Black-ish (2014) s03e05 Episode Script
The Purge
1 Fathers and sons, in the animal kingdom, the roles have always been pretty clear.
Fathers are the Alpha male Strong, fierce, and in charge.
Sons are the Beta male Cute, cuddly, and easily smacked out of the way.
But we humans are much more evolved than that.
Oh! We're our sons' teachers.
What? Uh [Laughs.]
Our sons' role model.
[Gasps.]
Our sons' hero.
Hey, what's going on, son? But there comes a time in every dad's life when things begin to change.
In the animal world, when the boy starts to man up, there are two choices.
The son can eat the father, or the father can eat the son.
Come on! Uh-huh! Ah, get that out of here, boy! Gonna have to do better than that, son.
You gonna have to better than that at my house.
But when it happens in our world, things aren't that simple.
Come on, what you got? Oh, you coming in the house.
Oh, you coming in the house.
[Groans.]
Ow! Gah! What?! Oh! Oh! Ha! Oh! Oh, oh! Oh! - [Both grunt.]
- It was at this moment I knew I had no other choice but to eat my son.
Foul.
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Yes, YouTube Tuesday.
What we watching? Huh? Dogs dragging their butts on the ground? Oh, even better Your demise as a man.
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Connor: This is trending on Twitter.
The real one, not the black one "Empire" owns.
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, look at that.
- Testes! - Charlie: Oh, this is bad.
You can actually see the moment when Junior loses all respect for his father.
- Yeah - Charlie, I'm right here.
Oh, I'm sorry, Dre.
I didn't recognize you without Junior's testicles in your face.
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Outstanding.
He's humiliated! All right, the boy got lucky and dunked on me once.
All right, not a big deal.
[Knock on door.]
Looking for an Andre Johnson.
Right here.
I have a gift from Andre Jr.
Oh.
You see that? Probably apologizing for posting that video.
"Dear Dad, I know how much you like to eat nuts.
" [Laughter.]
- Bon appétit.
- That kid is special.
Look, my son is not special, all right? He's just going through a phase right now where he's trying to assert himself.
I'm going through the same thing with my son.
Trying to man up on me.
Always asking me for lunch money.
Bugging me for a mattress.
Vaccines, shoes that fit, love.
Love is what he really wants.
Okay, you know what? Halloween is coming up.
And I'm gonna show him who's smarter, stronger, and the most terrifying.
I am the prank king, remember? Come meet your new cousin, Colton.
Aunt Jill says be very careful when you hold him, all right? - [Screaming.]
- [Laughs.]
You thought you killed a baby! Bam! Oh, we kicked the baby! Sulu can't be here.
Where's his line of fire? Think! - [Sighs.]
- [Dre growling.]
[Screams.]
Chair monster! Chair monster! [Dre laughs.]
You know, all I've got to do is get inside Junior's head and terrorize him a little bit.
And bam! I'm back on top.
[Both chuckle.]
Boy, I can't remember the last time I had nuts.
Uh, that is because you are deathly allergic.
That's why this office is nut-free zone.
- Unlike Dre's forehead! - Unlike Dre's forehead! U-Unlike Dre's forehead! Damn it, I was right there.
- Hmm.
- Josh: Sorry.
- Hmm.
- [Doorbell rings.]
Hey.
Oh, my.
Happy almost Halloween! [Laughs.]
Guess who I am.
- I - Bee-yoncé.
- Beyoncé.
- I see.
And are you wearing? Oh, no, no, bronzer.
This is not blackface.
You are the second person to ask me that, though.
- [Chuckles.]
No, it's not blackface.
- Good.
So besides you coming over here and daring me to slap you [Both laugh.]
is there any other reason you stopped by? Yes.
Last Halloween, remember, got a little hectic, you know, with all the others coming into our neighborhood.
So this year, I thought we just lock it down and just host a mischief night.
And what is mischief night? Well, it's a slightly naughty tradition on the night before Halloween, where we encourage teens and tweens to blow off a little steam in a a safe, controlled, and non-urban way.
Ruby: Excellent idea! Wait, what? I just watched a fascinating documentary about this.
The one night a year where all crime is legal, where its citizens can release all the demons - pent up inside them.
- Uh, Ruby.
- Mm.
- That's a movie called "The Purge.
" Great name for it, Rainbow.
Oh, no, it's a What's this neighborhood needs is a good purge.
Cool, I want to purge.
Mm-hmm.
I've dreamed of purging.
Okay, no no purging and no dreaming.
Go back upstairs, and I will call you when dinner's ready.
Janine, just let yourself out.
- Oh, oh.
- Yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
- Yeah, okay.
- Mnh-mnh-mnh.
See, see, all those rules.
Those kids are gonna snap.
See, in my experience, a little release works wonders for the community.
The day after the Watts riots was the most peaceful day of the year because the devil came out and freshly looted Kenmores came in.
Okay.
I I'm just not sure that's right for mischief night.
It's settled then.
- Oh.
- A neighborhood purge! - I'm Ruby, by the way.
- Hi.
Janine.
Uh - Can I touch your hair? - Ooh.
Don't do that.
That night, I got my first taste of a world where Junior wasn't afraid of me anymore, and that was not a world I wanted to live in.
Hey.
You get that package I sent you? Uh-huh.
- It was very amusing.
- Amusing? It was hilarious.
And I say that with no ego.
[Laughs.]
Get a load of this kid.
Rainbow: Babe, can you get the salad bowl? - Sure.
- Thank you.
[Sighs.]
Who put the large bowl all the way up top? Oh, is that high? I can't even tell anymore.
Here you go, little guy.
[Rainbow laughs.]
Like a regular Dane Cook.
Yeah, that's not a compliment, Bow.
We've gone through this, okay? I can't believe you like this new Junior.
- It's cute! - Wow, Mom.
When you smile, you have these adorable folds on the side of your mouth.
Hmm.
Crush him.
Already ahead of you.
Plan is in motion.
Junior.
You know that, uh, that basket you sent was clever.
Yeah.
You know, but some people are allergic to nuts, so you could have really hurt someone.
[Laughs.]
A lot of people are allergic to peanuts.
You could have really hurt someone.
[Laughs.]
- [Organ plays.]
- Charlie Telphy.
Beloved father, middling employee Killed by nuts.
[Woman crying.]
Can't believe this is happening.
Oh, son.
It's not your fault.
Well, yes, it is.
- What? - This is insane.
Look, you don't get it.
This is between father and son, okay? Junior is testing me, and I must eat him.
So mind your business because this is my Sixteen Chapel.
Did you just say "Sixteen Chapel"? Bow, a man has died.
Can I just say I love what you're doing here? Oh, thank you, Zoey.
How much are we paying for all this? Nothing.
Josh he volunteered to pay for the whole thing.
[Gasps.]
I never told Josh this isn't real.
- Oh, my God.
- [Sobbing, sniffling.]
Why do you always take the good ones? Why are you smiling? You know Charlie's not really dead, right? Yeah.
But one day Stevens: At this point, we'd like to invite anyone - to come forward and pay their respects.
- One day.
Hey, man, how you doing? A little emotional.
A lot of people came out to say goodbye to me.
I don't see my parents, though.
But in all fairness, I didn't go to theirs neither.
Ooh, look at that big-booty girl over there crying.
Where? Now would be my chance if I wasn't dead.
[Chuckles.]
I'm not dead, right? Ch Shh, shh.
Here come Junior.
Hold your breath.
Hold your breath.
I don't feel so good.
You know, that's exactly what Charlie said before he closed his eyes forever.
Gonna miss you, Charlie.
Let's let him rest in peace, son.
You killed me.
[Eerie music plays.]
- You didn't hear? - Hear what? Son, it's okay.
Let's go.
- Oh.
- Hi, guys.
Mischief night starts in five minutes.
I wanted to make sure you got your reflectors, your time-out whistles.
Hard pass, Janine.
Yeah, if they end up at the top of a clock tower, don't call me.
I will not call you.
Attention, neighbors! The purge has officially begun! - What? - For the next 12 hours, all crime is legal.
No, I don't I don't mean to quibble.
Not crime.
It's just some mischief.
Your neighborhood thanks you for you participation.
This is crazy! [ Growling.]
- Wait.
- Zoey, do you see that? Dude, there's nothing there.
I think you're starting to lose it.
Ice cold.
Well-played.
Please let me do more.
I love hurting him.
I'm going in.
Hey, son.
Uh, why aren't you outside purging? Wasn't really feeling up for it.
Oh, yeah.
I guess it would be kind of hard trying to have some fun out there when you know that Charlie will never have fun again.
Eustace, either.
You know, since you took his father away from him.
Ah, it's okay, son.
Try to get you some sleep, little guy.
Sleep tight.
- [Laughs.]
We got him.
- Epic.
I haven't seen someone that scared since that Asian lady dropped what I thought was her gun.
Lady, stop.
Don't run.
I don't want to follow you all the way home, but I will.
Stop.
Stop, girl.
Turns out it was my gun.
Well, your gun game is shaky, but your ghost game is on point.
- [Both laugh.]
- Thanks.
- But just to be clear - Mm-hmm.
I'm not really dead, right? Uh no, Charlie.
- You're good.
- [Chuckles.]
Just double-checking.
[Sighs.]
I'm having a blast.
Not confused at all.
So glad I agreed to do this.
- Junior: Hey, Dad? I was - [Grunts.]
Hey, son, how are you? Uh, I think Charlie's ghost is haunting me.
Hey, hey, little man.
There's no such thing as ghosts, okay? It's it's probably just your guilty conscience.
- [Exhales sharply.]
- But you'll get over it.
- Thanks, Dad.
- Or not.
Hey, sweet dreams - killer.
- [Exhales sharply.]
How long I got to keep doing this? Until the next part of my plan, where I capture his humiliation on video.
That way, it's forever.
Just like death.
Which hasn't yet come for me, just confirming.
Huh? Not yet.
Not yet or never? Hey, guys.
I was thinking we could have our own mischief night and have breakfast for dinner.
Wha What? "Dear Mom, we're sleeping under our beds.
Don't check.
Do not go looking for us in the purge.
" Damn it.
[Rock music plays.]
Okay.
I'm a little scared.
Don't be.
I was born for this.
We're approaching my destiny.
Yes, yes, citizens! Good work! [Laughs.]
Now I want you to dig deeper.
Has your neighbor been parking on our your driveway? Does you husband spend too much time watching the neighbor lady swim? Okay, Ruby, that's a little bit more than I I bargained for.
Is there any way you can help me shut this down? Absolutely.
Okay.
Uh-huh.
Aah! That's my mailbox! Did your neighbor ask to touch your hair? Yeah! Tonight, we settle all scores! [Bat clatters.]
[Laughs.]
Now take your pound of flesh! - [Laughs.]
- [Cheers and applause.]
All right.
Come on, you got this.
This harness will hold me, right? Of course, probably.
Oh, hey, Zoey.
Hey.
Make sure you capture your brother's humiliated face, all right? Got it.
Again, love hurting him.
- You know, you're a great dad.
- All right.
[Gasps.]
I forgot to pick up Eustace from soccer practice.
[Animal howls.]
[Laughter in distance.]
Dad? You know, I'm sure he's gonna be all right, Charlie.
Come on, let's get you into position.
Come on, hurry up, man.
Don't be nervous, I got this.
Come on.
[Heavy-metal music playing.]
Oh, I'm-a go steal those roses to bring to my teacher tomorrow.
[Chuckles.]
Cool.
I'm gonna make those people homeless.
Hey! You stop that right now! This purge is over for you two! We are going home now! [Gasps.]
Oh! Okay.
All right.
Okay.
You have paintball guns.
Well, we have a home to get to.
We are taking a little purge time-out, okay? No, no.
Hey! We have opted out of the purge! I demand safe passage! Ohh! [Distorted.]
This is cashmere! Oh.
You listen here, you little [bleep.]
I am gonna [bleep.]
slap you so hard that your [bleep.]
are gonna be bleeding out of your [bleep.]
Give me this! Get out of here! Good lord, Mommy! Doesn't it feel good to purge? It's like your skin is dancing.
Okay, I am worried about you.
Let's go.
Let's go home.
- You stay close to me.
- Can I have the gun? No, you can't have the gun.
- Can I have the Molotov? - No! Come on, son.
You can't keep hiding like this, all right? You need to be around people Living people.
All right? Let's watch a movie.
What about "Ghost Dad"? [Screams.]
[Groans.]
[Laughs.]
We got you, and we got it all on video! - [Groans.]
- And it's posted.
We got you, sucker! Wait, this was all a prank? Yep, and I'm not really dead.
Right? The prank king has put you back in your place, little guy.
Now, come on.
Get up and show me some love.
Ow.
I can't.
Come on, boy, quit playing.
Get up, show me some love.
Ow! Stop.
My leg really hurts.
Ow.
What's happening? What why are you kicking him? He, uh he fell down the stairs.
That doesn't answer my question.
- Oh, it hurts so bad.
- Oh, my God.
Don't move, sweetheart.
Don't move, don't move, don't move.
Let me just see.
Ah! Oh, God.
Okay, you know what? I think your leg might be broken, sweetheart.
[Sighs.]
[Scoffs.]
Sure.
Bow, his leg might be broken.
[Groans.]
His leg is definitely broken.
- [Radio chatter.]
- What? Sweetheart, we'll be right behind you, okay? Come on, guys.
Hey, before you Can someone Someone close the door, please.
Yeah, I got you.
They can't hear me because I'm dead.
[Door closes.]
Ugh, I knew it.
Dre didn't know what he was talking about.
As you can see, he suffered a hairline fracture to his left ankle and a spiral fracture to his right fibula and tibia.
Sorry.
That's, uh That's definitely from the stairs, huh? - What? - Not, uh, not pre-existing condition? I mean, it could be from when you kicked me.
I didn't I didn't Mr.
Johnson, can I speak with you outside? Uh, can't we talk right here? Legally, I need to isolate you from the victim.
Uh The vi I'm going to jail.
- You should.
You're a bad person.
- I I just need to get some of the particulars of the incident.
I'll get your son's version next.
Oh, you ain't gonna need to talk to him.
He's just gonna be doubling up on what you're about to hear.
Which is? Okay.
It started with a salad bowl on the high shelf.
They were literally in my face.
Resting on my forehead.
So I told him he killed a man.
Eustace never got picked up from soccer.
Did I want him to fail? Yes! Daddy trouts eat their sons.
A lot of people say "Sixteen Chapel.
" And I was only kicking him because I thought he was lying.
Well, Mr.
Johnson, it's clear you're not an abusive father.
- Mm.
- You're just a short, petty man.
Yes! Your son still has two broken legs, you know.
Yes.
Jack, I was going to drink this orange juice, but would you care for it? Only if you take half my bagel The bigger half.
Aww, thank you, brother.
I haven't asked you in a while, but how are you? You know, balls and strikes.
- Mm-hmm.
- Are you seeing this? The kids are being not themselves.
It's crazy.
It's like your purge made them better people.
I hate to say this.
[Chuckles.]
I think you were right.
- The hell I was.
- What? Turns out they don't have purge insurance.
You mess with my mailbox? Huh? It's Mommy's turn to play! - What? - [Laughs.]
No, no, no! Not my Benz! Mischief night! I'm gonna kill you.
Why didn't you stop me, Rainbow? You knew this wasn't a good idea.
Such a doormat.
Well, I told you a bunch of times this was crazy.
I said, "This is crazy.
" [Sighs.]
Dre: Hey, buddy.
I know you been out here a while.
You don't want to come inside and put on your costume? I tried.
And I got it over one cast, but I couldn't get it over the other cast.
Son, I I just want to say again that I'm sorry.
Are you, Dad? The doctor said my growth plates are gonna fuse all wrong.
But you're probably happy because you'll be the only one able to reach all the bowls.
- That's not what I want.
- Yes, it is.
If you had it your way, I'd never grow up.
I'd just be your punching bag for the rest of my life.
No, son.
I love you.
No, you don't.
You're always trying to keep me down.
Just because I can do this! Ah! Oh, WorldStar! Rainbow: Yes! Special delivery of nuts to your face! Boom shacka-lacka! Mom, this is supposed to be embarrassing for Dad.
- Oh, got it.
- What is happening right now? You've been pranked.
I faked the whole thing Like a genius.
[Cheering.]
But how? Junior: I figured out Charlie wasn't really a ghost when I caught him eating a Luna bar.
It was hard figuring out how to fall down the stairs.
You can learn anything on the Internet.
Then came Mom's part.
So, I need three EMTs.
- Make one of them a woman.
- Uh-huh.
I called in favors at work.
I misused hospital resources.
I had to pay people overtime.
Junior: Mom, this is kind of my moment.
Rainbow: Okay, okay, sorry.
[Laughing.]
He's gonna feel like an idiot! He should, though.
Boy, you made me wash you.
[Laughs.]
You got me, son.
[Laughs.]
I'm so proud of you, man.
You really got me.
I think the prank prince has become the prank king.
Oh, let's slow your roll.
Oh.
Let's not get crazy.
Come on, let's go get changed.
That did not go in.
So it turns out when your son starts to surpass you, you don't have to fight it or lash out.
There is one other option.
You can embrace it, enjoy it, and use it to your advantage.
Next year, we're gonna totally get your mother, right? Way ahead of you.
A plan is already in motion.
Fathers are the Alpha male Strong, fierce, and in charge.
Sons are the Beta male Cute, cuddly, and easily smacked out of the way.
But we humans are much more evolved than that.
Oh! We're our sons' teachers.
What? Uh [Laughs.]
Our sons' role model.
[Gasps.]
Our sons' hero.
Hey, what's going on, son? But there comes a time in every dad's life when things begin to change.
In the animal world, when the boy starts to man up, there are two choices.
The son can eat the father, or the father can eat the son.
Come on! Uh-huh! Ah, get that out of here, boy! Gonna have to do better than that, son.
You gonna have to better than that at my house.
But when it happens in our world, things aren't that simple.
Come on, what you got? Oh, you coming in the house.
Oh, you coming in the house.
[Groans.]
Ow! Gah! What?! Oh! Oh! Ha! Oh! Oh, oh! Oh! - [Both grunt.]
- It was at this moment I knew I had no other choice but to eat my son.
Foul.
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Yes, YouTube Tuesday.
What we watching? Huh? Dogs dragging their butts on the ground? Oh, even better Your demise as a man.
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Connor: This is trending on Twitter.
The real one, not the black one "Empire" owns.
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, look at that.
- Testes! - Charlie: Oh, this is bad.
You can actually see the moment when Junior loses all respect for his father.
- Yeah - Charlie, I'm right here.
Oh, I'm sorry, Dre.
I didn't recognize you without Junior's testicles in your face.
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Outstanding.
He's humiliated! All right, the boy got lucky and dunked on me once.
All right, not a big deal.
[Knock on door.]
Looking for an Andre Johnson.
Right here.
I have a gift from Andre Jr.
Oh.
You see that? Probably apologizing for posting that video.
"Dear Dad, I know how much you like to eat nuts.
" [Laughter.]
- Bon appétit.
- That kid is special.
Look, my son is not special, all right? He's just going through a phase right now where he's trying to assert himself.
I'm going through the same thing with my son.
Trying to man up on me.
Always asking me for lunch money.
Bugging me for a mattress.
Vaccines, shoes that fit, love.
Love is what he really wants.
Okay, you know what? Halloween is coming up.
And I'm gonna show him who's smarter, stronger, and the most terrifying.
I am the prank king, remember? Come meet your new cousin, Colton.
Aunt Jill says be very careful when you hold him, all right? - [Screaming.]
- [Laughs.]
You thought you killed a baby! Bam! Oh, we kicked the baby! Sulu can't be here.
Where's his line of fire? Think! - [Sighs.]
- [Dre growling.]
[Screams.]
Chair monster! Chair monster! [Dre laughs.]
You know, all I've got to do is get inside Junior's head and terrorize him a little bit.
And bam! I'm back on top.
[Both chuckle.]
Boy, I can't remember the last time I had nuts.
Uh, that is because you are deathly allergic.
That's why this office is nut-free zone.
- Unlike Dre's forehead! - Unlike Dre's forehead! U-Unlike Dre's forehead! Damn it, I was right there.
- Hmm.
- Josh: Sorry.
- Hmm.
- [Doorbell rings.]
Hey.
Oh, my.
Happy almost Halloween! [Laughs.]
Guess who I am.
- I - Bee-yoncé.
- Beyoncé.
- I see.
And are you wearing? Oh, no, no, bronzer.
This is not blackface.
You are the second person to ask me that, though.
- [Chuckles.]
No, it's not blackface.
- Good.
So besides you coming over here and daring me to slap you [Both laugh.]
is there any other reason you stopped by? Yes.
Last Halloween, remember, got a little hectic, you know, with all the others coming into our neighborhood.
So this year, I thought we just lock it down and just host a mischief night.
And what is mischief night? Well, it's a slightly naughty tradition on the night before Halloween, where we encourage teens and tweens to blow off a little steam in a a safe, controlled, and non-urban way.
Ruby: Excellent idea! Wait, what? I just watched a fascinating documentary about this.
The one night a year where all crime is legal, where its citizens can release all the demons - pent up inside them.
- Uh, Ruby.
- Mm.
- That's a movie called "The Purge.
" Great name for it, Rainbow.
Oh, no, it's a What's this neighborhood needs is a good purge.
Cool, I want to purge.
Mm-hmm.
I've dreamed of purging.
Okay, no no purging and no dreaming.
Go back upstairs, and I will call you when dinner's ready.
Janine, just let yourself out.
- Oh, oh.
- Yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
- Yeah, okay.
- Mnh-mnh-mnh.
See, see, all those rules.
Those kids are gonna snap.
See, in my experience, a little release works wonders for the community.
The day after the Watts riots was the most peaceful day of the year because the devil came out and freshly looted Kenmores came in.
Okay.
I I'm just not sure that's right for mischief night.
It's settled then.
- Oh.
- A neighborhood purge! - I'm Ruby, by the way.
- Hi.
Janine.
Uh - Can I touch your hair? - Ooh.
Don't do that.
That night, I got my first taste of a world where Junior wasn't afraid of me anymore, and that was not a world I wanted to live in.
Hey.
You get that package I sent you? Uh-huh.
- It was very amusing.
- Amusing? It was hilarious.
And I say that with no ego.
[Laughs.]
Get a load of this kid.
Rainbow: Babe, can you get the salad bowl? - Sure.
- Thank you.
[Sighs.]
Who put the large bowl all the way up top? Oh, is that high? I can't even tell anymore.
Here you go, little guy.
[Rainbow laughs.]
Like a regular Dane Cook.
Yeah, that's not a compliment, Bow.
We've gone through this, okay? I can't believe you like this new Junior.
- It's cute! - Wow, Mom.
When you smile, you have these adorable folds on the side of your mouth.
Hmm.
Crush him.
Already ahead of you.
Plan is in motion.
Junior.
You know that, uh, that basket you sent was clever.
Yeah.
You know, but some people are allergic to nuts, so you could have really hurt someone.
[Laughs.]
A lot of people are allergic to peanuts.
You could have really hurt someone.
[Laughs.]
- [Organ plays.]
- Charlie Telphy.
Beloved father, middling employee Killed by nuts.
[Woman crying.]
Can't believe this is happening.
Oh, son.
It's not your fault.
Well, yes, it is.
- What? - This is insane.
Look, you don't get it.
This is between father and son, okay? Junior is testing me, and I must eat him.
So mind your business because this is my Sixteen Chapel.
Did you just say "Sixteen Chapel"? Bow, a man has died.
Can I just say I love what you're doing here? Oh, thank you, Zoey.
How much are we paying for all this? Nothing.
Josh he volunteered to pay for the whole thing.
[Gasps.]
I never told Josh this isn't real.
- Oh, my God.
- [Sobbing, sniffling.]
Why do you always take the good ones? Why are you smiling? You know Charlie's not really dead, right? Yeah.
But one day Stevens: At this point, we'd like to invite anyone - to come forward and pay their respects.
- One day.
Hey, man, how you doing? A little emotional.
A lot of people came out to say goodbye to me.
I don't see my parents, though.
But in all fairness, I didn't go to theirs neither.
Ooh, look at that big-booty girl over there crying.
Where? Now would be my chance if I wasn't dead.
[Chuckles.]
I'm not dead, right? Ch Shh, shh.
Here come Junior.
Hold your breath.
Hold your breath.
I don't feel so good.
You know, that's exactly what Charlie said before he closed his eyes forever.
Gonna miss you, Charlie.
Let's let him rest in peace, son.
You killed me.
[Eerie music plays.]
- You didn't hear? - Hear what? Son, it's okay.
Let's go.
- Oh.
- Hi, guys.
Mischief night starts in five minutes.
I wanted to make sure you got your reflectors, your time-out whistles.
Hard pass, Janine.
Yeah, if they end up at the top of a clock tower, don't call me.
I will not call you.
Attention, neighbors! The purge has officially begun! - What? - For the next 12 hours, all crime is legal.
No, I don't I don't mean to quibble.
Not crime.
It's just some mischief.
Your neighborhood thanks you for you participation.
This is crazy! [ Growling.]
- Wait.
- Zoey, do you see that? Dude, there's nothing there.
I think you're starting to lose it.
Ice cold.
Well-played.
Please let me do more.
I love hurting him.
I'm going in.
Hey, son.
Uh, why aren't you outside purging? Wasn't really feeling up for it.
Oh, yeah.
I guess it would be kind of hard trying to have some fun out there when you know that Charlie will never have fun again.
Eustace, either.
You know, since you took his father away from him.
Ah, it's okay, son.
Try to get you some sleep, little guy.
Sleep tight.
- [Laughs.]
We got him.
- Epic.
I haven't seen someone that scared since that Asian lady dropped what I thought was her gun.
Lady, stop.
Don't run.
I don't want to follow you all the way home, but I will.
Stop.
Stop, girl.
Turns out it was my gun.
Well, your gun game is shaky, but your ghost game is on point.
- [Both laugh.]
- Thanks.
- But just to be clear - Mm-hmm.
I'm not really dead, right? Uh no, Charlie.
- You're good.
- [Chuckles.]
Just double-checking.
[Sighs.]
I'm having a blast.
Not confused at all.
So glad I agreed to do this.
- Junior: Hey, Dad? I was - [Grunts.]
Hey, son, how are you? Uh, I think Charlie's ghost is haunting me.
Hey, hey, little man.
There's no such thing as ghosts, okay? It's it's probably just your guilty conscience.
- [Exhales sharply.]
- But you'll get over it.
- Thanks, Dad.
- Or not.
Hey, sweet dreams - killer.
- [Exhales sharply.]
How long I got to keep doing this? Until the next part of my plan, where I capture his humiliation on video.
That way, it's forever.
Just like death.
Which hasn't yet come for me, just confirming.
Huh? Not yet.
Not yet or never? Hey, guys.
I was thinking we could have our own mischief night and have breakfast for dinner.
Wha What? "Dear Mom, we're sleeping under our beds.
Don't check.
Do not go looking for us in the purge.
" Damn it.
[Rock music plays.]
Okay.
I'm a little scared.
Don't be.
I was born for this.
We're approaching my destiny.
Yes, yes, citizens! Good work! [Laughs.]
Now I want you to dig deeper.
Has your neighbor been parking on our your driveway? Does you husband spend too much time watching the neighbor lady swim? Okay, Ruby, that's a little bit more than I I bargained for.
Is there any way you can help me shut this down? Absolutely.
Okay.
Uh-huh.
Aah! That's my mailbox! Did your neighbor ask to touch your hair? Yeah! Tonight, we settle all scores! [Bat clatters.]
[Laughs.]
Now take your pound of flesh! - [Laughs.]
- [Cheers and applause.]
All right.
Come on, you got this.
This harness will hold me, right? Of course, probably.
Oh, hey, Zoey.
Hey.
Make sure you capture your brother's humiliated face, all right? Got it.
Again, love hurting him.
- You know, you're a great dad.
- All right.
[Gasps.]
I forgot to pick up Eustace from soccer practice.
[Animal howls.]
[Laughter in distance.]
Dad? You know, I'm sure he's gonna be all right, Charlie.
Come on, let's get you into position.
Come on, hurry up, man.
Don't be nervous, I got this.
Come on.
[Heavy-metal music playing.]
Oh, I'm-a go steal those roses to bring to my teacher tomorrow.
[Chuckles.]
Cool.
I'm gonna make those people homeless.
Hey! You stop that right now! This purge is over for you two! We are going home now! [Gasps.]
Oh! Okay.
All right.
Okay.
You have paintball guns.
Well, we have a home to get to.
We are taking a little purge time-out, okay? No, no.
Hey! We have opted out of the purge! I demand safe passage! Ohh! [Distorted.]
This is cashmere! Oh.
You listen here, you little [bleep.]
I am gonna [bleep.]
slap you so hard that your [bleep.]
are gonna be bleeding out of your [bleep.]
Give me this! Get out of here! Good lord, Mommy! Doesn't it feel good to purge? It's like your skin is dancing.
Okay, I am worried about you.
Let's go.
Let's go home.
- You stay close to me.
- Can I have the gun? No, you can't have the gun.
- Can I have the Molotov? - No! Come on, son.
You can't keep hiding like this, all right? You need to be around people Living people.
All right? Let's watch a movie.
What about "Ghost Dad"? [Screams.]
[Groans.]
[Laughs.]
We got you, and we got it all on video! - [Groans.]
- And it's posted.
We got you, sucker! Wait, this was all a prank? Yep, and I'm not really dead.
Right? The prank king has put you back in your place, little guy.
Now, come on.
Get up and show me some love.
Ow.
I can't.
Come on, boy, quit playing.
Get up, show me some love.
Ow! Stop.
My leg really hurts.
Ow.
What's happening? What why are you kicking him? He, uh he fell down the stairs.
That doesn't answer my question.
- Oh, it hurts so bad.
- Oh, my God.
Don't move, sweetheart.
Don't move, don't move, don't move.
Let me just see.
Ah! Oh, God.
Okay, you know what? I think your leg might be broken, sweetheart.
[Sighs.]
[Scoffs.]
Sure.
Bow, his leg might be broken.
[Groans.]
His leg is definitely broken.
- [Radio chatter.]
- What? Sweetheart, we'll be right behind you, okay? Come on, guys.
Hey, before you Can someone Someone close the door, please.
Yeah, I got you.
They can't hear me because I'm dead.
[Door closes.]
Ugh, I knew it.
Dre didn't know what he was talking about.
As you can see, he suffered a hairline fracture to his left ankle and a spiral fracture to his right fibula and tibia.
Sorry.
That's, uh That's definitely from the stairs, huh? - What? - Not, uh, not pre-existing condition? I mean, it could be from when you kicked me.
I didn't I didn't Mr.
Johnson, can I speak with you outside? Uh, can't we talk right here? Legally, I need to isolate you from the victim.
Uh The vi I'm going to jail.
- You should.
You're a bad person.
- I I just need to get some of the particulars of the incident.
I'll get your son's version next.
Oh, you ain't gonna need to talk to him.
He's just gonna be doubling up on what you're about to hear.
Which is? Okay.
It started with a salad bowl on the high shelf.
They were literally in my face.
Resting on my forehead.
So I told him he killed a man.
Eustace never got picked up from soccer.
Did I want him to fail? Yes! Daddy trouts eat their sons.
A lot of people say "Sixteen Chapel.
" And I was only kicking him because I thought he was lying.
Well, Mr.
Johnson, it's clear you're not an abusive father.
- Mm.
- You're just a short, petty man.
Yes! Your son still has two broken legs, you know.
Yes.
Jack, I was going to drink this orange juice, but would you care for it? Only if you take half my bagel The bigger half.
Aww, thank you, brother.
I haven't asked you in a while, but how are you? You know, balls and strikes.
- Mm-hmm.
- Are you seeing this? The kids are being not themselves.
It's crazy.
It's like your purge made them better people.
I hate to say this.
[Chuckles.]
I think you were right.
- The hell I was.
- What? Turns out they don't have purge insurance.
You mess with my mailbox? Huh? It's Mommy's turn to play! - What? - [Laughs.]
No, no, no! Not my Benz! Mischief night! I'm gonna kill you.
Why didn't you stop me, Rainbow? You knew this wasn't a good idea.
Such a doormat.
Well, I told you a bunch of times this was crazy.
I said, "This is crazy.
" [Sighs.]
Dre: Hey, buddy.
I know you been out here a while.
You don't want to come inside and put on your costume? I tried.
And I got it over one cast, but I couldn't get it over the other cast.
Son, I I just want to say again that I'm sorry.
Are you, Dad? The doctor said my growth plates are gonna fuse all wrong.
But you're probably happy because you'll be the only one able to reach all the bowls.
- That's not what I want.
- Yes, it is.
If you had it your way, I'd never grow up.
I'd just be your punching bag for the rest of my life.
No, son.
I love you.
No, you don't.
You're always trying to keep me down.
Just because I can do this! Ah! Oh, WorldStar! Rainbow: Yes! Special delivery of nuts to your face! Boom shacka-lacka! Mom, this is supposed to be embarrassing for Dad.
- Oh, got it.
- What is happening right now? You've been pranked.
I faked the whole thing Like a genius.
[Cheering.]
But how? Junior: I figured out Charlie wasn't really a ghost when I caught him eating a Luna bar.
It was hard figuring out how to fall down the stairs.
You can learn anything on the Internet.
Then came Mom's part.
So, I need three EMTs.
- Make one of them a woman.
- Uh-huh.
I called in favors at work.
I misused hospital resources.
I had to pay people overtime.
Junior: Mom, this is kind of my moment.
Rainbow: Okay, okay, sorry.
[Laughing.]
He's gonna feel like an idiot! He should, though.
Boy, you made me wash you.
[Laughs.]
You got me, son.
[Laughs.]
I'm so proud of you, man.
You really got me.
I think the prank prince has become the prank king.
Oh, let's slow your roll.
Oh.
Let's not get crazy.
Come on, let's go get changed.
That did not go in.
So it turns out when your son starts to surpass you, you don't have to fight it or lash out.
There is one other option.
You can embrace it, enjoy it, and use it to your advantage.
Next year, we're gonna totally get your mother, right? Way ahead of you.
A plan is already in motion.