Dirty Jobs (2005) s01e26 Episode Script

Mike's Day Off Special

My name is Mike rowe, and this is my job.
I explore the country looking for people who aren't afraid to get dirty Eat it! Eat it! Eat it? Eat what? Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Hardworking men and women who earn an honest living Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
Doing the kinds of jobs that make civilized life possible for the rest of us.
Now, get ready to get dirty.
[ Retching .]
Coming up on "dirty jobs," meet Eddie barbini and Craig piligian, the executive producers of "dirty jobs," otherwise known as my bosses.
It's a bad day to be an executive producer.
You'll normally find them sitting at their desks.
My job's tougher than Mike rowe's.
But this time, they'll be standing up.
Push! I used to know how to do all this stuff.
Cleaning port-a-potties This is a somewhat humbling experience.
Making custom wheels for cars I sort of screwed this up.
And getting a taste of what I go through every day.
[ Retching .]
And for me, finally A day off.
So I'm celebrating here, at the doctor's office, getting my "dirty jobs" check-up.
Oh, crap! For everyone who's ever wanted to tell their boss where to go, this "dirty jobs" is for you.
What do you think about when you do this? I don't.
Captions by vitac captions paid for by discovery communications Hello, and welcome to a very unusual episode of "dirty jobs.
" This is my day off, and I have been ordered to spend it here at the doctor's office, getting a last-minute complete and total physical.
Jill broffman.
How are you, doctor? Hi, Mike.
Good to see you again.
Nice to see you.
Everything good? Everything's great.
Where have you been? Very bad places, doctor.
Very bad places.
But I'm confident as ever, because as you can see, Jill is eminently qualified to pass judgment on my physical carriage in any number of ways.
Same drill as last time? Same drill.
Here's a robe.
You know what to do with this.
Yes.
Shirt off, pants off.
In a perfect world, every boss would be forced, once a year, to do the work of the people he or she is normally accustomed to bossing around.
So, tonight, I get to indulge that fantasy.
I have lots of bosses.
One of them is named Eddie barbini.
He's the executive producer of "dirty jobs," and he knows what he's doing in television.
He's been a writer, a director, a producer, an editor.
He's had just about every job there is except for one mine.
Tonight, Eddie will try his skills on the other end of the camera, hosting "dirty jobs.
" I'm here with a guy named Johnny Joe.
Hey, Johnny Joe.
How's it going? So, what are we standing in front of here, Johnny Joe? A pump truck.
We service port-a-potties, and you're gonna have fun.
Do I get gloves or If you want, yeah.
I don't wear them that often.
Just stick this in the hole.
That's it? It's just that simple? That simple.
Well, not really.
Oh, man! That stinks! Don't be afraid of it.
It's only water.
This looks like more than water to me, j.
J.
Down? Yeah.
Okay.
That's it.
All right.
It's dripping.
It's leaking.
No.
No? Wind it up.
That's it? Yeah.
Oh, this is an easy job.
Eddie can't hear me right now, but if he could, I would remind him that the first 10 minutes of every job are always easy.
I'd caution him to pace himself as he goes through his day, and I would suggest that it's best to keep your mouth closed when dealing with raw sewage.
Is that terra-cotta in your ear? Could be.
Can't say for sure.
I'm only a host.
There's a chemical that we use for Keep the odor and breaks the solids down.
So, we're gonna make this port-a-potty smell better? That's essentially what we're gonna do? Clean, yeah.
That's about it? That's good.
Okay.
Very pretty color blue.
Okay, just fill it up with water, about five gallons.
Pour it in the hole there.
I think I'm gonna pick the seat up.
See this? That's from people not hitting that hole.
Oh, this is urine here.
Yeah.
Oh, great.
Thanks for sharing.
Look at that Didn't spill a drop.
We need a replacement there, buddy.
Kind of like an outdoor linen closet, huh? I can leave the wrapper on.
Oh, okay.
That way, they know they got a new roll.
Right.
Got to tell you, j.
J.
, it still smells in here.
How often do you clean these things? Once a week.
Or, if they want more service, well, they request.
Do I want to leave a little toilet paper out here so someone knows there's some in there? I'm sure they know it's in there.
And that is why Eddie runs the show.
His attention to detail in this business is legendary.
Did you see the way he pulled the toilet paper out of the dispenser, let it dangle like that? The attention to detail It's the little things.
Spray it.
You know, spray the throne and the floor and the urinal.
Wipe it all down.
The throne, huh? That's called a throne.
Sure doesn't look like a throne to me.
Right here, right? Yeah, just spray the whole top.
Okay.
There you go.
I got to tell you, j.
J.
, this is a somewhat humbling experience.
Oh, this is the easy one.
There's hairs and things in there.
Do I have to worry about those? No, just wipe it down real good, you know? Be off to our next stop.
This stinks, j.
J.
This is a decent one.
What do you mean, "decent"? It's easy.
We find them with dirt, [Bleep.]
All over, flipped over.
Really? Yeah.
We're not gonna see those today, though, right? We don't know.
I couldn't tell you.
Get the stamper and stamp the door.
There you go.
December 2nd.
That way, they know they've been serviced, and we move to the next one.
I should sign my name to that, huh? Eddie barbini doesn't put his name on anything until it's perfect.
He's what you might call a perfectionist.
I'm not used to having someone ride with me.
Oh, that's all right, buddy.
It's, uh It's a dirty job just sitting in this truck.
[ Laughs .]
The gloves.
The gloves again.
I know this routine.
[ Chuckles .]
Okay.
Stick it in, right? Coming in.
Stick it in.
Oh, boy.
Just suck it up.
Oh, there's some nasty stuff in there, though.
Do we want to suck it up.
Really? Suck it up.
Whoo! Oh, I'm getting good at that.
Are you done? I think so.
So, we're not wiping this one out.
Why's that? No, 'cause we're gonna load it and take it back to the yard.
Why are we doing that? Well, 'cause it's graffitied and no longer being used.
Just tilt it back.
Now, wait, wait, wait.
So I'm gonna myself? Yeah.
It's a one-man job.
See? Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Grab it.
All right.
Drag it over here.
Drag it? Yeah, grab it.
Just drag it.
Okay, now we're gonna load it up on the truck here.
Whoa, whoa.
It's going over.
Well, on the downside, I'm spending my day off here at the doctor's office.
But on the upside, I'm watching my boss try and load a port-a-potty onto a flatbed.
I'd call that an even trade.
And I'd call this a little high.
Are you stressed out? Have you seen the show? What the heck is it, exactly? It's called a lipoma.
It's a fatty tumor.
I hit myself there with a sledgehammer like a year ago tearing a building down, and that's what's left.
Is it normal? It's not normal, but it certainly could be from that.
Yeah.
So, I got myself a fatty lipoma on my left foot.
Could be worse I could have a port-a-potty on my back.
That's where we last left Eddie barbini, my boss, getting dirty the hard way.
You gonna Lance it or what? J.
j.
: Just walk it up here.
All right.
Got to get out from there and walk it up.
Well, wait a minute.
You said this was a one-man job.
I'm going this way? Let go for a second.
Okay.
Let go.
All right.
It's balanced, see? Oh, it's balanced? One man, see? Here I am working really hard, and this is actually balanced.
I don't have to work that hard.
Walk it up to the bed.
Okay.
Like so.
Lean it up there.
Go around behind.
Walk it up there.
[ Straining .]
Okay.
I'm walking.
Push! [ Grunting .]
All right, now just turn it around.
Turn it this way? Yeah, the back towards the tank.
I can see why you have to empty this out.
Yeah, 'cause if you move it loaded a mess.
Throw the strap across.
Hook it on the side there.
Pull it tight.
J.
j.
: And crank.
I used to know how to do all this stuff, j.
J.
Before you became an executive? Before I became an executive.
Let me ask you something, j.
J.
Yeah? Why would you paint this thing white? That's the color they come.
Don't you think they'd be better in a darker color? I don't know.
All of our units are white.
I think I'd bring that up at the next board meeting.
All right.
Hey, j.
J.
, I got cups and stuff in here, too.
And something that resembles human waste.
Do I suck that up, too? Suck everything you can up.
Oh, god! Ah [bleep.]
Eddie barbini just used a bad word.
Eddie barbini's been telling me now for the last year that there is never any excuse for bad language on "dirty jobs.
" I've explained to Eddie that from time to time, you get caught up in the moment.
Things slip out.
Looks like Eddie is finally starting to understand.
Mike, I'm not gonna lie to you.
This is gonna hurt.
Great.
Oh, crap! Pour the chemical in the hole.
But don't I have to empty the cans out and things that are in there? Yeah.
Reach in and get them.
Here you go.
There's a sack right here.
"Reach in and get them.
" Ugh.
Where am I gonna put it? Right here.
No! Reach in there.
This is just so wrong.
Ugh! It washes, you know? Ugh! Shove it in the hole there somewhere.
Just like that, huh? Just shove it in there.
Is this the worst you've seen? No, no.
I've seen them with [bleep.]
everywhere.
On the walls, roof.
How does that happen? People flip them over.
Oh, why do they do that, huh? Why does anybody do anything? Oh, man.
I'm sure as a kid, I've done it myself.
Flipped them over when I was a kid.
Yeah.
The youth of today.
Yep.
Spray it all down.
Uh-huh.
You want some gloves? I ain't touching nothing except my brush.
Not a very clean brush, j.
J.
Rinse it.
Rinse it with the water? Hold the door.
Okay.
Yeah.
Oh! See how clean it is? Well, I wouldn't exactly call that clean, j.
J.
Barbini: Hey, j.
J.
, how did you get into this business? A friend of mine came to my house one night drunk, asked me if I wanted to go to work the next day.
And I went to work, and I've been there ever since.
Probably had an opening in the port-a-potty business, huh? December 2nd.
So, you work how many days a week? I work six I get Usually, I get two days a month off.
Two days a month? Yeah, I'll work 13 and get a Saturday off.
And we get busy.
Some months, I don't even get a day off.
My choice.
Well, we still got our port-a-potty back there.
Means I did a pretty good job securing it.
Yeah.
Ugh.
Now, that's nasty.
Looks like somebody puked in this one.
No way! Ugh! Look at the toilet seat.
See it? Look at that.
That's just not right.
Ugh.
Must have been the last guy that cleaned it.
There's got to be about 60 pounds of toilet paper in here.
Let's hope it don't clog up the hose.
What happens then? Then we got to Empty the hose out? Uh-oh.
We're jammed up here.
Argh! Pull it out.
All right.
Put it down there on the ground.
See? Right here.
Oh! Right here is the clog.
We've got a clog.
Watch out.
It'll suck in.
It will? It's not gonna blow out, right? It'll suck it in in a second.
What's it waiting for? Pressure.
Should I take it out? Push it in.
Push it in? Take your thumb and shove it in there.
All right, all right.
But when it goes, it's gonna go.
It goes poof! Yeah, it's gonna take me with it.
Ugh! Okay.
Squeezing the juice out of it.
There's got to be a better way.
What's that? Shove it down.
See if it's clogged.
Right tool for the right job, huh? Yep.
Push it in there.
All right.
Oh! Oh, look at that! [ Laughs .]
All right, this goes right on here like this? We're good to go, right? Go back to work.
All right.
It's coming back out.
This is a complicated job.
Yes, it is.
[ Inhales deeply, exhales .]
Okay, let's review.
Eddie barbini's day, so far, in his own words "this job isn't so bad.
This job is easy.
This job is disgusting.
This job is complicated.
" [ Chuckles .]
Eddie, it gets worse before it gets better.
[ Inhales deeply, exhales .]
Are you wearing a mask on all your dirty jobs? Oh, absolutely.
All the time.
Every day, without exception.
Barbini: Oh, man.
J.
j.
: Once you get the routine down, like any job, it's easier as you go.
Just like if I was to go do your job, I'd be lost.
Oh, I don't know, buddy.
My job's pretty easy.
Sit behind a desk? My job is to make I have opinions of things.
That's what I do.
What's your opinion about port-a-potties? They stink.
Ugh! [ Retching .]
We only use a brush on the bad ones.
You all right? [ Retching .]
Argh! I think so.
[ Retching .]
It gets to everybody once in a while.
Oh, this is just not right.
Now, when you toss the water, hang onto the bucket.
All right.
[ Grunting .]
Aah! Good.
And I'll get a rag.
You're not supposed to stand in the way.
That's like spitting into the wind.
Well, there he is Eddie barbini finally getting a taste of what he's been making me eat for the last year.
What happens to a grown man who accidentally ingests poo? You can get really, really sick.
You can get a bad infection like hepatitis "a.
" Nausea, vomiting.
Hmm.
Abdominal pain, diarrhea really sick.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
I've been there.
What's in your hands? Well, we're gonna check for parasites.
Oh, dear.
See, Eddie? It always gets worse before it gets better.
Tell me you have an executive washroom somewhere.
That was pleasant.
Welcome back to my glamorous and exciting day off.
Eddie barbini is my boss, and he's been producing television shows now for the last 22 years.
Today, he's producing something else.
He's on the go with Johnny Joe, getting the poop, you might say.
It's nice to see after 22 years, he's finally getting some of it back.
Hope you're happy with that.
Thank you.
Barbini: You gonna run this thing over here? Oh.
Oh! There's an apple in there! Don't lose it! [ Retching .]
So, j.
J.
Yeah? What do you think about when you do this to get your mind off of it? I don't.
I just get it done and get out of there.
Because I got to tell you, the combination of the visuals and the smell Put yourself in another spot.
It's just a job.
It's just a job.
All right, well, I'm going in.
Apples coming out.
That's just nasty.
Ugh! That's one clean toilet.
Yeah.
What do you think that is? Oh, that's just not right.
How do you think it got up there? Gee, let me guess.
Probably, somebody was trying to climb out of that thing.
I got to tell you, your truck is starting to smell.
I don't smell nothing.
Spray, huh? Very good.
And let it sit a second.
Now, why would somebody do that? "How" is a more important question.
Right.
A bottle of Tequila in there.
Now I know how that stuff got on that pole.
[ Laughs .]
That's not dirt.
That's not dirt.
Urine.
Oh, that wonderful, pleasant smell.
[ Grunts .]
[ Retches .]
Oh! [ Retching .]
What's the matter, Eddie? What's the matter? Yep.
Nothing.
[ Laughs .]
I'm fine.
Same routine.
I'm fine.
It's a bad day to be an executive producer.
The fact of the matter is, Eddie barbini is not just a good boss, he's a good sport.
He walks the walk, he talks the talk.
And he puts his money where his mouth is.
In spite of what you just saw come flying out of it.
Now, if you think it's fun to watch your boss try your job, you're right.
But how much fun would it be to watch the owner of the company try the job? In my case, I assure you, it was a blast.
Because the owner of pilgrim films and television is one Craig piligian.
I work for Craig piligian.
Eddie barbini works for Craig piligian.
Everybody works for Craig piligian.
And the fact that he was willing to leave his office in the middle of a series of very important meetings speaks volumes about Craig's leadership style and his work ethic.
The reason for his success? In a word, communication.
Hey, fellas.
How you doing? How are you? Good to see you.
Good to see you.
Good to see you.
How you doing? Everybody okay? Everybody good? Yeah, so, I'm gonna do your job in the wheel shop.
Capiche? You got that, yeah? Everybody get that? I'm gonna do the wheel thing in the shop, all right? All right.
I'm gonna do it with you guys.
Okay? Capiche? Yeah? Good.
'Cause I don't know why the [bleep.]
I'm here.
I'm as in the dark as you guys.
Trust me.
I am totally in the dark as you guys.
Boyd coddington's been in the custom-wheel business for 25 years.
He puts out about 4,000 wheels a month.
Coddington also restores, customizes, and sells classic cars from his showroom next to the wheel shop.
So, yeah, this is where we machine all our centers.
And who does the design of the wheels? Who does the design of the wheels? I handle a lot of the design with Brent, our programmer.
And we take this forging This is a 22-inch forging all ready to go, ready to be machined the design out.
So we're gonna take this.
Where do you get these? We get these in raw form, and then we lathe them to this form right here depending on the design we're gonna do.
Okay.
Or the size of the wheel? Exactly.
We take them now, once they're ready to go, we go ahead and put it in this little machine here, hit that magic little button, and in a few short minutes, we'll have a wheel center ready to go back to Polish to get started.
All right.
Do you already have the design programmed into this machine here? Yep.
Can you make sure this thing is tight? All right.
We don't want this thing flying out and hitting you.
Yeah.
Little more.
Tighten it down.
We don't want it flying out and hitting anybody Especially me.
I just have to jump in here briefly and say that it might have appeared that Craig piligian was frightened in that moment, and I just want to go on record as saying that's impossible.
Craig piligian isn't scared to do or try anything.
He's simply being mindful of the fact that he is in charge of a large company, and a lot of people depend on his health and well-being for their jobs.
Really, he's just being prudent.
You know, I'm not a shrink, but he looked pretty scared to me.
Yeah? Yeah.
What do you think? Scared to me.
Yeah, so he's scared.
Go ahead and shut the doors for me.
I'm gonna need you to hit that green button right there to start the process.
Hit the green button? Hit the green button.
And it's all got everything there? Exactly.
Mike, this is pretty easy.
That's pretty cool.
Boy, it sure gives off an odor.
Yeah.
Or was that barsky? [ Laughs .]
No? No, actually, that is coolant.
Coolant's got a That coolant has a real nasty odor.
It really stinks.
It gets pretty ripe after a while.
What Craig, my boss, doesn't realize is that this machine is actually cutting out sections of the blank.
That's pretty cool.
And what remains will be the spokes on the outside of the wheel.
Piligian: You know, it's tough, because you don't know which camera.
Mike's got to be pretty smart in some ways, because there's two camera guys here, and there's one over there in the corner, and you don't really know which one to go to.
So, you know, Mike, I'll give you that.
You actually know which camera to look in more than I do.
But other than that, I'm not sold yet that you need to be the host of this show.
We'll figure it out later.
My job's tougher than Mike rowe's.
Honestly.
I'm gonna have a cup of coffee and wait.
Well, so far, Craig piligian has brought a unique approach to the idea of a hands-on host.
He began his day at the garage with an inspirational speech to the workers.
He then stood idly by and watched a machine cut into a giant piece of metal.
After that, he determined quite rightly that it would be very bad for metal to hit him in the face.
He then pointed out, again, correctly, that "dirty jobs" is shot with no less than three cameras.
And most recently, he has determined it's time for a coffee break.
Clearly, Craig has the management thing down.
When we come back, we'll see how he does in the trenches.
Go easy with that button, doc.
Well, when we last left Craig piligian, he was on the verge of impersonating a host.
He needed to get a cup of coffee in him Something to elevate his heart rate.
I guess a cup of coffee is one way to do that.
Actually, it's a pretty interesting process, wheels.
'Cause most people, you know one of the most The wheels on your car have to be done well, or you're gonna die.
Yeah.
This is what we're gonna do here.
Go ahead and put the center up there facing you.
Okay, so this is the center of the wheel.
Yeah, but facing you The other side.
Oh, that's the front of it? This is the front of it? Yep.
All right, so we put it in this wood-block contraption.
Exactly.
A little bit more of an angle here.
A little bit more of an angle? Okay.
Now what I need you to do is you're gonna grab this bad boy here, right? And you're gonna turn that baby on.
It's very important See these rough edges right in here? Yeah.
It's very important that we sand these down before we Polish 'em.
Otherwise, you get a lot of waviness in there.
They won't Polish out completely.
Uh-huh.
That's pretty interesting.
Yeah, so, basically, don't mess with any flat area that's facing you Only the areas inside the window.
There's the on/off button right here.
Things get a little too crazy, just flip it off.
Have at it.
Okay.
[ Whirring .]
All right, so, just Oh, boy, you got to hold on with two hands.
You might want to use two hands on this.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, nice smooth strokes up and down on there.
It is kind of dusty.
You really can't tell, but you do suck in a lot of dust.
I think we're done.
Yeah.
It look done? It looks all right.
Not bad for a beginner.
[ Whirring stops .]
Hey, Nicholas, we're gonna have this guy go ahead and finish it to get it ready for that.
So what's gonna happen is, I sort of screwed this up.
'Cause it isn't as smooth as it should be.
It's not bad, but they're gonna bring in an expert to finish it.
Where's the expert? Right here.
These guys are masterful craftsmen here.
Is there anything else for us to do while he's doing it? No.
Well, you know, let's let him finish, and let's go relax, fellas.
Sounds good to me.
Craig piligian simply cannot help himself.
Even in a garage, his natural instincts to manage immediately kick in.
And when it's time for Craig to take a break, everybody takes a break.
Are we taking a break? No, Mike.
We're gonna take an X-ray.
It just gets better and better.
Mike does this all day? Stands around? That's what Mike does? Half the time.
Then why is he bitching like he's bitching about [bleep.]
Because he does it a lot.
He stands around a lot.
And that's bad on the ankles.
Wait till you get to hour eight.
I'll make it.
I think I'll make all right.
I guess if Mike does this every day, goes to a different job, you know, has a couple issues We pay him pretty good.
I imagine we pay him.
So, the real guy finished this wheel, and it looks pretty good.
It's all nice and smooth.
I did my best.
No, you did good, though.
You did good.
But he did better.
For your first time, you did really good.
Yeah.
You're too kind.
Anyway, what's the next step in the process? This is where we actually Polish the center.
This is our pre-assembly Polish.
That's a scary-looking outfit, man.
I just got to tell you.
That is a scary-looking outfit.
Get your glasses here.
Here, I'll do this for you.
Okay, hold on.
We're doing it the wrong way.
Look at these guys.
They know what they're doing.
And after you Polish these all day You don't want to try this at home, honestly.
Which camera? This one or this one? Where do I look at? Looking at that one? Okay.
You don't want to try this at home.
And relax.
And breathe.
I think what Craig means when he says "don't try this at home" is "I don't want to try this in the garage.
" Hey, what do I know? I'm just a host getting a chest X-ray.
And for the record, don't try this at home.
Oh, I love this part.
It's been a while.
[ Chuckles .]
190 Ugh.
Just go ahead and write it down.
Look, if you're gonna host this gig, you're gonna come face-to-face every day with things that make you sick.
You're also gonna come face-to-face with things that simply scare the heck out of you.
The truth is, if you want to host "dirty jobs," you really don't need a lot of skill.
You just need the willingness to try anything once.
What I want you to do is I want you to put that against your stomach.
In case of what? Just in case the part Because if you catch an edge, that thing's gonna fly back and hit you in the stomach.
Is that why you're wearing the pad? That's why he wears the pad.
Okay.
Grab that end.
Yeah.
Then we're gonna go ahead and bish it in here.
Yeah, you're gonna bish it in.
Oh, so, this is like A little homemade deal we got here.
A little homemade deal they're making.
Yeah, so And you hold it there, and it It'll sort of hold it there with the thing.
Yeah, so get your gloves on.
Uh-huh.
Where's my glasses? Get your glasses.
Like those are gonna do a lot of good when that freaking thing comes flying up and hits me in the face, huh? All right, so, let me see what I haven't seen what you do.
Would you do it for me once and show me? Go ahead.
Show him.
Okay.
I haven't seen I haven't So you go ahead.
[ Whirring .]
That thing's moving pretty fast.
That thing's moving real fast.
So, first, he does that.
Puts a little wax on it.
That's another little wax? Yeah, those are all polishing compounds he's putting on there.
Polishing compounds.
[ Metal clangs .]
That wasn't good.
[ Metal grinding .]
You're out of your [bleep.]
mind.
There's no way I'm doing that.
You got to be real careful.
You got to hold that part.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's got to hold that part pretty strong.
Yeah, you got to You got to watch what you're doing on this one.
Yeah, yeah, you got to know what you're doing.
Yeah.
No, he can Stop for just a second.
Hey, barsky.
I don't care what Mike rowe does.
I ain't doing that.
Not a chance.
I got to go to work tomorrow.
Yeah, but, Craig, that's the show.
You get dirty.
That's the idea.
No, getting dirty is one thing.
Getting killed is another.
You're not gonna die.
Mike's not dead, he's just tired.
Yeah, Mike hasn't done this.
He's done a lot worse, Craig.
No, he hasn't.
Mike gets dirty.
That's one thing.
I'll get dirty.
I'll crawl on the [bleep.]
floor.
That's one thing.
I ain't gonna [bleep.]
do that.
That'll kill you.
He lets go of that thing, I'm dead.
And I'm standing here.
If I'm doing that, I'm dead.
So you're chickening out, is what you're saying? No, I ain't chickening out.
Oh, [bleep.]
I don't even know how to hold the [bleep.]
thing.
You hold it with your hands.
Yeah.
Okay, barsky.
See, he's got one hand.
He's doing one hand.
You can do that.
Come on.
Now, that looks pretty dangerous to me.
All right.
What's next? Boy, I'll tell you, though.
It stinks.
Well, you know what, let's let him finish it, and I'll take you to the next step.
I ain't doing that.
Barsky: All right! All right! [Bleep.]
That! I'm the boss! I ain't doing that! "I ain't doing that"? "I ain't doing that"? What the heck is going on out there? The host has to do the work.
The field producer needs to make sure that happens.
I mean, come on.
You backed off.
What gives? You treat me differently than you treat Craig.
That's the bottom line.
It's sickening.
You don't cut my checks, do you? Oh, this is shameful.
Let's get back to the action Or inaction.
See what Craig is doing or not doing now.
Unbelievable.
Okay, now we're at the assembly process.
Basically, these are welded, two-piece wheels.
So, this is the once piece, and this is the other piece? So this has to be welded onto this piece? Correct.
Put it on the turntable.
Like this? There you go.
Make sure it's on there pretty evenly.
Now, what we're gonna do is you're gonna move these Feel like I'm in pottery class.
Yeah, you're good.
These are the fire gloves.
Okay.
These are the fire gloves.
You know how to use one of these? Never used one before in my life.
You're gonna squeeze this together like this.
And you're gonna create a spark.
All right, I got it.
It creates a spark.
Most guys watching this know it.
I don't happen to know it, but doesn't matter anymore.
You ready? Just want to get done.
Go ahead and get a spark.
Go ahead? You got to which way? Yeah, kind of As you're pulling it this way, you want to grab it like this.
Oh, to make a real spark.
Oh, you want to create friction is what you want to do.
Oh, I see.
See, like that.
Oh! You want oh.
Ah.
So, Mike, do you anticipate coming into contact with any of the following Toxic fumes? Yes.
Smoke? Yes.
Fecal matter? Absolutely.
What kind? Dog, cat, kangaroo, hippopotamus, rhino, ostrich, human.
I mentioned rhino, correct? Yes, you did.
Oh.
All kinds.
I get the point.
Yeah.
So far, Craig has come in contact with all kinds of coffee.
Three cups at last count, and four breaks.
He must be exhausted.
[ Chuckles .]
Actually, Craig has told me on more than one occasion, the cardinal rule in television is to never reinvent the wheel.
Of course, his job today is to help create a wheel.
Maybe that's the problem.
Man: So, what we're gonna do is we're gonna keep that on for about a minute.
The outer will expand, and it will expand just enough to let us Dump that in there.
Dump that in there in the spot it's in.
And then we go ahead and we cool it down.
As it cools down, it contracts.
It gives us a press fit.
Go ahead and [ Fire dies down .]
Okay.
Stop the turntable.
All right.
Take this here.
Yeah, and that's why Make sure it's pretty much centered on there visually.
And then now grab the center.
Make sure it goes in there straight and level.
Okay.
You're good.
Now turn on the air.
To the right, yeah.
[ Air hisses .]
See, there's little air holes on the base, like right here.
Oh! They'll shoot air.
It's gonna cool the outer.
See, there's air coming out of these little, tiny holes in there that cool the inside of that rim.
And now it's contracting.
It's gonna get what we're gonna call a press fit.
It really is.
It's closing, you know Called a press fit.
We're press-fitting it right now the center.
Want to weld the wheel now? Yeah, go ahead.
Piece of cake, Mike.
You want to watch it? Oh, I'm gonna watch it.
Put your visor down.
All right, what do I do? Just take a look at it.
Don't get too close.
Piligian: Oh, that's pretty [bleep.]
cool.
You guys see that in there? You guys see how that works? Seriously, give me the camera.
I can shoot.
Give me the camera.
Man: You want to shoot? Yeah, I can shoot.
Give me the [bleep.]
Isn't it amazing that just because a guy owns a company, he thinks he can do everything? Nice shot, Craig.
This from Troy's camera Again from cameraman extraordinaire Barsky: Are you focusing? I don't know.
Is it on? Yeah, it's on.
You got to adjust the Iris, you got to focus it.
You got to do all that.
I don't know what that all means.
Yeah, let me just put it on auto for you.
Put it on auto for me.
There.
Try that.
Try that again.
It's almost done.
Oh, it's done.
So we're done? I think we got it.
Now put it up Yeah, there you go.
Look at that.
Look at that weld.
Isn't that cool? Once Craig finally finished the welding, it was just a matter of more polishing.
A lot more polishing.
This is not an easy job.
These things weigh about 50 pounds.
It looks easy, I know.
I'm making it look easy.
But it isn't.
That wasn't too bad, barsky.
I did okay.
The other one, I was a little nervous about.
At least you did something.
At least I did something.
I'm getting kind of fond of this wheel.
I don't want to let it go.
No, I'm liking it.
I can see myself.
Beautiful.
And as the end of the day approached, Craig got a visit from his boss Boyd coddington himself.
Boyd.
You ever hear of a guy named Mike rowe? No.
Unh-unh.
You ever heard of Mike rowe? Who is he? See, barsky? He's the host of this show.
Really? He's the host of "dirty jobs.
" Where's he at? He's not here today, Boyd.
That's the depressing thing about it.
That's why I'm here.
You're doing good, though.
Thank you, Boyd.
I appreciate it.
That looks good.
Now what I want you to do is do the same thing in here.
Just clean those lug With wax, or just No, just go ahead.
There should be enough You're not gonna ship that wheel like that, are you? It's got to look a hell of a lot better than that.
Yeah, I know, Boyd.
We still have work to do here, Boyd.
We still have a couple hours of elbow grease.
I was gonna say, if you expect to send that, that's We still have some more work to do here, Boyd.
Thanks for coming by, though.
Yeah, see you later.
Okay.
Well, we're doing the best we can.
Yeah, exactly.
Barsky, you mind if I call Jessica while I'm working and see if I got any messages? Barsky: No, you got to keep working, Craig.
Beautiful.
Do we put the cap on? I think you're good.
There we go.
Just stand back and take a look at that thing.
"Dirty jobs.
" "Dirty jobs.
" It looks good.
It looks really good.
All right, now I need you to put this in a bag.
Piligian: You ever heard of Mike rowe? Doing what? What's that? Doing what? [ Laughs .]
Nothing today.
That's my point today.
Exactly my point.
Did you get her saying that? And just like that, 12 hours later, I am out of here.
Look, there's no doubt about it.
I do have an unusual job.
But I also have two very unusual bosses.
Eddie barbini and Craig piligian didn't have to go on national television and walk a mile in my shoes, but they were willing to do that, and for that, they have my undying thanks and gratitude.
Would your boss do that? Only one way to find out Ask him.
In the meantime, I got my lollipop, and I got my clean bill of health, which means I'm going back to getting dirty, and Craig and Eddie are going back to being my boss.
As for you, doc, thank you, and I like it when you push me.
Please proceed.
I'm parked around back by the dumpster.
So, me and my pal Doug are 500 feet underground in a coal chute in an anthracite coal mine, and we've come here for the specific purpose of asking you to please go to discovery.
Com and suggest our next dirty job.
We'll go virtually anywhere.
Look at the poor slob Lying in a waterfall.
It's pathetic.
We need your help.
Discovery.
com/dirtyjobs.
Thanks very much.
And, just like that, 12 hours later My foot snaps off like a piece of seasoned pine.
Why? Because the good doctor has seen fit to run me into a wall.
Hard to really know what makes her tick.
All those fancy diplomas on the wall Clearly, there's not one there that speaks to spatial fricking relations.
[ Laughter .]
You have a pretty wife, barsky.
I'm surprised.
I saw her at the party, I'm going, "that's really barsky's wife? He didn't pay her to come?" I'm a very lucky man.
No, you're an oompa loompa is what you are.
My name's Mike rowe, and I've put a pig on a pedestal.
Why? Because even though he works in the dirt, this noble creature is the embodiment of hard work, self-sacrifice, and a good-natured willingness to get the job done, no matter how dirty.
Day after day, he goes about his business without complaint.
And night after night, he brings home the bacon.
[ Pig snorts .]
I am sorry I said that.
What's on your pedestal?
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