Psych Episode Scripts

N/A - The Tao of Gus

Hello, Dad! What is this, "Do Your Job Half-Assed Day" at the Santa Barbara Police Department? We've got serious business to attend to.
Serious business? You're going to the opening of a new cupcake store.
No, we're going to a closing of an old cupcake store.
And then we're going to the opening of a new cupcake store.
Bring me back red velvet.
Man, just give us our check.
Sign.
Just to your right.
That's That's Here you go.
Thank you.
I wanna die and come back as that peach scarf.
What? I thought you wanted to come back as the skinny Elvis.
No.
You wanted to come back as skinny Elvis.
I wanted to come back as black Michael Jackson.
Now you're downgrading to a scarf? You know that's right.
We will keep this report on file.
And if you need absolutely anything else, please don't hesitate to give me a call.
What's your number? I was gonna ask you the same question.
Gus, please, this woman may have witnessed a crime.
A crime in progress.
She's stealing my heart.
But I ain't pressing charges.
Wow! I would like to apologize for my creepy colleague.
No need.
I find his energy very soothing.
Really? Your silhouette should be on a mud flap.
That's the weirdest flirting I've ever heard.
Burton Guster, P.
I.
My apologies for your traumatic crime-seeing experience.
Guys, sidebar? Sure.
We'll be right back.
Don't go anywhere near this one.
Why is that? Because Janis Joplin over there is crazier than Janis Dickinson.
I mean, this girl's obviously been doing a little too much of this Suffering from hemorrhoid pain? Doing an inaccurate impression of Dr.
Evil in space? She claims she witnessed a murder in an alley right off of Main Street at the height of lunch hour.
That is crazy.
No chance of getting a table after that.
We checked with all the businesses in the area.
The only weird thing anyone saw was a girl in a peach scarf dancing off a Greyhound bus.
So? That doesn't mean it didn't happen.
Look at the girl.
All right, she's been living in the hills.
She hasn't been down to the city in five years.
She meditated during the interview.
The only understandable thing in the witness statement was a doodle of three large circles.
Maybe a snowman did it.
Okay.
You've been warned.
Okay I don't know, man.
As much as I like to zig when Lassiter zags, I'm feeling pretty zaggy.
So what do you say we hit the museum of lactose intolerance like you've been wanting to? No can do, Shawn.
I feel a case coming on.
And it's coming hard.
That's the creepiest euphemism of all time.
So, what did the killer look like exactly? I don't remember, but it happened right over there.
Okay.
So, you didn't see the killer.
You barely saw the victim.
And you were the only one looking down the alley.
Wait, no, I do remember something about the victim.
He had a very heavy presence.
That's good.
It's not great.
Yes, for this conversation it is.
Oh, oh, I'm getting something.
Gus.
Over here.
Excuse me one second.
You think she's making it up? I don't know, man.
I guess I think she believes it.
The only reason we're listening to any of this is because you have a crush on her.
Since when are you into granola chicks anyway? First of all, do not try to put me in a box.
I'm a complicated man who likes complicated women.
And Brazilians.
Secondly, I've seen you take a case based on the testimony of a cat.
It was suspicious meowing, not testimony.
Don't be ridiculous.
Trust me, this girl did not witness a murder.
I've given it some thought, and I'm willing to reconsider.
You think? Someone is after her.
No, Shawn.
She can't stay here at my place.
Oh, come on, Jules.
A car zoomed out of nowhere and almost ran her over.
On the sidewalk? No.
Not exactly.
So, where was she standing? She was, um Shawn? She was in the area directly between the two sidewalks.
So, she was in the street.
Only sort of.
Did you get a look at the car? Yes I did, dark blue sedan.
No license plates.
Or, license plates.
Look, I would really like to believe her, but she's making it very difficult.
And don't think I didn't see Gus doing that thing that he does with his lip.
This better not be some elaborate wingman act on your part.
Look, there are consequences on my part if I intercede at this point.
Especially in my own home.
You should know that.
So take her someplace secure, and we will check out the blue sedan and that's all I can tell you at this point.
All right, we'll go somewhere else.
Hopefully nothing terrible happens to us.
All right, I think we should go pretty far away.
You know, someplace completely off the map.
That way, at least you'll be safe while we figure this thing out.
I say we go north.
Can you be a little more specific? Fine.
South.
Well, if you wanna go off the map, you can take me home.
I feel that.
Wait! Go back inside! All of you! Down! Down! In between the lines there's a lot of obscurity I'm not inclined to resign to maturity If it's all right then you're all wrong But why bounce around to the same damn song? You'd rather run when you can't crawl I know, you know That I'm not telling the truth I know, you know They just don't have any proof Embrace the deception Learn how to bend Your worst inhibitions tend to psych you out in the end I know, you know Ah.
It's very nice.
You live on a farm? No, it's more than a farm.
Gus.
Gus, we may have a Children of the Corn situation happening here.
Oh, come on, guys.
Don't you like love? I like love.
Gus! Gus, drive! Drive! There are people around! Plow through them! They're smiling.
Fine, they'll die happy.
Floor it! No! Nicole! Don't be a hero! Gus! Where you going? No! Just Welcome.
Welcome back, sister.
You two are sisters? Sure, in that we are all brothers and sisters here.
Ahh.
All right.
So, you're not really sisters.
I mean, you're "sisters.
" Cause, uh, I was thrown.
Because there's really no resemblance between the two of you.
Shawn.
Oh, we were so worried.
We were so worried! When you didn't return from the bus station.
Oh, God! Okay.
You know, when one of us is gone, the whole balance is off.
I haven't been regular all day, and that's just not like me at all.
Is it? Come here! Hey! No! No, I'm good.
Oh, no? I'm yeah.
I'm good.
You should eat some roughage.
I know.
Maybe we can hug it out later.
I'd love to.
So, you guys aren't related to corn, in any way, shape or form? Yeah, we like to think of ourselves as a intentional community.
Living together in peace and celebrating our shared values of cooperation, nonviolence, equality and ecology.
All under the loving guidance and leadership of Eli.
Welcome back, sister! I tell you people, I woke up this morning and right away Something wasn't right.
There was a jagged-ness.
Who else felt it? Come on, now! Yeah, yeah.
I know this guy did.
I can see a glorious wind has brought back one of our own.
Eli, I saw something in the city.
She saw a murder.
Oh, little bird.
My poor, little bird.
I blinked.
I flipped.
I was completely useless.
She was brave.
And dreamy, if that matters.
Are these the heroes who delivered you safely to us? I'm Burton Guster.
I am just a man.
A man who cares.
We think Nicole might be in danger.
We'd like to stay and protect her.
We would? Yes.
That's funny, cause I was under the impression that this was more of a drop-off situation.
No.
Uh-uh.
See, we have tickets to a screening of Xanadu at 5:50.
I feel like a eucalyptus tree.
Normally, we don't take in strangers.
Perfect.
I would feel safer if they stayed.
Well, a brother of my sister is a brother of mine.
So, welcome, brothers! Okay.
Everyone! We have guests! Welcome.
We've got three simple rules.
Keep your mind open, your heart pure and your plate full! I hear that! I'm afraid I can't abide by these stifling restrictions.
I'm sorry.
Let's eat.
Let's eat, huh! Let's eat.
Huh? Let's eat.
All right.
Exactly.
You don't find anything odd about this whole set-up? Not really.
That's because you're too trusting.
It's like that time you bought that dwarf all those drinks in the ice bar because he told you he was a prince.
No, he was a prince in exile, and he lost his wallet.
I'm telling you, man, there's something seriously strange about these people.
Like what? Like, maybe it's a cult.
It's a cult.
Let's eat.
Oh, my God.
Thank goodness you're okay, Shawn, I've been calling.
Well, I guess we were out of range, what's going on? Shawn, you were right.
Somebody is after Nicole.
Some lunatic shot at my house like, an hour ago.
My place is a crime scene.
Holy crap, Jules.
Are you okay? We're coming back right now.
No, Shawn, I am fine.
I wasn't the target.
But I'm pretty sure Nicole was.
We've extended an APB to surrounding counties.
We haven't heard anything, the shooter could still be in the area.
Please tell me you are somewhere out of the way.
Oh, yeah.
We're so far off the grid, I think we're actually back on the grid.
Okay.
I will get a protective order for the girl.
Just keep her safe until Lassiter and I can figure things out on this end.
Okay? I will send somebody out there for you soon.
Okay, there's one problem.
We don't really know where we are.
Good.
Oh, my God! I can't believe anyone would be up at this hour.
Not even animals.
Are we really protecting a witness in a cult? It's not a cult, Shawn.
They grow their own food and make kick-ass hammocks.
You need to open your mind.
Man, you are in complete denial because you're smitten with Nicole.
Oh, that has nothing to do with it.
But I do like the girl, though.
All right, all right.
Listen to me, man.
I gotta say this.
Look, you know that I am okay with you doing your thing and putting a little vibe out there every once in a while, but I think lately things are getting out of hand.
Oh, no, it's not.
Dude, you gave a necklace to the FedEx girl last week.
That's because she kept stopping by for no reason.
She kept stopping by to deliver our FedEx packages.
All right, fine.
Fine.
Maybe I want somebody special in my life, too.
You ever think of that? And if putting out a slightly stronger signal is gonna help, well, that's something I'm willing to do.
I'm not sure it's helping.
Agree to disagree, Shawn.
I can't move.
Neither can I.
Let's pretend we're dead.
Hey! It's morning ritual down by the Peace Ash.
So, I brought you guys some fresh clothes.
We are so there.
"Peace Ash"? Hello? Hello! Shawn, why are you whispering? Because I have to, okay? I just am.
Such a waste of time.
Shawn, we are standing here on Nicole's street corner, and there is absolutely nothing.
I could really use your help right now.
Look, I can't just be psychic on demand.
Okay? Right now, it's all I can do just to carry the tiger over the mountain.
Come on! Tell your boyfriend goodbye.
Let's go get some pancakes.
Cloud hands! This place is beautiful.
Isn't it? I used to be a trust fund kid.
Nothing in the world meant anything to me.
When I signed the pledge of simplicity, my life suddenly became clear.
I'm finding some clarity myself and whatnot.
Shawn? Are you even listening? I mean Hey! It's a red light! What the hell was that? I don't know, some jackass just blew through a red light.
But it happened right over there.
Okay.
Look, I'll get on the psychic thing, all right? And, let me call you back.
And open, and close! Excellent.
Bring on the day! I really shouldn't be doing this, Shawn.
Yeah, well, Dad, I'm desperately trying to drum up a psychic vision here.
So a little help would be nice, okay? Wait.
I can totally see your screen.
Look, I told you this would work.
I told you how to do it.
Two minutes ago you didn't even think it was possible.
Okay, listen.
I need to see any pictures the traffic cam may have taken between noon and 12:30.
That's when Nicole claimed to have seen this murder.
The victim has a face, a suit and a heavy presence.
You know, it's a real long shot that a car would blow a light at the exact moment your guy was standing there.
Dad, just look.
Otherwise Gus is gonna end up handing out lunchmeat at airports.
Wait, wait.
This may sound crazy, but I know this guy.
It's Dan Cooper.
This guy's a cop.
He's I.
A.
Internal Affairs? Yeah, that's him, all right.
He's a crusader with a chip on his shoulder.
He's pissed off a lot of cops in his time.
Hey! You're not supposed to be in here.
I know that, now.
It's a rule.
I That's the man I saw killed.
All right, check it out.
The guy who got killed was an I.
A.
Investigator named Dan Cooper.
I'm guessing whoever killed him was one of the officers he was investigating, because as you know, Internal Affairs isn't very popular with cops.
I have Jules looking into it.
These plums are God's candy.
Okay.
If God meant for them to be candy, then why did he invent candy? Did you hear what I just said? I'm trying to do my job.
Your job is to find out who tried to kill Nicole, not sell apples.
Shawn, you think every round fruit is an apple.
No, I don't.
Okay.
What are these? Tiny apples.
And those? Halloween apples.
These berries are green now because they were just pulled from the vine, but in a few days, they're gonna be this bright, beautiful red.
That's yeah.
Oh! Terrific.
Now you have a beautiful day.
Seems like a lot of work for 75 cents.
Trust me.
You try rolling calls to a hundred clients, explaining why the Plainco fund is suddenly worth half its value.
Then you tell me which is more rewarding.
You were a hedge fund manager? Oh, yeah.
Was a pretty big one.
Yeah, I had a beach house in Antigua, but none of that buys happiness.
No way.
That sounds awful.
Doesn't it, Gus? Hey, weirdos! How are things at the freak stand today? Yeah, you see any double rainbows? I will kick their redneck asses! No, no, shh, shh.
Brother Gus! Eli has taught us these kind of people need our love, not our fists! We love you! You love me, huh? Even if I did this? Yes, I do.
I don't, just for the record.
I don't love you.
Sweet.
But you, you're pretty cute, sunshine.
That's it, I'm gonna kill him.
I'm so torn, 'cause I don't want to be a part of this group, but I don't wanna be a part of their group, either.
Ah! Mother of Pete! One punch, Shawn.
No! That's all I need is one punch, come on! Come on! Okay, buddy, one punch! Careful.
Dude, this is like Footloose! Brawling with townies! That means I'm Bacon and you're Lori Singer.
Why do I have to be the girl? 'Cause you just swung like that.
You ready for this, son? I'm ready for it! Oh, my God! Come on, boys.
Let's get out of here! Shawn! Shawn! Are you okay? We know you guys are busy at Internal Affairs, so thanks for coming.
We'll make this fast, March.
Believe me, I don't wanna be seen palling around with the head of Internal Affairs.
That's fine.
I don't need to be seen hanging with Carlton Lassiter.
You don't know me.
Oh, we know you.
Believe me.
Listen, this is regarding one of your officers, Dan Cooper.
We need to know who he was investigating.
Why would I tell you that? Well, because we have reason to believe that one of them may have just killed him.
I talked to Cooper yesterday.
What evidence do you have? Well, to be honest, our evidence is a little hazy.
Purple hazy.
Oh, okay.
Well, when it becomes a little less hazy, call me.
I'll check on Cooper.
Until then, I'm not disclosing who he was investigating.
You listen to me, you little snitch! We're trying to help this Carlton! Look, if there's anything you can tell us.
Look, Cooper chased paper trails.
Professional standards.
That's not the kind of stuff that makes real enemies.
As for you, Detective, we'll be watching.
Please, you don't have anything on me.
In '04, you discharged your weapon at a circus.
Twice.
Last year you put an 86 year-old shoplifter in full body restraints.
That old lady was feisty as hell.
And I've got the denture marks to prove it, bub! Oh, no What else? What else you got? What else you got? Are you nervous? No, you're not making me nervous at all.
Am I making you nervous? Hey! What's with all the angry texts? You blew your cover! You're at a hippie farm? How do you know that? Box Canyon.
We got a report on the wire that you two got into a physical altercation with some of the locals.
What is that ridiculous sound? That's my washboard, Jules.
I'm washing my bloomers.
Actually, they're not mine, per se.
They're Dot's.
Truth be told, they're community bloomers.
These panties are owned by the collective as a whole.
Clearly, Eli is out of original ideas.
Look, you guys are vulnerable.
The person looking for Nicole could know that you and Gus are with her.
Well, we don't know that for sure, Jules.
Look, do you have any good news for me, or just doom and gloom stuff? Doom and gloom.
We hit a dead end at I.
A.
With your guy Cooper.
He's small-time.
Evidence-related paperwork.
Logging and inventory.
Wait, like, evidence inventory? Yeah, why? Bring me back red velvet.
That guy wasn't half-assing his job.
He didn't sign on purpose.
I'm getting something.
Pierce.
Officer Pierce.
I think that may be the cop that Cooper was investigating.
Okay, well, I will check it out.
Until then, I need you to lay low.
And make sure that Gus does the same thing.
Yeah, I will do.
As soon as I figure out where he is.
Hi, Shawn! Hi! That's creepy.
Nice house, Eli.
Creepy family, but nice house.
Hello, Sister Nicole.
Brother Gus, may I speak with you gently but sternly outside on the porch? Sure, Brother Shawn.
Gus, what the hell is wrong with you? Brother Shawn, don't come at me with anger in your voice.
Hey.
Kill the "Brothers" thing! You were using them.
Yeah, as a joke.
You're using them for real.
I use them all the time.
Because you're a black guy.
You know what Eli says? That's anger from previous lives that was never set free.
What are you talking about? It makes sense.
Clean living with higher thinking, Shawn.
I think they've found a higher way of living.
Okay, stop it.
Just You stop it.
You have been sucked into this thing because Nicole is pretty in a Kate Hudson from Almost Famous sort of way, and you're you.
Burton Oh.
Don't be jealous, Shawn.
You know what they say, love is abounding and is for everyone.
True, Nicole is beautiful, but she is merely a vessel for that love.
Right.
And true, that vessel is smoking hot and sometimes bathes in an outdoor shower Really? Yes, but we cannot possess love, Shawn.
That kiss was not just between her and me.
It was with everyone.
Right, I would leave you here, but I owe it to your parents to see this thing through.
Burton I appreciate this talk, Shawn, but it's time to get transcendental and rejoice in the wonder of the day.
Wonder? Hello? You were right, Shawn.
It was Pierce.
We caught him in possession of drugs stolen from evidence.
No kidding.
Yeah, we got him to cop to it.
He tried to make a run for it, but now he's in custody.
He's been doing this for months now, working alone.
Lassiter's confident we can get him to confess to the murder of Dan Cooper and lead us to the body.
Yes! Jules! This is amazing! It means I can get the hell out of this place, and that Gus isn't gonna end up robbing a bank in a beret with a machine gun.
What? Hello? Hello? Hey, buddy? Gus? Come on.
We're out of here.
Don't bother me, Shawn.
My aura shield is up, which means my prana vayu and my apana vayu are in the midst of harmonizing.
Correction, were in the midst of harmonizing.
My bad.
That's my bad, clearly.
I just wanted to apologize for earlier, and tell you that I too could use some harmony.
So Why don't we rendezvous at the Peace Ash and reconnect with our, uh, Shoshanna Lonsteins? I do love me some Peace Ash.
See? That's what I'm talking about Hey, Nicole.
Bye, Nicole.
Let's go.
I'm pretty sure the Peace Ash is back the other way, Shawn.
Yeah, well, I'm taking a short cut.
Doesn't seem like a short cut to me.
That's because it's a short cut the heck out of here.
What? Gimme that ridiculous thing! What are you doing? I'm going home, Gus.
You tricked me.
Hey, isn't that the same car that tried to run down Nicole? Yes, but it doesn't make any sense.
Pierce is in custody.
That means Pierce isn't the killer.
And the killer just got here.
Nicole! Nicole! Nicole! What are you doing, trying to summon every Nicole within 50 miles? One of you gonna hand me a towel? She seems fine.
Yeah.
I'll get it.
Okay.
Oh, good, you made it.
We got here as soon as we could.
Thank you.
Great directions, Spencer.
If it wasn't for the fetid stench of unwashed hippie pits, we might never have found this place at all.
We are not hippies, sir.
We enjoy the serenity of isolation.
And I welcome you.
I'm Eli.
You may call me Eli.
This is what our troops have been fighting to protect? The right not to wear brassieres? You like what you see, Slim? Back off, Squeaky Fromme.
Spencer, where's this car you were talking about? I don't want to spend one more second with these do-nothings than I have to.
ELl: We're hardly "do nothings.
" These are some of the most successful members of your malfunctioning society come together.
And this is a fully operational farm.
Oh, I'll bet it is, Cheech.
How about I bring some pals down from the DEA and we help with the harvest? Shame! Shame! If we're all done making friends here, why don't I stay with Nicole and you guys go check out the car? Great.
Why, thank you.
Love.
Love.
Come here.
Come here, come.
Come.
Please be careful.
The killer's here, somewhere.
Gus.
Love, love, love Gus? Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Love, love, love No plates, no registration.
We'll have to run the VIN by the DMV.
Gus, check out the tiny apples.
The berries are green now because they were just pulled from the vine, but in a few days, they're gonna be this bright, beautiful red.
Ripe and ready to eat.
That means the killer didn't just get here.
He's been here the whole time.
Eli, I'm gonna need to interrogate your entire herd of weirdos.
You're gonna treat us all like criminals? There is your problem, sir.
Come with me.
I have a much more effective ceremony which all my brothers and sisters gather in the barn and speak the truth.
Dare I even ask what you call this flowery gathering of nonsense? The Barn of Truth.
Okay.
I know we don't do this very often, but sometimes we need to purge ourselves of our secrets, maybe some lies.
So let's keep it loose, speak freely, get it all out in the open, and then get together for a community hug and send these outsiders on their way.
Milosh, my man, the gourd of transparency please.
This is your left shoe, Milosh.
The gourd.
I need the gourd.
Oops.
Okay.
Thank you.
Remember, if you want the floor, you must hold the gourd.
Now, who'd like to get something off their chest? I do.
Of course.
This is beyond ridiculous.
Thank you.
Hi.
I've had a series of deliciously impure dreams where I'm dumping out cold butter, sugar, raw eggs, flour and chocolate chips all over the exposed body of that man.
This is a rough moment for me.
We have a history.
That's not He washed my bloomers.
Okay.
They were community bloomers.
I told you that on the phone.
And I was assigned those bloomers.
It was a work assignment from Eli.
They were so clean! Okay.
That was great.
Thank you.
Thank you, thank you very much.
Okay, very good.
Anyone else? I'd like to give Can I have a go? Do what you want.
Ahem.
I have to tell them the truth, Nicole.
When you went to Santa Barbara, I know you weren't going shopping for bobbins the other day.
I know you were going to see a man.
Okay.
Well, actually, it wasn't like that at all.
We exchanged notes.
But we never actually met.
I got there, I got there half an hour early, and then I saw that terrible thing happen so, we never even met.
Yeah, I know that she went to the computer.
I read her e-mails.
Okay, well, all he wants So, she's a constant No, actually, I have the gourd.
All he wanted to do was talk.
Oh? Really? Give me the damn gourd.
Oh, because I'm sure that Loudlrish@TFI.
com was simply gonna drive into the city to chat it up in an alley.
The truth.
Okay.
Okay.
Of course! Okay? Truth? Truth? The truth is maybe I do miss the outside world.
Okay? But all he wanted to do was ask me questions about this place, that's it, if you really need to know.
Okay? It's not a big deal.
Okay, okay.
I'll tell you what he wanted.
What he wanted was to walk hand in hand with you with each other's hands Okay, okay.
In your back pockets.
That's what he was looking for.
No! That's great.
I have the gourd.
I don't even I have the gourd.
Okay.
Thanks, that's great.
Maybe when we get two gourds we can work that out.
That was really interesting.
Thank you for that.
Really putting it all out on the table.
You went to meet a man but didn't.
We move on.
Wait a minute.
That e-mail address Hold up, if you want to speak, you have to score the gourd.
You're kidding, right? I never kid.
You shut up.
That e-mail address, it belonged to Dan Cooper.
I saw it in his Internal Affairs file.
That means the man that Nicole went to visit is the same man that she saw killed.
What? No.
No, that's not possible.
He never said anything about being a police officer! He didn't.
So upsetting Dead man was a cop.
I had no idea! You have to believe me! He found my Facebook page.
Really? That's funny.
I thought you guys didn't have stuff like that.
We don't.
It's sort of a secret.
Did you change your relationship status? Cooper was his name.
He reached out to me.
He said he had questions about my life here, like maybe he was looking for something missing in his life.
I understood that.
You know, he was sweet, like Burton.
That's how I do it.
He never sent me a photo of himself.
We set up a place to meet, he said he would find me.
Then I saw the murder and I fled.
I never thought it was the same person, that's the truth.
I swear it.
Why didn't you tell anyone about this? Because it's complicated.
People might get the wrong idea.
Right.
I know that she went to the computer.
I read her e-mails.
You're pretty cute, sunshine.
I'm getting something.
I sense that you and Geoff have a previous relationship.
Yes, we were married.
He's my ex-husband.
She was married.
I just heard "were" and "ex".
I left him two years ago and I moved on.
He never did.
I'm also sensing that he is jealous enough to have followed you into the city and murder the man he suspected you were seeing.
I think I know where we're going next.
Where's Geoff's hut? Oh, hi.
What do you want? You got any problem with us searching your hovel? No, not at all.
Please.
Why would I? Well then, step aside, Gandhi! Oh, vision of darkness! Shed some light on the dark shed! Check the shed.
Keep your eyes on him.
Oh, boy Can I get anything for you? No, not you.
No.
Stay there.
That's Cooper.
Please, this is a horrible misunderstanding.
You little tree humpers are all the same, aren't you? You profess to be saving the world, but deep down, you're all just a bunch of freedom-hating murderers.
Gah! I like freedom! Eli! Get your feet off the seat! So, Geoff killed Cooper just because he thought he was seeing his ex-wife? Well, the heart can make you believe some pretty crazy things.
Isn't that right, Gus? Brother Shawn, for the last time, my support for this community has nothing to do with Nicole.
Who's that, Cooper's wife? No, Cooper was single.
I'm sensing this woman used to live here.
Her name is Cynthia Cooper.
We were the first women to join this community about 15 years ago.
We were like sisters.
What happened? Six years back, she woke up and decided she had enough.
I guess she missed her family and her luxuries of the old life.
Why are we still talking to these stinky flag burners? We've already got the bad guy.
Carlton, really? What do you mean, the old life? She was a promising ob-gyn.
I was a hedge fund manager.
A pretty big one.
I used to be a trust fund kid.
Where is Cynthia now? I've been searching for her myself.
But, last I heard, she was living in a trailer park and had become mentally unstable.
All right, I'm getting something here.
But I'm gonna need you guys to make some phone calls.
You're so very close to me, it's Excellent.
Your empathy transports should be well tonified.
Now, for our next exercise, you're going to need a partner.
Who'd like to be mine? Me! Me, I wanna be your partner! Please! All right.
But first, I'd like to try a little exercise of my own.
It's called raise your hand if you're a swindling crook pretending to be a spiritual leader.
What are you talking about? Let me ask you all a question.
Who here, other than Milosh, wasn't making a ton of dough before joining this community? Gus? You actually joined this freak show? No, but I ain't mad at the idea of it.
Of course everyone here was wealthy.
Why do you think they came to me? Wealth creates unhappiness.
Did they really just come to you, Eli? Really? Upon arrival, you all signed this piece of paper, correct? Well, yeah.
It's a pledge of simplicity.
Right.
It's a carefully worded document that gives Eli here power of attorney.
Which means he now owns everything that used to belong to you.
Don't listen to him.
He's a slave to his own cynicism.
I'm a slave to love, Jack.
And fashion.
And movies where dogs cover their eyes when couples get intimate around them.
Nicole, that man you went to meet that day? His name was Dan Cooper.
He was a cop, and he was murdered by Eli, not your ex-husband.
Cooper was the one guy that knew what Eli was up to.
His sister, Cynthia Cooper, used to live here for years.
It's true.
She was here before all your time.
But then she left, and she discovered she was ruined and was never the same.
And that is when Cooper decided to start building a case against the man responsible.
He's right.
We confirmed it with his boss.
That's why Cooper reached out to you, Nicole, pretending to be a lost soul.
You mean, all he wanted was information about the commune? That's correct.
Though, if he'd actually met you, I suspect he would've have wanted much, much more.
Eli did his homework.
He knew that Cooper was on to him, so he tracked him down and killed him in cold blood.
The one thing he wasn't expecting was you, Nicole, witnessing the whole thing.
That was a hell of a surprise, so he had to act fast.
He thought he had you, but then he was blindsided again.
Although your esteemed leader did catch one break.
Nicole didn't get a good enough look to know it was him.
And when she returned, he knew his secret was safe.
This is total insanity.
Look at how I live.
What would I do with all this wealth you think that I'm stealing? I don't know, flee the country perhaps? You applied for a U.
S.
Passport last Tuesday.
So? How do you know that, by the way? You're not the only one around here who sees things, Brother.
He was planning on taking all the stuff he stole from you and fleeing to beautiful Antigua, to live in the house that he now owns courtesy of Geoff.
Eli, is this true? Of course not, Milosh.
No! I devoted my life to you! Should I shoot him in the leg? No, Dot's got mad wheels.
Eli! Shawn? Why am I wearing mala beads around my neck? 'Cause you're a fool.
Are you ever gonna let me forget about this? No, I'm not.
That's gonna leave a mark.
That's for believing me.
And that's for saving my life.
I'm gonna miss you.
Miss me? What do you mean? I'm off to India.
What? For how long? Well, I kind of bought a one way ticket.
I just had the most amazing idea! Come with me.
What would we do in India? We'll meditate, align our chakras, get in touch with our inner light.
Oh, and you'll get to meet Rama Murthi.
He's incredible.
Who's Rama Murthi? He's incredible.
You said that already.
The three of us will bask in golden light and liberate our inhibitions.
Um Are you crazy? Love will abound, Gus.
My love doesn't abound like that.
But it can.
But it won't.
How about I check you when you get back? I'll look forward to that.
This is an awfully long way to come for a piece of fruit, Shawn.
You'll soon understand, Jules.
I saw how tirelessly you worked to make sure that these people got everything back that was stolen from them.
So, what does that have to So, you get your reward.
Oh, my God.
Yes.
Hi, Shawn.
Ahh! Dot! Shawn! Hey! I just wanted to thank you for everything.
I haven't dreamed like that in years.
Okay, all right, let's You are a very lucky lady, indeed.
That's my chest.
That's How are you, Dot? Pretty damn good.
Since I got my money back, Geoff and I are planning on buying this place.
Get out of here! That's great.
Yeah.
Geoffrey! I owe you one, big guy.
Yeah.
Oh, hey! Congratulations.
Come here.
Ah, hey! Didn't get quite enough.
Jules? Jules? I know, you know That I'm not telling the truth I know, you know They just don't have any proof Embrace the deception Learn how to bend Your worst inhibitions tend to psych you out in the end I know, you know