The Office (US) Episode Scripts

N/A - Business Trip

Did you know that in Morocco it is common to exchange a small gift when meeting somebody for the first time? In Japan, you must always commit suicide to avoid embarrassment.
In Italy, you must always wash your hands after going to the bathroom.
This is considered to be polite.
Why are you telling us this? I am jetting off on an international business trip.
- Where you going? - To Canada.
- Where is it? - Canada.
My boss is sending me abroad to do a presentation to an international client.
And I have always been intrigued by all things international The women, the pancakes, the Man of Mystery Meredith, I'd like you to pretend that you are from Abu Dhabi.
I am ashamed at your naked face.
I must cover it with my jacket.
You are now sexy in your culture.
Episode: 5x07 "Business Trip" (1.
00) T- minus One more week.
Pam comes back from New York next week and everyone here has just been so excited for me.
And involved.
And intrusive.
And weird.
One more week! - Do you have your passport? - I have my passport.
- Got your per diem? - I have my per diem.
I already know what I am going to spend this on.
I'm going to buy a sweater.
Michael That's for your food.
I'll use different money for that.
I was happy to send Michael on this trip.
He's been feeling pretty down since we had to transfer Holly up to New Hampshire and But this little perk really seemed to turn him around.
And it's pretty tough to find somebody who wants to go up to Winnipeg mid-November.
And business class air, like a five-star hotel in the sky, nothing but the best.
Actually, better than a five-star hotel 'cause you get a big, cushy seat and you sit in a row of people.
And to eat, whatever the mind can imagine.
I think I am going to have a filet with mushroom sauce.
Well, I'm just glad you're happy, 'cause, you know, I felt bad.
Well, that is all the past.
And in terms of nightlife, when you get there, just ask the concierge.
They have one of those? Let's do this! - Why do you need three suitcases? - Two are empty for souvenirs.
- You have your money belt? - I do.
It is right here.
You want to wear that puppy right up on the breastbone like a bra.
- I don't want to wear a bra.
- Let me help you.
Stop it! You want to get robbed in a foreign country? - I wash my hands of this.
- OK.
Where's my translator? Ici, monsieur.
I'm just bidding a bon voyage à la mon petite fiancée.
Translation: Good-bye, my petite fiancée.
- Be good.
- I will try.
- Meaning what? - Meaning I will try to get other dudes laid.
That's what I'm talking about.
That could be you if you hadn't forgotten french.
Where is my numbers man? - Here.
- There we go! Our town car awaits.
- It's just a van.
- It's not just a van.
I know my way around a van.
That is just a van.
Dwight, could you get those, please? Welcome to Cribs, the Business class edition.
Check this out.
Mimosa.
- Sweet! - Handed it to me.
As I sat down.
This was my hot towel.
It is still wet.
Michael G.
Scott, rollin' like a pimp! Take a sip of that.
That good? Don't drink all of it.
Give some to Oscar.
That's really good.
You want one? I can hook you up.
- You'll need to keep moving.
- Yes, this is Beth.
This is my personal valet, slash flight attendant, and she'll be helping me this morning.
We need to keep the aisle clear.
- Get back, come on.
- All right.
Get back to the slums! Oh, boy.
Hey, guys.
Check it out.
My own personal dvd player and 20 movies.
Andy brought one, too.
Harry and the Hendersons.
Keep it down.
I made egg salad sandwiches.
Do you want one? Could you have picked something stinkier to bring on a plane? My God, Oscar.
Really? Do you have a bag of baby poop, too, to share with everybody? No, I'll be ordering my own food.
Thank you very much.
I'd like to see a menu, please.
I'm sorry, there are no meals on flights less than two hours.
Doesn't matter, because I am going to take a nap.
I think I'm going to use my complimentary blindfold.
I will don it And Look at that.
I can't see because I am in a And what would you like to drink? Just checking out where I'm gonna be pretty soon.
When Pam gets back.
Gonna be close quarters.
Gonna be a lot of tension.
For you.
I'm with Darryl.
This looks like where I'll probably do my push-ups every day.
Is that supposed to impress me? Not gonna happen.
He has hurt me too much and too often and I am in a healthy relationship now.
So, I'm not gonna flaunt it, I'm not gonna hurt him, but that door is closed.
What are we doing? This is so wrong.
This is nice! Move in here.
Very sweet.
I'll check us in.
Very cool! We are gonna find out where the action is, my friend.
Where's the concierge? Wallace said there would be one of those.
Bingo.
Follow moi, bro-sieur.
What about a nice sushi place? Maybe a place with a view? Matsuki.
That's a good one.
You may walk there if you wish or you may take the number 17 bus until 9:00.
Other than that, you can take the taxi and the number is right there.
I'm blown away by this.
This is great.
Thank you.
One final question.
Where might you find yourself on a Winnipeg night like tonight? The Huntsman is good.
Down here.
The financial district.
A concierge is the Winnipeg equivalent of a geisha.
This is a woman who has been trained in the fine art of fanciness and pleasure.
And when you meet one, it is intoxicating.
Just what the doctor ordered.
Can't believe this.
- Are you sure? - I just talked to my advisor.
Failing.
- I thought you were good at Flash.
- I was.
And then they switched to Acrobat just as I was learning Quark.
I hate computers.
It's no big deal.
So you're not a computer geek.
I have to stay and retake it.
That means another 12 weeks.
Can you do another 3 months of this? It's not about me.
I mean, this is your dream.
And you went to New York to do this.
So when you come back, you come back the right way.
Right? Right.
You OK? My cell battery's low, so I have to let you go.
- Love you.
Bye.
- Love you too.
Guys.
She's sitting there.
Engaging wings.
I'm probably gonna leave after one drink.
Yeah, with a hot slab of canadian bacon in your hand.
Excuse me.
Concierge Marie.
Michael Scott.
- Good to see you again.
- Good to see you.
This is my associate from Dunder Mifflin.
- Oscar Martinez.
- Nice to meet you.
Works in accounting.
This is concierge Marie.
Who works at our hotel.
You look how you say, radiant tonight.
And it is how you say, a beautiful night.
Michael, why? She's foreign.
I am For Madame et monsieur.
- Thank you.
- You're very welcome.
- Thank you, Andy.
- Thank you! Let me get a picture of you guys.
Everybody's going to end up dying someday, and I think it's better to die with some people that you like Like Oscar, and Andy, and concierge Marie Than to know that there's somebody out there that you love that you're not with.
All right.
I've scoped out the joint.
Those two dudes are as good as naked.
How do you even know they're gay? Come on! It's Dandy Dale and Foppy McGee over there.
Mademoiselle! Beer me dos Long Island Iced Teas, s'il vous plaît.
Bad decision in a glass.
I don't care if you're gay, straight, engaged whatever.
A guy needs intercourse.
You will thank me when they spank thee.
Don't do this! - You guys like apples? - What? Do you like apples? - Sorry, what - How do you like these apples? All right, on a scale of 1 to 10.
How hot is that dude? Is he your boyfriend or something? But he could be yours if you play your cards right.
Dude.
Leave us alone, right? Gentlemen.
- What are you doing? - Dude, you struck out.
They're totally stuck-up.
Here, drink up.
How about this one? It's Christmas Eve and everything is closed, and you need to get some dry cleaning done.
What do you do? What do you do? Come on.
What do you do? Astro Cleaners on St.
James Place is the only place that is open on that day.
Unbelievable.
- If you don't mind me asking - Anything.
You can ask me anything.
I'm your wingman.
It's just that, I've sat next to Angela for a very long, very long time.
Right-o.
How could anyone stand that woman? - What? - What do you see in her? - What do you see in Angela? - What do I see in Angela? I wanna know.
I see through a hard exterior to a little jelly in the middle.
She is teaching me to be a better person.
And she's working really hard on that.
And she has the softest skin I've ever seen and I can't wait to have sex with her.
You haven't had sex? Are you guys waiting to get married, or? Honestly, I don't know what we're waiting for.
- Something's wrong with that woman.
- What is wrong with her? I'd like to know.
You should call and ask.
I'd like to know what's wrong.
I should call her and ask her.
What is wrong with her? Do it.
Call her.
Oh my god, don't call her Andy.
- Don't call her.
- Too late.
Too late, it's dialing.
Now it's ringing.
- Hello? - What is wrong with you? - Why won't you do Andy? - What? Oscar wants to know why you won't do me, and I think it's a valid question.
- Are you drunk? - This is Andy Bernard.
- I know who this is.
- I wanna take you to sex school.
- What? - Who is that, monkey? Is somebody there? Are you drunk? - I have needs.
- We will discuss this later.
- Naked.
- What? We'll discuss it later naked.
I want to see you naked.
Do you wanna get some breakfast or something? I'm so tired.
- How does everyone know already? - Know what? Pam failed art school.
- Doesn't surprise me.
- Excuse me? Have you seen her painting, Jim? The building? There are shadows coming from two different directions.
What? Are there two suns? Come on Last I checked, that's not an office building in the Andromeda galaxy.
I'm gonna grab a cup of coffee.
It's totally unrealistic.
No lines in the parking lot.
- That was fun last night.
- Yeah, it was.
You know, it's true what they say Long Island Iced Teas are way stronger in Canada.
- Thanks for trying to hook me up.
- You kiddin' me? It's what I do.
Get the whole nine 'Nards.
I can't believe we called her up.
Totally.
Who? I'm talking about Angela.
I can't believe we called her up last night.
We called Angela? You called her.
That was real? I thought I dreamed that.
- Oh, god! - All right.
Oh, god! So bad.
- Morning, Michael.
- Are you ready for the meeting? Slept like a baby.
- This can't happen again.
- This has to happen again.
Darryl can't happen again.
Look at me.
Do you want me to do more push-ups? You have to break up with Darryl.
I already typed out a text message for you.
All you have to do is press "send.
" I don't know.
I mean - it's well-written and all, I just - Has to be done.
We'll press "send" together.
- My god.
He's gonna kill us.
- I'd like to see him try.
He says it's cool.
- He said, "it's cool!" - That's all he wrote? - That's all he wrote.
- Can I see it? - Didn't you two date for a long time? - This is like a fairy tale! I'll be honest with you, we've been talking with Catalyst Paper.
Their prices are better than yours.
Look, people continue to come back to us time and time again because they feel cared for here.
They feel respected and they feel that their needs matter.
They are treated like human beings.
- Everything OK? - Yes.
Man, she's so pissed.
She's taking us back to first base.
What's first base with Angela? I get to kiss her forehead.
I had a good time hangin' out this weekend.
I had a good time, too.
Wingman for life.
- W.
M.
F.
L.
- Thank you.
You up for a chest bump? Bro hug? Back to basics.
I like it.
I had to go all the way to Canada to get to know a guy who sits 20 feet away from me.
And he's delightful! I just heard you guys made the sale.
- Yeah, we locked him up for 2 years.
- Good, very good.
See, told you.
Sounds like somebody had a good trip.
No, actually, the trip sucked.
- Excuse me? - The trip sucked, David.
It blew chunks.
It was terrible.
It was a bad trip.
- What are you talking about? - I did not like the trip.
Well Starting with the airport shuttle, which was basically just a van.
And business class, which was basically just coach.
- And the hotel which sucked big time.
- The hotel? What, M - It was not It sucked.
- I'm sorry to hear the hotel was bad.
And thanks for the tip on the concierge.
That was great.
That was great.
That was - That was a really good choice.
- Please, listen for a second.
No, David, you listen to me.
Why did you send her away? That God! You knew I liked her and you just sent her away.
And that - That was a sucky thing to do, man.
- Michael, - sometimes - That was a really sucky thing to do.
Sometimes we Why have I stayed at Dunder Mifflin for so long? Certainly not because of the paycheck.
'Cause I could be making more money as a doctor or a professional athlete.
I think it's because they respect me.
A boss that will not fire you even though you just tell him off right to his face over the phone That's respect.
You did it, man.
Day one.
Congrats.
Thanks, man.
I'm coming back the wrong way.
It's not because of you.
I don't like graphic design.
That's it.
Stop smiling.
I really didn't like it.
It's just designing logos and stuff.
And I missed Scranton.
But it is not because I missed you.
I just really wanted to come home.
And I know you said to come home the right way, but you can't tell me what to do.
- Got it? - I missed you.
I missed you, too.
You're back.
Good.
I need you to make five copies of these.
I'm not going inside.
All right.
First thing in the morning, then.
Welcome back.
- We're back together again, baby.
- We're back.
They tried to keep us apart, but they couldn't.
It was like destiny.
I realized that, for whatever reason, I just couldn't do better than Kelly.