Doogie Howser, M.D. (1989) s02e19 Episode Script

Nobody Expects the Spanish Inquisition

It's not their fault.
The blueprints are wrong.
Tell them it doesn't matter.
I just want it moved.
O.
K.
, o.
K.
.
Shut up now, o.
K.
? All right, this is it.
Uh, la mesa Esta We've already had this conversation, Mr.
stapleton.
I've been watching you, kid.
How would you like a job for the next three weeks after school? I'll pay you 5 bucks an hour for on-the-spot translations.
I have a job.
I'm a doctor.
Is he putting me on? Only in L.
A.
I can see how that could be a problem.
What is this? I know you said fresh.
They only had frozen.
Doc, I get a pain right behind the shoulder blades whenever i lift this arm.
Then don't lift that arm.
Is there any way we can hurry this job along? I'm going as fast as I can.
Hello? Yes, he's here, but he's busy.
I'll take it.
It's probably the tile man.
I'm having delivery problems.
Yeah.
I don't care if they're having problems in Detroit.
I want what I want.
What I want is 500 on the pistons against the Lakers.
What can you give me on the Knicks and the trail blazers? What's this, Caesar's palace now? We knew there were going to be some problems.
Yes, but I can't open my own refrigerator, Katherine.
Mr.
stapleton, you and I are going to have to have a conversation.
David, don't antagonize him.
They're almost finished.
It will only make things worse.
How could it possibly get any worse? Hi, sweetheart.
Mom? I don't want to rain on your parade, but is that island supposed to be there? Say that again.
There's a lot of noise here.
I finally did it Retirement.
Wow.
Great.
A life-long dream.
No more blueprints.
No more blisters.
Yeah.
This contractor's finally hung up his tool belt.
Your father and i have bought a motor home.
We plan on driving across country from monterey to palm beach.
Room to let Of course, we had to make this our first stop.
Well, we don't want to hold you up.
America's a vast country.
This pressed wood in here? That's solid oak, mister.
Solid oak, huh? Sounds flimsy to me.
Who's this? Why don't we go into the living room? Doogie, I hope you're not going to be too busy.
I was hoping we'd get to know each other.
How long will that take? Calm down.
We're only staying the weekend.
Why don't you fly out and join us? We're going to some wonderful places.
Have you ever been to Graceland? You can look into the bathroom where the king keeled over.
That sounds like fun.
I'll think about it.
Gosh, look at the time.
I got to get ready for work.
Doog.
I saw the winnebago in the driveway.
I thought to myself, "old people.
" Is demon don back in town? Yes, and he wants to take me to Elvis' bathroom.
What happens to people when they get old? It's like they lose all sense of shame.
They make pilgrimages to Graceland, they wear pink socks, all they can talk about is their aches and pains and Ellis island.
Tell me about it.
That's grandpa's favorite story, how the o'briens came over on the boat from Ireland with nothing but a sack of potatoes between them.
Same with my grandfather, just substitute Naples and garlic.
And he wonders why nobody would sit next to him in steerage.
And then, just when you thought things were gonna be o.
K.
, along comes the depression.
Breadlines.
No shoes.
Everybody's saving paper bags.
Son, you don't know how good you got it.
Oh, oh, doog, speaking of unemployment, you think I could borrow the Chevy? My car is in the shop.
Are you crazy? You'll be lucky if my dad ever let's you look at that car again.
Come on, doog, cut me a break here.
I mean, i already owe your old man I gotta hunt for work to pay it off.
Forget it.
Oh, man.
I'm up to my ears in debt.
I got no job, no car, the most I'm gonna earn is minimum wage standing over a vat of French fries wearing some dumb hair net.
You think I'm gonna be tellin' this pitiful story to my grandkids? Right.
I never get sick.
I've never fainted before.
There's a nasty flu going around, but you're in good hands with Dr.
howser.
Don't worry, honey.
I love your accent.
Where are you from? Fordham, Louisiana.
Small town, but people have the biggest hearts in the entire south.
Well, Mrs.
McDonald, the good news is it's not the flu.
You're not sick at all.
You're pregnant.
Oh, god! Dennis, what are we going to do? Shh.
That's why she wanted to move to L.
A.
To leave the bad memories.
How many children in her family have died? Her brother died when he was 4, her nephew at 3.
It wasn't just Nora's family.
Everybody in town knew somebody who'd lost a child to it.
My grandparents talked about babies who died years ago.
Has there been any research done, any speculation by local doctors? Plenty.
No answers.
Babies are born healthy, and then they just seem to waste away.
Anyway, when nobody could tell me and Nora what was happening, we decided not to have any children.
You can understand that, can't you? I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that I don't think my wife and I are going to want to have this baby.
Look, Mr.
McDonald, i understand your anxiety, but please don't make any decisions right now.
Just give me some time to find out more about this.
There's loss of motor functions beginning at 6 months, then progressive spasticity, emaciation, grand mal seizures.
O.
K.
, let's spitball.
Cerebral palsy.
It sounds like it, but it's more devastating.
These kids die before 5.
A genetic disorder.
A.
L.
S.
That doesn't hit till much later in life.
Tay-sachs.
That's passed through eastern European Jews.
This is a catholic family from Louisiana.
Muscular dystrophy.
I tested them, the serum ck was low normal.
I'm telling you, my best hunch is it's environmental.
Some pollutant.
Lead poisoning.
No, I checked it out.
It's got to be something.
Look at that door! I haven't leveled it yet! You couldn't level that with a bulldozer! More coffee? Yes, dear, thank you.
This pass-through's too small! And these hinges You're charging $1.
50.
Hello, sweetheart.
I was hoping that was the TV.
Where did you get your contractor's license From a mail-order catalogue? O.
K.
, buddy, that's it! Lady, life's too short.
Either he goes, or I go.
Katherine, this man's a charlatan.
This kitchen will blow over in a strong wind.
I'm waiting.
Tell him, Katy bud.
He's my father.
Fine.
Fine? It's not fine.
Luis Miguel! Bill? Mr.
stapleton? You can't quit.
You're not finished, and nobody would take over.
Please! We can work this out.
We're civilized people.
Here, would you like some orange juice? I found fresh.
All the orange juice in California couldn't make up for what I've been through.
Stop! Please! Boys, I'm only paying for half a day.
Ohh! Good riddance to bad rubbish.
Dad, look at my kitchen.
Thank your lucky stars I'm here.
Otherwise you'd really be in trouble.
Don, you're not thinking of doing this all by yourself? Grandma's right.
You're retired.
This is a big project.
You can't do this by yourself.
Yeah, you're right.
Ladies, meet the team of o'brien and howser.
Ohh! So there we were, the five of us, with nothing between us but a few battered suitcases.
I was 10 years old.
We waited for hours in that great immigration hall, surrounded by poles and Russians and Italians, all talking different languages Like the tower of babel.
Like the tower of babel.
Then there was the medical examination.
Nail fungus.
This boy in front of me had a bad case of nail fungus.
What are you two doing anyway? This here is work, not a sandbox.
Mr.
o'brien, I'm a student.
The most physical work I've done this year is erasing.
Well, put your backs into it.
That's the trouble with kids today you're soft.
When we got here, i knew I was going to work, even though I was barely old enough to tie my shoelaces.
We had to roll up our sleeves and fend for ourselves.
Irene, is there any coffee in that motor home? Irene? Marrone! Doog, doog, this is slave labor.
It's like we're building the pyramids without the oxen.
You're getting paid.
Yeah, slave wages.
By the time i pay your father back, he'll be so old, he'll drool over the check.
But you get to go home.
I've got to listen to my grandfather's stories for the rest of my life.
I could go on jeopardy! And sweep the blarney category.
Wait till we get to the first house he ever built.
We go through that board by board.
"There we were, just the four of us "with only rusted tools.
"We lived on potato skins.
"Actually, it was the depression, "so we didn't get the whole skin only the eyes.
"Uncle Liam gave me his potato skin, and said "keep this as a family heirloom.
"That's the trouble with kids today.
"They don't know what it's like to eat potato skins.
Faith and begorra!" That's not very funny.
So that's what you think of your heritage? No, grandpa, i Do you realize how different your life might've been if we hadn't got on that boat? Suppose you've been too busy making fun of me.
Just a stupid old man, never been to college, and you're the big doctor.
You may have all the degrees in the world, but there's a lot you don't understand.
Grandpa, I'm sorry.
I'm proud of my family, boy.
I'm proud of what we've accomplished Pulling ourselves up from nothing.
I know.
I'm proud of you, too, damn it.
A man spends his whole life trying to give his family opportunities that he never had, because he wants them to be better than he was.
One day they are better.
They're better educated, they're more successful.
Then they make him feel like he's got nothing to offer.
I know you could teach me things.
You don't act like it.
I'm sorry.
I was being stupid.
I shouldn't have blown up at you.
Short fuse.
Hey, I understand.
I've got a short fuse, too.
Boy, that's an o'brien legacy.
Frank o'brien, your great-great-uncle, he was the worst.
They hung him for it.
For yelling at his grandson? No, no.
He killed a man In a bar fight back in county cork.
You mean there's a murderer in our genes? Yup.
Cool.
My grandfather told me this, the whole story.
He was there for the execution.
Oh, yeah.
They brought poor old frank out in a cart.
He was all dressed in white.
That was the custom of the day.
The third son was a big strapping fella called Patrick.
He was quite a character.
They said he had hands the size of hams.
Is this Patrick the bricklayer? No.
Patrick the prize fighter.
Don't mind my saying so, but there's a strong belligerent streak in your family.
An o'brien never walked away from a fight.
The men feared Patrick, but the women thought he was an Irish frank Sinatra.
That's why he had to come to America.
He left to escape women? Is he an idiot? No.
He just fell for the wrong sort of women.
That's my favorite kind.
Was she married? Worse.
She was a protestant.
Their families wouldn't let them marry, so they left.
They had to leave because they came from different religions? Read your history books.
This country was built by refugees from religious persecution.
You have your catholics, your puritans, your Jews.
It was really a terrible thing.
They came here so afraid, they changed their names and hid their beliefs just trying to feel safe.
Say that again, grandpa.
What? The part about religious persecution.
Well, it was awful.
Whole families lost their heritage.
That's why it's important to keep alive where you come from.
That's it.
That's it.
Thanks, grandpa.
I got to go to the hospital.
Oh, sure.
He always pulls that doctor crap any time he wants to get out of anything.
It never works when I try it.
Yes! I did a lot of research and nothing.
Then my grandfather said something.
What? He started talking about religious persecution.
See, hundreds of years ago, Jews from all over Europe fled to America to escape religious persecution.
Some of them moved to remote areas of the country, changed their names, even converted to other religions.
What's this got to do with us? Well, everything.
There are isolated pockets of this country where people are of Jewish descent without realizing it.
But our families are catholic.
Well, now they are.
The disease you described has all the characteristics of a genetic disorder called tay-sachs, but nobody suspected it because tay-sachs is passed down in genes of eastern-European Jews.
That's what killed my brother? I'm sure of it.
I had your parents tested.
They're both carriers.
A geneticist A Dr.
shapira Has found the problem in other communities near yours.
So then our baby has it, too.
I tested your blood samples.
Neither of you is a carrier.
There's no reason to think your baby won't be perfectly healthy.
Here, grandpa.
Are we ready yet? Just a minute, dad.
It's getting cold out here.
All ready, men.
Hit that circuit breaker, doogie.
Got it, grandpa.
Ohh! Oh, dad, it's beautiful.
It's elegant.
This is magnificent, don.
You've really done us proud.
I had some very good men working with me.
Oh, Dr.
h.
I hate to introduce the delicate subject of money at such a warm family moment What do I owe you, Vincent? Well, let's see.
that's 105 bucks.
Oh, right.
My mistake.
Mm-hmm.
$90.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Oh Well, that's a load off my mind.
Only a mere $2,410 to go.
Vincent, when you factor in the commitment and enthusiasm you've put into this project, I'm inclined to call it Even.
What would you say to that? I'd say thank you! Oh, thank you! God bless you, Dr.
h! I love you! Vincent, stand up.
Stop it.
You ever driven one of these things? It's like being king of the road Heads turn, girls go crazy for this.
I'll bet.
Come on.
The open road, she's calling me.
Don't rush me.
Well, I guess we made up for a little lost time.
More than a little.
I'm going to miss you, grandpa.

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