Star vs. the Forces of Evil (2015) Episode Scripts

N/A - Goblin Dogs; By the Book

1 [" I'm from Another Dimension" by Brad Breeck plays] It's gonna get a little weird Gonna get a little wild I ain't from 'round here I'm from another dimension Gonna get a little weird Gonna have a good time I ain't from 'round here I'm from another, woo-hoo Yeh-heah I'm talking rainbows I'm talking puppies Pa, pa, pa, pa, pa, pa, pa Paaa It's gonna get a little weird Gonna get a little wild I ain't from 'round here I'm from another dimension [song ends] - Ugh, next.
- Where are you going? I thought you wanted a Goblin Dog, right? Do you see the Goblin Dog truck? This is the place.
I am positive.
But you've been saying that for the last 12 dimensions, and I'm hungry.
I'm gonna go home and make a sandwich.
I think I found it! There it is.
The Goblin Dog truck.
That line is, like, a million miles long.
It's all good.
My friend Kelly's holding us a spot.
Yo, Kelly! Oh, hey, Kelly.
[chuckles] Yo, Star, come stand by me, girl.
- Hey! - Oh, my goodness.
Be fly.
We got so much catching up to do.
Let's start doing it.
Not you, Marco.
Okay? You can stand over here and talk to Kelly.
Hey, Kelly.
Uh, have you been waiting long? That's so cute.
You guys are basically like the same person.
Yeah, but, uh, are you sure you wanna wait in this crazy line for just a hot dog? It's not just a hot dog.
It's a Goblin Dog.
Some would kill for a Goblin Dog.
Just like how I almost killed you with that ax.
Just to be clear, I'm the one who threw that ax.
I pulled myself out of the ground for a Goblin Dog.
I'm a bit tender.
Oh, please, I had a Goblin Dog just last week, and it was the bomb.
[all exclaiming] You might think this line is long [harmonica plays] But listen to my goblin song It's been hours since you ate But Goblin Dogs are worth the wait - What is happening? - With Ms.
Heinous gone, St.
O's is like a total party school now.
Did you guys see that little man playing the music? [laughs] Marco, you're ignoring Kelly.
- Rude.
- Oh, sorry.
Did you see that little man playing music? Okay.
I gotta have a tall man, you know, 'cause I like to float like, five feet off the ground, so it's like, I'm 4'6", but with six-inch heels, you know what I'm saying? Ugh.
I mean, sometimes it feels like they're the kids and I'm the parent, you know? Whoa! You got another one of those? I'm starving.
You gotta be kidding me.
- What the - All right, kiddies.
You're just moments away from maximum mouth-ertainment.
So stay cool in a hot Goblin Dog T-shirt.
- Hey - Me, me! In my mouth.
I want it in my mou - Excuse me.
- Hi.
- You work here? - Yes.
We've been waiting forever.
- How do we get a Goblin Dog? - You You wait in line.
And can you tell me how to get in that short line over there? Oh, that's the VIP line.
It's my boss' idea.
How do we get to the VIP line? Well, it's pretty exclusive, but I could s-n-e-a-k you guys in.
Oh, you know what? I'm gonna go with no, thank you.
What?! He just offered to sneak us in.
Oh, what? I thought he spelled something out.
- That's my bad.
- Welcome to the VIP line! Okay.
Who's ready to buy some Goblin Dog products? That's okay.
We just want the hot dog.
You're in the VIP line.
That stands for Buy the products, stay in the line, - get the dogs.
- I don't have any money.
Oh, I think I got some.
Check in my back pocket, girl.
Oh, uh-uh.
No, I think that's my keys.
Oh oh oh, I found it.
Uh, 27 cents and two pistachio shells.
- I got some cash.
- Marco, how much money is that? - Like 650 bucks.
- Yep, that'll do it.
This will get you the executive package.
Man, this Goblin Dog stuff is ridiculous.
Yeah, you dropped a ton of cash on all this swag.
- No, I got us into the right line.
- Oh, my gosh.
We're next! Four Goblin Dogs, please.
Oh, you have to wait in that line now.
- How many lines are there?! - Oh, it's all one line.
There's just a lot of them, so after that line, you'll go to that line.
Then that line, then that line, then that line, then that line, then it hooks back like a dog's leg, then you gotta take a number.
Ya know, from a little number ticket pulley thingy.
Okay, I'd like to speak to the manager, please.
Certainly, sir.
- Yes? - What's the deal, man? We waited six hours and bought all your stuff.
I'm sorry, sir.
Did you say you've been - waiting for six hours? - Yes.
Well, some of these folks have been waiting years.
ALL: Years?! Years!! So what did my manager say? ALL: You're the manager! Oh.
You know what? Forget this, okay? - I'm not waiting years just to try a Goblin Dog.
- What? Ponyhead, I thought you said you had a Goblin Dog before.
Well, as it were, uh Have you had a Goblin Dog or not, Ponyhead? Uh, I don't know.
Who can tell? Like maybe not.
- I'm done.
- Oh Marco, come on.
Ponyhead didn't mean bad.
She's just a liar.
[angry muttering] Wait.
Wait, wait, wait.
Wait? That's all we've been doing.
I'm sweaty, I'm hungry, and on top of everything, you lied about Goblin Dogs.
Look, Marco, I mean, all of these people have lied.
She's right.
I lied, too.
I'm not the one who threw this ax at you.
My name's Stan.
ALL: Hi, Stan.
I'm also a liar.
I told my wife this was a mink coat.
It's just my body.
My glasses are fake.
Ooh, it feels good to let that out.
These aren't my teeth.
Look, we've all lied, and lying is not cool.
But there's only one person here who has lied to all of us.
ALL: Yeah! No.
No, no, no.
That guy.
Oh, yeah.
He did lie to all of us! Get him! [all yelling] You're gonna lose your place in line.
[music, grunts] - Ow.
- Look out, Marco.
Oh, no! - Yeah! - All right, Ponyhead.
He's getting away.
- We lost him.
- Oh, no, we certainly did not.
- Grab on, turd.
- I'm not sure I like you calling [screams] Summoning cloudy charm! [music] Magnificence marshmallow mush! [groans] Okay, Roy, now get out the Goblin Dogs.
Okay, you got me, severed horse head.
- Goblin Dogs aren't real.
- What?! It's a ruse.
I took you for everything.
Come on, you guys.
Let's just go.
Look, kids, you can have your money back.
You know what? - Keep it.
- Uh, Marco, that was 650 bucks.
Well, now, every time he sees my $650, he'll remember the three kids whose dreams he wrecked.
No, I'll just spend the money.
He's right, Marco.
We'll take the money, okay, thanks.
No, Star, we're going home.
[giggling] [maniacal laughter] What the Star.
[laughter continues] - You've done it.
- Ready when you are, Star.
You earned the Goblin Dog.
What are you talking about? Goblin Dogs are real.
I had one before.
- Kelly? - Oh, we thought you died.
- What? No, we didn't.
- Oh, okay, well, I'm sorry.
I thought she did die, so excuse me.
You've had a Goblin Dog? - Got it from Roy.
- So Goblin Dogs are real? They are.
- This was all some kind of trick.
- Not a trick! A Goblin Dog must choose its master through trial, and today, the Goblin Dog chooses you.
ALL: Wow! Behold! [music] Oh, my gosh! [all exclaiming] Those aren't Goblin Dogs.
[whirring] [beeps] These are Goblin Dogs.
Oh, yeah! Here, Pony.
Bon apétit.
This tastes like a normal hot dog.
It's basic but it's good.
I guess I was expecting [gasps] [music] Goblin Dogs! - That was amazing! - I gotta give it to you, Ponyhead.
Those hot dogs were pretty good.
Oh, well, you know, the best for my besties, and whatever, all that kind of stuff.
But, you guys, on the real, I am so done with this place.
- I'm ready to hoof it.
- Oh, no, you can't say that.
[groans] Roy makes me go through this every time.
Why are those Goblin Dogs so good? Hey, Kelly, it's been really great talking to you.
Yeah, man, it was really cool hangin' out with you, too.
- What?! - Oh, hey, I'm Tad.
- I'm Kelly's boyfriend.
- You've been there this whole time? Yeah, I don't really eat hot dogs.
I'm a vegan and stuff.
But, you know, I like to hang out.
[loud rumbling] [Ludo screaming] [thud] [groaning] I-I don't even understand, girls.
This thing is impossible to control [screaming] Why won't you work?! Hm? Huh? You can talk? Tell me your secrets.
Star Butterfly? But I don't want to see Star Butterfly.
She doesn't have a wand anymore.
Oh, you're right.
She doesn't need a wand for me to steal her wisdom.
Girls, pack your things.
It's time to catch a butterfly! [groaning] I'm not good at these new spells.
Why can't I just stick with a normal blast? Because there are other spells in your book.
- Yeah, but - Oh oh, Star.
This one's got pictures.
Can we do it? That's got a lot of steps.
Star, can you just do the spell, please? This book is so heavy.
Ugh! All right.
[groaning] - What do I gotta do? - Start with the first one.
Mmm, close enough.
I guess.
Now how about this one? Mmm.
Okay, see, to me, it looks like you're gonna wanna get both arms up, like way up together.
- Up and out, Star.
Look at me.
- Huh? All the way up.
Pointing at 11:00.
Earth 11:00 or Mewni 11:00? They're the same, Star.
Ugh, this is impossible.
Look, I know how to cast a spell, okay? Twirl, twirl, twirl, helicopter arms, helicopter arms.
Warnicorn stampede! [neighs] See, I did it.
But, Star, that's a single warnicorn.
A stampede is many warnicorns.
[laughs] I think somebody needs to get back to studying her spell book.
- Help.
- You know what, Glossaryck? I'm done with the book for today.
Come on, Marco.
Let's go have fun with our friends.
I thought we were friends.
What? Oh, no, no, no, no! That's not what I meant.
We're friends.
I just don't have fun with you.
But that is so fine, 'cause it's not like you like having fun, right? Obviously.
It's like you're alone all the time.
Lonely people can be cool, like you.
You're like a wise old hermit.
Or-or like a wise old monk.
Or or a well, like, I don't really know what you are Wow.
Say no more.
- I know when I'm not wanted.
- No, no, no.
I won't be bothering you ever again.
Oh, my gosh.
I am so sorry, Glossaryck.
- Of course you're our friend.
- Uh, is he though? All this guy has ever done for us is hand out weird riddles and eat pudding.
[gasps] Don't you talk like that about our friend, Marco.
- We have to make it up to him.
- All right.
Look, my Uncle Enrique hid in a box for three days once.
I know how to handle this.
We can never be together, Isobel.
[music] We're from two different worlds.
[screeching] Society will never accept us! See? Isn't this fun? Just three good friends watching a movie together.
'Cause that's what good friends do.
Marco, please tell Star we are not talking.
Star, Glossaryck said he's still not talking.
Glossaryck, can you be nice and pass this popcorn-candy mix to Star? Hm, let me think.
- No, but I will have these.
- Hey! Oh, Boom Nuggets.
I know where you're going.
[grumbles] Hey hey, no big deal.
- I'll just make us some more snacks.
- No, wait! - Cotton candy cloud! - Oh.
That worked out better than You know, it might not kill you to study a bit more.
Don't you start, too, Marco.
Glossaryck, you'll miss the whole movie if you stay in there.
I thought you liked romantic comedies.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I've seen this one before.
And the squid lady dies in the end.
[all groaning] [screeching] [gasps] I can't hold her back much longer.
Glossaryck, help me.
Marco, could you do me a favor and tell Star she should ask one of her Earth friends to help out? [burps] You can stop, Marco.
He called our bluff.
[screeches] - Stop, Marco.
- Oh, sorry.
This is the most disgusting dumpster in town.
The smell will get him out of the box.
All right.
We're getting Glossaryck back.
[clap] [beeping] What? Glossaryck! What the Ludo?! You're back? - [gasps] Ludo's back! - Yes, I am.
I tossed you into the abyss.
- She tossed you into the abyss.
- Yes, you did.
- What? - Huh? - BOTH: You have a wand? - You both have wands.
Okay, seriously, Marco, that's getting annoying.
Actually, he's right.
Star Butterfly, you're coming with me! [music] Rainbow fist punch! What? Ha ha! That's your rainbow punch? Heart attack! This is the worst wand fight I've ever seen.
Oh, no, I don't have time for this.
Hey, we aren't done.
Come back here.
Seriously? [car alarm blares] [gasps] Nice.
Star, the lid.
It isn't holding.
Glossaryck! - Oh, no! Glossaryck! - No! [music] Now, Princess, I give you a choice.
Come with me or die.
Warnicorn stampede! [neighs] Fine.
Have it your way.
It's going to be pretty hard to miss from here.
Star! Om! Glossaryck? [whistles] [music] What? A book.
Now, read.
Warnicorn stampede! What is that?! [gasps] - Oh.
- You did it! - That was so cool! - Yeah, it was! And all I had to do was read from the book.
Well, my work here is done.
I'm sorry we hurt your feelings.
Oh, you didn't hurt my feelings.
I have no feelings.
It was all part of the plan.
What do you mean, "part of the plan?" Yeah, why'd you lock yourself in the donut box then? I went into that box on purpose, because I needed to get to that candy.
Oh Wait, why? Well, how would you rocket yourself from a trash compactor? W-What? I don't know.
Marco, Marco, I had to be in that donut box, so I could land at Ludo's feet to trip him up and save the day.
Wait, wait.
So you're saying you did all that on - Boom Nuggets.
[laughs] - [sighs] Fine.
[maniacal laughter] Guess what.
There's a book.
[music] I think Earth is a pretty great place That's saying something 'Cause I've been through outer space I think it suits me It's just my style I think I'm gonna stay a little while I think that strangers are just friends you haven't met I'm blasting monsters and I never break a sweat I'm really thinking I could call this place home