21 Jump Street s01e04 Episode Script

1 Jenko: Speeding right along Apparently somebody is trying to relocate south central high school one room at a time.
Last night was the fourth b & E in the same amount of months.
No forced entry.
No busted windows.
Burglary says it smacks of an inside gig One kid gets a set of master keys.
Next thing, half the school's drinking free sodas.
And on top of that some teacher's getting free roses from some secret admirer.
Here, check it out, hanson before the kids walk into an empty schoolhouse.
Got any suspects? Got a couple.
My best bet is a guy named Jeffrey stone.
Sells everything from hot records to tickets to the boss's concerts Third row center.
How do I get close? I don't know.
Ask him to a rock concert, I guess.
Anything else? Jack, could you clear me on a couple extra hours at lunch? I got that physical exam today.
Hey, terrific, Harry.
So you're taking your sergeant's exam Sergeant h.
T.
Ioki.
I can dig it, man.
Study hard and fast, Harry, and good luck.
( Tire blows out ) Oh, terrific.
No Jack.
Yo! Flat tire! Hey, flat tire! Anybody want to stop for me here? ( Horn honking ) Hi.
Hi.
Looks like you could use some help.
Yeah, I could.
My tire's flat.
Only on the bottom.
You wouldn't happen to have a Jack, would you? I know a Jack, but I don't have a Jack.
Big guy, dark hair eats with his fingers, lousy dancer.
Different Jack.
Lucky you.
Here Welcome to the eighties.
Thanks.
You're welcome.
There should be enough left to fill up the bottom.
Give my regards to Jack.
Oh, I can't.
I don't see him anymore.
Then can I make this up to you? What did you have in mind? I don't know.
At least let me offer to fix your next flat.
Then who knows lunch a house in the suburbs possibly a kid when we're ready.
I'm not planning on having one anytime soon.
A kid or a flat? Both no Jack.
Are you taking applications? Have another flat, and I'll let you know.
Susan chadwick.
I'm in the book under auto repair.
Albert: Weintraub wants to see you.
That's a hot tip.
To think that some people think you're an idiot.
Nice work, Albert.
This from your post-tardo period? You punks, all you do is make work for me.
And don't you call me "Albert.
" That's right.
It's janowitz.
That's Polish for janitor, right? You still want it? Want what? The compact disc player, Mr.
janitor.
I only got two of them left.
They're very chic.
They make for a great gift item if you want to impress your girlfriend.
That is, if you have a girlfriend.
Relax.
I'll give it to mine.
Have a nice day.
Weintraub: Any idea who the artist is, Jeffrey? Jeffrey: Graffiti art is all the rage now, sir.
A guy in New York sells this crap by the ton.
Personally, I'm a performance artist.
You know, hanging upside down with a hammer in my mouth over dry ice.
Sorry.
Hand over my hall pass.
I'd hate to miss chadwick's English class.
No, stone.
This morning, let's change the routine a little.
Sit down.
How are you spending your time at night, you working? Neither one of your first two period teachers can remember the last time they saw you in class.
It's hard for a night person to work days.
What do you do at night? Same thing as anybody else.
I just do it a little longer.
Miss chadwick found this rose on her desk this morning.
Coincidentally, the school was burglarized again last night.
Try Merlin Olsen.
Maybe an f.
T.
D cupid's gone bad.
You're a smart kid, stone.
Don't screw up your life over a few kicks.
Look, man, if you're accusing me of something, have me arrested.
Otherwise, you're depriving me of an education.
You want some excitement in your life? Why don't you try out for the basketball team? Your brother loved it.
Did him a lot of good.
Maybe I can get lost in Cambodia, too.
Zero hero, man.
Chadwick: His imagery and rhythms are still considered today as some of the most urgent in contemporary poetry.
So take a few minutes now to read this short work and read it a couple of times paying specific attention to his layers of imagery and how those images collectively build to their own inner conclusions.
Don't you think you should have called first? I mean, this is a little Embarrassing? I'll say.
Looks like I'm sort of in your class.
Oh, listen Hey, it's okay.
You don't have to say a thing.
Forget about it.
I'm just a guy with a flat tire and you've got a class to teach.
So So Yeah.
Class, this is tom gilmore.
He's a new student here.
Tom, I'm miss chadwick.
Pleased to meet you, miss chadwick.
Okay, so here you go.
Help yourself to any available seat.
Sorry, miss chadwick.
It's these aliens.
You can't rely on them for anything.
They were supposed to have me back on earth in time for class but it took a while to unhook the life support system.
How are you Thank you, Jeffrey.
I'm sure we're all very amused.
But now I wonder, can we try and hold an English class? Let's read the poem and we'll discuss it at ten minutes past the hour.
Psst.
Van halen, dude.
Absolutely live absolutely the last two tickets.
Where did you get them? I've been looking all over town.
Don't grab.
We are a civilized people.
If you want them, they're yours Eighty bucks.
Can you front me? Front you? Van halen, dude.
I'll take 'em 70 bucks right now.
Seventy-five.
Seventy bucks.
The man knows his music.
This is an English class, not an auction.
I heard the good news, miss chadwick.
What good news is that, Jeffrey? That you've got a secret admirer.
Someone brought you flowers last night, miss chadwick? Hey, negotiator.
You still want them for $70? Sixty now.
Market gets soft after the bell rings.
Don't try to outgun a gunner, Ace.
Merry Christmas.
Free? Why? This way I win.
It's kind of like how a bank gives away free toasters.
You know, new customers and all.
So you got a girlfriend? Maybe.
I got a compact disc player.
Makes for a great gift item.
No, thanks.
My girlfriend thinks I'm a great gift item.
Zeno's, tonight, at 7:00, right? I'll buy you a drink.
Doesn't a hotshot like you have any friends? Depends on what they're selling for.
If you need an I.
D.
Like I said, I got a department that handles that, too.
Most of these other jerks around here they're just waiting for the prom.
You need someone to show you around before you end up buying some dog a corsage.
Later.
Lazzar: Kids have had crushes on their teachers since the beginning of time.
It's nothing to worry about.
Up a few more inches on your side, Albert.
Perfect.
This is more than just a crush, Kathryn.
I can see it in his eyes.
And with that burglary last night and the rose on my desk Susan, your class is the only one that Jeffrey attends with any regularity.
If I take him out now I'm afraid he'll just stop coming to school.
I like Jeffrey.
He's a bright kid.
I had him as a sophomore.
His folks split up that year.
Took it pretty hard.
Too bad Kyle isn't here.
He'd have been a real good influence.
Handsome boy.
Very popular.
You'd have liked him.
All-American wasn't he, Albert? Yes, ma'am.
Basketball state champions my senior year.
Come on, Susan.
Didn't you ever have a crush on a teacher? Mine was Mr.
Peterson Eighth grade biology.
Lucky guy.
See you in the morning.
Yeah, thanks.
No disrespect to miss lazzar, but He wasn't such a hotshot Stone's older brother, Kyle.
Believe me.
And all mouth, both of them.
Must be hereditary.
If that little punk gives you any more trouble I'll handle him.
Hi.
Hi.
Got something for you.
I wouldn't want to owe you when it comes to midterms, you know.
Okay, so we're even.
And listen, thanks a lot for you know.
It could have been real embarrassing for me.
I came on pretty hard, and I'm a teacher.
Yes, ma'am, and I'm just a kid in your class with a flat tire.
Yep, I guess you are.
I'll see you later, miss chadwick.
You know I didn't figure you for a Van halen fan.
And I didn't figure you for a teacher, either.
Good-bye.
Bye.
( Horn honks ) Looking for something, or just want to see if the thing works? You got any money? Yeah.
Why? Did you spend all yours on replacing pajamas? No, wiseacre, I'm gonna be out of town all next week, and I thought you might get hungry.
Look, you kids don't wait up for me.
Remember, tomorrow's a school day.
Where you going? Out.
Where's out? Not in.
Misunderstanding Back on the line Back on the road, the price of love Can't get away Feelings all fade Can't get away I have nowhere to go Nice place.
Terrific service.
I'll bet the escargot is excellent.
You want friendly, go to pizza hut.
Whoa.
Bizarre seats for the U2 concert.
Jeffrey, I'm a happy girl.
Who's your friend? Karla, like, I'm happy you're happy, okay? But I'm busy.
I'm Karla.
Stop by and ruin me.
Forget it.
The chick's a poster child for ludes.
Did you bring it? My boyfriend's going to go nuts.
Your boyfriend is nuts.
A great gift item.
You lost out, man.
That was my last one.
Your girlfriend would have loved it.
I'll buy her a corsage.
Look, this place stinks, man.
Finish your beer, and let's hit the road.
I don't drink.
Stone: That's chadwick.
She likes to read in bed.
Hanson: What do you do? You spy on her? A man's got to have his hobbies, gilmore.
Where are we going? Relax, gilmore.
I'm driving this tour bus.
Well, so far the tour stinks.
Then let's go someplace with a view.
Okay.
Close it up, gilmore.
If ever you need to change an attendance record a grade, whatever you push back these four screws.
You pull up the exhaust fan cover bammo, you're in.
Follow me.
How about this view, huh? Yeah, it's nice.
What the hell are we doing up here? Getting away from down there.
Getting away from what, exactly? Stuff, gilmore.
Adult paranoia.
State championships.
Senior dances.
Cambodia.
So, what did you get? What? Man, who do you think you're dealing with? You re-sold those Van halen tickets, didn't you? How did you know that? Come on, gilmore.
You've never listened to Van halen in your life.
I know people.
That's my talent.
Some guys are good with basketball.
I'm good with people.
Look, it's all right.
Even if they were a gift.
I don't mind.
Besides There ain't nothing in the book that says you can't sell anything that's yours.
Maybe we can go into business together.
You think so, huh? Split all that lunch money between us.
Wow.
Concert tickets c.
D.
S and anything else you can move.
I don't know, pretty big time stuff but It would bore me.
Strike.
Strike? Yes! Strike my eye! I'd need an elevator to reach that ball! Play ball! Billy Martin, Billy Martin.
Come on, guys.
Come on, Harry.
Penhall: Play ball.
Okay, Harry, according to revised municipal code no person below the age of Eighteen will not be granted a permit to own a gun without written consent by a parent or guardian.
Hanson: Unless said parent or guardian has a felony conviction within the last seven years.
I was getting to that part, hanson.
Good eye, Harry.
Wait for your pitch.
You guys might have invented the game but we perfected it.
Yeah, Sushi and baseball both, right? How was your concert, bro? Was it radical, awesome, like wow? How would I know? I've never listened to Van halen in my life.
I got that from an expert.
I think that Jeffrey stone might be our guy.
He's a real loner part-time junior vampire spends his nights spying on his English teacher and hanging out on the school roof.
Tries to be a hard guy.
Huge campaign, but not a lot of votes.
Any priors? Not really, just a felony-size chip on his shoulder Problems at home, things like that.
I'm not even sure the stuff he sells is hot.
He thinks I'm a player.
Oh, wait, I'm sorry.
I didn't order that.
I did.
Mind if I join you? Well, actually, I'm a little busy right now and you really shouldn't be buying me a drink.
I didn't.
I bought it for me.
Besides, it's a coke.
What did you do? Spill the first one? It's raining.
It's raining? Oh, great, I walked here.
This is kind of a strange place to be grading papers don't you think? Not when you consider most of them were written at a twisted sister concert.
See, I didn't figure you for a twisted sister fan.
Listen, I thought we were going to forget our first meeting.
What meeting? Tom, I just don't want you to have the wrong impression of me.
I mean, to be honest with you I was attracted to you but it wasn't really you I was attracted to.
Who was it? There's someone running around town who looks just like me Big guy, dark hair eats with his fingers lousy dancer.
The worst, terrible.
What I'm trying to say Is if things were suddenly different and we really were those two people back there who knows, but We're not.
I'm your teacher.
You're my student.
Teacher, student, see? Okay, fine but the next time I get a flat tire, don't stop and if you do Don't be so damned cute.
Darned cute.
I bet you're going to grow up to be a biology teacher.
I am grown up.
Look, miss chadwick, I walked in the door I saw you sitting here I thought I'd come by and say hi.
That was all there was to it.
I mean Just relax, okay? A biology teacher? There's just one more thing I should ask you strictly student to teacher.
Is this why I found roquefort dressing on my book report? Probably.
Thank you.
( Crowd cheering ) ( Crowd booing ) ( Buzzer sounds ) Thanks again for the ride.
It's flu season.
You can't be too careful.
I had fun.
Thanks.
Good night.
Good night.
You know There's something about you that doesn't fit.
Maybe you don't have all the pieces yet.
Oh, really? Really.
You have a date for the prom? Seven years ago, thank you.
Hey, never work that deep without a snorkel.
You can damage the brain.
According to municipal code a quarry located within the city limits must be enclosed with a wooden or wire fence not less than six feet above the existing grate.
Don't worry.
We don't have quarries.
Relax.
How's it going? I breezed through my written.
Got my oral Thursday and after that sergeant ioki.
Jenk wants to see you in his office.
The Alma mater was hit again last night.
Two thousand dollars worth of desk calculators.
Terrific.
Jenko, I'm sorry.
I never thought he'd hit again this soon.
It just doesn't make any sense.
Hanson, guys who make a habit of camping out on school rooftops don't usually make much sense.
I thought I needed to give him some room.
Well, you gave him room.
The principal of the school is screaming at our guys downtown.
Because of our cracker-Jack protection he's gonna be forced to hire an outside security firm.
Talk like that, pal can put our jump street program right into the toilet.
So, what was our rooftop Romeo up to last night? A little window-peeping on the teacher? What does she look like anyway? Oh, she's I wasn't with stone last night.
I was out.
Where's "out?" Out, out.
I had something to eat with a friend.
And who might that be, sport? What do you mean, who? I don't mean the who, as in the rock group.
I mean who as in what party were you with? Now we know it wasn't our man stone as he was obviously occupied.
I was with my English teacher.
Ah, the teacher.
I hope you had a swell time.
I tried.
Uh-huh, I bet you did.
Diagram a few sentences, bub? I'm sorry.
Hey, hey, you're a person.
You don't have to apologize for having a personal life.
You should just always remember to have it on your two-week vacation each year.
Okay, now, if you think you still have a case maybe you should go pick up your buddy stone.
Yeah.
Okey, dokey.
Okey, doke.
Chekhov, in addition to his many contributions to the world of theater Which as I'm sure you all know have received World-Wide recognition Was also a respected essayist Excuse me just a second.
No, Jeffrey isn't in class today.
Was there a rose on your desk this morning? Yes.
But I'm sure it's just a harmless crush.
"Harmless crush?" The guy's a thief.
Albert, I'll handle this.
Would you come with us, Ms.
chadwick? Sir, I really don't think it's fair to just search a student's locker.
It's not only unfair, it's illegal.
Tom, please stay out of this.
I'm already into it.
Well, you're gonna get two weeks' detention unless you get back to class.
Open it.
Don't do this! Tom I have to ask you not to open Jeffrey stone's locker.
I'm a police officer.
That was one of the pieces missing.
What the hell is going on here? If you open that locker without a warrant, it's illegal search and seizure.
Principal: A cop? Why wasn't I notified? Because then it wouldn't be undercover.
And be able to harass the student body? No, I pretty much stay away from the student bodies.
Open it.
Not without probable cause.
What happened here last night is cause enough.
Albert saw stone's car in the parking lot before he opened the school this morning.
Then I saw him slinking around in the halls over by here.
I turned around, off he goes in his car.
I want stone arrested.
No! I have every right as principal of this school Let me do my job, Mr.
weintraub! Don't be an idiot.
I don't know, gilmore.
That's asking a lot of him.
Something I can do for you gentlemen? Sell you some tickets to Van halen? Tell you what, I'll trade you two front row center seats for a stack of signed hall passes.
Open it.
Why? Open your locker, Jeff.
Get a guy some fake I.
D.
And wham, he starts giving orders like an adult.
This one's not fake.
Why you narc blossom.
Very smooth routine, gilmore.
Very smooth indeed.
For a while there I thought you were just a jerk but you're a professional jerk right? Gilmore? Bet you that isn't even your real name.
Open your locker, son.
Not without a warrant.
Even the cub scout, here will tell you that.
But then again I'll get a kick out of embarrassing him.
Oh, come on.
Would you please Oh, this is the best part for you, gilmore.
Right? Right.
That's not my merchandise.
It's too cheap.
You only deal in quality gift items.
Stone: That's right.
Come on, you guys can do better than this.
Try at least for a class a felony, huh? Get him out of here.
You're under arrest.
I didn't do it.
"You have the right to remain silent.
"Anything you say "can and will be used against you "in a court of law.
"You have the right to an attorney.
If you give up that right" Would it make a difference if I told you I didn't do it? Thanks for bailing me out.
If I wasn't leaving for London in the morning, Jeffrey, believe me, I would have let you spend the night there.
I didn't do it.
Don't lie to me, Jeffrey.
I don't lie to you, dad.
Why should I? You don't even listen to me.
It's not that I'm so angry about what you did.
It's that you were dumb enough to get caught.
Right.
If you turn a profit, protect the bottom line.
Maybe next time there won't be a bottom line.
How about if there's even no next itme.
Hi.
Can I explain? No.
Look, miss chadwick Don't call me miss chadwick.
You sound ridiculous.
You lied to me.
No, I misled you.
And as weak as it sounds, I was only doing my job.
Oh, "your job.
" A job that includes emotionally ripping off kids like Jeffrey stone and humiliating him in front of his peers.
Is this part of your job, too? It's a pretty nice gift but I don't impress that easy.
I didn't give you this.
Card was cute, but you spelled lord Byron wrong.
I didn't give you this.
When did you get it? It was on my doorstep when I got home from school.
Nice touch.
Reminds me of tenth grade.
Jeffrey would have given me tickets to Van halen.
Oh, yeah.
You know, one of his nightly stops was parking outside your bedroom window to watch you pick out your underwear.
What? Yeah.
But he didn't give you this c.
D.
He was sold out two nights ago and he's been in jail since this afternoon.
Who did? Not me.
And all the roses? Now those I wish I did give you, you know.
What do you do? Go from high school to high school picking up your English teachers? Hey I was the one with a flat tire.
You were the one without the Jack.
Fifty-fifty, huh? Sixty-forty, I'm irresistible.
And off duty.
How about you? Boys didn't kiss like this when I was in high school.
It's a good thing.
You never would have graduated.
What's wrong? If I didn't give you that compact disc player and stone didn't give it to you maybe he didn't give you the roses either.
Maybe someone else did.
Okay, maybe.
Which means maybe I busted the wrong guy.
That's my brother's trophy.
Albert.
Keep your hands off of it.
I was just cleaning it.
Clean the windows and empty the trash, but stay away from my brother's stuff.
What are you doing here? Good question.
What are you doing here? Bet you thought I was in jail.
You don't know what it's like to have a rich father, do you, Albert? Got to tell you, you're a lousy basketball player.
I've been watching you.
You're just as bad as when you played with my brother.
You still stink.
And you set me up, you goof.
It was you, man.
You see, I hang around here.
Keeps me away from out there.
I see everything.
I saw it all.
You stealing stuff.
I figured, it's none of my business.
Till I got busted for it.
What are you talking about? Playing dumb? You're good at that, Albert.
You're the one that put the stuff in my locker.
You're the one that put the roses on miss chadwick's desk.
I'm going to tell.
Old man weintraub, the cops even pretty little miss chadwick.
Don't you tell her anything, Kyle! "Kyle?" That's my brother's name, you tardo.
Don't tell me you don't remember him? He's the one that got you bumped to the bench.
Bet you chadwick would love him.
You tell her, I'll kill you! You? You can barely even mop these halls.
Pal, you're a tardo! My brother told me you had bad moves.
Yeah, Kyle, big shot! You got to play! I got to ride the bench! I'm not Kyle! Drop it, janowitz, now! ( Crowd cheering ) No! ( Crowd booing ) The guys who go to the playoffs They get the girls.
They get a chance to win.
They get a life.
The guys who are on the bench They stay there forever.
Thanks.
What about the other stuff Is it stolen? I bought it.
Why? Why not? Look, just for the record I wasn't spying on miss chadwick.
I was trying to get up enough nerve to ask her out on a date.
Guess you beat me to it.
I guess I did.
Very smooth routine, gilmore.
Very smooth.
I'm impressed.
Remind me I owe you a couple good seats next time Springsteen comes in town.
You got it.
I'll see you.
Yeah.
Okay, Kyle This one's for you.
Hey, lizard breath! Didn't you see me pull in here? Huh? You got a driver's license or something? Geez, get out of here! Ioki: Everybody drives like a maniac.
An officer cannot engage in direct or indirect ownership of the Oral test, oral test.
Around the corner, sixth floor elevator.
A convicted felon may not be issued a gun permit Harry Truman ioki? Yes.
Are you ready for your oral exam? Yes.
My driver's license.
Hi.
Can I buy you a drink? Why don't we just stay in?