Clarence US (2014) s03e19 Episode Script
Gilben's Different
1 [Remote clicks.]
[Upbeat music plays.]
I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! [Music plays.]
[Bell rings.]
Treehouse games! Super fun treehouse games! Crawdad races.
Kiddie pool.
A ladder.
- Yep, we got it all! - Hmm? What's this? Huh? A throwing rock? - Sounds fun.
- Oh, it is.
It's very fun.
C-Can I bring a friend? [Giggling.]
Huh? No grownups? [Laughs.]
You can't even come! - I got you! - Aw, but why? Why? [Music.]
Very nice.
[Giggling.]
[Thud!.]
Hey, shark attack! Ha-ha-ha-ha! - Oh, no! - Oh, no, it's scary! Oh, no! I'm dying! My guts are coming out! Bleh! I'm becoming a shark, too! [Laughs evilly.]
But we're vampire sharks! Watch out! [Laughs.]
We're gonna get you! [Laughing.]
Aw, guys, let's try to be aware of the reading nook.
- It's Old Man Belson! - Hey! Knock it off! - Dumb babies.
- Clarence: We got Gilben! - Chomp, chomp, chomp! - What is that? That's a mustache.
The undeniable sign of puberty.
- Gilben's got a mustache? - Mm-hmm.
Man, that thing's lookin' good, Gilben.
[Crow caws.]
I want one.
- Whatever.
I've seen better.
- Oh, no! No, no! Clarence: Heh.
How's this even possible? I didn't know it was going to happen so soon.
We're halfway to being adults, if you think about it.
Oh, no Walk with me! My taxes were very tax-y this year.
- It's the grown-ups department.
- I need 16 divorces by last Tuesday! You! Take off that tie! - You! Put on that tie! - Okay! - Sir, the investors are filing a suit against - No, not now! Time is money and money's walking, and I'm walking, so I'm money! - Did you locate the escrow? - Yes, sir! [Crow cawing.]
- Get off me! - Oh, Clarence, don't forget tutor time! [Humming.]
Oops, you almost got this one right.
I gotta hand it to you, Clarence.
You've been treating your homework with a lot of responsibility.
- Oh! Your shoe's untied.
- I shouldn't got no responsibilities.
Babies got no responsibilities.
[Gasps.]
Babies got no responsibilities! [Laughs.]
[Music.]
Huh? What? Clarence, no! What are you doing?! You've undone all your progress! What Where are you going? Now, now, Clarence.
Let's not do anything rash.
Just take the trash back to the can, close the lid, and forget all of this ever happened.
[giggles.]
I don't understand what has gotten into you, but don't you dare unzip that bag! Clarence [Chortles.]
[Doorbell rings.]
Now your pants are off! That's it, I'm out! Talk to me when you're ready to grow up! [Laughs.]
- Hey, man.
- Hello, Sumo.
You want some appie sauce? No, I got something even better.
- Yeah? - Jesse Hacksaw III.
Found it in my brother's backpack.
- You wanna watch it? - Uhhh, um No way.
That stuff's for grown-ups.
I'd rather watch this.
Woman: Do you know where the Frisbee is? Oh, behind the couch, Goolia! Where could it be? I can't find it.
You sure you don't want to come? [Singsong voice.]
# She'll make you scream for days.
# No, this wholesome kid fun is all I need.
I don't see it.
- Come on, Goolia! - Do you? It's right there.
Just look.
It's behind the couch.
Just look behind the couch! [Sobs.]
Is it behind the couch? [Crying.]
Just look at your surroundings.
[Humming.]
What? [Sighs.]
Okay, very cute, Clarence.
What's with the trash and everything? The coop is a train wreck.
[Chickens squawking.]
Maybe the chickens did it.
[Chuckles.]
Clarence, what's going on? - You always do your chores.
- I don't know.
I'm just a kid and I'm never gonna grow up.
Ever.
What? [Chuckles.]
Being a grown-up ain't so bad.
Come on.
You ain't got anyone tellin' you what to do.
You know, you get to stay up as late as you want.
Being an adult is actually pretty cool.
[Snoring.]
Hmm.
[Grunting.]
[Music.]
Stupid Ooh.
Yeah, that's right I'm a grown-up Feels good to be a grown-up.
[Slurps.]
Mwah! Man it feels good to be a grown-up Now I can finally do ironing It's time I can tell I'm grown-up Grown-up, grown-up, grown-up Money's so tight these days.
I actually caught my kids playing hide-and-go-broke.
[Chuckles.]
Money Allowance cuts for kids approved.
Gross income? That's disgusting! [Laughs.]
Wait, Clarence, are those my actual taxes? You can't play with that! And you can't talk to a grown-up like that! - That's a time-out for you! - Oh, it is, huh? That's what you think, huh? No.
Beep-beep, beep-beep.
Hey, look at that.
I'm late for work.
What the? [Sighs.]
Yeah, well, those mortgages aren't gonna shmortgage themselves, Debra.
Oh, Jeff, come in.
Great, great, great.
Yeah, just pay me up in the "manana.
" - Is that my reading nook? - Please, sit down.
- O-kay - Jeff May I call you Jeff? I called you in today to let you know personally that I'm a real grown-up now.
Made a deposit and everything.
[Squeak!.]
Any Joe Schmoe from Idaho can make a deposit.
The real sign of an adult is being responsible for somebody else.
Jeff, I'm ready for the ultimate responsibility.
[Music.]
- I wanna have a kid.
- Uh - Will you help me? - H-How do you mean? [Quack!.]
Is a bonnet really necessary? Hush now.
Papa's gotta learn.
[Pop!.]
Blah! You're lucky my mom's a doula so we can borrow all this baby stuff.
Are you ready? [Grunting.]
Time for your first "chawenge.
" Man: Chawenge one.
Wah! Wah, wah! Wah! - Aw, what's wrong, Baby Jeffy? - Wah!! Wah, wah! I-I got a big meeting tomorrow, Baby Jeffy.
- What is it? - Babies can't talk.
You gotta figure it out.
Wah-ah! Wah, wah, wah, wah! Go to sleep Go to sleep Wah! Go to sleep! Go to sleep! Go back to sleep! Clarence! That is too rough! - But - Agh, you have to feed me.
Chawenge two.
Clarence: Hmm.
Where's the milk go in this thing? [Coughs.]
Maybe it goes [Air hissing.]
Cough, cough! Ahem! Cough, cough! Oh.
Uh, here.
Swallow the pills! C'mon! Get 'em down! Pwuh! Wrong! Always call the pediatrician first! You failed to have a doctor diagnose the cough.
You gave your baby the wrong medicine.
And now I'm dead.
Bleh.
How's my favorite grandson? Man: Chawenge three.
You gotta clip my nails.
- I can't do it myself.
- Hold still now.
Sheesh, who taught you to decorate? - I-I can't talk right now, Ma.
- Fine, ignore me.
- What's happenin'? - Clarence is all grown up.
- Ohhh [Chuckles.]
- I'm over here now! - Daddy, take me to the park! - Just a second, sweetie.
- But I wanna go now!! - What's up, babies? Oh, um, hi, Belson.
You wanna be my assistant? No way.
You're not the boss of me.
If anything, I'm the boss of you.
And you're fired! [Gasps.]
Clarence, is this true? Did mama's boy get fired? - Your baby's getting away.
- Oh.
Jeffy, come back! I wanna play.
[Cries.]
Hold on, Baby Percy.
Baby? [Whining.]
What's that supposed to mean? Oh, bein' responsible's tough.
Look who's maturing into an angsty teen.
- You wanna steal some cars? - Yeah! [Both imitate engines roaring.]
Uh, uh, no driving in the house, please! - Chump! - This place is a pigsty! - Uh, uh, okay.
- Ha! My car-insurance rates are goin' way up! - Papa! Bath time! - Vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom! Come on, Clarence, clip my nails! - Come on! - Okay.
Belson: Do it, Clarence! Do it! [Thudding.]
[All gasping.]
[Gasps.]
My fingie! Waah!! Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Clarence, you're a worse mother than I was! I want nine fingers too! - Yeah, I'm callin' child services.
- Nooo!! Gah! I can't do this, okay? I'm not all grown up like Gilben! [Mechanical screeching.]
Gilben.
Held back? For two years? So, even though you're older than us, you still like to hang out with us kids? - We heard Gilben the first time.
- So what you're saying is, that no matter how long my mustache gets or how much my bald spots grows or how pruny my face becomes, I can just stay a kid? I don't ever have to be a boring old grown-up? Is that what you're saying, Gilben? That is exactly what he just said.
So, I could just be some sort of adult baby? Does such a thing even exist? Hmm.
It's even bigger than I thought.
Hey! Hey, you kids! I know you're up there! Mr.
Reese? Okay, I know it said No Adults Allowed, but I'm still a kid at heart! You know? And I just wanna throw somethin' at that rock! - Uhh - Is that so wrong? [Kids murmuring.]
I I guess not.
[Music.]
Whoo-hoo! [Panting.]
[Grunting.]
Oh! [Groans.]
[Kids chuckling.]
Early to bed Early to rise Picking my nose
[Upbeat music plays.]
I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! [Music plays.]
[Bell rings.]
Treehouse games! Super fun treehouse games! Crawdad races.
Kiddie pool.
A ladder.
- Yep, we got it all! - Hmm? What's this? Huh? A throwing rock? - Sounds fun.
- Oh, it is.
It's very fun.
C-Can I bring a friend? [Giggling.]
Huh? No grownups? [Laughs.]
You can't even come! - I got you! - Aw, but why? Why? [Music.]
Very nice.
[Giggling.]
[Thud!.]
Hey, shark attack! Ha-ha-ha-ha! - Oh, no! - Oh, no, it's scary! Oh, no! I'm dying! My guts are coming out! Bleh! I'm becoming a shark, too! [Laughs evilly.]
But we're vampire sharks! Watch out! [Laughs.]
We're gonna get you! [Laughing.]
Aw, guys, let's try to be aware of the reading nook.
- It's Old Man Belson! - Hey! Knock it off! - Dumb babies.
- Clarence: We got Gilben! - Chomp, chomp, chomp! - What is that? That's a mustache.
The undeniable sign of puberty.
- Gilben's got a mustache? - Mm-hmm.
Man, that thing's lookin' good, Gilben.
[Crow caws.]
I want one.
- Whatever.
I've seen better.
- Oh, no! No, no! Clarence: Heh.
How's this even possible? I didn't know it was going to happen so soon.
We're halfway to being adults, if you think about it.
Oh, no Walk with me! My taxes were very tax-y this year.
- It's the grown-ups department.
- I need 16 divorces by last Tuesday! You! Take off that tie! - You! Put on that tie! - Okay! - Sir, the investors are filing a suit against - No, not now! Time is money and money's walking, and I'm walking, so I'm money! - Did you locate the escrow? - Yes, sir! [Crow cawing.]
- Get off me! - Oh, Clarence, don't forget tutor time! [Humming.]
Oops, you almost got this one right.
I gotta hand it to you, Clarence.
You've been treating your homework with a lot of responsibility.
- Oh! Your shoe's untied.
- I shouldn't got no responsibilities.
Babies got no responsibilities.
[Gasps.]
Babies got no responsibilities! [Laughs.]
[Music.]
Huh? What? Clarence, no! What are you doing?! You've undone all your progress! What Where are you going? Now, now, Clarence.
Let's not do anything rash.
Just take the trash back to the can, close the lid, and forget all of this ever happened.
[giggles.]
I don't understand what has gotten into you, but don't you dare unzip that bag! Clarence [Chortles.]
[Doorbell rings.]
Now your pants are off! That's it, I'm out! Talk to me when you're ready to grow up! [Laughs.]
- Hey, man.
- Hello, Sumo.
You want some appie sauce? No, I got something even better.
- Yeah? - Jesse Hacksaw III.
Found it in my brother's backpack.
- You wanna watch it? - Uhhh, um No way.
That stuff's for grown-ups.
I'd rather watch this.
Woman: Do you know where the Frisbee is? Oh, behind the couch, Goolia! Where could it be? I can't find it.
You sure you don't want to come? [Singsong voice.]
# She'll make you scream for days.
# No, this wholesome kid fun is all I need.
I don't see it.
- Come on, Goolia! - Do you? It's right there.
Just look.
It's behind the couch.
Just look behind the couch! [Sobs.]
Is it behind the couch? [Crying.]
Just look at your surroundings.
[Humming.]
What? [Sighs.]
Okay, very cute, Clarence.
What's with the trash and everything? The coop is a train wreck.
[Chickens squawking.]
Maybe the chickens did it.
[Chuckles.]
Clarence, what's going on? - You always do your chores.
- I don't know.
I'm just a kid and I'm never gonna grow up.
Ever.
What? [Chuckles.]
Being a grown-up ain't so bad.
Come on.
You ain't got anyone tellin' you what to do.
You know, you get to stay up as late as you want.
Being an adult is actually pretty cool.
[Snoring.]
Hmm.
[Grunting.]
[Music.]
Stupid Ooh.
Yeah, that's right I'm a grown-up Feels good to be a grown-up.
[Slurps.]
Mwah! Man it feels good to be a grown-up Now I can finally do ironing It's time I can tell I'm grown-up Grown-up, grown-up, grown-up Money's so tight these days.
I actually caught my kids playing hide-and-go-broke.
[Chuckles.]
Money Allowance cuts for kids approved.
Gross income? That's disgusting! [Laughs.]
Wait, Clarence, are those my actual taxes? You can't play with that! And you can't talk to a grown-up like that! - That's a time-out for you! - Oh, it is, huh? That's what you think, huh? No.
Beep-beep, beep-beep.
Hey, look at that.
I'm late for work.
What the? [Sighs.]
Yeah, well, those mortgages aren't gonna shmortgage themselves, Debra.
Oh, Jeff, come in.
Great, great, great.
Yeah, just pay me up in the "manana.
" - Is that my reading nook? - Please, sit down.
- O-kay - Jeff May I call you Jeff? I called you in today to let you know personally that I'm a real grown-up now.
Made a deposit and everything.
[Squeak!.]
Any Joe Schmoe from Idaho can make a deposit.
The real sign of an adult is being responsible for somebody else.
Jeff, I'm ready for the ultimate responsibility.
[Music.]
- I wanna have a kid.
- Uh - Will you help me? - H-How do you mean? [Quack!.]
Is a bonnet really necessary? Hush now.
Papa's gotta learn.
[Pop!.]
Blah! You're lucky my mom's a doula so we can borrow all this baby stuff.
Are you ready? [Grunting.]
Time for your first "chawenge.
" Man: Chawenge one.
Wah! Wah, wah! Wah! - Aw, what's wrong, Baby Jeffy? - Wah!! Wah, wah! I-I got a big meeting tomorrow, Baby Jeffy.
- What is it? - Babies can't talk.
You gotta figure it out.
Wah-ah! Wah, wah, wah, wah! Go to sleep Go to sleep Wah! Go to sleep! Go to sleep! Go back to sleep! Clarence! That is too rough! - But - Agh, you have to feed me.
Chawenge two.
Clarence: Hmm.
Where's the milk go in this thing? [Coughs.]
Maybe it goes [Air hissing.]
Cough, cough! Ahem! Cough, cough! Oh.
Uh, here.
Swallow the pills! C'mon! Get 'em down! Pwuh! Wrong! Always call the pediatrician first! You failed to have a doctor diagnose the cough.
You gave your baby the wrong medicine.
And now I'm dead.
Bleh.
How's my favorite grandson? Man: Chawenge three.
You gotta clip my nails.
- I can't do it myself.
- Hold still now.
Sheesh, who taught you to decorate? - I-I can't talk right now, Ma.
- Fine, ignore me.
- What's happenin'? - Clarence is all grown up.
- Ohhh [Chuckles.]
- I'm over here now! - Daddy, take me to the park! - Just a second, sweetie.
- But I wanna go now!! - What's up, babies? Oh, um, hi, Belson.
You wanna be my assistant? No way.
You're not the boss of me.
If anything, I'm the boss of you.
And you're fired! [Gasps.]
Clarence, is this true? Did mama's boy get fired? - Your baby's getting away.
- Oh.
Jeffy, come back! I wanna play.
[Cries.]
Hold on, Baby Percy.
Baby? [Whining.]
What's that supposed to mean? Oh, bein' responsible's tough.
Look who's maturing into an angsty teen.
- You wanna steal some cars? - Yeah! [Both imitate engines roaring.]
Uh, uh, no driving in the house, please! - Chump! - This place is a pigsty! - Uh, uh, okay.
- Ha! My car-insurance rates are goin' way up! - Papa! Bath time! - Vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom! Come on, Clarence, clip my nails! - Come on! - Okay.
Belson: Do it, Clarence! Do it! [Thudding.]
[All gasping.]
[Gasps.]
My fingie! Waah!! Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Clarence, you're a worse mother than I was! I want nine fingers too! - Yeah, I'm callin' child services.
- Nooo!! Gah! I can't do this, okay? I'm not all grown up like Gilben! [Mechanical screeching.]
Gilben.
Held back? For two years? So, even though you're older than us, you still like to hang out with us kids? - We heard Gilben the first time.
- So what you're saying is, that no matter how long my mustache gets or how much my bald spots grows or how pruny my face becomes, I can just stay a kid? I don't ever have to be a boring old grown-up? Is that what you're saying, Gilben? That is exactly what he just said.
So, I could just be some sort of adult baby? Does such a thing even exist? Hmm.
It's even bigger than I thought.
Hey! Hey, you kids! I know you're up there! Mr.
Reese? Okay, I know it said No Adults Allowed, but I'm still a kid at heart! You know? And I just wanna throw somethin' at that rock! - Uhh - Is that so wrong? [Kids murmuring.]
I I guess not.
[Music.]
Whoo-hoo! [Panting.]
[Grunting.]
Oh! [Groans.]
[Kids chuckling.]
Early to bed Early to rise Picking my nose