Clarence US (2014) s03e17 Episode Script
Chad and the Marathon
1 [Remote clicks.]
[Upbeat music plays.]
I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! [Music.]
Choo-choo! [Laughing.]
Chad train pulling into the station! Well, bud, are we at the right school this time? Yes, I think this is it.
Okay, then.
Have fun today, bud! [Laughs.]
Thanks Train Chad! [Thud.]
You were probably wondering when I would assign your next essay.
[Class groans.]
[Gasps.]
I know, I know, but this'll be fun! Uh, I want you to write about someone you admire.
Okay, it could be your mom, your day, anyone.
- Ms.
Baker, could it be my aunt? - Yeah, sure, Chelsea.
- Ooh, ooh, could it be my uncle? - Yeah, Jeff.
It - yeah, it could be your uncle.
- Yesss! Someone you admire hmm [Crunching.]
Mmm mmm! Hey, Chad, um, Mom said we're not supposed to eat on the couch 'cause we get crumbs on the couch.
It's okay! Just this once.
Heh, just this once.
[Chomp!.]
[Munching.]
Oh, yeah, um, Chad, can you sign this? You didn't climb the rope in gym class? Wendle! Up that rope, sir! Up, up, up! Come on, Clarence! You can do this! I can't do that.
That's high.
Sorry.
What happened, bud? Why didn't you do it? I was gonna, but I'm just not tough.
Like Vu, he climbed that rope so good.
[All cheering.]
[Bell rings.]
Yeah, you still got to, like, try, you know? - I mean, you can do anything! - You never do anything, and you're the coolest guy that I know! [Dramatic music plays.]
Oh, man, I should ask you my essay questions.
Okay Okay, Chad, first question who are you? - Umm Chad.
- Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
And, uh what do you do for a living? Uh various careers in, um stuff.
And, um [Twang!.]
- some music training.
- Nice! Okay, next.
What are some goals you've achieved? [Nervously.]
Well, I found $5 in the gutter last week.
Heh, I hope I can find $5 some day.
Just don't give up! What's a goal you hope to achieve in the future? Uh uh I'm gonna I'm gonna um I'm gonna [Music.]
[Crowd cheers.]
[Twinkle!.]
I'm gonna run the Aberdale Marathon! Yeah! Whoo! I'm going to run, uh 13.
1 miles! Whoo-hoo-hoo! [Tauntingly.]
But here's the thing, bud I don't know if I can do this on my own.
What?! You can't do it on your own? - Uh, I need a coach.
- You need a coach?! - Someone to help me.
- Someone to help you? - Clarence! - Chad.
- Clarence! - Chad! - Will you be my coach? - Yes! I'll do it! - I'm gonna run a marathon! - I'm gonna coach! - Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! - I'm gonna coach! [Dramatic music plays.]
[Grunting.]
Come on, Chad, you got this! Come on, you got it! You're doing it! You're really doing it! - Come on! [Laughs.]
- Whoa! This is amazing! I've never felt so good! I can take on any [Record scratches.]
[Panting.]
Chad? Chad.
Hey, Chad? Hello? Chad.
Chad? Chad? Hey, Chad.
[Gasping.]
I'm gonna need a lot of work, Coach You sure you're up for it? [Grunts.]
[Grunts, chuckles.]
- Rah! [Music.]
- # I've never felt this powerful before # The plan is set I'm rising with the dawn [Rooster crows.]
Dawn I'm waking up [Honk!.]
Aah! [Whistle blows.]
# My feet are burning # My heart is yearning [Honk! Honk! Honk!.]
- # My feet are burning # - Aah! To win - Aah! - # Body, mind, and spirit in the mix # When it's tough, I'll smile [Burps.]
And grit my teeth to tiny bits I'm shaping up My feet are burning [Snap! Snap! Snap!.]
My heart is yearning For eggs What service! [Chuckles.]
Never thought my boys would become a couple of early birds over here.
- [Squish! Squish!.]
Hello, hello.
- [Chuckles.]
Maaaare [Muffled.]
Mom, did you know Chad can do anything? Yeah, yeah, sure.
[Snoring.]
[Chuckles.]
Mom, that's Chad's food.
[Munching.]
So, I checked these out.
lots of good info here about VO-2 Max and lactic acid.
And I brought some gels! - You eat them while you run.
- [Squish!.]
It's slime I guess they help replenish glis gly glycugen.
I brought all my dogs! [Dog snoring.]
I thought we'd run with Chad like a real wolf pack! [Sumo howling.]
[Clarence howling.]
Bark, bark! [Laughs.]
Oh, I almost forgot! We gotta put these bandages on our nipples.
It says so right here! "During prolonged jogs, shirt fabric rubs against the nipple causing irritation and in some extreme cases " the dreaded bloody nipple.
[Both shudder.]
[Both grunting.]
[Grunts.]
Can't be too careful.
- Mm-hmm.
Uh, yeah.
- Well, uh, there we go.
- Well, thanks for helping me coach Chad, you guys.
- Huh? You don't really think he can do it, do you? I mean, people train for years for this stuff.
You can't suddenly decide you're a runner.
You're either somebody who does this stuff or somebody who doesn't.
[Groans.]
Jeff, are you even listening to what you're saying?! Even babies gotta learn how to walk, right? I mean, you're not born as a baby that's running on little baby legs.
Chad can do anything he wants or he can do nothing he wants.
I don't care! He's Chad, and I'm going to be there no matter what he does! Yeah! Hey, who's up for a little jog? What the ? - Go, Chad, go! - You got this! - Whoo-hoo! - Go! Go! Go! - You got this! - Yeah! You got it! [Dogs barking, all cheering.]
Hey, guys! Wait up! [Laughs.]
And do you, Jared, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded [Dogs barking.]
Oh, my, it's some kind of parade! - Come on, Chad! You can do this! - Oh, hello th [Muffled grunting.]
Oh, no.
Oh, good pooch! [Grunting.]
[Over PA.]
Welcome to the Aberdale Half Marathon! Brought to you by Cheezos.
[Crowd murmuring.]
Well, I guess this is it.
Hey, your coach and I are very proud of you.
Yeah! And we made you something special.
Oh, wow! [Chuckles.]
Here's you running and this is where I say "Go, Chad, go!" And on the back, this is what's, uh, Sumo's dogs that he drew.
Oh, and Jeff wrote this.
- Do you like it? - Oh, I love it.
[Grunts.]
One minute left, you running fools! Oh, I gotta go! - Yeah, Cheezos! - Okay.
Mwah! [Smooches.]
- Boop! Oh! - Eat 'em while you run, that's what I say.
But I like 'em, too.
[Runners murmuring.]
[Laughs.]
Yeah, I don't think so.
Well, tell her she's wrong, then.
That's what I do.
[Twinkle!.]
Okay, race is starting.
[Oogaaaaah!.]
No, it's just a half marathon, no big deal.
Walk in the park, literally.
'Kay, see you at lunch.
Wow! Well, what, did your kid make that? Yeah! That cotton is gonna chafe you like crazy.
Heh, newbie, huh? First race? [Nervously.]
Yeah, man.
[Chuckles.]
Ready to rock! 'Kay, well, that's a brave attitude.
I think it's very brave what you're doing.
I mean, we're just running, right? ALL: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6 I believe in you, Chad.
You can do anything.
5, 4, 3, 2, 1 [Air horn blows.]
[Music.]
[Crowd gasps.]
[Panting.]
I'm doing it! I'm running a marathon! [Crowd cheering.]
Come on, Chad! You got it! - Keep going, you got this! - Chad: Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah, I feel so free! [Music.]
[Echoing, distorted voice.]
I believe in you, Chad.
Oh, here we go! Yeah! Aah! [Laughing.]
[Panting.]
Mile 2? Aah! I'm only at mile 2?! Aah! Aah! [Groans.]
Huh? Oh, no.
Oh, no, oh, ohh.
Chad, get in the car, hon.
It it was a great try.
No, Chad, keep running! Don't get in the car! This is your coach, Clarence, speaking.
- Um [Panting.]
- No! [Panting.]
Aah! [Grunting.]
[Screaming.]
Okay.
[Chuckles.]
Maybe you can give up now.
H-Hey, at least, uh, you tried, Chad.
[Breathes deeply.]
I guess people can't do anything they wanna do.
No, buddy you can do anything.
But, like it's hard.
Sometimes it's really hard.
Look, you did all this to impress Clarence, and he's really impressed! You don't gotta push yourself.
Yeah, it's okay, Chad.
[Chuckles.]
Let's go home.
Just this once.
Yeah, I wasn't really doing this for Clarence.
I was doing it for me.
[Creaks.]
[Music.]
Clarence: Someone who inspires me is my mom's boyfriend, Chad.
Chad is really funny and fun.
He isn't really good at anything, and he sits around a lot.
I think maybe it's hard being a grown-up.
There's no more school or grades to get.
Nobody tells you what to do, but that also means maybe you don't do anything.
And maybe it's okay not to do anything, but if you want to do something, it can be hard.
I'm like Chad's coach, but he's also my Chad Coach.
I just want to be there for Chad [Cheering, dogs barking.]
because he's there for me.
Ms.
Baker: So, Clarence, uh, do you have your essay - on someone who inspires you? - I fo I didn't do it.
Sorry.
[Rip!.]
[Ting! Ting!.]
Early to bed Early to rise Picking my nose
[Upbeat music plays.]
I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! [Music.]
Choo-choo! [Laughing.]
Chad train pulling into the station! Well, bud, are we at the right school this time? Yes, I think this is it.
Okay, then.
Have fun today, bud! [Laughs.]
Thanks Train Chad! [Thud.]
You were probably wondering when I would assign your next essay.
[Class groans.]
[Gasps.]
I know, I know, but this'll be fun! Uh, I want you to write about someone you admire.
Okay, it could be your mom, your day, anyone.
- Ms.
Baker, could it be my aunt? - Yeah, sure, Chelsea.
- Ooh, ooh, could it be my uncle? - Yeah, Jeff.
It - yeah, it could be your uncle.
- Yesss! Someone you admire hmm [Crunching.]
Mmm mmm! Hey, Chad, um, Mom said we're not supposed to eat on the couch 'cause we get crumbs on the couch.
It's okay! Just this once.
Heh, just this once.
[Chomp!.]
[Munching.]
Oh, yeah, um, Chad, can you sign this? You didn't climb the rope in gym class? Wendle! Up that rope, sir! Up, up, up! Come on, Clarence! You can do this! I can't do that.
That's high.
Sorry.
What happened, bud? Why didn't you do it? I was gonna, but I'm just not tough.
Like Vu, he climbed that rope so good.
[All cheering.]
[Bell rings.]
Yeah, you still got to, like, try, you know? - I mean, you can do anything! - You never do anything, and you're the coolest guy that I know! [Dramatic music plays.]
Oh, man, I should ask you my essay questions.
Okay Okay, Chad, first question who are you? - Umm Chad.
- Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
And, uh what do you do for a living? Uh various careers in, um stuff.
And, um [Twang!.]
- some music training.
- Nice! Okay, next.
What are some goals you've achieved? [Nervously.]
Well, I found $5 in the gutter last week.
Heh, I hope I can find $5 some day.
Just don't give up! What's a goal you hope to achieve in the future? Uh uh I'm gonna I'm gonna um I'm gonna [Music.]
[Crowd cheers.]
[Twinkle!.]
I'm gonna run the Aberdale Marathon! Yeah! Whoo! I'm going to run, uh 13.
1 miles! Whoo-hoo-hoo! [Tauntingly.]
But here's the thing, bud I don't know if I can do this on my own.
What?! You can't do it on your own? - Uh, I need a coach.
- You need a coach?! - Someone to help me.
- Someone to help you? - Clarence! - Chad.
- Clarence! - Chad! - Will you be my coach? - Yes! I'll do it! - I'm gonna run a marathon! - I'm gonna coach! - Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! - I'm gonna coach! [Dramatic music plays.]
[Grunting.]
Come on, Chad, you got this! Come on, you got it! You're doing it! You're really doing it! - Come on! [Laughs.]
- Whoa! This is amazing! I've never felt so good! I can take on any [Record scratches.]
[Panting.]
Chad? Chad.
Hey, Chad? Hello? Chad.
Chad? Chad? Hey, Chad.
[Gasping.]
I'm gonna need a lot of work, Coach You sure you're up for it? [Grunts.]
[Grunts, chuckles.]
- Rah! [Music.]
- # I've never felt this powerful before # The plan is set I'm rising with the dawn [Rooster crows.]
Dawn I'm waking up [Honk!.]
Aah! [Whistle blows.]
# My feet are burning # My heart is yearning [Honk! Honk! Honk!.]
- # My feet are burning # - Aah! To win - Aah! - # Body, mind, and spirit in the mix # When it's tough, I'll smile [Burps.]
And grit my teeth to tiny bits I'm shaping up My feet are burning [Snap! Snap! Snap!.]
My heart is yearning For eggs What service! [Chuckles.]
Never thought my boys would become a couple of early birds over here.
- [Squish! Squish!.]
Hello, hello.
- [Chuckles.]
Maaaare [Muffled.]
Mom, did you know Chad can do anything? Yeah, yeah, sure.
[Snoring.]
[Chuckles.]
Mom, that's Chad's food.
[Munching.]
So, I checked these out.
lots of good info here about VO-2 Max and lactic acid.
And I brought some gels! - You eat them while you run.
- [Squish!.]
It's slime I guess they help replenish glis gly glycugen.
I brought all my dogs! [Dog snoring.]
I thought we'd run with Chad like a real wolf pack! [Sumo howling.]
[Clarence howling.]
Bark, bark! [Laughs.]
Oh, I almost forgot! We gotta put these bandages on our nipples.
It says so right here! "During prolonged jogs, shirt fabric rubs against the nipple causing irritation and in some extreme cases " the dreaded bloody nipple.
[Both shudder.]
[Both grunting.]
[Grunts.]
Can't be too careful.
- Mm-hmm.
Uh, yeah.
- Well, uh, there we go.
- Well, thanks for helping me coach Chad, you guys.
- Huh? You don't really think he can do it, do you? I mean, people train for years for this stuff.
You can't suddenly decide you're a runner.
You're either somebody who does this stuff or somebody who doesn't.
[Groans.]
Jeff, are you even listening to what you're saying?! Even babies gotta learn how to walk, right? I mean, you're not born as a baby that's running on little baby legs.
Chad can do anything he wants or he can do nothing he wants.
I don't care! He's Chad, and I'm going to be there no matter what he does! Yeah! Hey, who's up for a little jog? What the ? - Go, Chad, go! - You got this! - Whoo-hoo! - Go! Go! Go! - You got this! - Yeah! You got it! [Dogs barking, all cheering.]
Hey, guys! Wait up! [Laughs.]
And do you, Jared, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded [Dogs barking.]
Oh, my, it's some kind of parade! - Come on, Chad! You can do this! - Oh, hello th [Muffled grunting.]
Oh, no.
Oh, good pooch! [Grunting.]
[Over PA.]
Welcome to the Aberdale Half Marathon! Brought to you by Cheezos.
[Crowd murmuring.]
Well, I guess this is it.
Hey, your coach and I are very proud of you.
Yeah! And we made you something special.
Oh, wow! [Chuckles.]
Here's you running and this is where I say "Go, Chad, go!" And on the back, this is what's, uh, Sumo's dogs that he drew.
Oh, and Jeff wrote this.
- Do you like it? - Oh, I love it.
[Grunts.]
One minute left, you running fools! Oh, I gotta go! - Yeah, Cheezos! - Okay.
Mwah! [Smooches.]
- Boop! Oh! - Eat 'em while you run, that's what I say.
But I like 'em, too.
[Runners murmuring.]
[Laughs.]
Yeah, I don't think so.
Well, tell her she's wrong, then.
That's what I do.
[Twinkle!.]
Okay, race is starting.
[Oogaaaaah!.]
No, it's just a half marathon, no big deal.
Walk in the park, literally.
'Kay, see you at lunch.
Wow! Well, what, did your kid make that? Yeah! That cotton is gonna chafe you like crazy.
Heh, newbie, huh? First race? [Nervously.]
Yeah, man.
[Chuckles.]
Ready to rock! 'Kay, well, that's a brave attitude.
I think it's very brave what you're doing.
I mean, we're just running, right? ALL: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6 I believe in you, Chad.
You can do anything.
5, 4, 3, 2, 1 [Air horn blows.]
[Music.]
[Crowd gasps.]
[Panting.]
I'm doing it! I'm running a marathon! [Crowd cheering.]
Come on, Chad! You got it! - Keep going, you got this! - Chad: Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah, I feel so free! [Music.]
[Echoing, distorted voice.]
I believe in you, Chad.
Oh, here we go! Yeah! Aah! [Laughing.]
[Panting.]
Mile 2? Aah! I'm only at mile 2?! Aah! Aah! [Groans.]
Huh? Oh, no.
Oh, no, oh, ohh.
Chad, get in the car, hon.
It it was a great try.
No, Chad, keep running! Don't get in the car! This is your coach, Clarence, speaking.
- Um [Panting.]
- No! [Panting.]
Aah! [Grunting.]
[Screaming.]
Okay.
[Chuckles.]
Maybe you can give up now.
H-Hey, at least, uh, you tried, Chad.
[Breathes deeply.]
I guess people can't do anything they wanna do.
No, buddy you can do anything.
But, like it's hard.
Sometimes it's really hard.
Look, you did all this to impress Clarence, and he's really impressed! You don't gotta push yourself.
Yeah, it's okay, Chad.
[Chuckles.]
Let's go home.
Just this once.
Yeah, I wasn't really doing this for Clarence.
I was doing it for me.
[Creaks.]
[Music.]
Clarence: Someone who inspires me is my mom's boyfriend, Chad.
Chad is really funny and fun.
He isn't really good at anything, and he sits around a lot.
I think maybe it's hard being a grown-up.
There's no more school or grades to get.
Nobody tells you what to do, but that also means maybe you don't do anything.
And maybe it's okay not to do anything, but if you want to do something, it can be hard.
I'm like Chad's coach, but he's also my Chad Coach.
I just want to be there for Chad [Cheering, dogs barking.]
because he's there for me.
Ms.
Baker: So, Clarence, uh, do you have your essay - on someone who inspires you? - I fo I didn't do it.
Sorry.
[Rip!.]
[Ting! Ting!.]
Early to bed Early to rise Picking my nose