Daria s02e07 Episode Script

The New Kid

Hey, Daria.
I didn't see you today.
You said you might come to the photography meeting for yearbook.
Yes, well, when the dentist turned off the gas, I had a change of heart.
But it's fun, and it looks good on your transcript.
I'm against both those things.
Free film and developing.
And if your parents find out that you're even considering it, you could probably squeeze some tremendous bribe out of them.
I'll think about it.
I can't believe you're trying to bribe me with singles.
Sweetie, it's not a bribe, it's a deal.
Honestly, you're worse than my clients.
I'm sorry.
Yearbooks completely distort the reality of high school.
Of course, the yearbook experience could provide material for a web page if I had the software.
Software it is! Hi! Big date! Can't talk! Bye! Hey! You're Daria, right? I'm Ted, the photo editor.
I saw your pictures.
Then cut the small talk and get straight to firing me.
That's funny, because it's the exact opposite of the truth, right? You're using sarcasm, aren't you? Actually, I was being sincere for once.
What planet are you from? Planet? Hey! Hyperbole! Very interesting.
But, seriously, though, I loved your photos.
Your composition seems very Spanish, not unlike the peasant paintings of Francisco Goya.
I'm a huge Goya fanatic.
You? Um, yeah, huge.
Actually, Goya liked to paint death, destruction, brutality.
You'd have made good pen pals.
And the interesting part is, he's never been to school.
His parents have taught him at home until now.
Isn't that kind of cool? I judge things by results, so I would have to say no.
Hey, sarcasm.
You two would get along.
If he makes you join his cult, can I have your web page software? He doesn't belong to a cult, and the shrink-wrap never comes off that software.
Soon as I get it, I'm exchanging it for Cannibal Fragfest on CD-ROM.
Computer ultra-violence.
Goya would have loved that.
Well, since you ask, I was kind of trying to get a high contrast of light and dark.
Neat! You must read a lot of Ovid.
I read Orpheus in the Underworld when I was six, and it still haunts me.
Uh, yeah.
Me, too.
You know, I had to talk my parents into let me go to a normal school.
When do you start? Irony! But I like it here.
I only wish that volunteering or charity fundraising got as much yearbook space as sports and clubs.
Come on! Mr.
DeMartino? Daria and I were just saying that there are some students at school who are really making a difference, and maybe we're short-changing them a little bit in the yearbook.
How noble.
Perhaps you think we should cut some pages from sports and clubs to make more room? Hey! Good idea, sir! Let me pause and reflect.
Everyone! Sports and clubs are cut by ten pages! Not my idea! You've been sabotaged by your own kind.
They thought of it.
This is going to be great! Hello? Hello, traitor.
It's a nice day, isn't it for a traitor.
How can I betray something I don't believe in? In case you didn't know, sports are, like, the beating heart of the yearbook um, system! Yeah! Plus, it's like getting in the yearbook is the only reason to join French Club in the first place! Gee, Brittany, what about your deep love for French people and their culture? Sorry this yearbook crisis is just messing me up! It's all right babe.
See what you've done? Traitor! It's totally rude! Completely heinous.
It's like this girl Daria doesn't understand reason, or something.
Well, I hear she's a brain.
You can't reason with brains.
I'm still going to talk to her.
As president of the Fashion Club, I can be kind of intimidating.
Oh, you're definitely scary, Sandi.
But I think this is a special case, so let me talk to her.
It would mean so much if you let me try.
You're the best.
No, you.
But you can't be serious about this.
Listen, Ted has a point.
It's that boy.
So, it's all about love, is it? It is not about love.
All right, keep it your secret to cherish always.
But just because you're going out Ted and I are not going out.
Just tell "loverboy" we want our yearbook back.
Did you hear that? You just used the verb "want" with the noun "book.
" Save the math games for your boyfriend.
Gosh, I'm glad you could come over.
Did you have any trouble finding it? The corn growing in your front yard sort of tipped me off.
We keep the squash and beans in the back.
I've got all these photo ideas that I want to tell you about.
I think a WPA black-and-white dust bowl documentary style would be perfect! Um, yeah.
Hey, what's this? Oh, that's the phonograph my dad and I made, and from what I've heard about television, this is just as good! Hey, I have some early music played on period instruments.
You feel like you're right there in front of the viola da gamba! Actually, Ted, maybe just quiet.
This couch is all wood.
You and your dad made it, didn't you? Georgia pine! Very soft.
Okay, that does it.
I'm sorry Ted; I can't keep up with you.
Keep up? What are you talking about? You're the remarkable one.
I mean, please don't take this wrong, but you've got it all.
Um, thanks.
Here, want some gum? I guess when all is said and done, we're just a couple of ordinary American teenagers.
Right? Ted? So this is gum! I like it! Mom! Dad! Gum! I got gum! Morgendorffers? If this is for Greenpeace, uh, we've already given.
Greenpeace? Those corporate puppets? Do we know you? Leslie Dewitt.
Grant Clinton.
Ted Dewitt-Clinton's parents.
Sorry, is he one of the boys who went out with Quinn the other night? Does this look familiar? Gum? Yes, from your daughter Daria.
Would you like to come in for a drink? Alcohol, I presume.
Well, now I see where she gets it.
I'll make a pot of coffee.
Caffeine?! I don't really understand the problem here.
You people are happy chewing on the empty offerings of so-called modern society.
We'd just appreciate it if you kept them away from our son's mouth.
Now, look here, hippy.
Daria may be a handful sometimes, but just because she gave your kid some gum is no reason It wasn't just the gum.
She also gave him this.
The Beatles? We've tried so hard, and nobody seems to care.
Who the hell is this Ted kid? And what's happening to our neighborhood? First people growing corn, now this? Well, maybe he is a little weird, but he's also a little sweet.
Isn't that important? Not as important as the fact that he never had gum before.
This is so cute! You're involved with a kook! We're not involved.
Hi, Daria! I was looking for you.
I carved you this necklace, as thanks for the gum.
That's beautiful.
I guess somebody here is involved.
Involved in what? Hey, who wants some hummus? I can't take this.
Keep it.
But I want you to have it.
I made it Ted, I can't take it.
We work together on yearbook.
We don't make jewelry for each other.
You aren't being sarcastic or hyperbolic, are you? No.
Oh, then I guess I'll see you at yearbook.
Did the right thing? Yeah.
A guy makes me a necklace by hand and I act like it's nuclear waste.
I did the right thing.
Okay, now you're being sarcastic.
But why haven't we heard about this boy before? Because he's a freak! Freak is, uh, good, right? Yeah, if you think belonging to a cult is good.
Plus, everybody in the cult has to wear ugly clothes and be completely unsocial.
It's the worst! A cult? Who is Ted and why haven't you told us about him, and is he trying to get you to join a cult? Oh, brother.
He calls himself brother? You mean like Brother Ted? No, like, "Oh, brother, you're all crazy.
" Ted is a nice guy from yearbook.
He's odd, but he's not in a cult.
And for the last time, we are not going out.
- She's obviously lying.
- Absolutely.
- No question.
Can't you talk to her, Quinn? Why don't you set her up with one of your friends? They're all normal.
Yeah, and that's exactly why they would laugh me out of town if I tried.
If you do, Mom and I will make it sweet for you.
How sweet? How does your own web page sound? Not as nice as the crunch-crunch-crunch sound of a new pair of shoes on the high school parking lot.
Deal! Quinn, you're the best.
I don't understand why we should help some random loser find a date.
Now, that's exactly the kind of negative attitude that says, "I'm a fashion news reader and not a fashion news maker.
" Thank you, Sandi.
But who will we get to be her date? Robert? You like being allowed to sit at the other end of our table, right? Uh, yes, ma'am! Then I have an assignment for you.
Yes, ma'am! Do you think I was too mean to Ted? Oh, brother.
He's not a brother, and he's not in a cult.
He's just very honest and ethical and smart, and I shouldn't have been so mean.
You're really into him, aren't you? No, but I do like the way he scares my parents.
Are you sure annoying your parents is good grounds for a relationship? It was for Romeo and Juliet.
Um, Ted, I think I owe you an apology.
Your necklace was beautiful and I was a jerk for not taking it.
That's okay.
Really? Good.
Then I was hoping you'd let me buy you a slice of pizza.
To be honest, Daria, I think maybe you were right.
We should keep our friendship on a strictly yearbook level.
Wait a minute.
Are you blowing me off? Well, my parents warned me that kids in conventional school can be kind of shallow.
You think I'm shallow? You sort of remind me of that really popular girl I've seen around Quinn, I think.
Do you know her? You'd probably get along.
Next on Sick, Sad World: hoax, or vision? Some people in Florida claim they've seen the face of Jesus on a penny! Look, when you get thrown off a horse, you have to get back up and shoot it, right? I guess so.
So, I know this cute guy who's got a huge crush on you.
Let's double! All right, this is either a plot to humiliate me, or you need me to go so I can do something for you.
Okay, okay, it's a trick.
If you come, Mom and Dad will extend my curfew by half an hour, plus I'm dating this guy Shawn who never shuts up.
I want someone else there who can talk.
- Forget it.
- Ten bucks? - Per hour.
- You're on.
Nope, I've changed my mind.
Come on, Daria! You want Mom and Dad to set you up with somebody? Oh, God.
Now, hurry up and get ready.
I want to get to the shoe store before it closes.
So, what exactly are we going to do on our date? What? Quiet, Shawn.
We'll drive around; go to a convenience store whatever.
The usual random teenage shenanigans.
Isn't that great? Talk to her! So, what do you think of UN-mandated emission control laws for Third World countries? Noble idea, but the UN's time table is unrealistic.
How about you? Uh, same.
Agree or disagree: trade embargoes are an effective way to deal with countries that vi-o-late human rights.
Agreed, but with major trading partners like China, our government always finds a loophole.
You? Yeah, same.
Can sports and clubs get their pages back in the yearbook? Okay, stop the car.
What? Quiet, Shawn.
Why? You two are getting along great! I should've known this wasn't a real date when Robert here kept calling me "Darcy.
" Sorry, ma'am.
And "ma'am.
" You were trying to buy my influence with a date? That's how we do it in America, comrade.
Nice work.
What? Quiet, Shawn.
The cards got mixed up.
From now on, you'll have to find a different table at lunch.
For the next week.
Thank you.
Thank you.
What? This one's great.
You can really feel the pain.
But aren't there supposed to be spotters at the trampoline? Well, I don't think even spotters could've stopped that fall.
Anyway, she's fine.
In fact, she fell off the uneven bars today, so it was clearly her own fault.
The angry villagers.
We want our rightful yearbook pages.
It's not fair that a couple of outsiders are dictating the way yearbook is done.
Hey, these two outsiders made a good suggestion, and if it's a good suggestion, who cares if it's fair? Stand your ground.
They can't make us go.
Hey, everybody! Why don't we postpone the showdown until after the sale at Cashman's? Not so fast.
I'm not leaving until I get results.
Shall we settle it with a grip contest? What's that? The geek's hurting me! Babe! Are you all right? That's it.
I'm talking to the union.
Next year, chess club.
That was a good trick.
Isometric exercises.
I've been doing them since age ten.
Ted, I've been thinking.
Can we bend our yearbook-only policy and maybe go out for some pizza? Pizza sounds great! Really? Pizza what's it mean? I hate to say it, but I think I enjoy this processed cheese.
What kind of process do they use? It's a sugarless version of the one for Ding-Dongs and Ho-Hos.
Ding-Dongs and Ho-Hos! You're crazy! I think that's kind of why I like you.
I like you, too.
That's what's really crazy.
I understand you're cutting the club pictures out of the yearbook.
We decided to shift the emphasis Oh, save it.
You know who the faculty advisor to the Science Club is? The same person who sponsors the Take Back the Night Lawndale High School women's self-defense club.
So, what do degenerate outsiders like us do after pizza? I thought maybe we could play some video games at the arcade.
Oh, no, I don't think so.
Gum is one thing, but They're harmless.
Besides, if you're drafted, you need to know about them.
I guess I am a little curious.
Come on, dudes, let's get over there.
Why? So we can hassle that chick Darcy and her date.
Why? I can't remember, but I think it's important.
What do you want? Castle scenario, underwater paradise, futuristic dystopia? I guess the castle one.
Okey-doke, boss.
Daria? It's too much, right? I feel a little sick myself.
It's not really representative of medieval society, but I have to say this is the coolest thing I've ever seen in my life! Uh, those are some friends of ours.
Can we join in? The royal throne! Good.
I need to sit down.
Not so fast, weirdoes.
Robert? That's Sir Robert, Darcy.
Ted? Wow.
I taught myself from the eleventh-century manuscript on swordplay.
It's easy.
No way.
I'm not going out like this.
Come on! Let's go, Daria.
We can catch them! This is making me nauseous.
You go ahead.
Ted, they're gonna close up pretty soon.
They'll have to pull the plug, then.
We still have a lot of fight left.
Right, men? It's my own fault.
He didn't even want to go to the arcade.
I told you: first date, stick to vandalism and loitering, but you always have to be different.
Heads up.
What you want to do is take the strain off your wrist and use more of your elbow.
Like this! Oh, yeah! You gotta show me on the machine.
Maybe after school? Okay.
You don't know where we might obtain some gum, do you? Boys playing swords.
I think that probably has some significance.
Oh, well.
At least we're still fighting the good fight at yearbook.
I'll see you later.
Ah, Daria.
I have some bad news about those pages we took from sports and clubs.
Ow, woman! I have to tell you something.
You joined the cult? There's no cult.
I had to resign from yearbook.
It was a question of ethics.
Again? Don't worry, she was on staff for a week.
She can still put it on her college application! No questions about ethics here.
So, then, can I keep the web page stuff? Actually, we gave it to Quinn.
Quinn? Did she remove the shrink-wrap? I don't believe it.
You did this yourself? Of course not.
I had one of the cuter technical types from school set it up for me.
I had to ask.
Oh, sorry it didn't work out with that Ted guy.
Isn't it funny that now it turns out that he's sort of cool and interesting? Yeah, hilarious.
Hey! Check it out! My web page had twenty-five hundred hits in just the last three hours! Really? I can beat that.
You don't even have a web page.
No but I can hit.
Written by Sam Johnson and Chris Marcil Transcript created by Richard Lobinske RĂ©ponses au blindtest : Daria meets Ted Liquid Liquid - Cavern Kevin and Brittany get mad at Daria Tracy Bonham - The One Daria goes to Ted's home Ali Crucial - Love Letters Daria and Ted go out for pizza Aqua - Turn Back Time Ms.
Barch beats up Mr.
DeMartino Orbital - The Box at the video arcade Presidents Of The USA - Video Killed the Radio Star Daria waits for Ted Bran Van 3000 - Drinking In LA Daria and Mr.
DeMartino Orbital - The Box closing credits Cake - Daria