Columbo (1971) s03e05 Episode Script
Publish or Perish
I'll be the authority behind every bombing in the world.
Bombs away, Eddie Kane.
Find the evidence, Lieutenant.
Quit jumping to conclusions and quit trying to take the easy way.
Sex is our only mysticism in this world today.
I think someone's tryin' to pin this murder on Mr.
Greenleaf.
Now, look, I've got people coming over to my house tonight.
Just exactly what is your problem? This chili's good, I'll tell you that.
Bravo, Eddie.
Very efficient.
And may I add that you are truly a living tribute to American ingenuity.
A bit depressing for the rats, but what's one less rat in the world, eh, Eddie? Get on with it.
Yes, of course.
First of all, let me impress upon you that the timing is everything.
Everything.
What? Makes it 10:30 at night instead of in the morning.
Oh, yes, of course.
Wanna synchronize watches? No, no, that won't be necessary.
Everything all right with you, Eddie? Yeah.
I just wondered.
I thought perhaps you might be losing your nerve.
One guy? I f ragged a couple of hundred in Nam.
Eddie.
One shot in the heart.
No more.
Economy, huh? Yes.
Here's the gun.
Now, remember, you have to shoot it without smudging the prints on that handle.
And the key.
You've got the rubber gloves? Well, then.
Everything is all clear.
Yeah.
What about you publishin' my book? Yes, of course.
I was just coming to that.
Well, your first advance, Eddie.
$1,000.
We'll draw up a formal contract in a couple of days.
No kiddin'? That's great.
You're smart, Mr.
Greenleaf.
You're gonna make a fortune out of my book.
Three years I've been working on it.
Three years.
I've described every single kind of explosive there is, and how to make it.
Well, that's your genius, Eddie.
Your sort of do-it-yourself book will undoubtedly change the world.
Yes.
Yes, that's right.
Those poor kids, those amateurs, plantin' bombs and blowin' themselves up.
They're really going to learn how to do it right from me.
Believe me, I know.
I'm sure you do.
You're doin' a great thing, Mr.
Greenleaf.
We both are, Eddie.
Remember, you have to come through for me tonight.
Oh, that.
He's dead already.
Eileen.
Eileen, you look gorgeous.
Give me a kiss.
I take every opportunity, you know.
Hellos and goodbyes are the only kisses I get.
Well, have you met all the great, and near-great, and so on and so on? I sure have.
It's a fine bunch of people you have here, too.
This party is partly for you, you know.
To impress you enough to come and join the Neal Publishing house.
Mr.
Neal, I don't need impressing.
I'm ready.
We told Riley Greenleaf today.
Allen's contract is up in three weeks, and then we're free.
And I assume Riley took it with good grace.
Oh, of course, aside from apoplexy.
Would you want to lose the author of five bestsellers? Oh, hardly, hardly.
Miss, will you take this, please? Listen, I hope you can join me for dinner tonight.
You and Eileen, both.
I'm sorry, I can't.
Perhaps just you? Oh, thanks.
Uh-oh.
Has somebody arrived? I invited Norman Mailer.
Yes, but did you invite him? Oh, there you are.
Don't move.
Not that I know of.
He looks a little tanked up.
You better ignore him.
Ignore a tarantula? You're lovely.
Leave.
Well, there they are.
The Holy Trinity.
The only thing missing is the golden glow.
Fortunately, my presence shall make up for that.
Nice of you to drop in, Riley.
My pleasure.
My pleasure.
I was curious to see what mysterious lures the great Geoffrey Neal was using to steal my pocket-sized Hemingway.
Riley, please.
Oh, there she is, the lovely handmaiden.
Literary agent and concubine, ever present at her master's side, an inspiring muse with real flesh.
All right, cut it out.
Don't you understand? I don't want a contract with you anymore.
After four years of grinding out some of that garbage you Garbage? Oh, no, no, sir, that was sex.
And sex is our only mysticism in this world today of the new illiterates Our old contract is up in three weeks, and that's it, Riley.
Your relationship does seem terminal, Riley.
He was writing obituaries for the Pasadena News when I found him, and I alone made him into a bestseller.
And now he would like to write better things and for Mr.
Neal's company.
Oh, you're kidding.
My dear friend, if you do, you will die.
I'm sorry Riley, but I think it's best if you keep your next appointment.
His new book belongs to me, and I've got him under contract.
All right.
That'll be enough for now.
Well, I'll tell you one thing.
He'll never write for you or anyone else, and I shall see to it.
Good night, you charming people.
Hey.
Hey, bartender! If you don't mind, a little less conversation, a little more service at the end of this bar.
Thank you.
What did you put in this glass? That's a double Scotch and soda, sir.
Just what you ordered.
What do you take me for, some kind of a fool? This tastes like bile.
Hey! Hey! Come on.
Let go of me.
I think you've had enough for tonight, sir.
Oh, really? I'll be the judge of that.
Let go of me.
Here.
Buy yourself a personality.
Let go.
Stop manhandling me.
Stinking joint! You and this place deserve to be in the Valley.
Good morning, Agnes.
Yesterday's pages looked okay.
I found a few errors you can fix up here.
Let's pick it up from Page 479, and that should wrap it up for the first draft.
Conrad held Li Chen close against him feeling her soft trembling body yield to his embrace.
He knew that this must be love.
If it wasn't, it would have to do until the war was over.
Conrad prowled the room looking for the inside of his personal tunnel.
There was no sleep for him that night.
It was only 60 miles to Saigon, he thought.
But how far could he ever put Saigon behind him? But there was only one real decision to be reached, and it had been formed a long time ago.
He knew which way he would have to turn.
Out across the plains was the monastery of St.
Ignatius, offering him hope and a chance to wash away the wounds of war that had brutalized him.
He turned to look at Li Chen sleeping on the straw mattress, her tiny body heaving fitfully.
He would not wake her.
It was better that she find him gone.
Saigon and the fighting was far away.
From the window What's the matter with you? Hey, fool! Look what you've done to my car.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I didn't see you.
What we've done to your car? Look what you've done to our car.
Tell him, Ralph.
Well, sir, you you you did pull out without looking.
What? That's ridiculous.
You, Ralphy, are a fool, you're a liar, and you're a menace to your fellow man.
Don't take that from him, Ralph.
And you, madam, shut up! All right, here, Ralphy.
I suggest you call that number the first thing in the morning.
That's my insurance agent.
He'll know how to deal with you.
Sir, in your condition, I should call the police.
Madam, in your condition, I'd call a plastic surgeon.
Let's see, it would have to be around I come to work at 10:00, so that would have to make it around midnight, I guess.
Yeah.
Excuse me, coming through.
Yeah.
Yeah.
About About midnight.
I I I was That's when I found him.
I was bringing him his coffee.
Coffee? Did you leave the building? Oh, no, I keep it down in the basement.
Hey, did somebody mention coffee? Yeah, I brought Mr.
Mallory's coffee.
I always brought him his coffee, every night.
Yeah? You still got some? Yeah, it's in the other room.
But it's probably cold by now.
That's all right.
I'd drink anything.
You know how much sleep I've had the last two nights? Maybe five hours.
Last night it was Bette Davis.
my wife wants to watch Bette Davis.
So we're watching Bette Davis.
Did you find out about that key yet, Lieutenant? Oh, this is brutal.
Um, the key? Yeah.
Oh, no, the super, he comes in at 7::00.
All right.
But, you know, she is a terrific actress, this woman Bette Davis.
Forget about it.
Um, excuse me.
Uh, Kramer? Watch it.
Coming through.
You finished up over here? Just about, Lieutenant.
Just about.
How did he get in? Who? The guard.
How'd you get in, sir? With a pass key? Yeah, yeah.
I knocked, but I couldn't hear anybody workin', you see? But I could see the light shining through the door.
That's when I come in, and I and I found him.
Did you touch anything here? You think I'm some kind of a nut? That's your job.
I've got problems of my own.
Lieutenant, this gentleman said he came here to see Mr.
Mallory.
What's going on in here? Who are you, sir? Norman Wolpert.
Lewis Manuscript Service.
I'm here to pick up Mr.
Mallory's tape for transcription.
Messenger service? Manuscript service.
What are you doing here at this hour? Why do you come so late? It's the same time I come every night.
Yeah Yeah, that that's right, Lieutenant.
I I can vouch for that.
Is Mr.
Mallory all right? Well, I'm afraid Mr.
Mallory is dead.
What happened? That's what we're trying to find out.
Lou, you take this young man's statement.
You talk to this gentleman, and then you can go home.
It's all yours, Lieutenant.
Sweeney, you getting anything here? Not much.
A lot of dust.
Leave this here.
Her tiny body heaving fitfully.
He would not wake her.
It was better that she find him gone.
You need the security guard anymore? What was that? Is it okay if I let him go back to the lobby? Yeah, let him go.
From the window.
Lieutenant? Shh.
Did you hear that? They paid that guy a lot of money for writing that tripe.
Wait a minute.
Uh, Lieutenant.
Wait a minute.
From the window.
We found this in the basement corridor.
It's been fired.
Hmm.
Where did you say you found it? In the corridor? You mean, it was just laying there, right out in the open? That's right.
We also found some jimmy marks on the outside basement door.
That's how the guy got in the building.
Thank you very much.
Uh, Sweeney, prints, Ballistics, please.
Sure, Lieutenant.
I'm all through here, anyway.
Sweeney? What, Lieutenant? Nothin'.
Sir? Sir? What? What? What? What What What is it? What? What're you doin' here parked in the park? 'C-'Cause there's a sign out there that said, "No parking in the street.
" Step out of your car, please, sir.
Certainly Certainly not.
I am on my way home, Officer.
So would you kindly shut that door, please? Please, uh, step out of the car, sir.
If you want me to get out of this car, Officer, or Sergeant, you're gonna have to drag me out.
Uh, Fred? Need help, huh? Lt.
Columbo? How're you doing? Lieutenant, I would like my client released.
He's being treated like a common criminal, and I want to know why.
Well, there has been a crime.
Mr.
Chase, is it? David Chase.
Mr.
Greenleaf? Yes, that's right.
My name is Lt.
Columbo.
Anybody want coffee? No, I want to go home.
Why don't you just tell me what the bail is, and I'll take Mr.
Greenleaf home.
I wouldn't know, sir.
I'm not connected with the Traffic Division.
I'm attached to Homicide.
Homicide? Yeah.
What is all this about? I just wanna ask Mr.
Greenleaf if he can identify a voice for me.
Now, just a minute.
Won't take long.
Offering him hope and a chance to wash away the wounds of war that had brutalized him.
He turned to look at Li Chen sleeping on the straw mattress It's Allen's voice.
Her tiny body heaving fitfully.
He would not wake her.
It was better that she find him gone.
Yes, it's Allen Mallory.
Slowly, he turned away All right, I've identified the voice.
Can I leave now? That's right, sir.
I'm afraid this man is dead.
Oh, God, no.
But who? Why? That's what I wanted to ask you, Mr.
Mr.
Greenleaf.
The medical examiner sets the time of death around 10:30.
Would you mind telling me where you were at that time? Riley, you don't have to answer that question.
David, I don't mind answering the question.
The fact is, Lieutenant, I don't I don't know where I was.
Yes, it's true.
I saw Allen last night, briefly, at a press party.
We had some words, not important, but I was very upset by it.
I drove around.
I'd been drinking quite a bit.
I don't remember anything about last night.
Poor Allen.
I wonder if you can identify this key.
No.
Would you mind taking a closer look at it? All keys look alike to me.
Yes, sir.
But I believe this is your key.
The building superintendent told me that Mr.
Mallory's office was leased This is one of the two keys that he gave you.
If you say so.
Get to the point, Lieutenant.
We found this key on the office floor, a few feet from Mr.
Mallory's body.
Evidently, it belongs to him.
No, sir.
We checked the victim's key ring, and the one that fit the outer door was on his person.
This key, your key, this is the fellow that bothers me.
I've already told you, I don't know anything about it.
What bothers you about it, Lieutenant? How it got there? Could have been dropped days before.
Do you own a.
38 Smith & Wesson revolver? Now, just a minute.
David, I have nothing to hide.
Yes, I do own a pistol, but I don't know what make it is.
Lieutenant, why are you asking me all these questions? Oh, surely you don't believe I had anything to do with Allen's death? Well, obviously, some thief broke into the office when Allen was working.
There was nothing to steal.
Mr.
Mallory's wallet wasn't disturbed.
And you just said that you were drinking last night.
You can't explain your whereabouts at the time of the death.
Riley, I'm sorry.
I must insist you answer no more questions, at least until we've had a chance to confer.
Officer.
That is, unless Lt.
Columbo is placing you under arrest.
Arrest? No.
No, no.
Mr.
Greenleaf, you're free to go.
I thought he might be.
But I may be asking some questions later on.
Of course.
I'll be at home all day.
Dear God.
Poor Allen.
David, I just can't believe it.
I just can't believe it.
I'm gonna be very honest with you, Miss McRae.
Actually, I'm interested in the activities of one particular person, a Mr.
Riley Greenleaf.
Well, you picked a beauty, Lieutenant.
If anybody had it in for Allen, it was Riley Greenleaf.
Really? That seems strange.
You know, I spoke to Mr.
Greenleaf earlier this morning.
He seemed to me like he was genuinely upset, acted like he'd lost a close friend.
That's beautiful.
Allen was about to walk out on him, taking a best-selling book with him.
That must have been the book that Mr.
Mallory was dictating.
I see.
Gonna walk out and take the book Well, wait a minute now.
I'm confused a little bit.
Wouldn't these two men have a contract? Yeah, but it was about to expire.
In three weeks.
But still the book would still belong to Mr.
Greenleaf, wouldn't it? You've got a lot to learn about the publishing business, Lieutenant.
Riley Greenleaf didn't know about that book.
Allen never talked to him about it, and never would, until he was free of that contract.
I see.
You mind if I smoke? No.
I understand that Mr.
Greenleaf has made threats against Mr.
Mallory.
You know anything about that? Last night, he said some ugly things.
He said if Allen didn't write for him, he wouldn't write for anybody.
He said that? Yeah.
But But don't take my word for it, there were a lot of witnesses there.
No kidding.
Hmm.
The fact they questioned you in a state of fatigue opens the doors to a serious consideration of involuntary self-incrimination.
On that basis alone, I'm sure we could David, would you please shut up? You don't seem to realize that Allen is dead, and I may be the one who killed him.
I'd keep that opinion to myself if I were you, Riley.
A Lt.
Columbo to see you, sir.
Yes, ask him to come in.
Thank you, Edwards.
Yes, sir.
Riley, you don't understand.
I'm as upset as you are about Allen's death.
But you must not say anything that could be construed as an admission of guilt.
Oh, Lieutenant, I'd like to apologize for this morning, but I I must tell you honestly, I don't remember a thing about last night.
I understand, sir.
Forgive the condition of the room, but I'm redecorating.
More questions, Lieutenant? Or are you here to press some kind of charges? Well, sir, you see, we traced the gun.
My gun.
It was my gun, wasn't it? Yes, sir, we were able to trace it to you.
Yeah, I knew that.
When I looked in the car, in the glove compartment, I saw that my gun was missing.
Well, obviously someone stole it.
It doesn't look that way, sir.
The only fingerprints we were able to find on the handle of that gun were Mr.
Greenleaf's.
There were no other prints on the gun.
Well, that's it, isn't it? Allen walked out on me, took his latest book to another publisher, and I suppose in anger, I killed him.
Oh, that new book, I suppose that's a pretty valuable piece of property.
Anything that he wrote was valuable, Lieutenant.
If anybody was around to write the first genuine bestseller about Vietnam, it certainly was Allen Mallory.
Is that a fact, really? I was always under the impression that war stories, they all went over big.
Only our popular wars.
World War ll was a goldmine.
But Vietnam that's a plague.
Hold it.
Wait a minute.
I'm confused.
Either I'm confused, or somebody's not telling the truth.
I was told, Mr.
Greenleaf, that you knew nothing about the contents of Mr.
Mallory's new book.
Actually, I don't.
It's just that this morning, listening to Allen's voice on the tape, didn't he mention something about Saigon and a war? I I just assumed that You're absolutely right.
I'm sorry, forgive me.
Well, this is a puzzler.
I I don't know quite what to say.
Do you remember taking the gun out of your car? No, but Riley, I warned you not to say anything.
Will you please stay out of this? I can't watch you talk yourself into a murder charge.
You'll do exactly as I ask you to do, and I pay you handsomely just for that privilege.
So, please, stay out of it.
You say you've always kept your gun in the car? Yes.
Is that the car? It is.
May I take a look? Of course, if you'd like.
How long has this lock been broken? Well, I don't know that it is.
It's been jimmied, sir, and the scratch mark is fresh.
May I? I think you're absolutely right, Lieutenant.
I see what you're driving at.
You mean that that someone could have broken into the car, and that's how the gun was stolen.
It's possible, sir.
And the key.
Sir? The key to Allen's office, I kept an extra one here in the glove compartment, along with the gun.
No, it's gone, too.
Mr.
Greenleaf? Yes.
Telephone, sir.
It's Mr.
Trumble.
He says it's quite important.
David, would you take the call? I'm in no mood to discuss insurance, please.
I'll have him call back later.
Oh, no, wait.
You'd better find out what he wants.
Yeah, I guess somebody gave you a pretty good rap back here.
Oh, yeah.
That's a beauty, isn't it? That's the first time I noticed that.
No kiddin'.
I'll tell you, bodywork like that, gotta run you $100-$150.
Lieutenant, when you own a car like this, it costs that much merely to raise the hood.
No kiddin'.
Sure.
Listen, my wife's got a cousin in the Valley, who owns a body shop, I mean, if you want me to talk to him That's very decent of you.
You see, I have a cousin in Beverly Hills.
He does all my work for me.
Lieutenant, I have some disappointing news for you.
You'll have to stick this murder on somebody else.
Riley's got an alibi that even he doesn't know about and it's iron-clad.
Well, what is it? I mean, I'm very glad to hear that.
At 10:30 last evening, Riley Greenleaf was involved in an auto accident in the parking lot of the Moore Park lnn.
That's in Encino.
Encino? What the devil was I doing there? You were drinking at the bar, I'm pleased to inform you.
Then he was taken to jail, where he spent most of the evening in the drunk tank till I got him out.
An experience I don't wish to relive, thank you.
Yeah Yeah, son of a gun.
Well, I guess that just about does it.
You may say that again.
All I can say is, thank God.
A blackout is a frightening thing.
I must be grateful to those people for having the good sense to call my insurance company to report David, do you realize that if those people had not contacted Mark Trumble What what would have I don't even want to think about that.
That accident there, that must have been where you damaged the rear end of your car.
Yes, I suppose so.
Well, listen, I'd better go check this thing out.
Still, it's funny.
What's that, Lieutenant? Fingerprints.
The fact that only your fingerprints were on the gun.
Well, listen, I don't want to impose on you.
Thank you very much for the cooperation.
Oh, you're more than welcome.
Please don't hesitate to call if if there's anything I can do.
Oh, yes, sir.
Lt.
Columbo.
Sir? I suppose you realize what you almost did? Sir? You were going to arrest him, weren't you? Well, it did seem to me that that he was somehow involved.
Seemed.
When are you police going to realize that it takes more than circumstantial evidence to convict a man of a crime? David.
Evidence.
Find the evidence, Lieutenant.
Quit jumping to conclusions and quit trying to take the easy way.
Oh, Mr.
Chase, uh, one thing.
About that accident, do you happen to know who else was involved? It's a couple from El Monte.
Mr.
and Mrs.
Morgan.
Why? Well, you see, I didn't know, uh I just wasn't sure whether it was just one person in the other car, or whether there was more than one.
And, uh, when No, I was just telling your attorney that I wasn't sure whether there was just one person in the other car or whether there was more than one.
And when you said that you were relieved that those people, more than one, when you were relieved that those people called your insurance man, I thought maybe the blackout was starting to clear up, and you were beginning to remember what happened.
Perhaps he is, subconsciously.
That's probably it.
His subconscious.
I don't care what he says, David.
He's a 2-bit writer.
You tell him to sign the writer on that contract, or he's out.
Oh, he'll sign it.
He's hungry.
Thanks, David.
Yes, Betsy? Mr.
Greenleaf, there's a strange man wandering around the editorial section.
I thought you should know.
What do you want me to do? You want to get rid of him, call the police.
That's just it.
He says he is the police.
Look, you're not supposed to wrestle her to the deck.
You're supposed to make her swoon with passion.
Now give it to me.
Give it to me.
His T-shirt smells.
His T-shirt smells? Your T-shirt smells? Columbo, would you please tell me what you're doing here? Oh, I see you're free, sir.
The receptionist told me you were tied up, so I decided to wander around.
I hope you don't mind.
Yes, I'm afraid I do mind.
My people happen to be very busy.
Yes, sir.
I can see that.
I'm very sorry.
What are they doing in there? Oh, we're shooting a cover for a new paperback.
It's on anthropology.
Uh, Mr.
Greenleaf, I came by to tell you that I've checked out that accident, and there's no question about it.
You were there.
Oh, I can't tell you how relieved I am to hear that.
I'm I'm sorry I yelled.
The only thing I have to do now, sir, is try and find the person who framed you.
Frame me? Yes, sir.
It was a frame.
No question about it.
The fingerprints on the gun, too perfect, not smudged at all.
Now since we know that you didn't shoot Mr.
Mallory that means that whoever fired that pistol was very careful not to disturb your fingerprints.
I just can't believe that.
Oh, it's a frightening thought, all right.
But you know, you were very lucky, I mean with that accident.
I mean, the time it happened and the witnesses.
Count your blessings, sir.
You know, if it hadn't been for that accident, things would've looked very bad for you now.
You know, uh, lookin' at some of these posters got me thinkin'.
They got a guy down at the department who wrote a couple of books.
Maybe you've heard of him.
What's his name? Yes, I know who you mean, Lieutenant.
You know, he's only a sergeant and I've handled a lot more cases than he has.
I was thinkin' That maybe you might write a book? Oh, I'm not talkin' about a big book.
You know, I mean, maybe a short book, just to get the hang of it.
Some of my cases.
Sure, why not? Except that if you're gonna write a book, it takes a certain amount of skill.
Oh, I don't expect to be a great writer like Mr.
Mallory or anything like that.
No.
Uh, jeez, you know, that reminds me.
He must've been very valuable to you, sir.
The insurance guy told me that you took out a a life-insurance policy on his life.
$1 million? Oh, that's a usual practice in this business, Lieutenant.
But, as you say, valuable property.
That's right.
I forgot all about the policy.
No kidding.
That's funny.
According to my notes, the company sent you a renewal slip last week.
I wouldn't know anything about that.
We have an accountant that handles all that stuff.
Listen, I certainly hope you get the men that you're after.
If anybody can do it, you're the man.
Oh, thank you, sir.
Good luck with that writing, keep that up.
That's good.
Oh, I intend to.
You know, it's hard at home with the family.
Mmm-hmm.
Sure.
Oh, listen.
Uh, gee, I almost forgot.
There's one thing about the Mallory case that bothers me.
Maybe you can help me.
Um, I cannot figure out how the murderer got into Mallory's office since the lock wasn't broken, and there's no sign of forced entry.
With the key.
The one that you found on the floor.
The one that was stolen from my glove compartment.
You mean You mean this key? There it is.
No.
No, I guess this was part of the frame-up.
This key doesn't fit the lock.
I found out that Mallory changed the lock about three weeks ago.
He did? Yeah.
I guess he didn't want anybody goin' in there and lookin' at what he was writing.
Yes, but This key was left there to incriminate you.
No doubt about it.
But that still doesn't tell us how the murderer got into the office that night.
Well, evidently, Allen must have let him in, opened the door not knowing No, sir.
No, that would've been on the tape-recording.
Mr.
Mallory's voice was never interrupted.
No.
Whoever killed him got in without Mallory's knowledge, sneaked up on him when he was dictating.
It's puzzling, isn't it? Baffling.
Yeah.
There has to be another key to the new lock.
I'll tell you, if I could find the person with that new key, I'd find the person that killed Mr.
Mallory.
I don't envy you.
That is not an easy assignment.
Oh, listen, you don't have to tell me.
Okay.
Thank you very much.
All the luck.
Thanks.
Yeah? Hello, Eddie.
This is your publisher calling.
It's been three days, skipper.
What do you say we get together? Yes, I know Eddie.
Uh, would tonight be convenient? Your place? Better tell me where it is.
Yeah, What time? Oh, shall we say 2200 hours? You're learnin', skip.
Out.
Yes, Eddie, out.
Hello, Moishe? It's Riley Greenleaf, here.
I'll tell you what, I need a favor.
I need to have a key made for a door to a certain office building.
Problem is, I need it this afternoon.
You think you can swing that? Oh, fine.
Tell him I'll make it worth his while.
Yo, it's open.
Hey.
Hi.
I've been meaning to ask you, all this stuff that you keep here in your your home, is it legal? It's all made in the U.
S.
Of A.
Pull up a sofa.
Oh, hey! I made some drawings today for my chapter on Bouncin' Betties.
You did? Fine.
What's a Bouncing Betty? Anti-personnel mine.
You got to really plant these things just right.
Now you see, you lay it down six inches.
No more.
You leave the pressure plate with just about a half inch of dirt and leaves.
The guy steps on it.
Whammo! You get the legs.
It's beautiful.
Oh, yeah.
That's beautiful.
Well, it calls for a celebration.
A little little drinking? Hey, that's nice.
Real champagne? Absolutely.
Nothing but the best for Eddie Kane, huh? I'll have to get used to that idea.
You should, Eddie.
After all, you deserve it.
Perfect.
A toast, Eddie.
Shall we say, uh, bombs away? Bombs away? I like it.
I like it.
Right on.
Mmm.
Yeah, there we are.
I've been meaning to ask you, did you run into any problems the other night? No.
No trouble getting into Mallory's office? The door was open, but I left the key on the floor anyway, like you told me.
Splendid, now about the book.
Yeah.
Is there any information contained in the book, that could be in violation of military requirements or or defense secrets? Are you kidding me? All the specifications are in the manufacturer's brochure.
All I'm doin' with my book is to say how to use them right.
I've got ideas for bombs those guys never even thought of.
Here.
Never even thought of.
I got got this funny Something the matter, Eddie? I I don't know, I Dear Mr.
Greenleaf.
Is this the right place? For what? To park the car.
Permanently? No, I'm going in to lunch.
Hi, Sharon.
Hi.
How are you? Good to see you.
Oh, thank you.
Thanks a lot, Rocco.
You're welcome.
Excuse me, don't I need a parking check? Listen, mister, I'll remember your car.
May I help you? Uh, thank you very much.
Excuse me, Mr.
Neal? Yes? I'm Geoffrey, this is Lt.
Columbo.
Oh, yes, would you like to sit down? Thank you very much.
I don't want to bother you.
I called your office and they told me you were over here.
I I hope you don't mind.
Oh, no.
No, not at all.
Will you have something to eat? Oh, no.
Please Please join us.
Well, listen, now that you mentioned it, I could use somethin', so Charles, see what the Lieutenant will have.
Big menu.
Uh, Sweetbreads Financier Can't pronounce that.
The Trout Amandine is very good.
Amandine.
What is that with? That's with Almonds.
With almonds.
Fish.
Well, I was thinkin' of somethin' a little bit more, with body.
I'll tell you what, if you don't mind, do you have any chili? Chili? Yeah, with beans or without beans, either way, it doesn't make any difference.
Chili.
Ask Henri to see what he can do for our friend here.
Yes, sir.
Thank you very much.
I'll have a little iced tea with that.
Mr.
Neal, uh, what I wanted to ask you was How are you doin'? Fine, sir.
This is what I wanted to ask you, Mr.
Neal.
I understand that your attorneys are tryin' to get a release of Mr.
Mallory's manuscript.
Yes, 60 MILES TO SAIGON.
I agreed to publish it after Mallory's contract expired with Greenleaf.
And I want to get hold of it before he can, because, well, I'm afraid he's going to make trouble.
It's a very valuable book? We think so.
After all, the man has written nothing but bestsellers.
Uh, have you read it? Oh, no, nobody's read it.
Nobody? Nobody.
Of course, Eileen discussed the end with him.
As a matter of fact, I believe she even made a contribution to it.
Well, it was just a little one, believe me, Lieutenant.
Pardon me.
I'll have a little ketchup.
Ketchup? Ketchup.
All right, sir.
And some crackers.
Don't wait for us, Lieutenant.
Right.
Please eat.
I wanted to get those saltines if he had any.
Well Mr.
Neal discussed the book with Universal Studios.
They wanted a picture for Rock Hudson.
The only trouble with that was that Allen was planning to kill the hero off in the final pages.
Universal said, for $100,000, you don't kill off Rock Hudson.
As I understood it, Allen's hero was a P.
O.
W.
Who betrayed his own men, but then found his courage, came back, and helped them escape from the prison camp.
You see, Allen insisted that his hero had a tragic flaw which classically ends in death.
That's where Eileen was so helpful.
After the escape, after they get back to Saigon, Rock Hudson says goodbye to the girl who helped him regain his courage, says goodbye to the material world, and goes off to a monastery.
Is that good? If it sells, it is.
This chili's good, I'll tell you that.
Uh, the question that comes to mind now is can either one of you two people think of someone who might want to frame Mr.
Greenleaf? Frame Frame Riley? That's right, ma'am.
That's what I think happened.
I think someone's tryin' to pin this murder on Mr.
Greenleaf.
But, surely, you don't think that either one of us had anything I'm just asking the question, ma'am.
Well, I suppose I might have a motive, being his competitor.
But I'm sorry, Lieutenant.
That's not my style.
Anyway, if I wanted to frame Riley, it certainly wouldn't be for the death of Allen Mallory, who I very much wanted to write for us.
Oh, that's all right, I'm practically finished.
I'll have a check.
Oh, no, Lieutenant, please, please, be my guest.
No, no, uh, this is department business and when it's department business, the department pays for it.
All right, if you insist.
Excuse me, sir.
Are you Lt.
Columbo? Yeah.
There's a telephone call for you, sir.
Well, look, uh, I'll run along.
I want to thank you very much.
You've been very hospitable.
Good day, sir.
Pleasure.
Ma'am.
Having a hard time getting up.
Columbo.
Yeah.
Where? Your check, Lieutenant.
Can I borrow a pencil? Got it.
Thank you.
Thank you.
$6.
Excuse me.
No, I think there's a mistake.
I had the chili and the iced tea.
Oh.
$6.
75? I forgot to add the iced tea.
Name of Eddie Kane.
Blew himself up last night with a hand grenade.
Real weirdo.
Must've been rigging a bomb.
A bomb? What for? Don't ask me.
Looks like he's writing a book.
"How to Blow Up Anything in Ten Easy Lessons.
" The reason I had Central contact you, you know that murder downtown? That writer, Mallory? Yeah? We thought we had a case against the publisher, Greenleaf? Right.
Well, it may not mean anything, but I found Kane's address book, and Greenleaf is in it.
Riley Greenleaf.
Thought it might be something.
You son of a gun.
Hmm.
You mind if I look around? Go right ahead.
My boys are all through.
You want a cup of coffee or somethin'? No, no, thanks.
I just ate.
You want some advice? Be careful where you eat chili.
Why? Too hot? Too high.
Wait a minute.
What? I'll be a son of a gun.
I can't believe it.
"60 MILES TO SAIGON.
" Outline for a novel.
You think that ties Eddie Kane with the Mallory murder? Yeah.
Could be.
Lieutenant, you sure are lucky sometimes.
That's me.
I'm lucky.
You didn't happen to find a key chain on this fellow, did you? As a matter of fact, we did.
You didn't happen to find a key that doesn't fit anything in this place? Well, there's one for the door, one for his car, and this one.
Who knows? Oh, yeah.
Excuse me, Mr.
Greenleaf? Shh! Excuse me.
I'm sorry to disturb your movie, Mr.
Greenleaf, but this is very important.
We found the man that killed Mr.
Mallory.
Want to save it, Andy? Unfortunately, uh, he was killed last night.
His name was Eddie Kane.
He was killed? Yes, there was some kind of an accident.
He seemed to be fooling around with a homemade bomb.
Hmm.
Sounds gruesome.
It was.
Uh, for the purposes of my report, I wonder if you could tell me a little bit more about him.
Me? I never heard of the man.
Well, now, that's strange, sir, because your telephone number and your name we found in his address book.
That's bizarre.
I don't know how he obtained it.
I've never heard of any Eddie Kane.
Now, that's just not true, sir.
I, myself, went through his file drawer and I found a duplicate of a letter from Kane addressed to you, written nine months ago.
Had to do with a novel called 60 MILES TO SAIGON.
He was offering to write it.
He also enclosed an outline.
Now, that was the name of Mr.
Mallory's new book, wasn't it? I wouldn't know, Lieutenant.
He never discussed the book with me.
Mr.
Greenleaf, the point is, have you heard of Mr.
Kane, or haven't you? And I think you have.
And I think you ought to tell me about it.
You could do it here, or you can do it at headquarters.
All right, Lieutenant.
I never was a very good liar.
You might just want to know the truth.
Eddie Kane mailed me this outline last year.
And the moment I read it, I realized it had the makings of a very commercial book.
But I also realized that Eddie Kane was not the guy to write it.
I mean, he simply wasn't a writer.
Fortunately, Allen was looking around for a new idea.
When I showed him this, he jumped at it.
Lieutenant, I was not trying to steal it.
Quite the contrary.
I offered Eddie Kane $5,000 for it.
He refused.
He was like a wild man.
He was insulting, abusive But you didn't return the outline? It was too late then.
Allen was already at work on the book.
So what did Mr.
Kane do? He threatened me, threatened Allen, too.
I tried to reason with him.
I even offered him part of my profits, but he was adamant.
I never thought he'd be crazy enough to I guess he killed Allen and he tried to frame me.
You know, in many ways, I'm really to blame.
Well, I can understand how you feel, sir.
I mean, that wasn't exactly an ethical thing that you did, was it? No, no, it wasn't.
All right, Mr.
Greenleaf, I'll be running along then.
Oh, you don't mind if I take this outline with me? I just wanna take it to the lab and have them check the typing against Eddie Kane's typewriter.
No, of course.
You understand? Oh, sure.
Good day, sir.
Good day, Lieutenant.
Feel better.
Thanks very much.
Oh, I don't have to read anymore, Lieutenant.
This is the outline for Allen's book.
I can't believe it.
He wouldn't plagiarize this, he wouldn't have to.
Well, I'm sure you're right, ma'am, but I double-checked with the lab.
That synopsis was definitely typed on Eddie Kane's typewriter.
Well, I I wish I could help you, Lieutenant.
I I guess I can't.
All right, thank you very much.
I appreciate your time.
Sorry.
Oh, Lieutenant.
Yes? Your evidence.
Oh.
I get preoccupied, I forget my head.
You know, that synopsis, it's as though Allen dictated it himself.
Wait a minute.
Maybe he did.
May I use your telephone? Sure.
Could you do one more thing? Could you finish reading that? I don't understand.
Please, ma'am.
Would you just read it? You did find the key? On Eddie Kane's key ring, huh? Well, you should be very happy, Lieutenant.
When? Now? Tonight? May I ask, why there? Yes, of course.
I'll come right away.
Good evening, Mr.
Greenleaf.
You writing the great American novel, Lieutenant, or just boning up on the touch system? I want to tell you something, this writing is not as easy as it looks.
You know, uh, I was on a case once.
A candidate for the United States Senate.
He had a lot of security men around him 'cause there'd been threats against his life.
Now, in order to shake the security men, he changes clothes with his campaign manager.
Then he shoots the campaign manager and he makes it look like an attempt on his life.
Now, that's a heck of a story.
There's only one problem, I was telling my wife.
I got it all up here, I can't put it down here.
Lieutenant, very frankly, I don't give a damn about your senator or your story.
Now, look, I've got people coming over to my house tonight.
Just exactly what is your problem? Oh, forgive me, sir.
I didn't know you were expecting guests.
Did I tell you that the key that was on the floor next to the body didn't fit the lock? Yes, you mentioned it the other day.
You said that there had to be another key to fit the new lock, and when you had that key, then you'd have the person who murdered Allen Mallory.
Right.
Right.
I knew I only told one person, I wasn't sure who.
But it was you? Yes, it was me.
And now you just tell me on the telephone, you found that key, it was on Eddie Kane.
Right, we found it.
Here it is.
But there's a problem.
Well, what's the problem? Doesn't the key fit the lock? No, it fits, the key fits, fits like a glove.
All right, there's your answer.
Then obviously, that's the key that Eddie Kane used the night he came in here.
No, that would be impossible.
Why? Officer, would you bring in Mr.
Black? Just wouldn't be possible.
Look, forgive me for for seeming dumb about this thing, but I just don't understand.
You've just shown me a key that fits that lock.
Right.
Right, sir.
It does fit.
Good evening, Mr.
Black.
But, uh that lock wasn't on the door that night.
Oh, Mr.
Black, Mr.
Greenleaf.
Yeah.
How do you do? How do you do? Mr.
Black is a locksmith.
Right.
Mr.
Black, would you tell Mr.
Greenleaf when you put this lock on this door? Oh, that that was Thursday.
That was the day after that writer, Mr.
Mallory, was shot.
The day after? I don't understand that.
Who ordered you to change the lock? He did.
Yes, sir.
I did.
Which raises a very troublesome question.
That will be all, Mr.
Black.
For the life of me, I cannot figure out how Eddie Kane would have a key to a lock that was put on the door on my instructions the day after he shot Mallory.
Does that make any sense to you? No, not at all.
Why would Kane even come back here? Sure is a puzzle, all right.
You don't have any answers? No, not a one.
Beats me.
Well, thank goodness I got the answer to the other thing that was bothering me.
What other thing? Well, sir, I know you're expecting guests, so I don't want to hold you up anymore.
It's true, I do have to leave, and I haven't got much time.
But I am curious.
Now, what? As long as you're curious, sir.
I figured out how Eddie Kane got in here that night.
Uh, he didn't use the key that was removed from your car.
Mallory had changed that lock, and, obviously, he didn't use this key.
The fact is, he didn't use any key.
Well, how did he get in here then? He walked, the door was open.
Oh, the door was open? Yes, sir.
You see, the air conditioner had broken down.
That's why that window was open.
You can actually hear the street noises on the tape.
But, you know, an open window on a muggy night's not much help.
So I think Mr.
Mallory must've opened that door.
That created a nice cross breeze here.
Now, when Mr.
Kane arrived, well, the door was open, he just walked in.
Mr.
Mallory must've turned around and he shot him.
All right.
If that is true, and it sounds conceivable enough to me, but I don't see how that changes anything.
About what, sir? About what happened.
Now, look, Columbo, I've had you up to here.
And frankly, I'm not interested in locks and keys and open doors and air conditioners, and how he got in here.
What the hell difference does it make how he got in here? The fact is that some crackpot war veteran came in here, shot and killed Allen Mallory, and then frames me out of some insane belief that Allen and I stole his lousy little story.
Now, that's all I know.
And that's all I'm interested in.
Mr.
Wolpert.
I thought that name might mean something.
Let's see if we're talking about the same Mr.
Wolpert.
We know you two fellows know one another, so don't bother to hide it.
No, you're wrong, we don't know each other.
This young man may have seen me going That's a lie.
I resent that.
Mr.
Greenleaf, you told me that you knew nothing about the contents of Mr.
Mallory's new novel.
That's right, I don't.
That's another lie.
Thank you, Officer.
Good evening, Norman.
Good evening.
I met this young man the night of the murder.
Works for a manuscript service.
Picks up Mr.
Mallory's tapes, takes them to his company's office, the next day the typist transcribes the tapes.
Then he returns the tapes and the typed pages.
Except for the extra copy which he passed to you.
Now, that's nothing but assumption, it's pure speculation.
I've checked your bank accounts, you made five monthly cash deposits of $1,000 each.
Now, a court might want to know where you got that money on your salary.
You look at me.
You don't have to say anything.
I'm not talking about losing your job.
I'm talking about murder.
Don't you say a word.
I'll call my lawyer.
He's involving you in a murder.
Was that part of the deal? Look, um, I did get a set of the pages to Mr.
Greenleaf.
But I'm not involved in any murder.
I don't know a thing about a murder.
I believe you.
Go on home now, we'll get your statement later.
Thank you.
Go on.
All right, Columbo.
So he testifies that he gave me those papers.
What's that mean? It means you knew everything that Mallory was writing.
Day by day, including the ending.
Even if I knew the ending, that still doesn't mean that I was the one who murdered the man.
For $100,000, you don't kill off Rock Hudson.
In this synopsis that you gave me, which you claim Eddie Kane wrote nine months ago, the hero saves his men, and he goes off to live in a monastery.
I hate to tell you this, sir, but there is no way that Eddie Kane could've had that idea.
It wasn't even Allen Mallory's.
It was given to him by his agent, Miss McRae.
And for the life of me, I cannot figure out how Eddie Kane could have written an ending nine months ago that was only invented last week.
I guess you see my point.
Bombs away, Eddie Kane.
Find the evidence, Lieutenant.
Quit jumping to conclusions and quit trying to take the easy way.
Sex is our only mysticism in this world today.
I think someone's tryin' to pin this murder on Mr.
Greenleaf.
Now, look, I've got people coming over to my house tonight.
Just exactly what is your problem? This chili's good, I'll tell you that.
Bravo, Eddie.
Very efficient.
And may I add that you are truly a living tribute to American ingenuity.
A bit depressing for the rats, but what's one less rat in the world, eh, Eddie? Get on with it.
Yes, of course.
First of all, let me impress upon you that the timing is everything.
Everything.
What? Makes it 10:30 at night instead of in the morning.
Oh, yes, of course.
Wanna synchronize watches? No, no, that won't be necessary.
Everything all right with you, Eddie? Yeah.
I just wondered.
I thought perhaps you might be losing your nerve.
One guy? I f ragged a couple of hundred in Nam.
Eddie.
One shot in the heart.
No more.
Economy, huh? Yes.
Here's the gun.
Now, remember, you have to shoot it without smudging the prints on that handle.
And the key.
You've got the rubber gloves? Well, then.
Everything is all clear.
Yeah.
What about you publishin' my book? Yes, of course.
I was just coming to that.
Well, your first advance, Eddie.
$1,000.
We'll draw up a formal contract in a couple of days.
No kiddin'? That's great.
You're smart, Mr.
Greenleaf.
You're gonna make a fortune out of my book.
Three years I've been working on it.
Three years.
I've described every single kind of explosive there is, and how to make it.
Well, that's your genius, Eddie.
Your sort of do-it-yourself book will undoubtedly change the world.
Yes.
Yes, that's right.
Those poor kids, those amateurs, plantin' bombs and blowin' themselves up.
They're really going to learn how to do it right from me.
Believe me, I know.
I'm sure you do.
You're doin' a great thing, Mr.
Greenleaf.
We both are, Eddie.
Remember, you have to come through for me tonight.
Oh, that.
He's dead already.
Eileen.
Eileen, you look gorgeous.
Give me a kiss.
I take every opportunity, you know.
Hellos and goodbyes are the only kisses I get.
Well, have you met all the great, and near-great, and so on and so on? I sure have.
It's a fine bunch of people you have here, too.
This party is partly for you, you know.
To impress you enough to come and join the Neal Publishing house.
Mr.
Neal, I don't need impressing.
I'm ready.
We told Riley Greenleaf today.
Allen's contract is up in three weeks, and then we're free.
And I assume Riley took it with good grace.
Oh, of course, aside from apoplexy.
Would you want to lose the author of five bestsellers? Oh, hardly, hardly.
Miss, will you take this, please? Listen, I hope you can join me for dinner tonight.
You and Eileen, both.
I'm sorry, I can't.
Perhaps just you? Oh, thanks.
Uh-oh.
Has somebody arrived? I invited Norman Mailer.
Yes, but did you invite him? Oh, there you are.
Don't move.
Not that I know of.
He looks a little tanked up.
You better ignore him.
Ignore a tarantula? You're lovely.
Leave.
Well, there they are.
The Holy Trinity.
The only thing missing is the golden glow.
Fortunately, my presence shall make up for that.
Nice of you to drop in, Riley.
My pleasure.
My pleasure.
I was curious to see what mysterious lures the great Geoffrey Neal was using to steal my pocket-sized Hemingway.
Riley, please.
Oh, there she is, the lovely handmaiden.
Literary agent and concubine, ever present at her master's side, an inspiring muse with real flesh.
All right, cut it out.
Don't you understand? I don't want a contract with you anymore.
After four years of grinding out some of that garbage you Garbage? Oh, no, no, sir, that was sex.
And sex is our only mysticism in this world today of the new illiterates Our old contract is up in three weeks, and that's it, Riley.
Your relationship does seem terminal, Riley.
He was writing obituaries for the Pasadena News when I found him, and I alone made him into a bestseller.
And now he would like to write better things and for Mr.
Neal's company.
Oh, you're kidding.
My dear friend, if you do, you will die.
I'm sorry Riley, but I think it's best if you keep your next appointment.
His new book belongs to me, and I've got him under contract.
All right.
That'll be enough for now.
Well, I'll tell you one thing.
He'll never write for you or anyone else, and I shall see to it.
Good night, you charming people.
Hey.
Hey, bartender! If you don't mind, a little less conversation, a little more service at the end of this bar.
Thank you.
What did you put in this glass? That's a double Scotch and soda, sir.
Just what you ordered.
What do you take me for, some kind of a fool? This tastes like bile.
Hey! Hey! Come on.
Let go of me.
I think you've had enough for tonight, sir.
Oh, really? I'll be the judge of that.
Let go of me.
Here.
Buy yourself a personality.
Let go.
Stop manhandling me.
Stinking joint! You and this place deserve to be in the Valley.
Good morning, Agnes.
Yesterday's pages looked okay.
I found a few errors you can fix up here.
Let's pick it up from Page 479, and that should wrap it up for the first draft.
Conrad held Li Chen close against him feeling her soft trembling body yield to his embrace.
He knew that this must be love.
If it wasn't, it would have to do until the war was over.
Conrad prowled the room looking for the inside of his personal tunnel.
There was no sleep for him that night.
It was only 60 miles to Saigon, he thought.
But how far could he ever put Saigon behind him? But there was only one real decision to be reached, and it had been formed a long time ago.
He knew which way he would have to turn.
Out across the plains was the monastery of St.
Ignatius, offering him hope and a chance to wash away the wounds of war that had brutalized him.
He turned to look at Li Chen sleeping on the straw mattress, her tiny body heaving fitfully.
He would not wake her.
It was better that she find him gone.
Saigon and the fighting was far away.
From the window What's the matter with you? Hey, fool! Look what you've done to my car.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I didn't see you.
What we've done to your car? Look what you've done to our car.
Tell him, Ralph.
Well, sir, you you you did pull out without looking.
What? That's ridiculous.
You, Ralphy, are a fool, you're a liar, and you're a menace to your fellow man.
Don't take that from him, Ralph.
And you, madam, shut up! All right, here, Ralphy.
I suggest you call that number the first thing in the morning.
That's my insurance agent.
He'll know how to deal with you.
Sir, in your condition, I should call the police.
Madam, in your condition, I'd call a plastic surgeon.
Let's see, it would have to be around I come to work at 10:00, so that would have to make it around midnight, I guess.
Yeah.
Excuse me, coming through.
Yeah.
Yeah.
About About midnight.
I I I was That's when I found him.
I was bringing him his coffee.
Coffee? Did you leave the building? Oh, no, I keep it down in the basement.
Hey, did somebody mention coffee? Yeah, I brought Mr.
Mallory's coffee.
I always brought him his coffee, every night.
Yeah? You still got some? Yeah, it's in the other room.
But it's probably cold by now.
That's all right.
I'd drink anything.
You know how much sleep I've had the last two nights? Maybe five hours.
Last night it was Bette Davis.
my wife wants to watch Bette Davis.
So we're watching Bette Davis.
Did you find out about that key yet, Lieutenant? Oh, this is brutal.
Um, the key? Yeah.
Oh, no, the super, he comes in at 7::00.
All right.
But, you know, she is a terrific actress, this woman Bette Davis.
Forget about it.
Um, excuse me.
Uh, Kramer? Watch it.
Coming through.
You finished up over here? Just about, Lieutenant.
Just about.
How did he get in? Who? The guard.
How'd you get in, sir? With a pass key? Yeah, yeah.
I knocked, but I couldn't hear anybody workin', you see? But I could see the light shining through the door.
That's when I come in, and I and I found him.
Did you touch anything here? You think I'm some kind of a nut? That's your job.
I've got problems of my own.
Lieutenant, this gentleman said he came here to see Mr.
Mallory.
What's going on in here? Who are you, sir? Norman Wolpert.
Lewis Manuscript Service.
I'm here to pick up Mr.
Mallory's tape for transcription.
Messenger service? Manuscript service.
What are you doing here at this hour? Why do you come so late? It's the same time I come every night.
Yeah Yeah, that that's right, Lieutenant.
I I can vouch for that.
Is Mr.
Mallory all right? Well, I'm afraid Mr.
Mallory is dead.
What happened? That's what we're trying to find out.
Lou, you take this young man's statement.
You talk to this gentleman, and then you can go home.
It's all yours, Lieutenant.
Sweeney, you getting anything here? Not much.
A lot of dust.
Leave this here.
Her tiny body heaving fitfully.
He would not wake her.
It was better that she find him gone.
You need the security guard anymore? What was that? Is it okay if I let him go back to the lobby? Yeah, let him go.
From the window.
Lieutenant? Shh.
Did you hear that? They paid that guy a lot of money for writing that tripe.
Wait a minute.
Uh, Lieutenant.
Wait a minute.
From the window.
We found this in the basement corridor.
It's been fired.
Hmm.
Where did you say you found it? In the corridor? You mean, it was just laying there, right out in the open? That's right.
We also found some jimmy marks on the outside basement door.
That's how the guy got in the building.
Thank you very much.
Uh, Sweeney, prints, Ballistics, please.
Sure, Lieutenant.
I'm all through here, anyway.
Sweeney? What, Lieutenant? Nothin'.
Sir? Sir? What? What? What? What What What is it? What? What're you doin' here parked in the park? 'C-'Cause there's a sign out there that said, "No parking in the street.
" Step out of your car, please, sir.
Certainly Certainly not.
I am on my way home, Officer.
So would you kindly shut that door, please? Please, uh, step out of the car, sir.
If you want me to get out of this car, Officer, or Sergeant, you're gonna have to drag me out.
Uh, Fred? Need help, huh? Lt.
Columbo? How're you doing? Lieutenant, I would like my client released.
He's being treated like a common criminal, and I want to know why.
Well, there has been a crime.
Mr.
Chase, is it? David Chase.
Mr.
Greenleaf? Yes, that's right.
My name is Lt.
Columbo.
Anybody want coffee? No, I want to go home.
Why don't you just tell me what the bail is, and I'll take Mr.
Greenleaf home.
I wouldn't know, sir.
I'm not connected with the Traffic Division.
I'm attached to Homicide.
Homicide? Yeah.
What is all this about? I just wanna ask Mr.
Greenleaf if he can identify a voice for me.
Now, just a minute.
Won't take long.
Offering him hope and a chance to wash away the wounds of war that had brutalized him.
He turned to look at Li Chen sleeping on the straw mattress It's Allen's voice.
Her tiny body heaving fitfully.
He would not wake her.
It was better that she find him gone.
Yes, it's Allen Mallory.
Slowly, he turned away All right, I've identified the voice.
Can I leave now? That's right, sir.
I'm afraid this man is dead.
Oh, God, no.
But who? Why? That's what I wanted to ask you, Mr.
Mr.
Greenleaf.
The medical examiner sets the time of death around 10:30.
Would you mind telling me where you were at that time? Riley, you don't have to answer that question.
David, I don't mind answering the question.
The fact is, Lieutenant, I don't I don't know where I was.
Yes, it's true.
I saw Allen last night, briefly, at a press party.
We had some words, not important, but I was very upset by it.
I drove around.
I'd been drinking quite a bit.
I don't remember anything about last night.
Poor Allen.
I wonder if you can identify this key.
No.
Would you mind taking a closer look at it? All keys look alike to me.
Yes, sir.
But I believe this is your key.
The building superintendent told me that Mr.
Mallory's office was leased This is one of the two keys that he gave you.
If you say so.
Get to the point, Lieutenant.
We found this key on the office floor, a few feet from Mr.
Mallory's body.
Evidently, it belongs to him.
No, sir.
We checked the victim's key ring, and the one that fit the outer door was on his person.
This key, your key, this is the fellow that bothers me.
I've already told you, I don't know anything about it.
What bothers you about it, Lieutenant? How it got there? Could have been dropped days before.
Do you own a.
38 Smith & Wesson revolver? Now, just a minute.
David, I have nothing to hide.
Yes, I do own a pistol, but I don't know what make it is.
Lieutenant, why are you asking me all these questions? Oh, surely you don't believe I had anything to do with Allen's death? Well, obviously, some thief broke into the office when Allen was working.
There was nothing to steal.
Mr.
Mallory's wallet wasn't disturbed.
And you just said that you were drinking last night.
You can't explain your whereabouts at the time of the death.
Riley, I'm sorry.
I must insist you answer no more questions, at least until we've had a chance to confer.
Officer.
That is, unless Lt.
Columbo is placing you under arrest.
Arrest? No.
No, no.
Mr.
Greenleaf, you're free to go.
I thought he might be.
But I may be asking some questions later on.
Of course.
I'll be at home all day.
Dear God.
Poor Allen.
David, I just can't believe it.
I just can't believe it.
I'm gonna be very honest with you, Miss McRae.
Actually, I'm interested in the activities of one particular person, a Mr.
Riley Greenleaf.
Well, you picked a beauty, Lieutenant.
If anybody had it in for Allen, it was Riley Greenleaf.
Really? That seems strange.
You know, I spoke to Mr.
Greenleaf earlier this morning.
He seemed to me like he was genuinely upset, acted like he'd lost a close friend.
That's beautiful.
Allen was about to walk out on him, taking a best-selling book with him.
That must have been the book that Mr.
Mallory was dictating.
I see.
Gonna walk out and take the book Well, wait a minute now.
I'm confused a little bit.
Wouldn't these two men have a contract? Yeah, but it was about to expire.
In three weeks.
But still the book would still belong to Mr.
Greenleaf, wouldn't it? You've got a lot to learn about the publishing business, Lieutenant.
Riley Greenleaf didn't know about that book.
Allen never talked to him about it, and never would, until he was free of that contract.
I see.
You mind if I smoke? No.
I understand that Mr.
Greenleaf has made threats against Mr.
Mallory.
You know anything about that? Last night, he said some ugly things.
He said if Allen didn't write for him, he wouldn't write for anybody.
He said that? Yeah.
But But don't take my word for it, there were a lot of witnesses there.
No kidding.
Hmm.
The fact they questioned you in a state of fatigue opens the doors to a serious consideration of involuntary self-incrimination.
On that basis alone, I'm sure we could David, would you please shut up? You don't seem to realize that Allen is dead, and I may be the one who killed him.
I'd keep that opinion to myself if I were you, Riley.
A Lt.
Columbo to see you, sir.
Yes, ask him to come in.
Thank you, Edwards.
Yes, sir.
Riley, you don't understand.
I'm as upset as you are about Allen's death.
But you must not say anything that could be construed as an admission of guilt.
Oh, Lieutenant, I'd like to apologize for this morning, but I I must tell you honestly, I don't remember a thing about last night.
I understand, sir.
Forgive the condition of the room, but I'm redecorating.
More questions, Lieutenant? Or are you here to press some kind of charges? Well, sir, you see, we traced the gun.
My gun.
It was my gun, wasn't it? Yes, sir, we were able to trace it to you.
Yeah, I knew that.
When I looked in the car, in the glove compartment, I saw that my gun was missing.
Well, obviously someone stole it.
It doesn't look that way, sir.
The only fingerprints we were able to find on the handle of that gun were Mr.
Greenleaf's.
There were no other prints on the gun.
Well, that's it, isn't it? Allen walked out on me, took his latest book to another publisher, and I suppose in anger, I killed him.
Oh, that new book, I suppose that's a pretty valuable piece of property.
Anything that he wrote was valuable, Lieutenant.
If anybody was around to write the first genuine bestseller about Vietnam, it certainly was Allen Mallory.
Is that a fact, really? I was always under the impression that war stories, they all went over big.
Only our popular wars.
World War ll was a goldmine.
But Vietnam that's a plague.
Hold it.
Wait a minute.
I'm confused.
Either I'm confused, or somebody's not telling the truth.
I was told, Mr.
Greenleaf, that you knew nothing about the contents of Mr.
Mallory's new book.
Actually, I don't.
It's just that this morning, listening to Allen's voice on the tape, didn't he mention something about Saigon and a war? I I just assumed that You're absolutely right.
I'm sorry, forgive me.
Well, this is a puzzler.
I I don't know quite what to say.
Do you remember taking the gun out of your car? No, but Riley, I warned you not to say anything.
Will you please stay out of this? I can't watch you talk yourself into a murder charge.
You'll do exactly as I ask you to do, and I pay you handsomely just for that privilege.
So, please, stay out of it.
You say you've always kept your gun in the car? Yes.
Is that the car? It is.
May I take a look? Of course, if you'd like.
How long has this lock been broken? Well, I don't know that it is.
It's been jimmied, sir, and the scratch mark is fresh.
May I? I think you're absolutely right, Lieutenant.
I see what you're driving at.
You mean that that someone could have broken into the car, and that's how the gun was stolen.
It's possible, sir.
And the key.
Sir? The key to Allen's office, I kept an extra one here in the glove compartment, along with the gun.
No, it's gone, too.
Mr.
Greenleaf? Yes.
Telephone, sir.
It's Mr.
Trumble.
He says it's quite important.
David, would you take the call? I'm in no mood to discuss insurance, please.
I'll have him call back later.
Oh, no, wait.
You'd better find out what he wants.
Yeah, I guess somebody gave you a pretty good rap back here.
Oh, yeah.
That's a beauty, isn't it? That's the first time I noticed that.
No kiddin'.
I'll tell you, bodywork like that, gotta run you $100-$150.
Lieutenant, when you own a car like this, it costs that much merely to raise the hood.
No kiddin'.
Sure.
Listen, my wife's got a cousin in the Valley, who owns a body shop, I mean, if you want me to talk to him That's very decent of you.
You see, I have a cousin in Beverly Hills.
He does all my work for me.
Lieutenant, I have some disappointing news for you.
You'll have to stick this murder on somebody else.
Riley's got an alibi that even he doesn't know about and it's iron-clad.
Well, what is it? I mean, I'm very glad to hear that.
At 10:30 last evening, Riley Greenleaf was involved in an auto accident in the parking lot of the Moore Park lnn.
That's in Encino.
Encino? What the devil was I doing there? You were drinking at the bar, I'm pleased to inform you.
Then he was taken to jail, where he spent most of the evening in the drunk tank till I got him out.
An experience I don't wish to relive, thank you.
Yeah Yeah, son of a gun.
Well, I guess that just about does it.
You may say that again.
All I can say is, thank God.
A blackout is a frightening thing.
I must be grateful to those people for having the good sense to call my insurance company to report David, do you realize that if those people had not contacted Mark Trumble What what would have I don't even want to think about that.
That accident there, that must have been where you damaged the rear end of your car.
Yes, I suppose so.
Well, listen, I'd better go check this thing out.
Still, it's funny.
What's that, Lieutenant? Fingerprints.
The fact that only your fingerprints were on the gun.
Well, listen, I don't want to impose on you.
Thank you very much for the cooperation.
Oh, you're more than welcome.
Please don't hesitate to call if if there's anything I can do.
Oh, yes, sir.
Lt.
Columbo.
Sir? I suppose you realize what you almost did? Sir? You were going to arrest him, weren't you? Well, it did seem to me that that he was somehow involved.
Seemed.
When are you police going to realize that it takes more than circumstantial evidence to convict a man of a crime? David.
Evidence.
Find the evidence, Lieutenant.
Quit jumping to conclusions and quit trying to take the easy way.
Oh, Mr.
Chase, uh, one thing.
About that accident, do you happen to know who else was involved? It's a couple from El Monte.
Mr.
and Mrs.
Morgan.
Why? Well, you see, I didn't know, uh I just wasn't sure whether it was just one person in the other car, or whether there was more than one.
And, uh, when No, I was just telling your attorney that I wasn't sure whether there was just one person in the other car or whether there was more than one.
And when you said that you were relieved that those people, more than one, when you were relieved that those people called your insurance man, I thought maybe the blackout was starting to clear up, and you were beginning to remember what happened.
Perhaps he is, subconsciously.
That's probably it.
His subconscious.
I don't care what he says, David.
He's a 2-bit writer.
You tell him to sign the writer on that contract, or he's out.
Oh, he'll sign it.
He's hungry.
Thanks, David.
Yes, Betsy? Mr.
Greenleaf, there's a strange man wandering around the editorial section.
I thought you should know.
What do you want me to do? You want to get rid of him, call the police.
That's just it.
He says he is the police.
Look, you're not supposed to wrestle her to the deck.
You're supposed to make her swoon with passion.
Now give it to me.
Give it to me.
His T-shirt smells.
His T-shirt smells? Your T-shirt smells? Columbo, would you please tell me what you're doing here? Oh, I see you're free, sir.
The receptionist told me you were tied up, so I decided to wander around.
I hope you don't mind.
Yes, I'm afraid I do mind.
My people happen to be very busy.
Yes, sir.
I can see that.
I'm very sorry.
What are they doing in there? Oh, we're shooting a cover for a new paperback.
It's on anthropology.
Uh, Mr.
Greenleaf, I came by to tell you that I've checked out that accident, and there's no question about it.
You were there.
Oh, I can't tell you how relieved I am to hear that.
I'm I'm sorry I yelled.
The only thing I have to do now, sir, is try and find the person who framed you.
Frame me? Yes, sir.
It was a frame.
No question about it.
The fingerprints on the gun, too perfect, not smudged at all.
Now since we know that you didn't shoot Mr.
Mallory that means that whoever fired that pistol was very careful not to disturb your fingerprints.
I just can't believe that.
Oh, it's a frightening thought, all right.
But you know, you were very lucky, I mean with that accident.
I mean, the time it happened and the witnesses.
Count your blessings, sir.
You know, if it hadn't been for that accident, things would've looked very bad for you now.
You know, uh, lookin' at some of these posters got me thinkin'.
They got a guy down at the department who wrote a couple of books.
Maybe you've heard of him.
What's his name? Yes, I know who you mean, Lieutenant.
You know, he's only a sergeant and I've handled a lot more cases than he has.
I was thinkin' That maybe you might write a book? Oh, I'm not talkin' about a big book.
You know, I mean, maybe a short book, just to get the hang of it.
Some of my cases.
Sure, why not? Except that if you're gonna write a book, it takes a certain amount of skill.
Oh, I don't expect to be a great writer like Mr.
Mallory or anything like that.
No.
Uh, jeez, you know, that reminds me.
He must've been very valuable to you, sir.
The insurance guy told me that you took out a a life-insurance policy on his life.
$1 million? Oh, that's a usual practice in this business, Lieutenant.
But, as you say, valuable property.
That's right.
I forgot all about the policy.
No kidding.
That's funny.
According to my notes, the company sent you a renewal slip last week.
I wouldn't know anything about that.
We have an accountant that handles all that stuff.
Listen, I certainly hope you get the men that you're after.
If anybody can do it, you're the man.
Oh, thank you, sir.
Good luck with that writing, keep that up.
That's good.
Oh, I intend to.
You know, it's hard at home with the family.
Mmm-hmm.
Sure.
Oh, listen.
Uh, gee, I almost forgot.
There's one thing about the Mallory case that bothers me.
Maybe you can help me.
Um, I cannot figure out how the murderer got into Mallory's office since the lock wasn't broken, and there's no sign of forced entry.
With the key.
The one that you found on the floor.
The one that was stolen from my glove compartment.
You mean You mean this key? There it is.
No.
No, I guess this was part of the frame-up.
This key doesn't fit the lock.
I found out that Mallory changed the lock about three weeks ago.
He did? Yeah.
I guess he didn't want anybody goin' in there and lookin' at what he was writing.
Yes, but This key was left there to incriminate you.
No doubt about it.
But that still doesn't tell us how the murderer got into the office that night.
Well, evidently, Allen must have let him in, opened the door not knowing No, sir.
No, that would've been on the tape-recording.
Mr.
Mallory's voice was never interrupted.
No.
Whoever killed him got in without Mallory's knowledge, sneaked up on him when he was dictating.
It's puzzling, isn't it? Baffling.
Yeah.
There has to be another key to the new lock.
I'll tell you, if I could find the person with that new key, I'd find the person that killed Mr.
Mallory.
I don't envy you.
That is not an easy assignment.
Oh, listen, you don't have to tell me.
Okay.
Thank you very much.
All the luck.
Thanks.
Yeah? Hello, Eddie.
This is your publisher calling.
It's been three days, skipper.
What do you say we get together? Yes, I know Eddie.
Uh, would tonight be convenient? Your place? Better tell me where it is.
Yeah, What time? Oh, shall we say 2200 hours? You're learnin', skip.
Out.
Yes, Eddie, out.
Hello, Moishe? It's Riley Greenleaf, here.
I'll tell you what, I need a favor.
I need to have a key made for a door to a certain office building.
Problem is, I need it this afternoon.
You think you can swing that? Oh, fine.
Tell him I'll make it worth his while.
Yo, it's open.
Hey.
Hi.
I've been meaning to ask you, all this stuff that you keep here in your your home, is it legal? It's all made in the U.
S.
Of A.
Pull up a sofa.
Oh, hey! I made some drawings today for my chapter on Bouncin' Betties.
You did? Fine.
What's a Bouncing Betty? Anti-personnel mine.
You got to really plant these things just right.
Now you see, you lay it down six inches.
No more.
You leave the pressure plate with just about a half inch of dirt and leaves.
The guy steps on it.
Whammo! You get the legs.
It's beautiful.
Oh, yeah.
That's beautiful.
Well, it calls for a celebration.
A little little drinking? Hey, that's nice.
Real champagne? Absolutely.
Nothing but the best for Eddie Kane, huh? I'll have to get used to that idea.
You should, Eddie.
After all, you deserve it.
Perfect.
A toast, Eddie.
Shall we say, uh, bombs away? Bombs away? I like it.
I like it.
Right on.
Mmm.
Yeah, there we are.
I've been meaning to ask you, did you run into any problems the other night? No.
No trouble getting into Mallory's office? The door was open, but I left the key on the floor anyway, like you told me.
Splendid, now about the book.
Yeah.
Is there any information contained in the book, that could be in violation of military requirements or or defense secrets? Are you kidding me? All the specifications are in the manufacturer's brochure.
All I'm doin' with my book is to say how to use them right.
I've got ideas for bombs those guys never even thought of.
Here.
Never even thought of.
I got got this funny Something the matter, Eddie? I I don't know, I Dear Mr.
Greenleaf.
Is this the right place? For what? To park the car.
Permanently? No, I'm going in to lunch.
Hi, Sharon.
Hi.
How are you? Good to see you.
Oh, thank you.
Thanks a lot, Rocco.
You're welcome.
Excuse me, don't I need a parking check? Listen, mister, I'll remember your car.
May I help you? Uh, thank you very much.
Excuse me, Mr.
Neal? Yes? I'm Geoffrey, this is Lt.
Columbo.
Oh, yes, would you like to sit down? Thank you very much.
I don't want to bother you.
I called your office and they told me you were over here.
I I hope you don't mind.
Oh, no.
No, not at all.
Will you have something to eat? Oh, no.
Please Please join us.
Well, listen, now that you mentioned it, I could use somethin', so Charles, see what the Lieutenant will have.
Big menu.
Uh, Sweetbreads Financier Can't pronounce that.
The Trout Amandine is very good.
Amandine.
What is that with? That's with Almonds.
With almonds.
Fish.
Well, I was thinkin' of somethin' a little bit more, with body.
I'll tell you what, if you don't mind, do you have any chili? Chili? Yeah, with beans or without beans, either way, it doesn't make any difference.
Chili.
Ask Henri to see what he can do for our friend here.
Yes, sir.
Thank you very much.
I'll have a little iced tea with that.
Mr.
Neal, uh, what I wanted to ask you was How are you doin'? Fine, sir.
This is what I wanted to ask you, Mr.
Neal.
I understand that your attorneys are tryin' to get a release of Mr.
Mallory's manuscript.
Yes, 60 MILES TO SAIGON.
I agreed to publish it after Mallory's contract expired with Greenleaf.
And I want to get hold of it before he can, because, well, I'm afraid he's going to make trouble.
It's a very valuable book? We think so.
After all, the man has written nothing but bestsellers.
Uh, have you read it? Oh, no, nobody's read it.
Nobody? Nobody.
Of course, Eileen discussed the end with him.
As a matter of fact, I believe she even made a contribution to it.
Well, it was just a little one, believe me, Lieutenant.
Pardon me.
I'll have a little ketchup.
Ketchup? Ketchup.
All right, sir.
And some crackers.
Don't wait for us, Lieutenant.
Right.
Please eat.
I wanted to get those saltines if he had any.
Well Mr.
Neal discussed the book with Universal Studios.
They wanted a picture for Rock Hudson.
The only trouble with that was that Allen was planning to kill the hero off in the final pages.
Universal said, for $100,000, you don't kill off Rock Hudson.
As I understood it, Allen's hero was a P.
O.
W.
Who betrayed his own men, but then found his courage, came back, and helped them escape from the prison camp.
You see, Allen insisted that his hero had a tragic flaw which classically ends in death.
That's where Eileen was so helpful.
After the escape, after they get back to Saigon, Rock Hudson says goodbye to the girl who helped him regain his courage, says goodbye to the material world, and goes off to a monastery.
Is that good? If it sells, it is.
This chili's good, I'll tell you that.
Uh, the question that comes to mind now is can either one of you two people think of someone who might want to frame Mr.
Greenleaf? Frame Frame Riley? That's right, ma'am.
That's what I think happened.
I think someone's tryin' to pin this murder on Mr.
Greenleaf.
But, surely, you don't think that either one of us had anything I'm just asking the question, ma'am.
Well, I suppose I might have a motive, being his competitor.
But I'm sorry, Lieutenant.
That's not my style.
Anyway, if I wanted to frame Riley, it certainly wouldn't be for the death of Allen Mallory, who I very much wanted to write for us.
Oh, that's all right, I'm practically finished.
I'll have a check.
Oh, no, Lieutenant, please, please, be my guest.
No, no, uh, this is department business and when it's department business, the department pays for it.
All right, if you insist.
Excuse me, sir.
Are you Lt.
Columbo? Yeah.
There's a telephone call for you, sir.
Well, look, uh, I'll run along.
I want to thank you very much.
You've been very hospitable.
Good day, sir.
Pleasure.
Ma'am.
Having a hard time getting up.
Columbo.
Yeah.
Where? Your check, Lieutenant.
Can I borrow a pencil? Got it.
Thank you.
Thank you.
$6.
Excuse me.
No, I think there's a mistake.
I had the chili and the iced tea.
Oh.
$6.
75? I forgot to add the iced tea.
Name of Eddie Kane.
Blew himself up last night with a hand grenade.
Real weirdo.
Must've been rigging a bomb.
A bomb? What for? Don't ask me.
Looks like he's writing a book.
"How to Blow Up Anything in Ten Easy Lessons.
" The reason I had Central contact you, you know that murder downtown? That writer, Mallory? Yeah? We thought we had a case against the publisher, Greenleaf? Right.
Well, it may not mean anything, but I found Kane's address book, and Greenleaf is in it.
Riley Greenleaf.
Thought it might be something.
You son of a gun.
Hmm.
You mind if I look around? Go right ahead.
My boys are all through.
You want a cup of coffee or somethin'? No, no, thanks.
I just ate.
You want some advice? Be careful where you eat chili.
Why? Too hot? Too high.
Wait a minute.
What? I'll be a son of a gun.
I can't believe it.
"60 MILES TO SAIGON.
" Outline for a novel.
You think that ties Eddie Kane with the Mallory murder? Yeah.
Could be.
Lieutenant, you sure are lucky sometimes.
That's me.
I'm lucky.
You didn't happen to find a key chain on this fellow, did you? As a matter of fact, we did.
You didn't happen to find a key that doesn't fit anything in this place? Well, there's one for the door, one for his car, and this one.
Who knows? Oh, yeah.
Excuse me, Mr.
Greenleaf? Shh! Excuse me.
I'm sorry to disturb your movie, Mr.
Greenleaf, but this is very important.
We found the man that killed Mr.
Mallory.
Want to save it, Andy? Unfortunately, uh, he was killed last night.
His name was Eddie Kane.
He was killed? Yes, there was some kind of an accident.
He seemed to be fooling around with a homemade bomb.
Hmm.
Sounds gruesome.
It was.
Uh, for the purposes of my report, I wonder if you could tell me a little bit more about him.
Me? I never heard of the man.
Well, now, that's strange, sir, because your telephone number and your name we found in his address book.
That's bizarre.
I don't know how he obtained it.
I've never heard of any Eddie Kane.
Now, that's just not true, sir.
I, myself, went through his file drawer and I found a duplicate of a letter from Kane addressed to you, written nine months ago.
Had to do with a novel called 60 MILES TO SAIGON.
He was offering to write it.
He also enclosed an outline.
Now, that was the name of Mr.
Mallory's new book, wasn't it? I wouldn't know, Lieutenant.
He never discussed the book with me.
Mr.
Greenleaf, the point is, have you heard of Mr.
Kane, or haven't you? And I think you have.
And I think you ought to tell me about it.
You could do it here, or you can do it at headquarters.
All right, Lieutenant.
I never was a very good liar.
You might just want to know the truth.
Eddie Kane mailed me this outline last year.
And the moment I read it, I realized it had the makings of a very commercial book.
But I also realized that Eddie Kane was not the guy to write it.
I mean, he simply wasn't a writer.
Fortunately, Allen was looking around for a new idea.
When I showed him this, he jumped at it.
Lieutenant, I was not trying to steal it.
Quite the contrary.
I offered Eddie Kane $5,000 for it.
He refused.
He was like a wild man.
He was insulting, abusive But you didn't return the outline? It was too late then.
Allen was already at work on the book.
So what did Mr.
Kane do? He threatened me, threatened Allen, too.
I tried to reason with him.
I even offered him part of my profits, but he was adamant.
I never thought he'd be crazy enough to I guess he killed Allen and he tried to frame me.
You know, in many ways, I'm really to blame.
Well, I can understand how you feel, sir.
I mean, that wasn't exactly an ethical thing that you did, was it? No, no, it wasn't.
All right, Mr.
Greenleaf, I'll be running along then.
Oh, you don't mind if I take this outline with me? I just wanna take it to the lab and have them check the typing against Eddie Kane's typewriter.
No, of course.
You understand? Oh, sure.
Good day, sir.
Good day, Lieutenant.
Feel better.
Thanks very much.
Oh, I don't have to read anymore, Lieutenant.
This is the outline for Allen's book.
I can't believe it.
He wouldn't plagiarize this, he wouldn't have to.
Well, I'm sure you're right, ma'am, but I double-checked with the lab.
That synopsis was definitely typed on Eddie Kane's typewriter.
Well, I I wish I could help you, Lieutenant.
I I guess I can't.
All right, thank you very much.
I appreciate your time.
Sorry.
Oh, Lieutenant.
Yes? Your evidence.
Oh.
I get preoccupied, I forget my head.
You know, that synopsis, it's as though Allen dictated it himself.
Wait a minute.
Maybe he did.
May I use your telephone? Sure.
Could you do one more thing? Could you finish reading that? I don't understand.
Please, ma'am.
Would you just read it? You did find the key? On Eddie Kane's key ring, huh? Well, you should be very happy, Lieutenant.
When? Now? Tonight? May I ask, why there? Yes, of course.
I'll come right away.
Good evening, Mr.
Greenleaf.
You writing the great American novel, Lieutenant, or just boning up on the touch system? I want to tell you something, this writing is not as easy as it looks.
You know, uh, I was on a case once.
A candidate for the United States Senate.
He had a lot of security men around him 'cause there'd been threats against his life.
Now, in order to shake the security men, he changes clothes with his campaign manager.
Then he shoots the campaign manager and he makes it look like an attempt on his life.
Now, that's a heck of a story.
There's only one problem, I was telling my wife.
I got it all up here, I can't put it down here.
Lieutenant, very frankly, I don't give a damn about your senator or your story.
Now, look, I've got people coming over to my house tonight.
Just exactly what is your problem? Oh, forgive me, sir.
I didn't know you were expecting guests.
Did I tell you that the key that was on the floor next to the body didn't fit the lock? Yes, you mentioned it the other day.
You said that there had to be another key to fit the new lock, and when you had that key, then you'd have the person who murdered Allen Mallory.
Right.
Right.
I knew I only told one person, I wasn't sure who.
But it was you? Yes, it was me.
And now you just tell me on the telephone, you found that key, it was on Eddie Kane.
Right, we found it.
Here it is.
But there's a problem.
Well, what's the problem? Doesn't the key fit the lock? No, it fits, the key fits, fits like a glove.
All right, there's your answer.
Then obviously, that's the key that Eddie Kane used the night he came in here.
No, that would be impossible.
Why? Officer, would you bring in Mr.
Black? Just wouldn't be possible.
Look, forgive me for for seeming dumb about this thing, but I just don't understand.
You've just shown me a key that fits that lock.
Right.
Right, sir.
It does fit.
Good evening, Mr.
Black.
But, uh that lock wasn't on the door that night.
Oh, Mr.
Black, Mr.
Greenleaf.
Yeah.
How do you do? How do you do? Mr.
Black is a locksmith.
Right.
Mr.
Black, would you tell Mr.
Greenleaf when you put this lock on this door? Oh, that that was Thursday.
That was the day after that writer, Mr.
Mallory, was shot.
The day after? I don't understand that.
Who ordered you to change the lock? He did.
Yes, sir.
I did.
Which raises a very troublesome question.
That will be all, Mr.
Black.
For the life of me, I cannot figure out how Eddie Kane would have a key to a lock that was put on the door on my instructions the day after he shot Mallory.
Does that make any sense to you? No, not at all.
Why would Kane even come back here? Sure is a puzzle, all right.
You don't have any answers? No, not a one.
Beats me.
Well, thank goodness I got the answer to the other thing that was bothering me.
What other thing? Well, sir, I know you're expecting guests, so I don't want to hold you up anymore.
It's true, I do have to leave, and I haven't got much time.
But I am curious.
Now, what? As long as you're curious, sir.
I figured out how Eddie Kane got in here that night.
Uh, he didn't use the key that was removed from your car.
Mallory had changed that lock, and, obviously, he didn't use this key.
The fact is, he didn't use any key.
Well, how did he get in here then? He walked, the door was open.
Oh, the door was open? Yes, sir.
You see, the air conditioner had broken down.
That's why that window was open.
You can actually hear the street noises on the tape.
But, you know, an open window on a muggy night's not much help.
So I think Mr.
Mallory must've opened that door.
That created a nice cross breeze here.
Now, when Mr.
Kane arrived, well, the door was open, he just walked in.
Mr.
Mallory must've turned around and he shot him.
All right.
If that is true, and it sounds conceivable enough to me, but I don't see how that changes anything.
About what, sir? About what happened.
Now, look, Columbo, I've had you up to here.
And frankly, I'm not interested in locks and keys and open doors and air conditioners, and how he got in here.
What the hell difference does it make how he got in here? The fact is that some crackpot war veteran came in here, shot and killed Allen Mallory, and then frames me out of some insane belief that Allen and I stole his lousy little story.
Now, that's all I know.
And that's all I'm interested in.
Mr.
Wolpert.
I thought that name might mean something.
Let's see if we're talking about the same Mr.
Wolpert.
We know you two fellows know one another, so don't bother to hide it.
No, you're wrong, we don't know each other.
This young man may have seen me going That's a lie.
I resent that.
Mr.
Greenleaf, you told me that you knew nothing about the contents of Mr.
Mallory's new novel.
That's right, I don't.
That's another lie.
Thank you, Officer.
Good evening, Norman.
Good evening.
I met this young man the night of the murder.
Works for a manuscript service.
Picks up Mr.
Mallory's tapes, takes them to his company's office, the next day the typist transcribes the tapes.
Then he returns the tapes and the typed pages.
Except for the extra copy which he passed to you.
Now, that's nothing but assumption, it's pure speculation.
I've checked your bank accounts, you made five monthly cash deposits of $1,000 each.
Now, a court might want to know where you got that money on your salary.
You look at me.
You don't have to say anything.
I'm not talking about losing your job.
I'm talking about murder.
Don't you say a word.
I'll call my lawyer.
He's involving you in a murder.
Was that part of the deal? Look, um, I did get a set of the pages to Mr.
Greenleaf.
But I'm not involved in any murder.
I don't know a thing about a murder.
I believe you.
Go on home now, we'll get your statement later.
Thank you.
Go on.
All right, Columbo.
So he testifies that he gave me those papers.
What's that mean? It means you knew everything that Mallory was writing.
Day by day, including the ending.
Even if I knew the ending, that still doesn't mean that I was the one who murdered the man.
For $100,000, you don't kill off Rock Hudson.
In this synopsis that you gave me, which you claim Eddie Kane wrote nine months ago, the hero saves his men, and he goes off to live in a monastery.
I hate to tell you this, sir, but there is no way that Eddie Kane could've had that idea.
It wasn't even Allen Mallory's.
It was given to him by his agent, Miss McRae.
And for the life of me, I cannot figure out how Eddie Kane could have written an ending nine months ago that was only invented last week.
I guess you see my point.