Friends s04e23 Episode Script

Hurry up! The flight leaves in four hours! There could be traffic! The plane could leave early! In London, there could be a line at customs! Come on! Six-hour trip to London.
That's a lot of Monica.
What have you got there? Condoms, dude.
Well, how come the writing is in spanish? Don't read my condoms.
Passport, check.
Camera, check.
Traveler's checks, check.
-Who are you saying "check" to? -Myself.
For remembering to pack a thing.
You do a good thing, you get a "check.
" Mom does it.
I never realized it was weird.
My mom used to put her head in the oven.
Actually, only the one time.
But it's pretty weird.
Are you ready yet? -Got the tickets? -Right here.
Check! It's all London, baby! Here we go.
Got your passport? Third drawer of my dresser.
You don't want to lose that! There it is! The One With Ross' Wedding The vacuum's in my closet on the left side.
Garbage bags are next to the refrigerator.
Rachel's gonna be here.
Can't I just ask her? Yeah, okay.
Give that a try! -Let's do it.
-Cheerio! London, baby! That's not gonna get annoying.
London, baby! You know what? I was wrong.
We're all here.
Let's get going! I want to go over and hug you and wish you luck, but I can't get up.
-I'll come hug you.
-Great, can you bring me the paper? -Have a great wedding.
-Thanks.
Chandler, I want to hug you too! You might as well bring my book from your apartment.
-So we're off.
-Have fun! -I can't believe you won't be there.
-I know.
Come.
Why don't you come? To London.
Please? It would mean so much to me.
I gotta work.
I'm sorry.
Why can't you take a couple of days off? Because I can't.
I told you.
This is my wedding.
Now we are late.
Let's go, let's go! Fine, you'll watch it on video when we get back.
Here you go, Phoebe! Phoe-bo! Phoo-ba-la! You! Let's go! Bye, Pheebs! London, baby! Oh, God! Do you need a hug? You don't have to bring me anything.
Chandler, do something! -Do something! -I am.
I'm ignoring you.
I'll be the on-camera guy.
All right.
First stop Westminster Abbey.
What is that? That's London, baby! All right, the hotel's here.
Wait.
We want to go I know.
I'm gonna have to go into the map.
If you see a little version of me in there, kill it! I got it.
Here we go! We're not gonna have to walk this way the entire time, are we? Man, you made me lose it! That was all before 10:00.
The caterer rang.
It'll be Chicken Kiev, not Tarragon.
Then the florist said there are no tulips.
And the cellist has carpal tunnel syndrome Emily, honey.
Okay? Well, up yours too! -What? -Oh, that's not what it means.
-No! That's "time out.
" -Sorry.
Sweetie, relax.
Everything will be great, okay? Come on, come on.
Chicken Kiev? Doesn't that sound delicious at the last minute? Salmon would be more elegant than chicken.
And you wouldn't worry about the salmonella.
But of course with salmon you would have to worry about the chicknella.
I can't wait to see where you're getting married.
It's beautiful.
Her parents got married here.
I can't believe they're tearing it down.
It's really the most lovely building.
It's over Oh, my God! It's nice.
Oh, my God! What are we going to do? Everything's gonna be all right.
How's it gonna be all right? I see that.
I talked to a guy, and I found out what happened.
They tore it down early.
All right! Westminster Abbey.
Hands down, best abbey I ever seen.
What do you think of the Abbey? It's great! They're thinking of changing the name.
-To what? -To "Put the Camera Away"! Man, you are Westminster Crabby.
Don't worry, you'll find some place to get married.
Sorry.
Lucky this dress is red.
We can't find another place.
Then we can't have the wedding.
I've ordered chicken, and salad, and cake for a 150.
What should be the most wonderfull day of my life is rapidly turning into just Sunday with a spectacular amount of food.
You're gonna find a place.
But even if, God forbid, you didn't, so you postpone the wedding.
Is that really so bad? Think about it.
You could take all the time your needed to get everything that you want.
You could have tulips.
You could have salmon.
Salmon.
I suppose it wouldn't be the end of the world.
Oh, thank you.
Look, either way you're gonna get married.
You're gonna be happy.
My mom's gonna like you better than me.
Oh, God.
She has told you that already, didn't she? -Don't get up.
What do you need? -Nothing.
Come on.
I'm here to take care of you.
Okay, I have a wedgie.
That is all you.
What do you want for lunch? I don't know.
I guess we have to eat.
Yeah, I do.
What's the matter? I'm bummed the way I left things with Ross.
I wish I didn't lie about work.
He seemed so mad at me.
Don't be so hard on yourself.
If I was still in love with some Still in love with? I'm not in love with Ross.
Good! Yeah, me neither.
I'm not at the wedding, because he's my ex-boyfriend and that would be uncomfortable.
Not because I'm in love with him.
I like Ross as much as anyone.
Clearly, I have feelings for him, but they don't mean love.
I mean, do I still have loving feelings for Ross? Yeah! I have continuing feelings of love.
But that doesn't mean I'm still in love with him.
I have sexual feelings for him, but I do love him.
Oh, my God! Why didn't you tell me? -We thought you knew! -We? We all know.
We talk about it all the time.
You all know? Does Ross know? No! Ross doesn't know anything.
And you didn't tell me! We thought you knew.
It's so obvious! It would be like telling Monica: "Hey, you like things clean.
" Or, you know, "Hey, Joey, you're gay.
" What? Oh, please, she's always got a broom in her hand.
What are you in the market for? Scarves, souvenir postcards.
Check this out! That's the stuff! What do you think? I won't need that "I'm with stupid" T-shirt anymore.
Well, I like it.
Here you go.
You're not really buying that.
Haven't you embarrassed me enough? Oh, I embarrass you? How can I answer when I'm pretending I don't know you? He's just jealous.
All Londoners wear them.
Really? Then how come no one here anywhere is wearing one? They're all tourists.
If you insist on wearing that in public you're gonna spend the afternoon all by yourself.
If you make me choose between you and the hat, I choose the hat.
-Good choice.
-Thanks.
That's it! I'm out of here.
I won't be embarrassed any more.
How are you doing? Joey Tribbiani, America.
I spoke to your dad, and you know what? He thinks we can find a new hall.
-We don't have to.
-You found a place? No, but Monica and I were talking and I was so upset about the hall being knocked down and she suggested we put the wedding off for a bit.
She said what? If I won't be happy with somewhere we'd find in a day we should postpone it.
Postpone it.
Do you think Monica realizes how much our parents spent on this? Do you think my sister's teeny, tiny, little brain comprehends that people took time out of their lives to fly thousands of miles to be here? This isn't right.
I realize that people are gonna be disappointed.
But I'm sure they'll come back.
I can't ask people to do that.
Would you? Don't you point your pants at me! We have no choice.
Anywhere half-decent will have been booked.
Don't you understand? This is our wedding! Postponing it is not an option.
This is when we're getting married.
-You're saying it's now or never? -I'm saying it's now.
-Or? -There's no "or" in mine! What is wrong with these pants? It's not the pants.
It's you who's backwards.
If you don't understand how important this is to me perhaps we shouldn't marry at all! Emily, no! Wait, stop! Emily, please Did shopping help you feel any better? Manhattan doesn't have enough stores.
I can help you get over him.
You can? I need you to bring me photos of Ross and a small piece of chocolate and a glass of tepid water.
Is this where you throw stuff in a bag with graveyard dirt and hang it from a north-facing tree? Only if you have the hiccups too.
The chocolate and water are for me.
I didn't feel like getting up.
I'll show you a picture of Ross.
And you remember all the bad things about him.
-Focus on his flaws.
-I can do that.
I did that while we were going out.
Before we start, I want to say, for the record, I love Ross.
He's such a great guy.
Close your eyes.
Imagine that you're with Ross.
Imagine that you're kissing him.
You're running your hands all over his body.
You run your hands through his hair but Gross! It's some kind of grease.
I don't know.
His hair never bothered me that much.
It was more crunchy than it was greasy.
This will be harder than I thought.
Let's try some aversion therapy.
Look at the picture.
How do you feel now? Well, I like you less.
Sorry.
I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have said you were embarrassing me.
That wasn't cool.
If it makes you feel any better, I've had a really lousy day.
Me too.
-Yeah? -No! I had the best day ever! Dude, check this out! Tell my friend you like my hat.
-What's your friend's name? -Chandler.
Hi, Chandler.
-That's -That's Fergie, baby! Joey says you don't like his hat, but I think it's kind of dashing.
So I hear you're single now.
- Yeah, I don't like the hat that much.
-Okay.
When did you? How? I was trying to get to Buckingham Palace.
So I'm in my map and I understand you had a talk with Emily.
Yes, I did.
And you are welcome.
Am l? Was it your idea to postpone the wedding? -I'm going to the bathroom.
-Wait up! Since you're the fix-it lady, here's a pickle: What do you do when the bride says she doesn't want the wedding at all? She said that? Why? I don't know.
I said it was stupid to put off the wedding and she, like, flipped out.
Oh, my God! You're even dumber than I am.
Excuse me? How long have you been planning this wedding? I don't know.
A month? Emily's probably been planning it since she was 5.
Ever since the first time she hung a pillowcase from her head.
That's what we did.
We dreamed about the perfect wedding.
In the perfect place.
With the perfect four-tiered wedding cake.
With the little people on top.
But the most important part is that we had the perfect guy who understood just how important all that stuff was.
I had no idea.
That pillowcase thing, I thought you were doing The Flying Nun.
Sometimes we were.
Come on.
Help me figure out what to do.
Pretty intense, huh? I hope Ross didn't think we left because we were uncomfortable here.
I hope he did.
I thought of a good flaw.
Ross pops his gum.
Oh, right.
-Wait a minute.
I do that too.
-I know, it drives me crazy.
I'll get it.
Pheebs, it's Joey.
Hey, Joey! I saw someone that looks just like you on the subway.
I was going to say hi, then I figured he doesn't care he looks like you.
That just cost me 4 bucks.
I called to see how the chick and the duck are doing.
They're having fun with Aunt Phoebe.
Aunt Rachel hasn't been helpful.
So do you miss me? Kind of, but I've been having too much fun.
You're not homesick yet? I don't think so.
Well, the seven of us miss you.
-Who's seven? -Me, Rachel the birds, the babies.
The babies miss me? Of course they do, or I'm just really hungry.
Pizza guy's here! You ordered pizza without me? But we were thinking about you.
We ordered the Joey Special.
Two pizzas? -Gotta go! Talk to you later.
-Wait! Where did you get it from? And they're always glad you came You want to be where you can see Your troubles are all the same You want to be Where everybody knows your name Why have you brought me here? You'll see.
This wedding won't happen.
Ross.
But imagine a lot more lights and fewer bricks and flowers and candles.
And the musicians can go over here.
The chairs can face this way and You go.
But if you don't love this, we'll do it any other place or time.
Really, it's fine.
Whatever you want.
It's perfect.
And, I don't know, if it rains Then we'll get wet.
I don't even have a date.
Do you remember where the duck food is? In the guys' apartment, under the sink.
Why? Because I'm going to London.
What? What do you mean? I have to tell Ross I love him.
Take care and don't have the babies till I get back.
But what about all the finding-his-flaws stuff we've been doing? Yeah, that didn't work.
You can't go.
Ross loves Emily.
I know, but I have to tell him how I feel.
He deserves all the information to make an informed decision.
You're going because you hope he'll say: "l love you too.
Forget the British chippy.
" You think he will? No, because he's in love with the British chippy! You're just gonna mess with his head and ruin his wedding.
It's too late! You missed your chance.
I'm sorry.
This must be hard.
But it's over.
No, it's not over until someone says, "l do.
" I do! I do! Like I can really chase you.
I'm carrying a litter! The Waltham residence.
Is this Emily's parents' house? This is the housekeeper speaking.
And, by the way, that is not how one addresses a person on the telephone.
First one identifies oneself and then asks for the person with whom one wishes to speak.
What are you saying? Now, let us try that again, shall we? No! Oh, my God! -The Waltham residence.
-Hello.
This is Phoebe Buffay.
I was wondering, please if it's not too much trouble, please might I speak with Miss Emily Waltham, please? Miss Waltham is at the rehearsal dinner.
And it is not polite to make fun of people.
Goodbye.
I'll be nice, I swear.
Could you just give me the number for where they are? I'm afraid I'm not at liberty to divulge that information.
Somebody is on their way to ruin the wedding, and I have to warn somebody.
So if you don't give me that number, I'm gonna come over there and I'm gonna kick your snooty ass all the way to New Gloukenshire! Hello? Hello? She knew I could kick her ass.
-Hi, sweetheart.
-Mom, Dad.
Sorry we're late.
My fault.
I insisted on riding the tube.
Judy, the kids! Jack, that's what they call the subway.
-I thought -Dad, we got it.
Here comes my dad and stepmom.
Mr.
and Mrs.
Geller.
-This is Steven -Hello, darling.
and Andrea Waltham.
Very nice to meet you.
Darling, the Gellers.
Darling, it's the Gellers.
She's very self-involved.
I should never have married her.
-It's the Gellers.
-Where? That's one and that's another one.
Lovely to meet you.
Nice of you to offer to pay for half the wedding.
The hell with tradition.
We're happy to do it.
We know how expensive weddings can be.
Besides, this may be the only wedding we get to throw.
A joke that's funny in all countries.
Sir? -What's in it? -Goat cheese, watercress and pancetta.
That's not food.
Everything's different here.
I want to go home.
I miss my family, the coffeehouse.
I can't even remember what Phoebe looks like! It's been three days.
Okay, you're just homesick.
Would you just try to relax and just enjoy yourself? You're different here too.
You're mean in England! What the hell? What's up, Dad? This bill for my half of the wedding.
It's insane.
How can it be so much? The reception's at their house.
Flowers, liquor.
Re-carpet first floor? New guest bath, landscaping.
I'm paying to remodel this guy's house.
I'm gonna give that son of a bitch a piece of my mind.
Please.
I don't want anything to upset Emily tonight.
She's had a hard enough couple of days as it is.
Here.
Let me go talk to him.
You tell him no one takes advantage of the Gellers.
Sometimes I forget how powerful you can be.
And I'm gonna go get drunk.
-Hello.
-Hello.
When is your next flight to London? There's one leaving in 30 minutes.
And I do have one seat left.
Thank you, thank you.
The last-minute fare on this ticket is $2700.
Huh.
How about 600? -Sorry.
-How about 600 and these earrings? They prefer it if I don't barter.
I don't think I have enough left on my credit card.
You can split it with another card.
How about five? Thank you.
I'm just going to need to see your passport.
I don't have it, but I can tell you exactly where it is on my nightstand.
You know what? I have my driver's license.
And I have a 20.
Face it.
My father is not going to pay for the built-in barbecue.
And believe me, you can kiss your gazebo goodbye.
I might be able to get you the new lawn.
Then you have to give us the lawn ornaments.
I go back there with lawn ornaments, he'll laugh in my face.
This is ridiculous.
I mean, we had an agreement.
Will you say something, Steven? Don't take that tone with me.
All right, you can.
Thank God! You changed your mind.
You probably want to be alone, you don't want to talk about it.
You're doing the right thing.
Where are you going? What are you doing? No, wait.
Why am I always pregnant when she does that? I'd like to make a toast to Ross and Emily.
My big toast is tomorrow.
This is kind of my little toast, or Melba toast, if you will.
Okay.
I've known Ross for a long time.
I knew him when he was with his first girlfriend.
I thought things were going to work out for him, until the day he over-inflated her.
Oh, dear God! Hello, Waltham lnteriors.
Mrs.
Waltham.
I need to speak with one of the best men or Ross' sister, Monica.
-Who is this? -Phoebe, one of Ross' best friends.
How did you get this number? I got it from your maid.
She's a bitch, but I wore her down.
If you're one of Ross' best friends, why aren't you here? I can't fly.
I'm having my brother's babies.
Am I on the radio? Can I talk to one of them? It's important.
I'm bored of you now.
I'm going to cut you off.
Oh, okay, I'm going to have to kick her ass too.
We're excited that Ross and Emily are getting married at Montgomery Hall.
To think, my friend getting married in Monty Hall.
Come on, Monty Hall! Let's Make a Deal.
Come on, you people! All right, forget it.
Congratulations, Ross and Emily.
Best man number two, Joey Tribbiani.
I'm not good with the jokes like Chandler here.
Congratulations to the happy couple.
I first met Ross in this coffeehouse back home.
Home.
New York City.
Where everybody knows my name.
Anyway I love you guys.
But not as much as I love America.
Can we please go home now? Are you going home? I was hoping to get to know you better.
I'm not going anywhere, sweetheart.
I was laughing.
Out loud? I didn't want everyone to think I was stupid.
So how are you? My mother's driving me crazy.
But Ross is getting married.
I'm happy.
I'm not going to let anything spoil that.
I just want to say that Ross is a wonderful young man.
Thanks.
We like him.
My God! You must have been a teenager when you had him.
There's no way in hell I'm paying for it.
Look, we're down to just one point.
Could we please just settle it after the wedding? Fine, but I'm not paying for your wine cellar you thieving, would-be-speaking- German-if-it-weren't-for-us, cheap little man! The guy was hammered.
There's no way you look like Ross' mother.
-Then why would he say it? -Because he's crazy! He came up to me earlier and thanked me for my very moving performance in Titanic.
My mother's right.
I'll never get married.
You know what, that is Who wouldn't want you? Please! I'm a single mom with a 30-year-old son.
-Hi, I'm back.
Listen, I need to -Hello.
Hello.
I need to get on that 11:00 flight.
I'm afraid that plane's already pulled away from the gate.
You're going to have to call that plane and tell them to swing around and pick me up.
-Can't do that.
-Sure, you know what? We'll just tell them that there was, like, a problem with, like, the engine.
I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to step aside, miss.
Look, if I don't get to London he is gonna marry that other girl.
Can't imagine why.
All right.
You know what? I am not leaving here until you call that plane back.
I'm getting married today! Morning.
-I'm getting married today! -Yeah, you are.
Do you think he knew I was here? -Excuse me.
-Yeah.
If you're going to do that throughout the flight, tell me now so that I can take a sedative.
Or perhaps slip you one.
I'm sorry.
I'm very sorry.
Sorry.
It's just, I'm kind of excited.
I'm going to London to tell this guy that I love him.
Well, I've never done that with you before.
So how are you? You okay? Yeah.
Yeah.
You? Oh, yes.
Yes.
You? We did you.
Well.
-I better get going.
-Absolutely.
Could you not look? I don't want to look.
Where the hell have you been? I spent the night out.
I met this cute bridesmaid.
She is so I don't want to hear it! Pheebs, you know you're still my number-one girl.
No.
No.
We have an emergency.
Rachel's coming to London.
Great! No, it's not great.
She's coming to tell Ross that she loves him.
But he loves Emily.
I know that! You have to stop her.
She's going to ruin the wedding.
Okay.
-All right, so -Hold on, hold on.
Rachel coming.
Do something.
I've done my part, okay? It's your responsibility now.
The burden is off me.
-Right? -Right.
So tell me about this girl.
And so then I realized, all the stuff that I had been doing proposing to Joshua, lying to Ross about why I couldn't come to the wedding -was all just a way -Oh, oh, oh, oh! I'm sorry, can I interrupt? I just want to say that you are a horrible, horrible person.
Pardon me? You say you love this man, and yet you're about to ruin the happiest day of his life.
I'm afraid I have to agree with your friend Pheebs.
This is a terrible, terrible plan.
-But he has to know how I feel.
-But why? He loves this Emily person.
No good can come of this.
-Well, I think you're wrong.
-Oh, no.
Well, he doesn't really love her.
It's just a rebound thing from me.
-You'll see.
-Fortunately I won't.
And by the way, it seems to be perfectly clear that you were on a break.
Do something.
Something.
-Have you seen Monica? -I'm not seeing Monica! -What? -What? We gotta find her.
Rachel's coming to tell Ross she loves him.
-Oh, my God! -I know.
Do you know where Monica is? No.
What's with the third degree? Why not just shine a light in my eyes? Oh, my God! It's like a fairyland.
I know.
It's horrible, isn't it? I love it.
I only hope my wedding looks this good.
-I just hope -You can let some of them go by.
Start looking out for Rachel.
I'll cover the front door.
You watch that big hole.
And I got Chandler covering Ross.
Why would I care where Chandler is? You know sometimes I don't even like Chandler.
Okay.
I do.
I do.
I do.
-You're right.
It's the second one.
-Right? Hello, Joey.
Hey, Felicity.
I thought about you all day.
Talk New York to me again.
Forget about it.
How you doing? There's nothing to discuss.
We're not paying for your wine cellar.
You have to meet me in the middle here.
My foot's gonna meet the middle of your ass.
-What's going on? -Everything's under control.
You want a piece of me, sir? Is that what you're saying? That's it! Parents! Parents! Back away! This is our wedding day! From now on, everyone gets along.
And if I hear one more word no grandchildren! That's right! -Okay, okay.
-Sorry, old boy.
I could kill you with my thumb, you know.
What was all that about? It was this disagreement over My God! You look beautiful.
You're not meant to see me before the wedding.
It's bad luck.
I think we've had all the bad luck we're going to have.
My God, Rachel! You're here.
I can't believe it.
What happened? Why are you here? I just came to I just needed to tell you congratulations.
Hello, Waltham lnteriors.
Mrs.
Waltham? It's Phoebe.
Why? Can I talk to one of the best men? This is going to be the last time.
There's a girl on the phone for you.
Great! It's Phoebe.
Did you stop Rachel? No, but it's okay.
She just came in and gave him a hug.
That's it.
-Nothing got ruined? -No.
That's so great! So, what's going on now? I'm walking down the aisle.
Still walking.
I'm about to pass the bridesmaid I hooked up with last night.
Hey.
I just told her "hey.
" I'm at the front with Ross.
It's Phoebe! He looks pretty mad.
I better go.
Wait! Hold it up so I can listen.
-What we did last night was -Stupid.
Totally crazy, stupid.
What were we thinking? I'm coming over tonight though, right? Definitely.
Friends, family we are gathered to celebrate the joyous union of Ross and Emily.
May the happiness of today be with them always.
Now, Emily, repeat after me.
-l, Emily -l, Emily -take thee, Ross -take thee, Ross.
as my lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health till death parts us.
As my lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health until death parts us.
Now, Ross.
Repeat after me.
I, Ross I, Ross take thee, Emily take thee, Rachel Emily.
Emily.
Shall I go on? "Mother, Mother, Pizza, Pizza," take one.
Oh, the band's ready? We gotta do what the band says, right? I don't care about the stupid band! -Well, it's getting late.
-Here we go.
Actually, you guys mind staying here with me for a while? You know, we gotta get up early and catch the plane to New York.
Yeah, it's a very large plane.
Why, what's the matter?