The Office (US) Episode Scripts

N/A - Dunder Mifflin Infinity

- Hey, I got you one.
- Hey.
Thank you.
I was gonna grab some chips, you want some? No, thanks.
We're still having lunch today, right? I guess.
How dare you? Hey, Toby? What's this? I just wanna remind everyone about the company rules involving PDA, - or public displays of affection.
- Yes Some people in the office have complained.
- Oh, really.
- About other people engaging in PDA.
And you know, just wanted to remind them it's not appropriate to do that.
Is this about me and Jan in my office? Because I'll have you know that that was consensual.
What we did has nothing to do with you or anyone here.
I don't think anyone heard anything.
We're very discreet.
And most people had left by that point.
So I don't think it's any of your business.
What I think you should do, is roll up the memo real tight Okay, look, the memo was not out you.
For the record, I've never been involved with anyone at work in any capacity.
All right, everyone, look.
All right, the complaint was about Jim and Pam - No way.
- What? You guys are together? Yep.
Yes, we are.
- Tuna! - Awesome! I knew it! To the two of you.
Toby, was this your fun little way of congratulating us? - Yes.
- Okay.
Mind is exploding.
Get over here.
Come on.
Come here.
Okay, stand up.
Here we go.
Everyone, this is a day that will live in infamy.
Because today is the day that Jim and Pam - become one.
- Actually, we're dating for 2 months.
I love you guys so much.
- Phone's ringing.
- No, no.
Pam, let'em ring.
Let the bells of Dunder-Mifflin chime out your love.
Because this is really good.
This is really good.
My heart soars with the eagle's nest.
I don't see it.
I think they both could do better.
It's not a surprise to me.
Pam is the office mattress.
Jim Halpert's off the market.
Guess who just became the best looking single guy in the office? Tr Tra Tran Trans Transc Transcr Transcri Transcrip Transcript Transcript Transcript : Transcript : Transcript : S Transcript : Sw Transcript : SwS Transcript : SwSu Transcript : SwSub Transcript : SwSub S Transcript : SwSub Sy Transcript : SwSub Syn Transcript : SwSub Sync Transcript : SwSub Synch Transcript : SwSub Transcript : SwSub Transcript : SwSub Transcript : SwSub Transcript : SwSub Transcript : SwSub Transcript : SwSub Transcript : SwSub Transcript : SwSub Transcript : SwSub Transcript : SwSub Episode 4x02 "DUNDER-MIFFLIN INFINITY" Can you make that straighter? That's what she said.
Did you plan that? No.
"Can you make that straighter?" "That job looks hard.
" "You should put your mouth on that.
" How can you even use that one naturally? Blowing up balloons, I thought.
You might wanna trim it a little? - Michael.
- Oh, is Ryan coming back today? Yeah, he is.
Pam and Jim are together.
Ryan is visiting.
Only thing that could make this day better is ice cream.
What do you want? To give you this.
- What is that? - It's a ferel barn cat.
I trapped him and I'm giving him to you as a replacement cat for the one I destroyed.
Her name was Sprinkles.
And his name is Garbage.
Most calls him Garbage 'cause he likes to eat garbage.
Don't you, Garbage? I can't believe you just thought you could replace Sprinkles, before she's even in the ground.
You haven't buried her yet? Don't rush me.
I'm grieving.
Garbage can be very helpful, okay? He's a useful cat.
He killed an entire family of raccoons.
Look at him.
I don't want Garbage.
I want Sprinkles! Hey Toby.
Hey, Pa - You two.
- Hey.
So now that we are dating, we just wanted to know if we had to sign one of those "we're dating" things for the company.
Oh, well, you know, those are only for, you know, relationships.
So if it's just a casual thing, there's no need, really.
Well, I don't wanna speak for Jim, but it's, like, pretty official.
Sorry, so do we need to sign one, or Let's just wait and see what happens, you know.
- What? - Well, let's just wait.
- Oh, okay.
- Okay.
Great.
- Hey, Ryan.
- Hold on one sec.
Hey, Pam.
It's great to see you.
Is Michael in? - Hey, there he is! - Yeah.
He's back! And he's with a beard.
He has facial hair.
Look at him! All grown up and no place to go.
Hello, M.
Sonny Crocket.
I'm Tubbs.
Okay.
Should we get started? Yeah, let's get started because, uh, yes.
- 'Cause this is very serious business.
- Yeah, exactly.
This is a business meeting.
- Fire guy! - Stop that! That's right! Fire guy! Don't start any fires, Ryan.
Fire guy! - You weren't here for that.
- Here for what? - When he started the fire.
- Look how big he is.
Look at you! You are so mature and old and little man now.
- You're like our little man.
- Little old man boy.
- Michael, everybody - Bearded like man boy.
Let me say something.
I know I used to be a temp here, but now everything is different.
I'd like your respect.
I'm your boss now.
You're gonna have to treat me the same way you treated Jan.
- So - That's a little kinky.
I don't swing that way.
- I think Ryan has a gay crush on me.
- Enough, okay! This is inappropriate and it stops right now.
- Do you understand? - Yes.
Everybody, come on.
Settle down.
Let's get serious here.
Ryan has a very special important presentation to do which we will be doing in the conference room in ten minutes.
- Perfect.
- Sound good? Okay.
All right.
Yeah, Ryan snapped at me.
Bu there was this twinkle in his eye that I picked up on which said, "Dude, we're friends.
"I'm doing this for appearances.
"I'm the big boss now.
"And I have to seem like an ogre.
"But you know me "and you trust me, "and we like each other.
"And we'll always be friends.
"And I would never take you for granted "in a million years.
"And I miss you, man.
"And I love you.
" His words.
Dunder-Mifflin Infinity represents a floor to ceiling streamlining of our business model.
The center piece of the campaign is a new business to business website interface that will allow us to compete directly with big box chains.
Wait a second.
Last time I checked, Dunder-Mifflin already has a website.
And quite frankly, I'm not really sure what's wrong with it.
This is a massive overhaul.
We're getting younger, sleeker and more agile with the way that we adapt to the marketplace.
Essential personal will be issued blackberries for company use.
Gimme, gimme.
I'll stick around for a while to help you set them up.
Any questions? What if we don't wanna use a blackberry because they are stupid and pointless? - This's company-wide, Dwight.
- Got it.
You should call it Dunder-Mifflinfinity.
You know, push the words together.
Any other questions? Can we speak privately about our relationship? Thank you, everybody! Ryan Howard everybody! Good job! That was some fun stuff.
When's the website go up? As fast as possible.
We wanna start re-training people ASAP, to hit the ground running with the new system.
Cool beans.
- We're screwed.
- Who is? Us, you and me.
The old timers.
I am not old.
You are old.
You are, like, a 100.
You're over 40.
That's the cut off.
Are you listening to what he's saying? Re-training.
New system, youth.
I'm telling you, this kid is the grim reaper.
You deal with this, or you, me, Sammy, Phyllis, the chick you hit with the car, we're goners.
I swore I wouldn't tell anybody this, but in the interest of revealing secrets Oh, my god, this is gonna make your brain explode.
Dwight and Angela dating.
Have been for six months.
Swear to god.
This is great.
I was gonna wait and tell you on your birthday, but this is much more fun.
No, they have been dating for, like, two years.
Since before your barbeque.
Wait, what? You knew.
And you didn't say anything? You didn't say anything to me.
Fair enough.
We should have started dating, like, a long time ago.
Sorry, I didn't know you guys were in here.
- No, we're just sitting here.
- I couldn't see your hands.
Oh, hey Pam, by the way, it's great that you're dating.
But when a new client calls, you just have to randomly assign them to a sales person.
You can't base who gets new clients on who you're sleeping with that week.
Okay? - Okay.
- Okay.
Okay.
And that is why we waited so long to tell people.
- Okay, what's up? - Yeah, okay.
Um, I was just After the presentation, wanted to make sure that vis-a-vis me in the office, everything is business as usual.
Well, it's business but not as usual.
Yeah, no, I understand.
We're making great strides and you're updating.
- But business as usual, no? - No.
We threw out the playbook, we start from scratch.
We're implementing a brand new system.
- Good, so we're on the same page.
- No.
We're not.
Michael, I know exactly how much time and manpower are waisted in this branch.
This company is getting younger, faster, more efficient.
You need to prepare yourself.
We had a foreign exchange student live with us when I was young.
And we called him my brother.
And that's what I thought he was.
Um, and then he went home to what is now formerly Yugoslavia, taking all of my blue jeans with him.
And I just spent the entire winter in shorts.
That is what Ryan is like: a fake brother who steals your jeans.
So - How are you? - Awesome.
I am dating a lot of guys.
- Good.
- A lot.
Black guys, mostly.
What? Wait How do you touch just one of these buttons at a time? I don't know.
Did you even try? If the kid wants to set mine up, I'll let him.
I can't see half the things.
It's too little.
Use the phone.
I want you to tell me that you care about me.
That is what I want.
Kelly, I'm your boss now, okay? Stop talking to me like I'm your boyfriend.
Oh, big strong man.
Fancy new whatever.
- You never cared about me.
- I never cared about you? Six months ago, Karen Filippelli sent me an email asking me out.
I said no because I was committed to our relationship.
Well, I hope you're still committed, because I'm pregnant.
And guess what buddy? I am keeping it.
- You feel prepared to raise a baby? - I ca I can't talk about this right now, okay? After work, we'll go out to dinner, we'll talk about it then, okay? We have a date! - Hello.
- Hello, Dwight.
I've been thinking about things and I wanted to know if you would have dinner with me tonight.
Really? Yes.
I'll make a reservation.
No, no, let me cook for you.
Cauliflower and noodles.
Baked potato on the side.
I would prefer a public place.
See you after work.
- Hi, Pam.
- Hi.
- Is Michael in? - In his office.
Go right in.
So, elephant in the room, I have your old job.
Well, not exactly my job.
- A different title.
- Oh, well, excuse me.
Same office.
Same responsibilities.
Different salary.
You'll get there.
Don't worry.
- You look great.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- Scranton seats you.
Best decision I ever made.
You were let go.
You know what? Love the beard, keep it forever.
What is the actual deal with these things in terms of testicles? What? I don't wanna grow weird sperm in case we ever wanna have kids.
So what's Ryan doing here? I don't know.
They're launching a big new business plan, a new website.
He's being a real twerp about it though.
It's all about youth, and agily, and streamlining.
- Try to squeeze out the older people.
- He's such a snake.
Hope he gets them an ageism suit.
What is that word? Ageism? The companies, they can't discriminate against people due to old age.
Two years ago, we tried to force out some of the older branch managers with a mandatory retirement age and then Ed Truck, your old boss, threatened us with a lawsuit.
So, we had to back off.
So older people have just as many rises as younger people.
Yes, Michael.
They do.
- Creed? - Yes, sir? - Everything okay? - Everything's cool, dude.
I'm 30.
Well, in november, I'll be 30.
Another meeting's scheduled? I was gonna do the blackberry tutorial, in here.
Michael told us to wait in here, we don't know why.
Oh, man.
Good, we're all here.
- We can get started.
- Michael.
Have a seat.
Have a seat like everybody else.
Okay, this is for everyone's Still my office, Ryan.
Well, there has been a lot of talk about new ideas today.
Well new ideas are fine.
But they are also illegal.
Because they are a form of ageism.
What? Yes, I am right.
Did you know that the age discrimination and employment act of 1967 prohibits employment discrimination based on age with respect to employees I did.
Technically, he's right.
Hey, shut up, Toby.
Why do we as a society hate old people so much? - Because they're lame.
- No! Creed, no, they are not.
In fact, many cultures revere old people because of their storytelling ability.
Like the old lady from Titanic.
Or the funny things that they can do, like, "Where's the beef?" - Yeah.
- Why the big picture's up again? You used that when you burned your foot.
We were using the Ben Kingsley too.
I was going to put up some new pictures, but, all of the ink in the printer was gone.
- Michael Scott? - That is me! Come on in.
Whis this old fart? Did you just stagger off the street, out of a box or something? Who's this worthless bag of bones? Well, this guy is none other than one of the founders of Dunder-Mifflin, Mr.
Robert Dunder.
Oh, yeah! Yes! - Michael, can I talk to you for a sec? - Sure thing.
Excuse me.
- We've actual work to do.
- Fine.
Then I'll call David Wallace and you can explain to him why you threw the founder of the company out on his ancient butt.
Bob, how old are you? - I'm 87.
- 87 years young.
And still tive.
That is great.
Did you know that Bob is still a member of the board of Dunder-Mifflin? Well, I haven't been to a board meeting in years.
I send a proxy.
Still sends his own proxy.
Good for you.
I'm going to live for a very long time.
My grandma Schrute lived to be 101.
My grandpa Mannheim is 103, and still puttering around down in Argentina.
I tried to go visit him once but my travel visa was protested by the Shoah foundation.
I started this company in 1949.
Back then, it was an industrial supplier of metal brackets, mostly for construction.
Oh, boy.
And then Mifflin, of course he killed himself later, but I knew Mifflin through the rotary club.
Great.
He was He was at dinner with Beverly and her husband.
What was his name? Uh,`jerry.
Jerry Trupiano from South Jersey.
And he was tall.
Both he and Mifflin were tall guys.
Great.
That's great.
Thank you for coming in.
Robert Dunder, everybody.
Thank you.
That was wonderful.
- Do you have a ride? - Well, I came here in a cab.
- Perfect.
- Well, could you give me another Inspirational.
What have we learned? Well, we have learned that you can't teach an old dog new tricks.
Because it's illegal and you will go to jail.
I should help him get home.
No, no, don't help him! He doesn't need help, Pam.
What a nice guy.
Good night, guys.
Well, today was a fantastic waste of time.
I disagree.
It think it was very valuable.
Michael, technology helps business, okay? You shouldn't resist it.
This is the way the world is moving.
I happen to think that old ways of doing business are better.
And I can prove it.
- Okay.
- I look forward to hearing your ideas.
- Where do you wanna go? - Some place romantic and expensive.
Kelly, come on.
You know what? You're right.
I'm feeling kind of nauseous, anyway.
So we can just skip it.
Are you enjoying your vegetarian noodles? Very much.
How is your meat? Dry, delicious.
- I heard a joke today.
- Oh, that's funny.
Yes, it was.
Are you enjoying your mineral water? - I can't do this.
- What? I can't be with you.
Every time I look in your eyes, I see Sprinkles' stiff, lifeless body.
Then don't look in my eyes.
Look right here.
It's an old sales trick.
I'm sorry.
I gave this everything I could.
No, please don't do this, monkey.
I will leave your toothbrush on top of your tire tomorrow morning.
Smell that.
You smell that? - Dry rot.
- No, Dwight.
That smells like good business to me.
What I've done here, is I have collected the finest gourmet items that Scranton has to offer.
- Sweet, chocolate turtles.
- Yes.
Nope! No, those are for our clients.
Actually, our ex-clients.
I'll explain later.
Ryan wants everything in our company to be about emails and I.
M.
S.
But I think he is forgetting about the original instant message.
Letters attached to baskets of food.
Excuse me, Angela.
Michael asked me to turn in these receipts for these gift basket items.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- Is that all? - Yes.
I miss you.
Elevators.
Dwight, you have to listen to me.
We are not seeing each other anymore.
Can you accept that? Fine.
Then I just wanna be friends.
Good.
Plus a little extra.
Also, I love you.
I don't understand what the big deal is.
- You lied about being pregnant.
- Right, so? You really don't understand why that makes me angry? - No.
- We're never getting back together.
Why not? All right, I just have to ask.
Now that we're public is the magic gone? It's funny you bring that up, because yes, it is.
I knew it.
Oh, man.
- Just like that, huh? - I think I mean, I don't-- I don't know what it is, but - Be honest.
- I now find you repulsive.
That's honest.
All right, fair enough.
It was really fun while it lasted, though, wasn't it? Yeah.
For me it was.
Okay.
All right.
Hey, boss.
I didn't know you were coming in today.
What's, uh, going on here? I am glad that you asked.
Listen up, everybody! In the last year, we have lost seven clients to the big chains.
These gift baskets are our ticket back into their lives.
We are going to show up at these businesses unannounced, - and we are going to win them back.
- With gift baskets.
With peanut brittle.
With macadamia nut cookies.
With chocolate turtles.
With raspberry jam.
And a little bit of fat and salt.
Because you know what? That's what people like.
Ever since I was a kid, people have been telling me that I can't do things.
"You can't be on the team.
" "You can't move on to second grade.
" Well, now they're telling me that I can't win back clients using old fashioned business methods.
We'll see about that.
And FYI, I eventually hated second grade.
And I was the biggest kid in class.
Okay, we're gonna split up into teams.
Jim, Phyllis; Stanley, Dwight; me, Andy.
I'm not driving with him.
- I'll go with you, Stanley.
- Or him.
- Why don't we just go by ourselves? - Why don't we just go as teams to demonstrate our teamsmenship.
This is stupid.
What-- okay.
That's not helpful, Phyllis.
How is giving people gift baskets going to get our clients back? Gift baskets are amazing, Phyllis.
Gift baskets are the essence of class and fanciness.
They are the ultimate present that a person can receive.
What about cash? Cash can buy whatever you want, including a gift basket, so it's kind of the best gift ever.
- What about a gift basket full of cash? - Yes! Cash basket! Nice work, Tuna.
Fine, I'm just gonna go by myself, and I am going to win them back by myself.
Because this is important to me.
Michael, wait.
Let me go.
No, this is my quest.
Please let me go.
I need to win those clients back.
- Please.
- Fine.
Then god speed.
To both of us.
Good luck, Michael.
We don't need luck.
Yeah.
But thank you, that was really nice of you to say.
Business to business.
The old fashioned way.
No blackberries, no websites.
I would like to see a website deliver baskets of food to people.
Yes, I understand that, David.
I just felt that if we were to downsize Kelly, and then outsource customer service to India, which a lot of companies Yes, no-- Yes, Kelly is indian.
I understand that's confusing.
Hey, brah.
Been meaning to ask you, can we get some Red Bull for these things? Sometimes a guy's gotta ride the bull.
Am I right? Later, skater.
Sweet ride.
American made.
What happened to the sebring? It is in the body shop.
I had to have the dent taken out of the hood where I hit Meredith.
- That's a pain in the ass.
- I know.
- So who's next? - Larry Meyers.
Left us six months ago for Office Depot.
Proceed to the highlighted route then route guidance will begin.
Why do you use that thing? It lets them know where you are at all times.
Who? The government, spy satellites, private detectives.
Ex-girlfriends.
Next night, I'm out at a bar, 2:00 AM.
I figure I'll get a sandwich.
'Cause you can get a sandwich any time of the night.
I run into Vince Vaughn.
- No way.
- Literally.
Dude, you are so money.
But you dot even know it.
But you do.
- Later, guys.
- Yeah - Later, dude.
- Later, man.
How awesome is Ryan now? Yeah, he's definitely something.
- What does that mean? - That whole lifestyle his whole vibe? You find that appealing? Tuna! He has a killer job.
He's rich.
He smells like what I think Pierce Brosnan probably smells like.
He wears really cool rich guy cloth.
And he can get any girl that he wants.
So, sorry, Tuna, but if you don't know why that awesome, then you need awesome lessons.
Tuna, check ya later.
'Cause he's so money that he doesn't even know it.
Those things are heavy.
There's a lot of stuff in there.
We have macadamia nut cookies, the honey mustard pretzels.
Have you ever tried focaccia crisps? You know we closed our account, right? - Yes, we do.
- We're with Office Depot now.
- Yes.
- Yes, we know.
- But we just have not gotten over you.
- Well And we are dedicated to providing you with the very best customer service.
- This is true.
- The best personal business relation We can if you ever decide to come back to us.
Okay.
I don't think we're coming back.
- Please come back.
- Okay, you know what? Just enjoy the gift basket and remember that we provide a personal touch.
Remember what we had, Larry? I mean, really, it's about money.
Well, just enjoy the gift basket.
- Okay, than.
- All right.
I mean, their website's really easy to use too.
That's a big deal for us.
That guy was so st How can't they know how much better we are? I don't know.
Sometimes people are just impossible and make you miserable.
That is true.
Like Angela in accounting.
Yes, she is nuts.
No, she's wonderful.
At accounting.
But she drives me crazy.
Make the next right turn.
How do they know? How does this know where to turn? That's very impressive.
Hey, Pam.
I haven't settled on a final design logo yet for Dunder Mifflin Infinity.
And I know you're into graphic design.
You wanna give it a shot? - Maybe try and design the logo? - Uh, totally.
Cool.
That would be great.
Can you do a couple mock-ups and I'll take a look? - Yeah.
Thank you.
- Thank you very much.
- Cool.
- Okay.
Yeah, I'm gonna do some mock-ups and then turn those into thumbnails.
Maybe do some, uh, splash frames.
I don't know what I'm talking about, but I'm excited.
And the last guy says, no, Harry Body.
You know I have heard it before.
Well, it's still very good.
I bet I know someone who hasn't heard that joke.
Your daugther Emily.
How's she doing? She's great.
Thanks for asking.
Great memory, by the way.
She gonna be, like, 11 this winter? They grow up so fast.
I have a few of my own that I want someday.
I don't wanna take any more of your time, you're a busy man.
The reason we have stopped by is to drop you off this elaborate bag of goodies.
And to ask you to reconsider.
Oh, okay.
Okay? Okay! So you'll reconsider? Okay, thanks for the goodies.
Is that all you have to say? It looks delicious? I don't know.
You don't know? Look We want you back.
Can you offer lower prices? - Well, no.
- Then we're not coming back.
- He's not coming back.
It's over.
- No, it's not.
- No, he's right.
- Accept it, why would he come back? Why would he come back? I'll tell you, Dwight.
He would come back because we offer a wide selection of products, and you're not getting the same customer service that you get with us, are you? That's not gonna change his mind.
He's moving on.
We had our chance and we killed it.
Look We're also coming out with a website soon.
It's a staf-the-art thing.
It'll be up and running.
It's gonna cut costs and it will make ordering much easier.
Well, okay.
Well, when it's up, i'll check it out and if it really cuts costs, maybe we'll come back.
Great.
The magic of the gift basket.
That I don't care about as much.
Let me know when the site's up.
Okay.
Good.
Don't let Emily have any of the almonds.
She's allergic.
Proceed straight.
Well, we're 0 for 6.
Last chance is the Elmhurst Country Club.
Other side of the lake on the southeast side.
I don't get it.
I really don't get it.
I thought this would work.
I threw everything I had at that guy, nothing.
That's how it goes sometimes, you know? You lose everything, and everything falls apart.
And eventually you die and no one remembers you.
That is a very good point.
Make a right turn.
Wait, wait! No, no.
It means bear right.
- Right there.
- No, it said right.
It said, take a right.
No, no, look.
It means go up to the right, bear right over the bridge and hook up with 307.
Maybe it's a short cut.
It said, go to the right.
It can't mean that.
- It's a lake there! - It knows where it's going! - This is the lake! - The machine knows.
Stop yelling at me! No, it's up there! There's no road here! Remain calm.
I have trained for this.
Okay.
Exit the window! - Here we go.
- Make a U-turn.
If possible.
Look out for nature! Michael! Are you okay? Swim for it! I got you! I got you! Michael! Let go.
Let go off me! I've got you! I've got you! Come on! Come on! You sure you're okay? Fine.
Good.
That is what's most important.
Did you get the rental insurance? 'Cause that is pretty important too at a time like this.
What a disaster.
This whole thing.
I'll call a cab.
These people just don't realize what a gift basket means.
They don't get it.
Look, still works.
Old fashioned cell phone.
Yeah.
What about that last guy, Aaron? Is he a jerk I don't even know if I want it.
Their website, so easy.
Yeah, well, you can have your technology, jackass.
- Look where it got us.
- Yes, we need a cab at Lake Scranton.
At the end of East Mountain Road.
- In the lake.
- Hang up.
You know what we're gonna do? We're walking back.
We're walking back to that office.
And we are going to re-claim our gift basket! We're going to take what's rightfully ours.
We're gonna take a stand, Dwight.
- We're gonna take a stand! - Take a stand! So plays on the infinity thing without being obvious Yeah, definitely.
I'd love to do, like, a color version.
Just bring a little color I like it a lot.
It's clear and subtle at the same time.
It's really good.
You've a real talent for this.
- Thanks.
- I'd love to talk to you about it more.
- That'd be great.
- Do you wanna go out to dinner tonight? - Oh, is it - Wear something nice.
- No.
- What? - I just wanted to have dinner.
- I'm sorry.
I'm dating Jim.
You're kidding.
We're together.
That's great.
That's awesome.
Yeah, great.
- So let me - Yeah.
- Let me look at these.
- Okay, great.
Great.
I guess he can't get any girl he wants.
Do you forget something? What happened to you guys? Give it back.
The gift basket.
Give it back.
- What is this? - It's real simple.
If you don't appreciate what we do, then give us back our basket.
Maybe you should leave.
Yeah, maybe we should.
Maybe we should leave.
Come on, let's leave.
But before we leave, my wet friend and I are gonna wait for our cabs on your nice couches! Can you call us a cab, please? I'm gonna-- Oh, sorry! - Look.
- My clothes are so wet.
Nice leather.
My shoes are so muddy! All right, here you go.
Take it back! - It's open.
- Yeah, it was mine.
What's missing? The turtles.
Where are the turtles? Come on.
Get out of here! Where are the turtles?! - Where are they? - I've an announcement to make.
We seem to be missing a box of chocolate turtles with pecans.
And we will not be leaving the premise until we obtain them.
Hand over the turtles now! I ate them, okay? I ate the turtles.
They're gone! We'll bill you.
May I have your attention, please? This office will not be using any new technology ever, starting now.
That is not correct.
Ryan thinks that technology is the answer.
Well, guess what? I just drove my car into a lake.
- You did what? - I drove my car into a f*ing lake.
Why, you may ask, did do this? Well because of a machine.
A machine told me to drive into a lake.
And I did it.
I did it because I trusted Ryan's precious technology.
- And look where it got me.
- Into a lake.
Exactly.
Did you get any clients back? Maybe.
Maybe not.
Time will tell.
But I will tell you one thing, those gift baskets never endanger anybody's lives.
Game, set, match.
Point.
Scott.
Game over.
End of game.
Everyone always wants new things.
Everybody likes new inventions, new technology.
People will never be replaced by machines.
In the end, life and business are about human connections.
And computers are about trying to murder you in a lake.
And to me, the choice is easy.