Adam Ruins Everything (2015) s01e12 Episode Script

Adam Ruins Death

1 Here's a challenge.
I want you to believe what I'm about to tell you.
I want you to believe what I'm about to tell you.
Not just hear it, not just what I'm about to tell you.
Not just hear it, not just understand it, but believe it.
Not just hear it, not just understand it, but believe it.
It's a fact that you already understand it, but believe it.
It's a fact that you already know to be true, It's a fact that you already know to be true, but have never been able know to be true, but have never been able to fully accept.
but have never been able to fully accept.
And it's this: to fully accept.
And it's this: You are going to die.
And it's this: You are going to die.
You, the person listening to me You are going to die.
You, the person listening to me right now, are going to die.
It's difficult even to imagine, isn't it? Take a moment and try to picture isn't it? Take a moment and try to picture what it's like to not exist.
Take a moment and try to picture what it's like to not exist.
You can't do it.
what it's like to not exist.
You can't do it.
You're imagining darkness.
You can't do it.
You're imagining darkness.
Black.
You're imagining darkness.
Black.
But there will be no black.
Black.
But there will be no black.
There will be no color, But there will be no black.
There will be no color, because there will be no you There will be no color, because there will be no you to perceive it.
because there will be no you to perceive it.
And your mind recoils to perceive it.
And your mind recoils from that idea.
And your mind recoils from that idea.
It's simply unable to conceive from that idea.
It's simply unable to conceive of its own nonexistence, It's simply unable to conceive of its own nonexistence, and so it concludes of its own nonexistence, and so it concludes that it's impossible, and so it concludes that it's impossible, that you'll live forever.
that it's impossible, that you'll live forever.
But you won't.
that you'll live forever.
But you won't.
All things end.
But you won't.
All things end.
All motion slows.
All things end.
All motion slows.
All heat becomes cold.
All motion slows.
All heat becomes cold.
Life is an eddy in that current All heat becomes cold.
Life is an eddy in that current of entropy, Life is an eddy in that current of entropy, a brief chemical reaction that of entropy, a brief chemical reaction that lights up the darkness and then, a brief chemical reaction that lights up the darkness and then, its fuel spent, dissipates back lights up the darkness and then, its fuel spent, dissipates back to nothing, just like you will.
its fuel spent, dissipates back to nothing, just like you will.
Your body is a marvelous and to nothing, just like you will.
Your body is a marvelous and intricate machine built out Your body is a marvelous and intricate machine built out of millions of interconnected intricate machine built out of millions of interconnected fragile systems, of millions of interconnected fragile systems, and as you age, each begins fragile systems, and as you age, each begins to slowly, but surely, and as you age, each begins to slowly, but surely, deteriorate and break down.
to slowly, but surely, deteriorate and break down.
When one fails, a doctor may be deteriorate and break down.
When one fails, a doctor may be able to repair it, but at some When one fails, a doctor may be able to repair it, but at some point, there will be too many able to repair it, but at some point, there will be too many interlocking failures to point, there will be too many interlocking failures to proceed, and like a cascade of interlocking failures to proceed, and like a cascade of dominos, your joints, proceed, and like a cascade of dominos, your joints, your eyes, your heart, dominos, your joints, your eyes, your heart, your lungs, your memory, your eyes, your heart, your lungs, your memory, your entire body will fail.
your lungs, your memory, your entire body will fail.
It will happen.
your entire body will fail.
It will happen.
And while it's difficult to hear It will happen.
And while it's difficult to hear this truth, it is essential that And while it's difficult to hear this truth, it is essential that you accept it, this truth, it is essential that you accept it, because every second that goes you accept it, because every second that goes by in which you don't is a because every second that goes by in which you don't is a second of your precious by in which you don't is a second of your precious and finite life second of your precious and finite life that you risk wasting.
and finite life that you risk wasting.
So I'm going to say it once that you risk wasting.
So I'm going to say it once more, and this time, try as hard So I'm going to say it once more, and this time, try as hard as you can to believe me.
more, and this time, try as hard as you can to believe me.
You, yes, you, will die, and there is nothing you can do to stop it.
How's that? you can do to stop it.
How's that? What the (bleep)? How's that? What the (bleep)? Too much? What the (bleep)? Too much? Yeah, that's a lot Too much? Yeah, that's a lot for a first date.
Yeah, that's a lot for a first date.
Yeah, maybe I shouldn't for a first date.
Yeah, maybe I shouldn't open with it.
Yeah, maybe I shouldn't open with it.
Also, what's with open with it.
Also, what's with the hourglass? Also, what's with the hourglass? Do you just carry that thing the hourglass? Do you just carry that thing around for dramatic effect? Do you just carry that thing around for dramatic effect? Yeah.
around for dramatic effect? Yeah.
And I use it to boil eggs.
Yeah.
And I use it to boil eggs.
A little heavy-handed, I know.
And I use it to boil eggs.
A little heavy-handed, I know.
Oh, she's here.
A little heavy-handed, I know.
Oh, she's here.
So I think that Haylie might Oh, she's here.
So I think that Haylie might actually maybe for some reason So I think that Haylie might actually maybe for some reason like you, so ix-nay actually maybe for some reason like you, so ix-nay on the death stuff.
like you, so ix-nay on the death stuff.
Just ask her if she's, like, on the death stuff.
Just ask her if she's, like, a cat person or a dog person.
Just ask her if she's, like, a cat person or a dog person.
I'm a turtle person.
a cat person or a dog person.
I'm a turtle person.
Just keep it light.
I'm a turtle person.
Just keep it light.
You know, tell the truth.
Just keep it light.
You know, tell the truth.
The awful truth! You know, tell the truth.
The awful truth! Ugh, no.
No.
The awful truth! Ugh, no.
No.
Just-- Don't be yourself.
Ugh, no.
No.
Just-- Don't be yourself.
Literally be anyone else Just-- Don't be yourself.
Literally be anyone else but yourself.
Literally be anyone else but yourself.
I can do that.
but yourself.
I can do that.
Good luck.
I can do that.
Good luck.
Smile.
Hi.
There you are.
Sorry I'm late.
There you are.
Sorry I'm late.
I hate when people are late.
Sorry I'm late.
I hate when people are late.
Me too.
I hate when people are late.
Me too.
I was the first to arrive at Me too.
I was the first to arrive at both parties I've attended.
I was the first to arrive at both parties I've attended.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
both parties I've attended.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's funny.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's funny.
Joke.
I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think they might actually-- Holy crow.
Well, I did tell her.
Captions provided by truTV I'm afraid we don't know if Emily will ever come out of this coma.
if Emily will ever come out of this coma.
I'm sorry.
Oh, my God.
Am I gonna die? Oh, of course, Am I gonna die? Oh, of course, we all will, one day.
Oh, of course, we all will, one day.
Even when I'm in a coma, we all will, one day.
Even when I'm in a coma, I can't escape you.
Even when I'm in a coma, I can't escape you.
I mean right now.
I can't escape you.
I mean right now.
Honestly, I don't know.
I mean right now.
Honestly, I don't know.
You Honestly, I don't know.
You But I have so much I want to do.
You But I have so much I want to do.
I'm getting married in three But I have so much I want to do.
I'm getting married in three months and I want to raise I'm getting married in three months and I want to raise a family, and one day, I really months and I want to raise a family, and one day, I really want to meet UFC Bantamweight a family, and one day, I really want to meet UFC Bantamweight champion Ronda Rousey.
want to meet UFC Bantamweight champion Ronda Rousey.
I don't wanna die! champion Ronda Rousey.
I don't wanna die! But you will.
I don't wanna die! But you will.
Death is inevitable, But you will.
Death is inevitable, and it's vitally important Death is inevitable, and it's vitally important that you accept that.
and it's vitally important that you accept that.
No, mm-mm.
that you accept that.
No, mm-mm.
Not me, not this girl.
No, mm-mm.
Not me, not this girl.
I'm gonna wake up from this coma Not me, not this girl.
I'm gonna wake up from this coma and go back to my life, and then I'm gonna wake up from this coma and go back to my life, and then by the time I'm old, and go back to my life, and then by the time I'm old, we'll have cured death by the time I'm old, we'll have cured death and people will be immortal! we'll have cured death and people will be immortal! Google's working on it.
and people will be immortal! Google's working on it.
That is a complete fantasy.
Google's working on it.
That is a complete fantasy.
People have been trying to cure That is a complete fantasy.
People have been trying to cure death for millennia, People have been trying to cure death for millennia, and it's never worked.
In 210 B.
C.
, the first emperor of China dosed himself with what he thought were of China dosed himself with what he thought were "immortality pills.
" he thought were "immortality pills.
" They were mercury pills.
"immortality pills.
" They were mercury pills.
I died real quick.
They were mercury pills.
I died real quick.
And in the ninth century, I died real quick.
And in the ninth century, an alchemist who was trying And in the ninth century, an alchemist who was trying to brew an "immortality" potion an alchemist who was trying to brew an "immortality" potion made a wee bit of an error.
to brew an "immortality" potion made a wee bit of an error.
This flammable powder will made a wee bit of an error.
This flammable powder will save millions of lives.
This flammable powder will save millions of lives.
He actually invented save millions of lives.
He actually invented gunpowder.
He actually invented gunpowder.
Thanks to his quest for eternal gunpowder.
Thanks to his quest for eternal life, millions have been Thanks to his quest for eternal life, millions have been shot dead.
life, millions have been shot dead.
Well, we're way closer shot dead.
Well, we're way closer to immortality now.
Well, we're way closer to immortality now.
What about chryonics? to immortality now.
What about chryonics? I can freeze my body so it can What about chryonics? I can freeze my body so it can be revived later.
I can freeze my body so it can be revived later.
That's medically doubtful, be revived later.
That's medically doubtful, and it assumes that the company That's medically doubtful, and it assumes that the company that freezes you is gonna be and it assumes that the company that freezes you is gonna be around that long.
that freezes you is gonna be around that long.
In one famous case, the around that long.
In one famous case, the Chryonics Society of California In one famous case, the Chryonics Society of California ran out of money and couldn't Chryonics Society of California ran out of money and couldn't keep their customers frozen.
ran out of money and couldn't keep their customers frozen.
No keep their customers frozen.
No The bodies began to thaw No The bodies began to thaw and decompose.
The bodies began to thaw and decompose.
No, no, no.
and decompose.
No, no, no.
Then some of the bodies went No, no, no.
Then some of the bodies went missing, and to this day, their Then some of the bodies went missing, and to this day, their families still don't know missing, and to this day, their families still don't know where they went.
families still don't know where they went.
No, no, no, no, no! where they went.
No, no, no, no, no! Uh, hey, Pete, do we still No, no, no, no, no! Uh, hey, Pete, do we still have that extra large Uh, hey, Pete, do we still have that extra large beer cooler? Okay, well, I follow a bunch of futurists on Twitter.
I have a very eclectic feed.
of futurists on Twitter.
I have a very eclectic feed.
And they believe that one day, I have a very eclectic feed.
And they believe that one day, we'll be able to upload our And they believe that one day, we'll be able to upload our brains onto computers.
we'll be able to upload our brains onto computers.
That's ridiculous.
First of all, your brain is a physical organ.
That's like saying you could is a physical organ.
That's like saying you could upload your liver That's like saying you could upload your liver onto a computer.
upload your liver onto a computer.
And secondly, even if you could, onto a computer.
And secondly, even if you could, your consciousness wouldn't And secondly, even if you could, your consciousness wouldn't teleport onto the computer.
your consciousness wouldn't teleport onto the computer.
You just have created a pretty teleport onto the computer.
You just have created a pretty accurate A.
I.
You just have created a pretty accurate A.
I.
simulation of yourself.
accurate A.
I.
simulation of yourself.
Ah, eternal life.
simulation of yourself.
Ah, eternal life.
Ah, eternal life.
Ah, eternal life.
Ah, eternal life.
Wait.
Ah, eternal life.
Wait.
I'm--I'm still dying.
Wait.
I'm--I'm still dying.
I'm still here.
I'm--I'm still dying.
I'm still here.
It doesn't work that way.
I'm still here.
It doesn't work that way.
I'm basically Siri.
It doesn't work that way.
I'm basically Siri.
This piece of crap! I'm basically Siri.
This piece of crap! We've never been able to stop This piece of crap! We've never been able to stop death, and we never will.
Okay, fine.
You win, I will die, one day.
But You win, I will die, one day.
But Why does it have to be today? I'm sorry.
Let me try to cheer you up.
You know, I always go shopping Let me try to cheer you up.
You know, I always go shopping when I'm down.
You know, I always go shopping when I'm down.
I guess that sounds when I'm down.
I guess that sounds like a good distraction.
I guess that sounds like a good distraction.
Shopping for caskets.
like a good distraction.
Shopping for caskets.
This would never happen Shopping for caskets.
This would never happen to Ronda Rousey.
What do you think his last words were? Probably "whoops," or "ouch.
" his last words were? Probably "whoops," or "ouch.
" The concept of "last words" is Probably "whoops," or "ouch.
" The concept of "last words" is as silly as the rest of this.
The concept of "last words" is as silly as the rest of this.
Wait, are you trying as silly as the rest of this.
Wait, are you trying to ruin funerals? Wait, are you trying to ruin funerals? This is how people grieve.
to ruin funerals? This is how people grieve.
Yeah.
This is how people grieve.
Yeah.
Which is why it's so tragic that Yeah.
Which is why it's so tragic that the American funeral industry Which is why it's so tragic that the American funeral industry needlessly exploits the American funeral industry needlessly exploits that grief for profit.
needlessly exploits that grief for profit.
Case in point, the expensive and that grief for profit.
Case in point, the expensive and useless process of embalming, Case in point, the expensive and useless process of embalming, which was popularized useless process of embalming, which was popularized during the Civil War.
which was popularized during the Civil War.
After Lincoln was assassinated, during the Civil War.
After Lincoln was assassinated, the government paraded his After Lincoln was assassinated, the government paraded his corpse around the country in the government paraded his corpse around the country in order to showcase the hero's corpse around the country in order to showcase the hero's sacrifice, but that's not what order to showcase the hero's sacrifice, but that's not what the people took away from it.
sacrifice, but that's not what the people took away from it.
Oh, my gosh, Abe has been the people took away from it.
Oh, my gosh, Abe has been dead for weeks and he still Oh, my gosh, Abe has been dead for weeks and he still looks fly as hell.
dead for weeks and he still looks fly as hell.
Honestly, anyone who is looks fly as hell.
Honestly, anyone who is anyone gets pumped Honestly, anyone who is anyone gets pumped full of chemicals.
anyone gets pumped full of chemicals.
But for those of us whose full of chemicals.
But for those of us whose bodies aren't going on tour, But for those of us whose bodies aren't going on tour, embalming is totally pointless.
bodies aren't going on tour, embalming is totally pointless.
Why would you need to be embalming is totally pointless.
Why would you need to be preserved right before they Why would you need to be preserved right before they bury you in the dirt? preserved right before they bury you in the dirt? Isn't the whole point bury you in the dirt? Isn't the whole point to decompose? Isn't the whole point to decompose? Excuse me.
to decompose? Excuse me.
Embalming gives dignity Excuse me.
Embalming gives dignity to the deceased.
Embalming gives dignity to the deceased.
Yes, it's respectful.
to the deceased.
Yes, it's respectful.
Respectful? Yes, it's respectful.
Respectful? What do you think embalming is? Respectful? What do you think embalming is? It's like a spa day.
What do you think embalming is? It's like a spa day.
For a dead body.
It's like a spa day.
For a dead body.
Exactly, don't correct her.
For a dead body.
Exactly, don't correct her.
Embalming is the least Exactly, don't correct her.
Embalming is the least respectful thing you Embalming is the least respectful thing you could do to a body.
respectful thing you could do to a body.
First, the jaw is wired shut.
could do to a body.
First, the jaw is wired shut.
The eyes are sealed with glue, First, the jaw is wired shut.
The eyes are sealed with glue, then the internal organs are The eyes are sealed with glue, then the internal organs are punctured and drained through then the internal organs are punctured and drained through a hole in the abdomen.
punctured and drained through a hole in the abdomen.
After that, they pump the a hole in the abdomen.
After that, they pump the arteries full of formaldehyde, After that, they pump the arteries full of formaldehyde, and stuff the internal cavities arteries full of formaldehyde, and stuff the internal cavities full of cotton.
and stuff the internal cavities full of cotton.
Okay, stop! full of cotton.
Okay, stop! Enough, enough, enough.
Okay, stop! Enough, enough, enough.
I don't want to puke in front Enough, enough, enough.
I don't want to puke in front of a dead body.
I don't want to puke in front of a dead body.
Fair enough.
of a dead body.
Fair enough.
But the entire process is a Fair enough.
But the entire process is a pointless waste of time, because But the entire process is a pointless waste of time, because even though funeral directors pointless waste of time, because even though funeral directors tell their vulnerable, even though funeral directors tell their vulnerable, grieving customers tell their vulnerable, grieving customers Embalming is necessary if you grieving customers Embalming is necessary if you want an open casket.
Embalming is necessary if you want an open casket.
And want an open casket.
And It keeps the body And It keeps the body safe and sanitary.
It keeps the body safe and sanitary.
None of it is true.
safe and sanitary.
None of it is true.
Refrigeration is cheaper and None of it is true.
Refrigeration is cheaper and just as effective as embalming.
Refrigeration is cheaper and just as effective as embalming.
The World Health Organization just as effective as embalming.
The World Health Organization states that dead bodies pose The World Health Organization states that dead bodies pose nearly no health risks states that dead bodies pose nearly no health risks to the living.
nearly no health risks to the living.
It's completely safe to the living.
It's completely safe to touch them.
It's completely safe to touch them.
Here, watch! to touch them.
Here, watch! Adam! Here, watch! Adam! That's weird.
Adam! That's weird.
Yeah, but it's still safe, That's weird.
Yeah, but it's still safe, which is ironic, because Yeah, but it's still safe, which is ironic, because formaldehyde isn't safe.
which is ironic, because formaldehyde isn't safe.
It's a carcinogen.
formaldehyde isn't safe.
It's a carcinogen.
Why do we still do this? It's a carcinogen.
Why do we still do this? Just one reason.
Why do we still do this? Just one reason.
These guys charge a graveload Just one reason.
These guys charge a graveload of money to do it.
These guys charge a graveload of money to do it.
Let's not talk about of money to do it.
Let's not talk about the bodies so much.
Let's not talk about the bodies so much.
Let's talk about how beautiful the bodies so much.
Let's talk about how beautiful this casket is.
Let's talk about how beautiful this casket is.
Yeah, it better be beautiful.
this casket is.
Yeah, it better be beautiful.
It's one of the most expensive Yeah, it better be beautiful.
It's one of the most expensive things you'll ever buy.
It's one of the most expensive things you'll ever buy.
Funeral homes can charge upwards things you'll ever buy.
Funeral homes can charge upwards of ten grand for a coffin.
Funeral homes can charge upwards of ten grand for a coffin.
The lid is titanium steel, of ten grand for a coffin.
The lid is titanium steel, it's lined with mink fur and it The lid is titanium steel, it's lined with mink fur and it comes with free WiFi.
it's lined with mink fur and it comes with free WiFi.
It's what Pop-Pop comes with free WiFi.
It's what Pop-Pop would have wanted.
It's what Pop-Pop would have wanted.
Do you have would have wanted.
Do you have any cheaper options? Do you have any cheaper options? Well, for those who don't any cheaper options? Well, for those who don't love their Pop-Pop, we do have Well, for those who don't love their Pop-Pop, we do have this "My Loved One Deserved love their Pop-Pop, we do have this "My Loved One Deserved to Die" model.
this "My Loved One Deserved to Die" model.
You will need to decide quickly, to Die" model.
You will need to decide quickly, the funeral is tomorrow.
You will need to decide quickly, the funeral is tomorrow.
Pop-Pop would have the funeral is tomorrow.
Pop-Pop would have wanted the WiFi.
Pop-Pop would have wanted the WiFi.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
wanted the WiFi.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Hell, you might as well be I'm so sorry for your loss.
Hell, you might as well be buried with $10,000 in cash.
Hell, you might as well be buried with $10,000 in cash.
Money money buried with $10,000 in cash.
Money money Well, it's nice to support Money money Well, it's nice to support local businesses.
Well, it's nice to support local businesses.
Actually, a lot of "local" local businesses.
Actually, a lot of "local" funeral homes are owned by a Actually, a lot of "local" funeral homes are owned by a mega corporation named SCI that funeral homes are owned by a mega corporation named SCI that buys up mom and pop shops, mega corporation named SCI that buys up mom and pop shops, but keeps the old name, buys up mom and pop shops, but keeps the old name, so no one notices.
but keeps the old name, so no one notices.
They really are a cash cow.
so no one notices.
They really are a cash cow.
They can't make They really are a cash cow.
They can't make that much money.
They can't make that much money.
Well, maybe you'd believe that much money.
Well, maybe you'd believe SCI treasurer Aaron Foley, Well, maybe you'd believe SCI treasurer Aaron Foley, who told investors, SCI treasurer Aaron Foley, who told investors, we really are a cash cow.
who told investors, we really are a cash cow.
It's all about the money we really are a cash cow.
It's all about the money But what's the alternative? It's all about the money But what's the alternative? Throw all the dead people in a But what's the alternative? Throw all the dead people in a pile and leave them there and Throw all the dead people in a pile and leave them there and charge admission to see it? pile and leave them there and charge admission to see it? Not exactly.
charge admission to see it? Not exactly.
You could choose cremation, Not exactly.
You could choose cremation, but another, maybe even better You could choose cremation, but another, maybe even better option, is natural burial.
but another, maybe even better option, is natural burial.
Ahh! option, is natural burial.
Ahh! Who is this? Are we related? Ahh! Who is this? Are we related? Are you my ghost? Who is this? Are we related? Are you my ghost? No, Emily, this is Are you my ghost? No, Emily, this is Caitlin Doughty, she's a No, Emily, this is Caitlin Doughty, she's a licensed mortician and an advocate for natural burial.
In natural burial, we dig a hole in the ground and place the body in in just a shroud, no chemical embalming, no heavy metal casket, no chemical embalming, no heavy metal casket, no concrete-lined vault.
no heavy metal casket, no concrete-lined vault.
Is this safe? no concrete-lined vault.
Is this safe? It's completely safe.
Is this safe? It's completely safe.
Humans have been burying their It's completely safe.
Humans have been burying their bodies like this for tens of Humans have been burying their bodies like this for tens of thousands of years.
bodies like this for tens of thousands of years.
But when the funeral thousands of years.
But when the funeral industry started, But when the funeral industry started, it really took the power away industry started, it really took the power away from the grieving families.
it really took the power away from the grieving families.
I think that my job as from the grieving families.
I think that my job as a mortician should just be to I think that my job as a mortician should just be to facilitate you taking the power a mortician should just be to facilitate you taking the power around the time of death.
facilitate you taking the power around the time of death.
You can be involved as much or around the time of death.
You can be involved as much or as little as you want to be, You can be involved as much or as little as you want to be, but it can be a really intimate as little as you want to be, but it can be a really intimate and beautiful way to say goodbye but it can be a really intimate and beautiful way to say goodbye to someone you love.
and beautiful way to say goodbye to someone you love.
This is really nice.
to someone you love.
This is really nice.
Thank you, Caitlin.
This is really nice.
Thank you, Caitlin.
You know, I think this Thank you, Caitlin.
You know, I think this is what I want.
You know, I think this is what I want.
That's great.
is what I want.
That's great.
But you won't get it.
That's great.
But you won't get it.
See? But you won't get it.
See? Because you didn't confront your See? Because you didn't confront your mortality and decide how you'd Because you didn't confront your mortality and decide how you'd want to be buried while you were mortality and decide how you'd want to be buried while you were still alive, Murph will probably want to be buried while you were still alive, Murph will probably bankrupt himself getting you still alive, Murph will probably bankrupt himself getting you a regular funeral.
bankrupt himself getting you a regular funeral.
Aw, man.
a regular funeral.
Aw, man.
In fact, because you didn't Aw, man.
In fact, because you didn't plan ahead, everything about In fact, because you didn't plan ahead, everything about your death will suck, and I'll plan ahead, everything about your death will suck, and I'll explain why right after this.
your death will suck, and I'll explain why right after this.
I know I'm literally dying, explain why right after this.
I know I'm literally dying, but you are the worst I know I'm literally dying, but you are the worst part of my day.
He's so thoughtful.
Death is so hard.
Yeah, it is.
Death is so hard.
Yeah, it is.
That's why it's so important Yeah, it is.
That's why it's so important that you accept that one day, That's why it's so important that you accept that one day, you will grow old and die.
that you accept that one day, you will grow old and die.
If you don't, you will grow old and die.
If you don't, you'll end up making terrible If you don't, you'll end up making terrible medical decisions.
you'll end up making terrible medical decisions.
I thought your show was medical decisions.
I thought your show was supposed to be a comedy.
I thought your show was supposed to be a comedy.
Well, the line between comedy supposed to be a comedy.
Well, the line between comedy and drama has blurred Well, the line between comedy and drama has blurred in recent decades.
and drama has blurred in recent decades.
You know, if you look at-- in recent decades.
You know, if you look at-- Get on with it.
You know, if you look at-- Get on with it.
Right-o! Hey, Adam.
I wondered when you guys were gonna show up.
I wondered when you guys were gonna show up.
Emily.
this is Dr.
Bud Hammes.
He's the director of Respecting Choices for He's the director of Respecting Choices for Gundersen Health System.
Basically, he helps doctors have end-of-life conversations with their patients.
end-of-life conversations with their patients.
I'm glad you guys are here.
with their patients.
I'm glad you guys are here.
I have a story to tell you.
I'm glad you guys are here.
I have a story to tell you.
Oh, this is my favorite book! I have a story to tell you.
Oh, this is my favorite book! It's about how I get prostate Oh, this is my favorite book! It's about how I get prostate cancer and die.
It's about how I get prostate cancer and die.
You know, one in seven American cancer and die.
You know, one in seven American men gets prostate cancer.
You know, one in seven American men gets prostate cancer.
Prostate cancer.
men gets prostate cancer.
Prostate cancer.
I know, you tell me every time Prostate cancer.
I know, you tell me every time we hang out.
I know, you tell me every time we hang out.
Did you write a book we hang out.
Did you write a book about your own death? Did you write a book about your own death? It helps make the point.
about your own death? It helps make the point.
Would you read it to us, Bud? It helps make the point.
Would you read it to us, Bud? I'd be delighted Would you read it to us, Bud? I'd be delighted to read it to you.
I'd be delighted to read it to you.
So here's the problem.
to read it to you.
So here's the problem.
Patients and their doctors most So here's the problem.
Patients and their doctors most often don't have conversations Patients and their doctors most often don't have conversations about when the burdens of often don't have conversations about when the burdens of treatment would be so high, about when the burdens of treatment would be so high, they wouldn't outweigh treatment would be so high, they wouldn't outweigh the benefits of treatment.
they wouldn't outweigh the benefits of treatment.
If you can't face having an the benefits of treatment.
If you can't face having an honest conversation about death If you can't face having an honest conversation about death with your doctor, you can end up honest conversation about death with your doctor, you can end up chasing unnecessary treatments with your doctor, you can end up chasing unnecessary treatments that do very little to prolong chasing unnecessary treatments that do very little to prolong your life and just make your that do very little to prolong your life and just make your final days really uncomfortable.
your life and just make your final days really uncomfortable.
Mr.
Conover, final days really uncomfortable.
Mr.
Conover, the cancer has spread.
Mr.
Conover, the cancer has spread.
I think it's time we discuss-- the cancer has spread.
I think it's time we discuss-- I don't want to hear it! I think it's time we discuss-- I don't want to hear it! I'm a fighter, damn it! I don't want to hear it! I'm a fighter, damn it! Give me every dangerous I'm a fighter, damn it! Give me every dangerous chemical you got! Give me every dangerous chemical you got! Where are the drugs? chemical you got! Where are the drugs? Give it to me! Where are the drugs? Give it to me! I'm gonna live forever! Give it to me! I'm gonna live forever! Ha ha! I'm gonna live forever! Ha ha! Because I couldn't accept the Ha ha! Because I couldn't accept the truth, I died in a hospital, Because I couldn't accept the truth, I died in a hospital, barely conscious, in a whole lot truth, I died in a hospital, barely conscious, in a whole lot of pain, when I could have barely conscious, in a whole lot of pain, when I could have chosen to die at home, of pain, when I could have chosen to die at home, surrounded by my family.
chosen to die at home, surrounded by my family.
Adam, I think I'm telling surrounded by my family.
Adam, I think I'm telling this story.
Adam, I think I'm telling this story.
I'm sorry.
this story.
I'm sorry.
I know it by heart.
I'm sorry.
I know it by heart.
So Emily, I know it by heart.
So Emily, now is the time to make these So Emily, now is the time to make these plans for future now is the time to make these plans for future healthcare decisions.
plans for future healthcare decisions.
It's a time to talk with your healthcare decisions.
It's a time to talk with your family about your values, It's a time to talk with your family about your values, your preferences and your goals, family about your values, your preferences and your goals, so they don't end up guessing your preferences and your goals, so they don't end up guessing when they make your decisions.
so they don't end up guessing when they make your decisions.
I mean, I wouldn't mind that.
when they make your decisions.
I mean, I wouldn't mind that.
Murph's my fiancé.
I mean, I wouldn't mind that.
Murph's my fiancé.
He would know what I want.
Murph's my fiancé.
He would know what I want.
That's an understandable He would know what I want.
That's an understandable point of view.
That's an understandable point of view.
A lot of people think that.
point of view.
A lot of people think that.
But the research is very clear.
A lot of people think that.
But the research is very clear.
When families don't have these But the research is very clear.
When families don't have these conversations, the family When families don't have these conversations, the family members are no better than conversations, the family members are no better than strangers at making members are no better than strangers at making these decisions.
strangers at making these decisions.
They end up guessing.
these decisions.
They end up guessing.
And that can be really, They end up guessing.
And that can be really, really hard on them.
And that can be really, really hard on them.
Dad wouldn't want to suffer.
really hard on them.
Dad wouldn't want to suffer.
Pull the damn plug.
Dad wouldn't want to suffer.
Pull the damn plug.
I'd feel to guilty Pull the damn plug.
I'd feel to guilty to let him die.
I'd feel to guilty to let him die.
Keep him hooked up forever! to let him die.
Keep him hooked up forever! I think we should eat him.
Keep him hooked up forever! I think we should eat him.
That'd be the most efficient.
I think we should eat him.
That'd be the most efficient.
Sometimes the conflicts are That'd be the most efficient.
Sometimes the conflicts are so severe, I don't know that Sometimes the conflicts are so severe, I don't know that the family will ever talk so severe, I don't know that the family will ever talk to each other again.
the family will ever talk to each other again.
That is such a hard to each other again.
That is such a hard conversation to have.
That is such a hard conversation to have.
I mean, I don't-- conversation to have.
I mean, I don't-- I don't know where I mean, I don't-- I don't know where I would begin.
I don't know where I would begin.
So Emily, there are three I would begin.
So Emily, there are three simple questions everyone So Emily, there are three simple questions everyone should consider.
simple questions everyone should consider.
The first is, if you couldn't should consider.
The first is, if you couldn't make your own decisions, The first is, if you couldn't make your own decisions, who would make decisions make your own decisions, who would make decisions on your behalf? who would make decisions on your behalf? Kids, if I were to ever on your behalf? Kids, if I were to ever become so sick that I couldn't Kids, if I were to ever become so sick that I couldn't decide on my own care, become so sick that I couldn't decide on my own care, I would want your mother decide on my own care, I would want your mother Haylie to decide.
I would want your mother Haylie to decide.
You married Haylie? Haylie to decide.
You married Haylie? It's my storybook, I can You married Haylie? It's my storybook, I can write it however I want.
It's my storybook, I can write it however I want.
The second is, if you suffer write it however I want.
The second is, if you suffer a serious and permanent brain The second is, if you suffer a serious and permanent brain injury, how bad would it a serious and permanent brain injury, how bad would it have to be for you to change injury, how bad would it have to be for you to change your goals of care? have to be for you to change your goals of care? Well, I wouldn't want to be your goals of care? Well, I wouldn't want to be kept alive if I was brain dead, Well, I wouldn't want to be kept alive if I was brain dead, which I guess right now, kept alive if I was brain dead, which I guess right now, I might be.
which I guess right now, I might be.
The third question is, do you I might be.
The third question is, do you have any strongly-held values or The third question is, do you have any strongly-held values or beliefs that would influence how have any strongly-held values or beliefs that would influence how medical decisions might be made? beliefs that would influence how medical decisions might be made? Um medical decisions might be made? Um I don't know, honestly, these Um I don't know, honestly, these are really tough questions I don't know, honestly, these are really tough questions to field right now.
are really tough questions to field right now.
Well, you're right, Emily, to field right now.
Well, you're right, Emily, they are hard to answer.
Well, you're right, Emily, they are hard to answer.
That's why in La Crosse, they are hard to answer.
That's why in La Crosse, Wisconsin, we decided to That's why in La Crosse, Wisconsin, we decided to approach all of our patients and Wisconsin, we decided to approach all of our patients and offer them the opportunity to do approach all of our patients and offer them the opportunity to do this planning, that way families offer them the opportunity to do this planning, that way families have the confidence that this planning, that way families have the confidence that they made the right decisions.
Did you ever have a conversation like that with Murph? conversation like that with Murph? No, I never thought about it with Murph? No, I never thought about it before today.
No, I never thought about it before today.
Well, the decision is yours.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what she wants.
I hate this.
I don't know what she wants.
I hate this.
Death will always be a I hate this.
Death will always be a terrible loss, but if you can Death will always be a terrible loss, but if you can accept its inevitability, terrible loss, but if you can accept its inevitability, it makes the whole process accept its inevitability, it makes the whole process a lot easier.
I know.
I know what I want.
I know what I want here.
I know what I want.
I know what I want here.
I'm going to die.
I know what I want here.
I'm going to die.
I didn't want it to be now, I'm going to die.
I didn't want it to be now, but it's going to be.
You sure? Yeah, I don't-- I don't want to be unconscious Yeah, I don't-- I don't want to be unconscious on a hospital bed forever, and I don't want to be unconscious on a hospital bed forever, and if I leave the decision up to on a hospital bed forever, and if I leave the decision up to Murph, you know, no matter what if I leave the decision up to Murph, you know, no matter what he chooses, he'll never feel Murph, you know, no matter what he chooses, he'll never feel like he made the right choice.
I-- I don't know, Em.
It's okay.
I'm okay.
It's okay.
I'm okay.
This is right.
It's been fun, Adam.
Yeah? More than I like to admit.
Okay.
Okay.
It looks like Emily decided for you.
I'm sorry.
decided for you.
I'm sorry.
Oh, God.
I'm sorry.
Oh, God.
Tonight I was gonna surprise her Oh, God.
Tonight I was gonna surprise her and take her to a Ronda Rousey Tonight I was gonna surprise her and take her to a Ronda Rousey meet-and-greet.
and take her to a Ronda Rousey meet-and-greet.
Wait, what? meet-and-greet.
Wait, what? Ronda Rousey meet-and-greet? Wait, what? Ronda Rousey meet-and-greet? Oh, my God.
Ronda Rousey meet-and-greet? Oh, my God.
She's awake.
Oh, my God.
She's awake.
Emily, you're alive! She's awake.
Emily, you're alive! I love you so much.
Emily, you're alive! I love you so much.
I love you.
I love you so much.
I love you.
I love you, too.
I love you.
I love you, too.
I came as soon as I could.
I love you, too.
I came as soon as I could.
Oh, Haylie.
I came as soon as I could.
Oh, Haylie.
Oh, yeah, you're awake-- Oh, Haylie.
Oh, yeah, you're awake-- Whoops! Holy crow.
She dead.
We are here today to celebrate the life of Haylie.
"Thou shalt show me celebrate the life of Haylie.
"Thou shalt show me "the path to life.
"Thou shalt show me "the path to life.
"In thy presence is the fullness "the path to life.
"In thy presence is the fullness "of love, in thy mercy, "In thy presence is the fullness "of love, in thy mercy, by all of God's"-- "of love, in thy mercy, by all of God's"-- Funerals are very wasteful! by all of God's"-- Funerals are very wasteful! No, I'm not sad.
Funerals are very wasteful! No, I'm not sad.
I'm spreading the truth No, I'm not sad.
I'm spreading the truth to the masses.
I'm spreading the truth to the masses.
That coffin's too expensive! to the masses.
That coffin's too expensive! The markup's insane, That coffin's too expensive! The markup's insane, it's a scam.
The markup's insane, it's a scam.
Adam, stop.
it's a scam.
Adam, stop.
Okay? Adam, stop.
Okay? It's okay to grieve.
Okay? It's okay to grieve.
I'm sad, too.
It's okay to grieve.
I'm sad, too.
There's got to be something I'm sad, too.
There's got to be something I can learn to make this better.
I don't think there is.
I'm scared to die.
Well, what about all that accepting death stuff? Well, what about all that accepting death stuff? It doesn't make it accepting death stuff? It doesn't make it less frightening.
It doesn't make it less frightening.
It doesn't-- less frightening.
It doesn't-- It doesn't make any sense.
It doesn't-- It doesn't make any sense.
What is it for? It doesn't make any sense.
What is it for? What do you do? What is it for? What do you do? What are you supposed to do What do you do? What are you supposed to do when a person dies? I don't know.
But It's okay not to know.
It's okay not to know.
Yeah, it's okay not to know.
Sometimes you don't know, and you may never know, and that's okay.
Come on, let's get you out of here.
Let's go for a walk.
Oh, thanks.
It's this dumb cane.
Do you want to ruin It's this dumb cane.
Do you want to ruin something for me? Do you want to ruin something for me? Maybe that would cheer you up.
something for me? Maybe that would cheer you up.
Oh, no.
Maybe that would cheer you up.
Oh, no.
I mean, I believe a lot of Oh, no.
I mean, I believe a lot of really dumb stuff, you know, I mean, I believe a lot of really dumb stuff, you know, like pop rocks and Coke? really dumb stuff, you know, like pop rocks and Coke? That's dangerous.
like pop rocks and Coke? That's dangerous.
You know, and the moon landing? That's dangerous.
You know, and the moon landing? Never happened.
You know, and the moon landing? Never happened.
And also the Illuminati, I-- Never happened.
And also the Illuminati, I-- I'm really not in the mood And also the Illuminati, I-- I'm really not in the mood right now.
I'm really not in the mood right now.
Sorry.
right now.
Sorry.
Okay.
Hey, how's-- How's wedding planning going? It's pretty good.
How's wedding planning going? It's pretty good.
It's very busy.
It's pretty good.
It's very busy.
I'm sure.
It's very busy.
I'm sure.
I'm really, really looking I'm sure.
I'm really, really looking forward to it.
I'm really, really looking forward to it.
Yeah.
forward to it.
Yeah.
You and Murph are the best.
Yeah.
You and Murph are the best.
Aww.
You and Murph are the best.
Aww.
Yeah.
Aww.
Yeah.
You know, a lot of wedding traditions are, like, really arbitrary.
Yeah? really arbitrary.
Yeah? I'm sure.
Yeah? I'm sure.
Oh, yeah.
I'm sure.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, I even read this Oh, yeah.
Oh, I even read this article about it Oh, I even read this article about it