Clarence US (2014) s03e03 Episode Script
Clarence For President
1 [Remote clicks.]
[Upbeat music plays.]
I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! ["Hail to the Chief" plays.]
When you think about it, these are the branches of the government, okay? On our, um big constitutional tree.
Oh, which reminds me [Bell rings.]
[Kids cheer.]
Okay, wait! Before you go to lunch Ow! Darn it! I just want to remind everyone that we are having elections for class president this week.
The sign up sheet is over by the door.
The election is open so anyone can And no one cares.
[Wooden thud.]
Uh, Jeff.
Jeff? Jeff? [Echoes.]
Jeff.
[Echoes.]
- Jeff! - Huh? [Microphone feedback.]
Your rebuttal? Um, uh.
Uh, um.
W-Well, my stance on that, uh [Microphone feedback.]
- Ms.
Baker! - Aah! Oh! Jeff! I Jeff, hi.
You're still here.
Ms.
Baker, will the election this year be based on merit or? It's based on student votes, Jeff.
Just like last year.
[Sighs.]
Hey, Jeff, here.
- Vote for me or whatever.
- Oh, Belson, are you Why are you handing out gray circles? Having a class president is totally pointless.
So, vote for me and everything will stay the same.
Or don't, I don't care.
[Distant sobbing, sniffling.]
Good job, Amy! [Sobbing continues, yells.]
All right, he gets it.
[Indistinct chattering.]
Yeah.
Yogurt.
Sure.
Yep.
- Eat it! - Okay.
Down the hatch.
[Gulping.]
[Excited chatter.]
Hmm.
Clarence is quite the crowd pleaser.
He sure is! Boy: Oh, my goodness.
I had no idea a person could do that! Clarence, I'm gonna level with you Oh, hey, Jeff.
[Belches.]
the competition will be fierce, - but with me as your manager - Do you want a milk? I traded my lunch for everyone's milks.
[Grunts.]
No, thank you, Clarence.
Look, with you as president President? What do they do again? Oh, the president can do lots of things.
- Like build a castle on the roof? - Uh, yeah Yeah, sure.
And with me as your manager Could the president get a math tutor for Crendle? [Thud.]
Uh And could a president get a hair dresser for Amy? Oh, heck yeah.
Could a president get a loving family for Reed? [Quack!.]
Uh, well, some of those things.
I'll do it! I'm gonna be a man of the people! Whoo, yeah! [Slurps, gulps.]
["Hail to the Chief" plays.]
[Mouse clicks.]
[Mouse clicks.]
[Lever clicks.]
As president of Ms.
Baker's classroom 224, I'll promise to lead with courage and di-doginity and persevalence, and I'm gonna take things back to the way they used to be.
Whoo! Clarence for president! I want to give you a smooch.
And I'm gonna put more coal in the furnace.
And a math tutor for Crendle.
Whoo! Can I hear a Clarence? Huh? Huh? - [Gasps.]
It's me! - [Wind chimes tinkle.]
Yeah.
And there will be a milk for every man, woman, and child.
And no school forever! [Cheering.]
Yes.
That's how you give a speech.
Hey, Emilio, great speech back there, huh? Well, I just wanted to remind you who you should be voting for this season.
Okay, love you, baby.
Belson: What is this?! He's kissing bab He's not even a baby! This is propaganda.
I told you guys we aren't printing about the election! Belson, we've got a tight system going right now.
So you better get on board.
[Slurps.]
Clarence is just hot right now, I guess.
[Groans.]
Clarence is ruining everything.
Wait a minute Okay, for his campaign for presidency our very own Belson has prepared a campaign ad.
Huh? Fun.
Here's my ad, Belson for President, blah, blah, blah.
[As Clarence.]
Oh, hello, it's me, Clarence, and if elected class president, I'll make sure there's more homework for everybody.
[Gasping.]
[Gasps.]
And I'll reduce recess time.
[Gasps.]
And no more bathroom breaks and Saturday school every weekend.
- I love you.
- Okay.
Thank you, Belson.
A little mean spirited but but good extra curricular effort.
So that's, yeah.
I can't believe I said all that stuff.
That wasn't you Clarence.
That was an attack ad by Belson.
- And we need to attack back.
- Jeff, - Belson would never do that.
- But he did do it.
And we got to start thinking of ways to attack back.
- You got any dirt on him? - Dirt?! This campaign was built on a foundation of promises, not dirt! You need some dirt to create a proper foundation.
- Not those worthless promises.
- Worthless? What about the castle in the cloud? - Forget about the castle, Clarence.
- No! This is about winning at any cost.
Even if it means getting our hands dirty.
Nooo! [Thud.]
Now look at what you've done! - [Grunts.]
Jeff, you're fired! - What?! You can't fire me! You're nothing without me! I'll see how far you go, Clarence.
Have fun! What are you gonna do? Talk about milk some more? [Grunts.]
[Panting.]
Well, well, look who it is.
Come to make more fake promises? [Screams.]
[Laughs.]
Want to see what I think of Clarence? [Grunts.]
Yeah.
I'll show you more homework.
[Dramatic music playing.]
[Screams.]
[Pants.]
[Yells.]
[Screeching.]
[Wind whistles.]
Huh? ["Hail to the Chief" plays.]
Hmm Hmph.
[Indistinct chatter.]
Can you believe Clarence dropped Jeff? He's flying solo now.
[Makes monkey noises.]
Don't get me wrong, he's a good friend, but I knew he didn't have the grit to show up.
[Cellphone beeping.]
Oh, uh, mm, welcome everyone to Aberdale's 27th annual class president election! - Yay! - Uh, thank you.
[Clears throat.]
Now, let's have a few words from our first candidate, Belson Noles! Belson? [Clears throat.]
Thank you, Ms.
Baker.
I'm happy to be with you all tonight.
Because this whole election is a vessel for misery.
If you vote for me, nothing will change.
Because the system is meaningless.
So vote for me, or don't.
I don't care.
Thank you.
[Laughs.]
Belson's tight! [Cheers and applause.]
Uh, and now for our second candidate, Clarence! - Clarence, your rebuttal? - Oh, this'll be good.
[Sighs.]
[Microphone feedback.]
[Clears throat.]
[Singing off-key.]
# Oh, say can you see # By the dawn's early light What so proudly we saw [Mumbles.]
night And the rocket's red glare By the dawns of the brave Um, okay.
Thank you, Clarence.
[Thunderous cheering.]
He's just pandering to nationalism! You're all blinded by national pride! ["Hail to the Chief" plays.]
Meh.
[Clarence laughs.]
[Grunts.]
Clarence, as the new class president, you'll lead us in the morning announcements.
Ms.
Baker, please take a seat.
No, Clarence, I'm the teacher, you can't tell me what to do.
- Just because you're the president - Shh! Ms.
Baker, you've done enough teaching today.
Please join the rest of the class.
[Sighs.]
All right, well, that's not [Clears throat.]
Ladies and gentlemen, as my first act as class president, I renounce my presidency.
[All gasp.]
Yeah, finally someone gets it! It's silly for me to carry out all those worthless promises.
- Hmm? - Because I can't do all of that by myself.
But as a group, as a strong powerful team, we know we know deep down, we can accomplish something amazing! What are you talking about, man? So let's all band together and build a castle on the roof! [Cheering.]
[Eagle screeches, rock music playing.]
Yeah! Whoo! Come on! You want to put another zero, like this.
Nice and round.
Isn't math fun? I'm as beautiful on the outside as I am on the inside.
[Laughs.]
We're your family now, Reed! Who wants a hug? [Quack!.]
[All groan.]
- Girl: Okay.
- Boy: Ow.
Thank you.
Smells like cheese.
Hey, Clarence? I just came by because I wanted to apologize for the way I was acting.
It's okay, Jeff.
Look, it's the sash.
I have it in my secret pocket, right here.
- Here.
- Yeah, I'm not touching that.
I-I have a better idea.
Who needs a dumb old president any way? [Laughs.]
Yeah.
Who does need one? Working together is the key to success We'll put our differences aside and we will triumph Early to bed Early to rise Picking my nose
[Upbeat music plays.]
I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! ["Hail to the Chief" plays.]
When you think about it, these are the branches of the government, okay? On our, um big constitutional tree.
Oh, which reminds me [Bell rings.]
[Kids cheer.]
Okay, wait! Before you go to lunch Ow! Darn it! I just want to remind everyone that we are having elections for class president this week.
The sign up sheet is over by the door.
The election is open so anyone can And no one cares.
[Wooden thud.]
Uh, Jeff.
Jeff? Jeff? [Echoes.]
Jeff.
[Echoes.]
- Jeff! - Huh? [Microphone feedback.]
Your rebuttal? Um, uh.
Uh, um.
W-Well, my stance on that, uh [Microphone feedback.]
- Ms.
Baker! - Aah! Oh! Jeff! I Jeff, hi.
You're still here.
Ms.
Baker, will the election this year be based on merit or? It's based on student votes, Jeff.
Just like last year.
[Sighs.]
Hey, Jeff, here.
- Vote for me or whatever.
- Oh, Belson, are you Why are you handing out gray circles? Having a class president is totally pointless.
So, vote for me and everything will stay the same.
Or don't, I don't care.
[Distant sobbing, sniffling.]
Good job, Amy! [Sobbing continues, yells.]
All right, he gets it.
[Indistinct chattering.]
Yeah.
Yogurt.
Sure.
Yep.
- Eat it! - Okay.
Down the hatch.
[Gulping.]
[Excited chatter.]
Hmm.
Clarence is quite the crowd pleaser.
He sure is! Boy: Oh, my goodness.
I had no idea a person could do that! Clarence, I'm gonna level with you Oh, hey, Jeff.
[Belches.]
the competition will be fierce, - but with me as your manager - Do you want a milk? I traded my lunch for everyone's milks.
[Grunts.]
No, thank you, Clarence.
Look, with you as president President? What do they do again? Oh, the president can do lots of things.
- Like build a castle on the roof? - Uh, yeah Yeah, sure.
And with me as your manager Could the president get a math tutor for Crendle? [Thud.]
Uh And could a president get a hair dresser for Amy? Oh, heck yeah.
Could a president get a loving family for Reed? [Quack!.]
Uh, well, some of those things.
I'll do it! I'm gonna be a man of the people! Whoo, yeah! [Slurps, gulps.]
["Hail to the Chief" plays.]
[Mouse clicks.]
[Mouse clicks.]
[Lever clicks.]
As president of Ms.
Baker's classroom 224, I'll promise to lead with courage and di-doginity and persevalence, and I'm gonna take things back to the way they used to be.
Whoo! Clarence for president! I want to give you a smooch.
And I'm gonna put more coal in the furnace.
And a math tutor for Crendle.
Whoo! Can I hear a Clarence? Huh? Huh? - [Gasps.]
It's me! - [Wind chimes tinkle.]
Yeah.
And there will be a milk for every man, woman, and child.
And no school forever! [Cheering.]
Yes.
That's how you give a speech.
Hey, Emilio, great speech back there, huh? Well, I just wanted to remind you who you should be voting for this season.
Okay, love you, baby.
Belson: What is this?! He's kissing bab He's not even a baby! This is propaganda.
I told you guys we aren't printing about the election! Belson, we've got a tight system going right now.
So you better get on board.
[Slurps.]
Clarence is just hot right now, I guess.
[Groans.]
Clarence is ruining everything.
Wait a minute Okay, for his campaign for presidency our very own Belson has prepared a campaign ad.
Huh? Fun.
Here's my ad, Belson for President, blah, blah, blah.
[As Clarence.]
Oh, hello, it's me, Clarence, and if elected class president, I'll make sure there's more homework for everybody.
[Gasping.]
[Gasps.]
And I'll reduce recess time.
[Gasps.]
And no more bathroom breaks and Saturday school every weekend.
- I love you.
- Okay.
Thank you, Belson.
A little mean spirited but but good extra curricular effort.
So that's, yeah.
I can't believe I said all that stuff.
That wasn't you Clarence.
That was an attack ad by Belson.
- And we need to attack back.
- Jeff, - Belson would never do that.
- But he did do it.
And we got to start thinking of ways to attack back.
- You got any dirt on him? - Dirt?! This campaign was built on a foundation of promises, not dirt! You need some dirt to create a proper foundation.
- Not those worthless promises.
- Worthless? What about the castle in the cloud? - Forget about the castle, Clarence.
- No! This is about winning at any cost.
Even if it means getting our hands dirty.
Nooo! [Thud.]
Now look at what you've done! - [Grunts.]
Jeff, you're fired! - What?! You can't fire me! You're nothing without me! I'll see how far you go, Clarence.
Have fun! What are you gonna do? Talk about milk some more? [Grunts.]
[Panting.]
Well, well, look who it is.
Come to make more fake promises? [Screams.]
[Laughs.]
Want to see what I think of Clarence? [Grunts.]
Yeah.
I'll show you more homework.
[Dramatic music playing.]
[Screams.]
[Pants.]
[Yells.]
[Screeching.]
[Wind whistles.]
Huh? ["Hail to the Chief" plays.]
Hmm Hmph.
[Indistinct chatter.]
Can you believe Clarence dropped Jeff? He's flying solo now.
[Makes monkey noises.]
Don't get me wrong, he's a good friend, but I knew he didn't have the grit to show up.
[Cellphone beeping.]
Oh, uh, mm, welcome everyone to Aberdale's 27th annual class president election! - Yay! - Uh, thank you.
[Clears throat.]
Now, let's have a few words from our first candidate, Belson Noles! Belson? [Clears throat.]
Thank you, Ms.
Baker.
I'm happy to be with you all tonight.
Because this whole election is a vessel for misery.
If you vote for me, nothing will change.
Because the system is meaningless.
So vote for me, or don't.
I don't care.
Thank you.
[Laughs.]
Belson's tight! [Cheers and applause.]
Uh, and now for our second candidate, Clarence! - Clarence, your rebuttal? - Oh, this'll be good.
[Sighs.]
[Microphone feedback.]
[Clears throat.]
[Singing off-key.]
# Oh, say can you see # By the dawn's early light What so proudly we saw [Mumbles.]
night And the rocket's red glare By the dawns of the brave Um, okay.
Thank you, Clarence.
[Thunderous cheering.]
He's just pandering to nationalism! You're all blinded by national pride! ["Hail to the Chief" plays.]
Meh.
[Clarence laughs.]
[Grunts.]
Clarence, as the new class president, you'll lead us in the morning announcements.
Ms.
Baker, please take a seat.
No, Clarence, I'm the teacher, you can't tell me what to do.
- Just because you're the president - Shh! Ms.
Baker, you've done enough teaching today.
Please join the rest of the class.
[Sighs.]
All right, well, that's not [Clears throat.]
Ladies and gentlemen, as my first act as class president, I renounce my presidency.
[All gasp.]
Yeah, finally someone gets it! It's silly for me to carry out all those worthless promises.
- Hmm? - Because I can't do all of that by myself.
But as a group, as a strong powerful team, we know we know deep down, we can accomplish something amazing! What are you talking about, man? So let's all band together and build a castle on the roof! [Cheering.]
[Eagle screeches, rock music playing.]
Yeah! Whoo! Come on! You want to put another zero, like this.
Nice and round.
Isn't math fun? I'm as beautiful on the outside as I am on the inside.
[Laughs.]
We're your family now, Reed! Who wants a hug? [Quack!.]
[All groan.]
- Girl: Okay.
- Boy: Ow.
Thank you.
Smells like cheese.
Hey, Clarence? I just came by because I wanted to apologize for the way I was acting.
It's okay, Jeff.
Look, it's the sash.
I have it in my secret pocket, right here.
- Here.
- Yeah, I'm not touching that.
I-I have a better idea.
Who needs a dumb old president any way? [Laughs.]
Yeah.
Who does need one? Working together is the key to success We'll put our differences aside and we will triumph Early to bed Early to rise Picking my nose