Casual (2015) s03e07 Episode Script
The Rat King
1 MAN: Previously, on "Casual" I should be apologizing to you.
- About what? - Well, your sex addiction So you had lunch with Jack and you told him what I told you? I didn't think it was that big a deal, and then I just it it just, like, slipped out.
[beep.]
[beep.]
[beep.]
I just got fired.
Do you think I need protection? - Sorry.
- We're adults.
Todd was your direct supervisor.
He removed you from your post and took advantage of you.
All right, I guess I'll just find somewhere else to do free work.
What the fuck? I don't like it like that.
Well, you didn't seem to mind before.
Well, now I do.
LEON: It's Leon.
I have tickets for "Rear Window" tonight at Hollywood Forever.
[gasps.]
Oh, my God, I have tickets to that.
You should totally go.
You coming? No, I got plans.
It was a little nerve-racking, but we all made it through.
I just feel ready.
- You're ready? - Yeah, to move forward, to move on.
You found out that your sister's your half-sister, and that she has another half-brother.
I'm fine.
["Draggin' The Line" by Tommy James plays.]
TOMMY: Making a living the old, hard way Taking and giving my day by day I dig snow and rain and the bright sunshine Yes.
TOMMY: Draggin' the line All right, bye.
Have a good one.
Stay out of trouble.
TOMMY: I feel fine I'm talking 'bout peace of mind I'm gonna take my time I'm getting the good sign Stealing office property? I prefer the term "scavenging.
" And it's coconut.
Nobody likes coconut.
Fair.
You made it.
An actual paycheck, how quaint.
It's like we're in the '30s but with even more demagogues.
Any Friday plans? Work, you? Game night.
Celebrity? "Magic: The Gathering.
" Have fun.
I got eight volunteers confirmed.
Great.
Four will show up.
And I finished my call list.
Only got one "fuck you.
" Killin' it.
How are you celebrating? Going to my uncle's to play a kids' game with people who are all older than me.
Please come.
Aw, I'm scheduled to shower.
Co-op living.
We ration hot water.
Well, my uncle has three showers, and he's very wasteful.
[beep.]
[snorting.]
Why didn't you just say no? Uh [snorts.]
Because she has an infinity pool that makes you feel both powerful [snorts.]
And sad at how unfair life is, and it keeps me on my toes.
I still don't see why you have to stay there just to feed the cat.
She's 39 and childless.
Joshua's not just a cat.
Joshua.
It's fine.
Benadryl and weed brownies will K.
O.
my allergies.
What are you doing tonight? Uh, Alex is making us play "Magic: The Gathering.
" That sounds awful.
Who's coming? Laura, Alex's new roommate, Leon.
- Oh.
- And I just I haven't seen him since I blew him off, and it's just gonna be so weird and awkward, and he's probably gonna talk [mimicking Leon.]
Extra softly just to torture me a bit.
All right, enjoy your drugs, Leia.
Have fun.
RAE: [screams.]
Gross! Ugh! Oh We have a rat.
What? We most certainly do not.
There are droppings in my bathroom.
That could be anything dust, dirt, delusions.
We know your penchant for fantasy.
Well, I know the signs.
I lived in New York.
Oh, my God, you lived in New York? I never knew.
You only mention it every day.
Look, this is LA, and, in LA, we don't leave garbage on the curb like it's pre-Jesus Rome, and we don't have rats.
Hey.
- Hey.
- What you got? - Gruner? - Yeah.
I predicted rosé.
Well, last week, I heard these frat guys order "bro-sé," and I'm just done.
- Gross.
- How was your first week? Strangely satisfying.
There are benefits working 9:00 to 5:00.
Now my weekend actually has meaning.
You worked 24/7 at Snooger? What? No, I mostly just hung out and caused interpersonal problems.
Oh, I would've never guessed.
Hi, you must be Rae.
Yes, hi, nice to meet you.
You're Alex's half-sister, right? Mm, is that how you describe me now? - No, no.
- Sorry, no, no, no, I meant genetically half.
You're full in spirit.
Alex told me about the memorial.
I can't believe your mom blurted that out.
Oh, well, you know, she's extremely - fond of attention.
- She is.
And you haven't talked to her since? No.
Neither of us have.
Don't visit Medusa without a sword and mirror.
[door opens.]
Okay, so this will be up the stairs and to the left.
- Thanks.
- Hello.
- ALEX: Hi.
- Hi.
VALERIE: Hi.
Laura - Hi, Mom.
- Who's that? Uh, Casey, my boss.
- From petitioning.
- What? No, no, I don't do that anymore.
From Verde, my environmental internship.
- Oh.
- She's gonna shower, and then she'll come down and join us.
Shower? I don't remember you mentioning Casey.
You didn't ask.
CASEY: [screams.]
Now I know how King Tut feels.
My sanctuary's been desecrated.
How did it even get in? Probably through the toilet.
They can do that? It's more like what they can't do.
They can collapse their rib cages.
Hold their breath for three minutes.
Tread water for days.
They're everywhere and nowhere.
Like Russian hackers.
How do you know so much about rats? Oh, we thought we had an infestation at Verde.
Turns out it was just a rabid bat.
Well, Rae, thanks a lot.
- Excuse me? - Well, do the math.
Before you, no rat.
After you, rat.
So you obviously brought it from New York.
Right, yeah, yeah, yeah, it must have climbed aboard my luggage when the steam ship set off.
Sure, or a train.
I've seen "Fievel Goes West.
" - Fievel's a mouse.
- Okay, you know what? It's your house, your rat.
You want it out? - Call someone.
- And quick.
Where's there's one rat, there's 20.
$1,000? I can literally have a person killed for that.
No, that's not a threat.
It's a fact said threateningly.
[soft conversation.]
Fucking extortionist.
Preying on the fearful Who does that? Politicians, priests, every villain ever.
I'm worried about Laura.
- Why? - 'Cause she's secretly interning for a woman she brought here to shower.
On a scale of one to Lewinsky, that feels like a five, at least.
- Val - What? Your only daughter is trying to make a better world.
This is what parents dream of, okay? As the revered poet McFerrin once said, "Don't worry, be happy.
" When is the exterminator coming? He can't come till Thursday.
We'll set the traps ourselves.
I hope it doesn't turn into a rat king.
What's a rat king? Is that like "The Nutcracker"? When rats are in confined places and their tails get intertwined, they move as one, a roving tumbleweed of disease-ridden rodents.
That is not real.
That can't be real.
Oh! - It's real? - Yep, ugh.
Evening, Gatherers.
Let the magic commence Cheese? Whose side are you on, Leon? [screams.]
It's real.
- Yeah.
- Wait.
- What are we searching? - Stop googling the rat king.
Ah, like "The Nutcracker.
" Okay, we can't live like this.
- Valerie.
- Leon.
Call back the exterminator.
Beg.
No, no, we are man, top of the food chain.
We're the apex predator through wits alone.
We don't bow to nature.
No, we bend nature to our will.
So let's cast off these chains of modernity and kill this rat.
[laughs.]
[sighs.]
[clears throat.]
Hmm.
They like beer, peanut butter, slim jims Rats: they're just like us.
They're also thigmophilic.
- What does that mean? - "Touch-loving.
" - BOTH: Aww.
- Yeah.
Hello? Yeah.
We could always get cage traps and then set him free in a nice field.
Leon, I'm not running a rat taxi.
It'll just come back anyway.
Rats never forget a route in.
And poison won't work either.
They taste check their food more than Castro.
Rest in peace.
You should probably just burn your house down now and collect the insurance money while you can.
You weren't hugged as a child, were you? Okay, Jack is bringing traps.
- Cage traps? - Death traps.
- So Jack? - That's his name.
I wish I'd known.
I would've fired up the egg.
Fire up an egg.
Yeah, it doesn't work like that.
Why wasn't I debriefed? 'Cause we're friends.
There's nothing to brief.
I still think it's weird.
Why didn't you tell us? You didn't ask.
You didn't want to bring your girlfriend? Well, I'm not sure she is my girlfriend yet.
- Here you go.
- Thanks.
The only way to survive in this house.
I'm not a huge fan of wine.
Gives me bitching headaches.
Only if you stop.
So Verde what is it you all do over there? Well, we work with communities impacted by fracking and oil wells, and, on a macro level, all people affected by climate change.
- So everyone? - Whoever's willing to listen.
And do you have a lot of volunteers in high school? Just Laura, but honestly, I forget sometimes.
She fits in so well.
Well, she always has.
Now why is it you don't pay your full-time volunteers? Well, if we got paid, we wouldn't be volunteers, - would we? - Hmm.
90% of our resources funnel back into the organization.
I barely take a salary myself.
Wow, that sounds like a very hard life.
Sometimes, but if you want to create real change, then you gotta do more than drive a Prius.
- Hey.
- Oh, finally, a witness.
You see that deception on display? - Okay, "Crucible.
" - Val just lied to my face.
- We don't do that.
- Except you lied to her, like, an hour ago about your mom.
[splutters.]
It's erroneous.
Now you're lying about lying.
Haven't you done enough? First you defile my house, then you make wild accusations.
- Who's on a witch hunt now? - You know what? For the last time, I did not bring rats into [door bell chimes.]
You brought rats.
Here's Johnny! VALERIE: Jesus.
[laughing.]
What Wow.
Quite the arsenal.
Yeah, yeah, I took it kind of seriously.
Is there more? There is, actually, but we Is that a bag of weapons? Even Stevie could kill with this arsenal.
You're the sunshine of my life.
Well, this doesn't seem like a fair fight.
We are under siege.
Is it not fair to protect one's keep from an invading barbarian horde? No, I just wish there was a more natural way.
What about a cat? In New York, bodegas keep cats to hunt rats.
Yes, only in New York do people keep cats to hunt rats 'cause that's not a mainstay of human history or anything.
Of course, we don't have a cat.
We have a bag of weapons.
Leia has a cat.
Hi.
Are you okay? Yeah, no, I'm great.
Jesus, what happened to your neck? Oh, this little fucker's vicious.
Also he does not like to be cuddled.
Perfect.
[cat meowing.]
"You're about to embark upon the Great Crusade.
"The eyes of the world are upon you.
"The hopes and prayers of a liberty-loving people everywhere march in communities" - Eisenhower's D-Day speech.
- Yes, it just came to me.
I love when that happens.
The other day, I pulled Tom Skerritt's "Top Gun" speech.
Oh.
BOTH: "Gentlemen you are the top 1% of all naval aviators" - Alex.
- Right, sorry.
[cat meowing.]
Joshua, it's your time now.
He can be a little shy.
We're looking for the rat king Rat king, rat king We're looking for our problems to go Uh, yeah, no, you're making it worse.
Yeah, that's dumb.
RAE: You really don't wanna find your dad? Sorry, I hope that's not too intrusive.
No, it's fine.
Yeah, I just feel like I'm 40.
I don't need to deliberately add pain to my life.
No, I get that.
I don't know.
I'm just saying finding my dad was really illuminating.
Come on.
- You found your dad? - Yeah.
Dad, sperm donor, protein source.
No, don't get me wrong, I never felt lacking with my mom, but something about seeing my nose on another person's face gave me peace.
Yeah.
Also, I found out I have nine half-siblings.
- VALERIE: Whoa.
- RAE: Yeah, that's 18 kidneys.
Okay, new plan, um, let's pair up and pick rooms.
The rat's not gonna come where we are, and we need to give the cat room to do its thing.
So now.
All right, lock and load.
Smooth, real smooth.
Here's a thought Ever consider I might be protective? That maybe I don't want my sister having an emotional conversation with a stranger who brought rats? Yeah, nice try.
What are you hiding? I'm not hiding anything.
Okay, cool, I'm gonna go find your sister and finish our conversation.
- Fine.
- Great.
Fuck, stop.
Ah, playing possum to lure the rat onto the bed.
- That's a good technique.
- Yeah.
[thud.]
- You got me.
- [sighs.]
You know it's okay to be not okay, right? Took me a year to feel like myself again after my dad passed.
Oh, no, it's not that.
The strange thing is knowing the full story just feels like a weight's been lifted that I didn't even know I had.
I always felt like something was off with us, and now I know why.
No, it's Laura that I'm worried about.
What's going on? Well, she's she's volunteering.
No.
I don't know.
I just I don't trust it.
I I I don't know what this Casey wants with Laura, and I don't know what Laura wants with her.
Do I sound crazy? You're a mother.
Trust your instincts.
Is this okay? Yeah, it's okay.
[water splattering.]
Sorry about the interrogation.
All good.
You think your mom's the first to question - my choices? - Still.
I get it.
I mean, you're her daughter.
She sees you as a kid.
She doesn't see you like I do.
Or know what we're trying to do.
We're looking for the rat king, the rat king - The rat king - Stop.
- Are you? - What? I said, are you upset? If you just had feelings for her, you should have told me.
Who, Valerie? I mean, you didn't tell me about tonight for a reason, and I am so stoned I feel like Matt Damon in "The Martian," except no one's gonna catch me, and I'm just gonna float away into the void of space, but I still know that I can't be your second choice.
I don't have feelings for Valerie.
Then why didn't you tell me about tonight? I've ruined relationships by being overbearing And I I couldn't forgive myself if I did it with you.
- [chuckles.]
- You could never be anyone's second choice.
I just wasn't sure if I could be your first choice.
But you could.
I mean, you are.
No more hiding.
Let's tell them tonight.
[laughs.]
I don't know why I went back.
Something drew me in.
Maybe it feels powerful to be polarizing.
I don't know.
I should have just fucking told Val.
- Alex - I know, I know.
You are shouldering too much weight.
I don't think so.
Your mom gave you information that you didn't want.
She did it to hurt you.
Yeah, and I let her.
Well, you can't control your parents.
You can't cure them.
Just tell Val.
She'll understand.
How do you know when I'm lying? You have a tell.
You do it when we play "Magic.
" - I do not.
- Mm.
I'll forgive you for the rat.
Where were you the night that I showed up at your hotel and you were gone? - Vegas.
- Okay.
A buddy of mine had a bad breakup, and I felt like I couldn't say no.
It started out okay.
A few hours at the strip club the first night.
A few more the second night, and then, uh, one morning, I woke up, and my hotel room was trashed.
There was a woman to the left of me, and a man to the right that I swear to God was about 400 pounds.
And she said that I owed her $10,000.
$10,000? For what? Do not know.
Don't remember.
So then I just paid her, and they let me go.
It was low.
I was ashamed.
Then I came back.
You were there.
And it was great.
We were us.
Yeah.
I miss us.
- Hmm.
- I wish I had an easier answer for you, and I know that with my celibacy that I couldn't ask you to try again, but - But? - I want to try again.
[snap.]
It's taunting me.
To be fair, you're trying to kill it.
'Cause it broke the social contract.
It came inside.
In New York, they understand.
Tracks are for them.
The platforms are for us.
Uh, I think nature took its course.
- Oh! - Ew! WOMAN: Oh, my God.
Ah, proud of you, buddy.
With death, we celebrate life.
"Gentlemen, this school is about combat" "There are no points for second place" BOTH: "Dismissed.
" Hey, when do you think they'll start playing beach volleyball, huh? - RAE: Okay, color combinations - Hold on, one second.
Are really important, so you need to pick a style that best reflects your personality, right? Oh, sorry, so you need red and blue and white, and you might be blue because, you know, - because you're confident.
- Well Right? - Hey.
- Hey.
You guys seem really close, you and Casey.
Yeah, I guess so.
Something going on with you two? What do you mean? You know, you have a pattern.
What pattern? Michael, Aubrey, you know, the tendency to sort of complicate relationships with sex.
Wow, it's so sad that's what you think of me.
Well, Laura Okay.
I think I've overfilled my family quota.
Vacate? Definitely.
Uh, I'm due at my girlfriend's.
She's threatening to go full Ophelia.
So if you wanna go, I'll take you home? Thanks, yeah, that'd be great.
- Later.
- CASEY: Thanks for the shower.
- Oh, bye, sure, anytime.
- LAURA: Bye.
MAN: We're gathering for the Magic.
- Bye! - All right, let's go.
- So Laura's leaving? - Shit, yeah, I guess so.
She didn't tell you? It seems to be her M.
O.
these days.
Yeah, speaking of, um, remember my dress shoes? From Dad's memorial? Um, I couldn't just abandon them at Mom's, so after we released Dad, or whatever, I went back to save them and Mom told me you have a half-brother.
[coughs.]
It's crazy, right? Uh, uh-huh, yeah, it's really that's crazy.
Yeah, so, thought you should know.
Thanks for telling me.
All right, guys, should we play? Absolutely, come on.
Got to cut this album.
All right, "Magic" time.
Oh, yeah, the Gathering time.
ALEX: Jack's gonna be frustratingly good at this.
JACK: Did I get beginner cards or something? RAE: No, I gave you the new deck.
- Yeah, yeah.
- JACK: No, I believe you.
[clinking.]
Uh, before we start, I'd just like to say that I have to take a rain check on this game.
I've had a really long week, and I'm so tired.
- You need a ride? - Uh, yeah, that'd be great.
- Bye.
- Oh, no.
No, no, it's okay you can play another time.
- Really? - I think I should call it too.
- Oh.
- Oh, same.
- I gotta get Joshua.
- Please, we haven't even played one game yet.
Ah, we gotta celebrate man's victory.
To triumph and human spirit! All right, bud, next time.
- All right, this was fun.
- Bye.
- Yeah.
- Bye.
- Okay.
- LEIA: Oh, sorry.
[car door slams.]
When I was a kid, I wanted to study earthquakes because I was so terrified of when the big one would hit.
I felt like if I could predict it, then I would feel so much safer.
Even the best seismologist can't predict it.
Like, they can't, they just they can't.
We have no control.
We are as clueless as the people of Pompeii.
I mean, at least they died quick.
I wanna try.
Without the sex.
You sure? Mm-hmm, I can wait.
And I miss us too.
[sighs.]
So did you, uh, did you talk to Val? - Mm-hmm.
- And? What, weight lifted or Well, no, not exactly.
Really? Man, I thought she seemed pretty happy when she left.
She has a tell too.
[snap.]
BOTH: Fuck.
ALL: We're looking for the rat king Rat king, rat king We're looking for your problems to go away We're looking for the rat king, rat king, rat king So get on the phone and call us today ANNOUNCER: Rat King Exterminators, because we know pest control is royally serious.
- About what? - Well, your sex addiction So you had lunch with Jack and you told him what I told you? I didn't think it was that big a deal, and then I just it it just, like, slipped out.
[beep.]
[beep.]
[beep.]
I just got fired.
Do you think I need protection? - Sorry.
- We're adults.
Todd was your direct supervisor.
He removed you from your post and took advantage of you.
All right, I guess I'll just find somewhere else to do free work.
What the fuck? I don't like it like that.
Well, you didn't seem to mind before.
Well, now I do.
LEON: It's Leon.
I have tickets for "Rear Window" tonight at Hollywood Forever.
[gasps.]
Oh, my God, I have tickets to that.
You should totally go.
You coming? No, I got plans.
It was a little nerve-racking, but we all made it through.
I just feel ready.
- You're ready? - Yeah, to move forward, to move on.
You found out that your sister's your half-sister, and that she has another half-brother.
I'm fine.
["Draggin' The Line" by Tommy James plays.]
TOMMY: Making a living the old, hard way Taking and giving my day by day I dig snow and rain and the bright sunshine Yes.
TOMMY: Draggin' the line All right, bye.
Have a good one.
Stay out of trouble.
TOMMY: I feel fine I'm talking 'bout peace of mind I'm gonna take my time I'm getting the good sign Stealing office property? I prefer the term "scavenging.
" And it's coconut.
Nobody likes coconut.
Fair.
You made it.
An actual paycheck, how quaint.
It's like we're in the '30s but with even more demagogues.
Any Friday plans? Work, you? Game night.
Celebrity? "Magic: The Gathering.
" Have fun.
I got eight volunteers confirmed.
Great.
Four will show up.
And I finished my call list.
Only got one "fuck you.
" Killin' it.
How are you celebrating? Going to my uncle's to play a kids' game with people who are all older than me.
Please come.
Aw, I'm scheduled to shower.
Co-op living.
We ration hot water.
Well, my uncle has three showers, and he's very wasteful.
[beep.]
[snorting.]
Why didn't you just say no? Uh [snorts.]
Because she has an infinity pool that makes you feel both powerful [snorts.]
And sad at how unfair life is, and it keeps me on my toes.
I still don't see why you have to stay there just to feed the cat.
She's 39 and childless.
Joshua's not just a cat.
Joshua.
It's fine.
Benadryl and weed brownies will K.
O.
my allergies.
What are you doing tonight? Uh, Alex is making us play "Magic: The Gathering.
" That sounds awful.
Who's coming? Laura, Alex's new roommate, Leon.
- Oh.
- And I just I haven't seen him since I blew him off, and it's just gonna be so weird and awkward, and he's probably gonna talk [mimicking Leon.]
Extra softly just to torture me a bit.
All right, enjoy your drugs, Leia.
Have fun.
RAE: [screams.]
Gross! Ugh! Oh We have a rat.
What? We most certainly do not.
There are droppings in my bathroom.
That could be anything dust, dirt, delusions.
We know your penchant for fantasy.
Well, I know the signs.
I lived in New York.
Oh, my God, you lived in New York? I never knew.
You only mention it every day.
Look, this is LA, and, in LA, we don't leave garbage on the curb like it's pre-Jesus Rome, and we don't have rats.
Hey.
- Hey.
- What you got? - Gruner? - Yeah.
I predicted rosé.
Well, last week, I heard these frat guys order "bro-sé," and I'm just done.
- Gross.
- How was your first week? Strangely satisfying.
There are benefits working 9:00 to 5:00.
Now my weekend actually has meaning.
You worked 24/7 at Snooger? What? No, I mostly just hung out and caused interpersonal problems.
Oh, I would've never guessed.
Hi, you must be Rae.
Yes, hi, nice to meet you.
You're Alex's half-sister, right? Mm, is that how you describe me now? - No, no.
- Sorry, no, no, no, I meant genetically half.
You're full in spirit.
Alex told me about the memorial.
I can't believe your mom blurted that out.
Oh, well, you know, she's extremely - fond of attention.
- She is.
And you haven't talked to her since? No.
Neither of us have.
Don't visit Medusa without a sword and mirror.
[door opens.]
Okay, so this will be up the stairs and to the left.
- Thanks.
- Hello.
- ALEX: Hi.
- Hi.
VALERIE: Hi.
Laura - Hi, Mom.
- Who's that? Uh, Casey, my boss.
- From petitioning.
- What? No, no, I don't do that anymore.
From Verde, my environmental internship.
- Oh.
- She's gonna shower, and then she'll come down and join us.
Shower? I don't remember you mentioning Casey.
You didn't ask.
CASEY: [screams.]
Now I know how King Tut feels.
My sanctuary's been desecrated.
How did it even get in? Probably through the toilet.
They can do that? It's more like what they can't do.
They can collapse their rib cages.
Hold their breath for three minutes.
Tread water for days.
They're everywhere and nowhere.
Like Russian hackers.
How do you know so much about rats? Oh, we thought we had an infestation at Verde.
Turns out it was just a rabid bat.
Well, Rae, thanks a lot.
- Excuse me? - Well, do the math.
Before you, no rat.
After you, rat.
So you obviously brought it from New York.
Right, yeah, yeah, yeah, it must have climbed aboard my luggage when the steam ship set off.
Sure, or a train.
I've seen "Fievel Goes West.
" - Fievel's a mouse.
- Okay, you know what? It's your house, your rat.
You want it out? - Call someone.
- And quick.
Where's there's one rat, there's 20.
$1,000? I can literally have a person killed for that.
No, that's not a threat.
It's a fact said threateningly.
[soft conversation.]
Fucking extortionist.
Preying on the fearful Who does that? Politicians, priests, every villain ever.
I'm worried about Laura.
- Why? - 'Cause she's secretly interning for a woman she brought here to shower.
On a scale of one to Lewinsky, that feels like a five, at least.
- Val - What? Your only daughter is trying to make a better world.
This is what parents dream of, okay? As the revered poet McFerrin once said, "Don't worry, be happy.
" When is the exterminator coming? He can't come till Thursday.
We'll set the traps ourselves.
I hope it doesn't turn into a rat king.
What's a rat king? Is that like "The Nutcracker"? When rats are in confined places and their tails get intertwined, they move as one, a roving tumbleweed of disease-ridden rodents.
That is not real.
That can't be real.
Oh! - It's real? - Yep, ugh.
Evening, Gatherers.
Let the magic commence Cheese? Whose side are you on, Leon? [screams.]
It's real.
- Yeah.
- Wait.
- What are we searching? - Stop googling the rat king.
Ah, like "The Nutcracker.
" Okay, we can't live like this.
- Valerie.
- Leon.
Call back the exterminator.
Beg.
No, no, we are man, top of the food chain.
We're the apex predator through wits alone.
We don't bow to nature.
No, we bend nature to our will.
So let's cast off these chains of modernity and kill this rat.
[laughs.]
[sighs.]
[clears throat.]
Hmm.
They like beer, peanut butter, slim jims Rats: they're just like us.
They're also thigmophilic.
- What does that mean? - "Touch-loving.
" - BOTH: Aww.
- Yeah.
Hello? Yeah.
We could always get cage traps and then set him free in a nice field.
Leon, I'm not running a rat taxi.
It'll just come back anyway.
Rats never forget a route in.
And poison won't work either.
They taste check their food more than Castro.
Rest in peace.
You should probably just burn your house down now and collect the insurance money while you can.
You weren't hugged as a child, were you? Okay, Jack is bringing traps.
- Cage traps? - Death traps.
- So Jack? - That's his name.
I wish I'd known.
I would've fired up the egg.
Fire up an egg.
Yeah, it doesn't work like that.
Why wasn't I debriefed? 'Cause we're friends.
There's nothing to brief.
I still think it's weird.
Why didn't you tell us? You didn't ask.
You didn't want to bring your girlfriend? Well, I'm not sure she is my girlfriend yet.
- Here you go.
- Thanks.
The only way to survive in this house.
I'm not a huge fan of wine.
Gives me bitching headaches.
Only if you stop.
So Verde what is it you all do over there? Well, we work with communities impacted by fracking and oil wells, and, on a macro level, all people affected by climate change.
- So everyone? - Whoever's willing to listen.
And do you have a lot of volunteers in high school? Just Laura, but honestly, I forget sometimes.
She fits in so well.
Well, she always has.
Now why is it you don't pay your full-time volunteers? Well, if we got paid, we wouldn't be volunteers, - would we? - Hmm.
90% of our resources funnel back into the organization.
I barely take a salary myself.
Wow, that sounds like a very hard life.
Sometimes, but if you want to create real change, then you gotta do more than drive a Prius.
- Hey.
- Oh, finally, a witness.
You see that deception on display? - Okay, "Crucible.
" - Val just lied to my face.
- We don't do that.
- Except you lied to her, like, an hour ago about your mom.
[splutters.]
It's erroneous.
Now you're lying about lying.
Haven't you done enough? First you defile my house, then you make wild accusations.
- Who's on a witch hunt now? - You know what? For the last time, I did not bring rats into [door bell chimes.]
You brought rats.
Here's Johnny! VALERIE: Jesus.
[laughing.]
What Wow.
Quite the arsenal.
Yeah, yeah, I took it kind of seriously.
Is there more? There is, actually, but we Is that a bag of weapons? Even Stevie could kill with this arsenal.
You're the sunshine of my life.
Well, this doesn't seem like a fair fight.
We are under siege.
Is it not fair to protect one's keep from an invading barbarian horde? No, I just wish there was a more natural way.
What about a cat? In New York, bodegas keep cats to hunt rats.
Yes, only in New York do people keep cats to hunt rats 'cause that's not a mainstay of human history or anything.
Of course, we don't have a cat.
We have a bag of weapons.
Leia has a cat.
Hi.
Are you okay? Yeah, no, I'm great.
Jesus, what happened to your neck? Oh, this little fucker's vicious.
Also he does not like to be cuddled.
Perfect.
[cat meowing.]
"You're about to embark upon the Great Crusade.
"The eyes of the world are upon you.
"The hopes and prayers of a liberty-loving people everywhere march in communities" - Eisenhower's D-Day speech.
- Yes, it just came to me.
I love when that happens.
The other day, I pulled Tom Skerritt's "Top Gun" speech.
Oh.
BOTH: "Gentlemen you are the top 1% of all naval aviators" - Alex.
- Right, sorry.
[cat meowing.]
Joshua, it's your time now.
He can be a little shy.
We're looking for the rat king Rat king, rat king We're looking for our problems to go Uh, yeah, no, you're making it worse.
Yeah, that's dumb.
RAE: You really don't wanna find your dad? Sorry, I hope that's not too intrusive.
No, it's fine.
Yeah, I just feel like I'm 40.
I don't need to deliberately add pain to my life.
No, I get that.
I don't know.
I'm just saying finding my dad was really illuminating.
Come on.
- You found your dad? - Yeah.
Dad, sperm donor, protein source.
No, don't get me wrong, I never felt lacking with my mom, but something about seeing my nose on another person's face gave me peace.
Yeah.
Also, I found out I have nine half-siblings.
- VALERIE: Whoa.
- RAE: Yeah, that's 18 kidneys.
Okay, new plan, um, let's pair up and pick rooms.
The rat's not gonna come where we are, and we need to give the cat room to do its thing.
So now.
All right, lock and load.
Smooth, real smooth.
Here's a thought Ever consider I might be protective? That maybe I don't want my sister having an emotional conversation with a stranger who brought rats? Yeah, nice try.
What are you hiding? I'm not hiding anything.
Okay, cool, I'm gonna go find your sister and finish our conversation.
- Fine.
- Great.
Fuck, stop.
Ah, playing possum to lure the rat onto the bed.
- That's a good technique.
- Yeah.
[thud.]
- You got me.
- [sighs.]
You know it's okay to be not okay, right? Took me a year to feel like myself again after my dad passed.
Oh, no, it's not that.
The strange thing is knowing the full story just feels like a weight's been lifted that I didn't even know I had.
I always felt like something was off with us, and now I know why.
No, it's Laura that I'm worried about.
What's going on? Well, she's she's volunteering.
No.
I don't know.
I just I don't trust it.
I I I don't know what this Casey wants with Laura, and I don't know what Laura wants with her.
Do I sound crazy? You're a mother.
Trust your instincts.
Is this okay? Yeah, it's okay.
[water splattering.]
Sorry about the interrogation.
All good.
You think your mom's the first to question - my choices? - Still.
I get it.
I mean, you're her daughter.
She sees you as a kid.
She doesn't see you like I do.
Or know what we're trying to do.
We're looking for the rat king, the rat king - The rat king - Stop.
- Are you? - What? I said, are you upset? If you just had feelings for her, you should have told me.
Who, Valerie? I mean, you didn't tell me about tonight for a reason, and I am so stoned I feel like Matt Damon in "The Martian," except no one's gonna catch me, and I'm just gonna float away into the void of space, but I still know that I can't be your second choice.
I don't have feelings for Valerie.
Then why didn't you tell me about tonight? I've ruined relationships by being overbearing And I I couldn't forgive myself if I did it with you.
- [chuckles.]
- You could never be anyone's second choice.
I just wasn't sure if I could be your first choice.
But you could.
I mean, you are.
No more hiding.
Let's tell them tonight.
[laughs.]
I don't know why I went back.
Something drew me in.
Maybe it feels powerful to be polarizing.
I don't know.
I should have just fucking told Val.
- Alex - I know, I know.
You are shouldering too much weight.
I don't think so.
Your mom gave you information that you didn't want.
She did it to hurt you.
Yeah, and I let her.
Well, you can't control your parents.
You can't cure them.
Just tell Val.
She'll understand.
How do you know when I'm lying? You have a tell.
You do it when we play "Magic.
" - I do not.
- Mm.
I'll forgive you for the rat.
Where were you the night that I showed up at your hotel and you were gone? - Vegas.
- Okay.
A buddy of mine had a bad breakup, and I felt like I couldn't say no.
It started out okay.
A few hours at the strip club the first night.
A few more the second night, and then, uh, one morning, I woke up, and my hotel room was trashed.
There was a woman to the left of me, and a man to the right that I swear to God was about 400 pounds.
And she said that I owed her $10,000.
$10,000? For what? Do not know.
Don't remember.
So then I just paid her, and they let me go.
It was low.
I was ashamed.
Then I came back.
You were there.
And it was great.
We were us.
Yeah.
I miss us.
- Hmm.
- I wish I had an easier answer for you, and I know that with my celibacy that I couldn't ask you to try again, but - But? - I want to try again.
[snap.]
It's taunting me.
To be fair, you're trying to kill it.
'Cause it broke the social contract.
It came inside.
In New York, they understand.
Tracks are for them.
The platforms are for us.
Uh, I think nature took its course.
- Oh! - Ew! WOMAN: Oh, my God.
Ah, proud of you, buddy.
With death, we celebrate life.
"Gentlemen, this school is about combat" "There are no points for second place" BOTH: "Dismissed.
" Hey, when do you think they'll start playing beach volleyball, huh? - RAE: Okay, color combinations - Hold on, one second.
Are really important, so you need to pick a style that best reflects your personality, right? Oh, sorry, so you need red and blue and white, and you might be blue because, you know, - because you're confident.
- Well Right? - Hey.
- Hey.
You guys seem really close, you and Casey.
Yeah, I guess so.
Something going on with you two? What do you mean? You know, you have a pattern.
What pattern? Michael, Aubrey, you know, the tendency to sort of complicate relationships with sex.
Wow, it's so sad that's what you think of me.
Well, Laura Okay.
I think I've overfilled my family quota.
Vacate? Definitely.
Uh, I'm due at my girlfriend's.
She's threatening to go full Ophelia.
So if you wanna go, I'll take you home? Thanks, yeah, that'd be great.
- Later.
- CASEY: Thanks for the shower.
- Oh, bye, sure, anytime.
- LAURA: Bye.
MAN: We're gathering for the Magic.
- Bye! - All right, let's go.
- So Laura's leaving? - Shit, yeah, I guess so.
She didn't tell you? It seems to be her M.
O.
these days.
Yeah, speaking of, um, remember my dress shoes? From Dad's memorial? Um, I couldn't just abandon them at Mom's, so after we released Dad, or whatever, I went back to save them and Mom told me you have a half-brother.
[coughs.]
It's crazy, right? Uh, uh-huh, yeah, it's really that's crazy.
Yeah, so, thought you should know.
Thanks for telling me.
All right, guys, should we play? Absolutely, come on.
Got to cut this album.
All right, "Magic" time.
Oh, yeah, the Gathering time.
ALEX: Jack's gonna be frustratingly good at this.
JACK: Did I get beginner cards or something? RAE: No, I gave you the new deck.
- Yeah, yeah.
- JACK: No, I believe you.
[clinking.]
Uh, before we start, I'd just like to say that I have to take a rain check on this game.
I've had a really long week, and I'm so tired.
- You need a ride? - Uh, yeah, that'd be great.
- Bye.
- Oh, no.
No, no, it's okay you can play another time.
- Really? - I think I should call it too.
- Oh.
- Oh, same.
- I gotta get Joshua.
- Please, we haven't even played one game yet.
Ah, we gotta celebrate man's victory.
To triumph and human spirit! All right, bud, next time.
- All right, this was fun.
- Bye.
- Yeah.
- Bye.
- Okay.
- LEIA: Oh, sorry.
[car door slams.]
When I was a kid, I wanted to study earthquakes because I was so terrified of when the big one would hit.
I felt like if I could predict it, then I would feel so much safer.
Even the best seismologist can't predict it.
Like, they can't, they just they can't.
We have no control.
We are as clueless as the people of Pompeii.
I mean, at least they died quick.
I wanna try.
Without the sex.
You sure? Mm-hmm, I can wait.
And I miss us too.
[sighs.]
So did you, uh, did you talk to Val? - Mm-hmm.
- And? What, weight lifted or Well, no, not exactly.
Really? Man, I thought she seemed pretty happy when she left.
She has a tell too.
[snap.]
BOTH: Fuck.
ALL: We're looking for the rat king Rat king, rat king We're looking for your problems to go away We're looking for the rat king, rat king, rat king So get on the phone and call us today ANNOUNCER: Rat King Exterminators, because we know pest control is royally serious.