The Wrong Girl (2016) Episode Scripts

N/A - Episode 1

1 (QUIRKY SYNTHPOP INTRO TO 'GIRL U WANT' BY DEVO) (CARD READER BEEPS) (HORN TOOTS) SONG: She sings from somewhere you can't see - She sits in the top - (PHONE RINGS) of the greenest tree She sends out an aroma of undefined love It drips on down in a mist from above She's just the girl, she's just the girl The girl U want - Oi! Stop! - She's just the girl She's just the girl The girl U want (MUTTERS) Oh, bloody hell.
('GIRL U WANT' CONTINUES) Oh! RECORDED P.
A.
ANNOUNCEMENT: In the interests of passenger safety, please refrain from running on the platforms or in the station area.
Dale! Don't let Sasha check her email, phone or computer.
- Create a crisis if you have to.
- Got it.
She's just the girl The girl U want Have you received a software update on your phone? - No.
- Good.
Don't touch it.
It's got a bug that will crash the whole system.
She's just the girl, she's just the girl The girl U want She's just the girl, she's just the girl The girl U want - Nooo! - I need your iPad too.
- The girl U want - Ugh! She's just the girl, she's just the girl All over the world, there is one very common theme, and - Did you just get home? - God, I stink.
And yet I like it.
- Do you want to smell me? - No.
How do I look? What look are you going for? Is it CEO of a paper supply firm or waiter? What do you think? ('I GOT THE MOVES' BY HABIBI) SONG: I got the moves when you see me on a Saturday night I got the moves, jukebox playing and the music's alright I got the moves Hey, hey, I think I do Done.
(KISSES) - Good luck.
- Thanks.
- (LIFT BELL DINGS) - I got the moves Hey, hey, I think I do - Good morning, Paula.
- Morning, Lily.
- How are you, Rex? - REX: Morning, Lily.
You take my hand Shimmy, shimmy Now he's holding me tight - Hey, Lily.
- Val.
Morning.
DALE: Morning, Lily.
It's not news.
She has 60 million Instagram followers.
Anything Taylor says is news.
You can't judge newsworthy moments from the number of likes.
How else are you supposed to judge them? OK, you guys know the drill.
New segments need to have some degree of longevity, something you can put a spin on each week.
- A feature-length political story? - That's a good idea.
In addition to our regular news updates? - Yes, in addition.
- No.
No surprise there.
Good luck.
We want something bigger, something more interactive.
Lily, clearly you've been preparing something.
Do you know who does most of the world's work? - Indians.
- Google.
No, Facebook.
No.
Women.
Women do 66% of the world's work.
Even at Google, 'cause I'm pretty sure that's mainly men.
It's not about Google or Facebook, it's about women around the world and the amount of actual physical work they do.
So I'm thinking we look at women around the world and compare them on a number of indices, including how much work they do, what they eat, what they buy.
It'll be fast.
Bang! This is how much I earn.
Bang! This is what I eat.
Bang! This is who I live with.
Bang! This is depressing.
So you think if we do a different country each week? And we could compare them to Australian women.
Could we bring in a beauty component, perhaps looking at different cultural views of beauty? - We can do that.
- Or make-up.
And how different cultures use make-up differently.
I like that.
I wouldn't want the focus to be beauty or make-up.
It's more about power and work.
You got any sponsors interested? I've spoken to a couple of Australian fashion labels and they love the idea.
How interested? Will they put money on the table? Not immediately.
Right.
Um, let's see what else we have.
- Nikkii? - (SIGHS) This guy.
Jack Winters.
A chef.
Cooks simple, honest food.
He says "Man Tong Noodles" twice, we have a sponsor on board.
The segment pays for itself.
Boom! Slam dunk.
Totally hot, totally manly, just opened a new restaurant.
SASHA: Is he interested in being on network television? Well, I've put out a few feelers and the answer is a resounding "Yes, please!" (CHUCKLES) Lily, I'd like you to work with Nikkii.
Help her get this over the line.
I'll have a talk to upstairs, see what deal we can do with him.
Dale.
You're welcome, babe.
So you've got "Man Tong Noodles" on board? - What do you mean? - Are they going to sponsor the segment? How do I know? (CARD READER BEEPS) LILY: Hi.
I'm heading home.
I'm probably going to kill myself, but before I do, can you just meet me on the train in Footscray in about five? - MAN: Sure.
- Thanks.
('GOLD SNAFU' BY STICKY FINGERS) SONG: For some this is all a game Don't take me just a fool Won't you just stay on the phone Faking smiles and acting all the cool - Hey.
- Hey.
Didn't go well, then? - You wanna talk about it? - No.
Look at how that guy is sitting.
He's taking up about five seats.
Well, technically, it's only really two.
No, it shits me.
Did he pay for two seats? No, he didn't.
Doesn't matter.
Train's empty.
- What are you? - Shhh.
- Put your phone away.
- Shhh.
Lily - (PHONE CAMERA CLICKS) - Lily.
- What are you doing? - MAN: What's going on here? Can I check your ticket, please? No, because I forgot to bring it.
And I have a very good reason, which I'm happy to explain.
No, please don't.
SONG: You can call me when you're all alone, darling So to sum things up, you completely blew your pitch.
Yeah.
And now you're forced to produce a cooking segment, even though you can't cook.
Well, she's not actually doing the cooking.
Shh! Have no interest in cooking.
And you have to work with someone who you don't respect and who doesn't respect you.
Mmm.
I'm not sure that she doesn't respect me.
I think we can safely assume that she doesn't.
Well, let's not go too far.
- I can't eat.
- (PHONE TRILLS) Oh, God.
It's an email from Sasha.
I can't read it.
Can you read it to me? (READS) "I'd like you all to welcome Jack Winters to 'The Breakfast Bar'.
"Jack is a dynamic and forward-thinking chef "who reflects the current culture of food "that is both healthy and delicious.
" Sounds like a monster.
- Resign and be done with it.
- (CHUCKLES) Auf Wiedersehen, losers.
And in case that's not clear enough, please send my fond farewell to the new chef, who I have no doubt is a monstrous piece of conceited turd.
Thank God I'll never have to eat that shit sandwich.
- (LAUGHS) - (LAUGHS) I know I'm taking this badly, but Sasha never goes for my ideas.
I'm trying to think of an upside.
There isn't one.
I'm not climbing up the career ladder, I am falling down, down, down.
I have all these amazing ideas and no-one wants them.
You don't think you're catastrophising? No.
The reality is the only place I'd probably do well - is in porn.
- Why would you do well in porn? So you don't even think I could crack it there? Well, seeing as you've never even watched porn, then I think you wouldn't be that great at producing it.
I've watched tons of porn.
Foreign films are not considered porn.
If everyone in the film is naked, it's porn.
Let's just leave that one alone, shall we? What if this is it for me, Pete? What if no-one ever goes for my ideas and I just fumble along until I'm old and alone and maybe even really, really fat? And then I die.
And then my pet, maybe a dog, maybe a parrot, mistakes my fat, bulging face for a pile of juicy yet strangely pale sausages.
Well, even when you're old and fat and you have no face, I'll still be your friend.
That's beautiful.
(KISSES) Why did you do that? I don't know.
('YOU'RE THE BEST' BY WET PLAYS SOFTLY) Kiss me again.
Lily Ahh.
Is is that what you want? - Kiss me back.
- (GASPS) Are you sure you wanna do this? We've been friends for a really long time.
SONG: Or is she in me And all the rest Well, baby, you're the best We'll figure out the rest And maybe it's a test I think we'd better quit While we're ahead (LILY SIGHS) Who was the last person you had sex with before me? - No way.
- What? I know this is a trap.
I don't know what sort, but it's a trap.
What are you talking about? We're best friends.
We can tell each other anything.
Oh, I I don't want to tell you about this.
Why? Because these conversations always end badly.
Come on.
Tell me.
It was, er, a woman at work.
A one-night stand? No, but it was pretty casual.
- Did you like her? - Yeah.
But it was never going anywhere, you know? It was just a sex thing from her point of view.
And what about from your point of view? I like her, but, you know, she thinks I'm too young.
How old is she? She's 42.
She's gorgeous.
Just got something about her.
It's you know, it's difficult to describe.
She kind of fascinates me, you know? - Are you serious? - What? Why are you telling me about this woman? Because you asked.
Have you thought for a second, for a millisecond, how this might make me feel? - Now I am.
- Good! - Er, I didn't know you felt this way.
- Well, I do.
I thought we were just friends having fun.
I didn't realise it meant more to you.
- Oh, no.
Don't you start that.
- What? Don't you even attempt to excuse your bad behaviour by implying that I'm in love with you.
No, I'm not saying that.
But you're so hurt.
I'm not hurt, I'm appalled, which is a very different thing.
And if you don't understand the difference between being hurt and being appalled, then you have no insight into the human condition and I can only assume that you are a heavily disguised narcissist.
Just go home.
Knew this conversation would end badly.
And as I predicted it has.
SONG: Hold on, I just got to let you know That I'm calling your mystery I hope that this moment's not for show - If only you could see that - (DOOR CLOSES) Oh, well, I've got the fever now Oh, well, it's made me a believer (ALARM BLARES, BUZZING) - (PHONE BEEPS) - ('GIRL U WANT' BY DEVO) Oh, no.
RECORDED P.
A.
ANNOUNCEMENT: In the interests of passenger safety, please refrain from running on the platforms or in the station area.
Dale! Have you received a software update on your phone? No.
- No! - I need your iPad too.
Come in.
She's just the girl, she's just the girl The girl U want She's just the girl, she's just the girl Did she fire you? I have to apologise to the chef.
I would consider that a win.
And get him back on board to do our segment of the show.
He'll never do it.
Why do you say that? Because you called him a turd.
How do you know that? How does everybody know that? Because Sasha told me and I told everyone else.
Why, why, why would you do that? Because I thought it was funny.
Clearly I misjudged it, I can tell that from your face.
Don't be angry at me.
Oh, well Yep.
Dale, why do you do this job? Because one day, news will be dead.
No-one will care, no-one will mourn it except for me, so I want to be there the day it dies.
I want to bear witness to its death and I want to feel proud I tried, however fruitlessly, to keep it alive.
Dale, is there only one 'I' in Kardashian? Yes.
Yes, there is.
Yes! (SNIFFS) Hello.
Jack? - Yes.
Hello.
- Hi.
I'm Lily Woodward.
You may know me from a poorly worded email that I sent you at 7:10 this morning.
- Come with me.
- Thank you.
I want to say very clearly that it doesn't reflect my feelings about you nor the level of respect that I have for you.
I want to apologise as sincerely as possible Shh.
OK.
Thank you.
It I'm getting the impression you read the email.
Yep.
(MILK FROTHER HISSES) Um, what time do you want me in tomorrow? If you want me in early, it's no big deal.
Well, it's whatever's on the roster.
OK.
(LAUGHS) (WOMAN CHUCKLES) Hey, you know this us isn't going anywhere? - What? - You know what I mean.
Maybe we can take it somewhere.
Oh, you know that I don't want a boyfriend, so Yeah, especially one I work with.
(BELL CHIMES) I'll get it.
OK, so you've been to the chef's restaurant, you've Facebooked him, you've emailed him, you've called him.
- Yes.
- Have you texted him? 16 times.
And he hasn't replied to any of them? No.
- Why is he taunting you like this? - Mmm! I don't know.
He's turning you into a stalker.
- He's forcing you to stalk him.
- I know.
Let me see if I can find out what he likes to do.
I did it with Pete last night.
Did what? - Ahh.
How was it? - Disastrous.
Really? I always thought that Pete would be quite good at sex.
The sex was fine, but then he told me he's been shagging someone else.
I think I missed part of the story, why was it a disaster? He's been shagging someone else.
- Big deal.
Be grateful for the back-up.
- (CLICKS KEYBOARD) Mmm, from what I can tell, the chef spends most of his time cooking, running, swimming, doing yoga and meditating.
Yeah, see, that actually sickens me.
- Mm-hm.
- Aha! (GASPS) I found you.
(CLICKS AWAY) And I know where you're gonna be tonight.
Quick, Simone, lend me a dress.
I'm going out.
Oh! Yeah.
(SIREN WAILS, MUSIC POUNDS FROM INSIDE) (READS) "Huge line.
"You've worked at every club in the city.
How do I get in?" (MESSAGE DELIVERY BEEP) Busy night, huh? I got a call you guys needed more lemons urgently.
Cool.
Have a good night.
(LAUGHS) (MUSIC PLAYS) What's your most expensive champagne? - Bollinger.
- I'll take two glasses of that.
- That's $45.
- What?! OK, changing the order.
Two glasses of your cheapest champagne.
(CHUCKLES) This is for you.
Bollinger.
Oh.
Please, enjoy.
You're planning on following me into the toilet? - If I have to.
Wow.
- What do you want? - I want you to come and do our show.
- Why? Tell me in 20 words or less why I should do it.
Because if you don't, I will lose my job.
That's only nine.
Dammit.
Don't make it about you.
Do I have 11 words left or do I still have 20? Hundreds of thousands of people watch our show every week.
- And we can make you famous.
- I don't care about being famous.
You have 146,000 Instagram followers.
- I think you care a little bit.
- Don't tell me what I care about.
What's important to me is food and our relationship to food.
And our show can only enhance that.
We'll give you a new and receptive audience that are always on tap and always on your side.
There's one thing that bothers me, and when I say, "One thing," - I mean, "One more thing.
" - What? I wanna work with someone who has a passion for food.
Oh, that's me! I I have a real passion for food.
- What's your favourite cuisine? - Lean.
Uh, I'm sorry, I panicked.
What country's food do you most like? - Um - You honestly can't think of one? I just don't know what country toasted sandwiches come from.
I'm sorry, I don't trust you.
Well, come and do one show with us and if you can't work with me, I'll resign and you'll never have to deal with me again.
Sounds perfect.
(SIGHS) What a knob.
Hey, come in.
Oh, yeah, thanks.
It's my house.
Simone? Simone! (GRUNTS) Hey, I invited some friends back after work.
You alright? Did you talk to Pete? I think my friendship with Pete is over.
Maybe he told you about the other woman because he wants to bring another woman into the relationship.
Which is only a win for you, we all get sick of the penis.
No, he doesn't want to bring another woman into the relationship.
Firstly, there is no relationship.
And if there was, he's actually saying he wants someone else instead of, not in addition, to me.
- Why do you care? - I don't care.
I just I think it's I think it's poor form, that's all.
Don't have sex with me if you're thinking about someone else.
Sounds like you care a bit.
Do you think I wanna be with Pete? Well, do you? No No.
I just I guess I wanted him to wanna be with me.
So you could reject him? No.
No, no, no, no.
I I've had enough of men.
No more men.
I'm sick of them.
I'll join you.
No more men.
Do you wanna come and do some shots? No.
I'm going to bed.
I'll do some for you.
You do that.
(SIGHS) (MAN SNORES) (SHOWER RUNS) (MAN YAWNS) (UNZIPS FLY) Oi! Oi.
(ZIPS FLY) Oh! What are you doing? Get out! Sorry, I think I misread the situation.
Get out.
- What can I get you? - Decaf soy latte.
- I'm not making it.
- (SCOFFS) What? - I'm not making it.
- Why? Because this is a coffee shop, we serve coffee.
And coffee, by definition, is caffeinated.
I'll make you a coffee, I'll make you any sort of coffee you want, I'll even concede to a coffee made with soy milk, but I will not make a coffee that contains no caffeine because that is not coffee.
- I'll make it.
- (SNIGGERS) (LIFT DOOR PINGS) Ah! Hello and welcome! - Is it Nikkii? - Yes, it is.
Hi.
- And I've met Lily.
- LILY: Hello.
Good to see you.
Uh, so what we thought we'd do is just a very, very casual rehearsal and just walk you through the steps of the cooking segment.
Fine.
Now, what usually happens is that you have an earpiece and we talk you through what's going on.
So who would you feel more comfortable hearing from, Lily or me? Or should we just let the universe work it out? Oh! Now, I've got a few ideas I'd like to talk through with you.
My feeling is, as it's your first time on air, you don't have to say too much, we can focus on Nikkii.
I'd rather hear from Nikkii.
What? Well, I'm flattered.
The universe did work it out.
- (CHUCKLES) - It wasn't the universe.
OK, it's this way, Jack.
He needs to be well-rehearsed, so take as much time as you need.
Get him used to having someone in his ear.
(EXHALES) I'm all over it.
Keep him happy.
He is.
He's very happy.
Phew.
Need to get that table fixed.
Got a wonky leg.
- Oh, I can fix it.
- I don't need you fixing my furniture.
(PUTS DOWN KEYS) Hey, do you want to go outside, have a bit of kick-to-kick? Oh, I'm shattered, Dad.
You're always bloody shattered.
You're soft! Hey, um, I'm gonna put a couple of steaks on.
- Happy with that? - Yeah.
Hey, get Lily over.
She's always fun.
Uh, no, she's busy tonight, Dad.
- I like her more than I like you.
- (SIGHS) (READS) "Will I still come to dinner with your parents?" LILY: Up to you.
(SIGHS) - WOMAN: Darling.
- MAN: Thanks, Lil.
Thanks, Mum.
- Love you.
- Hi, guys, sorry I'm late.
I was working but thought I'd drop in for a drink.
Happy birthday, mate, good to see you.
- Hi, Mimi.
- Good.
You? - Tony, how's things? - Hey, Pete, how's your dad? - Yeah, he's good.
- Grab a seat.
- How's work, Lil? - It's good.
I've been given a cooking segment to produce.
- Really? - Oh! - That is wonderful! - Pete doesn't think much of it.
Or me, for that matter.
He thinks I'd struggle to produce porn.
(LAUGHS) Are you planning to produce porn? Mmm.
It might well come to that.
Oh, right.
OK, Pete, how's your love life? Uh, yeah, nothing much to report, Mimi.
My advice to you, Pete, is enjoy yourself before you get married, have as much fun as you can.
Thanks, Tony.
Yeah, it's good advice.
I'm trying to.
(LAUGHS) Oh, really? Is that what you're doing? Well, you know, I regret not just playing the field a bit more - before I tied the knot.
- Oh, well, made up for it after.
(LAUGHS) So, Vinnie, I heard that you're applying for a job at the Prince hospital.
Yeah.
They, um, called me in for an interview but - And? - Um But I saw their faces when I arrived and I - Oh, you don't know.
- No, I do know.
I got a letter today no job.
- Uh, that's alright.
- Right.
And I have some news for everyone.
I have a new baby.
- Look at it.
- Wow.
- Hey! Oh, is it an electric car? - Yes, indeed.
Wow! But how much did that cost? - VINNIE: Mum - What? - I'm just asking how much it costs.
- It doesn't matter, Mum.
Darling, please don't infer that I'm behaving badly when the only person behaving badly here is your father.
- Oh, here we go.
- I mean Seriously, how many midlife crises do you plan to have? You got the implants, screwed your secretary, did paleo, I mean, what is going to happen next? (GASPS) You gonna have a crack at Pete? Hey! Didn't see that comin'.
(LAUGHS) Ah I do not have hair implants.
(HUFFS) Come on, Vincent.
- Let's go.
- Fine.
I can do it, Mum, let go of me.
- It's alright, darling.
- See you, mate.
Happy birthday.
VINCENT: Yep.
It's alright, Mum.
- See you, Mimi.
'Bye.
- 'Bye, Pete.
- Have a good night.
- 'Bye.
- See you, Tony.
Stay well.
- See you.
MIMI: I've got you.
- Lily, I don't bag your career.
- You bag everything.
You sneer at anyone who's not living the way you want them to live.
But what about you? You're a brainy guy and you work as a barista.
Yeah, well, I do that to make money.
I'm a music journalist writing a book.
You've been writing that book for four years.
Well, I wanna get it right.
You know the first thing to do to get it right? You could get some letters, make some words and put them down on a piece of paper! - Lily, thanks very much.
- No, when you had no money and you had to sell that PlayStation on eBay, who do you think bought it? I know you want me to say "I don't know," but by asking the question It was #TeamMe.
Please don't say hashtag.
So you're gonna bag the way I argue with you now? No! No, I'm just Hang on, if you bought my PlayStation, then why didn't you give it back to me? 'Cause I started playing it and I actually really liked it.
But the point is I could not have been more supportive of you.
It's been four years because the nature and focus of the work's changed.
How can the evolution of Radiohead change? Well, based on social context That's not a real question! No! It's been four years because you're too scared to commit to anything.
You chop and change and you never have to fail at anything 'cause you never try to do well.
You just wait, in 10 years time, you'll still be working in a coffee shop.
Oh, no, wait, actually, no, you won't because you'll be old and they don't want some fat old guy making their pitsy coffee.
Is this about us hooking up the other night? Because if it is, it really wasn't worth it.
I can't be friends with you anymore.
Um (SIGHS) So, what, you're going to throw away our entire friendship because of one night? One stupid night? (PETE SIGHS) Oh, you're a piece of work.
You alright, mate? Yeah, yeah, just taking in the night.
I'll sit with you for a moment, if that's alright.
I stuffed up, Dad.
I hooked up with Lily and now things are weird.
She doesn't want to see me, she doesn't want to be friends.
I don't know what 'hooked up' means.
Shagged.
Got it.
Well, you stuffed up.
OK, turn Stop.
Why am I doing this tonight? Turn stop.
I don't know, I thought I might wear it tomorrow.
(SIGHS) You like Pete, right? Sure.
I love him.
Turn.
Stop.
I was with Pete the other night.
- Oh, yeah? - No, no.
I wasn't just with him.
- OK.
- (SIGHS) We were Anyway, we were together.
But don't worry, nothing's gonna happen with us.
He likes someone else.
Lil, I don't care about Pete.
I care about you.
What do you want? I just want things to go back to the way they were before.
I said really nasty stuff to him and I didn't mean any of it.
I just said it to hurt him.
(SIGHS) Look, you are a very smart girl.
Just give each other some leeway and then be just a little more generous than you think is fair.
LILY: Hey, you want to meet up? PETE: (SIGHS) Yes.
When? LILY: Tomorrow night? My place? (PHONE CHIMES) (PHONE ALARM BEEPING, BUZZING) So, Hamilton, it's going to be very hot for this time of year today.
Would you say that's a direct result of global warming? HAMILTON: No, Eric, I'd say that's a direct result of the sun's rays hitting the Southern Hemisphere at an acute angle.
This angle you speak of, caused by global warming.
- Nothing to do with it, Eric.
- DALE: Eric, stop talking.
Great work, Eric.
Let's go to Hamilton.
Straight after the weather we're going to the cooking segment.
- Jack, can you hear me? - Ahh.
Yeah, it's loud.
(LOUDLY) Oh, sorry.
- Erica, head over to the kitchen set.
- LILY: OK, Jack.
Now I know that Nikkii talked this through with you yesterday, but let's just go through it one more time.
We'll have your intro on autocue so you can look at that if you need to.
Then Erica's gonna come and ask you some questions.
Those questions won't be on autocue.
Have you got that? OK, if you can't think of things to say, just talk about the origins of the dish.
He knows that.
Did you get him the list of facts about Mexican street food? He knows about Mexican street food.
How do you know? Did he tell you that? WOMAN: OK, we're coming to the kitchen in five four, three, - two - SASHA: Good luck, Jack.
Back to you, have fun in the kitchen, Erica.
I understand we're having tacos today.
Yes, we are, Erica.
One of my favourite quick meals.
- Really good.
- Fantastic.
She's gonna introduce you now to the viewers.
This is Jack, he's our new chef on 'The Breakfast Bar', although a lot of you must be quite familiar with him.
I understand, Jack, that you have 146,000 Instagram followers.
Is that true? JACK: Well, I'm not sure, Erica, but I appreciate every one of them.
Really good.
Make sure you're facing Erica, that's who you're talking to.
JACK: Umm, sorry, I didn't hear your question.
Could you tell us how to make the perfect taco? NIKKII: Make sure you're facing the camera.
Don't face Erica.
The important thing is that the camera can see you.
Urgh, that looked a bit awkward.
Just try and move smoothly but never turn your back - LILY: Stop talking.
- What? Look, you're speaking too much and he can't hear Erica.
Just less is more.
Be quiet.
JACK: Well, Erica, you have to put some love into it.
Don't let the food absorb your stress.
ERICA: I love that attitude in the kitchen.
Don't you love that attitude, Eric? ERIC: Oh, mucho taco.
(ERICA LAUGHS) So If she asks anything you don't know, just talk about the ingredients.
I'm sorry, I didn't hear your question.
- Just talk about an ingredient.
- Let him answer the question.
- He doesn't know it.
- He can't hear it.
Is the foot pain segment ready? Might need to pull it forward.
- Yep.
- Tell her about garlic.
Uh, garlic Garlic is quite an amazing food.
It contains an ingredient called allicin, which is a natural antibiotic.
ERICA: Wow, allicin.
That's fantastic.
Can you tell us how garlic is used in this particular recipe? Garlic's not used in this recipe.
Oh, shit.
- Oh, God, just talk about something else.
- Right.
- Anything! - Ahh! - Oh, are you alright? - Oh, Jesus.
(LAUGHS) I love this show.
Take the headset off.
- Take it off, Nikkii.
- SASHA: Take it off, Nikkii.
OK, Dale, get me some interesting facts about Mexican street food.
Can you just go to a close-up on the food? Stay on that.
Camera four.
SASHA: Keep describing the ingredients.
Jack, it's Lily.
Deep breaths, be calm.
The camera is not on you right now, it's on the food.
What have you got? I want you to listen carefully and repeat after me.
Erica, I can tell you some pretty cool facts about Mexican street food.
JACK: Erica, I can tell you some pretty cool facts about Mexican street food.
I would love to hear some facts about Mexican street food.
The word 'taco' actually means 'light lunch' in Spanish.
Well, taco actually means 'light lunch' in Spanish.
Light lunch? I did not know that.
- The taco was created - Anything else? by the indigenous people of Mexico.
How very interesting.
When the Spanish arrived in Mexico they loved it and renamed it the taco.
ERICA: The taco.
There you go.
Voilà.
Sorry, that's French.
Gracias.
Buen provecho.
Mmm, that's really good.
Thank you so much, Jack.
And four.
The kitchen is closed, thank God.
- ERIC: help you back on your feet.
- Well done.
Coming up next.
MAN: And we're clear.
ERICA: So can anyone tell me what the hell just happened there? Sasha?! - Oh, shit.
- Can they hear me? - The doors.
- Don't worry.
- Sasha, can I speak to you? - She's coming up.
- What do you want me to do, - Sasha! avoid her? Where are you going? - Hi.
- Hi.
I found all that talk really confusing.
You could not ear.
You did well, I mean it.
No-one noticed.
It was actually amazing.
You're a natural.
Bloody hell, what a nightmare.
Tell me what's happening on social media.
- Are we being destroyed? - Well, it's - No, I don't want to know.
- OK.
Tell me.
Yeah, tell me.
I'm ready.
"The new chef is so cute, I feel sorry for him.
" "I wish he'd take his shirt off.
" "Did you see him wince? I hope he's OK.
" "He is HAWT.
" - Well, that's a relief.
- Man, you should be psyched.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR) - Hey.
- Hi.
Um, come in.
You want a coffee or something? No, no.
There's just something I want to talk to you about.
I just wanted to speak with you away from work.
Ahh, yeah, yeah, come in.
(PEOPLE CHATTER) Well, it's it's who I am.
Yeah.
- Do you want Yeah.
- Yeah, that'd be great.
No, thank you.
- You know how we swore off men? - I knew you wouldn't last.
Oh, no, I am lasting.
You got it wrong.
I just wanted dispensation and I'm willing to give you one too.
What exactly are the rules of the dispensation? If we meet someone we really like, we can hook up with them.
Then we're not swearing off men.
- Oh, really, you can't stick to it? - I can stick to it.
I'm just saying it's like saying, "I'm vegetarian except spaghetti bolognese.
" God, don't talk to me about vegetarians.
Everyone hates them and rightly so, I believe.
- I grant you a dispensation.
- And I grant you yours.
I don't even want one.
And yet I'm still willing to give it to you, which shows what a generous person I am.
- You're welcome.
- Thank you.
- (GLASS CLINKING) - NIKKII: Ding, ding.
I just wanted to say a few words.
I wanted to officially welcome Jack.
This morning's segment had a couple of tough moments.
(LAUGHTER) Moments that we've all experienced in live TV.
Experienced? Doesn't she mean created? I think we managed to move through it By panicking and falling to pieces? and create what I think is going to be an awesome segment.
In spite of you being involved in it.
So, Jack, I am very excited to be producing this segment with you and - Well, to Jack.
- ALL: To Jack.
To Jack! Come with me.
Thanks for today.
You really turned it around for me.
It's my job.
Wow.
Let's share it.
I love the thrill of live TV.
It's exciting.
Oh, this is actually beautiful.
That wasn't a cool vibe you sent me in the email.
Bad day at work.
Another idea rejected.
So what's your big dream? I want to make documentaries.
So why aren't you? Because even though I want to make documentaries, no-one seems to want to actually pay me to make documentaries.
What about you? Why did you become a chef? I don't know, I went through some changes a few years ago.
Decided I'd start treating my body differently.
Have more respect for it.
Don't fill it with poison every chance you get.
What was your poison? I wasn't particularly discerning.
So what now? I think I've had my lifetime's entitlement of drugs and alcohol.
Hey, we should get going.
We better get the train.
I'll drop you.
- Are you sure? - Of course.
OK.
Great, um, thanks.
- Can I get a doggie bag for this? - (LAUGHS) - Thanks for the lift.
- Coming in? - I better not.
- Oh, you have to come in.
You need at least one more drink to celebrate.
Not for me.
- Thank you.
- I'll be right back.
That's too much.
(SIGHS) (PHONE CHIMES) PETE: Four reasons you should still be my friend.
One, I'm a mad dancer.
Two, I can kick a goal from 50 metres into the breeze.
Three, I always take you to putt-putt on your birthday even though you know I hate it.
LILY: Where is reason number four? Here.
Sorry, I knocked on the front door, but no-one answered.
I didn't hear it.
I want to go back to how things were.
Do you wish we hadn't crossed that line? No.
No, crossing the line was was perfect.
It made sense at the time.
It felt right.
I remember thinking, "Why hasn't this happened before?" Yeah, I thought that too.
What do you think now? That other woman I told you about, Meredith.
What? She's pregnant.
Oh, Pete.