Documentary Now (2015) s02e04 Episode Script

Globesman

1 Good evening.
I'm Helen Mirren, and you're watching "Documentary Now!", season 51.
In 1968, filmmakers Larry and Abraham Fein traveled the country with four door-to-door salesmen.
The result was a look inside the heartbreak, rejection, and ultimate triumph of globesmen.
So this is a globe.
You got all the different countries in it, and then the continents.
They did blue for the oceans.
The globe is tilted up so that when you face it Hey, he's a natural at this.
Mom When guests come over, and, you know, they see a globe, they're gonna know immediately they're in the presence of somebody who's worldly.
You know.
We don't really have guests over.
Well, I I promise you that if you have a globe in the home, you're gonna find reasons to invite them over.
You're gonna want them to come over.
What are you doing there? You got You got blocks? You know my name? Can you guess my name? It's Tom.
Well, these are $49.
95.
I just don't feel comfortable buying something without discussing it with my husband.
What if your your husband comes home after a long day's work, and he sees "What are you smiling about?" And then you point to the middle of the room, and his face lights up? And he says, "Is that a globe?" I think it's a no.
Hi there, I'm Bob Campbell from Amalgamated Globe.
You You filled out a card of interest from the "National Geographic" I don't know what you're talking about.
Margaret M It's very nice, but we just can't afford it right now.
Well, I respect that of a woman who you know, is careful with the money and whatnot, but I I think that you're gonna This globe is gonna last you the rest of your life, you know.
And I think your husband would agree with that.
My husband is in the hospital.
He fell off a crane.
They're not sure if he's gonna walk again.
That's awful.
That's That's truly awful.
I'm very sorry about that.
It's very awful.
I think what would make him feel better, though, is maybe if you showed up with a a globe.
Well, we we can't even cover the medical bills.
I'm working two jobs as it is.
They just turned off the heat, and I think my son Tommy might be deaf.
Okay.
Which one's Tommy? That one.
Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! There he is.
See? He's looking at me.
I think you would very much regret it if you did not buy this globe.
281 Euclid.
Christ on a bike.
How's the battle, boys? One Two Three Four.
Take a bow, Mike Stankowicz.
Yeah, I ran across an old lady who bought one for each of her kids.
What I wouldn't do for a nice old lady.
I'm telling you, every name they give me is a deadbeat or a layabout.
It's been this way for months.
Don't worry about it.
You'll get 'em, Possum.
Yeah.
I should have been a fireman like my pops.
I'm good at finding smoke.
A lot of people have that talent.
I don't think that's a specialism.
No, not like me.
Not like me.
I could see that black smoke miles away.
Is there any beer? No, we're out.
Do you know why I love my job? Because I get to see the world every day.
Feel free to use that.
Although if you do, I'd like you to tell people you heard it from me.
I don't want you to use it and then make it seem like you came up with it.
Now, you may notice a few faces missing from our last meeting.
Well, it was decided that those weren't the kind of people we wanted representing Amalgamated Globes.
They were kind of men who made excuses.
Let me tell you something.
Every name we give you is the name of a person who filled out our card in "National Geographic" and then marched that card down to the mailbox.
Now, does that sound like something a person would do out of whimsy? No.
If you have their name, they want a globe.
Now get out there and sell it to 'em.
Son of a bitch.
A wish granted me, oh, a king I would be.
If I had coins piled high to the sky, with a queen in my bed, and a crown on my head Hello? Globe salesman.
Hello? Get out! We don't want to buy your stinking globes! Yeah! That was not nice.
This is the card you filled out in the "National Geographic" saying you were interested in the globe.
Well, I wanted a globe, but then a stopped by selling atlases, so I bought one of those.
It's a beautiful book.
I'll show you.
You remember the name of the man who sold you that atlas? I don't know, it was like a German name or something.
It was like Mikter Vic Victor? Richter? Karl Richter? Yeah, that was it.
Isn't it beautiful? Gold leaf.
Very nice.
I got two silver stars, and I'm losing commissions to a guy named Karl, with a K.
How is Richter always in our territory a week before we are? Karl's got ESP or something; he really does.
Kind of makes you happy that Patton's dead, you know? He'd be sick to see it.
All right, fellas, get you anything? Yeah, I'll take some warm coffee.
All right.
And a Salisbury steak.
And can you fill this prescription for me? All right.
Do you have mashed pastrami? And I'll I'll take a a pack of cigarettes, thank you.
How are the boys? What happened to their rabbit? It hasn't moved in four days? Well, it it's dead, dear.
It's dead.
A rabbit doesn't go without moving for four four days.
It's Well, you get rid of it.
Hello? I I know that's you, Richter, you you son of a whore.
You know, I don't I don't speak Kraut, okay? Go back to Germany! Been calling all night.
Well, you guys look tired.
What was it, Richter? Every 15 minutes, the whole damn night.
I don't know when that Nazi sleeps.
Who's going first? He's making it a whole scene.
Hello, I'm Gus McMichaels from Amalgamated Globes.
Please, come in.
You filled out a card in "National Geographic" saying you might be interested in a globe.
Yes, I did.
How much? $49.
95.
I don't think we can afford that, honey.
My wife says we can't afford that.
Oh, come now.
Look around.
I see nothing but quality.
And this is the finest quality globe you'll ever see.
Okay.
You see? It's just that easy, fellas.
I made the sale.
It's just that easy.
That's too easy.
I want to take a turn.
All right, come on.
Let's go.
- Come on, Tommy.
- Who is it? Hi, I'm Gus McMichaels from Amalgamated Globes.
And you are? I'm Ray.
I'm Ray Fantastic.
Jesus, Tom.
Come up with a better name than that.
I don't know.
I'm not gonna call you Mr.
Fantastic.
Miller.
I'm Ray Miller.
All right, come in.
Now, you filled out a card? Yeah, yes I did.
But I I can't have a globe.
I can't take it, 'cause No, thank you.
That's not an acceptable answer for me.
We Well, I'm sorry, but circumstances have changed, and I no longer am interested in getting a globe, so, you know, out you go.
Did your wife say she didn't want it? That's right.
My wife said no globes.
And you're such a pussy that you let her call the shots like that? Jesus Christ.
Yeah, why don't you be a man for once in your life, Tom? - Hey, back off, Gus.
- It's Ray.
- No, you back off! - My name is Ray.
You're not part of this.
So what's it gonna be? Are you gonna buy the globe, or do I go door to door telling everyone in town you're a kept man? I'll buy it, all right? - Tommy - Give me two.
Tommy, two? Get your book, and and make it four.
- All right.
- Yes.
You win.
See, boys? It's just that easy.
Now let's go to Florida.
The sun and the surf fresh air I think Florida's gonna be good for us, Oh, yeah.
I already feel my luck turning around.
Look at this.
Beautiful.
Nice.
What's up? Oh, no! What is that? There's something - Karl Richter - What's the matter? - What is that? - Pinnacle It's dog crap.
Fellas, you're not gonna believe this Jeez, he got you too? How the hell's he do this? I don't know, but we got to get out there before the entire state of Florida is reading their atlases.
Come on.
I'm I'm telling you, you are not gonna regret this.
Congratulations.
- Thank you.
- It's really wonderful.
You know, Patrick loves geography, so I'm sure we're gonna get a lot of use out of it.
That's a very smart young man, and you should be very proud of him.
Thanks.
Bermuba? What's that, honey? It says "Bermuba" instead of "Bermuda.
" It does say Bermuba.
As opposed to what? Instead of Bermuda.
It says Bermuba.
It's an interesting fact with the globe and countries is that both Bermuda and Bermuba are acceptable as names.
So the locals there call it Bermuba.
There are There are a lot of lot of countries that are the same way.
- No, it's not.
- Yes, it is.
I'm I'm a globe salesman.
This is my job.
I know these globes.
I don't want a globe with Bermuba.
Why Don't talk to her.
Talk to me.
Talk to me, kid.
And you you don't ruin a sale by pointing out mistakes.
Sir, you need to leave.
You're gonna be very happy with this globe, ma'am.
Very happy.
$49.
95, darling.
And then just There you go.
Signature right there, darling.
Do you know what I love about my job? I get to see the world every day.
I didn't come up with that.
My My manager came up with that, but it's So as you can see, it's a very top-quality globe.
How much is it? It's $49.
95.
That's very reasonable.
Well, that is very nice to hear you say.
Very nice indeed.
You will not believe the number of people who hear a price like that and immediately try to Jew you down.
It strikes me that as soon as I said that that Rothstein is most likely a Jewish name.
Right? I'm right.
You know, when I'm designing a globe, a lot of times, I want to give up Usually during Africa.
There are so many African countries.
Would anyone care if I left out a Mozambique or a Or Rhodesia? No.
That's not what it's about.
It's about respect for myself and the job that I do.
Now, I'm asking you to find that same respect for yourselves.
With that in mind, I'd like to invite you all to stand and speak to your goals in the coming year.
I think if I really put my mind to it, I can make about $40,000.
For me, I won't be happy with a penny under $60,000.
I didn't know we go go as high as 60.
Should I go? I'm not having a very easy time.
I'm on a bit of a cold streak.
I'm sure you've all been there, but I doubt any of you have ever been as cold as I am right now.
You know, my dad was a fireman, and I should have followed in his footsteps, but I didn't, so, you know, c'est la vie.
I would be happy with two grand, three grand you know, maybe send something to my wife if she hasn't left me yet.
That's all I have to say, so Who's next? I'd like to change mine from 40,000 to 60,000.
I didn't know we could go that high.
Hey, you'll get 'em next time, okay, Possum? Yeah, yeah.
All right, I got Sunset Terrace.
What do you got? Oh, hey, fellas.
Fellas, fellas, fellas.
Look at the license plate on that car.
It says Atlas.
- That's Richter.
- That's Richter! - That's Richter, all right.
- That's him.
- It's Richter.
It's him.
- What's he doing? - What's he doing? - It's got to be him.
- That's him.
- What's he doing right now? - What's he doing? - I don't know.
Is he buying gas, or is he He's walking into He's going to the bathroom.
Going to the bathroom.
That's what he's doing.
We got to do something with his car.
Okay, all right.
Now's our chance, guys.
Hey, what are you doing? Cover me.
Move, move, move.
- Cover me.
- Hey, fellas.
Hey, I don't know I don't like this.
Hey, hey.
What are we doing? Jesus.
Go, go, go, go, go, go! - Go, go! - What'd you do? Just get in the car.
Get in the car! Hey, here's to Karl Richter, the man who'll think twice before he crosses a globesman.
Yes, hear, hear.
We did it.
What we? What'd you do? I did a lot.
You You stood there.
- You just stood there.
- No, I didn't.
I was swinging.
You know what, let's play "pick it and stick it," all right? - Yeah! - Play "pick it and stick it.
" Come on, come on.
I don't know about "pick it and stick it.
" Oh, come on.
You in, Tommy? - I'll play.
- All right.
- Who's got a knife? - Call it.
- Burma.
- Burma! Burma - Panama.
- Drink up, you lousy bastard.
All right, come on, drink up, drink up.
- All right.
- One more time.
- Jamaica.
- Jamaica! I almost got it.
Guys, you got to just give that to him.
- Come on.
- Drink up.
He doesn't have to go again.
He's almost drank a whole bottle of whiskey.
- He doesn't have to go again.
- I've done a lot.
He looks fine.
Tommy, go You look fine.
Got a man down.
Spin it.
Oh, jeez.
- Oh, yeah.
- Jesus.
Jesus! Very funny.
It is funny.
Come on, guys, that wasn't very nice.
Oh, come on.
This is my only suit, you know! That wasn't that funny.
Got to wash it in the sink.
- Come on.
- Take it easy, Possum.
You take it easy! The three of you! That's funny? Me? On my suit? Possum, relax.
I should have been a fireman, like my - A fireman? - A fireman, yeah! Like my dad! I'd like to see you be a fireman.
They'd kick your ass is what they'd do! Selling globes.
I have nothing.
What should we do? - Should we soak him again? - No! - Don't soak him.
- What's the matter with you? Yeah, yeah, you're right.
You're right.
Just let him sleep it off.
Yeah, just let him sleep it off.
Just let the guy sleep, all right? Yeah, I'm going to bed too.
I'm gonna have a smoke.
See you in the morning.
So I'm very happy that you bought this.
This is gonna be very good.
Very, very happy about this.
I think you've made a very good decision that you're not gonna regret, I really do.
Well, you certainly do know how to sell it.
Oh, well, you know what? I believe in it, and that makes it easy.
It really does.
Is he a salesman too? Yeah, that's Tommy.
That's Tommy.
He's He's in a bit of a cold spell right now.
Brought him along as a little good luck charm, and it worked, didn't it, Tommy? It worked out all right.
It's a temporary Temporary cold funk, but he'll he'll snap out of it and being selling globes again in no time.
Well, I think it'll be great for the kids.
They're the right age to learn about the world.
Oh, yeah, beautiful children.
How old are you? - I'm 11.
- I'm 13.
Oh, 13.
- 13? - That's right.
I certainly wouldn't have guessed that.
Why is that? Well, look at her.
Look at her, meaning what? Look at Tommy, I wouldn't do that, please.
Your daughter has the breasts of a much older woman is all I'm saying.
- That's all.
- Tommy And that's just a fact.
You could be offended all you want, but facts are facts, right? Am I right? Well, I you don't mind, I'm going to head out to the car.
I bid you all a good day.
I'll see you outside.
You smell like pee.
You could smell me from over here? Tommy, don't don't do anything.
Listen, it'd really mean a lot of you bought the globe from him instead of me.
What am I gonna say, please? I really don't want to do anything to make him feel better.
Hey, boss, here's what I'm gonna do.
Now listen Now listen, listen.
I'm gonna give you the 50, okay? You pay him with my money.
Okay? I'm not gonna do that.
No.
Here's an extra 20.
$70 for a globe.
Please.
Please.
- Fine.
- All right, thank you.
Couldn't close it.
They don't want the globe from me anymore.
Sorry.
You got to go in and do it.
- Me? - Yes, you.
I'll screw it up; you saw what I did in there.
What are you talking about? You're not gonna screw up anything, come on.
I open my mouth, and, you know, it's just Don't worry about what happened.
Come on, you're the possum.
Come on, man, that's what you do.
You play dead, then you come back to life.
You're the possum.
Come on.
Do it.
You do it.
You're a legend.
Come on.
Just help me out.
- All right.
- Please.
I made the sale.
- Look at this.
- Yeah.
I said, "I'm not gonna leave this house until you buy a globe.
" He said, "Shut up, I'm gonna buy the goddamn thing.
" Look at that.
I knew it! - See, the trick is - Yeah? You have to have confidence.
- You have to look 'em in the eye.
- That's right.
That's the whole key to the whole thing.
- That's right.
- I was born to be a salesman.
- That's right, yeah.
- I was born to sell globes.
I mean, I have a talent for it.
World's always gonna need salesmen.
And you're one of the best.
Yeah, I'm the master, right? Yep.

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