Deadwood s03e09 Episode Script
Amateur Night
One-third of six is two.
The combination of the safe in the hardware store.
Which you should commit to memory against eventualities.
As was threatened by the arrival of those men last night.
Yes.
There are deeds, some 7% bonds, certificates, sundry receivables, one-third of six is two.
One-three-ought-six-two.
Yes.
The children and I are moving into the new schoolhouse today.
Good.
Ill walk with you.
I wish wed found out the last part for Mrs.
Bullock to tell the children.
We did as best we could.
Does four desks to a row seem right? Mm, if not, they aint nailed to the floor.
You aint seen Jane? The camp is to know theyre here.
The camp is to know theyre my employees.
If this knowledge came first from some disruption of traffic in the thoroughfare, I would have no objection.
All right.
And matters might deteriorate from there.
Coffee! Ready.
Well-positioned, Davey.
Yes, Sir, Mr.
Swearengen.
Eyeing them idlers outside Hearsts hotel.
Copperhead cocksucker Hearst, bringing in the fucking Pinkertons.
Not much of a horserace, Dan, between the appetite for blood and fidelity to political conviction.
Fucking Pinkertons! Do we have alternatives to enlisting reinforcements in Cheyenne? I knew I should have stayed packed from four days ago.
Some bullshits jumping off on the thoroughfare, Mr.
Swearengen.
Get out of the way, Hop Lee! Hang on.
Cocksucker! Cocksucker! Move along, ding-dong! Go get fucking Wu.
Question extant beingtill reinforced, can we learn the ways of church mice? Call on Tolliver.
You will not mistake the newspaperman.
He looks like a big turtle.
Published a letter meant to embarrass me.
That I authored his discomfiture should come clear only as events accumulate.
All right.
The top of my to-do list every morning, and every day gets away from me.
Anyways, here you are.
Here I am.
Als delegate, as far as him and you deal with Mr.
Hearst.
Will you still if invited to sit or will it take me offering a meal? Id sooner not sit, Sir, and already ate.
Only asking, ought I bear a message to Al? Nothing comes to mind.
Horsemen come to camp by torchlight last night.
Tell Al as we didnt wake to the apocalypse, I suppose all we need fear is their Winchesters.
The pillars of my existence who should know each other: Mr.
John Langrishe, my dear Aunt Lou Marchbanks.
With whose art I am most appreciatively familiar.
Uh, Mr.
Langrishe is now to my back, Aunt Lou, what you have long been to my belly.
I may say that so long as the nodals are quiet, that girth at the midriff, preached a sin by so many among the guardians of sacral well-being.
Is absolved as a danger by me.
Ive been heavy all my life.
Oh, I refer not at all to you, Dear Lady.
Salty, juicy ham this morning.
I must have it.
The usual for me, Aunt Lou.
Sit sit sit sit.
Must I do so four times? Ah, my closest confidant in the camp is Aunt Lou, and I say that with every awareness.
Wonderful.
I guess I must have went invisible over night.
I saw you, Drummer.
And yet you cut in front of me.
I just knew you wouldnt be eating.
Did I not see the gentlemen who is still upright arrive in the camp last night? I believe I may have as well.
I was on the porch of this structure, and you with Mr.
Swearengen on his balcony.
I believe he came in on horseback.
Not as a pedestrian, ironically, given his heavy-footed virtuosity.
What did Mr.
Swearengen make of the coming into camp of that man among his friends? Do allow me, Mr.
Hearst, as your corporal comforts advocate, in this regard to be neutral.
Let me show in your company on the subject of Al, no less rigorous a reticence than I exhibit with Al when addressing the subject of you.
Ah! My ham.
Good morning.
Morning.
Good morning, Louis.
I hope your night was uneventful.
Yes, maam.
Jims late so Ill watch till he arrives.
Thank you.
How have you been, Trixie? No complaints.
As if anybody would give a shit.
I come to put in some money.
Im glad.
Oh shit! You motherfucker! Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! I aint no Goddamn nurse! I gotta see to my business in this camp.
Toms rules.
You cant set if you aint drinking.
Hes buying for them that do.
Yeah, uh, and what if he messes hisself? For them that wipes him off.
I aint seeing him out.
I aint gonna fucking do it! You seem better of late at a distance than you appeared when last seen up close.
And now that youve seen me up close? I get the same impression, particularly of a clearness at the eye.
I am better.
Good morning.
Anyways, theres 12 bucks I deposit into my account.
If the currencys counterfeit, my fucking Jew boss is the culprit.
Do not, please, Madam, hasten your business or abridge it.
I dont need no receipt.
Trust the lady.
John Langrishe, Madam, of the Langrishe Theater Company.
How do you do, Mr.
Langrishe? Glad Im well to bid you good morning.
Id undertake two transactions.
Deposit of $4,000 and the borrowing of like amount.
Those would seem at cross-purpose.
Theater types being perceived as transient, nomadic without stake, so to speak, in a places particulars my redundant undertakings would allay mistrust of my kind endemic in such camps as these.
Oh.
No less weighty than my verbiage.
You have your loan, Mr.
Langrishe.
A pleasure, Mrs.
Ellsworth.
By way of publicity, this evening we conduct an amateur night.
I wish to state, unequivocally with this imposing gentleman as witness, I have no gossamer filament of doubt you have skills to delight and amaze.
They have their fucking fun with you, and in the morning, they treat you like dirt.
And you a fucking virgin No, and not pretending to be.
To be wounded by her callous ways.
All Im saying is she could have been nicer, and those steerers more fucking polite.
Assholes! Hey, we got a timber lease to work.
Get over there.
Dinh.
Oh, yeah, Im sure them scribblins as clear as fuckin rainwater to you, Johnny He who was stymied by a couple of fucking Xs and a Goddamn straight line.
Winks, grins, gives Wu the big okay.
Okay.
If I recall the drawing youre referring to, I believe the straight line signifying the bar was first made out by me.
As far as these pictures here, now I, not fathoming the full particulars, I feel I get the general drift.
You best trot upstairs with Johnny, Wu.
Show Al your work is finished.
But remember, Al, hehe aint near as quick as Johnny or fucking Jewel.
No, Al might be confused and treat you to a fucking ass-kicking.
Bok Gwai Lo.
Well, what does Tolliver know of the guns come to camp? Said he dont know nothing.
And you fuckin believe him, huh? I think, I did.
Felt like hes outside looking in.
We ought to form a fucking club.
Fucking Yanktons rejoined us for Christs fucking sake? Must have finished stealing from the Indians.
Wipe your ass, Hiram.
It feels strange at first, but the shit protects against blisters.
Will you be here after work? If I am, will you suck my prick? Well, if you aint, and a fella says Hirams trying to find you, if he dont go on to call you a cunt, hes cutting the message short.
Lets go, Morgan.
What, was it him that got you hooked on cocksucking? Get on the fucking wagon.
Ill be here, Hiram.
Try some shit on them blisters.
Let him fuck your ass.
He may raise your pay a quarter.
You might already be too loose.
See you this afternoon.
A room, if I may, unexposed to the gales which must blow through that hole above us.
Mr.
George Hearst, who is now the hotels owner, put the hole in that wall.
Enhancing not at all for me the prospect of a room in the holes proximity.
Could I get a wheelbarrow or the like? Yes, Sir.
Richardson! Wheelbarrow! Miss Stubbs? I guess youre near ready to take the children over.
Or are you ready now? Do I keep you from it? Oh, ImIm taking the children in an hours time.
Just now you give us happy respite from our numbers.
Anyways, Mose says the man was a Norwegger from Wisconsin, built the building around the tree so as to have sap on hand for syrup, which must takes like hell for being burr oak, but probably smells nice in a lamp.
Does anyone know why he left? No luck on that score.
Far as that, we came up empty.
Its too bad.
Its freer rein for the childrens imaginations.
Fewer facts, I guess, to trample.
I hope that youll walk with us, Miss Stubbs.
Oh Sure.
Good.
Ill see you in an hour.
I recognize, Mr.
Fields, that in any foreseeable future, Steve will not resume operations of the livery or pay on his note to the bank.
Be assured I am grateful for the expedient care you have taken of the livery and its occupants, having no obligation in this matter of any kind.
No shadow ought be on Hostetlers reputation that sold to Steve by me now taking leave.
No reasonable person would cast one.
I guess I can head out then, knowing the one in a 100 that is, wont sully Hostetlers name.
I got a life to live of my own.
As do all here in the camp.
Sorry to hold you all up.
Jesus Christ, whoever thought Id come to write an article? Have you a notice you wish circulated, Sir? What? By Article do you mean you have some notice youd wish published? By article I mean a fucking article.
What would be your articles subject? Youre a fat fucking bastard, aint ya? I think we ought best continue our conversation Sir, when youre not under the influence of spirits.
Something stupid looking about you.
I must insist you leave.
Fucking irritating! How you look makes me fucking embarrassed! Oh dear.
Oh dear!? Oh dear.
Youd better come help your friend.
Mr.
Merrick, Im sorry! Im so sorry! Swedgin, Hearst, Heng Dai? Were the opposite of fucking Heng Dai! Were bok gwai Lo, the two of us.
Bok gwai lo? Fuck bok gwai lo! Were not fucking heng dai! Were the opposite of fucking heng dai.
Now make your fucking point.
Yah! Swedgin! Hearst! Eek! Jesus fucking Christ.
Hes dead, for Christs sake, Wu! Hey, how about the canoe? Did you know that had been fucking invented yet, huh? Custer, chung kuo cocksucka, 150, Custer.
Custer City? Oh! Custer City! Wus holding his men outside Custer City.
Huh.
Cause you and Hearst are on the outs.
Clever precautionary fucking thinking, Wu.
Miss Stubbs.
Mr.
Utter.
Mr.
Langrishe.
The blessed Miss Stubbs, whose bust is so very prominent in the minds pantheon of the camp.
Some not 50 yards from us will put these of mine to shame.
As Ive made to Mr.
Utter a proposal, the answer to which he must generate only in privacy and after meditation, if youll excuse, Ill take my leave.
Well, I will too.
No no no, Miss Stubbs.
It is only I from whom he must be sequestered.
Your counsel may be invaluable.
If you can cartwheel or puff your cheeks like a fish we have a festivity tonight.
Ill live in hope youll attend.
There is a strange fucking bird.
Some kind of, uh, amateur night hes organizing, connected with his theater.
Some way I couldnt fathom.
A prelude, he called it.
Fuckin Jane ought to break out her bullwhip.
I nearly came to know for Mrs.
Bullock to tell the children why that schoolhouse has a tree growing through it.
The new one has a tree growing through it? Who the man was, why he built around the tree instead of cutting it down.
Mose couldnt find out where he got to.
Why does she need to know where the man got to for Mrs.
Bullock to tell the children about the tree? To finish the story.
More than where the man got to once he was through, Id think the story was of the tree and the schoolhouse built around it.
I guess youre right, though.
II guess children are like that, wanting to know all the information.
I guess thats how they are.
You got something to send, Miss Stubbs? I was just stopping by to say good morning.
Friends become adversaries.
Become now, I hope, friends again.
Doing any good for yourself? Oh, hard of late, Adams, doing that in Yankton.
That is something you would be aware.
From what I read on the crapper.
Washington harasses us for our difficulties in distribution to the Indians, thereby distracting the nation at large from Washingtons own fiscal turpitudes and miasms.
There amongst the turpitudes and miasms, you got caught stealing the money.
The money was not stolen.
There was an amount of siphoning off and certain irregularlities.
Sounds like it was regular as milking Bessie, 96¢ on the dollar.
Rank exaggeration.
If it was less than 90, you fucked generations of Indian Agents to come.
If saying so will let us go on, then, yes, we stayed above 90.
And did you lay a few cents by? A few.
Never enough.
Your star here is in ascension? Ive been keeping busy.
Tell me how.
Dont delete a single detail.
Thats a pretty taut line, Mr.
Jarry, not knowing how deep your hooks set yet.
How deep would 500 set it, time being of the fucking essence? Hard to know till its inside my pocket.
Id rather not produce it in this place.
Worse gets produced here pretty regular.
Much has been answered already.
Little has fucking changed.
Ugh, it was nightmarish.
Whatever cogent purpose the man may have had, his drunkenness kept him from conveying, and yet I had the eerie sense he knew what he was doing.
Maybe not so drunk as he seemed, huh? Details, Sir.
Did the newspaperman try to defend himself? Did he beg you to stop? Did he cry out? He said Oh dear.
Was bleeding and curled up like a baby.
Im guessing your bottom rib is cracked, and this contusion at your belly show the colors of the rainbow before its through with you.
Apparently, my expiration is not imminent.
Course, Im wrong as much as I am right.
What purpose might the man have had, Al, in feigning drunkenness? Allow you to penetrate the pretense? Teach fear while inflicting pain? You printed any letters lately, Merrick, that some miserable cocksucker would send an underling to punish you for? Bastard.
I should be ashamed that I didnt come to help.
Im so sorry, Mr.
Merrick, my dear friend.
Oh, cut it the fuck out, the both of you, unless you want to act to the cocksuckers purpose.
This came for the cocksucker, Mr.
Swearengen.
Take it to him.
Id like to punch him.
Give him the fucking telegram and no punching.
Long pulls on the laudanum as needed.
Check out that sow Tina, Doc, when the opportunity presents.
That aint the whiff of roses when she passes.
Have I bled on your bed linens, Al? You wouldnt be the first.
Do yourself a favor, Sol.
Stop thinking of that derringer as a problem solver.
It solved several for me.
Free fucking kindling, if you have need for it.
Our timber lease aint nothing but pecker poles.
Lets see them blisters Hiram.
Aw! Son of a Jesus Christ, Morgan! Stay inside.
Stay in here.
Help me.
I did, you motherless cuntto bleed out in the fucking mud.
Stand away till I find out what happened here! That fight was fair.
Bullshit! Corey was under orders not to draw.
Mans guns out of its holster.
Was it you took it out after he was down? Do you say I did? That saw me come from my store as you came down the boardwalk? I say someone did.
Corey had orders not to draw.
Youre fucking under arrest.
What for? For interfering with a fucking peace officer.
Come with me for questioning.
All right.
All right, Sheriff.
You tell your men to interfere.
Give me a reason to do what I want.
Cheyenne and Black Hills Telegraph Company, Mr.
Hearst.
Mr.
Blazanov.
Telegram for George Hearst.
I decline your gratuity, Sir.
Change in policy.
So where you gonna take this, Richardson? To finish curing in the smokehouse.
How long you gonna leave it in there? Three weeks.
How you remember three weeks is up? The notch where I sleep.
Beside the notches for my other hams.
You getting the hang of this, Richardson.
So next time I aint gonna asked you.
Only check did you make your notch.
Youll find it made, Aunt Lou.
Would you excuse us, Sir? Yes.
Odell is dead.
Jesus, help me.
They found him near the road to Rapid City.
How they sure its Odell? The letters I gave him were still on his person, and his Bible bore his name.
Get away from round me, Sir! You dont have to feign strength with me, Aunt Lou.
I aint pretending shit! Get the hell away from round me, Sir! Oh God! Oh my God! Get out of my fucking light.
Its me.
Who is me? The fucking eclipse? Mose Manuel.
Oh, really? I thought itit was Giganto, the runaway circus elephant.
Miss Stubbs has been looking for you.
Those kids need chaperoning to the new schoolhouse, Jane.
I cannot hear you, nor can I see you any longer.
You fucking drunken slob! Get up and walk them kids.
Okay, Giganto! Dont tusk me to death with your tusks.
How long do I have to assemble myself? Theyll be ready to go in a few minutes.
Shut up.
Im sorry, Mama.
Im so sorry.
I cant take it.
I cant take it.
Who produced their weapon first? Said they come out the same time.
We drew as one.
Thats a fucking lie.
Come here a second.
Shut up.
Are you as sure about your timber lease? What do you mean? As that this is truthful.
Are you as sure that lease aint worth fuck-all? Absolutely fucking certain.
Then nothing holds you here.
And arguing against you staying is who this fuck-head works for, and the man you shot in the fair fight.
Best you move on, taking your genius brother with you.
Um I aint showed myself to advantage here, Sheriff.
Im fully fucking aware.
Stay close.
I might need you for support.
I dont want to hold her hand.
You can lock arms instead.
Sheriff? Tell him I aint coming for his lecture.
Tell him I dont need it.
Tell him if my temper was gonna get the best of me, this cocksuckers brains would be on the floor.
Tell him I got it.
All right? Tell him Im on top of it.
Sheriff.
Theyre finished, Charlie.
I got it.
I told Mrs.
Bullock Id walk with her.
Well, go ahead.
Hello to Miss Stubbs.
Soap! Soap with a prize inside! Guaranteed prize in every case of soap! Soap! Soap with a prize inside.
Hello! As we have in Chicago, Denver and San Francisco, the Langrishe Troupe bids welcome to the Deadwood Camp! Nights to come will find us on the stage within.
Our enactments may bring an odd tear to the eye, and may be relied upon to produce guffaws and howls of laughter.
This evening, however, in memoriam of a passing colleague, whose jocund spirit hovers over our gay fiesta, I will give you his favorite epithet.
All the worlds a stage, and all the men and women merely players.
Tonight, we will be the audience to you.
How you feeling, Aunt Lou? Im getting dinner ready.
Dont.
Isnt right you serving supper to strangers when youre in such grief.
I want to.
No.
Kitchens closed.
The sustenance I would take in any case, Mr.
Hearst, like a newly-hatched bird, would come, I would hope, from your mouth.
Dont follow so damn close.
Kill you if I could, George Hearst.
Sir! Do you tumble! Do you have a colleague! Tumble, Sir! Tumble away! Soap with a prize inside! Magnificent! Well done! Bravo! A round of applause for our dueling gymnastics! And again, whos there next? Our pick of the week?! On you go, Sir.
Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! Young lady, youd raised your hand.
I have a sense you might favor us with a song.
Jesus loves me.
This I know.
When my dad died, I didnt even cry.
Here you are, Ill give you a dollar.
You cry right for him right now.
Oh! Look at this! Look! That is the best fucking thing I have ever heard in my life.
Indeed it is, Sir! Hell, its easy for you.
You didnt know the cocksucker.
Whats the upshot? What the fuck is that supposed to mean? I was arrested, I was locked up.
Whats the upshot? Go and sin no more.
Go ahead, Charlie.
Where? Go ahead to the fucking amateur night.
You dont mind? All right.
I believe Ill attend badgeless, Lest I put a damper on stupidities.
Grandpas trick! It is, yes.
And we oughtnt to let that spoil it for us.
Such elegance! Such dexterity! Ah, magnifico, magnifico! Lets hear it for the lariat lad.
Get outta here with that fucking nonsense.
Get outta here before I cut your fucking throat! Go on! Fucking amateur night.
Some people gotta fucking work, hmm? Look at this! A mystery from the east.
Magnificent, young lady.
Well done, young lady.
Well done, well done.
Little fucking James, huh? He is a chatterbox.
Why why why? Shut the fuck up and maybe youll find out.
He liked the tree house most of any.
Whats a tree house doing way the fuck up there? I like them school kids.
Well done, well done.
Ah! Orbs of gold! The wonderful Mr.
Richardson And his magic orbs.
And again, Sir, and again.
And again, Sir! Hidden talents! Richardson! Youre done.
Envy is a cardinal sin, Mr.
Farnum.
Cardinal sin.
How many are they? Another 200 could be brought to the hills if needed.
Why cant the soldiers near Sturgis vote twice? Reinforcements are available should poll watchers prove hostile to repeaters.
Come forward, God damn it.
My back fucking worsens.
I am so sorry, Sir.
Better you dizzy than me have to turn around and look at you.
These votes will support candidates of your preference in each office, Mr.
Hearst, as if cast by you yourself.
My stringent instruction from Governor Pennington is to convey upon my return a confirmation in your hand that that we have had this conversation.
Then the Governor in turn confirms the rumor hes a moron.
My heavens, no.
I do mean that he would seek your signature on any itemizing of particulars, merely to confirm the fact that I spoke to you.
Oh My God.
Oft confused with the most high, though our inseams got different lengths.
Fuck you.
Fuck you! You cant come in here, Cy.
I suppose I could if I want to.
If you need us to talk, we can do it somewheres else.
It aint for you to come in here.
Fuck you, Joanie Stubbs, and your fucked-out whores thinking whats mine to come into and aint.
Come on, girl.
Come on close.
Come on.
Mose! Help, Miss Stubbs.
Im too afraid.
What a lovely tree inside a building.
Is that a darling fucking tree house in the precious fucking branches for the shitheel little kids to play amongst in jolly joy? Get away, you! Well now, Mose.
Go on! You fat bastard.
Ill hold your heart in my hand for your beady little rat eyes to look at before I shove it down your fucking throat! Cy! I wonder how till tonight I found my way in the world at all, not having my steps directed at every fucking quarter.
Go along.
I got fucking places to go.
Isnt this fun, man? Huh? Ah! The camp giant! What a figure! What a figure.
Look at this! Look at this! Look at that, Ladies and Gentlemen.
Well done! Bravo, bravo! Bravo.
Magnificent.
As I was a-walking down by St.
James Hospital As I was a walking down by there one day Who should I spy but one of my comrades.
All wrapped up in flannel and gray was the day I asked him what ailed him, I asked him what failed him, I asked him the cause of all his complaint Twas all on account of some handsome young woman tis the reason why I weep and lament.
If she had but told me before she disordered me If she had but told me all but in time I mighta got pills and salts of white mercury but now Im cut down in the height of my prime.
Get six young soldiers to carry my coffin And six young girls to sing me a song I let each of them bear a bunch of green laurel so they dont have to smell me as they bear me along.
So dont muffle your drums and play your fifes merrily And play a quick march as you carry me along And blaze your bright muskets all over my coffin saying there goes an unfortunate lad to his home.
Transcripts : Cristi Brockway
The combination of the safe in the hardware store.
Which you should commit to memory against eventualities.
As was threatened by the arrival of those men last night.
Yes.
There are deeds, some 7% bonds, certificates, sundry receivables, one-third of six is two.
One-three-ought-six-two.
Yes.
The children and I are moving into the new schoolhouse today.
Good.
Ill walk with you.
I wish wed found out the last part for Mrs.
Bullock to tell the children.
We did as best we could.
Does four desks to a row seem right? Mm, if not, they aint nailed to the floor.
You aint seen Jane? The camp is to know theyre here.
The camp is to know theyre my employees.
If this knowledge came first from some disruption of traffic in the thoroughfare, I would have no objection.
All right.
And matters might deteriorate from there.
Coffee! Ready.
Well-positioned, Davey.
Yes, Sir, Mr.
Swearengen.
Eyeing them idlers outside Hearsts hotel.
Copperhead cocksucker Hearst, bringing in the fucking Pinkertons.
Not much of a horserace, Dan, between the appetite for blood and fidelity to political conviction.
Fucking Pinkertons! Do we have alternatives to enlisting reinforcements in Cheyenne? I knew I should have stayed packed from four days ago.
Some bullshits jumping off on the thoroughfare, Mr.
Swearengen.
Get out of the way, Hop Lee! Hang on.
Cocksucker! Cocksucker! Move along, ding-dong! Go get fucking Wu.
Question extant beingtill reinforced, can we learn the ways of church mice? Call on Tolliver.
You will not mistake the newspaperman.
He looks like a big turtle.
Published a letter meant to embarrass me.
That I authored his discomfiture should come clear only as events accumulate.
All right.
The top of my to-do list every morning, and every day gets away from me.
Anyways, here you are.
Here I am.
Als delegate, as far as him and you deal with Mr.
Hearst.
Will you still if invited to sit or will it take me offering a meal? Id sooner not sit, Sir, and already ate.
Only asking, ought I bear a message to Al? Nothing comes to mind.
Horsemen come to camp by torchlight last night.
Tell Al as we didnt wake to the apocalypse, I suppose all we need fear is their Winchesters.
The pillars of my existence who should know each other: Mr.
John Langrishe, my dear Aunt Lou Marchbanks.
With whose art I am most appreciatively familiar.
Uh, Mr.
Langrishe is now to my back, Aunt Lou, what you have long been to my belly.
I may say that so long as the nodals are quiet, that girth at the midriff, preached a sin by so many among the guardians of sacral well-being.
Is absolved as a danger by me.
Ive been heavy all my life.
Oh, I refer not at all to you, Dear Lady.
Salty, juicy ham this morning.
I must have it.
The usual for me, Aunt Lou.
Sit sit sit sit.
Must I do so four times? Ah, my closest confidant in the camp is Aunt Lou, and I say that with every awareness.
Wonderful.
I guess I must have went invisible over night.
I saw you, Drummer.
And yet you cut in front of me.
I just knew you wouldnt be eating.
Did I not see the gentlemen who is still upright arrive in the camp last night? I believe I may have as well.
I was on the porch of this structure, and you with Mr.
Swearengen on his balcony.
I believe he came in on horseback.
Not as a pedestrian, ironically, given his heavy-footed virtuosity.
What did Mr.
Swearengen make of the coming into camp of that man among his friends? Do allow me, Mr.
Hearst, as your corporal comforts advocate, in this regard to be neutral.
Let me show in your company on the subject of Al, no less rigorous a reticence than I exhibit with Al when addressing the subject of you.
Ah! My ham.
Good morning.
Morning.
Good morning, Louis.
I hope your night was uneventful.
Yes, maam.
Jims late so Ill watch till he arrives.
Thank you.
How have you been, Trixie? No complaints.
As if anybody would give a shit.
I come to put in some money.
Im glad.
Oh shit! You motherfucker! Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! I aint no Goddamn nurse! I gotta see to my business in this camp.
Toms rules.
You cant set if you aint drinking.
Hes buying for them that do.
Yeah, uh, and what if he messes hisself? For them that wipes him off.
I aint seeing him out.
I aint gonna fucking do it! You seem better of late at a distance than you appeared when last seen up close.
And now that youve seen me up close? I get the same impression, particularly of a clearness at the eye.
I am better.
Good morning.
Anyways, theres 12 bucks I deposit into my account.
If the currencys counterfeit, my fucking Jew boss is the culprit.
Do not, please, Madam, hasten your business or abridge it.
I dont need no receipt.
Trust the lady.
John Langrishe, Madam, of the Langrishe Theater Company.
How do you do, Mr.
Langrishe? Glad Im well to bid you good morning.
Id undertake two transactions.
Deposit of $4,000 and the borrowing of like amount.
Those would seem at cross-purpose.
Theater types being perceived as transient, nomadic without stake, so to speak, in a places particulars my redundant undertakings would allay mistrust of my kind endemic in such camps as these.
Oh.
No less weighty than my verbiage.
You have your loan, Mr.
Langrishe.
A pleasure, Mrs.
Ellsworth.
By way of publicity, this evening we conduct an amateur night.
I wish to state, unequivocally with this imposing gentleman as witness, I have no gossamer filament of doubt you have skills to delight and amaze.
They have their fucking fun with you, and in the morning, they treat you like dirt.
And you a fucking virgin No, and not pretending to be.
To be wounded by her callous ways.
All Im saying is she could have been nicer, and those steerers more fucking polite.
Assholes! Hey, we got a timber lease to work.
Get over there.
Dinh.
Oh, yeah, Im sure them scribblins as clear as fuckin rainwater to you, Johnny He who was stymied by a couple of fucking Xs and a Goddamn straight line.
Winks, grins, gives Wu the big okay.
Okay.
If I recall the drawing youre referring to, I believe the straight line signifying the bar was first made out by me.
As far as these pictures here, now I, not fathoming the full particulars, I feel I get the general drift.
You best trot upstairs with Johnny, Wu.
Show Al your work is finished.
But remember, Al, hehe aint near as quick as Johnny or fucking Jewel.
No, Al might be confused and treat you to a fucking ass-kicking.
Bok Gwai Lo.
Well, what does Tolliver know of the guns come to camp? Said he dont know nothing.
And you fuckin believe him, huh? I think, I did.
Felt like hes outside looking in.
We ought to form a fucking club.
Fucking Yanktons rejoined us for Christs fucking sake? Must have finished stealing from the Indians.
Wipe your ass, Hiram.
It feels strange at first, but the shit protects against blisters.
Will you be here after work? If I am, will you suck my prick? Well, if you aint, and a fella says Hirams trying to find you, if he dont go on to call you a cunt, hes cutting the message short.
Lets go, Morgan.
What, was it him that got you hooked on cocksucking? Get on the fucking wagon.
Ill be here, Hiram.
Try some shit on them blisters.
Let him fuck your ass.
He may raise your pay a quarter.
You might already be too loose.
See you this afternoon.
A room, if I may, unexposed to the gales which must blow through that hole above us.
Mr.
George Hearst, who is now the hotels owner, put the hole in that wall.
Enhancing not at all for me the prospect of a room in the holes proximity.
Could I get a wheelbarrow or the like? Yes, Sir.
Richardson! Wheelbarrow! Miss Stubbs? I guess youre near ready to take the children over.
Or are you ready now? Do I keep you from it? Oh, ImIm taking the children in an hours time.
Just now you give us happy respite from our numbers.
Anyways, Mose says the man was a Norwegger from Wisconsin, built the building around the tree so as to have sap on hand for syrup, which must takes like hell for being burr oak, but probably smells nice in a lamp.
Does anyone know why he left? No luck on that score.
Far as that, we came up empty.
Its too bad.
Its freer rein for the childrens imaginations.
Fewer facts, I guess, to trample.
I hope that youll walk with us, Miss Stubbs.
Oh Sure.
Good.
Ill see you in an hour.
I recognize, Mr.
Fields, that in any foreseeable future, Steve will not resume operations of the livery or pay on his note to the bank.
Be assured I am grateful for the expedient care you have taken of the livery and its occupants, having no obligation in this matter of any kind.
No shadow ought be on Hostetlers reputation that sold to Steve by me now taking leave.
No reasonable person would cast one.
I guess I can head out then, knowing the one in a 100 that is, wont sully Hostetlers name.
I got a life to live of my own.
As do all here in the camp.
Sorry to hold you all up.
Jesus Christ, whoever thought Id come to write an article? Have you a notice you wish circulated, Sir? What? By Article do you mean you have some notice youd wish published? By article I mean a fucking article.
What would be your articles subject? Youre a fat fucking bastard, aint ya? I think we ought best continue our conversation Sir, when youre not under the influence of spirits.
Something stupid looking about you.
I must insist you leave.
Fucking irritating! How you look makes me fucking embarrassed! Oh dear.
Oh dear!? Oh dear.
Youd better come help your friend.
Mr.
Merrick, Im sorry! Im so sorry! Swedgin, Hearst, Heng Dai? Were the opposite of fucking Heng Dai! Were bok gwai Lo, the two of us.
Bok gwai lo? Fuck bok gwai lo! Were not fucking heng dai! Were the opposite of fucking heng dai.
Now make your fucking point.
Yah! Swedgin! Hearst! Eek! Jesus fucking Christ.
Hes dead, for Christs sake, Wu! Hey, how about the canoe? Did you know that had been fucking invented yet, huh? Custer, chung kuo cocksucka, 150, Custer.
Custer City? Oh! Custer City! Wus holding his men outside Custer City.
Huh.
Cause you and Hearst are on the outs.
Clever precautionary fucking thinking, Wu.
Miss Stubbs.
Mr.
Utter.
Mr.
Langrishe.
The blessed Miss Stubbs, whose bust is so very prominent in the minds pantheon of the camp.
Some not 50 yards from us will put these of mine to shame.
As Ive made to Mr.
Utter a proposal, the answer to which he must generate only in privacy and after meditation, if youll excuse, Ill take my leave.
Well, I will too.
No no no, Miss Stubbs.
It is only I from whom he must be sequestered.
Your counsel may be invaluable.
If you can cartwheel or puff your cheeks like a fish we have a festivity tonight.
Ill live in hope youll attend.
There is a strange fucking bird.
Some kind of, uh, amateur night hes organizing, connected with his theater.
Some way I couldnt fathom.
A prelude, he called it.
Fuckin Jane ought to break out her bullwhip.
I nearly came to know for Mrs.
Bullock to tell the children why that schoolhouse has a tree growing through it.
The new one has a tree growing through it? Who the man was, why he built around the tree instead of cutting it down.
Mose couldnt find out where he got to.
Why does she need to know where the man got to for Mrs.
Bullock to tell the children about the tree? To finish the story.
More than where the man got to once he was through, Id think the story was of the tree and the schoolhouse built around it.
I guess youre right, though.
II guess children are like that, wanting to know all the information.
I guess thats how they are.
You got something to send, Miss Stubbs? I was just stopping by to say good morning.
Friends become adversaries.
Become now, I hope, friends again.
Doing any good for yourself? Oh, hard of late, Adams, doing that in Yankton.
That is something you would be aware.
From what I read on the crapper.
Washington harasses us for our difficulties in distribution to the Indians, thereby distracting the nation at large from Washingtons own fiscal turpitudes and miasms.
There amongst the turpitudes and miasms, you got caught stealing the money.
The money was not stolen.
There was an amount of siphoning off and certain irregularlities.
Sounds like it was regular as milking Bessie, 96¢ on the dollar.
Rank exaggeration.
If it was less than 90, you fucked generations of Indian Agents to come.
If saying so will let us go on, then, yes, we stayed above 90.
And did you lay a few cents by? A few.
Never enough.
Your star here is in ascension? Ive been keeping busy.
Tell me how.
Dont delete a single detail.
Thats a pretty taut line, Mr.
Jarry, not knowing how deep your hooks set yet.
How deep would 500 set it, time being of the fucking essence? Hard to know till its inside my pocket.
Id rather not produce it in this place.
Worse gets produced here pretty regular.
Much has been answered already.
Little has fucking changed.
Ugh, it was nightmarish.
Whatever cogent purpose the man may have had, his drunkenness kept him from conveying, and yet I had the eerie sense he knew what he was doing.
Maybe not so drunk as he seemed, huh? Details, Sir.
Did the newspaperman try to defend himself? Did he beg you to stop? Did he cry out? He said Oh dear.
Was bleeding and curled up like a baby.
Im guessing your bottom rib is cracked, and this contusion at your belly show the colors of the rainbow before its through with you.
Apparently, my expiration is not imminent.
Course, Im wrong as much as I am right.
What purpose might the man have had, Al, in feigning drunkenness? Allow you to penetrate the pretense? Teach fear while inflicting pain? You printed any letters lately, Merrick, that some miserable cocksucker would send an underling to punish you for? Bastard.
I should be ashamed that I didnt come to help.
Im so sorry, Mr.
Merrick, my dear friend.
Oh, cut it the fuck out, the both of you, unless you want to act to the cocksuckers purpose.
This came for the cocksucker, Mr.
Swearengen.
Take it to him.
Id like to punch him.
Give him the fucking telegram and no punching.
Long pulls on the laudanum as needed.
Check out that sow Tina, Doc, when the opportunity presents.
That aint the whiff of roses when she passes.
Have I bled on your bed linens, Al? You wouldnt be the first.
Do yourself a favor, Sol.
Stop thinking of that derringer as a problem solver.
It solved several for me.
Free fucking kindling, if you have need for it.
Our timber lease aint nothing but pecker poles.
Lets see them blisters Hiram.
Aw! Son of a Jesus Christ, Morgan! Stay inside.
Stay in here.
Help me.
I did, you motherless cuntto bleed out in the fucking mud.
Stand away till I find out what happened here! That fight was fair.
Bullshit! Corey was under orders not to draw.
Mans guns out of its holster.
Was it you took it out after he was down? Do you say I did? That saw me come from my store as you came down the boardwalk? I say someone did.
Corey had orders not to draw.
Youre fucking under arrest.
What for? For interfering with a fucking peace officer.
Come with me for questioning.
All right.
All right, Sheriff.
You tell your men to interfere.
Give me a reason to do what I want.
Cheyenne and Black Hills Telegraph Company, Mr.
Hearst.
Mr.
Blazanov.
Telegram for George Hearst.
I decline your gratuity, Sir.
Change in policy.
So where you gonna take this, Richardson? To finish curing in the smokehouse.
How long you gonna leave it in there? Three weeks.
How you remember three weeks is up? The notch where I sleep.
Beside the notches for my other hams.
You getting the hang of this, Richardson.
So next time I aint gonna asked you.
Only check did you make your notch.
Youll find it made, Aunt Lou.
Would you excuse us, Sir? Yes.
Odell is dead.
Jesus, help me.
They found him near the road to Rapid City.
How they sure its Odell? The letters I gave him were still on his person, and his Bible bore his name.
Get away from round me, Sir! You dont have to feign strength with me, Aunt Lou.
I aint pretending shit! Get the hell away from round me, Sir! Oh God! Oh my God! Get out of my fucking light.
Its me.
Who is me? The fucking eclipse? Mose Manuel.
Oh, really? I thought itit was Giganto, the runaway circus elephant.
Miss Stubbs has been looking for you.
Those kids need chaperoning to the new schoolhouse, Jane.
I cannot hear you, nor can I see you any longer.
You fucking drunken slob! Get up and walk them kids.
Okay, Giganto! Dont tusk me to death with your tusks.
How long do I have to assemble myself? Theyll be ready to go in a few minutes.
Shut up.
Im sorry, Mama.
Im so sorry.
I cant take it.
I cant take it.
Who produced their weapon first? Said they come out the same time.
We drew as one.
Thats a fucking lie.
Come here a second.
Shut up.
Are you as sure about your timber lease? What do you mean? As that this is truthful.
Are you as sure that lease aint worth fuck-all? Absolutely fucking certain.
Then nothing holds you here.
And arguing against you staying is who this fuck-head works for, and the man you shot in the fair fight.
Best you move on, taking your genius brother with you.
Um I aint showed myself to advantage here, Sheriff.
Im fully fucking aware.
Stay close.
I might need you for support.
I dont want to hold her hand.
You can lock arms instead.
Sheriff? Tell him I aint coming for his lecture.
Tell him I dont need it.
Tell him if my temper was gonna get the best of me, this cocksuckers brains would be on the floor.
Tell him I got it.
All right? Tell him Im on top of it.
Sheriff.
Theyre finished, Charlie.
I got it.
I told Mrs.
Bullock Id walk with her.
Well, go ahead.
Hello to Miss Stubbs.
Soap! Soap with a prize inside! Guaranteed prize in every case of soap! Soap! Soap with a prize inside.
Hello! As we have in Chicago, Denver and San Francisco, the Langrishe Troupe bids welcome to the Deadwood Camp! Nights to come will find us on the stage within.
Our enactments may bring an odd tear to the eye, and may be relied upon to produce guffaws and howls of laughter.
This evening, however, in memoriam of a passing colleague, whose jocund spirit hovers over our gay fiesta, I will give you his favorite epithet.
All the worlds a stage, and all the men and women merely players.
Tonight, we will be the audience to you.
How you feeling, Aunt Lou? Im getting dinner ready.
Dont.
Isnt right you serving supper to strangers when youre in such grief.
I want to.
No.
Kitchens closed.
The sustenance I would take in any case, Mr.
Hearst, like a newly-hatched bird, would come, I would hope, from your mouth.
Dont follow so damn close.
Kill you if I could, George Hearst.
Sir! Do you tumble! Do you have a colleague! Tumble, Sir! Tumble away! Soap with a prize inside! Magnificent! Well done! Bravo! A round of applause for our dueling gymnastics! And again, whos there next? Our pick of the week?! On you go, Sir.
Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! Young lady, youd raised your hand.
I have a sense you might favor us with a song.
Jesus loves me.
This I know.
When my dad died, I didnt even cry.
Here you are, Ill give you a dollar.
You cry right for him right now.
Oh! Look at this! Look! That is the best fucking thing I have ever heard in my life.
Indeed it is, Sir! Hell, its easy for you.
You didnt know the cocksucker.
Whats the upshot? What the fuck is that supposed to mean? I was arrested, I was locked up.
Whats the upshot? Go and sin no more.
Go ahead, Charlie.
Where? Go ahead to the fucking amateur night.
You dont mind? All right.
I believe Ill attend badgeless, Lest I put a damper on stupidities.
Grandpas trick! It is, yes.
And we oughtnt to let that spoil it for us.
Such elegance! Such dexterity! Ah, magnifico, magnifico! Lets hear it for the lariat lad.
Get outta here with that fucking nonsense.
Get outta here before I cut your fucking throat! Go on! Fucking amateur night.
Some people gotta fucking work, hmm? Look at this! A mystery from the east.
Magnificent, young lady.
Well done, young lady.
Well done, well done.
Little fucking James, huh? He is a chatterbox.
Why why why? Shut the fuck up and maybe youll find out.
He liked the tree house most of any.
Whats a tree house doing way the fuck up there? I like them school kids.
Well done, well done.
Ah! Orbs of gold! The wonderful Mr.
Richardson And his magic orbs.
And again, Sir, and again.
And again, Sir! Hidden talents! Richardson! Youre done.
Envy is a cardinal sin, Mr.
Farnum.
Cardinal sin.
How many are they? Another 200 could be brought to the hills if needed.
Why cant the soldiers near Sturgis vote twice? Reinforcements are available should poll watchers prove hostile to repeaters.
Come forward, God damn it.
My back fucking worsens.
I am so sorry, Sir.
Better you dizzy than me have to turn around and look at you.
These votes will support candidates of your preference in each office, Mr.
Hearst, as if cast by you yourself.
My stringent instruction from Governor Pennington is to convey upon my return a confirmation in your hand that that we have had this conversation.
Then the Governor in turn confirms the rumor hes a moron.
My heavens, no.
I do mean that he would seek your signature on any itemizing of particulars, merely to confirm the fact that I spoke to you.
Oh My God.
Oft confused with the most high, though our inseams got different lengths.
Fuck you.
Fuck you! You cant come in here, Cy.
I suppose I could if I want to.
If you need us to talk, we can do it somewheres else.
It aint for you to come in here.
Fuck you, Joanie Stubbs, and your fucked-out whores thinking whats mine to come into and aint.
Come on, girl.
Come on close.
Come on.
Mose! Help, Miss Stubbs.
Im too afraid.
What a lovely tree inside a building.
Is that a darling fucking tree house in the precious fucking branches for the shitheel little kids to play amongst in jolly joy? Get away, you! Well now, Mose.
Go on! You fat bastard.
Ill hold your heart in my hand for your beady little rat eyes to look at before I shove it down your fucking throat! Cy! I wonder how till tonight I found my way in the world at all, not having my steps directed at every fucking quarter.
Go along.
I got fucking places to go.
Isnt this fun, man? Huh? Ah! The camp giant! What a figure! What a figure.
Look at this! Look at this! Look at that, Ladies and Gentlemen.
Well done! Bravo, bravo! Bravo.
Magnificent.
As I was a-walking down by St.
James Hospital As I was a walking down by there one day Who should I spy but one of my comrades.
All wrapped up in flannel and gray was the day I asked him what ailed him, I asked him what failed him, I asked him the cause of all his complaint Twas all on account of some handsome young woman tis the reason why I weep and lament.
If she had but told me before she disordered me If she had but told me all but in time I mighta got pills and salts of white mercury but now Im cut down in the height of my prime.
Get six young soldiers to carry my coffin And six young girls to sing me a song I let each of them bear a bunch of green laurel so they dont have to smell me as they bear me along.
So dont muffle your drums and play your fifes merrily And play a quick march as you carry me along And blaze your bright muskets all over my coffin saying there goes an unfortunate lad to his home.
Transcripts : Cristi Brockway