Clarence US (2014) s01e13 Episode Script
Man of the House
1 I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! Featuring the number-one champion driver, Rake Backburn! Medieval competition with an all-american carbon footprint! Did someone mention feet? Ka-blam! Be there.
- To the joust! To the joust! - Rake! Rake! - Okay, bye already.
- Where's my purse? Uh, I don't know.
Did you look on the table? It's right by the door! I put it there for you! Oh, thanks, Clarence.
- Wait! Where's my purse? - Chad, you don't have a purse.
Well, what's that little purse called? Wallet? It's right here! Come on, you goofs.
You don't want to be late for your monster-truck-jousting-rally date thing.
- So, you have my cell? - Yep.
- You have Chad's cell? - Yep.
- Grandma's cell? - Yes.
I got all the numbers in the whole world, just right here.
Huh? Oh, yeah.
Um, you're the man of the house tonight, buddy.
Your first night alone.
That means you got to stand up, um, t-take charge And make sure the house is still here when we're back.
Ha-ha.
Think you can handle it? Yes, sir.
I was born to handle this.
Are you sure you don't want to come, Clarence.
Nah.
I think I just need a nice, quiet night by myself.
Just me and my toys.
Probably gonna go to bed early.
Okay.
See you later.
All right, they're gone.
Come on out! Oh, yeah.
You guys are in-couch-nito.
You couldn't have found a cleaner hiding spot? Hey, that fixed my back! All right, guys, welcome to Freedomtown, U.
S.
A.
! Home alone for the whole entire night.
We can do anything that we want! - Wow! - Anything we want.
Anything we want.
Anything we want.
Ah-ah-ah! Full dog house.
Read 'em and weep.
Anything we want? Anything I want? I'm the general this is what you get Let's do some fun stuff now.
Pinned down.
I'm cut off my from my platoon.
I haven't eaten food in three days.
The bad guys are right around the corner, but I got plenty of ammo.
Take that! He has the waffles.
He's pulling them apart.
Here's the wind-up.
The pitch.
Touchdown! Toy-nado! Hey, Clarence, you're out of vacuum bags.
Whoo-hoo! Yeah! Rake! Rake, over here! Yeah, yeah! Oh! I love you! I'm Rake.
Joust! Whoa! Clarence, are you naked? Touchdown! Come on, Clarence.
Don't take all day.
Are you sure, guys? Should Should I go? For cryin' out loud! It's 63% safe! Okay.
I'm doing it, by gosh.
Here goes.
The house is yours now, slugger.
I'm signing over the deed to you, champ.
But remember, sport, you must protect it at all costs.
This, Clarence, is of the utmost importance.
- We all believe in you so much.
- Yes, sir! - You can count on me! - Who are you talking to? Yeah, who are you talking to? No more breaking stuff, okay, guys? Chad just told me I got to protect the house.
When? Did he just call you? Home protection? Hey, we should watch that one show.
I'm Don Delaio and I'm the best.
Welcome to my world.
Maximum lockdown! Are you safe?! - Um - Do you have enough canned goods in case of an emergency-lockdown situation? - Yeah, I think so.
- Well, a burglar could be waiting to break in and threaten your very way of life.
Do you want your family's freedoms taken away from you?! - No! - Don't let your guard down.
Be on the lookout.
We'll be back after these messages.
Is anything else on? Oh, it was just the power going out.
It's an intruder! He's probably trying to threaten my way of life.
- We better call an adult.
- He probably wants to take away my freedoms, just like Chad warned me.
Hello? Are you an adult? Can't trust adults.
We're on our own.
We got to lock this place down.
Don't worry, Chad.
I won't let you down.
You better not, chief.
Oh, yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah! Rake! Rake! Oh.
Oh.
- All right, no.
- Oh.
All right, monster-truck fans! All you out there with V.
I.
P.
passes, line up backstage to meet Rake Backburn.
Please don't show him your feet.
Oh, I wish we had backstage passes.
Let's see.
Uh, general admission.
Food pa Where are they? Oh, no! Chad messed up again # - Uh, I'll be right back.
- Whoo! Rake! Did ya say something, Chad? - Jeff, Sumo, let's see those man traps.
- Easy.
Darling, you look marble-ous! Glue da man! Welcome to the dressing room.
You better chili out! Rice try.
Pasta la vista, baby! I'd like to see that burger get in here now.
I think you mean burglar, though.
That's what I said, burger.
Like the ham-burger that guy what steals burgers on TV.
Well, it's pronounced burglar, but we probably don't - have anything to worry about.
- Except for that guy! A burger! We should turn off all the lights.
Wait.
He probably already saw us already.
We're so dead! Keep it together.
This is our time to shine.
False alarm, guys.
I think it's just Chad.
- Hey, guys! - Wait a minute! If he comes in here, he's gonna set off all the traps! We're gonna kill Chad! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Clarence? You got friends over? Don't worry.
I won't tell your mom.
I just got to grab something.
Pete's sake! Uh-oh.
He's trying the back door.
Not the poison doughnuts! Come on, guys.
No one's in trouble.
I just got to look for something.
Okay, we just got to get him in and out as fast as possible without setting off any traps.
You guys getting in trouble in here? I'm hip to it.
Trouble? Oh, what? Trouble? - Nah, not at all.
- Whoa! J-Just kidding there, little man.
Uh, where'd I leave those passes? Oh, I know The bathroom.
The bathroom! - Whoa! - N-Nothing to see.
Wait, no.
I left them in the garage.
Oh, no! Uh - Maybe they're in the bedroom.
- My eyes, my eyes! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Hello, worm.
No.
Did I leave them in the kitchen? Or the attic? I don't know.
Let's see.
Uh dining room.
Dining room? Cellar? Study? The billiard room? - Here they are.
- Thanks.
- Wait! No! - Stay out of trouble.
Noooooo! Good job, guys.
Nobody died.
Hey, I almost forgot to tell you guy Oh! Oh! Hey, it worked.
You, tell the hospital that we're coming! You, open those ambulance doors! You're gonna be fine, Chad.
Clear! Get out of here, kid.
Give him all the medicine that you got, right into those legs! Chad, you're gonna be just fine.
Just don't fall asleep or you'll die.
You know, Clarence, I was worried you couldn't handle being on your own, but you really took charge tonight.
It's all part of being man of the house.
Well, that was very responsible.
Okay, let's say goodnight to Mr.
Backburn - and go inside the house.
- Mm Oh my Clarence! Can you drop me off at the circus? She'll be fine after a couple more laps.
- To the joust! To the joust! - Rake! Rake! - Okay, bye already.
- Where's my purse? Uh, I don't know.
Did you look on the table? It's right by the door! I put it there for you! Oh, thanks, Clarence.
- Wait! Where's my purse? - Chad, you don't have a purse.
Well, what's that little purse called? Wallet? It's right here! Come on, you goofs.
You don't want to be late for your monster-truck-jousting-rally date thing.
- So, you have my cell? - Yep.
- You have Chad's cell? - Yep.
- Grandma's cell? - Yes.
I got all the numbers in the whole world, just right here.
Huh? Oh, yeah.
Um, you're the man of the house tonight, buddy.
Your first night alone.
That means you got to stand up, um, t-take charge And make sure the house is still here when we're back.
Ha-ha.
Think you can handle it? Yes, sir.
I was born to handle this.
Are you sure you don't want to come, Clarence.
Nah.
I think I just need a nice, quiet night by myself.
Just me and my toys.
Probably gonna go to bed early.
Okay.
See you later.
All right, they're gone.
Come on out! Oh, yeah.
You guys are in-couch-nito.
You couldn't have found a cleaner hiding spot? Hey, that fixed my back! All right, guys, welcome to Freedomtown, U.
S.
A.
! Home alone for the whole entire night.
We can do anything that we want! - Wow! - Anything we want.
Anything we want.
Anything we want.
Ah-ah-ah! Full dog house.
Read 'em and weep.
Anything we want? Anything I want? I'm the general this is what you get Let's do some fun stuff now.
Pinned down.
I'm cut off my from my platoon.
I haven't eaten food in three days.
The bad guys are right around the corner, but I got plenty of ammo.
Take that! He has the waffles.
He's pulling them apart.
Here's the wind-up.
The pitch.
Touchdown! Toy-nado! Hey, Clarence, you're out of vacuum bags.
Whoo-hoo! Yeah! Rake! Rake, over here! Yeah, yeah! Oh! I love you! I'm Rake.
Joust! Whoa! Clarence, are you naked? Touchdown! Come on, Clarence.
Don't take all day.
Are you sure, guys? Should Should I go? For cryin' out loud! It's 63% safe! Okay.
I'm doing it, by gosh.
Here goes.
The house is yours now, slugger.
I'm signing over the deed to you, champ.
But remember, sport, you must protect it at all costs.
This, Clarence, is of the utmost importance.
- We all believe in you so much.
- Yes, sir! - You can count on me! - Who are you talking to? Yeah, who are you talking to? No more breaking stuff, okay, guys? Chad just told me I got to protect the house.
When? Did he just call you? Home protection? Hey, we should watch that one show.
I'm Don Delaio and I'm the best.
Welcome to my world.
Maximum lockdown! Are you safe?! - Um - Do you have enough canned goods in case of an emergency-lockdown situation? - Yeah, I think so.
- Well, a burglar could be waiting to break in and threaten your very way of life.
Do you want your family's freedoms taken away from you?! - No! - Don't let your guard down.
Be on the lookout.
We'll be back after these messages.
Is anything else on? Oh, it was just the power going out.
It's an intruder! He's probably trying to threaten my way of life.
- We better call an adult.
- He probably wants to take away my freedoms, just like Chad warned me.
Hello? Are you an adult? Can't trust adults.
We're on our own.
We got to lock this place down.
Don't worry, Chad.
I won't let you down.
You better not, chief.
Oh, yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah! Rake! Rake! Oh.
Oh.
- All right, no.
- Oh.
All right, monster-truck fans! All you out there with V.
I.
P.
passes, line up backstage to meet Rake Backburn.
Please don't show him your feet.
Oh, I wish we had backstage passes.
Let's see.
Uh, general admission.
Food pa Where are they? Oh, no! Chad messed up again # - Uh, I'll be right back.
- Whoo! Rake! Did ya say something, Chad? - Jeff, Sumo, let's see those man traps.
- Easy.
Darling, you look marble-ous! Glue da man! Welcome to the dressing room.
You better chili out! Rice try.
Pasta la vista, baby! I'd like to see that burger get in here now.
I think you mean burglar, though.
That's what I said, burger.
Like the ham-burger that guy what steals burgers on TV.
Well, it's pronounced burglar, but we probably don't - have anything to worry about.
- Except for that guy! A burger! We should turn off all the lights.
Wait.
He probably already saw us already.
We're so dead! Keep it together.
This is our time to shine.
False alarm, guys.
I think it's just Chad.
- Hey, guys! - Wait a minute! If he comes in here, he's gonna set off all the traps! We're gonna kill Chad! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Clarence? You got friends over? Don't worry.
I won't tell your mom.
I just got to grab something.
Pete's sake! Uh-oh.
He's trying the back door.
Not the poison doughnuts! Come on, guys.
No one's in trouble.
I just got to look for something.
Okay, we just got to get him in and out as fast as possible without setting off any traps.
You guys getting in trouble in here? I'm hip to it.
Trouble? Oh, what? Trouble? - Nah, not at all.
- Whoa! J-Just kidding there, little man.
Uh, where'd I leave those passes? Oh, I know The bathroom.
The bathroom! - Whoa! - N-Nothing to see.
Wait, no.
I left them in the garage.
Oh, no! Uh - Maybe they're in the bedroom.
- My eyes, my eyes! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Hello, worm.
No.
Did I leave them in the kitchen? Or the attic? I don't know.
Let's see.
Uh dining room.
Dining room? Cellar? Study? The billiard room? - Here they are.
- Thanks.
- Wait! No! - Stay out of trouble.
Noooooo! Good job, guys.
Nobody died.
Hey, I almost forgot to tell you guy Oh! Oh! Hey, it worked.
You, tell the hospital that we're coming! You, open those ambulance doors! You're gonna be fine, Chad.
Clear! Get out of here, kid.
Give him all the medicine that you got, right into those legs! Chad, you're gonna be just fine.
Just don't fall asleep or you'll die.
You know, Clarence, I was worried you couldn't handle being on your own, but you really took charge tonight.
It's all part of being man of the house.
Well, that was very responsible.
Okay, let's say goodnight to Mr.
Backburn - and go inside the house.
- Mm Oh my Clarence! Can you drop me off at the circus? She'll be fine after a couple more laps.