Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. s06e03 Episode Script

Fear and Loathing on the Planet of Kitson

1 Previously on "Marvel's Agents of S.
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" SIMMONS: I found something inside the chamber.
"Naro-Atzia".
I've seen it before.
It's a planet.
That's where Fitz would go.
Going that deep is not smart.
No! We can't let this trail go cold.
Enter the coordinates for Earth.
Let's get out of here.
The coordinates are already locked in.
[ENGINE WHIRS] We are approaching Naro-Atzia.
FITZ: Is it safe for us down there? ENOCH: It will be challenging to conceal that we have murdered the Controller.
The other crew members They could easily find employment on the planet of Kitson.
DAISY: What did you just do? [BREATHES SHARPLY] He's here.
I can feel it.
[GUN CLICKS] [COMPUTER BEEPING] [GUN CLICKS] Marvel's Agents of S.
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6x02 Fear and Loathing on the Planet of Kitson/fon DAVIS: She's reckless and dangerous! PIPER: She deliberately disobeyed your orders.
She seriously compromised our chances of getting home.
We are almost out of food, and we don't even know how many more jumps we can make.
We need to confine her to the cargo hold.
She put our lives and the mission at risk.
Fitz is the mission.
We didn't come this far to give up.
Cowards.
Enough.
Everybody stand down and take a breath.
Simmons is right.
Fitz is the mission.
But I'm the mission leader, and that was my call to make, not yours.
Whose side are you on? You know damn well whose side we are all on.
We went to a Fire Planet for you.
We followed every bread crumb trying to find him, and now we're at the end of a galaxy because of a tiny word we can't even read.
I told you what it said! We need to take a step back, Jemma.
We can't save Fitz if we can't save ourselves.
[SCOFFS] We're going home.
Hopefully we can make it there.
Go if you want, but I'm staying.
Permission denied.
And if you have a problem with that, I'll have you locked up until we get there.
I'd like to see you try.
[RUMBLING, BUZZING] What was that? [COMPUTER BEEPS] PRYCE: Greetings.
Welcome to Naro-Atzia.
I am Pretorious Pryce, your duly sanctioned customs officer.
Your spacecraft has been docked, and I'm requesting permission to come aboard for your welcoming inspection.
That won't be necessary.
Not sure I understand.
Change of plans.
We won't be visiting your planet, um, but thank you.
It looks lovely.
[CLEARS THROAT] Perhaps I wasn't clear.
The forms have been prepared, and you're already in the system.
Okay, well, just take us out of the system, and then we'll be on our way.
Once you are in the system, you are in the system.
As I said, there are forms, prepared forms.
I don't like the rules, but they must be enforced.
Fine.
Come aboard.
[COMPUTER BEEPS] Maybe he inspected Fitz's ship.
We can at least ask, can't we? He could be so close.
BOYLE: These snails should fetch a good price at market, enough to buy fuel and supplies for several cycles.
Where you heading? Naro-Atzia.
ENOCH: And from there, back to our solar system so we can orbit Jupiter for another 72 years, 312 days, after we purchase a Cryo-Chamber.
Your business is your business.
You know, we heard what you did.
You saved this crew, gave the Controller his walking papers.
You're real heroes.
Anyone would have done the same.
[SCOFFS] Not around here.
Those look good.
They taste even better.
These are not meant for Terran consumption, especially not on an empty stomach.
[METAL CLATTERS] We will find you nourishment after we are paid.
- I know, but I'm starving.
- Yeah, about that.
We're just gonna take the snails and the, uh, ship, too.
Why are you doing this? My business is my business.
And yours, well [CLICKING] seems to be everybody's.
BOYLE: It's really simple.
You can get off my ship right now or we tell the local enforcers you're here.
Take the snails and leave the ship.
It's our only way off this planet.
Tell you what.
I will pay you for it.
Really? This planet has a reputation.
Fortunes are lost here.
But fortunes are won, as well.
Maybe your luck will take an upswing.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] [SPEAKS NATIVE LANGUAGE] [SPEAKS NATIVE LANGUAGE] Welcome to the House of Games.
Please check your weapons and moral high ground, then walk through the scanner.
Robots, droids, mechs, cyborgs, and synths are strictly prohibited.
Violators will be removed and executed.
I think maybe you should wait outside.
Enoch! [BEEPS] [BEEPS] Hey.
Hey! Welcome to the House of Games.
[WHISPERING] How'd you make it through? I am not a robot, droid, mech, cyborg, or synth.
I am a Chronicom.
I was designed with internal mechanisms that mask my non-organic structure and mimic human biological function.
I can easily fool any scanner.
[NORMAL VOICE] Cool.
Good to know.
Glad you made it.
I must admit that this journey together, from the moment our ship was attacked until now, barring perhaps that one incident with the MazTats, has been quite stimulating and informative.
Are you seriously trying to tell me that you're having fun? It would seem that, yes, I am having a facsimile of what you would call "fun".
And Fitz Yes, Enoch? I think, during this past year, you have become what one would call my best friend.
Is it safe to assume you feel the same? Do you want to know how I feel? I feel like we are Xandarian snails.
Keep moving, but we're not getting anywhere.
We need money to get off this planet, and all we have is this one lousy chip.
[DRIVING ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYS] [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] Not exactly Monte Carlo.
[GAMBLERS CHEERING] One chip is all we may need.
I am well-versed in over 10,000 intergalactic games of chance, several of which are being played in this casino.
And you're only just telling me that now? Which games are you good at? Approximately none.
I have no experiential knowledge.
I have only been an observer.
I'm never gonna see her again.
PRYCE: You'll be on your way in no time.
Please surrender your weapons per section 312-64782, paragraph 626 of boarding protocol 1516.
[GUN CLACKS ON CONTAINER] We better get those back.
I don't carry one.
Your weapons shall be returned upon satisfactory completion of your inspection, per section 312-64782 Yeah, we got it.
[CLEARS THROAT] What is your planet of origin? Earth.
Terrans? Purpose of your visit to Naro-Atzia? We're looking for this man.
We believe he may be down on your planet.
His name is Leopold Fitz.
You shouldn't have said that name.
Why? Because he's here, listening.
Fitz is here? [GUN DISCHARGES] SIMMONS: Daisy! - [GUN DISCHARGES] - [GRUNTS] PRYCE: Please, friend.
There is no need of further violence.
I am confident the remaining crew will submit peacefully.
[EXHALES SHARPLY] Davis? [EXHALES] Guess we didn't pass inspection.
- [DRIVING ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYS] - Yo.
Here we go.
[SIVIANS CHEERING] I really-really don't know which game gives us the best chance.
Perhaps a drink will help us decide.
- Two Barracooladas, please.
- Of course.
What the bloody hell? Not to worry.
They're quite delicious.
It's not about how they taste.
It's about how much they cost.
How How do you expect to pay for those liquid monstrosities with one lousy chip? Your point is well taken.
Perhaps I should not have ordered such premium beverages.
Let me remedy this situation.
Hm.
Hey, hey! Enoch.
Enoch! [BEEPS] GAMING TABLE COMPUTER: Winner.
How did you do that? It had been over 30 rotations since the marker last landed on the Beast of Clovers.
My computations had the precise odds of it occurring on that spin as You're an advanced computer.
- That feels reductive.
- No.
Nope, not reductive.
This is exciting.
You can win us the money.
It was unwise for me to have gambled.
The rules are quite clear on synthetic beings.
Hey, hey.
That's what best friends are for.
Think about it for breaking the rules, putting it all on the line.
I am aware of instances where best friends have committed lawless acts together.
- Exactly.
- Even murder.
What? No.
That's That's, um that's a really worrying thing to have said.
Why not maybe just stick to gambling? This is where fortunes are won, right? You and your friends are out of time.
Says the guy who is chained to the stairs.
Why were you asking the inspector about Fitz? Leopold Fitz is a wanted man.
Wanted for what? Tampering with the universe.
What made you think Fitz would be here? Was it the Cryo-Chamber? I cannot speak to his purpose, only that Leopold Fitz was scheduled to arrive in the next incoming vessel.
You're right.
He's alive.
And close.
[EXHALES SHARPLY] The inspector.
- Maybe he can help us find that ship.
- On it.
Leopold Fitz should not be here.
Agreed.
He should be with us, back on Earth.
Earth is where he died.
Over a year ago, if I'm not mistaken.
What are you? A hunter.
As I said previously, you and your friends are out of time.
[SLURPS] Hmm.
The brine really is the best part.
Wouldn't you agree? As far as I can tell, that's where the big fish are playing.
The table appears populated with degenerates and outlaws.
It shall be an honor to join their ranks.
That depends on your poker face.
I'm afraid this is the only face I have available.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS, LAUGHTER] Hello, fellow brigands.
I look forward to playing this game of chance with you.
- No need to make conversation.
- Next game.
Ante please.
- - First down.
Call the bet.
Sir.
- Winner player 3.
- GAMBLER: [CHUCKLES] [APPLAUSE] - [GRUMBLES] - That's a gutsy move there, buddy.
Why thank you, agreeable companion.
- [CHUCKLES] - Place your bets.
So, it turns out another ship was supposed to arrive when we did, - but it turned around last minute.
- Where'd it go? Well, it says here, the planet Kitson.
Let me see that.
Your friend must be a man of perverted desire.
- Hey.
- Why would you say that? Because the planet of Kitson is a nasty place, absent any basic scrap of decency.
Someone just described Florida.
Most are ashamed to utter the word "Kitson" as it sounds like the braying of an animal in heat.
There's even a well-known saying "What happens on the planet of Kitson" "Stays on Kitson"? No.
"Is contagious and burns".
Bets.
[APPLAUSE] DEALER: Player 3 wins again.
Mm-mmm.
Look at you.
- Ante up.
- How 'bout one for my pal here? Maybe I can get some of that good luck of yours to rub off.
I assure you luck has nothing to do with it.
Uh-oh.
[LAUGHS] [LAUGHS] [LAUGHS] - Place your bets.
- GAMBLER: Whoa, now.
Shades is all-in.
- [EXHALES SHARPLY] - Bets.
That's a little bit too rich for my blood, compadre.
- That is quite useful to know.
- Sir, your bet.
Wait.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
I don't really think you want to go in on this one.
Not to worry.
We are in good standing.
And also, I may have found a like-minded friend to join in our adventures.
Oh, he's not our friend.
Certainly not with that attitude.
On second thought, maybe I will play this hand.
All bets in.
Hm.
- [APPLAUSE] - Player 4 wins.
Looks like you could've used some of that luck after all, hm? But you professed the hand as being too rich.
Mm-hmm.
Was that statement intentionally false? You bet your ass it was.
See, it didn't take long to realize that you are great at cards but dumb as hell at people.
Thanks for playing, buddy.
[CHIPS CLATTERING] [LAUGHS] [BEEPS] There it goes again.
BOYLE: It's someone trying to contact the ship.
Before anybody realizes what happened, we'll be living like kings on the unsullied shores of Leitner.
[CHUCKLES] [RUMBLING] [METAL CREAKING] Who the hell are you? Who the hell are you? I'm the Controller of this ship, and you're trespassing.
[GUNS CLICK] Okay, everybody just suck on some calm.
We're looking for this man.
He was on this ship.
Oh? What's it worth to, uh Aah! Aah! What are your bones worth to you, 'cause I'll break every single one of them until you start talking.
[GROANS] H-How did you [SCREAMS] Okay! Okay W-We didn't hurt him or do anything wrong.
We just They're outlaws.
We could have turned them in, but we didn't.
We just took their ship and let them go 'cause we're nice.
Them? Yeah, that ah, that guy and his friend, some creepy bald dude.
Enoch.
Fitz he's here and not alone.
Do you guys need anything else? Those.
They're all yours.
They look really good.
Oh, my God.
So good.
Take some.
Food.
Where did our friends go? On this planet, it could be one of two places the casino or the brothels, depending on how well they did at the casino.
FITZ: You lost everything.
He intentionally deceived me.
It's called bluffing.
You should know.
You do it all the time.
I most certainly do not.
You're a robot pretending to be a human.
That's bluffing.
I am not a robot.
Chronicom.
Whatever.
[SIGHS] Were you bluffing when you said I was your best friend? What does it matter? I have disappointed you, and we may be, as they say, down on our luck, but there are other ways to earn money.
[SCOFFS] How? The brothels of Kitson.
We are both healthy and not unattractive specimens, and I am well-versed in over 130 Stop.
Brothels are not an option.
Then perhaps a game that doesn't require bluffing but has a strategy based entirely on mathematical odds.
Why wouldn't you start with that game? Because the stakes are very high.
How high? - Ah.
- Hmm.
Uh-huh.
Guess you don't need much muscle when you have a sizable brain.
[SNIFFS] You earned a very good price.
Wait, what? I'm the collateral? That is correct.
If you lose, you will be sold into slavery.
PERSON: No.
Oh, God, no, please.
No, no, please! Please, oh, God! Your seat is now available.
I yeah, yeah, no.
This was your idea.
You play.
I'm the one who has to count the tiles.
I will signal you using a high-pitched tone that only human ears can register.
One tone for a hold, two tones for hit.
[SIGHS] Also, make sure you do not get a 14.
Wait, what? What's that mean? Don't get a 14? [WHIRRING, CLANKS] Let's begin the game, shall we? DAISY: Once we get inside, we'll separate and search, and if he's not here He better be dead.
What? Better dead than in the brothels.
[SNORTS] [CHUCKLES] GREETER: Welcome to the House of Games.
[SLOWLY DISTORTS] Please check your weapons and moral high ground.
Robots, droids, mechs, cyborgs, and synths are strictly prohibited.
[NORMAL VOICE] Violators will be removed and executed.
[SPEAKS ALIEN LANGUAGE] - Are you feeling okay? - Are you? - I asked you first.
- I asked you second.
On 3.
1, 2, 3 - I'm tripping balls.
I'm tripping balls.
- I'm not okay at all.
Oh, we seem to be experiencing some kind of adverse reaction to something.
[SNIFFS] Perhaps the atmosphere.
Maybe sending Davis back to the Zephyr was a bad idea.
No, I'm sure this is just temporary.
Our bodies will adjust.
Welcome.
[BEEPS] So pretty.
DAISY: I'm just gonna say it.
I don't think it's the atmosphere.
- No.
That was silly.
- Yeah.
It's clearly p-psychopharmacological expiali - docious.
- Docious! [BOTH LAUGH] [COUGHS] Oh, I think it was the things, the little puffies that we ate.
Bad little puffies.
[LAUGHS] Davis ate, like, six.
[BOTH LAUGH] Oh.
I hope he's okay.
[BOTH LAUGH] PIPER: [DISTORTED] Hey.
[NORMAL VOICE] Hey.
What is wrong with you? [CHUCKLES] I ate the yummies.
Oh.
Who else had them? Daisy, Simmons, all those giraffes.
Hey.
Stay here.
Do not mo Do not move.
I'm gonna try and reach them.
[ECHOING] Stay.
[GRUNTS] [GROANS] Oh.
We made it.
Yes, we did.
Why are we here? - Because we're on a mission.
- Right.
What is the mission? The mission is Ladies' night! Yeah! Ay-ay-ay-ay! [TRILLS TONGUE] [BOTH SHOUTING] Do you remember when we first met? Yeah.
You lived in a van.
- Mm-hmm.
- And it really smelled.
- No, it didn't.
- Yeah.
- We called it the Fartmobile.
- [GASPS] [BOTH LAUGH] You had You had big hair.
You had big nerd face.
Do you What house are you in, hm? Gryffindor? Uh, Ravenclaw.
Girl, please.
[BOTH LAUGHING BACKWARDS] Do you know any spells? [GASPS] Expecto Patronum! Hello, little monkey Fitz.
Fitz.
This might sound so weird, but I feel such a strong connection to you, like we're both different parts of the same cosmic being.
Do you feel it? Mm-hmm.
I can feel it.
I Your ship or mine? [BREATHING HEAVILY] I'm a secret agent in space.
I'm supposed to be watching Whoa.
[GULPS] Uh, hey, there.
Hey, Davis, you in here? Got you some animal crackers, you big, dumb baby.
Oh, crap.
Davis.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Davis.
Wake up.
- Davis.
Davis! Wake up! - [GASPS] [GROANS] That guy is like some sort of shape-shifting contortionist assassin.
Yeah, I'm sure he is, reliable witness.
Any idea where he went? Oh.
Animal crackers.
Great.
- [RATTLING] - DAISY: Things were definitely getting weird.
An alien had just propositioned me at the bar my little British friend was missing [DISTORTED, INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] and everyone around me smelled like cheese.
Panic was starting to take hold when I suddenly noticed a dainty pair of feet.
Don't worry, everybody.
I got this.
[EXHALES] Oh.
Hey, I think my parents are mice.
That makes sense.
I'm sorry for dragging you across the universe.
Oh, no, don't be.
It's good.
It's only made us closer.
I just miss Fitz so much.
Aw, yeah.
I'm sorry.
[SIGHS] I wish I had my own Fitz.
Well, not Fitz, but, you know No, I know.
[VOICE BREAKING] You've had just awful luck in that department.
It's so sad.
But you are so strong now and so confident.
I'm so proud of you.
Really? It means so much coming from you.
You just mean so much.
You're my best friend.
[VOICE BREAKING] I love you, too.
Your skin is so soft.
I know.
- [HIGH-PITCHED TONE] - Shh.
[NORMAL VOICE] What is it? [NORMAL VOICE] Shh.
- [HIGH-PITCHED TONE] - Do you hear that? [HIGH-PITCHED TONE SOUNDS TWICE] [EXHALES SHARPLY] I mean, it sounds almost like a dolphin.
[HIGH-PITCHED TONE SOUNDS TWICE] [CHIPS CLATTER] Hit me.
25.
Well played, sir.
Are you sure? Come on, green bean.
I don't got all day.
Oh, God.
No, please.
No.
No, no, oh, God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, please, please, please, please.
No, no, no, no.
Please, oh, God, oh, God.
[GRUNTS] [COUGHS] What the hell was that? Never hit on 4.
Five players remain.
As we begin Round 6.
Players, please place your wagers.
[CONVERSATION IN ALIEN LANGUAGE] Would you like to place a wager, sir? Sir? Sorry, yes.
My turn.
Hm.
What are the odds of me getting a 7 or less? Any dealer caught giving odds is fed to Mr.
Kitson's Vrellnexian.
Sorry.
I didn't know that.
Uh, okay, hm.
So, to hit or to fold [CLICKS TONGUE] [SLOWLY] That is the question now.
[CRACKLING] [ALARM SOUNDS] Aah! Aah! [ALARM CONTINUES] A synth.
Everybody, vacate the room.
[ALARM BLARING CONTINUES] The two of you arrived together.
[YELLING] No, that was just a coincidence.
Which would explain your good fortune.
[ALARM BLARING CONTINUES] See that he and his robot friend stay put.
Mr.
Kitson would want to deal with them personally.
Back away from the computer.
Don't even think about it.
Totally evaporated.
Big guy's two for two.
Yeah, well, he got away, big guy, and you totally destroyed our fuse box.
Oh.
But where did he go? The real question is, who was he trying to contact? - [ALARM BLARING] - Ohh.
Ohh, I'm never eating alien food again.
No, but is it possible to share auditory hallucinations? I think this is something different.
[ALL SPEAKING IN ALIEN LANGUAGE] And why does nobody else seem bothered by it? Maybe it's only perceptible to humans.
Like a secret signal.
Ah.
- Fitz.
- Fitz.
- Ow.
- Ohh.
FITZ: Ah.
Come on, now.
[GRUNTS] - [ALARM STOPS] - [EXHALES SHARPLY] What are you doing? I'm rebooting you.
I am not comfortable with this level of intimacy, even with my best friend.
Well, you shouldn't set off a bloody air-raid alarm, should you? [GROANS] Whoops.
Whoops? What's whoops? That noise you refer to as an air-raid alarm, it is, in fact, a remote override of my system.
Something did that to you? Not a thing.
A Chronicom.
I fear we are in grave danger.
I'm pretty sure Chronicoms are the least of our worries.
You are unaware of the varietals of Chronicoms.
I, for instance, am an anthropologist.
My primary functions are intended for research and sensual gratification.
Moving swiftly on to the types of ones that are coming here.
Those would be hunters.
Welcome to the House of Games.
Please check your weapons and [RAPID BEEPING] [INDISTINCT CONVERSATION] Oh [GRUNTING] - Excuse me.
- Oh.
- Hello? - Oh.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] DAISY: Oh.
Oh, man.
Do those guys look like the guy that we have tied up on the Zephyr? I see them, too, which means they're very real, and they're here for Fitz.
They'll have to get by me first.
[ALL SCREAMING, GLASS SHATTERING] [PATRONS COUGHING] That was way off.
Shut down.
Which can only mean I am decommissioned.
I am useless now.
I have soiled the integrity of Chronicoms.
The name Enoch will be an unspeakable sound.
This isn't helping.
We need to find a way out of here or they're gonna skin us alive.
They can have my skin.
I don't need it anymore.
It is my uniform of shame.
You're not useless, Enoch, okay? You're not.
So please, shut up and help me get thi [GASPS] What is that smell? The foul stench of the name Enoch.
No, it's coming from him.
What is that? He's a Crepetolian.
Their blood is 75% sulfur.
[GRUNTS] Hey! I got him.
Fire! Okay.
You go.
I got it from here.
Are you sure? Yeah.
If I can't quake it, I'll break it.
Okay.
Go.
[EXHALES SHARPLY] Sorry, boys.
It's ladies' night.
Whoo! Oh.
[WHIRRING] [GRUNTING] Why do I exist? I am nothing.
I'm a speck of dust in the infinite.
Okay, Enoch An afterthought in the worm-ridden mind of the black void.
Okay.
I'm gonna need you to spark up.
So you take a break from being infinite nothing and do that for me? Why would I do anything when there is no purpose? We will all soon be dust and rust.
'Cause you're my best friend.
Remember? That's your purpose.
You're bluffing.
No.
I'm not.
[SIGHS] I can't believe I'm saying this, because you are Chronicom.
Decommissioned.
Gonna say a massive pain in the ass, but You've grown on me.
So, yeah.
You are my best friend.
For you, my best friend, I would do anything.
- - Come on.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS, COUGHING] P-Pardon me, sir, but I have reason to believe that my husband, sorry, uh, my future husband is behind that door.
And what reason is that? Uh, the the the dolphin told me in a secret signal only I can hear that was meant just for me.
You need to lay off those puffs, lady.
Is it that obvious? You've been under that gaming table for the last 20 minutes.
That long? [SIGHS] I've lost my mind.
I've completely lost my mind.
[GUN COCKS] [RUMBLING] [BREATHING HEAVILY] Please let that be the last of them.
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING] I don't even know what I'm doing here.
Then maybe it's best you just go on home.
This isn't a place for a nice girl like you.
[PANTING] Jemma? [CRIES] [RUMBLING] [GASPS] Fitz? Jemma Simmons? You should not be here.
We'll return in a moment.
They have nice stars here.
Seen better, seen worse.
[DEVICE BEEPING] Okay.
It's ready.
How many do you think there are? Stars? I don't know.
Not stars.
Guess we're about to find out.
[CANNON BUZZES] [CANNON SHUTS OFF] Well? Seen better, seen worse.
Let's go make a mess.
I have a mission for you.
This is your chance to catch Tal.
- Can I trust you? - (BOOM) I will know where your loyalties truly lie.
- - Kill him.
Get into the season finale of "The Enemy Within" Sunday on CTV.
Then stream anytime.