Alfred Hitchcock Presents s01e03 Episode Script

That's precisely why I don't care for Russian roulette.
I never seem to win.
There are two revolvers such as this which play a part in tonight's story.
It is what you might call a Western, although there isn't a horse to be seen.
We intended to get horses, but they couldn't remember the lines.
So you'll be seeing people instead.
The cast is a very small one and threatens to become smaller with every passing moment.
You see, two of the characters have threatened to eliminate each other on sight.
Now, I am sure there are some of you who don't want to see them do that.
So I suggest instead that you listen to our sponsor's message.
More coffee, Ben? No, thanks.
Let me tell you, Maggie, them hotcakes of yours just melt in a fellow's mouth.
I'll be danged if I don't feel like another stack.
Maggie.
Look, Ben, you get your chores done and then I'll cook you a steak for lunch.
Well With hash brown potatoes.
And apple pie for dessert.
You're right, Maggie.
Another stack of them cakes might ruin my appetite for lunch.
The fire's low.
You better bring in some wood from the shed, Ben.
You going to keep that stove burning all day? Of course.
Sort of silly.
Ain't gonna have no customers today.
Maggie, a fellow would be plumb loco to travel the Crossroads in this storm.
Now, Ben, don't tell me that you couldn't find the shed in all that rain.
You going to leave the door open, Del? You alone here, Maggie? No customers.
Mind if I warm up? Now that's a silly question.
Take off your slicker and sit down.
Much obliged.
Haven't seen you in a long time, Del.
You on your way to Copper City? Maybe.
I ain't decided yet.
You must be hungry.
Get yourself comfortable, and I'll fix you some breakfast.
I'm comfortable, Maggie.
Don't you even want to take your gun belt off? I'm comfortable.
What'll it be? Hotcakes, ham and eggs, steak? You name it.
Makes no difference.
Whatever you got handy.
Hey! I'm sorry.
Well, be more than sorry.
You go and help him pick it up.
Sorry, Ben.
It's all right, Del.
Only you scared me, coming in here, seeing a gun aimed right at me.
You're almost out of kerosene.
If you're going to keep them lamps burning all day, you'll run out before night.
Oh, no.
Better ride back to town and get some more.
I hate to ask you, Ben.
Don't mind.
Long as you don't forget about that steak and apple pie.
I'll fix it for you as soon as you get back.
Mighty fine.
Ben.
Yeah.
I'd be obliged if you'd do favor for me.
Sure thing.
When you go back into town, don't mention that you've seen me out here.
It's all right, Ben.
All right, I won't mention it.
Sit down, Del, and I'll start your breakfast.
Thanks, Maggie.
Thanks for not asking a lot of questions.
Well, you stopped here to eat.
Where you been and where you're going ain't my concern.
You're a mighty fine gal, Mag.
Save your blarney for the town women.
No, I mean it.
Here you are, stuck out at the Crossroads all alone, fixing food for saddle tramps.
Good food.
You got a lot of friends.
I got a good business here.
I get all kinds of trade.
I get them coming and I get them running.
You figure I'm running? Not hard.
But any time a man won't take off his gun belt to eat a meal he's got a pretty good reason.
And the reason usually is that he thinks he might need it.
You just never know what you might run into around here.
That's true, like an old man carrying wood might come in.
Now a man needs a gun to draw in a case like that.
Let's drop it, Maggie.
Sure.
Tell me, Del, what's new in town? Not much.
I hear Lucy Benson's gone and got herself twins.
Morning, Red.
Get out of the way, Maggie! Do what the man says, Maggie.
Step back out of the way.
Have you two gone loco? You didn't think I'd catch up with you, did you, Delaney? I was hoping you wouldn't, Red.
It'd make sense.
First you run away, so you won't have to face me and now, here you are hiding behind a female's skirts.
Move aside, Mag.
Move aside! No, I'm not budging from this spot until you hear me out.
I've known you a long time, Del.
I know you're fast with that gun, but I ain't never known you to pick a fight.
I didn't pick this one, either.
This buck here is set on forcing my hand.
Now, hold on a minute.
What have you got against Del? He's yellow.
He'll fight a man when he's liquored up, but not when he's sober.
What do you mean by that? I'll tell you what he means by that.
We was playing cards last night.
This hard-headed coyote has too much to drink gets real reckless.
I couldn't play with him when I saw how drunk he was.
I decided to quit the game.
You decided to quit when you was ahead.
You wouldn't give me a chance to get even, would you? Kid, I could've cleaned you out.
You was so drunk, you couldn't even sort your own cards.
You mean all of this is over a hand of poker? It was more than that.
This redheaded buck here objects to my quitting.
He gets wild.
He starts calling me names I don't like to be called.
Tells me to go for my gun, says he could outdraw me.
I would've, too.
Kid, I could've sent you to Boot Hill before your hand even touched leather.
But I get no kick out of killing drunk cowboys.
Well, now, will you hear him, Maggie? You know what he done last night? He flanged a glass of whiskey in my face.
And then when I was blinded, he hit me in the eye with a bottle.
It was a fist, laddie.
Not a bottle.
Fist or bottle.
It was still a yellow play.
Of all the stupid Red, you act like you're still liquored up.
Maggie, it's best you keep out of this.
No, I won't.
Del's right, he could've killed you last night, but he used his head.
Now you're mad because you think he made a fool of you at the saloon.
Grow up, Red.
All right, Maggie.
Ask him what he's doing way out here.
I'll tell you what.
When he heard this morning that I was gunning for him he saddled up and he hightailed it right out of town.
That's right.
I didn't want to kill you last night 'cause you was too drunk.
I don't want to kill you this morning 'cause you was too full of hurt pride.
Figured it'd be easier to just leave town for a while.
You're a dirty, lying coward.
You ain't very bright, are you, kid? All right, I tried.
But I'm through trying now.
You're sober.
If it's a fight you want, you'll get it.
Let me talk to him, Del.
It won't do no good, Maggie.
Use a little horse sense, Red.
Del done you a favor last night.
So you think he made a fool out of you.
That's better than shooting you down.
If he could've shot me down.
I say, even drunk, I could outdraw him.
Now you know better than that.
Why, Del here's the best- Lay up, Maggie! Maybe you could talk him in to quitting, but not me.
It's too far gone now.
All right, go on, kill each other.
You're both too loco to live.
My ham's burning and a piece of ham's worth more than either one of you wild cats.
All right, which one's going to be the killer? Which one gets the rope around his neck? What are you jabbering about, Maggie? I'm going to kill this bucko here fair and square.
You're wrong, Red.
You're both going to die.
And I aim to see to it.
I'm a witness and I'll swear to the first man I see draw his gun.
And it'll be murder.
And the first man to draw is going to hang.
You'll see.
All right.
Who's going to be the killer? Who do I tell the Sheriff drew first? I'm waiting, Red.
You're anxious to make the first play, go ahead.
Go on.
No, Delaney, I'll let you make the first move.
You'll need the extra break.
Maggie's words make sense.
If I draw first, then I get charged with murder.
I figure it'd be best to let you hit your leather before I do and I could still outdraw you.
Well, now, fancy that.
You know, I was thinking the very same thing.
You could have that pistol half cleared, and I could still beat you.
To the law, it would be self-defense.
You're both too cocky for your own good.
It looks like you are both going to wait for the other one to draw first.
It's a shame to waste this ham, so I think I'll just scramble up some eggs and then you can both eat while you're waiting.
I'll eat later.
You'll eat lead and that's all.
Go for your gun and find out.
No, Delaney, after you.
Smells good, Maggie.
You could both use some food in your bellies.
A man's got a better temper on a full stomach.
I said later.
Getting jumpy, Delaney? Maggie, fix me a place this side of the table.
Maybe me sitting down will give old whiskey-tosser here enough advantage for him to chance a draw against me.
There now.
That ought to be advantage enough.
All right, Delaney.
Make your play.
I don't need an advantage over you, tinhorn.
All right, Maggie.
I've changed my mind.
I'll eat now.
Fix two places.
Here now, Maggie.
Bring the man his last meal.
I'm the one that'll be feeding tonight.
You'll be feeding, too.
Feeding the buzzards.
Two orders, coming up.
You know, Maggie, it's too bad you have to feed this here bucko.
I hate to see such good food wasted on a corpse.
Talk's cheap, Red.
Try a little action.
After you.
You ought to be ashamed.
Two grown men acting like kids.
Both hands on the table.
Sure.
Why not? Maggie, cut my ham for me.
I'm one-handed today.
Cut mine, too, Maggie.
Big, brave men.
All you think about is nerve and how fast you can draw a gun.
Del here is fast, Maggie.
But I'm just a wee bit faster.
Glad you're going to be eating, Red.
Man can't talk nonsense when his mouth's full.
Why don't you drop your right hand down to your holster and see who's talking nonsense? Why don't you? Why don't you both shut up? If you'd do more thinking than talking, you'd be better off.
She was married to a gunfighter, wasn't she? Charlie Ryann.
She's seen fights before, then.
What's she so upset about? You talking about me? About your husband.
You leave Charlie out of this.
He was a better man than you two put together.
I hear tell he had seven notches on his gun.
That's right.
Seven notches.
But he had even a bigger score later on.
He had 12 wreaths at his funeral.
Go ahead.
Pick up your fork.
What's stopping you? Not a thing.
You can't eat a meal while you stare straight ahead.
I can.
Never thought I'd see the day.
A meal should be eaten in peace, not like this.
This won't take long, Maggie.
Del here is going to break soon, you watch.
Soon as he thinks I am off my guard, he'll make his move.
Mighty good ham, Maggie.
Can't you see how silly this is? Look, neither one of you want to draw first.
Well, then don't.
Finish your meal and then ride off in different directions.
Look, Del here's proved he's no coward.
And aside from him calling you yellow, you got no cause to shoot him down.
It was just a silly misunderstanding.
Can't you see that? No, I guess you can't.
I couldn't make Charlie listen.
I don't see how I can make you.
I know what you're thinking of, Maggie.
You think it's about time Ben Morgan got back from town.
That's silly, I wasn't thinking any such thing.
What about Ben? Ben's doing some handy jobs for Maggie.
Went in to town to get some kerosene.
He ought to be back pretty- Go for your gun, and we'll settle it right now! I am still waiting for you.
You know there's a pretty little curl right in the middle of your forehead.
I was thinking it'd be a nice spot to aim at.
Move your hand down to your gun.
Go ahead.
Still trying to prod me into making the first move, now, aren't you, Delaney? Both of you shut up and finish your meal.
It's getting cold.
I have had enough.
Me, too.
All right, Maggie, step back out of the way.
You might get hurt.
At least drink some more coffee.
Step back out of the way, I said.
Get back, Maggie! Del, I got me an idea.
Maggie, what time is it by that old clock? Few minutes till noon.
That is a cuckoo clock.
I've seen it before.
What are you getting at? Just this.
Maybe I was wrong when I thought you were so yellow that you'd draw first.
Maybe you really were waiting for me.
So? So I don't aim to draw first and wind up with a rope around my neck.
Let's begin even.
We'll both stand.
And then we'll agree that neither of us will draw until that cuckoo bird sticks its neck out of that clock.
But when it does, we both hit leather.
No, that's crazy- What do you say, Del? It makes sense.
Nobody draw till the birdie cries.
Finish your meal.
At least take some time to think.
Take off your coat.
I don't want to have an advantage.
Sure, I'll take off my coat.
And then you'll draw.
No, thank you very much.
Suit yourself, laddie.
Get away from that clock.
If you stop it, I'll kill him anyway.
Just one favor, that's all.
The crucifix.
Let me get the crucifix.
It's on the shelf with the clock.
Charlie gave it to me the day we were married.
A wild bullet might hit it.
Wild bullet? His might be wild, not mine.
Please let me get it.
I won't touch the clock.
All right, get it.
But make it fast.
We don't have much time.
Now get out of the way quick! What's taking so long? Maggie.
What time is it? Glory be.
Thank God.
I said what time is it? It's time to fall on your knees, Red Hillman.
Fall down and beg forgiveness.
Look at that clock.
It's stopped.
What's she talking about? I don't know, but I can't hear no more ticking of the clock.
Less than a minute to go and the clock stops.
Red, Del, think of it.
Can't you see? Stand back! You won't shoot, you can't.
The hand of God stopped that clock.
I swear I didn't touch it.
Sort of strange.
You both swore you wouldn't shoot until the bird cried.
It ain't never going to cry.
God stopped it.
It ain't ever going to cry again.
Del.
I'm turning around.
I won't shoot.
You're both men of your word.
And I heard you both swear you wouldn't draw till that clock reached noon.
The Good Lord is going to hold you to that word.
Neither one of you can outdraw Him.
I'll be riding back to town with you, Del.
The meal's on me, boys.
Thanks, Maggie.
I'll see you later.
Maggie, guess who I seen out in front.
Red Hillman and Delaney.
The both of them! So? The talk in town says them two are on the prod.
You figure they're going to fight it out right out in front? I reckon not.
Hey, I told you not to move that! Maggie, the last time I fixed this old clock I told you it wouldn't run unless it was set on the level.
I know.
I know.
Dang it! Leave things be.
Or put it on a shelf that don't tilt.
There.
You get the kerosene, Ben? Put it in the shed.
Then I better start baking your apple pie.
That was disappointing, wasn't it? Still, you will be happy to learn that both Del and Red did die eventually.
That very day, in fact.
Food poisoning.
Maggie's heart was in the right place.
She just wasn't a very good cook.
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