The Leftovers (2014) Episode Scripts

N/A - Pilot

Uh, yeah, no.
I mean, you people called me.
I'm returning your, uh shh.
- Do you want to hold? - Yeah, yes, I am.
I do I that's me.
I'm sorry.
Well, are you the same person that I was just talking to? Seriously, I don't have the reference number.
When Mommy was single and 20, she used to use quarters for this.
But now she has to put money into a machine to get a card to put into another machine.
Oh, goddamn it! Come on! Broke, and the entire basement was flooded.
- Crazy.
- I know.
The water was totally up to our knees, and Ben's exercise shit that he never uses, the washer and dryer.
I'm I'm actually at a laundromat right now.
Can you I don't know.
Can you squeeze me in at 5:00 or something? - Yeah, I - Let me check.
Hold on.
Oh! Flippy thing.
There's a button, a red but yeah.
Honey.
Shh.
It's OK, baby.
Shh.
Shh.
Yeah.
It's a red, uh, button with a, um Oh, my God.
Just press it in with a pen or something.
Oh.
It's perfect.
It'll start back up.
OK, I'm in the car right now.
Can you make the formula? I'm gonna be home in Sam? Sam? Sam? Sam? Sam? Daddy! Where's my daddy? Daddy! Sam! Sam! Where are you? See, he was buckled right into that car seat! He was right here! - He was right in the car seat there! - Daddy! Where are you, Sam?! Sam! Where is he?! He was right in there! I don't understand! Please call the police! Call 9-1-1! Daddy! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Saa-aam! your emergency? My son's missing.
He was.
.
What's your emergency? I want to report a missing person your emergency? I don't know where he is.
Can somebody please come help me? She's gone.
Iran, 1.
47 million.
Turkey, 1.
55 million.
Germany, 1.
71 million.
Egypt, 1.
73 million, Vietnam The thing that one fails to grasp That's only one out of every Statistically speaking, on the average football pitch, none of the players would be departed.
The odds of losing someone in your immediate family are slim at best.
Now, if you look at, let's say, casualties from mass pandemics, smallpox, for one, decimated million.
China, 27.
18 million.
Come.
Come here.
Come on.
It's OK.
I'm not gonna hurt you.
Hey! Hey! No! French Club's croissants will be outside the caf after lunch.
And, uh, finally, the Denziger Commission Report was released this morning.
We'll be live-streaming the hearing in the auditorium all day, and the guidance staff will be available to anyone who needs to, you know, talk it out.
Thanks, Glen.
Let's rise for the Pledge of Allegiance.
"I pledge allegiance to the flag "of the United States of America, "and to the republic for which it stands, "one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
" And now, for those who want to, let us pray for mercy and forgiveness and the return of those who have left us.
Pow.
Good morning.
This is Dusty Bob, and this one goes out to Boon, who lost his lovely Alysse at the Cracker Pickle 3 years ago today.
Alysse, we don't know where you are, but we sure do hope there's pickles up there.
A little Patsy Cline for y'all.
Let's go teardrop-huntin'.
Ah.
Oh.
Jesus.
How many more cars am I gonna have to get in and out of? This is it, Congressman.
Is it cool if I call you that? Call me whatever shit you want.
Just drive, kid.
You got something for me? Oh.
Cool.
Thanks.
Would you mind giving me your phone, please? I promise you'll get it back once you've talked to him.
Do you mind? Are you fucking serious? To quote Wittgenstein, "whereof one cannot speak, thereof one must remain silent.
" Thank you.
Thank you, Doctor.
So we're clear We convened a council of clerics, representatives of most world religions, who, as you know, were somewhat conflicted about October 14th and were thus unable to reach any kind of consensus, which, in turn, led us to the scientific community for answers.
This document, the findings of your Commission, as to the instantaneous disappearance of 2% of the world's population, some 140 million souls, your conclusion as to what happened to them, why them, and where they've gone, is and I'm paraphrasing here "I don't know"? Sir, I am a scientist, and I was asked to look at data.
In fact, I was asked to identify patterns that weren't immediately obvious and address related events like the Chef Anomaly and the Brandenburg Carousel that were, and still are, considered miracles.
- _ - But they are simply statistical hiccups that we can't explain because, sir, in my opinion, miracles do not exist.
Miracles do not exist? - _ Scientifically speaking, no, sir.
Doctor, pardon my tone, but who are you, sir, to tell the American people that millions of mothers, fathers, sons, and daughters - _ - disappeared, gone, in an instant, and that's not a miracle? What in God's name do you call it? I don't know, but if you are implying it was a miracle, I am fairly certain, sir, that God sat this one out.
Hi there.
Mrs.
Tunney? Yes? Chief Kevin Garvey.
Garvey? I thought you went crazy.
Oh, no, uh, that was my dad.
Oh.
Yeah, former Chief.
Oh.
Mrs.
Tunney, I'm here this morning because I found your dog, Dudley, and I'm sorry to say that he's, uh, well, he's dead.
So? I just thought you might want to That dog has been gone for 3 years.
Ran away, never came back.
He was my husband's.
He's not coming back, either.
Sorry for your loss.
Is that what it is? Dennis, it's me.
Are we anywhere on that pickup truck? - Did you happen to get the plates? - No.
Dennis! Dennis! No! There were no plates.
If there were plates, I would have told - It's just a lot of work, Chief.
- Dennis, from now on, just say, "I am sorry, Chief.
As of now, I do not know shit.
" Fine.
I don't know shit.
Now, I got an hour before the meeting, so I'm gonna head over - to Animal Control and - Whoa, whoa, Chief.
You don't have an hour.
- That meeting was rescheduled.
- No! It starts in 5 minutes.
Nobody told you? No.
They said noon.
Well, they changed it.
What who changed it? I don't know.
It must have been someone from the mayor's office.
Everybody's sitting around waiting for you.
All right, look, all right.
All right, just stall them.
So you're from Texas, huh? What gave you that idea? I was down there a couple years ago when I was looking at schools, and people were really nice.
So you're in college? I was.
Not anymore.
Why not? Didn't see the point.
Well, your folks must be so proud.
You know, Mr.
Witten, you don't have to be such a dick You're gonna forget you ever felt this way.
What way? Burdened.
You say that to all the people you drive? Nope.
Sometimes I say "abandoned.
" This Wayne.
He's the real deal? He's as real as it gets.
Hey, uh, I told her you were late because of a family emergency.
I'm late because her office gave me the wrong fucking time.
And that's gonna cut the parade in half.
It's a damn side street.
We can close it for 3 hours.
So, what we're going to do Everything OK, Chief? Your office told me noon.
Well, at least that, uh, gave you time to deal with your emergency.
OK, parade should end about 11:00 at the park, and then we'll unveil the statue, which I'm told is terrifying.
We have to do that tomorrow? Hector's been working on it for a year.
Be kind of weird just to leave the sheet on it.
OK, we'll quickly unveil the statue, the Girl Scouts will read the names, I'll say a few words, introduce Nora Durst What's she gonna say? She lost her entire family, Doug.
She'll say whatever the fuck she wants to.
And there we have it our very first Heroes Day.
- Any questions? - Yeah.
I still don't think they were heroes.
My brother-in-law disappeared, and he was a dipshit.
They're heroes because no one's gonna come to a parade on We Don't Know What the Fuck Happened Day.
The DSD has proclaimed a Federal Holiday of Remembrance, and that's what they're calling our departed because that's how we want to remember them.
Everyone loves a hero, so we're all gonna have a nice walk through town, have a good cry, and then move on.
It's time.
Everybody's ready to feel better.
Not the Remnant.
At last, the Chief speaks.
I would have said something sooner, but I was so riveted.
So we're gonna do this again? The whole town, the same place at the same time, on the anniversary.
You're you're inviting them to show up.
The G.
R.
isn't a threat.
If they want to stage a non-violent protest, that's their right.
You were at the homecoming.
They walked right onto the field.
And then they walked right off.
No harm done.
They are trying to provoke us.
Then don't get provoked.
A year ago, these people didn't even exist.
Now there's almost 50 of them.
They they bought up an entire cul-de-sac.
You know, you're saying this to me as if I didn't already know it.
I don't know shit, Lucy.
Do you? Where did they come from? What do they want? You don't even know who they are.
We know who they were.
They're gonna come tomorrow, and when they do, somebody's gonna get hurt.
You want me to call it off? Yeah I want you to call it off.
No.
You're wrong.
Nobody's ready to feel better.
Ready to fuckin' explode.
Come on, girls, spread it out! Come on, girls! Sticks down! Ooh! What the fuck, Jill?! Jill, I'm sure that things have been hard since your mother went away I'm fine.
Are you? I'm sorry, but if I'm gonna put you back on that field, I need your word that this won't happen again.
Yeah.
OK as long as that cunt stays away from me.
- Tom.
- Hey, Pete.
- How you doing, man? - Good, good.
How about you? Fine.
Nobody followed you? Nope, took the long way up.
You get the phone? Oh, yes, sir.
You the mayor or something? Congressman.
Congressman.
Excuse me, sir.
Two comin' up, two comin' up.
Come on.
Come on, Jack.
Congressman, we're happy to have you here.
How was your trip? Fine.
Thanks.
I'm sorry about those irritating security procedures.
I'm sure you're used to that.
Yes.
Go on in.
Wayne, this is Congressman Witten.
Can you help me? That what I think it is? Yep.
You are the best.
Ask and ye shall receive.
Don't worry about it.
Sit down.
Mmm.
So tell me who got sent home.
I know you watched it.
Kaitlin got booted.
- No way! - Yep.
Brian took her up on this hot air balloon and told her how he felt this amazing connection with her.
He got her into the fantasy suite? I mean, what woman can resist a hot tub and about 400 roses? Jesus! Try one at a time.
I can't.
They're too good.
You need to answer that? No, ma'am, I do not.
Hey, it's Tom.
I'm not here.
God bless.
Beep.
Hey, Tommy, it's your daddy.
Uh just wanted to hear your voice.
_ Girl, I didn't even know you were capable of saying the word "cunt.
" I say it all the time.
To who? Cunts.
Ha! Ladies.
They kick you off the team? I got off with a warning.
But if my attitude doesn't change, Coach is gonna call my dad.
Well, I got to say, Jill, your attitude does kinda suck.
Really? You just get all intense and melancholy and shit sometimes, which is why you need to come to Dorfman's tonight.
And Nick's gonna be there.
Stop.
Oh, yeah.
Nick! - Oh! - Stop.
Oh, yeah! Nick! Yo, ladies.
Want to get stoned and play some ping-pong? We're already stoned.
Oh, OK.
Then we can skip right to the ping-pong.
And by ping-pong, you mean Uh it's like tennis, but easier, with a little white ball.
I like your Prius.
We're gonna pass.
Right on.
As you were.
You going to Dorfman's tonight? Maybe.
Ooh, girl, someone wants to show you his little white balls.
Stop.
Oh, yeah! Nick! How'd it go? I am no longer burdened.
All gone? All gone.
- So you ready to go home? - Yes.
Um, actually, Tom, we're going to have Doug take the congressman home.
Wayne would like to speak with you.
- To me? - Yes, Tom.
- You.
- See ya.
Um is every is everything OK? Why don't you stay here tonight, Tom? Get some dinner, there's a bed for you in the bunkhouse.
Wayne will come to you.
- Do you know what it's about? - Tom.
He'll come to you.
Thank you for letting me crash your dinner, Mr.
Garvey.
I think it's really awesome that you guys have this whole family thing every night.
Hear that, Jill? Aimee thinks it's awesome.
How was hockey practice? Same old, same old.
There something you want to tell me? This meatloaf's fucking spectacular.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said about my cooking.
So, Mr.
Garvey, are you keeping the peace and what not at tomorrow's parade thingy? You're not going, are you? Probably not.
It sounds depressing.
You don't want us to go? No, I'd rather you didn't.
Why not? I would just rather you didn't.
I would just rather you tell me why not.
You really want to go or you're just busting my balls? Busting your balls.
You know what, Mr.
Garvey? Um, Jill and I have been discussing her whole attitude thing lately.
- You have? - Yeah, and, um, we both think that, you know, she's been under a lot of stress and it might actually do her some good to just, you know, come out tonight and have a good time.
Where is this good time happening? This guy's house, Jay Dorfman.
- Dorfman? - Yeah.
It's, you know, just a small get-together thing, and his parents will totally be there.
- Oh, good.
- And it's all the way on the other side of town, so maybe Jill could borrow your car.
No drinking.
I don't drink.
All right.
Uh, have fun.
Come on, Aimee.
Please don't come tomorrow.
I would real Jill, I would really appreciate it.
And if it's a party, you better hope no one calls the cops.
Yeah, yeah Text me Dorfman's phone number! You're doing your best.
It's OK.
Just ignore 'em.
Come on.
Shit.
Bring it on! Bring it! Oww! Yeah.
Yo, next! Nick, let's go! Nick! Whoo! - I don't have to do it.
- It's cool.
- I don't have to do it.
Really, it doesn't - Go for it.
Jill, I don't care.
I seriously don't have to do it.
Please.
Have fun.
And that's the beauty of it.
See, if we do it in Hawaii, then half the guest list won't even show up, which is I've got to the point, right? Mm-hmm.
Honey listen, I know that this is all a little overwhelming.
Planning a wedding is a big deal.
It's not, actually.
Mmm.
What? Well, it's just a a party, right? We're exchanging vows.
Yeah, but that's not the wedding.
That's exactly what the wedding is.
No, the wedding is picking fucking centerpieces.
I'm sorry.
It's just like you said.
It's It's overwhelming.
I'm really looking forward to it.
Yeah, me, too.
What? Oh.
Fucking God.
Those crazy My fiancée, she's going through some stuff and, um _ Do it.
Do it.
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Aah! It's on you, boo.
Whoo! Whoo! _ We don't have to do anything.
I mean, I won't tell.
I have other rules, Garvey.
You can do whatever you want.
Must have been Dorfman's little sister's room or something.
Probably keeping it in case she comes back.
She's not coming back.
None of them are.
Yeah, probably not.
So, uh how are you doing? You know, like, with your mom and all? Fantastic, Max.
Thanks for asking.
Sorry.
Come on.
Come on.
Be respectful.
So, uh, yeah, what's up with Nick and Aimee, huh? I thought you guys were friends.
Doesn't she know you own, like, half his babies and shit like that? Max, please stop talking.
Do you mind if I jerk off? Be my guest.
So, I mean, are you gonna choke me or what? Yeah, that's good.
Oh, yeah, that's good.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's better.
Mmm.
Goddamn it! No, Meg, Meg.
What the fuck do you want?! Why the fuck are you following us?! - Let's go inside.
Come on.
- You're everywhere! You're fucking everywhere! - Go away! - I got you.
Shh, shh, shh.
Well, do you even remember the trajectory of where they See if they bounced off the curb or something.
I don't know.
I mean, I can't see.
It's dark.
- Hey, do you have a flashlight? - What? I was getting out of the car, and I saw this baby shoe and I leaned over to get it.
He was tossing me the keys, but I didn't know, so they kind of sailed into nowhere.
At least we got a baby shoe.
I think my dad might have some flares or something.
Yeah? All right.
OK.
How was the party? It's over.
Everybody's either wasted or hooking up.
- Yeah, did you guys spin? - Yeah.
There's a dead dog in your trunk.
Is he yours? No.
Does it say his name? Dudley.
Dudley is kind of a shit name.
Why'd your dad shoot him? He didn't shoot him.
- Then why was he in the trunk? - I have no idea.
He just wouldn't shoot a dog.
Well, unless Dudley here is one of the ones that went nuts on the 14th.
I heard there's a whole pack of them that lives out in the woods behind the state hospital.
That's urban-legend bullshit.
I mean, I know loads of people with dogs, and none of them ran away.
No, no, no, not all of them did, just the ones that witnessed it, you know, who were actually there when someone went Poof! Dogs are just animals, man.
They're not like us, trying to reason it all out, make sense of shit that makes no sense.
They see something like that, and they just snap.
All bets are off right there.
No more chasing sticks, no more licking your own balls.
They just go primal, man.
Same thing's gonna happen to us.
It's just taking longer.
Good-bye, Dudley.
Hope it's easier now.
We're sorry you got stuck with us.
Tom? Tom.
Get up, man.
W-Wayne.
How how are you? We need to talk about Christine.
Oh, um, OK.
Isn't she one of the girls that lives here? Oh, look at you, lad.
"Is isn't she one of the girls who lives here?" Heh heh! You chat her ass up and bring her candy every time you do a drop-off, man.
W-Wayne, I I swear She's important, you know, she's very important, and, um, I need you to protect her.
From what? Oh, some bad shit's coming, and there's no gettin' around it.
I need you to keep her close, keep her safe, and Keep your fucking hands off her.
OK? Yeah.
OK.
Been having this dream, Tom.
It's the same one, over and over.
It's about my son.
"We're gone, Daddy," he says to me.
And all all the people who stayed, they're pretending like it never happened.
They're asleep, but they need to wake up now.
So I ask him why.
Why now? And he says "Therefore, "watch and remember, "that by the space of 3 years, I seize not to warn them, night and day, with tears.
" - Three years? - Three years.
That's tomorrow.
The grace period's over, Tom.
Time to go to work.
Tomorrow's October 14th, so it's time again for the world to mourn the departed.
We're gonna talk about what's gone on in the past 3 years, and you can tell us what you're thinking.
Caller Number One, go ahead.
Corinthians 15 Hello? Hey, Chief, where are you? Parade starts in 10 minutes.
Mayor's losin' her shit.
I probably should I just try to stall or something? Jill, honey? I got to go to the parade.
Where the hell are you and where the hell is my car? Unless you are dead, you have exactly 10 minutes to call me back.
Do you understand me? 10 minutes! Oh, fuck.
Hey, Tony, got him.
You OK? What happened? Jill took the car, didn't come home last night.
Jesus.
No, I don't want that.
Should we send around a couple of cars after the ceremony? - Are you worried? - Dennis, I'm always fucking worried.
What's up with the clown? Uh, she always does the parades.
- The kids love her.
- No fucking clowns.
Jesus Christ.
Oh, Chief Garvey.
- Mayor.
- Where have you been? Securing the parade route.
Uh-huh.
You see anything interesting? Just a lot of people ready to feel better.
They need this.
We all do.
Talk to me in a few hours.
See if you still feel that way.
- Oh, because the G.
R.
is coming.
- Yeah, they definitely are.
Then do your job, Kevin, and maintain the peace.
Yes, ma'am.
Why are you here? It wasn't the rapture! They were no better than us! I have proof! Free of charge! She beat her children! Does that sound like a good person to you? She beat her children! Matt.
None of your business, Matt.
Really need to do this today? Especially today, Officer.
- Chief.
- Right.
Chief.
Sorry.
Hey, next time you see your dad, you tell him he's off the hook.
I will be sure and do that, Matt.
You're off the hook, too, Chief.
Thank you.
You know, this What are you doing? Be done with it.
Jill! Where the hell were you last night? - At a friend's.
- What friend? - Does it matter? What are you doing? - I told you not to come here.
- I want to be here.
- I don't give a shit what you want.
Why was there a dead dog in your trunk? Shit.
Testing, 1, 2.
Mic check.
Check, check, check.
Guess you should go, do your Good morning, everyone.
Good morning.
So many of our loved ones were lost 3 years ago, and it's hard to know how to talk about them without feeling well, we really don't know how to feel because we still wonder where they went and why.
We honor them now with this remembrance Mapleton's own October 14th memorial.
Hector, would you please? Thank you, Hector.
Outstanding.
Fran Clary.
Gary Van Nuis.
Patrick Richard Younger.
Joyce Wong.
Maggie Roninberg.
Bob Nash.
Colby Parker.
Bill McMullen.
Gerald Marcus Zimmeran Zimmerman.
Sorry.
Thank you, girls, for that beautiful remembrance.
Every one of us was touched by the events of October 14th, but no one more than our honored speaker, Nora Durst.
- All right.
- Come on, Nora.
All right.
Come on, Nora.
Nora.
The best day of my life happened a few months before October 14th, but I didn't know it.
It just seemed like, um, a nice day, you know, my husband, my 6-year-old son, and my 4-year-old daughter.
Their names were are Doug, Jeremy, and Erin.
The kids built a sand castle.
Doug and I, we just sat on a blanket and watched them work, and it was just perfect, and it felt like, um I didn't deserve anything that good.
This one Saturday, the winter before that, we all got hit with the stomach flu, the whole family.
We were all feverish and throwing up, and I couldn't even get out of bed, and the kids were lying there with us, and I could feel the heat coming off their bodies, and I remember thinking, "This is it," I was gonna die.
I'm not greedy.
I'm not asking for that perfect day at the beach.
Just give me that horrible Saturday, all four of us sick and miserable, but alive and together.
Oh, great.
Check it out.
What the hell are you doing here?! Up here ridge, look.
Whoa, they're coming at us.
All units on foot, north side of the park, now.
Dad! Go home, now.
Now! Get out of here! You're not wanted here! Fuck you! Oh, fuck this! What do you want?! Take your cigarettes and stick 'em up your ass! Hey! Get out of here! Get the fuck out of here! Get out of my way! Get back! Hold the line! Hold the line! Do not talk about this as if it has something to do with what we have and have not done, as if there is some sort of rule book Everybody knows that the holy word of God You're talking about the Bible.
We're trying to have a secular conversation here, and you want to talk about God's will.
If it's not the will of God, whose will is it? It is no one's.
It is arbitrary.
It is meaningless, and anyone who suggests otherwise is probably trying to start his own cult.
I'll tell you who's starting a cult the scientists who believe in worshiping their own objectivity.
Science.
Science always.
Empirical evidence always rules.
There is no atheist apostle.
Einstein said that God doesn't play dice with the universe! Spiritual explanations for that which you cannot explain.
God brings along the peace Arbitrary, meaningless.
Stop digging where there is no Christ, Mike, turn this shit down.
- Copy that, Chief.
- scared man of God.
I am not afraid.
I am here be Well, the Pope.
I get the Pope.
But Gary fucking Busey? How does he make the cut? Ours is not to reason why, Mike.
What happened to your eye? A woman hit me with her shoe.
Come on, really? Really.
Mike, can I get another one? You sure, Chief? Yeah, I am.
Thank you for your concern.
Where were you? When it happened, where were you? Yeah! I was in my house, cleaning out a gutter.
Oh.
Where were you? I was in a parking lot at the laundromat.
Hey we're still here.
We sure are.
Hey.
I saw you! Stop that car.
I saw what you did! You cannot kill our dogs! Get the fuck out of that car right now! Stop that car right fuckin' now! Damn! Fuck! You cannot kill our fucking dogs! I know you don't speak.
I'm looking for someone named Laurie.
Maybe you could tell me what house she's in.
Just point.
Laurie! Laurie! Laurie! I'm gonna go up there.
Hi.
You OK? No.
Come on.
Let's take a walk.
We'll just go to walk, sit on the grass or something.
_ I know.
Yeah, thank you for fuckin' underlining that.
Jesus Chri I'm trying to talk to my wife! Please come home.
Please come home! Oh! Fuck! I was wondering if I could stay here maybe for just a couple of nights.
You can stay here for as long as you want to, sweetheart.
My name is Patti.
What's yours? Meg.
Hello, Meg.
Hello.
This is Laurie.
She's gonna take care of you while you're here.
Meg.
You and I won't speak again.
Come on, Tommy.
Pick up the goddamn phone.
Were you in my house last night? They are not our dogs.
What? You said they were our dogs.
They're not.
Not anymore.
Am I awake? Heh! Well, you are now, Chief.
You have a gun? Yeah.
Well, then what the fuck are you waitin' for?