Looney, Looney, Looney Bugs Bunny Movie (1981) Movie Script

Eh, an Academy
Award winning cartoon short.
Noble knights of the Round Table,
ahem,
ever since the accursed Black Knight
captured our singing sword,
evil times hath befallen us.
Ahem.
One of ye knights
must recover the singing sword.
The Black Knight
has a fire-breathing dragon.
But... but... but the Black Knight
is invincible.
Odsbodkins!
Hath the knights of the Round Table
turned chicken?
Yuk yuk yuk yuk yuk!
Yuk yuk yuk!
Only a fool would go after
the singing sword.
A good idea... fool.
Wha...?
Unless you bring back
the singing sword,
you will be put to the rack,
burned at the stake,
and beheaded.
Be-be-beheaded?
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
Ah-ah-ah-choo!
Ah-choo!
You crazy, idiot, bedraggled dragon!
I warned you about
letting your fire get low.
Now you caught cold.
So this is the singing sword.
Big deal.
I wonder why they call it
the singing sword.
Aah aah aah aah aah aah aah
aah aah aah
drop that sword, varmint!
Quick!
The singing sword's been stolen!
Wake up, you fire-breathing lizard!
Stop breathing on me, you idiot!
Heh heh! That was simple.
Eee! eee! Eee!
Whoa, dragon!
Whoa!
Whoa!
Stupid dragon.
How's the water, doc?
Open that bridge, varmint!
Open it, I say!
Close it! Close it!
Close it up again!
O.K., rabbit,
you forced me to use force.
Hah! hah, dragon!
Hey! hah! Yah, dragon!
Hah, dragon! Hah!
Prepare yourself, rabbit.
I'm a-comin' over the wall.
You'll pay for this, varmint.
Now, uh,
let's see if I remember.
Head down, left arm stiff...
Ah-ah-ah-choo!
Ow!
You idiot.
Ah-choo!
Ah...
Aah! don't sneeze, you stupid dragon,
or you'll blow us to the moon!
ah-ah-ah-choo!
Dragons is so stupid.
Adios! have a nice trip!
Bon voyage! Farewell to thee!
Aah aah aah
aah aah aah aah
aah aah aah aah aah
aah aah
He got an
Oscar, and I got a carrot.
So without further ado, in three acts,
welcome to Friz Freleng's.
Looney Looney Looney Bugs Bunny Movie,
starring... ha ha ha! Little old me.
Eh, what's up, doc?
You're despicable!
Sufferin' succotash!
Ooh! I thought I taw a Puddy Tat!
Th-th-the name's Porky Pig.
Eh, when
Hollywood was just a kid,
the whole world fell in love.
With the wacky and wonderful
slapstick comedy.
It was the time of baggy-pants comics.
And far-out gags.
Then Warner Brothers gave the world.
Merrie Melodies and Looney Tunes.
Friz Freleng and his fellow innovators.
Created some of the zaniest,
looniest characters.
To ever appear on the silver screen,
and the baggy-pants comics was out.
As Charlie Chaplin himself once said,
"how can we compete?
These guys don't have to stop
to take a breath."
Then from the magic pen of Friz Freleng.
Came a warmhearted,
humble, little introvert.
Called Yosemite Sam.
Any one of you Lily-livered,
bowlegged varmints
care to slap leather with me?
In case any of you get any ideas,
you better know who you're dealing with.
I'm the hootingest, tootingest,
shootingest
bobtail wildcat in the west.
I'm the fastest gun north, south, east,
and west of the Pecos.
Well, hello there.
$50 million!
Ooh. hmm.
That widow ought to
get married.
When I get my hands on that money,
I'll buy the old ladies home
and kick the old ladies out.
I'll have the orphans' home torn down,
and I'll get rid
of the police department.
Ha ha ha!
Heh. that evil character's after
that nice old lady's money.
Looks like this boy scout's
going to do his good deed for today.
Ooh! oh, it's chilly in here.
Coming.
Coming.
I want you, baby...
Your eyes, your lips.
Come with me to the Kasbah.
We'll make beautiful music together.
Oh!
Ha ha ha!
Come to papa, baby.
Nothing like this has happened to me
since the boys got back
from Gettysburg.
Oh! oh! Ooh!
Oh! oh, goodness!
Oh, goodness.
Someone's at the door.
Don't go away. I'll be right back.
Aha! I find you, my little pigeon.
Fly with me to Paris.
Ha ha ha!
Oh! hoo hoo! My!
20 years nothing,
and then it all piles up
in one day.
Oh! ha ha ha!
Oh, goodness me!
Oh! oh! Oh!
oh! Hoo hoo hoo!
Eh, what is up, Monsieur le Physicien?
You darn dude!
I'll give you a taste of leather!
Ha! you have insulted great lover.
The Marquis of Queensberry rules.
Take this.
Oh!
Pistols at 10 paces?
You're on.
En garde.
I'm ready.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5,
6, 7, 8, 9, 9 1/2,
9 3/4, 9 3/16, 11/16,
12/16, 10!
Yep. it's right on time.
Ooh, what a night.
Open up!
Open up that door!
Coming.
Coming.
Now I got...
Emma!
Oh, you're cute.
Ha ha ha!
Yahoo!
Ha ha ha!
Oh, my! Ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
Oh, heavens to Betsy!
He's looped!
You'd better sit down
while I fix you
a cup of black coffee.
I'll be back with your coffee
in a jiffy.
Oh, that's too bad.
One or two lumps?
Make it two.
Two? O.K. 1, 2.
Ooh! ha ha ha!
Oh, my!
Here's your coffee. One or two lumps?
Aah!
That's how many!
Oh, he flipped his lid.
Great horny toads! Wait, Emmie!
Wait!
I'm sorry. Open up, Emmie.
Don't you come near me.
Aw, come on, Emmie.
Emmie!
Ooh! you're cute. Let's elope.
O.K. you get to the window.
I'll get a ladder.
I want to take a few things along.
Catch.
That dame's taking everything
but the kitchen sink.
Don't forget the money, Emmie.
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
Well, hello there.
Where am I?
Oh, it's powerful hot in here.
Is this Dallas?
No...
But you're close.
And what is your name,
little man?
It's Yosemite Sam.
Yosemite Sam. Now, let's see.
Yosemite Sam... yosemit... ah!
Here you are. Oh, my.
My goodness.
You have been a bad boy, haven't you?
The... the devil made me do it.
I mean, that rabbit made me do it.
Knock it off, Sam.
I can't stand to see a grown man cry.
I'll stop crying if you send me back.
Hmm...
I'll send you back on one condition...
You've got to bring somebody back
to replace you.
Oh, I will! I will!
I've already got the
very varmint in mind.
I'll send you back
as a Roman captain of the guards.
I'll take it. I'll take it.
Then it's a deal?
Shake.
Ow! ooh! Ow! Ow! Oh! Ow!
Ooh! ow! Ow! That's hot!
Ha ha ha!
When you're hot, you're hot.
O.K., back you go.
By gum, he did it. I'm back in Rome.
Fall in!
Forward march!
Hut, 2, 3, 4.
Hut, 2, 3, 4.
Hut, 2, 3, 4.
Hut, 2, 3, 4.
Hut, 2, 3, 4.
Eh.
Hut, 2, 3, 4.
What's that?
A parade!
Oh, boy, I love parades!
Hmm...
Get that rabbit!
Charge!
Oops.
Giddup! giddup! Giddup, mule! Hyah!
Hyah, hyah, mule!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, mule!
Whoa, mule!
Whoa!
Now where did that skunk of a rabbit go?
Why, you mangy, fang-toothed critter,
take that!
Maybe that will learn you
to keep your big mouth shut.
That fur-bearing varmint's
around here somewheres.
How many times do I have to tell you
to... shut... up?
Wait till I lay my hands
on that varmint.
I'll...
How now, brown cow?
No long-eared galoot
can outfox the captain of the guards.
O.K., rabbit,
now let's see who's the smartest.
Oh, it looks like you outsmarted me.
Oh, woe is me.
Ah, shut up.
Here, lions.
I hates rabbits.
I'd better get out of here
while the getting's good.
You back already?
Where's your replacement?
You've got to give me another chance.
I'll get a replacement... honest.
See that you do.
I'll get the critter this time.
I'll send him to hell.
Oh, oh, oh, pardon my language.
Here you go.
What am I doing on this humpbacked mule?
Great horny toads!
I'd recognize them flat feet anywhere.
Yah, mule! Yah! Yah! Yah!
Whoa, camel. Whoa. Whoa! Whoa, camel!
Whoa!
Oh, come on, whoa!
When I say whoa, I mean whoa!
Singing in the bathtub
Now, I hope that will learn you,
you humpbacked mulie.
Eh, what's up, doc?
You with the side show around here?
I'm no doc,
you flea-bitten varmint.
I'm Riff-Raff Sam,
the riffiest riff that
ever riffed a raff.
Your slip is showing.
Ooh, why, you...
Whoa!
Follow that rabbit! Giddy-up!
Come on, camel. Giddy-up!
Giddy-up! yah! Yah! Yah!
Camel, giddy-up!
When I say giddy-up,
I mean giddy-up!
Whoa!
Whoa, camel. Whoa.
Whoa! whoa!
Whoa, camel.
A car!
Boy, what a break.
What a spot to pick for a miragie.
Whoa, camel!
Whoa! whoa!
When I say whoa,
I mean whoa!
Open the door!
Open it! Open it!
I could have swore
I heard somebody knocking.
Oh, well.
Yoo-hoo! Mr. Arab!
Uh-oh.
Hyah, mule! Hyah, hyah, hyah, mule!
Hyah!
I wonder if he's stubborn enough
to open all those doors.
You just had to open
every door, didn't you?
I'll be right back!
I'll get that bucktoothed,
floppy-eared, slimy varmint,
or my name ain't Yosemite Sam.
That elevator only goes one way... down.
Ow! ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Maybe I'd better send you back my way.
Any one of you Lily-livered,
bowlegged varmints
care to slap leather with me?
In case any of you get any ideas,
you'd better know
who you're dealing with.
I'm the hootingest,
tootingest, shootingest
bobtail wildcat in the west.
I'm the fastest gun
north, south, east,
and west of the Pecos.
I'm the...
eh... shut up!
Did I hear someone say "shut up"?
Yup.
Stranger, you just yupped yourself
into a hole in the head.
You've been eating onions.
And you're going to be eating lead!
I'm a-warnin' you, stranger!
It's fair to warn you
I swing a fair shooting iron myself.
You see that church bell?
I'll carom a shot off from it,
then off that water tower,
through the window,
off the bottle on this bar,
then part your hair
right down the middle.
Ha! you missed.
Wait.
You call that shooting?
I'll show you some real shooting.
Now, beat that, varmint!
Gee, that's tough, but I'll try.
That does it!
I'm a-blastin' you!
I figured you'd like to settle this
in a gentlemanlike manner.
Gentleman?
That's against my principles,
but it's a deal.
10 paces, turn, and fire. All right?
All right.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 10!
Ooh... get back, varmint!
Ooh... cut it out!
No more gentleman stuff.
From now on, you fights my way...
Dirty!
5:15? I'll take care of you later.
I got to catch a train...
And Rob it.
Get back there, rabbit!
I'm a-robbin' that train.
And I'm saving that train.
If you don't get back,
I'll blast you at the count of five.
1, 2, 3, 4...
You stupid horse.
Get a-goin'!
Now, this time
I'm only going to count to three.
1, 2...
You double-crossing rabbit!
You cut down your chances.
I'm only going to count two
and then blast you.
1, 2...
Yaah!
Hyah! hyah! Hyah! Hyah!
Hyah! hyah! Hyah! Hyah!
Ha! this will stop him.
You better stop your train, rabbit!
You better stop your train.
Well, I'm not stopping mine!
And I'm not stopping mine.
Oh, yeah?
We'll see who will chicken out first.
Well, well, well!
Look who just dropped in.
You must like it down here.
No! no! I hate it!
Oh, I am terribly disappointed in you.
However, I'm giving you
just one more chance.
Oh, no, you're not!
If you want him,
you can get him yourself.
I'm staying!
Ha ha ha ha!
eh... The Roaring Twenties.
Brought on the cops and robbers movies.
Audiences flocked into theaters.
To see their favorites.
FBI agent Elliot Ness was brought in.
To clean up the crime.
He became a public hero.
Friz Freleng decided that
whatever Ness could do,
I could do better.
From this point on, you are on your own.
You will be known to the department
as Elegant Mess.
Then I made a Ness of myself.
Taxi!
Look, fellows.
How many times do I have to tell you?
I haven't got a cold!
Ha ha ha! This is fun, Rocky!
in the wee
hours of the morning,
the mobster's car was seen driving.
Out on the pier at Lake Michigan.
They drove away,
figuring they had disposed
of Mess permanently.
But they had not
figured on his ingenuity.
The boys decided to throw a party.
Celebrating Rocky's birthday
and Agent Mess' removal.
Among those attending
were Jack "Legs" Rhinestone,
Baby Face Half-Nelson,
Pizza-Puss Lasagne,
Pistol-Nose Pringle,
and Teeth Malloy.
Uh... Rocky, we want to present to you
a token of our esteem.
Hiya, suckers!
Who's the broad?
She's some looker, hey, Rocky?
Uh... what happened, Rocky?
You bonehead.
You know, you're a lucky broad.
I like you.
Stop the music.
Stop... stop the music.
Stop the music!
turn on the light, Mugsy.
Turn it off... quick!
You lunkhead!
Now, you get over here,
and I'll turn on the light.
Then let him have it.
Uh... O.K., Rocky.
Gee, this is fun, Rocky...
Just like in the amusement park.
Shut up.
The way I work this thing,
you'd think I knew something about it.
On August 19th,
Rocky was brought
before Judge Hugo Strait.
In Superior Court Number Five,
State of Illinois.
Has the defendant been read his rights?
I read him his rights, Your Honor.
Didn't I, Clancy?
He surely did. Didn't he, O'Hara?
He did. I heard it. Didn't youse, Bugs?
I read him every right
the rascal had coming.
Didn't I, Clancy?
That youse did. You certainly did.
Didn't he, O'Hara?
All right! All right, already.
Does the defendant have anything to say
before I pronounce sentence?
one moment, Your Honor!
I present writs of Habeas Corpus,
Corpus Delicti, and Ad Nauseam,
charging that my client
is deprived of his rights
of Ipso Facto and E Pluribus Unum,
and I insist on his immediate release
under the precedent
set by section 8, paragraph 95
of Rogers vs. Semper Fidelis.
Case dismissed.
Thank you.
Heh heh heh.
It wasn't long.
Before Rocky was up
to his old tricks again.
All right, Mugsy. Step on the gas.
Come back, you dimwit!
Wait for me, stupid! Stop!
Agent Mess lost track
of Rocky's new hideout.
Then an event took place
that aroused his interest.
Eh... j-jumping Juniper!
What's all the rumpus?
J-j-jumping Juniper! A golden egg!
Eh... 24-karat solid gold!
I... I'm rich! I... I'm rich!
Who's responsible... who's responsible...
Who did this?
I know who it was. It was me!
But I'm no fool.
I know what happened to the goose
that laid the golden egg.
Well, c-come on now.
Don't be bashful. Who did it?
I know who did it.
She did it.
O.K. so I laid an egg!
"worth a fortune to owner."
Hey... that's better
than the numbers racket.
Hey, boys, we're going
into poultry business.
Agent Mess figured this was
the sort of inducement.
That would lure Rocky out of hiding.
B-b-but... but I don't want to sell him.
Yeah, th-th-they talked me into it.
Say, what's going on around here?
What's the big idea?
All right, duck.
Make with the golden egg.
Egg, schmegg. I can't lay no egg!
I said lay an egg, duck.
Oh, well, you see,
I can't lay no egg just anywhere.
Um... I'm an artist.
I've got to have atmosphere...
Uh, beautiful surroundings.
Yeah?
O.K., boys. Make with the atmosphere.
Now, this is more like it.
Cut it.
All right, duck.
About that egg...
Oh, yeah! The egg! A little later on.
I'm not in the mood right now.
Nick.
O.K., boss.
It was ghastly!
The deck seemed to lift up under my feet.
Then I was in the water...
Black, oily water!
I struggled...
O.K., duck.
No more stalling, see?
You've got just five minutes
to lay that egg, or...
Pow! pow! Pow! Pow! Pow!
Well, I'll see what I can do,
but I got to have privacy!
I never lay eggs in p-p-public!
O.K., duck.
But remember...
Five minutes.
Four minutes.
Your laundry, sir.
Three minutes.
T-t-t-t-two minutes.
No egg?
Uh-uh.
so long, pal.
That just goes to show you...
You don't know what you can do
till you've got a gun against your head.
Well, toodles. See you around.
Just a minute, duck.
Fill them up.
we had you
pegged all the time.
thought you
could get away with it, eh?
Is there anything we can get for you?
Yes. get me a
p-p-proctologist right away.
The headlines proclaimed.
That a loophole in the law
had freed Rocky again.
extra! Read all about it!
Tweety Bird missing! Bird gets the bird!
Read all about it!
Million-dollar bird gone!
Monsieur Sylvester
is a special agent.
He'll search the underworld's back alleys.
For signs of the missing Tweety.
Oh! ow! Ooh! Ow! Ooh!
police authorities
believe that Tweety Bird.
Is being held for ransom.
By the notorious Rocky and his gang.
And if you are listening
to this broadcast, Rocky,
remember...
don't hurt the bird!
Turn it off, Nick.
O.K., Rocky. Anything you say.
Those bad old gangsters!
Nasty old kidnappers!
I wonder where someone
would go about hiding a kidnapped bird.
Say, that must be the missing kidnappee!
And where there's a kidnappee,
the kidnappers must be close by.
Oh, goody! Goody!
Look at that nice puddy
tat trying to save me.
Hey, boss!
I thought I taw a Puddy Tat.
You did. You did tee a Puddy Tat.
I slipped.
Oh! oh, there you are, puddy.
Hide me! Hide me! Quick!
Here. hide here.
They'll never find you in here.
Ooh... thank you.
Not so hard!
hey, Rocky! The bird's gone.
he must be out here someplace.
O.K., pussycat.
Where is it? The bird.
Oh, yeah? Search the pussycat, Nick.
O.K., boss.
ooh! Aah! Hey!
Stop! No! Aah! No!
Ah! aah! Eee!
O.K., bird. The jig is up.
Hey, boss! This is all I could find.
O.K., cat. Get your package and scram.
You dirty guys!
Ugh.
O.K., Rocky.
Open up now. We got you.
Cheese it! The cops!
Take the bird. Quick!
All right, Rocky. Down to
the station house with you.
hold it!
We are gathered here today
to pay homage to this magnificent cat...
Who fought his natural instincts
to save this little bird. Yes.
And now, gentlemen,
you may take your pictures
of the cat kissing the little bird.
Come on, cat. Kiss the little birdie.
Come on, Puddy Tat.
Kiss the little birdie.
Oh, he's a bad Puddy Tat.
on October 28th, Agent Mess.
Slapped the handcuffs on Rocky and Mugsy.
And brought them to justice.
They were sentenced
to 20 years at hard labor,
which was a little tough on Agent Mess,
who was never able to find
the keys to his handcuffs.
ah, this is
Hollywood, city of winners...
Winners of Oscars, Emmys, and Grammys.
Friz Freleng won five Academy awards.
And two Emmys.
Me? I got a carrot.
When I complained to Friz, he said,
"don't bother me. I'm creating."
He created the Oswald Awards
just for us cartoon actors.
Tonight, you're going to
witness this exciting event.
Hello, greetings, and hi.
Tonight I'm going to interview
some of these cartoony celebrities...
That is, if I can find one.
Oh! here's one now, even as I speak.
It's that little stinker, Pepe Le Pew,
the greatest lover to ever
appear on the silver screen.
And off the screen, too, n'est-ce pas?
Say something to your fans, Mr. Pepe Le...
Pew!
Gee.
Ha ha! Boy.
I must say, meeting you
has been a breathtaking experience.
Well, look who's here.
It's Parker Pig.
The name's Porky Pig.
Who's your friend?
Thr... thr... two little pigs plus one.
Show-biz folks, huh?
No. they're build... build...
They're contractors.
I built my house of straw.
I built my house of sticks.
I built my house of bricks.
I must say, it looks like
you're all living high on the hog.
Ha ha ha!
A little pig joke there. Ha ha!
Don't I know you?
Now, don't tell me. Let me see.
I'll get it.
Uh, it's Big Bad... Big Bad...
Wolf.
No, no, no. I don't believe it was wolf.
I haven't thought of it yet.
I'm The Big Bad Wolf,
and I'm in the demolition business.
I huff, and I puff, and i
blow their houses down.
Hmm. sounds like
a good business to be in.
No overhead.
Now there's some fancy feathers for you.
Bawk! bawk! Bawk! Bawk! Bawk!
Whoa, horse. Whoa!
Well, if it ain't that fist-throwin',
bronco-bustin' Wild Bill Hickok.
I came here to win one of them Oswalds.
I'll tell you, Tex,
you got a 50-50 chance.
Either you win or you lose.
Makes sense, don't it?
Well, just in case, I brought along
a little winner's insurance.
Here comes that famous stool pigeon,
Henery Hawk.
It's Tweety Pie.
Howdy, Mr. Pie.
Ooh, I thought I taw a Puddy Tat.
"I thought I saw a Puddy Tat."
Isn't it time you saw something else?
Stupid bird.
Well, here comes that Looney Tuney Duck.
It's me... Daffy Duck, in person!
Famous star of stage,
screen, and television.
Please hold down your applause.
My ears can only stand so much.
Just for that, no autographs.
Oh! oh! Heartbeat! Heartbeat!
And now the moment
we've all been waiting for...
Here's that lovable feller,
a favorite around the world,
Mr. show business himself,
Mr. Bugs Dummy.
What a scene stealer...
Stepping on my applause,
trying to upstage me, as if
that were humanly possible.
Eh, what's up, duck?
You're despicable!
I hate you.
Say the secret word and win an Oswald.
Eh, good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
We are gathered here to Award
the Oswald to that actor
who has given the world so much joy.
We know who that's going
to be, don't we, Granny?
You tell me. I'm too modest.
We will select this outstanding star
from one of the many qualified artists
to receive this coveted Award.
Stop teasing the audience,
you stupid rabbit!
Read my name!
The first nomination is The Big Bad Wolf.
I want to thank you,
and my three supporting actors
want to thank you.
Say thanks to the audience, piggies.
Thanks. thanks. Thanks.
That's enough. Now sit down.
They nominate that wolf for acting?
Ha! he couldn't call his dog believably.
O.K., Charlie, roll it.
Remember the story
of three little pigs
one played a pipe,
and the other danced jigs
the three little pigs
are still around
but they're playing music
with a modern sound
Three little pigs were in the groove
everything was running smooth
the pigs were due for a big surprise
for the wolf appeared
with red-rimmed eyes
ooh, you're cool.
Ooh, you're cool.
Ooh, you're cool, man, cool.
Well, to show he was friendly,
he shook their hand
announced he was joining up
with the band
instead of starting an argument
a-1 and a-2 and away they went
The three little pigs
were really gassed
they'd never heard such a corny blast
we've played in the west.
We've played in the east.
We've heard the most.
But you're the least.
Well, The Big Bad Wolf was really mad
he wanted to play music
and he wanted to play bad
they stopped me
before I could go to town,
so I'll huff and puff
and blow their house down.
The house of straw was blown away
the pigs had to find
another place to play
the dew drop inn, a house of sticks
the three little pigs
were giving out licks
well, the piano-playing pig
was swinging like a gate
doing Liberace on an 88
I wish
my brother George was here.
Three little pigs were having a ball
when The Big Bad Wolf,
he entered the hall
The Big Bad Wolf, he sat right down
come on, cats. We're going to town.
Hey, I'm out of sight.
From the crowd came an angry shout
stop the music! Throw the square out!
The Big Bad Wolf was really sore
if they're going to get tough,
I'll give them more.
They don't know talent in this here town.
I'll huff and puff
and blow the place down.
The dew drop inn did drop down
three little pigs
crawled out of the rubble
this Big Bad wolf gives
us nothing but trouble.
So we won't be bothered
by his windy tricks...
The next place we play
must be made of bricks.
Sturdy place, this house of bricks
built in 1776
high-class place
with a high-class crowd
sign on the door...
"No wolves allowed"
the wolf was sore and fit to be tied
he was sworn and determined
to get inside
he huffed and puffed
at the house of bricks
but bricks are stronger
than straw or sticks
he huffed and puffed
and bleeped and blooped
and at 10:00 was completely pooped
but all of a sudden
came a ray of hope
I could disguise myself.
Boy, what a dope.
How do you like that, sister?
He's running the whole gamut of emotions
from "a" to "b."
If you don't shut
that yellow beak of yours,
I'll shut it for you.
I'd like to see you try it.
This beak of mine is
going to keep flapping...
Maybe that will shut you up for a while.
I suppose you think that's funny.
Not us, Big Bad.
Watch it, pigs.
I'll show those pigs that I'm not stuck.
If I can't blow it down, I'll blow it up.
Well, The Big Bad Wolf
was really gone
and with him went his corny horn
went out of this world
without a trace
didn't go to heaven,
was the other place
The Big Bad Wolf, he learned the rule.
You got to get hot to play real cool.
Eh, for the next nomination,
we have two of Hollywood's
most popular stars...
Tweety Pie and Sylvester.
Thanks a lot.
Tank you. Tank you for this great honor.
Here's a few scenes
of Tweety and Sylvester
at their best.
I thought I taw a Puddy Tat.
I wouldn't do that if I were you.
If I were you, I'd put him back.
It can only lead to self-destruction.
It only takes one bird to start you.
And before you know it,
it's two birds, then three.
Suddenly, without realizing it,
you're a victim.
Then one day, the end of the road.
If you really want to beat this,
look us up.
We can help you.
Our new member has come to us for help.
Would someone volunteer
to tell what B.A. Has done for him?
I was a three-bird-a-day pussy cat
until B.A. Helped me.
Being on a bird kick cost me five homes.
B.A. helped me solve my problem.
Fellow members, from now on, my motto is,
"birds is strictly for the birds."
Good morning, my little feathered friend.
I got it beat.
My will power is indomitab-ble.
Sylvester, you are weally a hypocrite.
Let's see what's cooking on TV.
After a-basting,
you'll find that your bird.
Will come out a-golden brown.
Every succulent morsel.
Will simply melt in your mouth.
See how easy the white meat slices, eh?
Doesn't that look...
What's the matter with me?
I... I got to get birds off my mind.
Maybe I'll take up a hobby.
Badminton? no, it's got a birdie.
Ah, golf! There's birdies in golf.
Falconry?
No, no, that's out.
Baseball! that's it.
What about the Baltimore Orioles?
You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
Yeah, you ought to be
ashamed of yourself.
You bad old Puddy Tat.
I know. I'll play the radio.
Music will get my mind off of it.
That was Bye-Bye, Blackbird.
Now we'll play.
When the red, red Robin comes
Bob, Bob, bobbin' along.
I got to stop myself!
There. now I won't be able
to get the bird.
Oh, Mr. Puddy Tat,
don't you wike me anymore?
I... I think... I think...
I think you're...
I think you're... delicious!
I'm sorry I had to do that.
I was afraid you might be weakening.
yes. I did weaken.
Thanks a lot.
Aah!
Uh-oh. here we go again.
One little bird. Just one. Just one!
No one will know the difference.
No one. Just one.
Then I'll quit. I'll quit after one.
Just one. Ha ha! One little bird.
One! one!
I... I can't stand it. I'm weak.
My compliments
on a very fine performance, Sylvester.
Say, you're pretty good, too, Clarence.
I got to have a birdie!
I'm weak! I'm weak, but I don't care.
I can't help it.
After all, I am a pussy cat.
Oh, come now.
There's no need for this demonstration.
Birds and cats
can live together with brotherly love.
Watch. come here, little bird.
There, you see? I really love birds.
Stop it!
Let me go! I got to have it!
One little bird, just one!
Control yourself!
Like I said before,
once a bad old Puddy Tat,
always a bad old Puddy Tat.
I'll take possession of that little bird.
You can't be trusted.
And that makes two of you.
That's the story of my life...
In one cat and out the other.
Our next nominee is a star
whose name is synonymous
with show business...
It's about time!
Whose fame has spread all over the world.
Hold your applause
until he announces my name.
Then you can cheer your heads off.
And the nominee is, eh...
Oh! oh, goodness me. How about that?
The nominee is... hee hee hee!
Bugs Bunny!
What? Bugs Bunny?
It can't be. This whole
thing must be fixed.
It's a big ripoff.
And here's a few scenes
from my picture High Diving Hare.
Hurry, hurry, hurry!
Step right this way, friends,
right this way.
Yes, sir, ladies and gentlemen,
the greatest aggregation
of talent ever to be presented
on any vaudeville stage...
Butterfingers and Clumsy,
the world's foremost jugglers,
Fearless Freep and his
sensational high-diving act.
Fearless Freep? That's my boy!
Give me a ticket!
Give me a whole Mess of them.
I'm a-splurgin'.
Bring on Fearless Freep!
On with the show!
Telegram.
Come on, quit stalling!
Bring on Freep!
Quiet! quiet, please.
Ladies and gentlemen,
due to an unfortunate delay,
Fearless Freep will be unable
to perform his high-diving act today.
What?
I paid my four bits
to see the high-diving act,
and I'm a-gonna see the high-diving act.
Well, you talked me into it.
No stalling. Now keep a-movin'.
All right, all right! Quit shoving!
Now, you varmint. Dive!
O.K., but you got to close your eyes
while I put on my bathing suit.
Oh, all right, but make it snappy.
Ready!
Splash!
By gar, the critter went and done it.
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
for our next attraction...
I said I aim to see you dive,
and I'm a-goin' to.
Well, here I go again.
One for the money, two for the show,
three to make ready, and four to go.
Bon voyage.
Uh-oh. forgot to fill
the tank with water.
If you ask me,
that rabbit is making
a fool out of that...
I'm not asking you. I'm telling you.
Shut up, duck!
I'm shutting it.
Now, you dog-blasted, ornery,
no-account, long-eared varmint...
Hey! just a minute, you.
Them's fightin' words.
Yeah, them's fightin' words.
I dast you to step across this line.
I'm a-steppin'.
I hate you.
Now, you smarty-pants,
let's see you get out of this one.
Ha ha ha!
This time, you're a-divin'.
I know this defies the law of gravity,
but, you see, I never studied law.
And now that moment
we have all been waiting for.
The envelope, please.
Oh, my goodness. I just can't believe it.
Oh, this is too much.
Give me that.
I'm not too humble to read my own name.
The winner of this year's
Oswald Award is...
Bugs Bunny?
Stop the music! Hold your applause.
It's been fixed.
He gave himself the Award.
it's a phony!
I... I don't deserve this, really.
It's just too much. I'm...
You are despicable.
I challenge your so-called talents.
I can do anything better than you.
Yes, I can! Yes, I can! Yes, I can!
Let the audience decide.
I dare you.
O.K., Daffy, fair enough.
Try not to trip me with those big feet.
I'll try, Daffy.
We're on!
Boy, listen to that! They loved me!
I'm sick of people
taking bows for my talent.
Now do your own dance. I challenge you.
Dance, if you're not a coward.
Har-De-har-har.
If they like that Mess,
they're starving for some real hoofing.
I'll kill 'em.
Music, maestro, please.
E-flat, from the top.
Ingrates!
Obviously, this audience has no class.
I've got a pigeon act
that will bowl them over.
O.K., Daffy.
I'm giving you all the rope you need.
Now it's my turn to do an act.
Go ahead.
I'd love to see the audience
boo you off the stage.
...after which I place
a volunteer in this box
and proceed to saw him in half.
What? don't tell me you've got the gall
to pull that old
"sawing in half" routine.
Yes, if I get a volunteer.
Volunteer? hmm.
I'll be your volunteer.
This whole thing is a fake.
The way it's done is very simple.
Fake feet out one end,
and I'm all scrunched up in this end.
The oldest trick in the book.
His turban is a fake, too.
It's a hotel towel.
Don't applaud him!
Look. I'm not cut in half.
Stop applauding!
It's a fake!
Sheesh. it's a good thing
i got blue cross.
And after intermission,
I'll play the xylophone.
Xylophone? hmm.
I can get rid of the rabbit,
and it will look like an accident.
When he strikes this note,
instead of a xylophone,
he'll be playing a harp.
Heh heh heh!
Now, with your kind indulgence,
I'll play those endearing young charms.
That's wrong, you dumb bunny!
Try it again!
Ooh! no, no!
You stupid rabbit!
Like this!
Look at the egomaniac out there
making a fool of himself.
I hate you!
Now you've forced me to use the act
I've held back for a special occasion.
Just try and top this one.
I now present an act
that no other performer
has ever dared to execute.
In fairness, I must warn those
with weak constitutions
to leave the theater
for this performance.
Lights. thank you.
Some appropriate music, maestro.
Thank you.
First, some Nitroglycerin.
A goodly amount of gunpowder.
Some uranium 238.
Shake well.
Strike an ordinary match.
Girls, you'd better
hold on to your boyfriends.
Swallow the match. So.
That's terrific, Daffy.
They loved it. They want more.
Here, Daffy.
You deserve this more than I do.
It just goes to show you...
You got to kill yourself to win an Oswald
in this town.
Well, that's all, folks.
Hey, I'm s-supposed to s-s-s...
That's my line.
Well, then, say it.
D-d-d-d-d... that's...
Dirty guys!
Captioning performed by the
National Captioning Institute, Inc.