Bob's Burgers s15e13 Episode Script

1
[LOUISE] And that comes to $3.75.
Another exciting week in
the illegal snack trade.
Aren't you ever worried
you're gonna get caught?
They're pretty serious about
the "no selling snacks at school" rule.
Tina, Tina, Tina, my
snack reselling operation
is a well-oiled and
heavily salted machine.
And, you know, you can always
jump on the snack wagon.
I know you're trying to save
up for that pencil case thingy.
The Ultra Capacity Pencil Sanctuary?
I'll earn the money legally, thanks.
Did I mention it comes
with two pencil drawers?
- [LOUISE] Yep.
- [GENE] Uh-huh.
And three side cubbies for erasers?
- [GENE] Uh-huh.
- [LOUISE] Yeah.
And a built-in sharpener?
- [GENE] Uh-huh.
- [LOUISE] Mm-hmm.
So yeah.
Well, I predict next week
the spicy chip trend will be over.
I saw Ms. Labonz eat one.
When a teacher's eating
it, the snack is done.
Remember Nasty Nibs?
One of the flavors was Knee Scab.
And that's exactly what it tasted like.
Trust me.
Those didn't sell like Sour Smacks.
Those were so sour I tried water.
Is it weird how much kids like
eating things that are awful?
It's a bonding experience.
Instant snack-based pain bond.
Mouth trauma drama.
Speaking of mouth drama,
anyone want to try my
post-dinner, pre-bedtime treat?
It's black pepper and red pepper
and green pepper and Dr Pepper.
All the peppers in one dip.
- I'm good.
- Whoa.
Guys, what if there was one snack
that had all the extreme
flavors in one bite?
You're saying hot, sour,
sugary and a little gross?
Like Captain Jack Sparrow?
Gene, could you use your powers
to create an
everything-in-one chip?
One chip to rule them all?
Maybe. Ooh, I've got an idea.
- I got to go talk to Dad.
- Say hi for me.
Bun delivery $45.
Bun delivery $45.
Okay, we just got to
put the rest of these
in the spreadsheet,
and then all of these,
and then we high-five and say, "Taxes."
[SIGHS] How many nights
have we spent doing this?
Maybe we don't keep our books
and the accountant
just makes up numbers?
We tried that. Everyone was mad.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Father, I have a question.
- Stop gaming with your bros.
- I wasn't
- [SIGHS] Go ahead.
- What was that orange thing
I ate the other day
that tasted really funny?
That orange button you swallowed?
The orange crayon?
The traffic cone you chewed on?
No, it was in the restaurant,
and it was like my
whole mouth felt tingly
and my tongue went numb for an hour.
Oh, that was a Hachiya
persimmon that wasn't ripe yet.
Yes, that's it. How does it do that?
Did a witch sell it to you?
It's the tannins
they can make your mouth
feel like it's full of fur.
- Do we have any more?
- Yeah, they're in the walk-in.
Why do you want one?
- Uh, math homework. Bye.
- [LAPTOP FAN BUZZING]
Oh. Oh, God. That's loud. Saving.
Saving our file. Don't die.
- Please don't die.
- It's not gonna die.
It's a survivor.
Think of all the stuff we've done to it.
Oh, my God. Is that smoke?
- Close it.
- It's so hot.
It's angry. Oh, it's angry.
Putting it in the fridge.
You put the laptop in the fridge?
Yes. That's normal. It's gonna be fine.
- [BOB SIGHS] It's dead.
- I'm gonna try it again.
And wake up.
Ah, poop.
Well, at least everything's
backed up, right?
[BOTH] Uh
- No.
- Oh, no.
Why didn't we back it up?
We've been doing stupid tax
stuff every night for weeks.
So many ways to back up now.
Thumb drive, cloud,
print it out and mail it to yourself.
It can't be dead.
All of our family photos
and videos are on here.
You know, there's a repair place
I've been to that's pretty good.
I took my mom's PC
there when she spilled
a Long Island iced tea on it.
Apparently, that's
the most damaging drink
you can spill on a computer.
[SIGHS] Let me try one more thing.
Who's a pretty girl?
And on.
Damn it.
[BLENDER WHIRRING]
Move over, Gene Simmons.
Here comes Gene Persimmons
with unripe persimmon juice.
We've also got our hot sauce,
our lemon juice and a little sugar.
Let's get sprinkling.
♪
Sisters, chips ahoy?
[CRUNCHING]
[WHIMPERING]
- Extreme heat.
- Mm. Extreme sour.
And my tongue is numb.
- Yup.
- Gene, you did it.
It's truly unpleasant.
Kids will love this.
Or we keep tinkering?
Should we maybe add a
thin layer of marzipan?
Stop. Leave it be. It's great.
I think we should bag
these up, three per bag.
I think we should call
them Mouth Manglers.
And I think we should
charge a buck a bag.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Who's "we"?
I don't want to get in trouble.
And I never want to
taste that taste again.
Yeah. Me, neither. Okay, one more.
- Yeah.
- Okay, fine.
[ALL GROANING]
And dropping the stuff
in the drop locker.
Andy and Ollie, my boys in the yard,
will come and pick up the
product, and we'll find out
if there's a market for this madness.
So, how does it work?
The buyer approaches Andy and Ollie.
Everybody goes down the slide
together, away from prying eyes.
Money's exchanged for snacks.
Everyone's all smiles when
they come out the other end,
and no one's the wiser.
Oh, I think we might have a taker.
Be cool, be cool. Just,
you know, do recess stuff.
- Recess, recess, recess.
- Hey, guys.
- Gene, you doing some recess?
- Tina, move.
You're blocking my angle.
Uh, are you trying to recess this way?
- Hi, Louise.
- Aah!
How's your secret snack racket going?
Shh. Just move along, Millie.
Sorry, sorry. I know
you like discretion.
You keep your hands clean.
Never handle the goods,
never touch the money.
Isn't there anyone else
you could stalk today?
[LAUGHS] That's funny.
Are you sure I can't get in
on your illegal enterprise?
I'll do anything. I'll answer phones.
I'll pick up dry cleaning.
And anyone who crosses you,
I'll destroy their soul.
- [SCHOOL BELL RINGING]
- Ugh.
Ugh. Jinx!
[GRUNTS] Did you see how far that went?
Gene, all balls need to be
collected at the end of recess.
Fine, I'll go get it.
Okay, moment of truth. Time
to see how much we sold.
Didn't get a chance to
talk to Andy and Ollie.
This could've been a bust.
- So
- Crime doesn't pay?
I don't know.
Does a bag full of cash pay?
- [TINA AND GENE] What?
- We sold out in one day.
Ten bucks in one day.
- I want in.
- Yeah, you do.
Money, money, money,
money, money, money.
So we're gonna quadruple the recipe,
which means we're doing
some multiplication here.
- I can do this!
- [TINA] Here's my money.
Go turn this into more money.
Mama's going to pencil case town.
In Pennsylvania.
Ingredient money. Thank you.
Or should I say, "Bank you"?
'Cause you're the bank.
Ooh, what if we make ten times as many?
But I just did the math for
four times as many. I think.
Easy there, hot stuff. We have a plan.
To stay under the radar?
To not get caught?
Fine. Boo.
While we're talking plans,
does it have to be a chip?
Hear me out Mouth Mangler Meringue.
- [TINA AND LOUISE] No.
- Mouth Mangler Moussaka?
[TINA AND LOUISE] Gene.
[BOB] H-How does it look?
- Bad.
- Oh.
Very bad. Was it on fire?
There was some smoke,
but you can fix it, right?
I can put in a refurbished hard drive,
but your hard drive is dead.
And it suffered.
Okay. We really need
what's on that hard drive.
It's pretty much all our pictures
and also a lot of hours
of putting receipts
into a program that our
accountant told us to get.
- Not backed up?
- Not backed up.
Why?!
Sorry. Sorry.
I want so badly to have been
the person who backed up.
- I want that so much.
- I know. It's hard.
I want to be the person who goes
to physical therapy for their wrists.
But I don't go, and you don't back up.
- Yeah.
- Leave it with me.
I'll see if I can get it to spin up.
Will that be expensive?
Oh, that question always
comes: "How much does it cost?"
I mean, it's just something I wonder.
It's 100 bucks for the new drive,
50 bucks for the diagnostic
on the fried drive.
After that, there will be
some cost to do a retrieval.
I can't tell you how much
that'll run till I do the tests.
Okay. Do I give you credit card?
You give me credit card.
[SIGHS] I'm sorry. This is just scary.
- It's scary for me, too.
- It is?
Yeah. I mean, you're making me
feel like it's really important
that I fix your hard drive.
- [VOICE SHAKING] It is.
- Are your eyes watering?
I'm not crying. I'm just gonna leave.
- Yeah, just leave it.
- Okay.
- Just go, please.
- I'm going.
- Yeah, I just
- I'll leave it here.
L-Leave it here, and then you go,
- and then I'll be here.
- Bye, laptop. I'm coming back.
- And I'm definitely not crying.
- Okay, bye.
- Bye.
- Yep.
- I love you.
- I love you
Well, he loves you, I'm sure. Bye.
[LOUISE] Time to cash in on these chips.
Let's mangle some mouths.
Selling illegal snacks ♪
Illegal snacks ♪
Making a lot of cash ♪
Cash ♪
Selling illegal snacks ♪
Crunchy ♪
Making a lot of cash ♪
Get that cash ♪
Selling illegal snacks ♪
Money, money, money, money ♪
Money. ♪
Louise, we've got chip trouble.
Also, I have to go potty unrelated.
Whoa, whoa. Andy, Ollie.
We don't talk snacks out
in the open, remember?
Also, Ollie, I told you
to go when you need to go.
There's another chip on the scene.
- [LOUISE] What?
- [OLLIE] And the street name
is Mouth Shmanglers.
- Hey, that's just like our name.
- Oh, my God.
Someone is pumping out
counterfeit Mouth Manglers?
We found one on the ground.
Let me see that.
[GROANS] It's sort of hot,
and I guess it's gross.
But it's not good gross. It's bad gross.
Like Tammy's birthday
party Captain Jack Sparrow?
This is a reminder that
students are forbidden
from selling food on campus,
especially if that food happens to be
any sort of a challenge or dare.
If you are caught selling anything
with extreme flavors on school property,
you will face a detention challenge
that will not be spicy,
but it will be sour for you.
And it will be the
extreme detention sentence,
which is, I don't know, till
the end of the year, maybe.
[GROANS] This is what happens.
- Amateurs!
- [MILLIE] Psst.
I've got something you
three are gonna want to see.
I found the counterfeiter.
[GENE] Peter?
[LOUISE] Peter Pescadero?
I caught him dealing the knockoff chips
in the cafeteria, so I brought him here.
What do we want to do with him, guys?
He's very ticklish.
No! I'll stop making them.
I-I'll stop selling them.
It's not that easy, Peter.
- Where's it gonna be? Feet? Pits?
- No! Please!
Uh, I'm not comfortable with this.
Peter, don't test me again,
or there will be tickling.
And it won't be just a test tickle.
Yeah, no test tickles for you.
Okay, okay. I'm sorry.
- Let him go.
- [WHIMPERING, PANTING]
See you in homeroom.
Can I be part of your
snack gang now, please?
Excuse us a moment.
Maybe we should let her in.
- I mean, she's a little
- [TINA] Terrifying?
[LOUISE] Yeah, but maybe that's good.
You're the cook. You're the bank.
I'm the brains. She's the muscle.
Every cartel needs muscle, right?
And it always ends well for the cartels.
[SIGHS] Okay.
- All right, Millie, you're in.
- Yes!
This is gonna be so fun.
- Right.
- Uh-huh.
Nicely done. They bought it.
So I bought you this money.
- I feel kind of bad.
- [SHUSHING]
You don't feel anything,
because this never happened.
- Mwah!
- [WHIMPERS] Wha
Bye. Enjoy the rest of your afternoon.
[SINGSONGY] I know where you live.
Okay, we're all here.
We can finally start the meeting.
- What's this about?
- Yeah.
This meeting wasn't in my PalmPilot.
Louise called this
meeting, so we're gonna do
- the friggin' meeting, okay?
- Yikes.
Thank you, Millie.
Okay, so first item welcome Millie.
She will be in charge of
security and enforcement.
- And back rubs!
- Millie, no.
Um, actually, that feels pretty good.
Look, guys, we need
to expand our market.
I'm thinking kids on the school bus,
the mall, youth groups, book fairs.
I'm just spitballing.
Ah, Millie. Ow. Ow.
Expanding? Sounds risky.
- More chances to get caught.
- And I'd have to make even more chips?
People, I don't work hard, I play hard.
Actually, I don't play hard.
Hey, if Louise says we're expanding,
- we're expanding.
- Millie, down.
Down, girl. Seriously.
Get-get off my back.
- [SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
- All right, we'll put a pin in this,
- I guess.
- [LAUGHS]
"Put a pin in this." I love that.
That's great. Did you
just come up with that?
No.
Bob's Burgers. Oh, hi, computer Dave.
So, the diagnostics report
on your hard drive
- Yeah?
- was bad.
- Oh.
- What'd he say?
- It's bad.
- Is that bad?
- Is that bad, if it's bad?
- Um, yeah.
- I just don't know the lingo.
- Tell Dave I said hello.
The PC with the Long Island
Iced Tea spilled on it.
- Teddy, shush.
- There is a procedure we can do,
but it's potentially dangerous.
- Dangerous?
- And I'm not that good at it.
- Oh.
- I can try to transfer files
from the old hard drive
to the new hard drive.
But once I boot up that old drive,
we may have five
minutes, we may 20 seconds
before that drive crashes forever.
- Forever?
- So, you both should probably be here
when I run the program in case
there are decisions to make
- on the fly.
- Hi Dave, this is Bob.
- What kind of decisions?
- What to try and save.
- Oh, God.
- I have time tomorrow afternoon.
- Okay.
- All right, drink a lot of fluids
and get plenty of rest tonight.
And just don't get mad at
me if it doesn't work, okay?
- Okay.
- Bye.
Eh. That didn't sound good. Sorry, guys.
Computers aren't for everyone.
[LOUISE] Guys, guys,
Millie's got some very exciting news.
- Listen up.
- So,
an eighth grader contacted me.
She has a sister in high school
who wants to sell Mouth
Manglers to the kids there.
She thinks they would
eat them up. Literally.
- So, who's the eighth grader?
- It's her.
[GENE] Chelsea?
The scariest girl at
school? That checks out.
Don't look at her, don't look at her.
I heard her older
sisters are even scarier.
They're like scary
Russian nesting sisters.
Chelsea wants to buy a huge batch.
A hundred bags.
And she made it very clear:
no interaction until the deal.
Which is happening tomorrow.
Louise does have to be there herself.
Chelsea insisted.
We can't use Andy and
Ollie for this one.
But I'll be there. To protect her.
And you guys can just do whatever
play, be young.
Um, hello? A hundred bags?
If we bring in a batch
that big, our chances
of getting busted go way the H up.
The chances of me getting
tired go way the H up.
A hundred bags? Look at these bags.
Then why don't you guys just quit?
- What? - What?
- Huh?
Yeah. We don't need
them anymore, Louise.
We don't need their money.
We don't need a cook
you know the recipe.
I say we ditch the funds
and boy buns over here
and do it ourselves.
- Boy buns?
- [SIGHS] Guys,
maybe Millie's right.
I mean, Tina, you didn't
want to do any of this.
You like to play it safe.
And Gene, you don't like to work hard
- or focus.
- What?
Maybe the time has come
to go our separate ways.
- Yeah, maybe it has.
- Fine with me.
Okay. I'll give you your cut
for today at the drop locker
and we'll be square.
And hey, you'll finally
have enough money to buy
your badass pencil case, Tina.
It is badass. Come on, Gene.
Let's sit somewhere else. [GRUNTING]
- Is this far enough?
- Yeah, this is good.
♪
Going our separate ways ♪
Oh, no ♪
Stuck in our snack malaise ♪
Malaise ♪
Just you and your pencil case ♪
So sad ♪
Cooking the night away ♪
So lonely ♪
Going our separate ways. ♪
Oh, Peter.
- H-Hey, Gene.
- I guess I want to say sorry
that Millie locked
you in the boiler room.
I mean, I was mad that you were selling
those crappy knock-off chips,
but I wouldn't want us to not be friends
or at least classmates with benefits.
I don't know if I'm using
that phrase correctly.
Um, Gene, the boiler room thing
was kind of not what it looked like.
[WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]
What?!
We got to tell Louise.
- Tell Louise what?
- Aah! - Uh Oh.
Nothing. Just, um
Our dad has syphilis.
Uh, yep, our dad has syphilis.
Oh, that's awful.
I can take you to her. Follow me.
- Okay.
- Great.
Wait, why are you taking
us to the boiler room?
The place you locked up Peter Pescadero.
This is where the deal is happening.
Louise is waiting for
the buyer. [SCOFFS]
It's not like I would
lock people up twice
in the same place.
- Good point.
- And it's not like
you would even go in
with me if you thought
- I was gonna lock you up.
- Right.
Plus, you guys are dealing
with the syphilis thing.
I have so much compassion for that.
She's just over there, in
the dark end of the room.
Louise? Tina and Gene are here.
They have some bad news.
It's, uh, the big S.
- [PANTING]
- Damn it!
Stop! [GRUNTS]
- [GRUNTS]
- Aah!
Millie, no!
You found out about Peter.
He squealed, didn't he?
- No?
- No.
Well, I'm not gonna let
you ruin everything.
But I will let you
stay in there forever,
So that's fun. Bye!
No! Aah!
Forever doesn't work for me.
I have a thing after
school that I can't move!
I can't believe Millie
trapped us in here.
- I mean, I can, but still.
- Help!
Beautiful children trapped
in musty boiler room!
Okay, we'll boot up the old drive
and I'll use my desktop to
go through it and find and fix
any corrupted files as fast as I can
based on my limited
knowledge of how this works.
- Are you ready?
- [WHIMPERS] - Yes.
Sorry, no, I was talking to myself.
And I am not.
Oh, come on, Dave.
Now's the time. [EXHALES]
Oh, my God.
- [THUMPING ON DOOR]
- [TINA] Anybody? Anybody!
I'm thinking Millie's got a saw in here
or C-4 explosives.
But mostly, I'm seeing a lot of drawings
of her and Louise. Her
and Louise on the beach.
Her and Louise in some kind
of motorcycle and sidecar.
Her and Louise in a classroom.
And I think Mr. Frond is
there and he looks mad.
Oh and it says "detention."
Ah, and here's another one detention.
And another one detention.
Wait, let me see those.
Oh, my God. Gene. Millie
wants to get caught!
Remember when Mr. Frond
said whoever gets caught
selling snacks will get
detention for the rest
of the year? Millie
wants to get detention
with Louise for the rest of the year.
- [GASPS]
- I bet there is no deal with Chelsea.
- It's a setup.
- [BRANCA] Checking the traps ♪
Checking the rat traps. ♪
Is that Mr. Branca?
- Mr. Branca! Mr. Branca!
- Mr. Branca!
[THUMPING CONTINUING]
Huh? Did you rats learn my name?
[TINA] We're not rats! We're kids!
- We're in the boiler room!
- Oh. Thank God.
The rats one day, they
gonna get me down here.
They're gonna make it
look like an accident.
Thanks Mr. Branca! We got
to go! Talk more later!
Okay, then.
Did you catch all that,
little bastards?
Okay. Starting the process.
[LINDA] Is-is all that
shaking around okay?
No, that's called a death rattle.
- Oh!
- Hey, so I'm seeing two folders.
"Things" and "Stuff."
The kids' pictures and videos and stuff
are in "Things" and
the bookkeeping things
- are in "Stuff."
- It-It's a good system.
What should I try to save
first? "Things" or "Stuff"?
- Oh, God. Um
- Uh
Bob, let's save the spreadsheets.
- What? Lin
- I-I think doing all that work again
might actually kill you.
And it'll kill me too,
'cause I'll have to listen to you.
I-I mean, 'cause I care about you.
[BOB] But what about the photos
and the videos of the kids?
It's okay. I remember all of 'em.
There's that one of
Gene doing that thing,
and that one with the kids in the bath.
Remember when they used to be clean?
An-Anyway, they're
all up here, somewhere.
- So, save the spreadsheets.
- Okay, we've made a decision?
The folder with the
spreadsheets is "Stuff."
And I'm gonna save that
first. And possibly only that.
- [BOB] Wait!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Save "Things." Save
- Save the photos!
- Oh, Bobby!
Okay, so we changed our mind.
We're saving photos and videos.
Here goes. Transferring photos.
Videos.
There's a little smoke.
- We got your photos and videos!
- [BOTH EXCLAIM]
Whoa. And it's dead.
- Oh.
- We lost the spreadsheets.
- Ah!
- But I saved the memories, so
- Yes, you did! Up top!
- Oh!
- Sorry, sorry.
- No. Worth it. It was worth it.
They've got to be in the slide, right?
It's where the magic happens!
Louise! There's no deal.
Millie wants to get caught
so you have detention together
for the rest of the year.
- What?
- Yeah, what?
Millie bribed Peter to
pretend to be the counterfeiter
so she could earn your
trust and get into our gang.
And she probably bribed Chelsea
to nod at us in the cafeteria.
- No.
- [TINA] Then we found out
and-and tried to tell
you and Millie locked us
- in the boiler room.
- And that's when we found her drawings.
From her detention series.
Aw, don't listen to them.
They're just jealous of what we have.
Louise! Mr. Frond is coming!
He's coming straight towards the slide!
You know what?
- I don't care.
- What? - What?
Yeah. Millie conned
her way into the gang.
- I respect that.
- Ooh! [GIGGLES]
She likes my ideas. All
of them. I respect that.
So you understand why
I had to do it, right?
The cartel wasn't gonna last.
But detention is forever.
I get it. I mean,
we're the ultimate team.
- So, Millie is my sister now.
- Ooh! [GIGGLES]
Yup, I'm doing the big switcheroo.
You're out, Millie's in.
Switching it up.
Swapping you out. Do you hear me?
[MILLIE] Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
[FROND] Well, well,
Tina and Gene Belcher.
Let me guess, Louise
is inside the slide.
Just kidding, not a guess.
I got an anonymous tip
that Louise and Millie
are the illegal snack dealers and that
they would be inside the
slide right now with the goods.
And here you are.
[SQUEALS] It's happening.
- Girls, out, now.
- We're coming. Whee!
- Louise. Out.
- [LOUISE] Mr. Frond,
this is all some kind
of misunderstanding.
[SCOFFS] Is it a crime to slide?
- Backpack.
- Aw.
- Mm-hmm.
- We accept full detention.
Should we start right now?
We should probably start right now.
Is, uh What the
There's nothing in here.
Just a bunch of creepy drawings
and some nail clippings in a jar?
- What? No, that's my backpack.
- Ew. Here.
Tsk, tsk, tsk, Mr. Frond.
Falling for phony tips.
You're better than that.
[GROWLS] I hate recess.
Wow. You switched the
backpacks. Nice job.
So, who went to the
top of the slide Gene?
Mm-hmm.
[MILLIE] You pushed it up
to him when I was looking
- at Mr. Frond and Tina?
- [LOUISE] Yup.
Switcharoo. That was the
signal. Your sibling code.
You started speaking
in your secret language.
And Gene, you ran off
with Louise's backpack
full of the chips
and what, hid it in
the bushes over there?
Buried it in the sand?
Threw it in the trash?
- You don't have to tell me.
- [GENE] Those are way better ideas
- than what I did.
- But you still want to be my sister?
No. I already have a
sister. And a brother.
They're actually my ultimate teammates.
- Blech!
- And I'm sorry I lost sight of that.
We actually balance each
other out pretty well.
You're the gross and sour
- to my hot.
- Aw.
- [SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
- Well, I'm glad
your dad has syphilis!
So, T, how's the pencil case?
[TINA] I broke it. It still opens,
- but doesn't stay closed.
- [GENE] Nice.
What's the chip that
you just can't quit ♪
Sets your mouth on fire,
makes you cry a bit? ♪
Mouth Mangler ♪
What's the snack makes
your lips go "smack" ♪
And it's on the attack
and you can't fight back? ♪
Mouth Mangler ♪
When you hear that crunch ♪
Get your taste buds
ready to be punched ♪
Come on into the slide ♪
If you want to
take that wild ride ♪
Hot and sour, gross and sweet ♪
Makes your tongue go numb,
makes your life complete ♪
Mouth Mangler. ♪