Signed Sealed Delivered (2014) Episode Scripts

N/A - Time to Start Livin'

1 [Nearby car engine fires up] [Door opens] [Dad]: Owen? Owen, are you out of bed? Owen! [Mom]: He's not in the bathroom! - Owen! - Owen! No, I don't know how he got out.
What was he wearing? - Wait! He's here.
- Owen! [Dad]: No, he's fine.
I'm sure.
Of course I remember! But he's just a kid, he doesn't understand all this.
It won't happen again, I promise.
Owen, where have you been? Outside.
Looking at the stars.
Stop calling me "Owen.
" Send me love every day And send me on my way Deliver me just deliver me Signed, Sealed, Delivered - S01E01 Time to Start Livin' Good morning, Ms.
McInerney.
I trust you had a good weekend? I did! I went to the digital sports expo at the convention center.
I skied mt.
Everest, wind-surfed acapulco, and swam the English channel, and that was just at the video vacations exhibit.
All that adventure without the inconvenience of fresh air and sunshine.
Ingenious.
What about you? What did you do? Anything exciting? Ms.
McInerney, I don't think you've been with this department long enough to fully grasp the extent to which we are comfortable sharing personal information.
So you're not gonna share with me what you did this weekend? No.
Oh.
So, last week when you told me that your wife left you last year and is now somewhere at large in Paris, that was somehow Different? Hmm.
Everyone, please be prepared to present our best faces today.
We have been assigned a new supervisor who Oh! I saw her.
Um, Theresa Cappuci? Kappa Damotti? Or something Italian.
[Quiet awe]: Theresa Capodiamonte? Yes! That's it.
- She's rather mature-looking.
- Theresa Capodiamonte is a legend.
Do you see this cup? This is only given to exceptional individuals who have distinguished themselves in the service of mail delivery.
"Dark-of-night award"? "Neither rain, nor sleet, nor dark of night" It was my grandfather's.
Theresa Capodiamonte has six cups.
She's a rockstar! Six-time dark-of-night honoree, a government pay-grade pioneer, not to mention "Miss Special Delivery" of 1969.
She is A goddess in the postal acropolis.
And she's Really right out there? Actually, she's She's right in here, honey! Oh, my goodness! Ms.
Capodiamonte! Welcome.
I My dear, you are Oliver O'Toole! I knew your grandfather.
You did? He was so strong, so powerful.
What a mind.
What hands! That man could hand-stamp anything.
I see him in you.
You do? Oh, yes.
You have his hands.
And his cup, apparently.
Uh, yes, as a matter of fact.
And you, darlings Tell me, you are? Norman Xavier Dorman, Junior.
Norman Dorman? A pleasure.
And, uh, Rita Hayworth? Oh, it's actually, um, "with," so "Rita haywith.
" - "With?" - With.
- With! - "With.
" With! Precious.
You know, the real Rita was a lot taller.
I handled her parcel post back in my days at the Hollywood Wilcox Station.
The Hollywood Station at Wilcox? Well, that's on the national register of historic places.
You were there? Darling, I've worked them all, and I always deliver.
[All chuckling] And you must be Shane.
Shane McInerney.
Ms.
McInerney worked in direct line operations, - but a small miracle brought her to us.
- There are no small miracles, Oliver Only big miracles! They only seem small because we stand so far away from them.
- Well, that's something - Now, I have heard so much about this amazing little team of yours, and before we make any changes, I want to understand your inner-sanctum.
Now, don't mind me.
I'm just going to be here.
And you do that voodoo that you do Well.
I'm sorry.
"Changes"? I have heard that the four of you have a way of thinking outside the mailbox.
- Well, we do occasionally, um - Push the envelope? Oh! Aren't you adorable? [Chuckles] Okay, Oliver.
Show me the magic.
Alright.
Hmm Huh.
Addressed to, "Gramma.
" No first name, no surname.
- Address is "lend him her manners.
" - Ooh.
Tough one.
Mr.
O'Toole has, perhaps, the finest mail-recovery instincts of anyone I've ever worked with.
- Norman? Age of child? - Between 9 and 10.
Reverse side includes a child's drawing, and a P.
S "I'm bringing more spoons so we can make another one.
" "Lend him her manners.
" Her manners manor? "Lend-him-her manor" Oh! "Lendimer manor" retirement home.
4442 hampden boulevard, 80210.
Bravo! Send it off to gramma! Yes, but which gramma? No flies on you, Oliver! I certainly hope not.
In the case where we lack a definitive surname, we have no choice but to Uh ah.
Ms.
Capodiamonte, would you - [Gasps] - Like to do the honors? Sure! Ha.
It's like Christmas.
[Chuckles] Oh.
"Dear gramma.
"I miss you.
"I miss you so, so, so, so "So much.
"I miss walking to school with you.
"We have to walk three whole blocks to dumb old lenox heights elementary now.
"I miss making spoons with you.
"I have mine on our apple tree outside.
How about you?" "Making spoons?" What's with this kid and spoons? "They told me I can't see you for a long, long" [Overlapping with owen]: "Long, long time.
" [Owen, writing]: "It's not fair, gramma.
"I really, really hate it, "especially 'cause I don't want to miss your birthday, "'cause we always have peanut butter and banana pancakes for breakfast.
" "I think you live right down the road, "so that can't be so far.
"So I'm go-wing "to sneak" "Going to sneak out at 9:00 "and ride my bike all night until I get there.
"Don't worry, I have plenty of air in my tires.
"See you Tuesday morning.
"Love, your best friend "You-know-who.
You have to call me "Owen" now.
" Um, postmark is fort Collins.
Oh! Uh, my cousin, wade, is a real estate tycoon there.
He owes me $38.
- Fort Collins - Fort Collins 32.
4 Miles from lendimer manor.
Oh! That's way too far for a little boy to be riding his bike.
Alone, at night? Oliver, when was that letter mailed? Uh, last Friday.
That little boy is going to sneak out of his house and run away from home.
[Both]: Tonight.
Okay.
Recon lendimer manor retirement home, I.
D.
Gramma, deliver communique, debrief subject, intercept the kid, A.
K.
A.
"Owen", thwart his exit, mission accomplished.
[Chuckles] What's all that, Norman? This is my field kit.
I'm thinking, now that we're gonna be in the field more, we should be prepared for anything.
Yeah, 'cause, you never know when gramma might go rogue on you.
[Thud] - No.
You don't.
- [Clasps clicking] Does it really take four people to deliver a letter to grandma? "No postal worker stands taller than when he, or she, stoops to deliver to the least of these.
" Your grandfather taught me that.
Left.
Right.
[Rita]: Everybody's so busy here.
Where are all the old people? Well, my grandma got her blackbelt in tae kwan do when she was 85.
So, now what? There's someone who may help us.
Wow.
Look at all those stamps.
Is that a 2002 olympic bobsled commemorative? I'm sorry.
I don't understand.
You're like the mail police? We investigate difficult, uh, delivery situations.
Sort of like mail-detective/agent People.
Now, it is imperative that we locate the woman to whom this letter is addressed.
Today.
"Gramma.
" Mm-hmm.
Well, that narrows it down.
Sorry, I can't let you read the contents.
Federal regulations.
Well, maybe if you told me what it says, I'd recognize a name.
Everybody brags about their grandchildren.
Has anyone ever mentioned an Owen? Owen? No, that's a new one.
Of course, I've only been here a few months.
How can I help? Pardon me, ma'am.
I represent the United States Postal Service.
Are you currently, or have you ever, been referred to by a grandchild as "gramma"? Gramma? - Mm-hmm.
- No.
They call me "bubby.
" Gramma? Mo-mo.
Grammy, gemmy, peaches.
Well, so far, I've got two nonnas, three maw-maws, and a bubby.
Oma, ama, Mimi, nini.
Well, I got a couple of mo-mos, two mor-mors, three babas, and a Oh, a Shirley.
Oh, Shirley! I met her.
She was left at the altar in 1959 by a butcher who disappeared the night before their wedding.
Shirley suspects that he was abducted by aliens.
I also think that she has a problem with stealing things.
Like, I think she lifted your tablet.
Excuse me.
Shirley? I think you may have mistaken my tablet there for your own.
Oh.
I, um I was just checking it for transmissions of prime numbers from the vega solar system.
Well, that's very kind of you But good news I did that this morning, and, um [Whispers]: All the numbers were random.
[Gasping] Oh, my.
Oh man.
That's a five-cent jumbo 505 error-graded Jefferson.
[Gasps] My daddy gave me that, and you are the first one ever to recognize it.
[Chuckles] I used to sell stamps at the Park Hill Branch.
I mean, until Oliver said I had special gifts, and then brought me to the dead letter office.
And what do you do there? Oh.
Sorry, Arlene.
That's classified.
But tell me about your dad.
He left me his entire stamp collection when he died.
He said he hoped that when I looked at them, I would smile and think of him.
[Chuckles tenderly] And I do.
There must be some ladies in residence here who are referred to by their descendants as "gramma.
" I could post it on the bulletin board.
I'm sorry.
The privacy of every letter that passes through the U.
S.
post office is a sacred trust, and one we take very seriously.
Wait.
Did you try the piano room? - Okay, everybody.
- Take five.
[Woman stops playing] These folks are from the post office.
If you have a grandson who calls you "gramma," please raise your hand.
Well, I guess all the "grammas" are in show business.
Thank you, ladies.
I have a letter here written by a boy approximately nine years of age.
I can't share details, but do obscure references to "spoons" ring a bell with anyone? Um, cutlery of any kind? Anyone? Does anyone have a birthday anytime soon? Oh, very good, Rita.
Birthdays? Hmm? Vivian, dear.
Don't we have a birthday tomorrow? No.
Of course, you do, Vivian.
Come.
Let's talk to this nice man.
Here we go, dear.
She can remember songs and dance steps, but she can't remember much of anything else sometimes.
Do you remember everyone's birthday? It's my job.
This is Vivian Lasseter.
One of my favorite people and the star of our show, aren't we, Mrs.
Viv? Mrs.
Lasseter, first of all, Happy Birthday.
My name is Oliver O'Toole.
I believe this belongs to you.
I apologize.
It was necessary to open it in order to locate you.
Well, I'm afraid you've wasted your time.
Uh would you get me my red sweater? We look a little peaked, Mrs.
Viv.
Maybe I should stay with you? Oh, I really don't think that'll be necess You, dear.
Why don't you get it for me? Room 224, by the window.
Oh, I-I I'd be happy to.
Would you like one of us to read it to you? Why? It doesn't belong to me.
Do you recognize the handwriting? Or the picture on the back, perhaps? I bet that that is you and Owen.
- No.
I don't know anyone named Owen.
- Are you sure? Maybe you just haven't seen him for awhile? She doesn't get a lot of visitors.
Mrs.
Lasseter, if this is your grandson, we really need to know.
It's important.
Mrs.
Lasseter, I'd like to leave this with you, but if you refuse to accept delivery, we have no choice but to maintain possession.
Vivian, read the letter.
Or let me read it for you.
There might be something important in there.
No! Just go bother somebody else, young lady.
What about Sally over there? When's her birthday? I don't know.
But, Vivian, dear heart, if there's something Where is that girl with my sweater? Sorry.
Here you go.
Thank you.
Now, please, just take your letter and go away.
We're very sorry to have troubled you.
I need a nap.
Norman! Oh.
I have to go.
[Tinkling softly] [Piano music plays] [Whispers]: I wonder if your grandfather taught her that.
Oh, dear.
Told you we should've gone to lunch.
I ran away once to New York, to tread the boards and become a real hoofer! Ah.
You wanted to shoe horses? A "hoofer" is a dancer on Broadway, Norman.
I think that's lovely and very romantic.
But I thought the postal service was in your blood.
It was in my father's blood, not mine.
He never had a son, so I was the one who was carrying on the family tradition.
[Chuckles] The things we sacrifice for the people we love.
Hmm? But hey, look at me.
What did you call me? "A goddess in the postal acropolis.
" [She laughs] Did you ever get to New York? I got as far as the bus depot.
[Chuckles] And my parents caught up to me and brought me home.
But they were right.
I was too young.
But then I waited too long, and I woke up one day, and I was too old.
[Sighs quietly] So, to thine own self be true.
Right? That's what your grandfather always said.
Yes.
He loved his Shakespeare.
And you loved him.
I can tell.
Well, I wish he had lived longer so I could have known him better.
You're a good boy, Oliver.
Yeah.
So! Tell me.
Did you find your "gramma"? We think we did, but she wouldn't admit it.
I think that Owen is her grandson, and there's something that she's not saying, because I don't It just doesn't add up.
Did you notice how Mrs.
Lasseter became upset when she saw Owen's drawing on the back of the envelope? That's when she asked Donna to leave, to get her sweater.
But when I brought it back, she never put it on.
Vivian wanted Donna to leave the room.
And Donna was awfully eager to read that letter.
And Vivian made an awfully big deal about how she didn't know anybody named Owen.
Wait a second! Didn't Donna say she knew everyone's birthday? That's right! Except she didn't know Sally's.
And Vivian made sure that we heard that.
So Donna's taken a real interest in Vivian.
But why? [Clink clink] [Clink] [Gasps] Spoons! I saw them! She had windchimes in her room made out of old spoons! I bet you that's why Vivian got me to go get her sweater! And Owen was bringing more spoons "to make another one.
" What was it you said about family and how we make sacrifices for those that we love? Yes! Vivian wasn't rejecting Owen.
She was protecting him.
So, Norman, dig up anything you can about Donna.
Rita, do whatever you have to do to keep Donna away from Vivian.
We rendezvous back here in 20 minutes.
[She gasps] [Chuckles shyly] Hi! You're back.
Yeah! Well, I couldn't stop thinking about this sweet lady that I met today, and I promised that I'd come back and visit her.
Hmm.
And who would that be? Well, she had gray hair, she talks to extraterrestrials, um, and she steals things.
She reminds me of my mother.
That would be Shirley.
If you've come back to see her, or anyone else, you're gonna have to check in again at the front desk.
Oh, that's so great, except that, um, there's nobody at the front desk, so I thought that maybe I could check in with you.
[Forced chuckle] Norman! Oh! Arlene.
Hi! I, uh Was just, uh, looking for you.
[Knocking] Mrs.
Lasseter? Do you remember what Owen said? "I miss making spoons with you.
I have mine hanging on the apple tree outside.
" I bet they both made one.
We did.
The day we made those windchimes Was the last day I saw him.
[Spoons tinkling] I said they sounded like little birds saying a prayer.
And he said no matter how far apart we are, we should always leave them up So that when the wind blew, it would be as if our windchimes were saying their prayers together.
You never imagine when you get to be my age, that a nine-year-old boy could be your best friend, or that I could be his.
Mrs.
Lasseter, your grandson needs you very much.
If you trust us, we'll do everything in our power to help you.
I know you would try but you can't.
Mrs.
Lasseter Please.
Where is Owen? His name is Casey.
And, uh, I don't know where he is.
I don't know where any of them are.
Do you mean your family? Are they in trouble? They're in Witness Protection.
So Owen's Uh, Casey's father witnessed a crime, then? No.
Casey did.
He was riding his bike down an alley and stumbled onto some sort of lowlife narcotics ring just before a shooting.
And now my grandson is the star witness, and he and the family have had to hide out at some "undisclosed location" until he can testify against them at the trial next week.
Here it is.
"The trial of drug kingpin Laszlo Sarrazin begins next Monday in federal court, and" Wait, there's a picture of the guy, and Oh.
Wow.
Oliver, you might want to take a look at this.
It's a picture of Donna, only she's blonde and her name is Sylvia.
- She's suspected of drug trafficking.
- Someone made terrible Terrible threats against my Casey's life, and if that letter has anything in it that could lead them back to him or the family Oh Donna must never read that letter.
Mrs.
Lasseter, he's planning to run away tonight to surprise you for your birthday.
Oh, no.
Oh, my.
Oh No.
I should've gone with them.
When this whole thing started, they wanted me to, and I was afraid I was just going to be a burden.
[Sobbing] And now with Casey looking for me, I'm worse than a burden I'm a liability.
Mrs.
Lasseter I know how he feels.
If I could get on a bicycle and ride to my grandfather tonight, I would.
But I can't.
You are a strong and brave woman who loves her family so much, she was willing to sacrifice the rest of her days with them in order to keep them safe.
Maybe Casey didn't write that in so many words, but the words he did write Of spoons and apple trees and peanut butter pancakes, those words might as well be a sonnet by Shakespeare, because they say the very same things That you are known and loved and missed.
Casey's words Are beautiful, Vivian.
They Are gonna lead us right to him tonight If you just trust us.
But it was the only time, and it was only one camel, so, technically, it wasn't a caravan.
[Giggling] My lips are sealed! Oh, but you should never apologize for being curious, Norman.
You're so easy to talk to, Arlene.
So are you.
Oh.
This is my room.
[Exhales] And I'd like you to have these.
Oh, no.
I can't.
I couldn't! But I will come back and visit and we can look at them again.
Soon, Norman.
Come soon.
I promise.
Psst.
Norman.
Let's go.
Arlene says Donna's really rude and she wears white after labor day.
So then my mother decides to make the crop circles a little bigger for the aliens to see, but [laughs] We lived in a duplex, and the lady next door decided that she wanted to plant organic vegetables in the backyard, which, you can imagine, really changed the entire look of the The [chuckles] Ah, Rita.
There you are.
So we're all set.
Hey, whatever happened to Vivian's letter? Well, as it turns out, it wasn't Vivian's letter at all.
Which reminds me, I just saw her walking towards the kitchen.
Something about flambeeing a creme brulee? It sounds a bit risky for a lady in her condition, don't you think? It's always a pleasure.
Okay.
Anything else? No.
That's it.
I didn't bring much.
So, when Oliver gets here, we're only going to have a minute.
- You ready for this? - Absolutely.
I wish that we could walk out with you.
We can't risk running into Donna.
[Knocks] There they are.
Thank you.
Mrs.
Lasseter, are you sure about all this? Once you leave, you cannot return.
Yes.
Alright.
I don't mind trying to climb.
No.
We can't risk it.
Besides, if you fell, Casey would never forgive us.
Oh! Wait a minute.
Please.
Allow me, Ms.
McInerney.
[Tinkling] Vivian? I've been looking for you.
I thought you might have had a visitor.
No.
I was just taking a nap.
Ah.
That's right.
Well, we have rehearsal in a few minutes.
Were you going somewhere? Yes.
I just Thought I'd, uh Go out to the garden and take a walk and get some fresh air.
Well, you stay warm out there, dear, and don't take too long.
We need your beautiful voice.
[Forced chuckle] You don't think she would actually hurt a little boy, do you? I'm afraid she would.
She's gone to a lot of trouble - to find him already.
- Oh, dear lord.
Rita, any luck getting through to the marshals' office? I'm keep trying, but every time I mention spoons, they just put me on hold.
Rita, don't lead with the spoons.
Oh.
You know, you'd think the Witness Protection people would want to know about something like this.
Well, they're probably too busy out there, protecting everybody.
Wait, but if you're in Witness Protection, shouldn't you have Witness Protection? [Scoffs] Great.
So all we do is find a house three blocks away from Lenox Heights Elementary School with an apple tree, windchime made from spoons, and a 24-hour team of federal marshals surveilling the premises.
Oh! I bet that's why Owen's sneaking out at 9:00.
- They're changing shifts.
- Or they're out getting dinner.
I mean, that's what the feds were doing when they would stake out the man who lived in our garage.
Are you telling me you people really are from the post office? Oh, yes.
- Uniquely gifted postal workers.
- With a license to deliver! And a deep faith in the power of the written word.
I was hoping that was just a cover story.
Oh, no! We're the real deal.
[Gasps] Oh, no.
Casey's letter! It's gone! I had it ri Donna.
She insisted on buttoning my coat and wrapping my scarf.
Well, that was nice of her.
Alright, alright.
We will not panic.
Rita, you remember everything in Casey's letter, right? Everything's up here, except that Donna has the original, so she has everything we have.
Except Except for Norman's cousin, Wade, the real Estate Tycoon.
Yeah? Oliver, you are brilliant.
Wade.
It's Norman.
Dorman? We're cousins.
Our our mothers are sisters.
We see each other once a y Oh, yeah! That's me.
So, hey, remember that $38 you borrowed from me last Christmas? Yeah, but we could call it even if you do me a little favor.
Found one.
Alright, does everybody know what to do? Rita and I will establish a three-block radius and start looking.
Great.
Norman? Check! Aw, I gotta get my field kit.
Yes! Is this the police tip line? I have some urgent information.
Bet you're glad I brought this now, huh? You are a visionary, Norman.
Now, you're sure she never saw you? Positive.
Then, godspeed, my friend.
Yes, I will wait on hold.
- Again.
- Hurry up! We're running out of time.
Wait! Hmm? [Tinkling] Be careful.
Don't forget to call.
Got it.
And, uh, remember, the accelerator - Oliver.
- Is a little sensitive.
Go.
[Tires squealing] Sorry, ma'am.
Uh, we have a flooded gas and water leak with, um Gas and water flooding, uh, up ahead there.
So you're gonna have to take a detour.
What? I'm trying to It's for your own safety, ma'am.
Detour left, right on the first street, go down a couple of blocks.
You're gonna see a house with an apple tree and some windchimes.
Looks like they're made outta spoons or something.
Turn right, you'll be right back on track.
Apple and windchimes.
Got it.
Thanks a lot.
You're welcome.
No apple tree, no windchime This is going to take forever! We checked this block already.
I remember seeing that statue of liberty on the lawn.
We're cutting this awfully close.
It's 9:00.
Taco-time.
[Engine fires up] [Knocks] The gun.
Hello, Sylvia.
Now, I'm just looking at this, thinking, well, the gun is slightly closer to you.
On the other hand, you're in heels.
I wouldn't risk it, if I were you, especially since well Since we're expecting company.
[Sirens wailing] Stop! Put your hands over your head.
What time is it? It's 9:02.
[Sirens wailing] There he is! Casey! Sylvia Lococo, you're under arrest for trafficking in illegal substances, interfering with a federal investigation, obstruction of justice And stealing a letter to gramma.
Mail felony.
It's very serious.
[Brakes screech] Casey! - Gramma? - It's me! Gramma! Oh! Oh, I missed you.
- Me too.
Did you get my letter? - Oh, I most certainly did.
All's well that ends well, hmm? No, no.
You do not get to quote Shakespeare tonight.
Shakespeare never had to thwart a drug cartel.
Some are born great, some achieve greatness, some have greatness thrust upon 'em.
You're impossible.
[Spoons tinkling] Well, I'm their supervisor, and I can completely vouch for them, and this is our standard mail fraud complaint form.
- These are so good.
- I told ya! Secret's in the banana.
Definitely worth a trip to Fort Collins, wouldn't you say? Well, it will be a short one.
- Where're you all gonna go now? - That's a secret, Norman.
Oh! Right.
Shh [Sighs] You took a huge risk just to save a family of strangers.
Well it was the right thing to do.
Yes.
Yes, it was.
Your grandfather would be proud.
The, uh, dark-of-night award he won? I was there.
You were? I was, yes.
It was my first year in the service.
First-years always work Christmas Eve.
Now, your grandfather had lots of seniority and he could have gone home to his family, but a shipment marked "extremely fragile" came through the line.
Believe it or not, some people think that it's a good idea to ship goose eggs through the mail.
Anyway, just before Chester was about to leave Guess what happened? I don't know.
They began to hatch.
[Both start chuckling] Yes! And your grandfather stayed up all night, keeping them warm, and making little beds for them.
"No postal worker stands taller "than when he stoops to deliver to the least of these.
" Chester Stanley O'Toole was a good man.
And a gentleman.
Just like you, honey.
Thank you.
And love.
And love, and love.
Norman! You've already had six peanut butter and banana pancakes.
Besides, that belongs to someone at lendimer manor.
Oh, go ahead, Norman.
It was supposed to be a gift from the cast to Donna for directing our show.
Oh! The show Well, I can't do it now.
What am I going to do? What good is a field on a fine summer night When you sit all alone with the weeds? Or a succulent pear if, with each juicy bite, You spit out your teeth with the seeds? [Chuckling] Before it's too late stop trying to wait For fortune and fame you're secure of Have you seen Arlene? For there's one thing to be sure of Mate, there's nothing to be sure of, oh It's time to start livin' Time to take a little from this world we're given Time to take time 'Cause spring will turn to fall In just no time at all So, did Theresa tell you about your grandfather's award? As a matter of fact, she did.
And? A thrilling tale of sacrifice, grit, and midwifery.
Oh? Midwifery? Now, I've known the fears of 66 years I've had troubles and tears by the score But the only thing I'd trade them for is 67 more Oh! It's time to start livin' Time to take a little from this world we're given Time to take time 'cause spring will turn to fall In just no time at all Oh! It's time to start livin' Time to take a little from this world we're given Time to take time 'cause spring will turn to fall In just no time at all [all applauding] Just no time.
At all.
[Applauding continues]