, that's a negative.
No, I just got my pilot's license three days ago.
What? Knock, knock.
Who's there? They're doing a knock, knock joke? It must be some kind of spy code.
Nadia.
I guess not.
Nadia.
Strabinsky.
It's been a while.
Last time I saw you, you were four clicks outside of Mozambique.
Mmm.
Mozambique.
Tortured by pigmies.
Well, get in here.
Come on inside.
Well, welcome to my hidden abode.
Would you like a quick tour? I joke.
It's a joke.
Sorry about the heat in here, but the super hydra drives are like ovens.
Suck up power like nobody's business.
Hey, can I ask you all a quick favor before we get this party started? You want us to take our shoes off? No.
I want you to tell me why you're here in the next 10 seconds or else I'm going to kill you all.
Wait, wait.
Calm down, Strabinsky.
I found you using the card you left in my backpack.
It's time for me to cut ties.
Nadia, you are being tracked.
You put me in jeopardy.
You know how long it took me to find this place, to set it up? That door you came through, that's custom.
Translation, it's not from Home Depot.
I'm sorry, but But nothing.
It took me a week to put in that door and then you bring in two civvies here and there's a jack snapper out in there in a chopper.
I'm a psychic detective, so Which technically means I'm no longer a civvie, if you will.
I will snuff you out without even touching you.
Harsh.
Intimidating.
Intriguing how you would actually snuff without touching, but also fair.
You're right.
I am being tracked.
Will you erase me or not? Nadia, you have been a busy, busy bee.
I'm just about done here deleting all your mission files.
Wait, wait, wait.
Don't delete operation Mitlu-Bolivia.
Open that one.
I can't open that file.
That's got special security.
Seriously, open it.
Okay, maybe I was unclear, or I spoke super duper fast, or I switched languages or something, but I can't open this file.
I know you can open the file.
Open it.
This feels like an old school spy tiff that deserves some privacy.
You know, that's right.
Don't move a muscle.
What is operation Mitlu? Open it.
Oh, yeah, wait a second.
Bolivia.
I remember hearing something over the agency wire about that mission.
The embassy was broken into.
A couple diplomats were killed and someone made off with a suitcase of GCC's.
What are GCC's? Global Currency Certificates.
You can cash them in for any currency around the world.
It's like literally having a money printing press.
That's what this is about, huh, Nadia? You used my incredible gifts to get yourself erased so that you can go retire somewhere exotic in the world with a bunch of GCC's? You have one minute to open the file, Strabinsky.
Go ahead, shoot me.
I can't open this file.
You of all people should know the only way to open a file this secure is a Level 3 computer in a government building.
Who did we just help erase? A very capable killer.
Shawn, it's my day off.
I had a cold beer in my hand, I'm on my boat, and literally had my fishing line in the water when I got this call.
Dad, does Chief Vick know that you're sitting in her chair while she's on holiday? I'm in no mood.
I'm just saying your naked thighs are touching the fabric there.
Don't you think she'd be a little weirded out? Sorry, guys.
No choice.
No, I made a promise to Juliet, so had to come clean and told them everything.
Everything? Everything.
Yes, Shawn.
I know he was with you when you guys got in over your heads on an international case you had no business being a part of.
But on my part, mostly as a pilot.
You're a pilot? Oh, did I leave that part out? It's only been three days.
Now the guy decides to have a crisis of conscience.
Is there anything else you'd like to confess? Yes.
This morning when you found that fresh, sliced grapefruit on your bedside table and you asked me who put it there and I said, "The grapefruit fairy," I was lying.
It was me.
Oh, my God, that's so cute.
Pretty cute.
All right, everyone, Shawn, where is this Nadia woman? I mean Lassie, grab them! Grab those Grab those men! These are the guys that were in the helicopter.
They're the ones that tried to kill us on the pier this morning.
I knew you were on the pier! Shawn, calm down.
These are the good guys.
Agent Camden Driggs, Special Division, Department of Clandestine Human-Source Intelligence.
This is Tom.
You get that whole swanky intro and all he gets is, "This is Tom"? Senior communications analyst in charge of Operative In-call Status Objectives, Subdivision Supervisor Tom Fong.
I get it.
I get, "This is Tom.
" Mmm-hmm.
You guys are CIA? When was the last time you were in Washington, hmm? Your eighth grade fieldtrip? Everyone in a suit isn't CIA.
We're Special Military Ops.
Mr.
Spencer, you are aware that you helped aid and abet one of the world's most dangerous government operatives.
Well, when you say it like that, it makes it sound way worse than it is.
And how would you prefer I say it? Inflection is everything.
Try it again, maybe a little sing-songy.
Shawn, you will cooperate with these men.
I want to know everything that Nadia said to you.
I want you to retrace every step you took since she made contact.
And we know about Strabinsky.
Where is he? Oh, come on, you guys.
That man just wants to live in peace.
He gave 12 years of his life to y'all.
I'll give you my flight logs.
God, that felt good.
Being open and honest.
Good job, Spencer.
You led Nadia right to Strabinsky, and now she took him out.
She's cleaning up her tracks, eliminating witnesses.
Well, if that's the case, then why are Gus and I still alive? Because you two aren't worth eliminating.
Oh, we're worth eliminating.
Agent Fong, call in for air support.
I want the rest of you to fan out on the mountainside.
We've got hours, not days.
Correct me if I'm wrong, the industry standard is 18 hours, otherwise we can kiss her goodbye.
That's right, Detective.
Well, I can find that spy in 19 hours.
This is not a negotiation, and you went up.
Fine.
I can find that spy in 13 hours.
Shawn.
You know, if you shut up and let me do my job, I'll find that spy in eight hours.
Okay.
Find that spy.
You know what? Get out of here.
Both of you.
Go sit in the chopper.
I'm tired of looking at your face.
Hey, Tom Fong, you coming with? Listen, Shawn, if this woman has any connection to my brother Come on, Jules No, Shawn, I know that you were taken by him and you guys shared some sort of bond or something, but let's not forget, he eluded authorities and exists in more than a gray world.
How much more? These people can't be trusted.
Watch yourself, Shawn.
This is not a case you should fool with.
It's bigger than us.
Us? The department.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Aren't you two supposed to be waiting in the chopper? Lassie, what are you doing here? You know every time those Washington guys come to town, you turn into a 14th wheel.
Look at Tom Fong.
He's wearing two watches.
How are you going to hang with that? Spencer, you know nothing of these people.
He does that so he can tell the time in two places in the world simultaneously.
Gus likes to know the time in Santa Barbara and Pasadena.
Only needs one watch.
You, Lassiter, you're running point on this.
What? I've been doing this long enough to know that the guy with no life will get the job done.
Not to mention you know the landscape.
Do I ever! O'Hara.
I can't believe Driggs beat me in the first round of "Find That Spy.
" Shawn, this isn't funny.
Nadia is going to find us and kill us.
Gus, don't be Fine Young Cannibals cover of Suspicious Minds.
We're going to find her.
But we do need a plan.
Oh, I have a plan.
I'm going to pack me a medium-sized suitcase and move to Mexico.
You of all people should know that a file this secure can only be opened on a Level 3 computer in a government building.
I got it.
I know where she is.
Does anyone know where the closest government building is with a Level 3 computer? Put it on.
Don't forget it next time.
We need Yes! Yes! I am sensing she is here.
She's here in this building.
Let's split up and cover all high-security floors.
Wait, can we just walk into a government building like this without clearance? You can if you're with me.
We're looking for somebody.
Oh, can I take a look at that? Does it have a Presidential seal? Let's move, people! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Somehow I think she'll be found somewhere a little less obvious.
Computer problems? I hate it when that happens.
Where's an easy button when you need one? Oh, Shawn, you do have a skill set.
Do you have any other talents? You used us.
You lied to us.
And you killed Strabinsky.
Oh, come on, I didn't kill Strabinsky.
Maybe no one did.
Plus, if I had these certificates, why am I still here? Why? Okay, fine.
So if you really were set up, let us help you.
You have no idea what you're involved in.
They made me take the certificates.
Who? Who was it? If I knew who it was I wouldn't be here.
He was in disguise.
But it's someone on the inside.
I don't know who and I don't have time to give you Spy 101 lessons right now.
Oh, really? Because Gus recently saw half of Spies Like Us.
Doctor.
Doctor.
Doctor.
Doctor.
Doctor.
And you don't have a choice.
Uh, she has choices and she just made one.
I'm about to make one, too.
I can either dial up Driggs or you can tell us what happened in Bolivia during Operation Mitlu.
By the way, who gets to name those operations because that seems fun.
Hand me the phone before I have to resort to hurting you.
Yeah, right.
Without touching me, hmm? No.
I am going to touch you.
Fan out, people.
What the hell is that? Okay, people, listen up.
No one is to leave this building.
I'll be questioning each of you separately.
One at a time.
It's going to take a while, so I hope you packed a snack.
I'll handle it from here.
I want this unit sent to headquarters to be washed.
She was definitely looking for something, there's just no way of knowing what.
Mmm.
You know, I think I can help with this.
We're probably going to need some sort of clearance level.
It doesn't have to be the highest, just enough to get me one of those badges that beeps when you scan it.
Detective, I'm not at liberty to disclose any information regarding classified documents.
Perhaps if you want to go back in time, make a couple of different life decisions, join the Academy, train with some real investigators, then we could talk, but until then Nadia said she was set up by someone on the inside.
Do you get the feeling that Driggs is hiding more than he has to? No.
No, Shawn.
Don't do this.
Nadia is crazy and dangerous.
Driggs may be an unpleasant man, but that doesn't make him the bad guy.
I don't trust him.
What are you doing? Whatever's on this file is the secret to what happened in Bolivia and we will prove that Driggs is behind it.
That thing is half melted, Shawn.
There's no way we can retrieve any information off of it.
Yeah, but Strabinsky can.
Oh, come on, I didn't kill Strabinsky.
Maybe no one did.
Sorry about the heat in here, but the super hydra drives are like ovens.
Suck up power like nobody's business.
Oh, my gosh.
Yeah, the Santa Barbara power grid would show hot spots for areas that are using crazy amounts of electricity.
Like hospitals or power plants.
Yeah, and giant mansions like mine.
I hear that.
See, that's what we need, Shawn, our very own computer guy for the office.
Nice.
That's not a computer guy.
He's my pastry chef.
This is my snack.
Thank you, Chuy.
Crème brûlée, guys? Yes.
Yes.
Oh, what's that one? The white one.
Right there.
White means hot.
Hmm.
It's a small apartment building.
Yeah.
Unless this person has that's got to be Strabinsky.
Declan, I must say you've once again delivered in the clutch.
I also have to ask you one more teeny-weeny favor.
I believe I'm fresh out of favors.
Please.
Please wait 30 minutes before you call Juliet and tell her we were here.
Knock, knock.
Who's there? Shawn.
And Gus.
Are you kidding me? Again? How did you guys find me? Normally I'd be hot under the collar, but I have to admit, I'm a sucker for a couple of familiar faces.
Come on, get in here.
Come on.
Thanks, man.
Oh, look, it's very earthy.
Oh.
It's creamy.
Hmm.
I hate to ask this of guests, you know, but could you guys do me a huge favor? I think so.
No.
Probably.
Could you take your shoes off? New place.
Oh! Oh! Berber carpets.
They say it's stain resistant, but I don't trust them.
I don't trust them at all.
And now while you're at it, in the next 10 seconds, why don't you tell me why you're here or else I'm going to set you both on fire without even striking a match.
Whoa, Strabs, easy, buddy.
Hey, I just moved in here.
Come on.
I mean, they got a laundry.
They've got an awesome pool.
Look at that.
Huh? Well, it's not awesome, but it's circular.
It You can't even swim laps in it.
But it's a pool.
Do you guys have any idea how hard it is to find a body decoy that works? This one's too fat.
This one's too skinny.
This guy's just right, but he's an Eskimo.
Strabinsky, if you help us this one last time, you have my word that we will not find you a third time.
Unless we need your expertise a third time.
Or we want to go swimming.
In circles.
What do you want? Uh, Nadia was trying to download something on to this thing.
Huh.
It looks like a still photo from an embassy.
At the embassy in Bolivia.
That must be the suitcase with the certificates.
So she did take it.
How did I fall for this again? Please tell me you have a plan.
I can see her running from a building.
It's a government building.
There's a red, yellow and green flag.
The flag is on fire, though.
Something went There was an explosion.
That's right.
That's the Bolivian Embassy.
How do you know this? She has a suitcase.
What's in the suitcase? Give me a second.
Let me try to x-ray through it.
I'm sensing, I'm getting, I'm seeing certificates of some kind.
Crate and Barrel.
No.
Bed, Bath & Beyond? That seems unlikely.
Global current affairs something.
GCC's.
Global Currency Certificates.
Where do you see them? I see them in my mind, Tom.
I'm a psychic, you see.
A psychic spy, maybe the only one.
Probably the only one.
Definitely the only non-Russian one.
Unless you count Men Who Stare at Goats.
You're going to take a phone call in the middle of this? Life doesn't stop for the psychic world.
How do you think I get any errands done or knock kinky boots at nighttime? Shh.
Just get it going, would you? Stop milking it.
I know what you're up to, Shawn.
Will you all excuse me for a moment? Could somebody tell me what the hell's going on? What do you want? You're poking around where you don't belong and you have all your facts wrong.
Okay, listen, I saw the picture of you in Bolivia.
You lied to me again.
You're making me question my own judgment here.
An hour ago, I accused Gus of trying to rope me into a pyramid scheme.
If you need a shoulder to cry on, go buy a goldfish.
You have something that's mine.
I want it back.
Okay, look, look, look, look, look.
I will give you the picture, okay? But you have to agree to meet me now.
Can I reach you on this phone? Maybe another 10 seconds.
I'll find you.
No, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Look, Gus and I are busy.
I'm not sure where we'll be later.
Maybe, uh Maybe we should find you.
Not going to happen.
I'm going to give you a location where you can meet me.
Don't change your clothes.
Why? You like this outfit? No.
So I can spot you in a crowd.
Who were you just talking to? Nadia.
She was in the police station.
Are you kidding me? So risky, so sexy.
I think she's really starting to like me.
She wants to kill you, Shawn.
Oh, really? Then why did she just make a date with me for tonight? A date to kill you.
You need to go back up in that room and tell the feds everything she just said.
No, Gus, this is our chance to Bourne it up.
I'm Matt Damon, you're Adewale Akinnuoye Agbajon That's not how you say his name.
That's who you are, though.
Oh, no, I'm not.
I'm not going to be there.
It's too late to recast.
The part is yours.
Let's go take down a spy.
Shawn.
Shawn.
Nadia, my code name is Dabney Wilhelm.
Please call me that.
I will not.
Why? Because I know your name is Shawn Spencer.
I know you.
Code names are for anonymity.
What's this? It's a newspaper.
Yes, but why do you have it? It's a spy thing.
It looks like I'm sitting here reading ads about puppies, but really, I'm just combing the perimeter.
It's totally idiotic.
It's nighttime.
It's idiotic.
Like the silly coat you're wearing.
You're so harsh.
Gus, lose the paper.
What the hell's he doing in there? Unfortunately, nothing out of the ordinary.
Seriously, how long are we going to let this go on for? Just relax.
I want to see if she'll hang herself.
We might get a confession.
Sir, we don't need a confession.
We've got enough on her going AWOL, with the break-in We can nail her right now.
All right, let's cut to the chase, shall we? I want you to trust me, Shawn.
Because we have a connection.
What is it about Spencer that people see that I don't? She's conning him.
Let's cut to the real chase.
This is about you and me.
From the moment we jumped off that pier, we had something.
Tell me you believe that I'm innocent and maybe we could spend some time off the grid.
A guy with your abilities and a girl like me, we could do some damage.
Huh? Yeah.
Come on, you don't have to be shy with me.
Stop, stop it.
You've been playing with me this whole time.
I don't believe anything you say.
Prepare to mobilize.
We're going in.
Repeat, we're about to move in.
So what if I did this? I can't.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Nadia.
I can't.
As much as I'd like to be the Swiss to your ham in one of those croissants at Au Bon Pain, it just wouldn't be fair to you.
Why is that? Because I trust the croissant more than you.
Fine.
Why did you even come here? To hear me say that I killed those two Bolivians and stole the certificates? And I used my skills to steal enough money to live out my days at the Amalfi Coast? What is it with everyone and the Amalfi Coast? Mobilize all tactical units.
Get in there.
Take the subject down now.
Stay with the van.
What? Go, go, go! Get down! Get down! Advise.
Suspect is secure.
Good job, men.
Agent Fong, take her through processing.
I'm sorry, Nadia.
I love my country too much.
My country's America.
I told you that newspaper thing was a dumb idea.
Are you at all serious? We just captured a dangerous international spy.
You're hung up on the newspaper bit? No, I'm hung up on the fact that you've been obsessed with this woman this whole time.
She makes the ultimate move on you and you shut her down? What's wrong with you? That makes no sense.
Are you crazy? I know, it doesn't make any sense.
Maybe I am crazy.
All I can tell you is that just now, in that moment, all I could think about was Jules.
I just can't wrap myself around the fact that she's dating Declan.
Actually It's actually killing me.
Shawn, that is not fair.
I know.
I know it's not fair.
And you're right, she likes this guy.
And who am I to stand in the way? Exactly.
You think I don't want her to be happy? I want her to be happy.
But serious Shawn moment here, I want to be happy, too.
And for some reason, I can't imagine that happening without Juliet.
How crazy is that? On a scale of one to 10? Man! What? I was going to say four.
I know you all are wondering, "Was it dangerous out there? "Was it a little touch and go? " Mostly go.
With plenty of touch.
And to quote an unlikely source, Mr.
William Ocean Mmm.
"When the going gets tough, the tough get going.
" Are we finished? I believe so.
It feels good.
Gus, you good? I'm great.
Great, I'm out of here.
Whoa, whoa, hold up.
This is Nadia's phone.
She must have slipped it in my pocket while she was feeling me up at the park.
Something's downloading.
Oh, my God.
She was set up.
How come the guy with the gun didn't show up on the security camera photos we saw at Strabinsky's? It wasn't taken with that camera, Gus, it was taken from the sky.
Like from an airplane or a hot air balloon Or a satellite? Don't make up crap from the future.
He's right.
These are the kind of photographs usually taken over occupied territories or foreign embassies.
That's why she had to break into the government office.
She needed a Level 3 computer so she could access the satellite photos.
It was the only photo that could vindicate her.
Who's this? The guy with the gun? Two watches? Agent Tom Fong.
Patch me through to Air Strike Command.
Holy crap! It's Tom Fong.
Lassiter, this thing isn't over.
Assemble the team, get a hold of Driggs.
We have to find Fong.
Driggs has to have a way of tracking him.
Oh, you got away from me in Bolivia, Nadia, but that's over.
Now tell me where you hid the certificates.
I'll tell you.
Wait, no, I won't.
I guess it's going to get ugly, then.
Freeze! Drop the weapon, Tom! Freeze, Tom! How did you find me? I found Strabinsky twice in one day.
You asking me how I tracked you down, Jack? Fong.
You're a disgrace to the suit, Tom.
Get him out of here.
Oh! Oh, Nadia, you wanted to get caught in that park.
You knew you would.
You needed to.
You knew you'd been betrayed, but without knowing who the bad guy was, who could you trust? Me.
Because you knew I would figure it out and lead everyone here to see it with their own eyes.
And you dig me.
And you look almost as good upside down as you do right side up.
And that can only be said about you, me, and maybe Javier Bardem.
No, not Javier Bardem.
No, you don't think so? Jon Stewart.
Jon Stewart? Really? I wouldn't We didn't find Fong, Driggs did.
It's all semantics, Gus.
It's not semantics at all.
Note to self, look up the word "semantics.
" Uh, guys, excuse me.
Oh! Right, of course.
Oh, yeah.
What do we, uh Oh, wow.
Oh, that looks complicated.
Do you know what he did to your feet to get you up there? Hey, Shawn, Gus.
I buzzed you up like half an hour ago.
Well, we would have been here sooner, but we got lost in your topiary maze.
We just wanted to thank you one more time for sponsoring our case.
Yeah, well, it all worked out, so I'm happy to have helped.
Well, listen, I was in the middle of bidding on something when you guys rang the bell.
It's up to 30 million, so it's getting slightly heated.
They're waiting for me upstairs on the phone.
You're making a phone bid of 30 million US dollars? Yeah, I wish.
Euros.
What? May I? Shawn.
Hey.
Hi.
Why are you standing in Declan's foyer all by yourself? Creepy? Sort of.
Yeah.
Shawn, you have solved a lot of cases for the SBPD, but this one was particularly impressive.
I mean, Bolivian embassies and international espionage.
How did you and Gus do it all by yourself? Well, I'm not going to lie to you, Jules.
It was difficult.
But now that it's over, I'm ready to put "freelance spy" on my list of special skills.
Well, here's a mystery you can solve for me.
Yesterday, I came here after work and I found three crème brûlée dishes by Declan's computer.
Any idea who could have eaten all of those? Mmm, I would say that Declan has an enormous sweet tooth.
And that shouldn't be ignored, Jules.
Sugar is a gateway drug.
Hmm.
Well, I guess then it will remain an open case.
I guess so.
Well, I was just about to head out and do some shopping for the trip.
Right, the trip.
Of course.
Uh Yeah have a Have a Have a great four days off, Jules.
It's two weeks, Shawn.
Wow, that's lengthy.
That's significant.
That's a real amount of vacation time.
Have an amazing trip.
Okay? Promise me.
You know, they say that, uh, these These kind of trips are once-in-a-lifetime experiences and that they're even better when you have someone you care about to share them with.
And you do.
Take lots of pictures.
Not of sights.
Don't take pictures of buildings.
Take pictures of moments.
That's what matters.
Capture them here and hold on to them here.
At least that's what I would do.
I don't know, you might take blurry photos of your espresso at some random cafe.
Hey, buddy.
Buddy, hey.
Aw, you're not going to have to worry anymore about that hotel in Amalfi being all booked up.
Oh, yeah? Why's that? Because I just bought it.
Oh, yeah! Well, good luck with that, man.
If Gus and I ever make it out that way, we'll look forward to stealing some towels.
I'm going to have them monogrammed.
Amalfi.
I know, you know That I'm not telling the truth I know, you know They just don't have any proof Embrace the deception Learn how to bend Your worst inhibitions tend to psych you out in the end I know, you know I know, you know I know, you know