The Aliens (2016) s01e02 Episode Script
Episode 2
1 Here to tell us all about the important work of Border Control is Lewis, who works here as a border guard, don't you, Lewis? Certainly do.
Moron! Imagine if YOU could come to Troy.
That's Fabien.
He's in charge of, like, everything.
You'll feel better if you just said it.
- Just say, "I'm gay.
" - I'm half-alien.
I'm not gay.
Neither am I.
There's something about her.
She's somehow my destiny, or my destiny's tied up with her.
Ivan and me have been selling some fur on the side.
Are you just going to let them take me, are you? You're a coward, Ivan! She put us in the pit so we wouldn't get killed.
She saved our lives.
What a woman! 'I saved you so that I can use you.
' Now, if you want to keep this half-alien thing a secret, you should listen up.
From now on, you work for me.
It needs to win, Hercule, and it's time-sensitive.
Time-sensitive? What's he done, anyway? I don't like bullies, do you know what I mean? And this bloke, he's a proper nasty bastard -- smacks her about, has her doing all sorts.
Like sex things? Makes her go on cam sites, like.
Keeps all the money to himself.
So is she quite fit, then? Look, I just told you, she's a cam girl.
She's going to be fit in that line of work.
- Where'd you meet her? - She just came up to me in the street.
Told me I had a unique essence.
A model-quality girl came up to you in the street and said you had a unique essence? Yeah.
Well, don't start planting shit in my head now, Hercule, - all right? - I didn't say anything! I didn't! This is a big deal for me! I really like this girl.
Look, I didn't say a word.
Did I say anything? I didn't! And when you meet her, be nice, yeah? She's vulnerable.
What, like learning difficulties? Yes! Did you see his face? It was, bang! Whoa! Yeah.
Is she model quality enough for you? What do you think of that, then? Thank you.
I'm looking at the bullets going in, right? And I don't feel one bit bad, not after the things he did to you.
I would never mistreat you.
Oh, Daniel! I I just feel so safe around you, you know? You're just You're so solid.
You should have kept that hand they chopped off, Guy.
Would have made me a nice back-scratcher.
Look at him.
Fucking Paralympics! Hey, that's that's Fabien.
We could go and tell him what you did.
He'd love that.
Yeah.
No, you don't just go up to Fabien and start a conversation, like.
What I'll do is I'll send word up the line.
I thought you knew him.
I do know him.
I'm just not 100% inner circle yet, that's all.
Come back to mine? All right, Patrice? It's Daniel.
How's it going? I'll get those.
Let me get those.
Cheers.
It's no problem at all, mate.
It's Daniel, by the way.
Yeah, you said that already.
We should see other people.
- Huh.
- Patrice, yeah? Na-na-na-na! Na-na-na! Na-na! Na-na-na-na! Na-na-na! Na-na! Na-na-na-na! Na-na-na! Na-na! Na-na-na-na! Na-na-na! Na-na! Plug me in and turn me on Listen here cos here it comes I got hot licks on your guitar strings Riffs and rhythms and guitar things Turn me on and turn me up and turn me loose I am alive and amplified Turn me on and turn me up and turn me loose I am alive and amplified Turn me on and turn me up and turn me loose I am alive and amplified Turn me on and turn me up and turn me loose I am alive Na-na-na! Na-na-na! Na-na! Na-na-na! Na-na-na! Na-na! Na-na-na! Na-na-na! Na-na! Na-na-na! Na-na-na! Na-na! Na-na-na-na! Na-na-na! Na-na! What? I'm not your maid! Holly, why isn't he at school? It's Saturday, dummy! No, it's not.
Ely, you little shit! You told me it was Saturday.
So this is the plan, is it? Just sit around all day on drugs? - Where's Dad? - Drugs? Define "drugs".
Illegal stimulant or depressant substances with possible addictive properties.
Oh.
Define "on"! - Look, if you're planning on staying here long-term - I am, yeah.
Very long.
.
.
we're going to have to figure out some sort of rota.
Where's Dad? Sorry, a couple of hours ago, I was nearly buried alive by psycho morks.
Do you want to maybe give me five minutes while I try and deal with what's potentially a case of post-traumatic stress disorder? I said to you that needs to stay 100% under the radar.
If it got out I was there, bad things would happen, yeah? I know, yeah.
Dad? Dad? Right, you said you'd keep an eye on him, didn't you? Where the hell is he? I haven't got time for this, Holly! I need to go to work.
Me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me! Do you know what? I like you! - Original gangster! - I am.
That's me! Lewis! Lewis! Right, come on then, Dad.
- Oi! We're having a conversation! Where you going? - Hey! Ohh Sorry, just needed to get out of the house for a while.
Got claustrophobic.
I'm not saying anything against your sister.
She's a terrific girl, you know? Big personality on her, you know? - A force of nature.
- She's a drug addict, Dad! Something has to be done.
Some tough love, major intervention, something.
- I don't think she'd like that.
- What she'd like is more drugs.
You are her dad, you know? Why can't you be one? I'm sick of this.
- Where's your tag? - Come on, spray them! - Push! - Move along! With that, too! Move along! Next! - Oh, my God! - Get away! Yeah, I know, I know.
Super discrete.
You know, you being in Troy, half-alien What did you get? - Aliens, characteristics-wise? - Shut up! It's a fascinating subject.
Getting a buzz off dishwasher tablets -- yes.
Being affected by dog whistles -- yes.
Penis size -- er Do you smoke your own hair? Penis what do you mean penis size? No, it's great, it's great! It's a good handsome penis, but it's just more humanly proportioned.
You're better off.
It's a lot of upkeep.
Last night -- life-defining adventure.
- I'm bruised! I have bruises! - Yeah.
Look at these! If this was an airport, we'd definitely have to put these bags in the hold.
We would never be at an airport, would we? Well, I didn't think we would be sharing a grave together, but, you know Eurostar, then? Not as a couple, you know.
Not like a couple on a romantic weekend.
I'm working now, Dominic.
I meant more guys on, like, an extreme sports holiday.
You know, like Like a Pepsi Max gang, but a smaller version.
Like a two-man gang.
I need to see you.
Come to Troy.
No.
Next! No? Is that a camera? Is that - Test Lewis Garvey's DNA.
- Sh! Please! Sh! - Test Lewis Garvey's DN - Please, please! Shush, shush! Lilyhot, please, please! Can't we just call it quits? I don't work for you.
I'd be terrible at it.
Meet me at ten o'clock tomorrow morning.
No! Maybe you can do drug dealing and killing people on flexitime but I have a job.
I know who your real father is, Lewis.
Ring in sick.
Thank you.
Daddy's home! Dad, yeah, Daddy comes strolling in, it's "Daddy's home.
" I'm here all day, I get "Mummy's mean".
Has she been mean? Mum a big meany? Yeah.
Don't you dare get him worked up.
There he is.
You ready? Five, OK? - Yeah.
- Huh? - Yeah.
Good lad.
One Two Three.
What were we not going to do, mate? Flinch.
Fucking flinch.
Three.
Sorry.
Four.
Five.
Well done.
That's good.
Four out of five.
It hurts.
It hurts like a bastard, I know that.
It's fine to cry.
Pain's pain.
You don't ever flinch.
And why's that? So they don't see fear.
They'll use fear against you, won't they? If there was one gift I could give to you, it's the gift of not being afraid of no twat.
That's my wish for you.
- What are we? - Warriors.
Warriors for life You flinched.
Don't flinch.
Hiya.
Argh! Taxi for Mr Garvey.
You scared the shit out of me.
It's all part of the service.
Why are you talking funny? I swallowed some bleach.
Half a glass is fine, you know -- just a bit of violent vomiting, mild tracheal damage.
It's a guaranteed way to get off work early, I guess.
I knew.
You know.
What? The day after that girl comes in, you're suddenly off sick? That's supposed to be some sort of coincidence, is it? No, you know.
No.
Coming into Troy on your own is risky enough, but to meet her? No.
Sorry.
- I didn't come here to see her.
- You did.
You did so.
- No, I really didn't, I - You did.
Glad you came.
Why is he here? - We're a team.
Deal with it.
- No, we're not a team, actually.
- We are a team.
- Right, shall we talk teams later? This is important.
I don't know what you see in her.
I look at her and all I think about is sexually transmitted disease.
They say we came here on a convict ship.
Prove it.
If there's one scrap of evidence, let them produce it.
But they can't, because it's lies.
Wait a minute.
You got me here, right, so tell me how you'd even know about my father.
My uncle knew him.
Yeah, there were rumours about him having a human girlfriend.
And crazier rumours about a kid.
You.
Look around you.
What do you see? Do you see any schools, any factories? No.
No, I have to hand it to them, it's fucking rubbish.
Er, sorry, excuse me, how has this got anything to do with his dad? Why do you think it's like this, Lewis? I don't know.
Bad parenting? - What's the matter with you? - What? It's exploitation.
- Ah, right, here we go.
- Look at you.
These are your people, Lewis.
No, they're not, they're half my people at most.
Anyway, you can talk.
You killed your friends.
I had to wash bits of their brains out of my hair.
Your father is in prison, on the human side.
Of course he is.
Just when you think you couldn't get any prouder(!) He's a great man, OK.
He was a leader and an organiser.
- That's why they got rid of him.
- What's his name? Antoine Berry.
Oh! "Alleged alien hit man and notorious drug lord" What do you think they are going to do, put the truth? Fabien's the real gangster.
Is he in prison? No.
Why? Because he keeps Troy exactly how the humans want it -- fucked up and afraid.
You and me, we can change that.
Antoine is the only one capable of taking Fabien on.
So I need you to help me break him out of prison and get him back to Troy.
Are you out of I am a border control officer.
That is a law enforcement position.
Breaking convicted criminals out of prison would be frowned upon.
I'm working my way into Fabien's gang.
And when I'm in, I will make sure Antoine always stays one move ahead.
- No.
Not happening.
- Oi, Lily! This is him with your mother.
I want you to look at it.
I'm not even going to open that.
Oi, Lils Lils, why've you got two faggots with you? - Right, who is that? - It's Patrice.
Don't worry, he's just someone I'm using.
He's an idiot.
I wonder which part of him she's using.
Boss.
Can I show you something? Mm-hm.
See, no-one else sees it.
Not sure I see it.
It's recognition.
Same when he saw her at the barrier.
Two of them, eyes locked.
I was right there.
He knows her.
And this has nothing to do with him tasering you? Nothing.
Chief when have I been wrong, ever? Keep an eye on him.
Bring me something that's not a blur.
I love it.
I know you do.
You ready? Because I go for hours.
Bam, bam, bam.
Yeah.
All night, rolling orgasms, out-of-body experiences, the works.
When are we going to see Fabien? You'll be looking down at us from the ceiling, and you'll be thinking, "That bloke is good at sex.
" - I can tell.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
The feelings I have when I'm with you.
- You have no idea.
- Oh, yeah, let's do it.
Yeah, let's do it.
Let's do it After we see Fabien.
Right, boys, keep this clean.
Fifty on Taco.
Go on, hit him! Don't draw attention to yourself in there, all right.
He's funny around new people.
- Follow my lead.
- OK.
- You know what I call a woman's vagina? - Tell me.
I call it a Happy Meal.
- No, a Happy Meal, cos I - No, no, no, I get it.
Go on, hit him! Excuse me.
She was there when the fur house got robbed.
She was with the prick who did this to me.
You are fucked.
I know you! - Fab, she's one of them.
- One of who? One of the fucking what-do-you-call-'ems - Silence Crew.
- What? Silent screw? This is the first I'm hearing about any of this, Fabien.
Only there ain't no such thing as Silence Crew any more.
- I had them taken out.
They were slowing me down.
- Guy! Uh What you say your name was, darling? 'All Aliens must return to designated Alien Zone by curfew.
' 'I want to meet him.
' - 'Good.
' - I'm not a criminal.
- I know that.
- I'll help.
But I'm not pointing guns at anyone, I'm not threatening people.
Fine.
But that means we're a man short, so you need to recruit someone.
Someone who'll do exactly what you say and not ask any questions.
Do you know anyone like that? 'Lewis 'Lewis?' Look You're doing the right thing.
'Holly?' You had better not be thinking of poaching my client base, Ivan.
Wait, who's that I can hear in the background? Oh, you dick.
You play with that and I'll be back in a minute.
All right? Do you want to shake on 350 then? Do not shake that hand.
You better cease and desist moving in on my business.
I'm in the middle of a deal here.
Apologies for this Paul.
Holly, leave now.
Did you hear that? That was his scary voice.
Holly! 'Paul' is it? Paul, working with this man is inviting persistent and chronic ball-ache into your life, believe me.
Holly, where's Eli? Do you mind? Trying to negotiate a price here.
Oi! What kind of mother brings her kid along on a buy? A working mother, a juggling tasks, "How does she do it?" mother.
He's in an entirely separate room.
Do not disparage me, Ivan.
I'm an incredible mum.
Just cos I'm not all, "Wear a safety helmet" "avoid danger.
" You can have the business.
I get Eli.
Nice try.
I see where you're going, pre-empting the family court adjudication and everything, but Eli's never going to go for it.
We're best mates me and him.
You're a junky.
You're in no fit state.
You brought this on yourself.
Eli, buddy Daddy would like to subject you to a tug of love scenario.
- I never said that.
- He thinks that would be appropriate.
It's about where you want to live, mate -- where you feel safe.
Yeah, whatever.
Eli, just come to the one you love.
Oh! Paul! Paul.
Paul, sorry about that.
Part-timers -- they just think this business is all about padding out the housekeeping money till the end of the week.
Do you know what I mean? Look, there's 300 there.
I'm unencumbered.
I'm sales targets, graphs everywhere, pal.
It's Me PLC.
Hey, Patrice.
Come here for a minute.
Have you ever seen the film Colour Of Money? Paul Newman, Tom Cruise? - I said Paul Newman.
- You said Steve McQueen, you liar.
- I said Paul Newman.
- Fucking Colour Of Money anyway.
Tom Cruise comes along and Paul Newman's all, "I'll take you under my wing, "show you the ropes.
" And Tom Cruise is fine for a bit but then he gets cocky.
"No-one's telling me shit.
I'm fucking Tom Cruise.
" He's going to go his own way.
"See me play pool? "Why would I do what Paul Newman says?" He's got it all worked out.
What he doesn't know is .
.
he's a fucking idiot.
He's a twat.
Have you been dealing my fur on the side, Patrice? What? No, never.
I swear to you, Fab, I would never do that.
F for me.
No, no, no way.
I never even knew that was there.
Someone planted that.
It's a set up, Fabien.
Do you know what happens at the end of The Colour Of Money, Patrice? Paul Newman pokes Tom Cruise's eye out with a pool cue.
At least I think that's what happens.
I fell asleep before the end.
- Is it my shot? - No, it's my shot, you cheeky twat.
This will get you in.
Does this mean there's a real lawyer dead in a ditch somewhere? - Tell me the truth.
- I wouldn't do that.
Everyone knows dead bodies go in the canal.
- It's a joke.
- Oh, I see.
Let me see.
Mmm, Nice.
Convincing? Yeah.
And the suit.
It's very nice.
You'll be fine.
Yeah.
Look at the state of you.
You look even less like a lawyer than the last one.
I'm, I'm not a lawyer.
I just said I was a lawyer so I could get to see you.
Who are you then? Listen, Fuckface Can I call you Fuckface? You go back to wherever it is you came from Oi! Get down! I'm warning you! I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
What can I say? Secret admirer.
That fucker.
I'm asymmetric.
I know a way to get him back.
This is by far the most intense thing I've ever done.
- Feel my heart beat.
- No.
You must be having a seizures Breaking your real dad out of prison, it's not every day, is it? I should've gone before we left.
Hey Hi, do I have time to go to the toilet, please? Request immediate medical response, prisoner en route to ambulance.
How come you gets to sit in the car while we take all the risks? Because those are the terms of my involvement.
Yes, plus he's going through a lot of emotional upheaval at the moment, he's got a lot of family stuff to deal with.
What? I'm not, I'm just Antoine needs to be in Troy before Fabien hears he's out of prison, so no hold-ups.
Remember, I don't want any violence.
No, neither do I.
No bullets.
Be careful.
Yeah, you too.
Er, just so I'm clear on this, this is about getting your father back, right? This isn't about her, is it? Get ready.
30 seconds.
There it is.
Out! Out! Out! Go! Go! Live life to the max.
Open up! I will kill him, and I will not blink.
Go on.
OK, OK.
Anybody moves, shoot them.
Got it? Shit, shit, shit.
You shot me! You said, "Anybody move, shoot them.
" He was right in my peripheral vision.
Shit, shit.
Oh, God! Put it down.
I won't tell you again, put it down.
No.
Put it down on the ground and get your hands in the air now.
You know it ain't going to happen, mate.
Look, I'm pressed for time here but you can still decide how this ends.
- I'm so sorry.
- You idiot.
You said there wouldn't be any violence.
No, I said I didn't want any violence.
You were going to shoot that guard.
She was going to shoot him.
- Those were not unloaded guns.
- I think this is bad, I think this Don't worry, they'll patch you up real good.
- They can do amazing things these days.
- Stop here a sec.
Lily, what the Argh! What did you do that for? Go.
You people! This is it.
We get him across the border and then I'm done with all of you.
Go faster.
Dad, I can't over-emphasise how in the middle of something I am.
- Turn around.
- Whatever it is, we don't have time.
Keep driving.
Turn around! She's not answering! Jesus Christ, Holly.
What have you done? I'm working up to it.
Fuck's sake.
Oi, it was a cry for help, you dick.
I can't cry for help if I'm dead, can I? It's all over the news.
Fabien'll have people on the tunnel.
If we take him through that way he's a dead man.
Curfew's in 20 minutes.
I told you there was no time.
Yeah, but she's my sister.
What am I supposed to do with him? Hide him.
"Hide him.
" I'll do that then.
Now, when I was a little boy At the age of five I had something in my pocket Keep a lot of folks alive Now I'm a man I'm age 21 You know, baby We can have a lot of fun Have you finished in there, then? Should I turn the light off? - Yes, please.
- On or off? - Off.
- Eh? What's that? What you reaching for? What you reaching for? Sausage rolls.
Right, I want to know who the fuck you are.
Somebody comes out of nowhere, fucking springs me out of Azkaban.
And I'm not going for the whole mystery benefactor bollocks.
So who are you? I'm your son.
What? Lewis? Lewis, that's right -- the half-alien one.
Lewis.
Jesus Christ.
How's it going? Seriously? No.
That, that was completely the wrong thing to say.
I'm sorry.
- Look, you've got a bit of - Get off.
You've got a bit of blood OK, you're angry with me.
- I'm not anything with you.
- It's OK, I would be too.
You've got to understand, - we didn't think she could get pregnant.
- I'm indifferent.
We were told it was impossible.
But, you see when she told me you should have seen the look on my face.
I couldn't stop smiling.
- Lewis! - I don't want to know this.
This big, permanent grin all over my face.
It was like tetanus or something.
Off or on? I swear to you.
We were going to make a go of it.
We had everything sorted.
We were young, people didn't think it would work, but we told them, "We are going to make this work.
" - Lewis! - For Christ's sake, Dad, what?! Did you say on or off? I said off.
I couldn't hear you.
We were going to make it work, I swear to you.
We were ready to go.
Then all at once, the wall comes up .
.
and they put me away in prison.
I promise you, Lewis, I never meant to leave you.
I don't like your story and I don't want to be in it.
I know.
- I don't like Morks.
- It's OK.
It'll be OK.
Don't you touch me.
Fucking Mork.
You'll remember tonight.
First time you see your dad swing into action.
- What do I say to you, what are people? - Dogs.
They're wild dogs -- first sign of weakness, you're inviting attack.
That's why the no flinching, yeah? You come out teeth bared.
Watch and learn.
I'm in this game 16 years, you think I'm going to shy away from this? Let's not get people stirred up.
This is routine.
This bloke scares me not one iota.
Situation needs dealing with, we deal with it.
Turn it off! £10,000! Who wants it? Kill Antoine Berry for us.
Doesn't matter to me if you get him in here, on the human side, in the tunnel get out there, find him, have him.
Whoever does it takes this home.
'Police and custom officers are on high alert this morning 'as Alien crime boss Antoine Berry remains at large' 'Hey.
' What? Hi? 'You need to come and get him.
' I can't, I have to be here.
There's a limit to how long he can live in my wardrobe.
Look, there's only one person that can get him into Troy alive.
You're in the perfect spot.
'No.
' No! That is my place of work.
Look, you're better at this than you think.
You just need nerves of steel.
And a distraction.
'It was supposed to be get him out, get him to the tunnel, that was it.
' You just keep on chipping away.
Maybe I want to see what's inside.
What sort of distraction? I'll call you back.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Good man.
'All Aliens must return to the designated Alien Zone by curfew.
' Stay calm, right.
It's really important that you don't start thinking, "This is insane.
"Why am I trusting someone who has consistently lied to me? "I am almost definitely walking into a trap.
" If you start thinking like that, it's going to show on your face, people are going to notice.
Like that! Stop doing that! OK? Good Luck.
Lily was tearful, man.
She admitted to me she'd made a mistake.
A lot of couples go through a bump in the road before realising Yeah? So why is it you and me here, then, and not you and her? I said to you, some people, they're just not up to it.
She's quite timid.
- Chief.
- 'Garvey?' Silver Golf, two males, mid-20s, queuing Troy side.
Does it seem odd to you? Two hours until curfew.
They can't be heading to a shift.
- 'Look, man, can I just fucking say this, right? - Yeah.
' What if you've antiquated attitudes and those attitudes are allowing her to take advantage of us and sort of - get us into stupid situations - Get out of the car! All available bodies, here now.
Get out of the car! Get out, get out! Get down, get down! - Let's swap.
- Yeah.
Get down! Agh! Next.
- Oh, I'm sorry, it was him! - We haven't done anything! - He said he would beat me up I'm sorry.
- Mate! You shut up! - All right to head off, Chief? - Go.
Good job today.
Good instincts.
Thank you.
And, Truss the, er Garvey thing we talked about? Forget it.
(Hello?) That was beautiful.
Yeah.
The planning, the execution.
Did you think it up yourself? - Bits of it I did, yeah.
- Very impressive.
- Is that him? - It's Antoine.
- Antoine.
- People know you.
Yeah, they never forget a face round here.
Oi, it's Antoine.
One minute, mate.
- Is it done? - Is it done? No, it's not.
All right, Fabien? You know, there is going to be a war.
You just don't see it yet.
Step away from the border before I take punitive action.
Come and see me.
Huh? Anything that may endanger my recovery, lock it away or lose it.
There's this girl we both know.
She says you'll do whatever I tell you to? - Are you ready? - Ready.
Moron! Imagine if YOU could come to Troy.
That's Fabien.
He's in charge of, like, everything.
You'll feel better if you just said it.
- Just say, "I'm gay.
" - I'm half-alien.
I'm not gay.
Neither am I.
There's something about her.
She's somehow my destiny, or my destiny's tied up with her.
Ivan and me have been selling some fur on the side.
Are you just going to let them take me, are you? You're a coward, Ivan! She put us in the pit so we wouldn't get killed.
She saved our lives.
What a woman! 'I saved you so that I can use you.
' Now, if you want to keep this half-alien thing a secret, you should listen up.
From now on, you work for me.
It needs to win, Hercule, and it's time-sensitive.
Time-sensitive? What's he done, anyway? I don't like bullies, do you know what I mean? And this bloke, he's a proper nasty bastard -- smacks her about, has her doing all sorts.
Like sex things? Makes her go on cam sites, like.
Keeps all the money to himself.
So is she quite fit, then? Look, I just told you, she's a cam girl.
She's going to be fit in that line of work.
- Where'd you meet her? - She just came up to me in the street.
Told me I had a unique essence.
A model-quality girl came up to you in the street and said you had a unique essence? Yeah.
Well, don't start planting shit in my head now, Hercule, - all right? - I didn't say anything! I didn't! This is a big deal for me! I really like this girl.
Look, I didn't say a word.
Did I say anything? I didn't! And when you meet her, be nice, yeah? She's vulnerable.
What, like learning difficulties? Yes! Did you see his face? It was, bang! Whoa! Yeah.
Is she model quality enough for you? What do you think of that, then? Thank you.
I'm looking at the bullets going in, right? And I don't feel one bit bad, not after the things he did to you.
I would never mistreat you.
Oh, Daniel! I I just feel so safe around you, you know? You're just You're so solid.
You should have kept that hand they chopped off, Guy.
Would have made me a nice back-scratcher.
Look at him.
Fucking Paralympics! Hey, that's that's Fabien.
We could go and tell him what you did.
He'd love that.
Yeah.
No, you don't just go up to Fabien and start a conversation, like.
What I'll do is I'll send word up the line.
I thought you knew him.
I do know him.
I'm just not 100% inner circle yet, that's all.
Come back to mine? All right, Patrice? It's Daniel.
How's it going? I'll get those.
Let me get those.
Cheers.
It's no problem at all, mate.
It's Daniel, by the way.
Yeah, you said that already.
We should see other people.
- Huh.
- Patrice, yeah? Na-na-na-na! Na-na-na! Na-na! Na-na-na-na! Na-na-na! Na-na! Na-na-na-na! Na-na-na! Na-na! Na-na-na-na! Na-na-na! Na-na! Plug me in and turn me on Listen here cos here it comes I got hot licks on your guitar strings Riffs and rhythms and guitar things Turn me on and turn me up and turn me loose I am alive and amplified Turn me on and turn me up and turn me loose I am alive and amplified Turn me on and turn me up and turn me loose I am alive and amplified Turn me on and turn me up and turn me loose I am alive Na-na-na! Na-na-na! Na-na! Na-na-na! Na-na-na! Na-na! Na-na-na! Na-na-na! Na-na! Na-na-na! Na-na-na! Na-na! Na-na-na-na! Na-na-na! Na-na! What? I'm not your maid! Holly, why isn't he at school? It's Saturday, dummy! No, it's not.
Ely, you little shit! You told me it was Saturday.
So this is the plan, is it? Just sit around all day on drugs? - Where's Dad? - Drugs? Define "drugs".
Illegal stimulant or depressant substances with possible addictive properties.
Oh.
Define "on"! - Look, if you're planning on staying here long-term - I am, yeah.
Very long.
.
.
we're going to have to figure out some sort of rota.
Where's Dad? Sorry, a couple of hours ago, I was nearly buried alive by psycho morks.
Do you want to maybe give me five minutes while I try and deal with what's potentially a case of post-traumatic stress disorder? I said to you that needs to stay 100% under the radar.
If it got out I was there, bad things would happen, yeah? I know, yeah.
Dad? Dad? Right, you said you'd keep an eye on him, didn't you? Where the hell is he? I haven't got time for this, Holly! I need to go to work.
Me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me! Do you know what? I like you! - Original gangster! - I am.
That's me! Lewis! Lewis! Right, come on then, Dad.
- Oi! We're having a conversation! Where you going? - Hey! Ohh Sorry, just needed to get out of the house for a while.
Got claustrophobic.
I'm not saying anything against your sister.
She's a terrific girl, you know? Big personality on her, you know? - A force of nature.
- She's a drug addict, Dad! Something has to be done.
Some tough love, major intervention, something.
- I don't think she'd like that.
- What she'd like is more drugs.
You are her dad, you know? Why can't you be one? I'm sick of this.
- Where's your tag? - Come on, spray them! - Push! - Move along! With that, too! Move along! Next! - Oh, my God! - Get away! Yeah, I know, I know.
Super discrete.
You know, you being in Troy, half-alien What did you get? - Aliens, characteristics-wise? - Shut up! It's a fascinating subject.
Getting a buzz off dishwasher tablets -- yes.
Being affected by dog whistles -- yes.
Penis size -- er Do you smoke your own hair? Penis what do you mean penis size? No, it's great, it's great! It's a good handsome penis, but it's just more humanly proportioned.
You're better off.
It's a lot of upkeep.
Last night -- life-defining adventure.
- I'm bruised! I have bruises! - Yeah.
Look at these! If this was an airport, we'd definitely have to put these bags in the hold.
We would never be at an airport, would we? Well, I didn't think we would be sharing a grave together, but, you know Eurostar, then? Not as a couple, you know.
Not like a couple on a romantic weekend.
I'm working now, Dominic.
I meant more guys on, like, an extreme sports holiday.
You know, like Like a Pepsi Max gang, but a smaller version.
Like a two-man gang.
I need to see you.
Come to Troy.
No.
Next! No? Is that a camera? Is that - Test Lewis Garvey's DNA.
- Sh! Please! Sh! - Test Lewis Garvey's DN - Please, please! Shush, shush! Lilyhot, please, please! Can't we just call it quits? I don't work for you.
I'd be terrible at it.
Meet me at ten o'clock tomorrow morning.
No! Maybe you can do drug dealing and killing people on flexitime but I have a job.
I know who your real father is, Lewis.
Ring in sick.
Thank you.
Daddy's home! Dad, yeah, Daddy comes strolling in, it's "Daddy's home.
" I'm here all day, I get "Mummy's mean".
Has she been mean? Mum a big meany? Yeah.
Don't you dare get him worked up.
There he is.
You ready? Five, OK? - Yeah.
- Huh? - Yeah.
Good lad.
One Two Three.
What were we not going to do, mate? Flinch.
Fucking flinch.
Three.
Sorry.
Four.
Five.
Well done.
That's good.
Four out of five.
It hurts.
It hurts like a bastard, I know that.
It's fine to cry.
Pain's pain.
You don't ever flinch.
And why's that? So they don't see fear.
They'll use fear against you, won't they? If there was one gift I could give to you, it's the gift of not being afraid of no twat.
That's my wish for you.
- What are we? - Warriors.
Warriors for life You flinched.
Don't flinch.
Hiya.
Argh! Taxi for Mr Garvey.
You scared the shit out of me.
It's all part of the service.
Why are you talking funny? I swallowed some bleach.
Half a glass is fine, you know -- just a bit of violent vomiting, mild tracheal damage.
It's a guaranteed way to get off work early, I guess.
I knew.
You know.
What? The day after that girl comes in, you're suddenly off sick? That's supposed to be some sort of coincidence, is it? No, you know.
No.
Coming into Troy on your own is risky enough, but to meet her? No.
Sorry.
- I didn't come here to see her.
- You did.
You did so.
- No, I really didn't, I - You did.
Glad you came.
Why is he here? - We're a team.
Deal with it.
- No, we're not a team, actually.
- We are a team.
- Right, shall we talk teams later? This is important.
I don't know what you see in her.
I look at her and all I think about is sexually transmitted disease.
They say we came here on a convict ship.
Prove it.
If there's one scrap of evidence, let them produce it.
But they can't, because it's lies.
Wait a minute.
You got me here, right, so tell me how you'd even know about my father.
My uncle knew him.
Yeah, there were rumours about him having a human girlfriend.
And crazier rumours about a kid.
You.
Look around you.
What do you see? Do you see any schools, any factories? No.
No, I have to hand it to them, it's fucking rubbish.
Er, sorry, excuse me, how has this got anything to do with his dad? Why do you think it's like this, Lewis? I don't know.
Bad parenting? - What's the matter with you? - What? It's exploitation.
- Ah, right, here we go.
- Look at you.
These are your people, Lewis.
No, they're not, they're half my people at most.
Anyway, you can talk.
You killed your friends.
I had to wash bits of their brains out of my hair.
Your father is in prison, on the human side.
Of course he is.
Just when you think you couldn't get any prouder(!) He's a great man, OK.
He was a leader and an organiser.
- That's why they got rid of him.
- What's his name? Antoine Berry.
Oh! "Alleged alien hit man and notorious drug lord" What do you think they are going to do, put the truth? Fabien's the real gangster.
Is he in prison? No.
Why? Because he keeps Troy exactly how the humans want it -- fucked up and afraid.
You and me, we can change that.
Antoine is the only one capable of taking Fabien on.
So I need you to help me break him out of prison and get him back to Troy.
Are you out of I am a border control officer.
That is a law enforcement position.
Breaking convicted criminals out of prison would be frowned upon.
I'm working my way into Fabien's gang.
And when I'm in, I will make sure Antoine always stays one move ahead.
- No.
Not happening.
- Oi, Lily! This is him with your mother.
I want you to look at it.
I'm not even going to open that.
Oi, Lils Lils, why've you got two faggots with you? - Right, who is that? - It's Patrice.
Don't worry, he's just someone I'm using.
He's an idiot.
I wonder which part of him she's using.
Boss.
Can I show you something? Mm-hm.
See, no-one else sees it.
Not sure I see it.
It's recognition.
Same when he saw her at the barrier.
Two of them, eyes locked.
I was right there.
He knows her.
And this has nothing to do with him tasering you? Nothing.
Chief when have I been wrong, ever? Keep an eye on him.
Bring me something that's not a blur.
I love it.
I know you do.
You ready? Because I go for hours.
Bam, bam, bam.
Yeah.
All night, rolling orgasms, out-of-body experiences, the works.
When are we going to see Fabien? You'll be looking down at us from the ceiling, and you'll be thinking, "That bloke is good at sex.
" - I can tell.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
The feelings I have when I'm with you.
- You have no idea.
- Oh, yeah, let's do it.
Yeah, let's do it.
Let's do it After we see Fabien.
Right, boys, keep this clean.
Fifty on Taco.
Go on, hit him! Don't draw attention to yourself in there, all right.
He's funny around new people.
- Follow my lead.
- OK.
- You know what I call a woman's vagina? - Tell me.
I call it a Happy Meal.
- No, a Happy Meal, cos I - No, no, no, I get it.
Go on, hit him! Excuse me.
She was there when the fur house got robbed.
She was with the prick who did this to me.
You are fucked.
I know you! - Fab, she's one of them.
- One of who? One of the fucking what-do-you-call-'ems - Silence Crew.
- What? Silent screw? This is the first I'm hearing about any of this, Fabien.
Only there ain't no such thing as Silence Crew any more.
- I had them taken out.
They were slowing me down.
- Guy! Uh What you say your name was, darling? 'All Aliens must return to designated Alien Zone by curfew.
' 'I want to meet him.
' - 'Good.
' - I'm not a criminal.
- I know that.
- I'll help.
But I'm not pointing guns at anyone, I'm not threatening people.
Fine.
But that means we're a man short, so you need to recruit someone.
Someone who'll do exactly what you say and not ask any questions.
Do you know anyone like that? 'Lewis 'Lewis?' Look You're doing the right thing.
'Holly?' You had better not be thinking of poaching my client base, Ivan.
Wait, who's that I can hear in the background? Oh, you dick.
You play with that and I'll be back in a minute.
All right? Do you want to shake on 350 then? Do not shake that hand.
You better cease and desist moving in on my business.
I'm in the middle of a deal here.
Apologies for this Paul.
Holly, leave now.
Did you hear that? That was his scary voice.
Holly! 'Paul' is it? Paul, working with this man is inviting persistent and chronic ball-ache into your life, believe me.
Holly, where's Eli? Do you mind? Trying to negotiate a price here.
Oi! What kind of mother brings her kid along on a buy? A working mother, a juggling tasks, "How does she do it?" mother.
He's in an entirely separate room.
Do not disparage me, Ivan.
I'm an incredible mum.
Just cos I'm not all, "Wear a safety helmet" "avoid danger.
" You can have the business.
I get Eli.
Nice try.
I see where you're going, pre-empting the family court adjudication and everything, but Eli's never going to go for it.
We're best mates me and him.
You're a junky.
You're in no fit state.
You brought this on yourself.
Eli, buddy Daddy would like to subject you to a tug of love scenario.
- I never said that.
- He thinks that would be appropriate.
It's about where you want to live, mate -- where you feel safe.
Yeah, whatever.
Eli, just come to the one you love.
Oh! Paul! Paul.
Paul, sorry about that.
Part-timers -- they just think this business is all about padding out the housekeeping money till the end of the week.
Do you know what I mean? Look, there's 300 there.
I'm unencumbered.
I'm sales targets, graphs everywhere, pal.
It's Me PLC.
Hey, Patrice.
Come here for a minute.
Have you ever seen the film Colour Of Money? Paul Newman, Tom Cruise? - I said Paul Newman.
- You said Steve McQueen, you liar.
- I said Paul Newman.
- Fucking Colour Of Money anyway.
Tom Cruise comes along and Paul Newman's all, "I'll take you under my wing, "show you the ropes.
" And Tom Cruise is fine for a bit but then he gets cocky.
"No-one's telling me shit.
I'm fucking Tom Cruise.
" He's going to go his own way.
"See me play pool? "Why would I do what Paul Newman says?" He's got it all worked out.
What he doesn't know is .
.
he's a fucking idiot.
He's a twat.
Have you been dealing my fur on the side, Patrice? What? No, never.
I swear to you, Fab, I would never do that.
F for me.
No, no, no way.
I never even knew that was there.
Someone planted that.
It's a set up, Fabien.
Do you know what happens at the end of The Colour Of Money, Patrice? Paul Newman pokes Tom Cruise's eye out with a pool cue.
At least I think that's what happens.
I fell asleep before the end.
- Is it my shot? - No, it's my shot, you cheeky twat.
This will get you in.
Does this mean there's a real lawyer dead in a ditch somewhere? - Tell me the truth.
- I wouldn't do that.
Everyone knows dead bodies go in the canal.
- It's a joke.
- Oh, I see.
Let me see.
Mmm, Nice.
Convincing? Yeah.
And the suit.
It's very nice.
You'll be fine.
Yeah.
Look at the state of you.
You look even less like a lawyer than the last one.
I'm, I'm not a lawyer.
I just said I was a lawyer so I could get to see you.
Who are you then? Listen, Fuckface Can I call you Fuckface? You go back to wherever it is you came from Oi! Get down! I'm warning you! I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
What can I say? Secret admirer.
That fucker.
I'm asymmetric.
I know a way to get him back.
This is by far the most intense thing I've ever done.
- Feel my heart beat.
- No.
You must be having a seizures Breaking your real dad out of prison, it's not every day, is it? I should've gone before we left.
Hey Hi, do I have time to go to the toilet, please? Request immediate medical response, prisoner en route to ambulance.
How come you gets to sit in the car while we take all the risks? Because those are the terms of my involvement.
Yes, plus he's going through a lot of emotional upheaval at the moment, he's got a lot of family stuff to deal with.
What? I'm not, I'm just Antoine needs to be in Troy before Fabien hears he's out of prison, so no hold-ups.
Remember, I don't want any violence.
No, neither do I.
No bullets.
Be careful.
Yeah, you too.
Er, just so I'm clear on this, this is about getting your father back, right? This isn't about her, is it? Get ready.
30 seconds.
There it is.
Out! Out! Out! Go! Go! Live life to the max.
Open up! I will kill him, and I will not blink.
Go on.
OK, OK.
Anybody moves, shoot them.
Got it? Shit, shit, shit.
You shot me! You said, "Anybody move, shoot them.
" He was right in my peripheral vision.
Shit, shit.
Oh, God! Put it down.
I won't tell you again, put it down.
No.
Put it down on the ground and get your hands in the air now.
You know it ain't going to happen, mate.
Look, I'm pressed for time here but you can still decide how this ends.
- I'm so sorry.
- You idiot.
You said there wouldn't be any violence.
No, I said I didn't want any violence.
You were going to shoot that guard.
She was going to shoot him.
- Those were not unloaded guns.
- I think this is bad, I think this Don't worry, they'll patch you up real good.
- They can do amazing things these days.
- Stop here a sec.
Lily, what the Argh! What did you do that for? Go.
You people! This is it.
We get him across the border and then I'm done with all of you.
Go faster.
Dad, I can't over-emphasise how in the middle of something I am.
- Turn around.
- Whatever it is, we don't have time.
Keep driving.
Turn around! She's not answering! Jesus Christ, Holly.
What have you done? I'm working up to it.
Fuck's sake.
Oi, it was a cry for help, you dick.
I can't cry for help if I'm dead, can I? It's all over the news.
Fabien'll have people on the tunnel.
If we take him through that way he's a dead man.
Curfew's in 20 minutes.
I told you there was no time.
Yeah, but she's my sister.
What am I supposed to do with him? Hide him.
"Hide him.
" I'll do that then.
Now, when I was a little boy At the age of five I had something in my pocket Keep a lot of folks alive Now I'm a man I'm age 21 You know, baby We can have a lot of fun Have you finished in there, then? Should I turn the light off? - Yes, please.
- On or off? - Off.
- Eh? What's that? What you reaching for? What you reaching for? Sausage rolls.
Right, I want to know who the fuck you are.
Somebody comes out of nowhere, fucking springs me out of Azkaban.
And I'm not going for the whole mystery benefactor bollocks.
So who are you? I'm your son.
What? Lewis? Lewis, that's right -- the half-alien one.
Lewis.
Jesus Christ.
How's it going? Seriously? No.
That, that was completely the wrong thing to say.
I'm sorry.
- Look, you've got a bit of - Get off.
You've got a bit of blood OK, you're angry with me.
- I'm not anything with you.
- It's OK, I would be too.
You've got to understand, - we didn't think she could get pregnant.
- I'm indifferent.
We were told it was impossible.
But, you see when she told me you should have seen the look on my face.
I couldn't stop smiling.
- Lewis! - I don't want to know this.
This big, permanent grin all over my face.
It was like tetanus or something.
Off or on? I swear to you.
We were going to make a go of it.
We had everything sorted.
We were young, people didn't think it would work, but we told them, "We are going to make this work.
" - Lewis! - For Christ's sake, Dad, what?! Did you say on or off? I said off.
I couldn't hear you.
We were going to make it work, I swear to you.
We were ready to go.
Then all at once, the wall comes up .
.
and they put me away in prison.
I promise you, Lewis, I never meant to leave you.
I don't like your story and I don't want to be in it.
I know.
- I don't like Morks.
- It's OK.
It'll be OK.
Don't you touch me.
Fucking Mork.
You'll remember tonight.
First time you see your dad swing into action.
- What do I say to you, what are people? - Dogs.
They're wild dogs -- first sign of weakness, you're inviting attack.
That's why the no flinching, yeah? You come out teeth bared.
Watch and learn.
I'm in this game 16 years, you think I'm going to shy away from this? Let's not get people stirred up.
This is routine.
This bloke scares me not one iota.
Situation needs dealing with, we deal with it.
Turn it off! £10,000! Who wants it? Kill Antoine Berry for us.
Doesn't matter to me if you get him in here, on the human side, in the tunnel get out there, find him, have him.
Whoever does it takes this home.
'Police and custom officers are on high alert this morning 'as Alien crime boss Antoine Berry remains at large' 'Hey.
' What? Hi? 'You need to come and get him.
' I can't, I have to be here.
There's a limit to how long he can live in my wardrobe.
Look, there's only one person that can get him into Troy alive.
You're in the perfect spot.
'No.
' No! That is my place of work.
Look, you're better at this than you think.
You just need nerves of steel.
And a distraction.
'It was supposed to be get him out, get him to the tunnel, that was it.
' You just keep on chipping away.
Maybe I want to see what's inside.
What sort of distraction? I'll call you back.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Good man.
'All Aliens must return to the designated Alien Zone by curfew.
' Stay calm, right.
It's really important that you don't start thinking, "This is insane.
"Why am I trusting someone who has consistently lied to me? "I am almost definitely walking into a trap.
" If you start thinking like that, it's going to show on your face, people are going to notice.
Like that! Stop doing that! OK? Good Luck.
Lily was tearful, man.
She admitted to me she'd made a mistake.
A lot of couples go through a bump in the road before realising Yeah? So why is it you and me here, then, and not you and her? I said to you, some people, they're just not up to it.
She's quite timid.
- Chief.
- 'Garvey?' Silver Golf, two males, mid-20s, queuing Troy side.
Does it seem odd to you? Two hours until curfew.
They can't be heading to a shift.
- 'Look, man, can I just fucking say this, right? - Yeah.
' What if you've antiquated attitudes and those attitudes are allowing her to take advantage of us and sort of - get us into stupid situations - Get out of the car! All available bodies, here now.
Get out of the car! Get out, get out! Get down, get down! - Let's swap.
- Yeah.
Get down! Agh! Next.
- Oh, I'm sorry, it was him! - We haven't done anything! - He said he would beat me up I'm sorry.
- Mate! You shut up! - All right to head off, Chief? - Go.
Good job today.
Good instincts.
Thank you.
And, Truss the, er Garvey thing we talked about? Forget it.
(Hello?) That was beautiful.
Yeah.
The planning, the execution.
Did you think it up yourself? - Bits of it I did, yeah.
- Very impressive.
- Is that him? - It's Antoine.
- Antoine.
- People know you.
Yeah, they never forget a face round here.
Oi, it's Antoine.
One minute, mate.
- Is it done? - Is it done? No, it's not.
All right, Fabien? You know, there is going to be a war.
You just don't see it yet.
Step away from the border before I take punitive action.
Come and see me.
Huh? Anything that may endanger my recovery, lock it away or lose it.
There's this girl we both know.
She says you'll do whatever I tell you to? - Are you ready? - Ready.