Celebrity Juice (2008) s13e03 Episode Script
Easter Special - Gino D'Acampo, Will Mellor, Rylan Clark-Neal, Kevin McHale, June Sarpong
1 Hi, I'm Keith Lemon and these are my titles.
Plush or what? There's Holly Willoughbooby coming out of a giant clam.
Still got them bangers, boys.
There's a Fearne Cotton with a bow and arrow.
Careful! That nearly went inside me.
And there's Gino D'Acampo with a tiny willy.
We are all in heaven but don't worry we're not dead, it's just an over-elaborate metaphor for how great this show is.
We are still here to make the best telly show on telly.
What is that's telly show on telly? Celebrity Juice on telly.
HD ready.
(APPLAUSE) Boom.
Boom.
Boom.
Boom.
Boom.
(SCREAMS) Hurrah! Hello.
Welcome to a special Celebrity Juice.
It's the special special.
Let's meet our Playboy bunnies.
First up, its Fearne Cotton.
Yeah, you look nice.
Thank you.
I like your chair.
Yes, an Easter chair.
It's discreet and subtle.
I wonder where its willy is? Do you like Easter? I do like Easter.
You look good.
You look like a Playboy bunny.
Thank you.
A pregnant one that has been kicked out of the mansion.
Oh, I was waiting, I was waiting for that.
Fearne, who is on your team? Well, he's going to be my big brother tonight, it's Rylan! (APPLAUSE) And he's back for more, Glee star, Kevin McHale.
(APPLAUSE) Lovely team.
She's got a cracking pair of hot cross buns, it's Holly Willoughbooby! (CHEERING) Hi.
Now you proper look like one of them Playboy bunnies.
What's a famous bunny? Thumper.
Who's on your team? Well, on my right, he's decided to join my team again this week, it's Gino D'Acampo! And on my left, it's the very gorgeous Will Mellor.
Gino? Yes? First up, I want to know why you're on for Holly's team.
Last week you were on Fearne's team.
He's a jinx, he makes every team lose.
You can have him.
He's back on the winning team which, to be fair, you just m It's true because, you know, I lost first with you and then with Fearne, I'm just taking my chances.
Can you just say that again in English? (LAUGHTER) I tell you what, because it's an Easter special, we have got some very special friends in the studio.
There's some Easter bunnies down there, if you can see them.
Aw! Yes, it's cute isn't it? Really font color=" Do you like the Easter set? It's nice, yeah? (CHEERING) Kevin? What's Easter like in America? I bet it's all crazy, you all dressed as bunnies and shit.
Yeah, yeah, everything.
Do you do the whole egg thing in Ame We are bitches about it.
You get these tiny, little dinky ones.
Look at this one.
That's a small one.
font color=" That's a small one, yeah.
I get told that a lot.
(LAUGHTER) Do you know Will Mellor? I just met him.
Over here in England, he is like the equivalent of Tom Cruise.
Are you? No-one clapped.
That's amazing.
First of all, tell Kevin some of the things you've been in.
What? Some of the things you've been in.
I'm not Gino D'Acampo.
You come from the same neck of the woods as me.
Hollyoaks.
Remember Hollyoaks? (CHEERING) Oww! Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps.
(CHEERING) There he is.
What else have you been in? There was a series called Broadchurch.
Broadchurch.
That's being made in America.
It failed.
Has it? (LAUGHTER) No, no, no, no! I meant the opposite by that.
Every time we make something that worked here, we fuck it up.
What do you think the secret of your success is? Or generically, success? To have such a long career.
That was a proper question, wasn't it? Do you want a proper answer? Yeah.
No, I just don't know, I have been very lucky.
I think, you know - I don't like that.
No, no, go on.
I think I have made some choices that have worked - That's No, actually, what is the answer though? You can fuck off now.
(CHEERING) Rylan Clarke, you can find them in the dark for his very white teeth You're married now, aren't you? I'm not married.
You engaged? Yes, I'm engaged.
Congratulations.
Oh, look.
Dan Neil? Dan, yeah.
Is that his real name or is it just what you say to him - Dan, kneel! (LAUGHTER) # Kevin McHale, did you come by rail to Celebrity Juice? # I walked.
Welcome back to Celebrity Juice.
How's it going? It's going well.
Yes, it's Easter.
You keep going.
Don't mind me.
Kev, you keep eating.
You played Artie in Glee.
Yes.
It's about people singing in choirs, yeah? We have a cooler version, but in Britain, it's called Songs of Praise.
Have you heard of Songs of Praise? No.
We don't have the celebrity cameos like you do in Glee.
Tell us about some of the cameos you have had on Glee.
Who have you had on? We have had Gwyneth Paltrow.
Actually, I saw Glee live on the telly and she looked fit.
She is a good singer, isn't she? Yes.
I pumped my fist to that.
You used to be in a boy band before you did Glee.
We all make mistakes.
We have got a picture.
There you are.
That's amazing.
Where did you get in the charts? In the boy Run VT.
# It's a shame # You promised that you were my best friend # Was it all for nothing? # You had that Emma Bunton rabbit thing going on.
That didn't get in the charts.
Let's have a look at your rabbit nose again.
What do you reckon? I thought that was good.
It looked like high production.
I wonder how much Will spent on this one? # You know I'm waiting until you # Give me the right to make you mine # (APPLAUSE) We have showed that once before when he was on Through T'Keyhole.
Teasing for ages.
"We've got it, we haven't got it, we've got it.
" A bit like when we had Rylan one last time on Celebrity Juice, when you were singing.
Have a look at this.
Fucking arsehole! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Kevin's face - "Who's that little ginger kid?" You know what, Will, you were one of the first people I ever interviewed when I was about 15.
I remember it.
What, on top of a garage roof? Wouldn't it be embarrassing to see you interviewing him back in the day? All you on Disney club or whatever it was you did.
Let's have a look.
You're joking! Hi, my name is Fearne Cotton and I am 16 years old.
My friend nominated me for this competition and I love to dance, sing and act.
I have wanted to work in TV since I can remember.
I love Taylor Hanson and Brad Pitt and I live on fruit pastels.
I hope to speak to you soon.
Bye.
(LAUGHS) Fearne, imagine if you were on telly and your boob popped out.
It would be horrible to watch it, wouldn't it? Go on, Duncan! (APPLAUSE) That is the best ever.
It's time for to go show Keith Your Teeth! OK, this is a word association game.
You mustn't stutter, you mustn't repeat, you mustn't hesitate.
We are a little bit worried about Rylan for this game.
Why do you think we are playing? OK, the subject is different names for boobs.
Muh-buh.
(LAUGHTER) Ihs.
Muh-pap.
Carpets.
Fuck off! Show us your carpets! I've never heard of that one.
That is a thing.
Mee-pop-hol-der.
What? Me-pop, me-pop.
Nipple! How can you have 'cans' and I can't have 'carpet'? AUDIENCE: Yes! AUDIENCE: No! (BUZZER) Spanish pukker.
Spanish fuckers? (BUZZER) Spanish fuckers.
In Italy, we call them spagnole, it's when you put your willy into the tits.
Boo-boo-boo Bollocks.
(BUZZER) That makes Holly Willoughbooby the winner! Yay! And the scores at the end of that round are We're going to go to an ad break now.
I'll see you in three.
Coming up, June Sarpong, everyone.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Hurrah! Welcome back to an Easter special.
Are you having a good time? (CHEERING) Are you having a good time? Yeah-yah! Audience, are you having a good time? (CHEERING) Gino, what do you do in Italy at Easter time? We don't do anything like the eggs and silly things on your hair.
We cook them.
This is my book and we do rabbit pie.
No! We don't have your tradition.
We have a different tradition.
In my household In your arsehole?! (LAUGHTER) In my household! You stick chocolate eggs up your arsehole? My household! You said it again! And you are doing this.
Not helping! Holly, how does he get away with it on This Morning? Honestly, I don't know.
In my household! (LAUGHTER) Household.
Arse.
Arse.
Oh, no, What am I saying?! (LAUGHTER) You do a show called Virtually Famous.
I do.
What does it consist of? It is about the Internet.
So you look at weird shit? We look at weird shit and then we make fun of it and then try to do some of it.
What is the weirdest shit you have ever seen? People who pop their zits.
Really? Yes.
It is disgusting.
Millions of people watch it.
I can't.
I have still never seen one.
Have you ever seen Holly and Fearne and one cup? (LAUGHTER) It is not rude, it is just Holly and Fearne and one cup.
I have not seen that.
We have got a picture.
There you go.
Holly and Fearne with one cup.
That's nice.
That is too classy There you go.
(LAUGHTER) Anyway, a couple of weeks ago we launched a campaign #WheresJuneSarpongGone? We can all breathe a sigh of relief because she is alive and well.
She recently popped up on Loose Women.
There she is.
Loose Women have been very kind to us.
We asked them if they could box her up and send June to us.
Would you believe it, she has just arrived.
Here she is, June Sarpong, everyone.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Where do I sign? This better not be a mistake, it better not be Daniel Bedingfield in here or I'll have to send him back.
I just have the parcel.
There you go.
Cheers.
Look at him acting, he is one of the production team trying to act! (LAUGHTER) Right then.
This is a lifelong dream.
Opening a big box with a crowbar.
No! What the fuck? It looks like we have lost her again, but there is some bread in here, which is very dangerous because she's wheat intolerant.
Apparently, if she eats bread, she will explode.
We need to find her.
There is a trail of white bread.
Who can help me find June Sarpong? I will do it.
I will find Miss Tampon.
(LAUGHTER) What is her name? June Tampon.
Sarpong.
Eh, Sarpong, Tampon.
Come on.
(LAUGHTER) You have an allotted time to find June Sarpong.
If you stop her from eating the bread, you could save her life.
I'm ready.
Go on the klaxon.
(KLAXON) Go on, Gino, follow the bread.
Find June Sarpong! Faster.
Yes.
Stop picking up and looking at the bread, they are all the same, what are you looking at them for? It's not got messages on.
I am just checking if there is a message on the bread.
June Sarpong was lost, Loose Women found her.
He is like Italian Mr Bean.
Come on, Gino, before she puts the bread in her mouth and explodes.
What's that? Holly's room.
Look at all of that booze.
What's that? That is Kevin's wheelchair.
You can't park your chair there, mate.
I think I've got it.
She has eaten all of the bread.
Have a look in there.
It is June Sarpong! Hello.
Don't eat the bread, it is bad for you.
Bring her back, Gino! I have to you say, Miss Tampon, it has been a pleasure.
Have you ever heard about Spanish fuckers? No.
Oh, my God, June Sarpong.
Here she is.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) We have found June Sarpong.
June Sarpong.
How are you? Crazy times, it was like the world was just wrong because you were missing.
To celebrate that you are here, we will play a game called Who Wants to Win June Sarpong? Rylan does.
Not the people, who knows what the people will do? They will win you as a team member.
Great.
Look at Rylan.
It is good to be a fan of someone, but she is just a person.
Darling.
She's not, she's June Sarpong.
I want you to buzz in if you know the answer.
Holly, what is your buzzer? Fearne, what is your buzzer? What show did June Sarpong used to present? Fearne's team.
Boys and girls? Incorrect.
Your Face or Mine.
(CHEERING) In which month was June Sarpong born? Fearne's team.
August? June! No, that is her name, you dickhead.
December.
When is your birthday? May 31st.
May! Name three words that rhyme with Sarpong.
Fearne's team.
Ping-pong.
Oh, yeah.
Sarong.
Yeah.
Andyou're wrong.
(CHEERING) (KLAXON) The winners of June Sarpong, who will take her home tonight to be on their team is Fearne's team.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Come on in.
The scores at the end of that round are, sha-ting! I honestly thought she had been killed.
Can I ask a question? Can you tie your own shoelaces? Yes.
Can you tie your own shoelaces if your hands were baked potatoes? Probably not.
Good.
You will like this game.
Let's play Hello and welcome to What the Fuck Are My Hands arena.
What we are going to do is give you a category and you will have to take on that challenge you have chosen.
It will not be as simple as that, your hands will be turned into different objects.
First of all, let's find out what the category is that you will be challenged with.
Let's press the category thing, selection thing.
That is pretty simple, eat and Easter egg.
Holly, have you ever eaten in Easter egg? Many.
You should be good at this.
Or will you be good at this because we will change your hands into a different object.
Let's find out what that object is.
And Spin the What the Fuck Are My Hands wheel.
Video cases.
Wow.
Without further ado, let's use some Easter magic and transform their hands into video cases.
Easter Bunny who is so very funny showing his punny, enjoying horse races, change their hands into video cases.
Oosh! We can see Holly has got a Sandra Bollocks box set.
Speed, which features Sandra Bollocks And also Miss Congeniality, that has Sandra Bollocks.
It is a slightly dodgy copy.
Kev has Mickey Blue Eyes.
Forget about it.
Also Babe, Pig in the City about the pig that can talk and wants to go into the city.
Cute.
So cute when it sings.
(MIMICS BABE) (LAUGHTER) Some very stereotypical Easter films.
All you've got to do is open the Easter egg, take a bite with your video case hands and you win a point for your team.
Go now! (KLAXON) God, this is really Rip it open.
You are watching ITV2.
We've got Kev from Glee with video case hands.
Look how quick.
Straight in there.
Ooh.
Ooh.
Kev's gonna do it.
Kev's done it! (CHEERING, KLAXON) That is a point to Fearne's team.
Well done, Kev.
Let's find out who is playing next.
OK.
Let's press the What the Fuck Are My Hands selection selector thing.
In this challenge, you have got to put on a full face of make-up - blusher, foundation, but what will your hands be? What the fuck will they be? I don't know.
Let's find out and spin the What the Fuck Are My Hands wheel.
It was very nearly poodles.
That would have been difficult.
Bread, we are going to turn your hands into bread.
Easter Bunny who is so very funny, turn their hands into bread.
Oosh! Wow.
We will go to an advert break.
Join us after when we will find out what happens.
It is a bit tense like Broadchurch.
See you after the break.
Coming up after t'break - (APPLAUSE) Hi, welcome back to our special Celebrity Juice Easter Special.
We are playing one of those oldie but goldie Easter classic games, What The Fuck Are My Hands? I'm joined by Fearne Cotton and Will Mellor.
As you can see, they've now got bread for hands.
But how will they be able to cope putting a full face of make-up on? Fearne, I've got to say you look very sexy with bread hands.
I can well imagine you sticking them up my arse and me coming straightaway.
Anyway.
Did I just say that out loud? I do apologise.
It's Easter.
Happy birthday, baby Jesus.
Welcome back! OK, the first person with a full face of make-up wins a point for their team.
You will goNOW! Oh, Will has dropped it already.
Fearne is used to putting make-up on.
She has to put it on to hide her horrible face.
She has gone for the foundation.
Will has got loads of tar on his face by the looks of it.
He's having trouble with the foundation.
Has he got it on? Oh, yeah, he looks beautiful.
He's got the blusher on.
Fearne is looking fit! They're slipping.
They're slipping.
That's your eye foundation.
(KLAXON) OK, OK.
(APPLAUSE) What have you? Somebody has shit on your face.
What did you just do? Is that residue that fell out of your arse? What the hell, man? I didn't know what was in that.
I thought it was like a base.
He's all about the base, no trouble.
But you are in trouble.
Look at the state of you! Wait till tomorrow morning.
You'll look like Peter Andre.
That's fake tan.
Well, judging by that, I would say the point goes to Fearne Cotton.
OK, let's find out who else is going to be playing What The Fuck Are My Hands, Boy? OK, let's find out what the challenge is.
It is going to be a simple task, I expect.
Eat cheese and crackers?! Easy.
We've all eaten cheese and crackers, haven't we? Is there anything you would like your hands to be turned into? Willies.
Willies? What about you, Gino? Vy-ginases.
What? Vy-ginases.
Willies and vy-ginaseses.
And if you shook each other's hands, it would be like you were making love.
Let's spin the What The Fuck Are My Hands Wheel.
(DRUMROLL) No way.
Feet! So your hands are going to be turned into feet.
Using the power of Easter magic, we will turn them into feet right now.
Easter Bunny, oh so very funny, show me you're punny.
I know you like meat, but change the hands into feet.
Boosh! For all you foot fetish freaks out there, you're gonna love this shit.
Rylan, this is the first time I've ever seen your hands match your face.
Behind Rylan we've got June Sarpong! It's June Sarpong! We lost and now we found her.
And we got Holly Willoughbooby behind Gino.
How do you feel having feet for hands? I don't care about the feet but, you know, I can tell you, having Holly's minge on my neck This is the best.
Just give all my money to charity right now.
You just be careful.
If I'm going to get a twitch, this is all going to go pear- Gino! Remember, Gino.
Gino, Holly's that freaky, you might lose your head.
OK.
What you've got to do is put a bit of cheese on a cracker and take a sip of some port.
Yes.
You will win a point for your team for the first person who does that.
You will go on the klaxon.
You will go (KLAXON) Now! OK, go for it.
Go on, June.
A little bit of that.
Go, go, go.
(HOLLY SHRIEKS) Now get the port.
(APPLAUSE) (KLAXON) That's a point for Holly's team.
That is the end of the round and the end of this week's Celebrity Juice.
Everyone come over here.
(APPLAUSE) Let's find out who the winning team is.
Gino, you haven't been on a winning team yet, have you? No, but this is the one.
Let's find out, let's find out.
(SHRIEKS) Hold on, hold on.
What are you doing? He thinks I'm giving birth to him.
Look at Fearne's face of disgust.
That will be you soon, Fearne.
Yep.
It will not.
Imagine if Gino came out! Tell you who the winning team is.
You're not going to believe it.
Congratulations, Gino, it's Fearne's team! (APPLAUSE) I was Keith Lemon.
If I don't see you through the week, I'll see you through a window.
Happy Easter! # You won't stop talking # Why don't you give it a rest? # You've got more rabbit than Sainsbury's # It's time you got it off your chest # Now you was just the kind of girl to break my heart in two # I knew right off when I first met my eyes on you # With your incessant talking, you're becoming a pest # Happy Easter!
Plush or what? There's Holly Willoughbooby coming out of a giant clam.
Still got them bangers, boys.
There's a Fearne Cotton with a bow and arrow.
Careful! That nearly went inside me.
And there's Gino D'Acampo with a tiny willy.
We are all in heaven but don't worry we're not dead, it's just an over-elaborate metaphor for how great this show is.
We are still here to make the best telly show on telly.
What is that's telly show on telly? Celebrity Juice on telly.
HD ready.
(APPLAUSE) Boom.
Boom.
Boom.
Boom.
Boom.
(SCREAMS) Hurrah! Hello.
Welcome to a special Celebrity Juice.
It's the special special.
Let's meet our Playboy bunnies.
First up, its Fearne Cotton.
Yeah, you look nice.
Thank you.
I like your chair.
Yes, an Easter chair.
It's discreet and subtle.
I wonder where its willy is? Do you like Easter? I do like Easter.
You look good.
You look like a Playboy bunny.
Thank you.
A pregnant one that has been kicked out of the mansion.
Oh, I was waiting, I was waiting for that.
Fearne, who is on your team? Well, he's going to be my big brother tonight, it's Rylan! (APPLAUSE) And he's back for more, Glee star, Kevin McHale.
(APPLAUSE) Lovely team.
She's got a cracking pair of hot cross buns, it's Holly Willoughbooby! (CHEERING) Hi.
Now you proper look like one of them Playboy bunnies.
What's a famous bunny? Thumper.
Who's on your team? Well, on my right, he's decided to join my team again this week, it's Gino D'Acampo! And on my left, it's the very gorgeous Will Mellor.
Gino? Yes? First up, I want to know why you're on for Holly's team.
Last week you were on Fearne's team.
He's a jinx, he makes every team lose.
You can have him.
He's back on the winning team which, to be fair, you just m It's true because, you know, I lost first with you and then with Fearne, I'm just taking my chances.
Can you just say that again in English? (LAUGHTER) I tell you what, because it's an Easter special, we have got some very special friends in the studio.
There's some Easter bunnies down there, if you can see them.
Aw! Yes, it's cute isn't it? Really font color=" Do you like the Easter set? It's nice, yeah? (CHEERING) Kevin? What's Easter like in America? I bet it's all crazy, you all dressed as bunnies and shit.
Yeah, yeah, everything.
Do you do the whole egg thing in Ame We are bitches about it.
You get these tiny, little dinky ones.
Look at this one.
That's a small one.
font color=" That's a small one, yeah.
I get told that a lot.
(LAUGHTER) Do you know Will Mellor? I just met him.
Over here in England, he is like the equivalent of Tom Cruise.
Are you? No-one clapped.
That's amazing.
First of all, tell Kevin some of the things you've been in.
What? Some of the things you've been in.
I'm not Gino D'Acampo.
You come from the same neck of the woods as me.
Hollyoaks.
Remember Hollyoaks? (CHEERING) Oww! Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps.
(CHEERING) There he is.
What else have you been in? There was a series called Broadchurch.
Broadchurch.
That's being made in America.
It failed.
Has it? (LAUGHTER) No, no, no, no! I meant the opposite by that.
Every time we make something that worked here, we fuck it up.
What do you think the secret of your success is? Or generically, success? To have such a long career.
That was a proper question, wasn't it? Do you want a proper answer? Yeah.
No, I just don't know, I have been very lucky.
I think, you know - I don't like that.
No, no, go on.
I think I have made some choices that have worked - That's No, actually, what is the answer though? You can fuck off now.
(CHEERING) Rylan Clarke, you can find them in the dark for his very white teeth You're married now, aren't you? I'm not married.
You engaged? Yes, I'm engaged.
Congratulations.
Oh, look.
Dan Neil? Dan, yeah.
Is that his real name or is it just what you say to him - Dan, kneel! (LAUGHTER) # Kevin McHale, did you come by rail to Celebrity Juice? # I walked.
Welcome back to Celebrity Juice.
How's it going? It's going well.
Yes, it's Easter.
You keep going.
Don't mind me.
Kev, you keep eating.
You played Artie in Glee.
Yes.
It's about people singing in choirs, yeah? We have a cooler version, but in Britain, it's called Songs of Praise.
Have you heard of Songs of Praise? No.
We don't have the celebrity cameos like you do in Glee.
Tell us about some of the cameos you have had on Glee.
Who have you had on? We have had Gwyneth Paltrow.
Actually, I saw Glee live on the telly and she looked fit.
She is a good singer, isn't she? Yes.
I pumped my fist to that.
You used to be in a boy band before you did Glee.
We all make mistakes.
We have got a picture.
There you are.
That's amazing.
Where did you get in the charts? In the boy Run VT.
# It's a shame # You promised that you were my best friend # Was it all for nothing? # You had that Emma Bunton rabbit thing going on.
That didn't get in the charts.
Let's have a look at your rabbit nose again.
What do you reckon? I thought that was good.
It looked like high production.
I wonder how much Will spent on this one? # You know I'm waiting until you # Give me the right to make you mine # (APPLAUSE) We have showed that once before when he was on Through T'Keyhole.
Teasing for ages.
"We've got it, we haven't got it, we've got it.
" A bit like when we had Rylan one last time on Celebrity Juice, when you were singing.
Have a look at this.
Fucking arsehole! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Kevin's face - "Who's that little ginger kid?" You know what, Will, you were one of the first people I ever interviewed when I was about 15.
I remember it.
What, on top of a garage roof? Wouldn't it be embarrassing to see you interviewing him back in the day? All you on Disney club or whatever it was you did.
Let's have a look.
You're joking! Hi, my name is Fearne Cotton and I am 16 years old.
My friend nominated me for this competition and I love to dance, sing and act.
I have wanted to work in TV since I can remember.
I love Taylor Hanson and Brad Pitt and I live on fruit pastels.
I hope to speak to you soon.
Bye.
(LAUGHS) Fearne, imagine if you were on telly and your boob popped out.
It would be horrible to watch it, wouldn't it? Go on, Duncan! (APPLAUSE) That is the best ever.
It's time for to go show Keith Your Teeth! OK, this is a word association game.
You mustn't stutter, you mustn't repeat, you mustn't hesitate.
We are a little bit worried about Rylan for this game.
Why do you think we are playing? OK, the subject is different names for boobs.
Muh-buh.
(LAUGHTER) Ihs.
Muh-pap.
Carpets.
Fuck off! Show us your carpets! I've never heard of that one.
That is a thing.
Mee-pop-hol-der.
What? Me-pop, me-pop.
Nipple! How can you have 'cans' and I can't have 'carpet'? AUDIENCE: Yes! AUDIENCE: No! (BUZZER) Spanish pukker.
Spanish fuckers? (BUZZER) Spanish fuckers.
In Italy, we call them spagnole, it's when you put your willy into the tits.
Boo-boo-boo Bollocks.
(BUZZER) That makes Holly Willoughbooby the winner! Yay! And the scores at the end of that round are We're going to go to an ad break now.
I'll see you in three.
Coming up, June Sarpong, everyone.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Hurrah! Welcome back to an Easter special.
Are you having a good time? (CHEERING) Are you having a good time? Yeah-yah! Audience, are you having a good time? (CHEERING) Gino, what do you do in Italy at Easter time? We don't do anything like the eggs and silly things on your hair.
We cook them.
This is my book and we do rabbit pie.
No! We don't have your tradition.
We have a different tradition.
In my household In your arsehole?! (LAUGHTER) In my household! You stick chocolate eggs up your arsehole? My household! You said it again! And you are doing this.
Not helping! Holly, how does he get away with it on This Morning? Honestly, I don't know.
In my household! (LAUGHTER) Household.
Arse.
Arse.
Oh, no, What am I saying?! (LAUGHTER) You do a show called Virtually Famous.
I do.
What does it consist of? It is about the Internet.
So you look at weird shit? We look at weird shit and then we make fun of it and then try to do some of it.
What is the weirdest shit you have ever seen? People who pop their zits.
Really? Yes.
It is disgusting.
Millions of people watch it.
I can't.
I have still never seen one.
Have you ever seen Holly and Fearne and one cup? (LAUGHTER) It is not rude, it is just Holly and Fearne and one cup.
I have not seen that.
We have got a picture.
There you go.
Holly and Fearne with one cup.
That's nice.
That is too classy There you go.
(LAUGHTER) Anyway, a couple of weeks ago we launched a campaign #WheresJuneSarpongGone? We can all breathe a sigh of relief because she is alive and well.
She recently popped up on Loose Women.
There she is.
Loose Women have been very kind to us.
We asked them if they could box her up and send June to us.
Would you believe it, she has just arrived.
Here she is, June Sarpong, everyone.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Where do I sign? This better not be a mistake, it better not be Daniel Bedingfield in here or I'll have to send him back.
I just have the parcel.
There you go.
Cheers.
Look at him acting, he is one of the production team trying to act! (LAUGHTER) Right then.
This is a lifelong dream.
Opening a big box with a crowbar.
No! What the fuck? It looks like we have lost her again, but there is some bread in here, which is very dangerous because she's wheat intolerant.
Apparently, if she eats bread, she will explode.
We need to find her.
There is a trail of white bread.
Who can help me find June Sarpong? I will do it.
I will find Miss Tampon.
(LAUGHTER) What is her name? June Tampon.
Sarpong.
Eh, Sarpong, Tampon.
Come on.
(LAUGHTER) You have an allotted time to find June Sarpong.
If you stop her from eating the bread, you could save her life.
I'm ready.
Go on the klaxon.
(KLAXON) Go on, Gino, follow the bread.
Find June Sarpong! Faster.
Yes.
Stop picking up and looking at the bread, they are all the same, what are you looking at them for? It's not got messages on.
I am just checking if there is a message on the bread.
June Sarpong was lost, Loose Women found her.
He is like Italian Mr Bean.
Come on, Gino, before she puts the bread in her mouth and explodes.
What's that? Holly's room.
Look at all of that booze.
What's that? That is Kevin's wheelchair.
You can't park your chair there, mate.
I think I've got it.
She has eaten all of the bread.
Have a look in there.
It is June Sarpong! Hello.
Don't eat the bread, it is bad for you.
Bring her back, Gino! I have to you say, Miss Tampon, it has been a pleasure.
Have you ever heard about Spanish fuckers? No.
Oh, my God, June Sarpong.
Here she is.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) We have found June Sarpong.
June Sarpong.
How are you? Crazy times, it was like the world was just wrong because you were missing.
To celebrate that you are here, we will play a game called Who Wants to Win June Sarpong? Rylan does.
Not the people, who knows what the people will do? They will win you as a team member.
Great.
Look at Rylan.
It is good to be a fan of someone, but she is just a person.
Darling.
She's not, she's June Sarpong.
I want you to buzz in if you know the answer.
Holly, what is your buzzer? Fearne, what is your buzzer? What show did June Sarpong used to present? Fearne's team.
Boys and girls? Incorrect.
Your Face or Mine.
(CHEERING) In which month was June Sarpong born? Fearne's team.
August? June! No, that is her name, you dickhead.
December.
When is your birthday? May 31st.
May! Name three words that rhyme with Sarpong.
Fearne's team.
Ping-pong.
Oh, yeah.
Sarong.
Yeah.
Andyou're wrong.
(CHEERING) (KLAXON) The winners of June Sarpong, who will take her home tonight to be on their team is Fearne's team.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Come on in.
The scores at the end of that round are, sha-ting! I honestly thought she had been killed.
Can I ask a question? Can you tie your own shoelaces? Yes.
Can you tie your own shoelaces if your hands were baked potatoes? Probably not.
Good.
You will like this game.
Let's play Hello and welcome to What the Fuck Are My Hands arena.
What we are going to do is give you a category and you will have to take on that challenge you have chosen.
It will not be as simple as that, your hands will be turned into different objects.
First of all, let's find out what the category is that you will be challenged with.
Let's press the category thing, selection thing.
That is pretty simple, eat and Easter egg.
Holly, have you ever eaten in Easter egg? Many.
You should be good at this.
Or will you be good at this because we will change your hands into a different object.
Let's find out what that object is.
And Spin the What the Fuck Are My Hands wheel.
Video cases.
Wow.
Without further ado, let's use some Easter magic and transform their hands into video cases.
Easter Bunny who is so very funny showing his punny, enjoying horse races, change their hands into video cases.
Oosh! We can see Holly has got a Sandra Bollocks box set.
Speed, which features Sandra Bollocks And also Miss Congeniality, that has Sandra Bollocks.
It is a slightly dodgy copy.
Kev has Mickey Blue Eyes.
Forget about it.
Also Babe, Pig in the City about the pig that can talk and wants to go into the city.
Cute.
So cute when it sings.
(MIMICS BABE) (LAUGHTER) Some very stereotypical Easter films.
All you've got to do is open the Easter egg, take a bite with your video case hands and you win a point for your team.
Go now! (KLAXON) God, this is really Rip it open.
You are watching ITV2.
We've got Kev from Glee with video case hands.
Look how quick.
Straight in there.
Ooh.
Ooh.
Kev's gonna do it.
Kev's done it! (CHEERING, KLAXON) That is a point to Fearne's team.
Well done, Kev.
Let's find out who is playing next.
OK.
Let's press the What the Fuck Are My Hands selection selector thing.
In this challenge, you have got to put on a full face of make-up - blusher, foundation, but what will your hands be? What the fuck will they be? I don't know.
Let's find out and spin the What the Fuck Are My Hands wheel.
It was very nearly poodles.
That would have been difficult.
Bread, we are going to turn your hands into bread.
Easter Bunny who is so very funny, turn their hands into bread.
Oosh! Wow.
We will go to an advert break.
Join us after when we will find out what happens.
It is a bit tense like Broadchurch.
See you after the break.
Coming up after t'break - (APPLAUSE) Hi, welcome back to our special Celebrity Juice Easter Special.
We are playing one of those oldie but goldie Easter classic games, What The Fuck Are My Hands? I'm joined by Fearne Cotton and Will Mellor.
As you can see, they've now got bread for hands.
But how will they be able to cope putting a full face of make-up on? Fearne, I've got to say you look very sexy with bread hands.
I can well imagine you sticking them up my arse and me coming straightaway.
Anyway.
Did I just say that out loud? I do apologise.
It's Easter.
Happy birthday, baby Jesus.
Welcome back! OK, the first person with a full face of make-up wins a point for their team.
You will goNOW! Oh, Will has dropped it already.
Fearne is used to putting make-up on.
She has to put it on to hide her horrible face.
She has gone for the foundation.
Will has got loads of tar on his face by the looks of it.
He's having trouble with the foundation.
Has he got it on? Oh, yeah, he looks beautiful.
He's got the blusher on.
Fearne is looking fit! They're slipping.
They're slipping.
That's your eye foundation.
(KLAXON) OK, OK.
(APPLAUSE) What have you? Somebody has shit on your face.
What did you just do? Is that residue that fell out of your arse? What the hell, man? I didn't know what was in that.
I thought it was like a base.
He's all about the base, no trouble.
But you are in trouble.
Look at the state of you! Wait till tomorrow morning.
You'll look like Peter Andre.
That's fake tan.
Well, judging by that, I would say the point goes to Fearne Cotton.
OK, let's find out who else is going to be playing What The Fuck Are My Hands, Boy? OK, let's find out what the challenge is.
It is going to be a simple task, I expect.
Eat cheese and crackers?! Easy.
We've all eaten cheese and crackers, haven't we? Is there anything you would like your hands to be turned into? Willies.
Willies? What about you, Gino? Vy-ginases.
What? Vy-ginases.
Willies and vy-ginaseses.
And if you shook each other's hands, it would be like you were making love.
Let's spin the What The Fuck Are My Hands Wheel.
(DRUMROLL) No way.
Feet! So your hands are going to be turned into feet.
Using the power of Easter magic, we will turn them into feet right now.
Easter Bunny, oh so very funny, show me you're punny.
I know you like meat, but change the hands into feet.
Boosh! For all you foot fetish freaks out there, you're gonna love this shit.
Rylan, this is the first time I've ever seen your hands match your face.
Behind Rylan we've got June Sarpong! It's June Sarpong! We lost and now we found her.
And we got Holly Willoughbooby behind Gino.
How do you feel having feet for hands? I don't care about the feet but, you know, I can tell you, having Holly's minge on my neck This is the best.
Just give all my money to charity right now.
You just be careful.
If I'm going to get a twitch, this is all going to go pear- Gino! Remember, Gino.
Gino, Holly's that freaky, you might lose your head.
OK.
What you've got to do is put a bit of cheese on a cracker and take a sip of some port.
Yes.
You will win a point for your team for the first person who does that.
You will go on the klaxon.
You will go (KLAXON) Now! OK, go for it.
Go on, June.
A little bit of that.
Go, go, go.
(HOLLY SHRIEKS) Now get the port.
(APPLAUSE) (KLAXON) That's a point for Holly's team.
That is the end of the round and the end of this week's Celebrity Juice.
Everyone come over here.
(APPLAUSE) Let's find out who the winning team is.
Gino, you haven't been on a winning team yet, have you? No, but this is the one.
Let's find out, let's find out.
(SHRIEKS) Hold on, hold on.
What are you doing? He thinks I'm giving birth to him.
Look at Fearne's face of disgust.
That will be you soon, Fearne.
Yep.
It will not.
Imagine if Gino came out! Tell you who the winning team is.
You're not going to believe it.
Congratulations, Gino, it's Fearne's team! (APPLAUSE) I was Keith Lemon.
If I don't see you through the week, I'll see you through a window.
Happy Easter! # You won't stop talking # Why don't you give it a rest? # You've got more rabbit than Sainsbury's # It's time you got it off your chest # Now you was just the kind of girl to break my heart in two # I knew right off when I first met my eyes on you # With your incessant talking, you're becoming a pest # Happy Easter!