800 Words (2015) s02e14 Episode Script
Season 2, Episode 14
(GEORGE NARRATES) (EXHALES) And good evening, one and all.
It's morning, Uncle Terry.
Ah, it's all relative.
We're all relatives, you know, relatively speaking.
What can I tell you about my brother Terry that doesn't make me sound like the grumpy old fart he says I am? Column? Speech.
Cutting it fine.
We haven't seen much of you lately.
I'm opening a fine-dining experience, and that takes long hours.
Well, that would explain the reek of tequila.
No idea how that happened.
(LAUGHS) Say yes.
Yes! (LAUGHS) Anyone need a lift, I'm leaving in ten.
Oh, sweet.
I'll grab a shower.
Haven't you just come from work? Shay, it's a fine-dining experience, not a fish and chips shop.
Which demands I put in hours.
Actually, I'm doing my own version of fish and chips.
Mind-blowing.
The triple-cooked one with the polenta coating, from your book? You made it? Yeah, well, Dad helped the first few times.
(LAUGHS) Thank you, Arlo.
Thank you for the awesome recipe.
I think you just helped me solve a problem.
I did? He's a born entertainer, a natural in the spotlight, and if you haven't already, you will not be able to resist falling in love with him.
Until suddenly he's gone, where you find him crying in an alleyway, or he's curled up in a foetal ball on your kitchen floor, begging you to forgive him one more time.
(THEME MUSIC) 2x14 You do remember where the all-night, all-day lifestyle got you in the past, right? It was just a couple of drinks with the crew while we sorted the booze list.
Besides, I should be the one worrying about you.
The recent failed relationship.
It's not failed.
It's just on hold.
Knocking up your wife's best mate.
Not proven yet.
With twins with our family history.
Yeah, I'm well aware of our family history, thanks.
All I'm saying is the mess that your life's in, I look like a saint.
Hey, Bren, how's my pecorino? Just dropped it off.
The best that these Friesian sheep can produce.
Love you.
Oh.
(GIGGLES) Right, so you and Jan decided to procreate after a long sober thought? Dougie boy, how's it going? My finest work brining as we speak.
The unspeakable gherkin-shaped body parts? Your brother, George hard case.
So, Jan and the babies - you think she planned it? What?! Has it even occurred to you that she might have lured you into this whole baby daddy trap on purpose? (LAUGHS) No.
Come on, man, she's been giving you the longing look way before Laura even died.
You're only saying that because she doesn't like you.
She thinks I'm a wastrel.
Well, you haven't exactly done anything to challenge that perception, have you? Yo, Terry.
Yo, Zac.
How we doing? Kaimoana all sorted.
Hey, George.
Zac.
The paua? The crays, the kahawai, the hapuku, and yes, the paua.
And, uh, what about that other thing? Got someone up in the bush harvesting that as we speak.
Um, harvesting what? Paoka, George.
Pork.
Oh.
Jeez, he's been here how long? He still doesn't know the lingo.
(CHUCKLES) George tries his best.
Everything will be there at the agreed time and the agreed price.
You're the man, Zac.
I know.
George.
Zac.
OK, if Jan was trying to trap me, how come Zac's in the running? It was Guy Fawkes night.
How could she resist him? You're here for five minutes and you know everything about everything.
I have my sources.
So, do you like the name? Means 'good food'.
Or 'lots of food'.
I don't actually know.
Just like the way it looks.
Good for you.
Oh, here he is, my golden Aussie goose.
Hey, we need to talk about the guest list for the opening, man.
No, I don't care about that, but I have solved an actual problem.
Hey! Here to give the younger brother a hand, eh? Just wanted to see how it's coming along.
Yeah, flash joint like this right here in Weld.
There'll be no putting your chips in your burgers here.
Don't you think it's a bit A bit what? A bit much.
A bit much what? A bit much of everything.
I mean, how much do you reckon this is all costing? By my calculations buckets.
And you're not worried it's another music festival fiasco? No, it's not Robbie writing the cheques.
And anyway, I'm doing it for Tezza.
Mate, he can charm the birds out of trees, that bloke.
In fact, I actually think I saw him talking to a native wood pigeon.
And, George, they're as rare as well, native wood pigeons, mate.
Yeah, as long as he didn't kill it and eat it.
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Am I detecting a whiff of brotherly wet blanket? No, not at all.
Yeah, well, look, this used to be the world's worst Chinese restaurant, OK.
Your brother could serve up Vegemite on toast, he'd be doing Weld a favour.
How can that possibly be a bad thing, George? SHAY: We're getting really good at this.
I'll email him and tell him they're on their way.
Oh, internet's down.
You haven't called Ike to fix it? Uh, no.
Still like that, is it? Uh, yes.
This isn't good, Shay.
Feels wrong that all this has come between you two.
What's wrong is him throwing his weight around.
(BELL DINGS) You go.
I'll finish up here.
Hey, gorgeous.
Your uncle's a genius, you know that? So he keeps telling us.
How can I help? There's a glaringly empty wall in my restaurant and I'm just looking for something to fill the void.
Well, everything in here is for sale.
And we have more out back I can bring out.
Yeah, no, this crafty crap isn't gonna cut it, I'm afraid.
But, uh, I keep hearing about this Dennis chap who's the hot ticket with the Euro crowd.
You got anything of his? Uh, maybe.
I'm just looking for something to lease to impress the visiting Richie Riches.
So, if you've got anything that fits the bill, why don't you bring it on down and we'll see how it hangs.
Get it? See how it hangs.
See what I did there? Yep.
It's a picture.
I see.
Yeah.
And I'll see what I can do.
Good girl.
So, seeing anyone new? I only just broke up with Emma.
Right.
Still not over it.
She was the love of my life, Billy.
I think it might take a couple of weeks.
Don't look up.
Don't make eye contact.
Hey.
Hey.
You need to be careful.
She's out to get you.
Out to get me how? Well, you're a loner now.
She'll sense this and pounce, like a cheetah.
Shay! Oh, hey, Ollie.
What's up? Oh, just on my way to get lunch.
Are you still at the gallery? Sort of.
Got a project on.
Shouldn't you be at school? I have a loose relationship with schooling, especially when Dad needs someone to man the pumps.
OK.
I heard you and Ike had gone burger.
He's an idiot dumping you.
And who exactly told you that? He did.
You deserve better, Shay.
Way, way better.
Yeah, ta.
See you.
We want the front cover, obviously.
And a couple of inside spreads.
So basically, the whole paper? Yeah.
You're point being? Well, we have other stories to consider.
Such as? Has that pothole been filled? Yep.
There you go.
People have been complaining about that pothole for ages.
In the process, they created a whole new pothole nearby.
Yeah? We have a world-famous chef opening a world-class eatery.
Yes, I get it.
Not to mention the flow-on effect to the local economy with the influx of people coming to Weld to eat at this world-class eatery.
Understood.
In the off-season, George, when nothing happens, and usually we don't even publish the damn paper.
That is true.
Yes, I get all of that.
Terry told me you'd do this.
Do what? Pour cold water on the whole thing.
I'm not pouring cold water on anything.
Look, Terry's a great chef.
He really is.
And I'm sure your opening night will be great.
Except if it's like the one in Chippendale where he threw a meat cleaver at the owner.
The thing is, I'm just trying to prepare you for what happens after, when Terry gets bored or when Terry doesn't get what he wants or when Terry doesn't I have three sons, George.
I know about sibling rivalry, especially when the youngest happens to be the star that shines brightest.
Until he gets arrested.
Robbie and Terry walk a fine line because they're risk takers, like me.
I'm just worried that Terry will inevitably Worrying is for sheepdogs and old women, George.
Kai Nui will bring people, wealth and opportunity to Weld.
And I want you to get on board.
Front cover, two inside spreads and the back page.
Weld - gastronomic capital of the free world.
Yeah, teeny bit over the top, Gloria, but on the right track.
Oh, and you'll be making a speech at the opening too, by the way.
I will? You will.
I thought that was your territory.
Usually I would say a few words, but Terry asked for you to speak.
Of course he did.
You know we have to go soon, right? Mm-hm.
And you know you have to say nice things about him, right? It's like he's got the whole town wrapped around his little finger.
He always does going in.
It's his exit strategies where things fall apart.
Look, I really, really don't want him to mess up what I got here, Jan.
Understandable.
So isn't it my duty, as a citizen of the world, of THIS world, to warn people about what could go wrong? In principle, yes, but beware the boy who cried wolf.
Yes, but at the end of that story, there was a wolf and it eats all the sheep.
And the boy.
So I should just keep my warnings to myself, then? And fill the paper with sweetness and light.
Ha! Hmph.
IKE: Hey.
Not speaking to you.
Are you OK? Yeah, just fine, thanks, after hearing Ollie tell me how you dumped me.
What? I never said that.
He asked if we were still going out and I said, "Not so much.
" Ike the Honest, had to give him a story.
Hey, I wasn't gonna lie, Shay.
Lying is what this is all about.
No, it's about you trying to control me.
I just want you to see that what you're doing is wrong.
That's the same thing! No, not really.
Yeah, really.
So what? What am I meant to say when people ask about us? Just be honest and say, 'Yeah, we're over.
' Because honesty is what you're all about, right? (LOW HUMMING) Seriously? Hello? Bad idea getting a flying robot to do your dirty work.
I thought it was cool.
(CHUCKLES) No, it's creepy.
What, this? No.
No, it's not.
Yes, it is.
Um, OK, you're dying of a heart attack and it's rush hour traffic, so an ambulance can't get through, but a drone can deliver a defibrillator.
Creepy? It's Weld.
The rush hour's like two cars.
They could throw the defibrillator.
I'm just saying, drones can do all kinds of cool stuff.
I can show you if you want.
(LOW HUMMING) You're a natural.
Yeah, it's like flying a kite.
Only not lame.
(LAUGHS) Oh, give it to me.
No, I'm only just getting the hang of it! No, trust me.
You are gonna love this.
(BOTH LAUGH) Eugh.
What is he doing? Sean's one of those winter swim nut bars.
Comes down every afternoon.
You should see him do his stretches.
Oh, no, I really do not want to see that.
(LAUGHS) Oh, stop him! Your wish is my command.
Oh.
(LAUGHS) (BOTH LAUGH) Serves him right for all the hoops he made me and Ike jump through.
Yeah, well, I made him pay for it.
(CHUCKLES) You really did.
Thank you.
Hey, um, I've got to go, but this has been awesome.
We should do it again sometime.
Yeah, yeah, sure.
I'm on the warpath and I won't stop until I find that conniving thief of a brother of yours.
What's he done now? He's poached Hannah.
From the boat club? No, George.
In a pan of boiling water.
Yes, from the boat club.
She handed in her notice by text with emoji.
I'm so sorry.
She can sleep with whoever she likes, and I get why she might think that he's hot.
But, seriously Sorry They're sleeping together? Do you always have to be the last person to find out what's going on? Women love him and he loves them back.
Then he leaves them.
Usually without telling them why.
The why being that he is a narcissist of epic proportions who does whatever Terry wants whenever he wants it.
Sometimes these women want to try and kill Terry, but till now, Terry's older brother has stopped them.
That may change.
Do you seriously think a row of sad faces is the best way to tell me you're leaving? Oh, George.
If you're here to vent your disapproval, join the queue.
I'm not leaving leaving, like I'm breaking up with you.
She's just changing jobs for a bit.
It happens in our business.
It's also called loyalty, Terry.
I can fight my own battles, thank you, George.
But he is right about the loyalty thing.
I get to be maitre d', Fiona.
This is a pretty cool gig for me.
And it's not like you and I have an employment contract, is it? You could have at least talked to me about it first.
(SIGHS) I didn't know about this offer until last night.
What about when the restaurant shuts down? I don't know.
I'll go back to my other job, I guess.
Maybe.
If it's still there.
No, that was actually George's way of asking what my intentions are with Hannah.
Oh.
I think you made those pretty clear the night we met.
(GIGGLES) Not those intentions.
Longer-term intentions.
Isn't that right? See, George thinks I have a reputation.
Reputations are earned, Terry.
He thinks I fall in with the wrong women.
No.
They fall in with the wrong you.
And then I leave them.
Ah! And there may be the smallest amount of truth in that, I must confess.
Well.
Were any of these women me? They most certainly were not.
I just don't want to see you getting hurt.
OK.
I am not some sappy little twinkie.
I'm a big girl and I can look after myself.
So you can go, and take all this judgy-judgy with you, before I start asking the two of you questions about what's going on there, eh? Out of here.
You know, everyone's welcomed me into this town except for you, George.
Looking forward to hearing your speech, by the way.
For the record, you're right.
About what? That Hannah should be worried.
I know ratbags, and your brother - no offence - is one.
Then why can't she see that? She can.
It's part of the attraction.
Yeah.
I hate that.
'Cause you're nothing like your brother.
Just because I'm angry at Hannah and you're angry at your brother, doesn't mean we're anything.
Unless you've had a change of heart.
Thought so.
(ENGINE STARTS) (HAIRDRYER HUMS) (TURNS OFF HAIRDRYER, DIALS PHONE) Hi, Robbie! Shay Turner here.
I have what you're looking for.
So what's this meeting about? I know as much as you do, Jared, which is nothing.
Are you saying I'm dumb? No.
I mean about the meeting.
But if the shoe fits (GIGGLES) How's Emma? (QUIETLY) Cheetah.
Emma is nothing to do with you.
I liked her, that's all.
I can ask how she is, can't I? No, you can't.
Right.
Hello, everyone.
If I can have your attention.
Mr McNamara and I have some great news.
Hannah? Whoa, that's brave.
Yeah.
But she's fallen for him in a way that they all do.
No, no.
I mean, that's brave for Uncle Terry.
Hannah kinda scares me.
Why does Hannah scare you? She just does.
Dad was just saying that she's hooked up with Uncle Terry.
OK, I can see that.
Yeah, except that he's worried about Hannah.
Has he met Hannah? Don't you remember the parade of crying waitresses back in Sydney? Or the husband who came after me because he thought I was Terry? Ha.
That was kind of funny.
Or the thing with the neighbours? The one in the spa pool? Or the one with the bucket bong? (CHUCKLES) Either.
Both.
Dad, Terry is just that guy.
You can't change that.
And if he wants to hook up with Hannah, then good luck to them.
It's not like we're the experts on romance.
So not rocking that party.
Hey, what are you even doing here? Aren't you supposed to be working at the boat club about now? Yeah, about that.
Um I kind of have another job now.
Now, these are the lowest of the low minimum wage jobs.
Are we cool with that? Hands up who's on board.
This employment will also count as credit towards NCEA.
Does Fiona know this? Yeah.
Yeah, I texted her just before.
George, you know how a kitchen works.
We need extra bodies to do the donkey work.
Not the body of my son.
Look, we had a labour shortage and we solved the problem.
Me and my boys will train the Food Tech kids.
They get extra credit and earn a little bit of pocket money.
That old principal seems to dig the idea.
In fact, everyone seems happy about it except you.
Taste that.
Too much cumin.
Barbarian.
Don't even know why I bother to ask.
Because you know I've got better tastebuds than you.
I mean, I'm having enough problems with Arlo as it is without you adding to them.
So he ditches the dorky subjects to do something that he loves, and that's a problem? Just leave the parenting to me, thank you very much.
Working in a kitchen used to be your dream, George.
What happened to you? You happened to me.
This is about the taco truck, isn't it? What? No.
Actually, yes.
The one and only time we went into business together was when we were young.
A taco truck - the Four Tacos of the Apocalypse - because each day we would offer four different tacos - two of his choice and two of mine.
You never understood what I was trying to do with those tacos.
Your tacos never sold! Mine did! Yeah, well, I was ahead of the curve when it came to sweetbreads! While my food kept the truck afloat, Terry used it to chat up the surfer girls, and then go to war with the rival taco truck.
Oh, come on! They were Italian! What are Italians even doing running a taco truck? When you and I are so authentically Mexican! It was a turf war and you blinked.
They beat the crap out of you! I saved your life by shutting us down! Thus setting the pattern for all that was to follow.
No, man, that's not true.
It is.
That's why I don't want Arlo turning into you.
The me who's got three pumping restaurants soon to be four? No, the you who lives his life without responsibility, not caring who gets hurt.
Your son will not be harmed in the making of this triumph.
Have a little faith.
Why should I? Everything I asked you not to do while you were here, you've done the opposite.
But if you play silly buggers with Arlo's life that's it last straw.
You disappear from my world.
To the left.
Left.
No, my left.
And people pay big bucks for this, do they? Dennis is an exceptional talent.
Ah, my favourite niece, and so early in the morning.
That's interesting.
Local artist.
Big deal in Europe, apparently.
Go, Europe.
I think you can do a thousand times better.
Nope, I'm pretty much the same.
I know we're not anything, but I just wanted to give you this to apologise for my brother who is currently filleting you of your workers.
Well, I do like wine.
But the truth is, I could barely afford Hannah let alone Arlo, so, probably for the best.
No, take it.
You're being far too gracious about it all.
Tell me about it.
I'm even going to the damn opening.
Well, the food will be sensational.
Just get it while it's hot.
You don't think he's gonna stick around, do you? Historically, not his favourite option.
And you're worried he's gonna leave everyone in the kaka.
Also a likelihood.
How old was Terry when your dad died? 14.
Why? I know fatherhood's a touchy subject, but you kinda act like his dad.
(CHUCKLES) Somebody had to.
And doing the right thing's your thing, eh? It's a good quality in a person.
See, I told you he'd be in here.
No fun being the boring one, is it, George? No fun at all.
But being boring is like your art form, Dad.
I wouldn't say I was boring.
Boring people never do.
And even if they did, no-one would hear, 'cause they're all too busy listening to Robbie or Terry.
You're not impressed with the newest McNamara venture? While Robbie wows one and all by merely bending over and letting the sun's rays work their magic, I'm back here with the rest of the chopped liver.
Big Mac seems to be lapping it up.
The Terrys and Robbies of this world can do no wrong.
Haven't you worked that out yet? They remain the pride and joy, while you and I are forced into the shadows like the bitter killjoys that everyone thinks we are.
The boring people.
I'm not a bitter killjoy or boring.
It's alright.
It skips a generation.
Shay and Arlo should be fine.
Glad you've finally clambered aboard, George.
Well done.
Gloria did a lot of the work.
She always does.
And do I get a 'well done'? Let me know if you want me to write a follow-up story about how you're going bankrupt.
I'd rather you concentrated on your speech.
Yeah, about that The speech talking up your brother, the town, their hopes and dreams.
In other words, proving what a party pooper you aren't.
You're our man of words! And nobody tells it quite like family, do they? (DRONE BUZZES) Ollie! It's funny when we do it to Sean.
Otherwise not so much.
So, do you want to go to the opening? I'm already going.
It's my uncle's restaurant.
Oh, right.
Well, I'll see you there, then, 'cause I'm working there.
So, it's a date.
In the broadest sense of the word.
Sweet.
First day nerves? No, not really.
But maybe.
OK, yeah, definitely.
You'll be fine.
You'll learn a lot from Terry.
Just don't let him or any of his crew talk you into doing anything you don't want to do.
Like slicing onions all day.
That's not what I meant.
You're talking about THEM like they're moral degenerates.
They're just kitchen people.
Yeah, Dad.
What's the worse that can happen? (EXHALES) Yeah, it's gonna be great.
Alright, front of house - be polite and circulate.
Kitchen peeps - you all have your assignments and you're working with the finest, so do exactly as they tell you and you'll be sweet.
So, are we ready to rock this party? ALL: (DEMURELY) Yep.
Listen, you guys are gonna smash this thing right out of the park.
Alright? So are we ready to rock this party? (ENTHUSIASTICALLY) Yeah! Alright, that's much better.
MAN: Alright, let's start prepping this salad.
What's an amuse bush when it's at home? Amuse-bouche, and it's like another name for hors d'oeuvre.
If you say so.
Is Emma coming? No, she isn't.
Why not? I thought she was the best thing that ever happened to you.
OK, Lindsay, you got me.
The long distance thing didn't work out, OK, so Emma and I aren't together anymore.
It's over, so just leave me alone.
When Terry was four, I watched him invent a potato chip and apricot jam sandwich.
The look on his face was one of pure unadulterated joy.
And I've seen that look many times since.
Always in the kitchen.
That's how Terry feels about what he does.
And what, if we're lucky he shares with us on nights like this one.
SHAY: Haven't you finished that thing yet? Wow.
Just look at you.
You won't be ashamed to have me on your arm at such an occasion? I would be proud beyond all belief.
I just wish your mother was here to see you.
Me too.
Now finish your damn speech.
(LOW-LEVEL CONVERSATION) Um, names? Look under Turner.
Try smiling, Dad.
(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYS) Who are these people? She won't go back there, Dad.
She's way too bright for that.
Thank you.
I need to speak to Tom.
Are you gonna be OK on your own for a bit? Yeah, go.
Do what you need.
No need to worry about me.
Hey! You're here.
Of course.
Made especially for you.
By Uncle Terry and his team of willing slaves.
Willing slaves are the best sort to have.
Stop chatting up pretty girls and start circulating, mate.
Shay, your painting's been a bit of a hit.
Dennis' painting.
Yeah, whatever.
People are asking about it.
MAN: How long for that caprese and prosciutto? MAN 2: Plating up now.
We're nearly there.
We're nearly there.
Hey, it's conf-ee.
They're not confit.
Your sister looks hot tonight.
Whatever.
Just go.
MAN: Fire up that lamb.
Hey, we're running low on wontons, so should I start plating the rouleau? Sorry.
Chef.
You go for it, kid.
You're a natural, Arlo! MAN: OK, more drinks out of the fridge, please.
You must be bummed about Emma.
I'm here to work, Lindsay, and so are you.
Daniel left me on the side of the road in Balls.
What? Balls.
It's a town.
He said I was driving him mad.
Made me get out of the car and then drove away.
So I know what it feels like.
And I was just trying to tell you that it sucks and I really am sorry.
Come on, let's get those fishes going, mate.
It doesn't say 'plus one'.
No, just you, Miss Dennis.
Yeah, and I'm nobody's plus one, either, mate.
Wow! Get you, you sexy thing.
Not too bad for a small town surfer chick, eh? You look sensational.
Thanks, George.
You know, he's not so bad, that brother of yours.
You should really cut him some slack.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have been instructed to charm the hell out of the room.
They're rouleau de fruits de mer.
Hey, um, how's Arlo getting on back there? So into it.
I think the Sydney hipsters want to adopt him.
Dad, you have to stop looking at Arlo and seeing Terry.
George, can you help? We've got this situation outside.
Mate, I built half this joint.
But you're not on the list.
I hurried the consent through council, possibly breaking a few laws.
I should be on top of the list! But you're not ON the list.
He got in.
He doesn't even like his brother.
And I provided the cheese! What's going on, Jared? Uncle Robbie said that I can't let anyone in who's not on the list, and they're not on the list.
Oh, yeah! Not even a plus one.
How low is that? Terry said I should come.
Did Terry talk to you at all about the invite list? No, just Uncle Robbie.
Typical.
I'm sorry, but my brother is not very good when it comes to details like who gets invited.
Just wait here and I'll see if I can sort something out.
Flag that.
We should rush the door.
Please! This is worth three NCA credits.
Oh, forget it.
I don't go where I'm not wanted.
All these flash city people would be eating beans on toast if I hadn't have caught the kaimoana.
You tell your brother the price has just doubled.
Yeah, too right.
Who wants real traditional Weld food? Fish and chips on the beach? ALL: Yeah, alright.
Shit cheese is for posers anyway.
Yeah, come on, babe.
You can be my plus one.
But I was looking forward to the yummy food.
Sorry about this.
Don't be.
This is exactly the sort of crap my brother brings with him.
Names? Half the locals who made this place possible have just been turned away at the door.
So? They weren't on the list, mate.
But this place doesn't exist without them, their work.
Take a look around you, George.
Tonight isn't about them.
Tonight's about getting the bills paid.
So if a few locals have got their noses out of joint, too bad.
I'll sort them out later with a cheap meal, if they can get a booking.
Oh, and another thing, that speech you were gonna make won't be necessary.
But your father asked me.
Yeah, I know, but I think it's more appropriate he speaks, seeing as he's paying for the whole thing.
And you think this place is gonna fail.
Paoka roulettes? My Uncle Terry may be a mess in many ways, but when it comes to food I need you to do me a favour.
Stay here.
If they keep bringing me food, not a problem.
Where are you going? Anywhere that isn't here.
I need you to keep an eye on Arlo.
You mean make sure he's not doing tequila shots with the kitchen crew.
Sure, no probs.
What happened to your speech? Lost in translation.
Well, at least you still wrote it and thought it, even though you didn't get to say it.
Thanks.
I'll be back later.
Just a few words, that's all.
No, I hate that kind of thing.
Thought George had it covered.
Yeah, George decided he didn't want to speak.
George, are you off? Word is there's fish and chips on the beach.
Can I come too? Isn't it your family duty to stay here? Probably.
I should have told Robbie what he can do with his family duty when he told me I couldn't bring Siouxsie, 'cause she scares people.
Enjoying yourself? Food is awesome.
It's nice to get dressed up.
I'm not entirely sure about the clientele.
Yeah, that pretty much covers it.
What happened to your dad? He left.
Is he OK? I don't know, Fiona.
You tell me.
What happened with you two? Um, why? What has he said? That you stepped back, backed off or whatever it is you say when you're breaking up, even though you two are totally into each other.
Um, it's complicated.
Because of Jan and the babies? They might not even be his.
It's still complicated.
But it is about babies.
Just not Jan's babies.
Other potential future babies, or not.
Oh.
(LAUGHTER) There she is.
Where's Katie? Uh, no idea.
It doesn't matter.
You'll do.
Rae, here, is interested in Dennis' latest masterpiece.
This one? I already have a couple.
They're great investment pieces, and I think this may be his best one yet.
I'm not sure this one's for sale.
(LAUGHS) Pull the other one.
Dennis would sell iceblocks to Eskimos if he could.
Of course it's for sale.
That's unsigned.
Which is why we can't sell it.
No, no, no, we'll get Katie to get Dennis to provide a letter of authentication.
He can sign it next time he's home.
I don't think he's ever coming home, actually.
Nonsense! I was talking to him the other day.
He can't wait to get back.
Oh, you talk to him, do you? All the time.
Hey, I'll tell you what.
Katie will knock off a few thou for the inconvenience.
I'm not sure we can make those sort of promises Trust me.
She can do with the sale.
(CHUCKLES) Now, a piece like this, Rae, is worth 30 thou easy.
But, for you, today, 25,000.
It's a one-time-only offer.
Take it or leave it.
I'll take it.
Be a fool not to.
Sold! (GLASSES CLINK) Katie's gonna be rapt! (LAUGHTER) Crab and cabernet sauvignon's all very nice, but you can't beat a good honest potato, can you, George? Too right, yeah.
What if mysteriously, the next batch of seafood that Zac delivers is somehow infected with a toxin that makes everyone projectile vomit? No, my stuff's fresh as.
Give me two hours on the internet, I'll find exactly what we need.
No, hang on, hang on.
Why would we want to do that? Revenge for being excluded.
Right.
That would make George's brother look bad, and it wasn't really his fault.
Plus, everyone booking at the restaurant are bringing in many rental dollars.
I took more in the store today than I have in the last month.
SEAN: If Weld gets discovered, think of all the building permits.
WOODY: Think of all the buildings! TRACEY: School role might go up.
You could start a fleet of taxi buggies, Ike.
Yeah! OK, OK, it was just a suggestion.
(LAUGHTER) (ALL SPEAK AT ONCE) They're a forgiving bunch, aren't they? They're realists.
There are bigger things in life than not being invited to a party.
(LAUGHTER) Come on.
Meet your adoring public.
Oh! Do I have to? Ha! Shut up.
You know you love it.
Come on.
Thank you very much.
Thank you for coming.
FIONA: You really like this guy, eh? Yeah.
He's totally awesome, in every way, actually.
Good for you.
If you tell anyone I said that, I will deny it.
Fancy a roadie? Oh, actually, I'm gonna call it a night.
Well, I'm all yours if you want a lift.
Thanks, Robbie.
I'm good.
How do you put up with him? Could have gone away when he came back, I suppose.
Should have gone away.
But you didn't.
This is where I live.
Me and my girl.
I can't imagine living anywhere else.
We've been trying to figure out how much it would cost to eat at your brother's restaurant.
The restaurant of both of your brothers.
Humungous amounts.
50 a main? (GEORGE CHUCKLES) Seriously? Mm.
If you're looking at what it costs, you shouldn't be eating there.
It's not really very Weld, is it, the whole fine-dining thing? I guess it isn't.
Not that it really matters, 'cause you'll never eat there.
I might! On a flash night out.
Saved up.
No, I mean it's booked up for the next six months.
What happened to it popping up for three months? I've heard Robbie on the phone taking deposits for tables way after that.
You're thinking your brother will be long gone by then, aren't you? I've given up warning people about Terry's ability to cut and run.
When add Robbie to the mix, what could possibly go wrong? At least then Weld will go back to being Weld again.
I wish it was that easy.
Isn't it? Well, not if he leaves Hannah a mess or Big Mac loses all his money or Arlo joins the Terry circus.
Arlo's one thing, but the others can look after themselves.
They're not your problem.
I wish.
But when it comes to Terry and me, it doesn't really work that way.
GEORGE: (NARRATES) As a grown-up, you take your responsibilities seriously.
That's what being an adult is all about.
So I've always thought of my brother as my responsibility.
That it was my job to clean up whatever mess he left behind.
(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYS) You should have seen him.
He knew what to do and everyone did as he said.
Your brother's the man.
MAN: Shots? Oh, no, thank you.
We actually have school in the morning.
Right, Lindsay? Yeah.
I'm good, thanks.
Hey, there.
Did you need someone to walk you home? Asking me yourself instead of getting your creepy little flying friend to do it? Progress, Ollie.
So, tick yes? Tick yes.
GEORGE: (NARRATES) A long time ago, for various reasons, I decided my brother was my responsibility.
So when he turned up here at Weld, I worried about the chaos he would leave behind.
Now I worry about the damage he'll do while he's still here.
Hey, Mum, did you know that if you eat the worm at the bottom of the tequila bottle, you see naked ladies? What on earth? You OK? Yes.
Yes, I just I didn't remember Dennis' latest work being so Is Shay still here? Uh, no.
She walked home with Ollie.
Arlo in the kitchen? Yep.
We'll get going.
See you, George.
See you.
(SLURS) George! Still pouring your cold water when all around you are the signs of unparalleled success? (CHUCKLES) Not that I'm aware of, Big Mac.
ROBBIE: Come on, Dad.
It's time to get you home.
(MUMBLES) OK.
Rae Hey, Dad! Where's your uncle? Out the back.
OK, wait in the car, Arlo.
You too, Lindsay, if you want a ride.
So is he cool with this? No.
He's definitely not cool.
Cheers, to the good night.
Whoo! Whoo-hoo! Cheers, eh? (LAUGHTER) Well, here he is - my sensible big brother.
Come back to tell me off again? Even though we smashed it out of the park, didn't we? Whoo-hoo! Yes! I'm just here to take my son home.
He's a star, George.
He's the new me.
Of you if you weren't such a pussy.
Good to know.
And I hope you're happy now that you've got everyone's hopes up.
Before you abandon them.
Terry! Couldn't even be arsed to say a few nice words about your little brother, huh? Yeah.
You're a real triumph, Terry.
Take care.
GEORGE: (NARRATES) This week I had to write a speech that I ended up not giving.
It was about my brother, who, when he was just a little kid, I saw teetering at the top of a staircase and, my heart in my mouth, I ran over and pulled him back before he fell.
He just laughed headed straight back to the stairs and threw himself down them to see what it was like.
And that, over and over again, is the story of my brother and I.
.
It's morning, Uncle Terry.
Ah, it's all relative.
We're all relatives, you know, relatively speaking.
What can I tell you about my brother Terry that doesn't make me sound like the grumpy old fart he says I am? Column? Speech.
Cutting it fine.
We haven't seen much of you lately.
I'm opening a fine-dining experience, and that takes long hours.
Well, that would explain the reek of tequila.
No idea how that happened.
(LAUGHS) Say yes.
Yes! (LAUGHS) Anyone need a lift, I'm leaving in ten.
Oh, sweet.
I'll grab a shower.
Haven't you just come from work? Shay, it's a fine-dining experience, not a fish and chips shop.
Which demands I put in hours.
Actually, I'm doing my own version of fish and chips.
Mind-blowing.
The triple-cooked one with the polenta coating, from your book? You made it? Yeah, well, Dad helped the first few times.
(LAUGHS) Thank you, Arlo.
Thank you for the awesome recipe.
I think you just helped me solve a problem.
I did? He's a born entertainer, a natural in the spotlight, and if you haven't already, you will not be able to resist falling in love with him.
Until suddenly he's gone, where you find him crying in an alleyway, or he's curled up in a foetal ball on your kitchen floor, begging you to forgive him one more time.
(THEME MUSIC) 2x14 You do remember where the all-night, all-day lifestyle got you in the past, right? It was just a couple of drinks with the crew while we sorted the booze list.
Besides, I should be the one worrying about you.
The recent failed relationship.
It's not failed.
It's just on hold.
Knocking up your wife's best mate.
Not proven yet.
With twins with our family history.
Yeah, I'm well aware of our family history, thanks.
All I'm saying is the mess that your life's in, I look like a saint.
Hey, Bren, how's my pecorino? Just dropped it off.
The best that these Friesian sheep can produce.
Love you.
Oh.
(GIGGLES) Right, so you and Jan decided to procreate after a long sober thought? Dougie boy, how's it going? My finest work brining as we speak.
The unspeakable gherkin-shaped body parts? Your brother, George hard case.
So, Jan and the babies - you think she planned it? What?! Has it even occurred to you that she might have lured you into this whole baby daddy trap on purpose? (LAUGHS) No.
Come on, man, she's been giving you the longing look way before Laura even died.
You're only saying that because she doesn't like you.
She thinks I'm a wastrel.
Well, you haven't exactly done anything to challenge that perception, have you? Yo, Terry.
Yo, Zac.
How we doing? Kaimoana all sorted.
Hey, George.
Zac.
The paua? The crays, the kahawai, the hapuku, and yes, the paua.
And, uh, what about that other thing? Got someone up in the bush harvesting that as we speak.
Um, harvesting what? Paoka, George.
Pork.
Oh.
Jeez, he's been here how long? He still doesn't know the lingo.
(CHUCKLES) George tries his best.
Everything will be there at the agreed time and the agreed price.
You're the man, Zac.
I know.
George.
Zac.
OK, if Jan was trying to trap me, how come Zac's in the running? It was Guy Fawkes night.
How could she resist him? You're here for five minutes and you know everything about everything.
I have my sources.
So, do you like the name? Means 'good food'.
Or 'lots of food'.
I don't actually know.
Just like the way it looks.
Good for you.
Oh, here he is, my golden Aussie goose.
Hey, we need to talk about the guest list for the opening, man.
No, I don't care about that, but I have solved an actual problem.
Hey! Here to give the younger brother a hand, eh? Just wanted to see how it's coming along.
Yeah, flash joint like this right here in Weld.
There'll be no putting your chips in your burgers here.
Don't you think it's a bit A bit what? A bit much.
A bit much what? A bit much of everything.
I mean, how much do you reckon this is all costing? By my calculations buckets.
And you're not worried it's another music festival fiasco? No, it's not Robbie writing the cheques.
And anyway, I'm doing it for Tezza.
Mate, he can charm the birds out of trees, that bloke.
In fact, I actually think I saw him talking to a native wood pigeon.
And, George, they're as rare as well, native wood pigeons, mate.
Yeah, as long as he didn't kill it and eat it.
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Am I detecting a whiff of brotherly wet blanket? No, not at all.
Yeah, well, look, this used to be the world's worst Chinese restaurant, OK.
Your brother could serve up Vegemite on toast, he'd be doing Weld a favour.
How can that possibly be a bad thing, George? SHAY: We're getting really good at this.
I'll email him and tell him they're on their way.
Oh, internet's down.
You haven't called Ike to fix it? Uh, no.
Still like that, is it? Uh, yes.
This isn't good, Shay.
Feels wrong that all this has come between you two.
What's wrong is him throwing his weight around.
(BELL DINGS) You go.
I'll finish up here.
Hey, gorgeous.
Your uncle's a genius, you know that? So he keeps telling us.
How can I help? There's a glaringly empty wall in my restaurant and I'm just looking for something to fill the void.
Well, everything in here is for sale.
And we have more out back I can bring out.
Yeah, no, this crafty crap isn't gonna cut it, I'm afraid.
But, uh, I keep hearing about this Dennis chap who's the hot ticket with the Euro crowd.
You got anything of his? Uh, maybe.
I'm just looking for something to lease to impress the visiting Richie Riches.
So, if you've got anything that fits the bill, why don't you bring it on down and we'll see how it hangs.
Get it? See how it hangs.
See what I did there? Yep.
It's a picture.
I see.
Yeah.
And I'll see what I can do.
Good girl.
So, seeing anyone new? I only just broke up with Emma.
Right.
Still not over it.
She was the love of my life, Billy.
I think it might take a couple of weeks.
Don't look up.
Don't make eye contact.
Hey.
Hey.
You need to be careful.
She's out to get you.
Out to get me how? Well, you're a loner now.
She'll sense this and pounce, like a cheetah.
Shay! Oh, hey, Ollie.
What's up? Oh, just on my way to get lunch.
Are you still at the gallery? Sort of.
Got a project on.
Shouldn't you be at school? I have a loose relationship with schooling, especially when Dad needs someone to man the pumps.
OK.
I heard you and Ike had gone burger.
He's an idiot dumping you.
And who exactly told you that? He did.
You deserve better, Shay.
Way, way better.
Yeah, ta.
See you.
We want the front cover, obviously.
And a couple of inside spreads.
So basically, the whole paper? Yeah.
You're point being? Well, we have other stories to consider.
Such as? Has that pothole been filled? Yep.
There you go.
People have been complaining about that pothole for ages.
In the process, they created a whole new pothole nearby.
Yeah? We have a world-famous chef opening a world-class eatery.
Yes, I get it.
Not to mention the flow-on effect to the local economy with the influx of people coming to Weld to eat at this world-class eatery.
Understood.
In the off-season, George, when nothing happens, and usually we don't even publish the damn paper.
That is true.
Yes, I get all of that.
Terry told me you'd do this.
Do what? Pour cold water on the whole thing.
I'm not pouring cold water on anything.
Look, Terry's a great chef.
He really is.
And I'm sure your opening night will be great.
Except if it's like the one in Chippendale where he threw a meat cleaver at the owner.
The thing is, I'm just trying to prepare you for what happens after, when Terry gets bored or when Terry doesn't get what he wants or when Terry doesn't I have three sons, George.
I know about sibling rivalry, especially when the youngest happens to be the star that shines brightest.
Until he gets arrested.
Robbie and Terry walk a fine line because they're risk takers, like me.
I'm just worried that Terry will inevitably Worrying is for sheepdogs and old women, George.
Kai Nui will bring people, wealth and opportunity to Weld.
And I want you to get on board.
Front cover, two inside spreads and the back page.
Weld - gastronomic capital of the free world.
Yeah, teeny bit over the top, Gloria, but on the right track.
Oh, and you'll be making a speech at the opening too, by the way.
I will? You will.
I thought that was your territory.
Usually I would say a few words, but Terry asked for you to speak.
Of course he did.
You know we have to go soon, right? Mm-hm.
And you know you have to say nice things about him, right? It's like he's got the whole town wrapped around his little finger.
He always does going in.
It's his exit strategies where things fall apart.
Look, I really, really don't want him to mess up what I got here, Jan.
Understandable.
So isn't it my duty, as a citizen of the world, of THIS world, to warn people about what could go wrong? In principle, yes, but beware the boy who cried wolf.
Yes, but at the end of that story, there was a wolf and it eats all the sheep.
And the boy.
So I should just keep my warnings to myself, then? And fill the paper with sweetness and light.
Ha! Hmph.
IKE: Hey.
Not speaking to you.
Are you OK? Yeah, just fine, thanks, after hearing Ollie tell me how you dumped me.
What? I never said that.
He asked if we were still going out and I said, "Not so much.
" Ike the Honest, had to give him a story.
Hey, I wasn't gonna lie, Shay.
Lying is what this is all about.
No, it's about you trying to control me.
I just want you to see that what you're doing is wrong.
That's the same thing! No, not really.
Yeah, really.
So what? What am I meant to say when people ask about us? Just be honest and say, 'Yeah, we're over.
' Because honesty is what you're all about, right? (LOW HUMMING) Seriously? Hello? Bad idea getting a flying robot to do your dirty work.
I thought it was cool.
(CHUCKLES) No, it's creepy.
What, this? No.
No, it's not.
Yes, it is.
Um, OK, you're dying of a heart attack and it's rush hour traffic, so an ambulance can't get through, but a drone can deliver a defibrillator.
Creepy? It's Weld.
The rush hour's like two cars.
They could throw the defibrillator.
I'm just saying, drones can do all kinds of cool stuff.
I can show you if you want.
(LOW HUMMING) You're a natural.
Yeah, it's like flying a kite.
Only not lame.
(LAUGHS) Oh, give it to me.
No, I'm only just getting the hang of it! No, trust me.
You are gonna love this.
(BOTH LAUGH) Eugh.
What is he doing? Sean's one of those winter swim nut bars.
Comes down every afternoon.
You should see him do his stretches.
Oh, no, I really do not want to see that.
(LAUGHS) Oh, stop him! Your wish is my command.
Oh.
(LAUGHS) (BOTH LAUGH) Serves him right for all the hoops he made me and Ike jump through.
Yeah, well, I made him pay for it.
(CHUCKLES) You really did.
Thank you.
Hey, um, I've got to go, but this has been awesome.
We should do it again sometime.
Yeah, yeah, sure.
I'm on the warpath and I won't stop until I find that conniving thief of a brother of yours.
What's he done now? He's poached Hannah.
From the boat club? No, George.
In a pan of boiling water.
Yes, from the boat club.
She handed in her notice by text with emoji.
I'm so sorry.
She can sleep with whoever she likes, and I get why she might think that he's hot.
But, seriously Sorry They're sleeping together? Do you always have to be the last person to find out what's going on? Women love him and he loves them back.
Then he leaves them.
Usually without telling them why.
The why being that he is a narcissist of epic proportions who does whatever Terry wants whenever he wants it.
Sometimes these women want to try and kill Terry, but till now, Terry's older brother has stopped them.
That may change.
Do you seriously think a row of sad faces is the best way to tell me you're leaving? Oh, George.
If you're here to vent your disapproval, join the queue.
I'm not leaving leaving, like I'm breaking up with you.
She's just changing jobs for a bit.
It happens in our business.
It's also called loyalty, Terry.
I can fight my own battles, thank you, George.
But he is right about the loyalty thing.
I get to be maitre d', Fiona.
This is a pretty cool gig for me.
And it's not like you and I have an employment contract, is it? You could have at least talked to me about it first.
(SIGHS) I didn't know about this offer until last night.
What about when the restaurant shuts down? I don't know.
I'll go back to my other job, I guess.
Maybe.
If it's still there.
No, that was actually George's way of asking what my intentions are with Hannah.
Oh.
I think you made those pretty clear the night we met.
(GIGGLES) Not those intentions.
Longer-term intentions.
Isn't that right? See, George thinks I have a reputation.
Reputations are earned, Terry.
He thinks I fall in with the wrong women.
No.
They fall in with the wrong you.
And then I leave them.
Ah! And there may be the smallest amount of truth in that, I must confess.
Well.
Were any of these women me? They most certainly were not.
I just don't want to see you getting hurt.
OK.
I am not some sappy little twinkie.
I'm a big girl and I can look after myself.
So you can go, and take all this judgy-judgy with you, before I start asking the two of you questions about what's going on there, eh? Out of here.
You know, everyone's welcomed me into this town except for you, George.
Looking forward to hearing your speech, by the way.
For the record, you're right.
About what? That Hannah should be worried.
I know ratbags, and your brother - no offence - is one.
Then why can't she see that? She can.
It's part of the attraction.
Yeah.
I hate that.
'Cause you're nothing like your brother.
Just because I'm angry at Hannah and you're angry at your brother, doesn't mean we're anything.
Unless you've had a change of heart.
Thought so.
(ENGINE STARTS) (HAIRDRYER HUMS) (TURNS OFF HAIRDRYER, DIALS PHONE) Hi, Robbie! Shay Turner here.
I have what you're looking for.
So what's this meeting about? I know as much as you do, Jared, which is nothing.
Are you saying I'm dumb? No.
I mean about the meeting.
But if the shoe fits (GIGGLES) How's Emma? (QUIETLY) Cheetah.
Emma is nothing to do with you.
I liked her, that's all.
I can ask how she is, can't I? No, you can't.
Right.
Hello, everyone.
If I can have your attention.
Mr McNamara and I have some great news.
Hannah? Whoa, that's brave.
Yeah.
But she's fallen for him in a way that they all do.
No, no.
I mean, that's brave for Uncle Terry.
Hannah kinda scares me.
Why does Hannah scare you? She just does.
Dad was just saying that she's hooked up with Uncle Terry.
OK, I can see that.
Yeah, except that he's worried about Hannah.
Has he met Hannah? Don't you remember the parade of crying waitresses back in Sydney? Or the husband who came after me because he thought I was Terry? Ha.
That was kind of funny.
Or the thing with the neighbours? The one in the spa pool? Or the one with the bucket bong? (CHUCKLES) Either.
Both.
Dad, Terry is just that guy.
You can't change that.
And if he wants to hook up with Hannah, then good luck to them.
It's not like we're the experts on romance.
So not rocking that party.
Hey, what are you even doing here? Aren't you supposed to be working at the boat club about now? Yeah, about that.
Um I kind of have another job now.
Now, these are the lowest of the low minimum wage jobs.
Are we cool with that? Hands up who's on board.
This employment will also count as credit towards NCEA.
Does Fiona know this? Yeah.
Yeah, I texted her just before.
George, you know how a kitchen works.
We need extra bodies to do the donkey work.
Not the body of my son.
Look, we had a labour shortage and we solved the problem.
Me and my boys will train the Food Tech kids.
They get extra credit and earn a little bit of pocket money.
That old principal seems to dig the idea.
In fact, everyone seems happy about it except you.
Taste that.
Too much cumin.
Barbarian.
Don't even know why I bother to ask.
Because you know I've got better tastebuds than you.
I mean, I'm having enough problems with Arlo as it is without you adding to them.
So he ditches the dorky subjects to do something that he loves, and that's a problem? Just leave the parenting to me, thank you very much.
Working in a kitchen used to be your dream, George.
What happened to you? You happened to me.
This is about the taco truck, isn't it? What? No.
Actually, yes.
The one and only time we went into business together was when we were young.
A taco truck - the Four Tacos of the Apocalypse - because each day we would offer four different tacos - two of his choice and two of mine.
You never understood what I was trying to do with those tacos.
Your tacos never sold! Mine did! Yeah, well, I was ahead of the curve when it came to sweetbreads! While my food kept the truck afloat, Terry used it to chat up the surfer girls, and then go to war with the rival taco truck.
Oh, come on! They were Italian! What are Italians even doing running a taco truck? When you and I are so authentically Mexican! It was a turf war and you blinked.
They beat the crap out of you! I saved your life by shutting us down! Thus setting the pattern for all that was to follow.
No, man, that's not true.
It is.
That's why I don't want Arlo turning into you.
The me who's got three pumping restaurants soon to be four? No, the you who lives his life without responsibility, not caring who gets hurt.
Your son will not be harmed in the making of this triumph.
Have a little faith.
Why should I? Everything I asked you not to do while you were here, you've done the opposite.
But if you play silly buggers with Arlo's life that's it last straw.
You disappear from my world.
To the left.
Left.
No, my left.
And people pay big bucks for this, do they? Dennis is an exceptional talent.
Ah, my favourite niece, and so early in the morning.
That's interesting.
Local artist.
Big deal in Europe, apparently.
Go, Europe.
I think you can do a thousand times better.
Nope, I'm pretty much the same.
I know we're not anything, but I just wanted to give you this to apologise for my brother who is currently filleting you of your workers.
Well, I do like wine.
But the truth is, I could barely afford Hannah let alone Arlo, so, probably for the best.
No, take it.
You're being far too gracious about it all.
Tell me about it.
I'm even going to the damn opening.
Well, the food will be sensational.
Just get it while it's hot.
You don't think he's gonna stick around, do you? Historically, not his favourite option.
And you're worried he's gonna leave everyone in the kaka.
Also a likelihood.
How old was Terry when your dad died? 14.
Why? I know fatherhood's a touchy subject, but you kinda act like his dad.
(CHUCKLES) Somebody had to.
And doing the right thing's your thing, eh? It's a good quality in a person.
See, I told you he'd be in here.
No fun being the boring one, is it, George? No fun at all.
But being boring is like your art form, Dad.
I wouldn't say I was boring.
Boring people never do.
And even if they did, no-one would hear, 'cause they're all too busy listening to Robbie or Terry.
You're not impressed with the newest McNamara venture? While Robbie wows one and all by merely bending over and letting the sun's rays work their magic, I'm back here with the rest of the chopped liver.
Big Mac seems to be lapping it up.
The Terrys and Robbies of this world can do no wrong.
Haven't you worked that out yet? They remain the pride and joy, while you and I are forced into the shadows like the bitter killjoys that everyone thinks we are.
The boring people.
I'm not a bitter killjoy or boring.
It's alright.
It skips a generation.
Shay and Arlo should be fine.
Glad you've finally clambered aboard, George.
Well done.
Gloria did a lot of the work.
She always does.
And do I get a 'well done'? Let me know if you want me to write a follow-up story about how you're going bankrupt.
I'd rather you concentrated on your speech.
Yeah, about that The speech talking up your brother, the town, their hopes and dreams.
In other words, proving what a party pooper you aren't.
You're our man of words! And nobody tells it quite like family, do they? (DRONE BUZZES) Ollie! It's funny when we do it to Sean.
Otherwise not so much.
So, do you want to go to the opening? I'm already going.
It's my uncle's restaurant.
Oh, right.
Well, I'll see you there, then, 'cause I'm working there.
So, it's a date.
In the broadest sense of the word.
Sweet.
First day nerves? No, not really.
But maybe.
OK, yeah, definitely.
You'll be fine.
You'll learn a lot from Terry.
Just don't let him or any of his crew talk you into doing anything you don't want to do.
Like slicing onions all day.
That's not what I meant.
You're talking about THEM like they're moral degenerates.
They're just kitchen people.
Yeah, Dad.
What's the worse that can happen? (EXHALES) Yeah, it's gonna be great.
Alright, front of house - be polite and circulate.
Kitchen peeps - you all have your assignments and you're working with the finest, so do exactly as they tell you and you'll be sweet.
So, are we ready to rock this party? ALL: (DEMURELY) Yep.
Listen, you guys are gonna smash this thing right out of the park.
Alright? So are we ready to rock this party? (ENTHUSIASTICALLY) Yeah! Alright, that's much better.
MAN: Alright, let's start prepping this salad.
What's an amuse bush when it's at home? Amuse-bouche, and it's like another name for hors d'oeuvre.
If you say so.
Is Emma coming? No, she isn't.
Why not? I thought she was the best thing that ever happened to you.
OK, Lindsay, you got me.
The long distance thing didn't work out, OK, so Emma and I aren't together anymore.
It's over, so just leave me alone.
When Terry was four, I watched him invent a potato chip and apricot jam sandwich.
The look on his face was one of pure unadulterated joy.
And I've seen that look many times since.
Always in the kitchen.
That's how Terry feels about what he does.
And what, if we're lucky he shares with us on nights like this one.
SHAY: Haven't you finished that thing yet? Wow.
Just look at you.
You won't be ashamed to have me on your arm at such an occasion? I would be proud beyond all belief.
I just wish your mother was here to see you.
Me too.
Now finish your damn speech.
(LOW-LEVEL CONVERSATION) Um, names? Look under Turner.
Try smiling, Dad.
(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYS) Who are these people? She won't go back there, Dad.
She's way too bright for that.
Thank you.
I need to speak to Tom.
Are you gonna be OK on your own for a bit? Yeah, go.
Do what you need.
No need to worry about me.
Hey! You're here.
Of course.
Made especially for you.
By Uncle Terry and his team of willing slaves.
Willing slaves are the best sort to have.
Stop chatting up pretty girls and start circulating, mate.
Shay, your painting's been a bit of a hit.
Dennis' painting.
Yeah, whatever.
People are asking about it.
MAN: How long for that caprese and prosciutto? MAN 2: Plating up now.
We're nearly there.
We're nearly there.
Hey, it's conf-ee.
They're not confit.
Your sister looks hot tonight.
Whatever.
Just go.
MAN: Fire up that lamb.
Hey, we're running low on wontons, so should I start plating the rouleau? Sorry.
Chef.
You go for it, kid.
You're a natural, Arlo! MAN: OK, more drinks out of the fridge, please.
You must be bummed about Emma.
I'm here to work, Lindsay, and so are you.
Daniel left me on the side of the road in Balls.
What? Balls.
It's a town.
He said I was driving him mad.
Made me get out of the car and then drove away.
So I know what it feels like.
And I was just trying to tell you that it sucks and I really am sorry.
Come on, let's get those fishes going, mate.
It doesn't say 'plus one'.
No, just you, Miss Dennis.
Yeah, and I'm nobody's plus one, either, mate.
Wow! Get you, you sexy thing.
Not too bad for a small town surfer chick, eh? You look sensational.
Thanks, George.
You know, he's not so bad, that brother of yours.
You should really cut him some slack.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have been instructed to charm the hell out of the room.
They're rouleau de fruits de mer.
Hey, um, how's Arlo getting on back there? So into it.
I think the Sydney hipsters want to adopt him.
Dad, you have to stop looking at Arlo and seeing Terry.
George, can you help? We've got this situation outside.
Mate, I built half this joint.
But you're not on the list.
I hurried the consent through council, possibly breaking a few laws.
I should be on top of the list! But you're not ON the list.
He got in.
He doesn't even like his brother.
And I provided the cheese! What's going on, Jared? Uncle Robbie said that I can't let anyone in who's not on the list, and they're not on the list.
Oh, yeah! Not even a plus one.
How low is that? Terry said I should come.
Did Terry talk to you at all about the invite list? No, just Uncle Robbie.
Typical.
I'm sorry, but my brother is not very good when it comes to details like who gets invited.
Just wait here and I'll see if I can sort something out.
Flag that.
We should rush the door.
Please! This is worth three NCA credits.
Oh, forget it.
I don't go where I'm not wanted.
All these flash city people would be eating beans on toast if I hadn't have caught the kaimoana.
You tell your brother the price has just doubled.
Yeah, too right.
Who wants real traditional Weld food? Fish and chips on the beach? ALL: Yeah, alright.
Shit cheese is for posers anyway.
Yeah, come on, babe.
You can be my plus one.
But I was looking forward to the yummy food.
Sorry about this.
Don't be.
This is exactly the sort of crap my brother brings with him.
Names? Half the locals who made this place possible have just been turned away at the door.
So? They weren't on the list, mate.
But this place doesn't exist without them, their work.
Take a look around you, George.
Tonight isn't about them.
Tonight's about getting the bills paid.
So if a few locals have got their noses out of joint, too bad.
I'll sort them out later with a cheap meal, if they can get a booking.
Oh, and another thing, that speech you were gonna make won't be necessary.
But your father asked me.
Yeah, I know, but I think it's more appropriate he speaks, seeing as he's paying for the whole thing.
And you think this place is gonna fail.
Paoka roulettes? My Uncle Terry may be a mess in many ways, but when it comes to food I need you to do me a favour.
Stay here.
If they keep bringing me food, not a problem.
Where are you going? Anywhere that isn't here.
I need you to keep an eye on Arlo.
You mean make sure he's not doing tequila shots with the kitchen crew.
Sure, no probs.
What happened to your speech? Lost in translation.
Well, at least you still wrote it and thought it, even though you didn't get to say it.
Thanks.
I'll be back later.
Just a few words, that's all.
No, I hate that kind of thing.
Thought George had it covered.
Yeah, George decided he didn't want to speak.
George, are you off? Word is there's fish and chips on the beach.
Can I come too? Isn't it your family duty to stay here? Probably.
I should have told Robbie what he can do with his family duty when he told me I couldn't bring Siouxsie, 'cause she scares people.
Enjoying yourself? Food is awesome.
It's nice to get dressed up.
I'm not entirely sure about the clientele.
Yeah, that pretty much covers it.
What happened to your dad? He left.
Is he OK? I don't know, Fiona.
You tell me.
What happened with you two? Um, why? What has he said? That you stepped back, backed off or whatever it is you say when you're breaking up, even though you two are totally into each other.
Um, it's complicated.
Because of Jan and the babies? They might not even be his.
It's still complicated.
But it is about babies.
Just not Jan's babies.
Other potential future babies, or not.
Oh.
(LAUGHTER) There she is.
Where's Katie? Uh, no idea.
It doesn't matter.
You'll do.
Rae, here, is interested in Dennis' latest masterpiece.
This one? I already have a couple.
They're great investment pieces, and I think this may be his best one yet.
I'm not sure this one's for sale.
(LAUGHS) Pull the other one.
Dennis would sell iceblocks to Eskimos if he could.
Of course it's for sale.
That's unsigned.
Which is why we can't sell it.
No, no, no, we'll get Katie to get Dennis to provide a letter of authentication.
He can sign it next time he's home.
I don't think he's ever coming home, actually.
Nonsense! I was talking to him the other day.
He can't wait to get back.
Oh, you talk to him, do you? All the time.
Hey, I'll tell you what.
Katie will knock off a few thou for the inconvenience.
I'm not sure we can make those sort of promises Trust me.
She can do with the sale.
(CHUCKLES) Now, a piece like this, Rae, is worth 30 thou easy.
But, for you, today, 25,000.
It's a one-time-only offer.
Take it or leave it.
I'll take it.
Be a fool not to.
Sold! (GLASSES CLINK) Katie's gonna be rapt! (LAUGHTER) Crab and cabernet sauvignon's all very nice, but you can't beat a good honest potato, can you, George? Too right, yeah.
What if mysteriously, the next batch of seafood that Zac delivers is somehow infected with a toxin that makes everyone projectile vomit? No, my stuff's fresh as.
Give me two hours on the internet, I'll find exactly what we need.
No, hang on, hang on.
Why would we want to do that? Revenge for being excluded.
Right.
That would make George's brother look bad, and it wasn't really his fault.
Plus, everyone booking at the restaurant are bringing in many rental dollars.
I took more in the store today than I have in the last month.
SEAN: If Weld gets discovered, think of all the building permits.
WOODY: Think of all the buildings! TRACEY: School role might go up.
You could start a fleet of taxi buggies, Ike.
Yeah! OK, OK, it was just a suggestion.
(LAUGHTER) (ALL SPEAK AT ONCE) They're a forgiving bunch, aren't they? They're realists.
There are bigger things in life than not being invited to a party.
(LAUGHTER) Come on.
Meet your adoring public.
Oh! Do I have to? Ha! Shut up.
You know you love it.
Come on.
Thank you very much.
Thank you for coming.
FIONA: You really like this guy, eh? Yeah.
He's totally awesome, in every way, actually.
Good for you.
If you tell anyone I said that, I will deny it.
Fancy a roadie? Oh, actually, I'm gonna call it a night.
Well, I'm all yours if you want a lift.
Thanks, Robbie.
I'm good.
How do you put up with him? Could have gone away when he came back, I suppose.
Should have gone away.
But you didn't.
This is where I live.
Me and my girl.
I can't imagine living anywhere else.
We've been trying to figure out how much it would cost to eat at your brother's restaurant.
The restaurant of both of your brothers.
Humungous amounts.
50 a main? (GEORGE CHUCKLES) Seriously? Mm.
If you're looking at what it costs, you shouldn't be eating there.
It's not really very Weld, is it, the whole fine-dining thing? I guess it isn't.
Not that it really matters, 'cause you'll never eat there.
I might! On a flash night out.
Saved up.
No, I mean it's booked up for the next six months.
What happened to it popping up for three months? I've heard Robbie on the phone taking deposits for tables way after that.
You're thinking your brother will be long gone by then, aren't you? I've given up warning people about Terry's ability to cut and run.
When add Robbie to the mix, what could possibly go wrong? At least then Weld will go back to being Weld again.
I wish it was that easy.
Isn't it? Well, not if he leaves Hannah a mess or Big Mac loses all his money or Arlo joins the Terry circus.
Arlo's one thing, but the others can look after themselves.
They're not your problem.
I wish.
But when it comes to Terry and me, it doesn't really work that way.
GEORGE: (NARRATES) As a grown-up, you take your responsibilities seriously.
That's what being an adult is all about.
So I've always thought of my brother as my responsibility.
That it was my job to clean up whatever mess he left behind.
(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYS) You should have seen him.
He knew what to do and everyone did as he said.
Your brother's the man.
MAN: Shots? Oh, no, thank you.
We actually have school in the morning.
Right, Lindsay? Yeah.
I'm good, thanks.
Hey, there.
Did you need someone to walk you home? Asking me yourself instead of getting your creepy little flying friend to do it? Progress, Ollie.
So, tick yes? Tick yes.
GEORGE: (NARRATES) A long time ago, for various reasons, I decided my brother was my responsibility.
So when he turned up here at Weld, I worried about the chaos he would leave behind.
Now I worry about the damage he'll do while he's still here.
Hey, Mum, did you know that if you eat the worm at the bottom of the tequila bottle, you see naked ladies? What on earth? You OK? Yes.
Yes, I just I didn't remember Dennis' latest work being so Is Shay still here? Uh, no.
She walked home with Ollie.
Arlo in the kitchen? Yep.
We'll get going.
See you, George.
See you.
(SLURS) George! Still pouring your cold water when all around you are the signs of unparalleled success? (CHUCKLES) Not that I'm aware of, Big Mac.
ROBBIE: Come on, Dad.
It's time to get you home.
(MUMBLES) OK.
Rae Hey, Dad! Where's your uncle? Out the back.
OK, wait in the car, Arlo.
You too, Lindsay, if you want a ride.
So is he cool with this? No.
He's definitely not cool.
Cheers, to the good night.
Whoo! Whoo-hoo! Cheers, eh? (LAUGHTER) Well, here he is - my sensible big brother.
Come back to tell me off again? Even though we smashed it out of the park, didn't we? Whoo-hoo! Yes! I'm just here to take my son home.
He's a star, George.
He's the new me.
Of you if you weren't such a pussy.
Good to know.
And I hope you're happy now that you've got everyone's hopes up.
Before you abandon them.
Terry! Couldn't even be arsed to say a few nice words about your little brother, huh? Yeah.
You're a real triumph, Terry.
Take care.
GEORGE: (NARRATES) This week I had to write a speech that I ended up not giving.
It was about my brother, who, when he was just a little kid, I saw teetering at the top of a staircase and, my heart in my mouth, I ran over and pulled him back before he fell.
He just laughed headed straight back to the stairs and threw himself down them to see what it was like.
And that, over and over again, is the story of my brother and I.
.