Adam Ruins Everything (2015) s02e13 Episode Script

Adam Ruins Wellness

1 (DOOR CHIMES) (GASPS) Julia! Thomas! (BOTH) Mwah, mwah.
Grateful for your presence.
Wow.
Quick energy scan.
You are radiating toxicity.
(SIGHS) I know.
I am so stressed out at work right now.
- I'm in way over my head.
- What? I hear you are killing it over at "Big Little Life.
" Shailene Woodley wouldn't even have a lifestyle magazine if it wasn't for you.
But now they want me to write my own feature, and I have no idea what to cover.
I am so tense right now, it is literally killing me.
Well, then we're gonna flush the negative toxins right out of you before they do any more damage.
Mm-kay, here's what I'm gonna sign you up for.
A full-body energy cleanse, a gemstone colon scrub, a chakra meditation class, and a comprehensive third-eye exam.
Oh, my gosh, yes! And I wanna do some of these antitoxin footpads right here.
(BOTH) Grateful for your presence.
(COUNTING SILENTLY) (CASH REGISTER BELL DINGING) (SIGHS) This detox is going to work wonders.
Hi, Julia.
No, it won't.
At least not the way you think it will.
Are you here to encourage mindfulness? Eh, more like critical thinking.
Namaste! I'm Adam Conover, and this is "Adam Ruins Everything.
" Ah! (GROANS) (SCREAMS) (GLASS SHATTERS) If you don't believe this stuff, why are you here? Oh, I come to the spa to debunk things.
(GIGGLING) It really relaxes me.
Okay, well, speak your truth quickly because I am not missing my cleanse.
I am full of toxins.
Ah, yes! Good old, bad old toxins.
The wellness industry tells us they're terrifying, they're inside of us, and we need their high-priced help to get 'em out.
Is your blood toxic? Toxic blood can affect every organ in your body, and it's happening to millions of people.
If you're feeling tired and bloated, then Lee Haney's seven-day detox program is just what you need.
(ANNOUNCER) Detox Foot Pads will restore balance to your body, stimulate your system, draw out toxins, improve your blood circulation.
You'll feel rejuvenated.
But the truth is, that's an all-natural (GLASS SHATTERS) Herbal-strength myth.
No way.
These things work.
Look.
(FOOTPAD RIPS) That's toxins.
- Nope! - That's color-changing fabric.
And a straight-up scam.
(TENSE MUSICAL STING) Despite what wellness companies say, as a matter of basic physiology, it's pretty much impossible to suck toxins out through your skin.
Well, then I'll just sweat them out in the steam room.
Also not possible.
I'm never one to turn down a nice shvitz, but ask a scientist and they'll tell you sweat is (BEEPING AND CHIMES) 99% water.
Sweat is your body's temperature control, and that's it.
Detox just isn't your skin's job.
Okay, then I'll just drink a ton of water.
Hydration is great for flushing toxins out.
Sorry! Science says, "Nope!" (STEAM HISSING) (BOTTLE CLATTERS ON FLOOR) What about massages? Deep breathing? Cupping? Please tell me cupping works, in the name of all that is Chrissy Teigan.
(POPS) What? So how do I get toxins out of me? I've been stress-eating fast food and touching plastic all week trying to finish this article, and now there are evil, little particles inside of me and they're slowly killing me.
- Ah! - Graphics have toxins too.
Hate to burst your bubble, but that's not how it works at all.
The fact is, toxins aren't even a special type of chemical.
It's just become a trendy buzzword.
The truth is that anything can be toxic if you ingest too much of it.
Eat too much vitamin C? That's a toxin.
Overdose on fiber? Uh, that's a toxin! Drink too much water? You better believe - I get it! - Okay.
Luckily, your body comes naturally equipped with the world's most effective detox products.
Your internal organs! (DRAMATIC MUSICAL STING) Footpads were a lot less gross.
If you have harmful levels of a substance in your body, your liver, kidneys, and lungs naturally filter it, and then flush it out in your pee-pee and poo-poo.
- (TOILET FLUSHING) - Um, weird that you call it that.
But wait, if toxins come out in my - Pee-pee and poo-poo.
- Then I will just I'll speed that up.
I will get a colon cleanse.
Oh, no.
Not that.
Your impacted fecal matter is causing a lot of toxic blockage, so we'll gently flush it out by shooting 15 gallons of water up your rectum.
Perf.
Let's do it.
Julia, please don't do this.
(GROANS) Why not? My friend Basil said getting a colonic was life-changing.
Well, if you ask any doctor, they'll tell you Colon cleanses are damaging to your intestinal health, and can even be dangerous.
Oh, Julia, this is Dr.
Gerry Mullin.
He's a gastroenterologist at Johns Hopkins Hospital.
I came as fast as I could.
Julia, some people think that colon cleanses flush toxic matter out of the gut.
However, there is absolutely no scientific evidence that high colonics are good for your health.
The only thing they have been proven to cause are awful side effects such as nausea and vomiting and cramping.
Then how am I supposed to get all of that old you know out of me? You don't need to.
If you have regular bowel movements, your fecal matter is expelled often enough.
And you don't want to force-flush excrement out of your colon.
Fecal matter nourishes and protects your bowels.
Your body's like a garden.
You want some fertilizer in there.
Aww, gross.
Thanks, Dr.
Mullin.
No problem.
And if you need me again, just turn on the butt signal.
It's like the bat signal but for gastroenterologists.
See ya.
(FLATULENCE) Eww.
The fact is, you don't need expensive products and treatments to cleanse your toxins.
Your body does a fine job of that naturally.
The only thing this place cleanses is money from your wallet.
- (CASH REGISTER BELL DINGS) - Grateful for your presence.
(JULIA GASPS) Thomas! - What the F? - Sorry.
- Complimentary clean juice? - Yes.
- Thank you.
- Mmm.
Mmm, I feel better already.
I really need to get back on that clean eating program you recommended.
You know the one that's like no chemicals, no gluten, and definitely no MSG? Oh, I've gotta tell you the truth about MSG! You are a human toxin.
- - And another deep breath in (INHALES SLOWLY) And out.
(EXHALES SLOWLY) Mmm.
Nothing but pure green tea, grapes, and tomatoes.
Mmm.
It's all natural, and best of all, no MSG.
Oh, MSG is nothing to be afraid of.
Um, no.
MSG is a dangerous chemical.
It was our October cover story for Halloween.
(WOMAN SCREAMING) Well, then your magazine is totally (CHIME RINGING) And everyone shut up now.
No talking.
Just breathe in all the misconceptions (INHALES SHARPLY) And breathe out your desire to debunk them.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC SWELLS) The idea that MSG is dangerous is a total myth! I don't want MSG anywhere near me! And you're not alone.
For about 50 years, Americans have put MSG in culinary quarantine.
There are anti-MSG cookbooks, companies declare "No MSG" on their packaging, and if you even whisper "MSG" near a restaurant We do not use MSG! But the fact is, MSG is a harmless chemical called monosodium glutamate.
Exactly.
I don't put anything in my body I can't pronounce.
Oh, so you wouldn't drink this? Dihydrogen monoxide? Sounds like something they'd use to clean the floors after they butcher baby cows in a factory farm.
It is, if you mean water.
(WATER SLOSHING) Every substance has an unpronounceable chemical name, and in MSG's case, that name tells you it's just one sodium ion from ordinary table salt added to an amino acid called glutamate, which is one of the major building blocks of protein.
It's found in tons of plants and animals, and your own body actually produces it.
- It's totally natural.
- Really? Then why is everyone so petrified of it? I mean, there has to be a reason.
Oh, there is, and it's real crazy.
(ADAM) In 1908, a Japanese chemist named Kikunae Ikeda decided to isolate a flavor he loved in soup called "umami.
" Ooh! Mommy! I love umami! Umami is what chef's call "the fifth taste.
" It's that savory, chicken brothy Oh, umami is very on trend.
We covered it in our May issue.
Well, Ikeda isolated the compound responsible for that tasty umami flavor glutamate added salt, and Eureka! MSG! (ADAM) His invention was revolutionary.
MSG was a magic bullet that made all savory food taste better.
Campbell's put it in their soups.
Buddhist monks even used it in their vegetarian food.
Mmm, delicious! (GASPS) Crap! My vow of silence.
Well, if it's so natural monks eat it Oh, goop! That's really good! Yeah, and you've been avoiding it for no good reason.
The fabricated flavor fear started in 1968, when one doctor wrote one little opinion letter to "The New England Journal of Medicine.
" (TYPEWRITER BELL DINGS) (GASPS) The letter went viral, and even though all types of restaurants were using MSG, frightened Americans only associated the supposed "syndrome" with Chinese restaurants.
I've got Chinese Restaurant Syndrome! MSG might harm youth! Chinese food make you Wow, even for the '70s, this is pretty racist.
Holy crow.
Yeah.
And unfortunately, all of those were real.
But all that panic was for nothing, because, after 50 years of research, the FDA finally concluded We were never able to confirm that the MSG caused the reported effects.
In fact, no one has ever consistently established a link between MSG consumption and those symptoms.
Okay, but I do get headaches every time I eat Chinese food.
I feel one coming on right now.
That monk tricked me.
Actually, that headache is all in your head.
I mean, more than most headaches.
The scientific consensus is that MSG sensitivity is a psychological phenomenon.
Case in point, you've actually been eating glutamate all day without even realizing it.
Glutamate is found naturally in tomatoes, green tea, mushrooms, steak, cheese, soy sauce, grape juice, kimchi, even breast milk.
But I've been drinking green tea, grape, and tomato juice all day, and I didn't get a headache until I ate that monk's food.
Exactly.
If you believe that MSG causes headaches, then you'll experience one just because you think you've eaten it.
Chinese food doesn't cause these symptoms.
Our fear of it does.
MSG is just a victim of a half a century of xenophobia and bad press.
It's always been safe and delicious.
So I've been drinking this garbage and avoiding Chinese food for no reason? - Yup! - Hmm.
- (BOTTLE CLATTERS) - Great.
(JULIA SIGHS) - Feel better? - No.
I feel worse.
Detoxing is a hoax.
MSG is a wonder spice.
Breathe, Julia.
You know what? You have options.
Crystals.
Magnets.
Crystal magnets.
Oh, I can feel it working already.
Oh, those things have no physical healing effect at all.
The only reason you feel like they do is because of one of the strangest mind control forces of Earth.
- (THUNDER BOOMING) - (LAUGHS MANIACALLY) (SCOFFS) What? Too much? (GROANS) Thomas, my neck is still killing me.
I need the works.
Salt lamps, crystals Moonstones, essential oils.
I'll give you the friends and family discount.
You are a prince.
(CASH REGISTER BELL DINGING) Whoa! Those are some pricey placebos! Thomas, darling, do you have anything that will cleanse me of annoying blond men? Oh! Be gone.
Adam, you don't know what you're talking about.
Crystals and energy healing actually work.
A placebo is when a doctor gives you a fake sugar pill instead of real medicine, and you think that you're getting better, but it's just in your head.
Oh, no, the placebo effect is far stronger than most people think.
(CHUCKLES) New studies are finding it can do such incredible things, it's almost like magic.
Welcome! I am The Great Placeboni! Placeboni! Plus, I'm a magician who uses placebos! And today's show features a special guest appearance by Dr.
Kathryn Hall! Ooh, she's a molecular biologist and Director of Placebo Genetics at Harvard Medical School's Program in Placebo Studies.
Nice to be here.
Placebos work so mysteriously, sometimes they might seem almost unbelievable.
(DR.
HALL) In one study, scientists gave a group of asthma patients an inhaler with real medicine and compared them to another group of patients that were given placebos.
(ADAM) And after the treatment, all groups reported about a 50% improvement.
Behold! So air is a miracle drug.
It made people breathe better.
No, there was no physical effect on their bodies, but the placebo effect made them feel like they could breathe better.
And the next study is even stranger.
For our next trick, we'll use the placebo effect to manipulate the way people perform on cognitive tests! In this study, researchers told one group of participants that brain wave analysis showed that they had gotten a great night's sleep.
And they told the other group that their brain wave analysis showed that they had slept poorly, and then they were given a cognitive test.
Wow, you slept great.
(BELL DINGS) You're gonna ace this test.
Regardless of how well they thought they'd actually slept, participants who were told they got a good night's sleep scored better on the tests than those who were told they slept poorly.
A perfect score! Usually magic is such a turn-off, but this is great.
Oh, it's not magic.
- It's the placebo effect! - Shh! Adam, you're gonna ruin the show.
If the patient finds out it's a placebo, it won't work anymore.
(DR.
HALL) Actually, it will.
Studies have shown that even if you know you're taking a placebo (STOMACH RUMBLING) Simply going to a doctor and getting a prescription can actually make you feel better! Wowza.
My bowels feel less irritable already.
So the placebo effect can cure diseases.
No, the placebo effect can't physically shrink a tumor or lower your cholesterol, but sometimes, like in the case of that guy's IBS, it can improve physical symptoms.
And for our final trick, Dr.
Hall and The Great Placeboni will alleviate the symptoms of Parkinson's! (TIGER GROWLING) (DR.
HALL) One study found that placebos could actually alleviate some of the symptoms of Parkinson's disease.
Placebos increased dopamine levels in the brain, causing symptoms like uncontrollable shaking to Diminish! (CAT MEOWS) (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) Thank you.
Thank you.
Wow.
Now, let's be clear.
These patients still have Parkinson's, but even though the treatment was a placebo, some of the patients that received it still saw some improvement.
The effect was even visible on their brain scans.
Wow, I had no idea that the placebo effect was so powerful.
Yup, and it explains a lot of your favorite wellness products too.
Wait, what? No.
Even though a lot of wellness treatments have very little scientific evidence behind them, they often still feel like they work.
Why? Because they're particularly adept at taking advantage of the placebo effect.
But this is different.
I mean, Thomas is a professional.
Right, and the placebo effect seems to have something to do with the authority of who's giving it out.
(ADAM) And you'll notice wellness practitioners tend to wear uniforms and have diplomas on the wall.
Ritual and aesthetics also play a role, thus the ambient music, the candles, and the hot towels.
And more expensive prices can increase the effect.
(CASH REGISTER BELL DINGING) Think about it.
Everything in here takes advantage of the placebo effect.
Isn't that incredible? Uh-oh.
Something's wrong.
Everything that made me feel better is useless, and I feel really stupid.
- I hope you're happy, Adam.
- (CRYSTAL CLATTERS ON FLOOR) So not grateful for your presence.
Ah! Julia! You know you locked yourself in the supply closet, right? I know where I am.
If I can't get the chemicals out of me, I may as well just move in with them.
You're my only friend now isopropyl alcohol.
Are you okay? No! My neck hurts, and I'm never gonna get my article done because everything that makes me feel better is a placebo scam! I hope you're proud of yourself, Adam, 'cause you just debunked me into a lot of pain! No.
Look.
You've got it all wrong.
The fact that all these treatments are placebos means that in a very real sense they can help.
Really? Absolutely.
Used properly, placebos can have a real therapeutic benefit.
Even traditional medicine takes advantage of the placebo response.
When a doctor sees you in their office and listens to your concerns, that ritual of care is part of what helps you feel better, especially if you're dealing with unhealthy stress and despair.
And even though wellness treatments may not cure diseases, their rituals can have those same beneficial effects.
You're in good hands.
We're gonna take care of you.
Huh.
The most important thing is that you listen to your body and do what works best for you.
In my research, we're actually finding that some people have stronger responses to placebo treatment than others.
It can be enhanced by your genetic predispositions, your beliefs about the healthcare system, even your personality.
What's even more exciting is that it appears that some drugs can block and mimic the placebo response.
So in a clinical trial, it makes it really hard to tell if that drug is better than placebo or placebo is better than drug.
It's an incredibly exciting time in our understanding of the human body.
That's incredible.
Now, it's crucial not to neglect traditional medicine.
You still need to go to your doctor and discuss all of your treatment options.
But if you feel like you're getting some benefit from wellness treatments, there's no harm in pursuing them too.
Yeah, go ahead.
Salt-scrub your stress out.
Put a crystal in your candle, why don't ya? Okay, thanks, Dr.
Hall.
No problem.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some relaxing to do.
Oh, and, uh, here.
Think you might want this? (SIGHING) Oh, I know it's a placebo, but it really does make me feel so much better.
Wait! Wait, Adam.
That's my article! Oh, my God! I would kiss you, but I think of you more as like a little brother or like a human pamphlet.
- (GIGGLES) - That's okay.
I have a girlfriend! And we've kissed twice.
(GASPS) Mail for me! Huh.
I don't subscribe to "Grateful for your presence.
Julia.
" (CLICKS TONGUE) Aww.
"Round Glasses are Bad Now"? Oh, man! Hello, I'm here on set on "Adam Ruins Everything" 'cause I got way more questions for Dr.
Gerry Mullin about his work.
So let's talk about colon cleanses.
How did this become such a trendy procedure? Well, some celebs start doing it and actually start boasting about its benefits.
And then the spas, that becomes part of the package to appeal to cleanse and detox and renew and rejuvenate.
It grew off the legs of the holistic movement - Mm-hmm.
- But it may not be the best part of it.
So it sounds like one of the big problems with the colon cleanses is that they flush out your microbiome, which I've heard a lot about as being this new, exciting part of medicine.
Can you tell me more about that? Yeah, the gut microbiome is a ecosystem that's within us.
Trillions of bacteria, but also viruses, fungi, all kinds of organisms Inside of our bodies? Correct.
You really don't want to force-flush them out.
The bacteria within us is similar to the Amazon rainforest.
- Wow.
- So more is better in terms of different species, and they work together in in like a symphony.
And so this is a good thing that we've got like an "Avatar" jungle of strange creatures in our guts? Absolutely.
So we actually work in symbiosis with them.
We actually feed them, hopefully, the right foods, and in return, they help nourish us.
If you really want to help them biodiversify, buy foods that are called "prebiotic foods.
" Hmm.
These are foods that actually get fermented by the bacteria into nutrients that help support us.
And what other kinds of foods? Prebiotic? Right.
So there's prebiotic foods, and then there's There's probiotic foods foods that actually contain - these live bacteria that support us - Hmm.
Like kefir, yogurt, sauerkraut, miso soup.
Yeah, mm-hmm.
These are things that actually have the live bacteria that can actually help repopulate and support these this large and vast ecosystem that really determines our health.
So a lot of wellness practitioners will make claims about, "Oh, your body's out of balance, and you need to correct it.
" Is that a real thing? Is it possible for your body to be out of balance? - Yes, it is.
- Oh, okay.
Being out of balance, at least in the traditional Chinese medicine, Ayurvedic medicine, is what leads to disease.
And some of that really is believed to start in the gut.
So if you want to get someone's health back in order, the gut is a good place to do that.
So it's almost as though some of those very ancient forms of medicine, traditional Chinese medicine and things like that, we're actually finding the reasons for why that might be an accurate diagnosis that they would have given? Yeah, it's interesting that the science now validates the practice, whether it's ancient practice or a current practice, by different practitioners who believe in lifestyle medicine and holistic medicine is that we bring people's lifestyles back in balance, which includes sleep, decrease stress, and also the foods.
Once you do all those things, you can support the gut bacterial balance, and they, in turn, will support our health and mitigate disease.
See, I love that, because our argument on the show is not that all wellness treatments or all forms of alternative medicine are bad.
Right.
It's that there's some, like colon cleanses and the color-changing fabric that are real scams, but then there are others that have a lot of validity to them, and we can actually find out which is which through science.
Correct.
There's dietary studies, herbals, different alternative medicine studies that are out there, mind-body meditation, mindfulness there's many studies showing that there is evidence that there is effectiveness for them.
Well, thank you so much for coming on the show to talk to us ab, Dr.
Mullin.
Oh, my pleasure.
Thank you.
And thank you, folks, for watching.
We'll see you next time.

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