Black-ish (2014) s07e06 Episode Script

1 DRE: Black families have been fighting to stay together since the moment we landed on these shores.
I'm luckier than most because I'm surrounded by my family.
Three generations spread over five bedrooms and a guest house.
And now something is happening that I never thought possible.
My parents are getting remarried.
And they're about to have the pandemic wedding of their dreams.
POPS: Boy, move your big head! You're blocking your mama.
How am I supposed to see my beautiful, blushing bride with your big head in the way? Where's the broom, Dre? I told you I want to jump the broom this time.
Ruby, are you sure you should be jumping over things at this age? - Oh, baby.
- I'm just saying.
- Here you go, Mama.
- We have your safety - Oh, baby.
- Hmm? How about you get me a broom Diahann Carroll would have jumped on "Dynasty"? [Pops laughs.]
We gon' make sure that we do all the traditions - we missed the first time.
- Uh-huh.
Including keeping our vows.
That's right.
We gonna do a money dance, and I'm gonna stomp on the glass and get carried around on a chair, like a Jewess.
- Mm-hmm.
- Like a what? And then I'm gonna get everybody to throw rice at us.
Actually, they're using bird seed now because, uh, the birds' stomachs explode with rice.
You think they're gonna explode at the wedding? Well, I mean, probably not.
Well, how about we not [Bleep.]
with tradition? Make it long grain.
[Laughs.]
Anything my baby wants! Spare no expense, son.
Like everything else, this wedding was going to look different than it would have in the past.
Maybe we won't blow it out quite the same way, but that's okay, because Pops and my mama will have the most important people standing there with them - Hey - their family.
What's happening, Baby Dre? [Laughs.]
Norman! What you doing here? What kind of man would I be if I missed my baby brother's wedding? Someone who listens to CDC recommendations about traveling during a pandemic.
Oh, man, please.
You know I don't listen to the government.
But I did get a negative Covid test.
Well, if that's the case come on in, brother.
- You weren't invited.
- But I'm here.
I'll have the chicken breast.
You heard the man.
Put him down for the chicken breast.
- Chicken breast.
- Yeah! He's family! - [Laughs.]
- All right, baby.
- Good to see you, Norm! - Oh, baby.
Oh, my goodness.
Pops may have been fine with his brother showing up out of the blue, but I was still having some trouble wrapping my head around it.
Oh.
Dre, you okay? You got that mid-'90s "distracted O.
J.
" face.
No.
My uncle Norman showed up to the wedding that he wasn't invited to.
Ohhh.
So you guys have invitations, huh? I thought you just posted a neon flyer to a lightpole - telling people where the party was at.
- What? I'd be happy if anybody in my family surprised me with a visit or a phone call or You know what? Maybe just an e-mail letting me know my Grammie had passed.
Okay, look, I don't need an old man I barely know showing up to my house treating it like a hotel.
Just because I put out fresh linens doesn't mean he gets to take advantage.
I don't understand, Dre.
I-I thought Black people were the ones who claimed everybody as their relatives.
You know, w-with your aunties and your your play cousins and whatnot.
First off, you haven't earned the right to use the term "play cousins.
" - My bad.
- And secondly, that's my problem.
My family is so big that I don't need to pick up strays.
Plus, Pops' side of the family is huge.
I start opening up to anyone named Johnson, pretty soon, I'll have Dwayne The Rock staying at my guest house.
[Chuckles.]
We are so on the same page.
None of my family's welcome in my house, extended or otherwise.
Okay, I'm not saying never.
That's what happens when you're rich.
We all hate each other, and everyone is trying to cut each other out of the inheritance.
You should've smothered your sister when you had the chance, Daddy.
I know, pumpkin.
I just I-I didn't have the arm strength when I was in nursery school.
Okay, I'm not smothering my uncle, all right? I just need to put my foot down.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Dre.
Trust me death by stomping is a lot of clean-up.
- What? - Yeah, he's an expert.
- Mm-hmm.
- I'd listen to him, Dre.
Okay, why would I ask you to make me a kente cloth wedding dress without angel wings sewn on the back?! - Right! - Exactly.
You trying to make me look like a fool, Dionne? Mm-hmm.
She is.
Don't let her play you, Grandma! RAINBOW: What are you doing? You know you're not supposed to rile up your grandmother.
- Stop.
- But it's so easy.
I don't think Dionne made those looks in "Black Is King," like she said she did.
This is the last thing I need.
I have to drop off a check at the photographer, pick up the programs from the printer.
I need to call the bakery to confirm the cake for the wedding and the erotic cake for the honeymoon.
Ruby, why don't you let me take some of this stuff off your plate? - You listen to me, Rainbow.
- I'm listening.
Earl put himself back on the grid so we could spend the rest of our lives together.
So I'm gonna give that man a wedding day that is as perfect as his bride.
- Mm.
- So I need to control this the way I need to control it, all right? - Do you, boo.
- And and you just be grateful that you're my baby's plus-one.
Wha Okay.
You can't be a plus-one if you're hosting! I'm hosting the wedding.
I still had no desire to have Uncle Wedding Crasher on my couch, but I decided I could deal with one guest for Pops.
- Hey, babe.
- Hey, sweetie.
- Hey, son, great news.
- Hey.
Norman talked to Loretta and some of the other cousins, and it looks like they're all coming out for the wedding, too.
- Cousins? - Mm-hmm.
How many of the cousins? Well, you never know, but it's gonna be a party.
- [Chuckles.]
Bow? - Yeah? Can I, uh can I talk to you upstairs for a second, babe? - More people? - Ohh.
What are we doing, turning our house into Harpo's juke joint? Okay.
Dre, I know you're worried about the virus, but we can have the wedding outside.
We can put up screens, and everyone can sit at a comfortable distance, and it'll be like a megachurch overflow.
Okay, I'm not worried about the virus.
First, it was Norman, then it was cousins I don't know.
When does it end? We only have enough glasses for nine.
Dre, you can be the bigger man and handle a very small imposition for a couple of days! Just a couple days! You're right.
It is his wedding.
- Yeah.
- It's a big house.
I probably won't even know they're here.
Exactly.
- [Toilet flushes.]
- What's that? - What is that? - What - [Gasps.]
- [Sighs.]
[Gasps.]
Uh, y-you're out of soap.
Oh, hell no! You gotta get out of my house.
Oh, come on, Dre.
A toilet's a toilet, man.
What you doing, son? He's got to go, Pops.
Earl, talk some sense to your son.
And tell Loretta and them to turn they asses around, 'cause they not welcome here, either.
Y-you know what? I'm just gonna wait out here until you figure this out.
Do that.
What? I knew I was right to kick my uncle out of the house.
I gave him an inch, and he took a mile Of my toilet paper.
What the hell's wrong with you, Dre? Disrespecting your uncle over a damn toilet? I use that bathroom all the time! - What? - It's the nicest one in the house.
You got all them lotions and hand creams up in there.
Listen, Dre, maybe Uncle Norman did make himself too comfortable, but I can't just let you kick him out.
Let me? Man, are you forgetting who keeps you in those stolen lotions and hand creams? Look I didn't think any of my family was coming to this wedding, and now that they're here, I see how much it means.
They're the keepers of the family stories, son.
They connect me to my parents, my grandparents, hell, even my own story Who I was when I was growing up, who I've become.
Andre, I know they all feel like strangers to you.
Hell, half of them are strangers to me.
But I'm trying to make a fresh start with your mother.
The least you could do is let me have some of my people here with me.
Please.
Fine.
But they got to stay at a hotel.
Okay.
NORMAN: Yes! I'm glad you got this settled.
Now can you let me in? There's a neighbor that's clearly calling the cops.
So, the family all came to L.
A.
, and they all came to the rehearsal dinner.
[Indistinct conversations, laughter.]
Hey, hey, Unc.
There you go.
Ooh, look at this giant square ice cube.
Earl, you come a long way.
[Both laugh.]
You remember when Grandma had that party and she sent us to buy a block of ice from the ice man, and we had to carry it back two miles? It was so hot out there, by the time we got it home, Grandma was the only one to get an ice cube.
[Both laugh.]
Uncle Earl, you know who this one looks like, right? - Who? - NORMAN: Yeah, you're right, John John.
- Right? - Loretta, you got the family albums? - Now, you know I do.
- You brought Mama's albums? - Look at this.
- Yeah, there he is right there.
Look at him.
Hell, Pops, who is that? That's my father's brother, Dre.
That's Ironhead Johnson.
Ah.
Ironhead, huh? He must have been one hell of a boxer.
No.
It's one of those ironic nicknames.
He was known all over Tennessee for his weak chin.
- [Laughs.]
- Ah.
Matter of fact, one time, he broke his jaw putting on a turtleneck.
[Laughter.]
Hearing these stories and getting a taste of our history, I was starting to come around to Pops' way of seeing things.
Plus, it was making everybody so happy to see my mom and Pops so happy.
Your grandparents are just so cute.
I'm still shocked that they can be in the same room together with sharp objects.
You know, when they met, they weren't much older than us.
It's good to see love last.
I hope that's me someday.
Me too.
[Chuckles.]
Oh, look.
Old folks trying to take selfies.
I'mma go help.
They don't need any more pictures of the sky.
Get in there.
Yeah.
Grandma, turn the phone around.
Was that your girlfriend you were just with? Mm-hmm.
You two make such a beautiful couple.
Thank you, Auntie.
You know, the secret is minimal sun exposure and nightly skincare routines, yeah.
Looks like we'll be coming back for another wedding soon.
No.
[Chuckling.]
No.
Come on.
- See? - Hey! Oh! Junior Lockhart-Johnson Jr.
As Junior was seeing Olivia in a new light, I was seeing my family in a new light, too.
I just wanted to let you know everybody's talking about how you sprang for those fancy porta-potties.
- [Both laugh.]
- Yeah.
You know how much I like a nice bathroom.
Yeah, unfortunately, I do, Unc.
Mm.
Yeah.
- You been doing well for yourself, huh? - I'm trying.
Well, you know, my boy Ryon just graduated from college with a marketing degree.
- Really? - Yeah.
Everybody loves him.
- If he just has a chance - Okay.
then h-he could take it and run with it.
All right, well, if he doesn't mind starting from the bottom, you know, I can see what we have available at Stevens & Lido.
[Chuckling.]
You mean you gonna get my baby boy a job? Hey, hey, hey.
No promises, Unc, all right? I don't even know if we have anything available, but I could put in a good word for him.
After all, we are family, right? Yeah.
Thank you, Dre, man.
- Oh.
- I really appreciate it.
- Oh, you got it, Unc.
You got it.
- Really.
Really.
[Earth, Wind & Fire's "Fantasy" plays.]
- Hey, right.
- Oh.
- Okay.
- This is my music, man.
Shoot, man, I'm gonna do my Philip Bailey imitation.
Let me hear it.
[Falsetto.]
Every man - Ow! - Oh, okay! [Laughs.]
Okay, Unc.
In his heart, there's a space And the world can't erase his fantasies Take a ride Hey, Pops.
Hey, son.
This whole wedding wouldn't even be happening if it wasn't for you.
And having my family here with me like this, it's like It's like icing on my second wedding cake.
It is pretty great, right, Pops? Mm-hmm.
Hey, uh, I just want to say I'm sorry for overreacting to Uncle Norman.
Did you know his youngest son is interested in advertising? - How you know that? - Well, he told me he just graduated and he's looking for a job, so I told him I'd see what I could do at Stevens & Lido.
- He did, huh? - Mm-hmm.
- Hold my drink for me.
- Yeah, okay.
Our voices will live together! Till the twelfth of never Hey Hey! Norman.
As Did you tell Ryon to, uh, hit Dre up about a job? Oh, yeah, man.
Yeah.
It's good that Dre can help, man.
Job market is rough out there, man.
It is, but you didn't need to hit my son up about it.
Man, that's family, man.
That's what family does.
It is.
Dre is your family, but he is my son.
I need you to take your hand out his pocket.
- My hand out of his pocket?! - Yeah! We didn't come here for a handout.
- Exactly.
- Yeah.
Although it would have been nice for Dre to at least negotiate a family rate at the hotel he's forcing us to stay at.
You know, the one without a swimming pool.
Unlike the one here, which he refuses to heat.
Okay, look, I'm not gonna have y'all descend on my son like a bunch of damn locusts.
- Hey, hey, Earl, Earl, Earl, Earl - Y'all need to go! No, you ain't got to go home, but you got to get the hell out of here.
- [Gasps.]
- Get.
Go on.
Everybody.
- B-but, Earl - Get! - Earl! - Go on! - Everybody! - Well, screw you! Everyone leave! [Indistinct talking.]
- Is he talking to me? - Yes.
What You ready to tell me what happened? I mean, you were so excited to have your people here.
I don't know, son.
I just got mad at the thought of Norman showing up here to use you.
Family has a way of feeling like they're entitled to your success, and I wouldn't be doing my job as a father if I didn't protect you.
They're my problem, not yours.
Pops, you don't have to protect me.
Yes, I do.
You've worked so damn hard for everything you have, and I'm proud of that.
I'm not gonna let anyone, not even my brother, mess with that.
You're proud of me.
'Course I'm proud of you, dummy.
I don't want people asking you for a job or rent or a college fund.
It's best to keep these things separate.
Okay, Pops, you've never really said you were proud of me.
- I tell you all the time.
- Not really.
Dre, I just broke ties with my brother.
Can we please let this go? Sorry.
Yeah, I just feel bad that you're getting married and you don't have your family here.
Nah, you were right.
My family's right here.
As long as the people that live in this house are at the wedding, I'm straight.
- Oh.
- Hmm? And, uh, that "hand in your pocket" thing? - Yeah.
- That don't apply to me.
- Huh? - I gave you life.
I'mma stay here till I die.
My parents' big day had finally arrived, and it was going to be hard for any of our guests not to get caught up in the magic, especially the hopeless romantics.
Mmm! You smell that? Love is in the air.
No, that's the wildfires.
Okay, how can you guys be so cynical? Today is all about love.
Mm.
Pops is walking around feeling like a million bucks.
Olivia is gonna look perfect in her wedding dress.
Sorry Did you say "Olivia"? No! No.
No, no.
- No.
- Oh, God.
You have that dumb look on your face, like when you found out that weird guy from "Girls" was in the new "Star Wars.
" - Yeah.
- What?! Everyone fantasizes about what it would be like when they marry Olivia when they come to these things.
How are you still like this? Bro, this is coming from me.
Don't do anything stupid.
I am just super happy for Pops and Grandma.
- JACK: Okay.
- DIANE: Okay, cool.
Oh, my God.
She's here.
- DIANE: Okay.
- Oh, God.
He already lost.
Well, there is no point in me meeting her now.
It's a shame.
They were a cute couple.
But as lovely as everything was, no wedding, no matter how meticulously planned, ever goes off without a hitch.
Miss me with that nonsense! Ruby, who was that? - A pastor - Oh.
who didn't realize you're asking for trouble if you order take-out sea bass! This is just what I feared, Rainbow.
The whole day is falling apart! - Ohh.
- Who's gonna marry us now?! Ruby, I can marry you and Pops.
You're ordained? Well By Jesus? By An online church that charges $45.
- Good enough.
- Yes! Okay.
Got this! Yeah, there was a lot going on, but no one forgot what the day was truly about Pops and Mama were getting their second chance at love, and I couldn't have been more happy for them.
I'm so in love with you Whatever you want to do Is all right with me 'Cause you make me feel so brand-new [Whispering.]
Take care of my mama.
I cannot tell you how wonderful it is for us to be here today, for Oh.
for all of us to be here today to witness two very special people reunite in matrimony.
And as an expression of the unique way in which these two love each other, Earl and Rubilene have elected to write their own vows.
Well, as you all know, I've never been one for the spotlight.
[Laughter.]
So I'll keep this short.
I love this man with all my heart and soul.
And I am blessed to be able to spend the rest of my life with him.
Pops.
Rubilene Johnson.
Woman, I can't believe I have lived long enough to find my way back into your arms again.
You have made me the man I am today.
I never knew I could be this happy.
[Gasps.]
I'm truly, truly grateful.
Thank you, Black Jesus.
Amen.
[Laughter.]
By the power vested in me by the Internet, I now pronounce you husband and wife.
Again.
I told y'all he couldn't quit me.
[Laughs.]
[Laughter and applause.]
[Laughs.]
[Luther Vandross' "Never Too Much" plays.]
Thank you, girl! Hey! - Rainbow! - Hey.
Thank you! You saved the day! You know, I'm glad it was you that married us.
- Aww.
Ruby! - [Laughs.]
It was 100% my honor.
And let me tell you something.
You are not such a bad mother-in-law.
I love you, too.
[Both laugh.]
There you go! - Hey! $20?! - [Laughs.]
What am I, your work friend? [Both laugh.]
Come on, everybody! Let's dance! - Hey! - Come on, Earl! hustle for another dollar? I'd rather be with you 'cause you Olivia Denise Lockhart, these last six months have been the best of my life.
No, stupid.
You can't say that.
2020's been a horrible year.
Okay.
Olivia Denise Lockhart, I'm so glad I've lived long enough to find my way back into your arms.
No.
Those are Pops' vows.
Junior You're not ready.
What are you talking about? That look in your eye I had that same look with your mother when I took her to a wedding three months into dating her.
Really? Mm-hmm.
I get it, son.
But if you take anything from your grandparents' story, it's that you don't have to rush love.
- Oh, thank God.
- Mm.
- 'Cause I'm in way over my head.
- Mm-hmm.
There's not even a ring in this box.
I know.
I had to buy you that suit.
And I just don't wanna stop Family is messy.
Family is complicated.
But family is still family.
After seeing as many ups and downs as my parents have had, I should have known that by now.
In the end, it was a wedding for the ages.
And that's a good thing, because I'm never gonna do this again.
Olivia, come on over here.
I want you in the picture.
- Come on.
- Aww! I want you in the picture, too, but there's no pressure.
Junior, I never pass up an opportunity to get my picture taken.
- Okay.
- [Chuckles.]
- [Camera shutter clicking.]
- Oh.
Mm-hmm.
- Smile, baby.
- Got it.
All right, get a couple without her.
Oh.
Never know if it's gonna last, you know? - Uh - [Clears throat.]
- Oh.
- No, no.
No, no.
She's talking about me.
She did the same thing at my wedding.
Go ahead.
Squish in.
I'll meet you at the bar, babe.
- Uh-huh.
- Mm-hmm.
[Camera shutter clicking.]