Shameless US Episode Scripts

N/A - Hiraeth

1 Oh, Jesus.
(SIGHS) Will you please pay attention, so we can stop doing these stupid fucking recaps? There's absolutely no way in hell that you're going to be able to raise that baby, and I am going to get stuck doing it.
Aah! - Push! - (BOTH SCREAMING) It's amazing, Debs.
My daughter.
So what are we doing? Whatever you want, I guess.
I want you.
We had sex last night.
Then why the fuck are you telling me? I want to keep doing it.
(SCOFFS) I get ready now, open bar.
( ROCK MUSIC ) It's a brave new world, Fiona.
Can you keep me company tonight? LIP: If she loses her job because of me, she she's still never gonna want to see me again.
What do you want from all this? Idon't want her to lose her job, and I want her to not break up with me.
You're losing your shit.
Go home, sober up.
You don't give a shit about me, because you don't have to! You're officially fucking fired! Fuck you! Oh, you feel that shit? Oh! YOUENS: You're a drunk.
You need help.
I know a place.
LIP: A rehab? YOUENS: You go, you work the steps.
- You a virgin? - Yeah.
- I was thinking maybe you and me - Yeah.
Fiona Gallagher, will you marry me? Yeah.
(LAUGHS) Frank, this is my wedding day.
Please don't fuck it up.
Go, Frank.
You're not wanted here.
I know you, Seany boy.
Takes a dope fiend to know a dope fiend, and you are world class.
How many hits did it take you this morning? Is that true? Oh, he's a junkie through and through, your husband-to-be.
(GRUNTING) I'm sorry.
The fuck is? Wait.
No! Don't! No, no, no, no, no! Think of all the luck you got Know that it's not for naught You were beaming once before But it's not like that anymore What is this downside That you speak of? What is this feeling You're so sure of? Round up the friends you got Know that they're not for naught You were willing once before But it's not like that anymore What is this downside That you speak of? What is this feeling You're so sure of? ( MELLOW ROCK MUSIC ) I asked the lady for sun She gave me nothing but rain I asked the lady to run She cursed and told me to stay I asked the lady to die She ripped the reaper's face You are the fugitive kind I asked the lady to fly And so she crawled on the ground I asked the lady to cry So she burned my tears out I asked her why oh why She gave me a thousand more doubts You are the fugitive kind Oh Oh oh oh oh Oh Oh oh oh oh Oh Oh oh oh oh You are the fugitive kind Wild things leave skins behind them Clean skin, teeth, and white bones You pass these things one to another So the fugitive kind can Follow their kind And Oh oh oh Oh Oh oh oh (VOCALIZING) You are the fugitive kind (WOMAN HUMMING) (HUMMING CONTINUES) (WOMAN HUMMING) You don't know me 'cause you're dead wrong (HUMMING CONTINUES) (HUMMING CONTINUES) ( DRAMATIC MUSIC ) (HUMMING) You know I dream in colors Do the things I want (HUMMING) Stronger What doesn't kill ya makes ya stronger Stand a little taller (STOPS HUMMING) ( ROCK MUSIC ) Whoa, shit! Oh! Ho-ho! Sweet Mary mother of Jesus! John Doe is awake! I can't do it, Franny.
I'm not a good mother.
Fiona was right.
I'm too young.
You'll be better off here without me.
Carl, Dom's here! - He up? - Yeah, he should be.
I woke him a while ago.
- (KNOCKS ON DOOR) - Debs? Morning, boo.
You know where Debbie and Franny are? Uh, bowl to the sink.
We're late.
Don't forget your lunch.
(SMOOCHES) Bye, Carl! Don't forget to lock the front door! Bye, Dominique! Bye! Carl, we're gonna be late.
Okay, I'm serious.
Okay, no.
We got to get to school.
(LAUGHS SOFTLY) You really want me to stop? No, but we can't be late again.
(SIGHS) Fine.
How about? On my way back home I thought I was dying Thirty seconds or less? No problem.
You don't remember anything? (HOARSELY) I was going to a wedding.
I was wet and cold, very cold.
Cold saved you.
Your core body temperature was under 90 degrees when the rescue team brought you in.
Can I get your name, sir? You didn't have any identification on you when they pulled you out of the lake.
We've got to get you admitted properly.
I was in the lake? Do you have any health insurance, sir? How long was I out? Can be a bit of a shock when you wake up from a comatose state to FRANK: How long? Twenty-nine days.
Nobody tried to find me? Jesus.
Working a 24-hour.
Won't be home until the morning.
Well, I'm off tomorrow night.
Want to catch dinner and a movie? I thought you were pulling a double.
I was supposed to, but Juanita needs the overtime for her Down kid's summer camp.
I can't tomorrow night.
I have a thing.
A thing? I'm meeting an old high school friend for dinner.
Old friend? Denise.
Denise, not Dennis.
She's married with kids.
I gotta go.
Okay, we have to figure this out.
We're in this together, right, Franny? Yeah.
Beautiful baby.
What's her name? Talia.
That's cool.
This is Franny.
My dad's Frank, so Francis, Franny Excuse me.
Olga, table six is looking for their check.
Thank you.
Johnny, where's the huevos rancheros for table 15? JOHNNY: Yeah, yeah, all right.
And there's no hash browns on the scramble with peppers.
I'm workin' on it! So you need to start more hash browns.
Little backed up, boss.
Out of ones at the register.
Take 'em out of the tip jar.
And the credit card terminal's not working again.
What's it saying? "Authorizing"? It's been like that for, like, ten minutes.
Do they have cash? Want to write a check.
Okay, get ID.
And the meat delivery guy is here and he needs a signature.
Keep an eye on that bacon, Johnny.
You were supposed to be here yesterday.
Refrigeration unit on the truck broke down.
You only have one truck? 'Cause we ran out of hamburger meat last night.
I had to go buy patties at Osco.
Okay, you gotta stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
Hey, ay, ay, ay, ay.
- Ouch.
- Okay, okay.
- [SPEAKING SPANISH] - Go get a broom and a dustpan.
Okay? Let's get this cleaned up.
- (SIGHS) - And and get back out front after you finish this.
Here we go.
- (MUMBLING) - Okay, I know.
Just breathe, Marina.
Sit down.
- Okay.
- Oh, he just put the tray only halfway, and boom! - [SPEAKING SPANISH] - It's okay, it's okay.
Don't worry about it.
It's fine.
- (SIGHS) - Okay, let's see.
- Ay.
- Okay.
- Ay, no, it's okay.
- Oh, okay.
- No, no, no, no, no.
- It's okay.
That's deep.
No, you might need stitches.
No, I'm fine, it's okay.
- I - You should go to Urgent Care.
No, it's okay.
Fiona, I need to leave early for a doctor's appointment.
How early? Like, pretty soon.
My fibroids are acting up.
Are you askin' or tellin'? Tellin'.
No, it's okay.
I just super glue it.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- No stitches.
It's fine.
Go to Urgent Care, bring me the bill, the restaurant will pay you back.
(SIGHS) Go, go, go.
It's okay, go.
(MUTTERS, SIGHS) (SIGHS) You never want to go down on me.
I always go down on you, but you don't ever go down on me.
We could, like, watch a movie or something together and see how it's done.
I know how it's done.
You've done it before? Do you hate it or something? No not really.
So you just don't want to do it with me? Yeah.
Why? Your thing is kind of weird.
It has all this extra skin and it kind of freaks me out.
It's no big deal, okay? I still like you.
Open, open.
- (CRYING) - Open.
- (CRYING) - Nope.
Someone needs to go to Costco today.
We're running low on baby wipes.
I got it.
Open, open, open.
Kev, you open the bar today with Svetlana.
I'll bring the babies over after morning nap.
- No.
- No.
Yvegeny has butt rash again.
- Ooh.
- VERONICA: On the list.
Who's got Mommy and Me tomorrow? Oh, that's me.
First shower? VERONICA: Go for it.
Thank you.
Towels are still in the dryer.
( ROCK MUSIC ) Anybody want to wash my back? Don't use all the hot water.
So you did it.
I did.
How was it? It was pretty boring, actually.
Get anything out of it? Oh, yeah.
I learned a lot.
Like what? The people in there are pretty fucked up, definitely need to quit drinking.
(CHUCKLES) That a fact? And I learned, uh a lot of new clichés.
One day at a time.
This too shall pass.
Keep it simple.
Do the next right thing.
Let go, let God.
They're big on clichés in AA.
It doesn't mean they're not true.
So can I take you to a meeting? Hey, you're going to meetings now? No.
I just said I'd take you to one.
Never got that fixed, huh? (SIGHS) Been meaning to take care of it.
Come on.
I'll give you a lift.
- Insurance? - No.
(GAGS IN PAIN) Cough again.
(GROANS) - Jesus! - All done.
Fortunately, the hospital offers several payment plans to help you take care of your bill.
Can I get some more of this cherry Jell-O? It's delicious.
You can handle it in two or three easy monthly payments.
Some mashed potatoes.
Maybe a little pudding.
How much? What's that for? Time to take out your Foley.
Okay, sir, it looks like it's gonna be hold on, I forgot the respiratory therapist.
Okay, here we go.
No wait, pharmacy.
It's not a completely accurate number, but for 30 days of ICU care, six CTs, four MRIs, urology, proctology, dermatology, skilled nursing, nutritionist, labs, pharmacy Take a deep breath.
Should be a little less than 150,000.
Dollars? Oh! Fucking mother of Satan! - All done.
- Aah! What the fuck's the matter with you? 100 grand? Where are my fucking clothes? Sir, you need to stay where you are.
I am not paying you a fucking cent.
That's not a good idea, sir.
You need to stay for a few more days.
You've been inactive for a month.
Your muscles will have atrophied.
Where are my fucking clothes? (GRUNTS) (CHUCKLES) (BODY THUDS) ( MELLOW ROCK MUSIC ) Hi, Franny.
(SIGHS) Watch your footie.
There we go.
Look at this, Franny.
Bunny? Hop, hop.
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo - - (SCOFFS) (BABBLES) Do you like your jacket? Doo doo doo doo doo Holy shit.
(BABBLES) Oh, my God.
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo (UNINTELLIGIBLE CHATTER) (SCHOOL BELL RINGS) (ENGINE TURNS OFF) Dying for a piece of pie? No.
I just, uh, I need to talk to my sister.
So you gonna help me get a job? How's that? I held up my end of the deal.
I-I did the 30 days.
I can make a few calls.
But it'll likely be an internship.
No pay? You get your foot in the door.
Make some contacts.
(SIGHS) What about college? I was expelled.
(LAUGHS SOFTLY) I'm aware.
You can transfer your credits.
Finish your degree someplace else.
(SIGHS) So you'll make those calls? A promise is a promise.
You good? Yeah, no, I've never been better.
I got a, uh a pocket full of these, uh AA chips.
A new four-pack-a-day cigarette habit to keep me off the hooch.
I'm too busy hacking up a lung to drink, so Want coffee? Sure, yeah, that'd be good.
Hey, eight hasn't been bussed in, like, 20 minutes.
Where's Paco? He's washing dishes.
Vilma's still at Urgent Care.
I'll bus it.
You're the boss now? (SIGHS) Temporarily.
I'm filling in till they find a new manager.
I can't wait to get back to waiting tables.
This job sucks.
What's with the tattoo? (CHUCKLES) Something to remind me not to be an idiot.
I was gonna get it tattooed on my forehead, but chickened out.
You want something to eat? Uh, no.
But I could use a job.
I'm a little short of cash.
What about finishing college? Is that off the table? It's not for me.
Your future off the table too? No, I-I got a professor.
Uh, he's gonna help me find something.
A tech startup or IT.
It just might be a while before I get paid, you know? Could use another dishwasher.
Yeah, when can I start? I could use some help right now.
That's great.
I'm Around back.
(SIREN WAILING) You're quiet today.
Your fireman? I wanted to catch a movie tomorrow, and he's having dinner with a friend.
SUE: Oh? A woman.
Oh, well nothing to be worried about there.
I don't know.
He was acting kind of weird.
How so? I don't know, it's just a feeling, like maybe he wasn't telling the truth.
You gotta trust those instincts.
Met this guy online, started dating him for months.
Turns out he was married and he had kids.
I mean, can you believe that shit? How'd you find out? I stalked him on Valentine's Day when he bailed on me, gave me some shit about his mother having a stroke.
- IAN: Uh-huh.
- Turns out he was living this whole other life.
(UNINTELLIGIBLE RADIO CHATTER) What'd you do? Kicked his ass.
I got him into bed, I tied him up, and I super glued his dick to his leg and I wrote "lying slut" on his chest with a Sharpie.
- (LAUGHS) - And let me tell you something.
- (SIREN STOPS) - That shit doesn't come off.
He must have been pretty pissed.
Oh, he called me a couple months later, told me he'd gotten a divorce.
Yeah? You ever see him again? I married him.
That was Joe? That was Joe.
I guess he really liked my spirit.
Damn it.
I can't get the deposits to reconcile with the receipts.
I've gone over it, like, 20 times.
All right, I finally put the babies down, and it was hard.
Amy went down, then Yvegeny woke up crying, then Amy went back down again, then Gemma wakes up with a poopy.
(SNORTS) A poopy? Yeah, a poopy.
What, you never changed a diaper before? - Never did.
- Oh, bullshit.
You got, like, ten kids.
I paid the bills.
Margie changed the diapers and kept the house clean.
It worked out just fine.
Oh, yeah, that's why you're living in a shitty one-bedroom and she got the house.
- Yeah! - Huh.
It's done.
What? How? Oh, you didn't carry over your credits.
- TOMMY: What the hell? - I'm good with numbers.
- Oh, you want to do my taxes? - SVETLANA: Ha.
46 times 20.
4,127 times 30.
- Is that right? - (ADDING MACHINE WHIRS) Yeah.
How the hell you do that? I don't know.
I see it in my head.
4,690, 126 times 1,413.
413? 6,655, 827,542.
- Aah! - WOMAN: Uh Set 'em up, barkeep.
My liver's been on vacation, and I got a month's worth of drinking to catch up on.
Where the hell you been? Hospital.
They pulled me out of the lake.
Must have fallen in drunk after the wedding and washed into Lake Michigan.
(CHUCKLES) (GRUNTS) (GRUNTS) We thought you were dead.
I'm indestructible.
The doc said the cold would've killed a lesser man.
But not the Frank.
Why are you in a wheelchair? Temporary setback.
I was in a coma.
(CHUCKLES) (MELLOW ROCK IN BACKGROUND) Can I get a beer? Hospital said nobody came looking for me.
I guess you lowlifes assumed I was on a bender after unloading my oldest on that fucking junkie.
You don't remember.
Don't remember what? ( ROCK MUSIC ) FRANK: Wait.
Sean! Sean! What the fuck? No, no, no, no.
Son of a bitch.
You threw me in.
- Hey, Debs.
- Hey! - Hi.
- When'd you get out? Oh, is that is that Franny? Yeah.
Wow, she really grew up fast, huh? (CHUCKLES) (BELL JINGLING) Nice stroller.
It's a pram.
A pram? Like in Mary Poppins.
Where'd you get it? I found it in the park.
I'm gonna sell it.
Holy shit.
It's a Silver Cross Balmoral Classic.
Costs $4,000 new.
You're kidding me.
Nope, look.
Yeah, that's going on Craigslist.
When do you head back to college? I'm not.
Well, where will you live? Uh, here uh, I guess.
You know, is there a bed for me? Well, Ian's at Caleb's most of the time, so you can probably take his bedroom.
Do you need us to hide the beer and stuff? No, no, I'm okay.
Thanks, Debs.
Are you sure? It's no big deal to hide it.
Oh, it's cool, Debs.
It's whatever.
Somebody already wants to buy the pram.
Yeah, how much? 2,500? What, dollars? Yeah, dollars.
(KEYS CLACKING) (BELL BLARES) (UNINTELLIGIBLE CHATTER IN DISTANCE) Fifty percent of gay men in committed relationships cheat.
Study they did at San Francisco State: out of 560 committed gay relationships, 50% cheat regularly.
Have you cheated on him? No.
Well, then he's the 50% cheating in your relationship.
I don't think statistics work that way.
I trust Caleb.
Of course you do.
But that doesn't mean he's not out there gobbling stray dick.
( ROCK MUSIC ) Hey! Anybody home? Gallaghers! (WHISTLES SHARPLY) (GRUNTS) (GRUNTS) (GRUNTING) Fuck.
Hey! Motherfuck! Open this goddamn door now! Hey, down here.
How's it been going, man? Go get your dad's wheelchair, will you, son? FRANK: Are you serious? (GRUNTING) Anybody home that can go get my wheelchair? Debbie! Ian! Lip! (GRUNTING) Fiona! Come on.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
It's beautiful.
Why in the world are you parting with it? I got two at my baby shower, so I decided I only really needed one.
When did he get back? Just now, I guess.
That his tux from the wedding? Think so.
Should we move him? Hell no.
Hey, um, Lip, you have trouble with getting girls to give you, like, BJs? No.
No, not really.
Even though you're not circumcised? I'm circumcised.
You are? Yeah.
What, you're not? - No.
- (LIP CRUNCHES CHIP) What about you? Circumcised.
What about Liam? I don't remember.
So I am the only one.
You've seen a lot of wood.
Most of them cut? Most, not all.
(SIGHS) It's not, like, a big deal.
You just gotta keep it clean.
Yeah, what's up? Something happen? Dom won't go down on me 'cause I'm not circumcised.
Well, I'm sorry.
What a bitch.
IAN: Well, do you wash it thoroughly? Like, scrub it every day? Yeah.
I mean I guess so.
Yeah, keep that puppy squared away, you shouldn't have any problems.
IAN: Yeah, you know, there's nothing worse than heading down south and getting a whiff of some moldy foreskin that smells like a homeless guy's shoes.
(SNIFFS) Think I'm gonna hit the shower.
(SIGHS) Maybe we shouldn't have thrown Frank in the river.
Fuck that.
We should've tied an engine block around his neck and made sure he didn't come back up.
Shh! (BAR SILENCES) (BABY CRYING OVER MONITOR) Oh, son of a bitch! I'm not doing it.
I'm not my nipples are still sore.
Oh, you three are still breastfeeding? It's cheaper than milk.
And it's healthier for the babies.
Can I watch? Forty dollars.
- Fifty.
- Thirty.
- Sixty.
- Forty.
But I get to video it on my phone.
Whoa! Lipton Iced Tea, what's going on? Hey, I thought you were in rehab.
No, no, released on my own recognizance.
Should you even be in here? I'm not an alcoholic.
I don't have to drink.
I just, uh, enjoy a cocktail or two at the end of a long day.
But I got rules now.
I don't drink before 7:00.
I don't drink on an empty stomach.
Always hide the car keys.
Give someone your phone so you don't make any embarrassing calls.
No more than two ounces of alcohol in an hour.
No more than 12 in a night.
I get two beers per AA chip.
One shot per chip.
And a boilermaker is three chips.
(PHONE BEEPING) And that's seven o'clock.
Two beers, please.
Oh, and, uh, can you get me an eight-ounce glass of water? I gotta stay hydrated.
- (GROANS) - CARL: Hey.
Why aren't I circumcised? What? Now I have to get it done.
(GROANS) Why the hell would you want to do that? 'Cause of my girl.
It's better not to be circumcised.
More feeling in the old puppy when you don't get its tail bobbed.
Self-lubricating too.
Be a champ.
Go get my wheelchair in the yard.
You circumcised? I am.
I didn't have much say in the matter.
I was only hours old when they cut into my manhood.
It hurt? I cried like a baby.
Anyone try to find me when I was in the ICU for the last month? No.
How come? We were kind of hoping you were dead.
Yeah, Domino's guy said it was already paid for, so we're trying to eat it all before he figures out he delivered it to the wrong place.
Right place.
I put it on my credit card.
You have a credit card? It just doesn't have my name on it.
(BAG DROPS) Oh, shit.
Frank's alive? (GRUNTS) Will somebody anybody please get my fucking wheelchair? - No.
- Fuck off, Frank.
Six new onesies, three new pairs of shoes, and a Diaper Genie.
Got a little something special for Mommy too.
Hey, anybody know who she belongs to? I found her outside.
Jolayemi? Hi, I'm Debbie.
Who the hell is Jolayemi? My new night nurse.
Your what? Jolayemi stays up with Franny so I can have a good night's sleep and be refreshed in the morning.
Mm, where'd you get the money for a night nurse? I started an online business.
(THUDDING UPSTAIRS) What was that? CARL: Probably Frank.
Frank's back? Since when? Couple a hours ago.
Claims he was in a coma.
This the baby? Uh, yes.
She's a joy, but not a great sleeper.
Does she sleep in your bed? - (FRANK YELLING) - Sometimes, you know? - I'm really careful.
- FRANK: Stop stop it! - (FIONA GRUNTING) - I did you a fucking favor getting rid of that junkie! I keep a pillow between us so that I don't smother her or anything.
- FRANK: Ow! - It's much easier when I'm really tired to have Franny in bed with me so that I just can just roll over and feed her.
FRANK: At the hands of that lying junkie! Stop it! No.
I am a truth-teller! But you're too weak to aah! (GROANS) Oh, God.
(DOOR SLAMS SHUT) Hi, I'm Fiona.
(GROANS) ( MELLOW ROCK MUSIC ) I was the guard In the rations room Hungry eyes of the hippopotamus The favorite child and some Looney Tunes The scoundrel of my inheritance There are others on the shoes of truth I thought I was the heaviest breather ( UPBEAT FOLK MUSIC ) Ahh.
How'd she sleep? Not good.
Well I'm gonna go take a shower.
Hm, smells like somebody might need a clean diaper.
Work in a half an hour.
(LIP CLEARS HIS THROAT) Boo, good morning.
(SMOOCHES) School, hey, up.
Good morning, Fiona.
You okay? Yeah.
Oh, yeah, just walk right by.
Ignore your father that you tried to drown in the river, that you left in a hospital to rot.
I was only telling the truth.
You can't kill the truth.
The truth will set you free.
(DOOR OPENS) Hey, good morning.
Coffee? Nah, thanks.
Only got a couple hours of sleep.
Apartment fire around 10 last night.
Then a multi-vehicle on South Lake Shore.
I'm gonna hit the rack.
You okay? Fine.
You don't look fine.
(REFRIGERATOR DOOR CLOSES) Want me to guess? I have to get to work.
It's Denise, right? (REFRIGERATOR DOOR THUDDING) We grew up together.
She was my senior prom date.
You went to senior prom? Hell yeah.
I was voted prom king.
Gay man having a fag hag cover for him with his friends.
And with my family.
Look, I was the quarterback.
I had to keep up appearances for school.
Your family like her? Loved her.
Still hear about her from my folks.
How great she was, how beautiful and smart, and what a shame it is that I let her get away.
(LAUGHS SOFTLY) Jesus, join us for dinner if you want.
We're going to Wildfire.
Well, Lip just got out of rehab, so I'm gonna catch up with him later.
I'm gonna hit the shower.
Say hi to Lip for me.
(FOOD SIZZLING) Hey, Fiona, that preppy shithead guy is out here again.
Chad? Hi.
You finally find someone to run this dump? (CHUCKLES) I wish.
We're still interviewing.
Look, I was hoping I could impose on you to keep filling in for the next few weeks.
I-I'm sorry.
This is my fault.
I've been stuck in planning hearings with the city over this new multi-building project on the West Side Look, this management thing is a pain in my ass.
I'm losing money.
I need to get back to waiting tables, where the real money is.
Waiting tables is real money? Beats the minimum wage you guys pay management.
Da better than minimum wage.
Not by much.
With all the extra hours I end up having to work to cover all the bullshit that comes up? I-I came in yesterday at 6 a.
I didn't get home till 9 last night.
Okay, tell you what.
Pay yourself an extra 50 cents an hour and make up the difference.
You would be doing me a huge favor.
An extra buck an hour.
I love your dress.
Hey, everybody.
Debbie? Where's Franny? With my nanny, Jolayemi.
You have a nanny? Well, she's actually my night nurse.
What's a night nurse? She stays up with Franny so I can sleep through the night and wake up refreshed and ready to greet the day.
Can your night nurse watch my Kwandi, too? Sure, no problem.
It's only $20 an hour.
- Twenty bucks? - (BELL RINGING) Premium infant care doesn't come cheap, ladies.
Gotta go.
Hey! (CHUCKLES) I can do it, but I don't recommend it.
Recovery's going to be tough at 16.
I'd suggest you find another girl.
I don't want another girl.
You won't be able to have an erection while the incision heals.
How long will that take? Four days before the stitches can come out.
How much it cost? Around $1,500.
(SIGHS) It's all right, son.
You're gonna get through life just fine without being circumcised.
No, I have the money.
I just need to dig up my rainy day fund.
Can you fit me in this afternoon? - (TV IN BACKGROUND) - You asked her to go through our checkbook and bills? She figured out my screw-up with the Alibi books so fast yesterday, I figured she should look at our home finances too.
She does so many things well.
- Yeah.
- I mean, I thought we were good in the sack, but she's like the Michael Jordan of erotic stimuli.
She is an experienced sex worker.
It's like she has three hands and six tongues.
That thing she was doing last night? I know, and I think she was texting at the same time.
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACH) Family meeting.
Family meeting? What, is that what we're calling sex now? ( ROCK MUSIC ) Loved you once shame on me Loved you twice count to three Loved you once shame on me Loved you twice count to three I don't wanna get used to you Never comin' my way Wah (TRAIN BRAKES SCREECHING) What a beautiful baby.
Ah, yeah, she is, isn't she? What's her name? Franny.
Well, I hope Franny knows how lucky she is to have such a wonderful mother.
I was being a good father.
A great father.
Exposing a liar who was gonna ruin his daughter's life.
And she treats him like a pariah? (INHALES) - Ooh - People won't hear the truth.
They hate you for it.
(GRUNTS SOFTLY) It's my fault.
I was too easy on 'em.
And now they're soft.
Soft as baby poop on a warm summer's day.
(INHALES) Wow, there go a couple of billion brain cells.
(INHALES) The world's gonna fuck ya.
All you can do? Take it up the ass and soldier on.
Hey, you're a pal for listening.
It helps having a friend you can talk to.
You sure? If you've never seen Radiohead in concert, it's pretty fantastic.
Ah, thanks, but I gotta work.
Maybe you could get somebody to cover for you.
- (BELL DINGS) - Really, I appreciate it.
But I got a boyfriend.
You got a new boyfriend? Uh, no.
You're off the professors, I'm off the men.
Really? Don't sound so surprised.
Oh, it's just you've never stayed single long.
Fuck off.
What, it's an historical fact.
Well, no more.
I'm done with men.
(BELL DINGS) Uh, women? No.
Relationships in general.
My instincts suck.
No shithead radar.
Just going cold turkey? Worked for you, didn't it? Yo, you done working soon? - (PHONE RINGING) - Uh Hi.
Hey, Olga, can you get that? - OLGA: Yeah.
- Hi, Ian.
Hi, big sis.
I need your help with something.
You can go soon as you finish up in the back.
- Sweet.
- OLGA: Candy's gonna be a couple of hours late.
Her gout is acting up.
Oh, crap.
Is there any way that you can No, sorry.
Melinda, Candy's gonna be Not a chance.
Eunice? ( ROCK MUSIC ) How's it goin' down there? DR.
SACHS: Almost done.
I can't feel a thing.
SACHS: Don't worry.
You will soon.
Watch your mouth - We've only opened up - (GATE CLATTERS) Pandora's box, you'll pass (PANTING) Unsettling deeds Forget about your record book Take my hands My looks, my simple haircut Making of To take a summer we'll leave Each other to where no one can Break us down It's all right, just give me reasons No, no need to pretend to care I've been looking for you (BOTTLES RATTLING) Fuck.
It's all right, just give me reasons No, no need to pretend to care I've been looking for you I've been looking for you (CLATTERS) (MACHINE CLICKING, WHIRRING) Kevin, family meeting! KEV: Coming! Took a little longer to get ready! (MUMBLING CALCULATIONS) Kevin! (MACHINE WHIRRING) Ready for our family meeting.
This is about family finances.
- Mm.
- Svetlana's been going over our bills and income from the bar.
Sit! We need to increase our revenues and improve our P&L immediately.
You have no life insurance, 401ks, 529s, you have no balance sheet, no income or cash flow forecast.
Our yield on gross revenues are shit.
I'm sorry, ar are we seriously not gonna have sex? 'Cause I kinda took a Viagra.
( MELLOW ROCK MUSIC ) This is fucking stupid.
Why didn't you just go to the dinner with him, meet this Denise? I didn't want him to know that I don't trust him.
Yeah, but you don't trust him.
I don't want him to know that I don't trust him.
All right, he's gonna get off.
All right.
ANNOUNCEMENT) You see, she looks pretty fucking female to me.
Can we go now? No, no, no, no.
Hold on.
ANNOUNCEMENT) ( MELLOW ROCK MUSIC ) At least he's not cheating with a guy, right? Please tell me she has a dick.
Got me speechless Baby Got no words You took them from me When you walked in through the door Till the wind dried out from my chest Hey.
You all right? I can't get an erection for four days.
Then Dom will give me a blowjob.
I'm so speechless Babe I got no words And I was like Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa And you were like Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah And I was like hey hey hey hey hey, baby Do that again, pretty baby Do it again, baby, do it again Come on, do it again come on, do it again You got to do this again