Full House s04e08 Episode Script

Shape Up

OK, SHORTY.
WHAT CEREAL HAVE YOU BEEN BUGGING YOUR UNCLE JESSE TO BUY FOR BREAKFAST? FIBER BEARS! YOU GOT IT, DUDE.
I'M GLAD I WOKE YOU UP.
ME, TOO.
IF YOU HADN'T COME IN AND JUMPED ON MY STOMACH, I'D HAVE MISSED A BEAUTIFUL SUNRISE THIS MORNING.
I'LL GET THE MILK.
HERE HE IS.
PARTY TEDDY.
MICHELLE, WHAT ABOUT BREAKFAST? TWO EGGS.
OVER EASY.
THANK YOU.
I'LL OVER EASY YOU.
COME HERE! * AHH * * AHH * * WHATEVER HAPPENED TO PREDICTABILITY * * THE MILKMAN, THE PAPER BOY * * EVENIN' TV * * HOW DID I GET DELIVERED HERE * * SOMEBODY TELL ME, PLEASE * * THIS OLD WORLD'S * * CONFUSIN' ME * * CLOUDS AS MEAN AS YOU'VE EVER SEEN * * AIN'T A BIRD WHO KNOWS YOUR TUNE * * THEN A LITTLE VOICE INSIDE YOU WHISPERS * * KID, DON'T SELL YOUR DREAMS SO SOON * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * THERE'S A HEART * * A HAND TO HOLD ONTO * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * THERE'S A FACE OF SOMEBODY WHO NEEDS YOU * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * WHEN YOU'RE LOST OUT THERE * * AND YOU'RE ALL ALONE * * A LIGHT IS WAITIN' * * TO CARRY YOU HOME * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * DO BE DO BA BA DA ** CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.
HEY, DEEJ, LOOK WHAT I GOT IN SCHOOL TODAY.
A RECORDER.
ANY REQUESTS? YES.
PLEASE DON'T PLAY.
ON TOP OF OLD SMOKEY? YOU GOT IT.
[BLOWS BAD NOTE] OH, YEAH.
THAT'S NOT GOING TO DRIVE ME NUTS.
THIS HAPPENS TO BE MY HOMEWORK FOR MUSIC APPRECIATION.
WELL, WHEN IT HAPPENS TO BE MUSIC, I'LL APPRECIATE IT.
NOW, WILL YOU PLEASE PRACTICE SOMEWHERE ELSE? I'M MAKING A COLLAGE FOR KIMMY'S BIRTHDAY CARD.
HOWDY, GIRLS.
KIMMY, YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE IN THIS ROOM.
I'VE BEEN TELLING HER THAT FOR YEARS.
HERE'S YOUR INVITATION TO MY SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY.
YOU'RE THROWING YOURSELF A SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY? YEAH, AND THIS IS THE FACE I'M GONNA USE.
"YOU ARE CORDIALLY INVITED "TO ATTEND KIMMY'S FABULOUS 14th SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY AT THE EXCELSIOR HOTEL"? WHOA! HOW DID YOU SWING THAT? MY BROTHER GARTH IS A BELLHOP.
HE CAN SNEAK US INTO THE POOL AREA.
OH, BUT IF ANYONE ASKS YOU ARE HEATHER ZINK, FROM PHILADELPHIA, AND YOU'RE STAYING IN ROOM 1541.
YOU'RE HAVING A POOL PARTY IN NOVEMBER? WHAT A DUMB IDEA.
NO, THEY HAVE AN INDOOR POOL.
TOMORROW WE CAN GO SHOPPING FOR NEW BATHING SUITS.
THIS PARTY'S GONNA BE SO RAD.
YEAH, RAD FOR YOU.
BECAUSE YOU HAVE THE PERFECT BODY.
ME? THE PERFECT BODY? WELL, I GUESS I CAN'T ARGUE WITH YOU THERE.
THERE IS NO WAY I'M WEARING A BATHING SUIT IN FRONT OF EVERYONE UNTIL I LOOK LIKE ONE OF THESE MODELS.
BUT, D.
J.
, YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND.
YOU'VE GOTTA COME TO MY PARTY.
ALL RIGHT.
I'LL COME.
BUT THIS MEANS I'VE ONLY GOT TWO WEEKS TO GET SKINNY, STARTING RIGHT NOW.
SO NO MORE COOKIES.
HOW DO YOU STAY SO THIN? WELL, I EXERCISE, LIKE WAIST BENDS, FOR EXAMPLE.
AND 1 AND 2 AND 3 AND 4.
AND THEN I WATCH WHAT I EAT.
THIS LOOKS GOOD.
HEY, IS ANYBODY HOME? HI, DEEJ.
HI.
WOW, I GUESS YOUR DAD AND THE GUYS WILL LIKE THESE A LOT BETTER THAN MICHELLE'S FINGER-PAINTINGS.
LOOKING AT THESE MODELS IS GONNA HELP ME STAY OUT OF THE REFRIGERATOR.
WHY? ARE YOU TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT? I'VE GOT TWO WEEKS TO LOOK LIKE YOU.
DO YOU MIND IF I SCOTCH TAPE YOU TO THE REFRIGERATOR? DEEJ, IF YOU WANNA LOSE A COUPLE OF POUNDS, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS EAT SENSIBLY.
YOU COULD HAVE BROILED FISH, LEAN CHICKEN WITHOUT THE SKIN, FRESH FRUITS, DELICIOUS STEAMED VEGETABLES, A NICE WHOLE GRAIN PASTA WITH A LIGHT TOMATO SAUCE AND JUST A SPRINKLING OF PARMESAN CHEESE-- BECKY, I'M TRYING TO KEEP MY MIND OFF OF FOOD.
SORRY.
THE IMPORTANT THING IS JUST KEEPING JUNK FOOD OUT OF THE HOUSE.
CAKE'S HERE.
UH, JESS MAYBE WE SHOULD DO THAT LATER.
OH.
THAT'S OK, BECKY.
I DON'T NEED ANY CAKE.
I'LL JUST HAVE ONE OF THESE DELICIOUS WATER POPS I MADE.
ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY! IN THE KITCHEN! I NEED SOME OPINIONS! FREE CAKE! FREE CAKE? CAKE? DID YOU SAY SOMETHING'S FREE? I'M COMING, I'M COMING, I'M COMING! I'M HERE.
ALL RIGHT, WE NEED YOU GUYS TO HELP ME AND BECKY PICK OUT A WEDDING CAKE.
I THOUGHT WE DECIDED ON A CHOCOLATE CAKE.
WELL, WE DID, BUT CHOCOLATE'S NOT JUST CHOCOLATE ANYMORE.
SEE WHAT I MEAN? WHOA, BABY! YOU SEE, YOU GOT YOUR DARK CHOCOLATE, YOUR WHITE CHOCOLATE, YOUR CHUNKY CHOCOLATE, YOUR MOCHO CHOCO-CHOCOLATE, YOUR DOUBLE FUDGE CHOCOLATE, YOUR TRIPLE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE AND CARROT CAKE.
WELL, THE CARROT CAKE WAS SITTING THERE SO LONELY.
NO ONE PICKS CARROT CAKE.
LET'S PIG OUT.
NOW, NOW, MICHELLE, YOU'RE NOT BEING VERY POLITE.
I'M SORRY.
LET'S PIG OUT, PLEASE.
COME ON, DEEJ.
YOU'RE GONNA MISS THE CAKE.
OH, WHO NEEDS CAKE WHEN YOU CAN LICK ICE ON A STICK? MMM.
WET AND COLD, AND THAT'S ABOUT IT.
I CAN'T TAKE IT.
I NEED THAT CAKE.
WHOA, MICHELLE.
MICHE-- ALL RIGHT.
MICHELLE.
MICHELLE.
WHICH ONE DO YOU LIKE BEST? CHOCOLATE.
LET'S GO GIVE HER A BATH.
YEAH.
WEIGH-IN TIME.
I HATE THIS PART.
YOU NEED SOME WEIGHING MUSIC.
[HITS BAD NOTE] STEPH, HAVE MERCY ON MY EARS, WILL YOU? THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT.
TWO DAYS, AND I'VE LOST 1/2 A POUND? I'M GOING OFF THIS STUPID DIET.
GOOD.
YOU DON'T NEED TO BE ON A DIET, ANYWAY.
YOU WANNA SHAPE UP A LITTLE BIT, JUST EXERCISE.
I WANT YOU TO WORK OUT AT MICHELLE'S GYM.
OH, YEAH, LIKE I REALLY WANT MICHELLE'S BODY.
THEY HAVE AN ADULT GYM DOWN THERE, TOO.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
SATURDAY, WE'LL GET THE WHOLE FAMILY TO GO DOWN, THEY CAN ALL USE A LITTLE TONING UP.
OF COURSE, IN MY CASE, I'D JUST BE TONING TONE.
I'LL PROVIDE THE WORKOUT MUSIC.
[HITS BAD NOTE] STEPHANIE YES, MICHELLE? YOU ARE NOT GOOD.
NO, IT'S JUST SHE'S MISSING ONE NOTE.
HERE, I'LL SHOW YOU THE NOTE.
OBSERVE.
[HITS BAD NOTE] [HITS BAD NOTE] YOU ARE NOT GOOD, TOO.
WAIT A MINUTE.
SOMETHING'S STUCK IN HERE.
THAT'S WHERE I STUCK MY GUM.
THAT IS NOT FUNNY.
AW, LOOK AT THAT, COMET.
YOU CAN SEE YOURSELF.
THAT'S WHAT I GET FOR SHOWING OFF.
DOING DISHES? ANOTHER BIG SATURDAY, HUH, MR.
T? IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU, TOO, KIMMY.
D.
J.
, YOU MISSED LUNCH, BUT I SAVED YOU A SANDWICH.
OH WELL, GREAT.
THANKS, DAD.
HEY, CHECK OUT MY NEW BATHING SUIT FOR MY POOL PARTY.
IT'S YOU, KIMMY-- LOUD.
D.
J.
, YOU EAT UP.
WE'RE ALL GOING TO THE GYM.
I'M SKIPPING LUNCH.
DO YOU WANT MY SANDWICH? YEAH, SURE.
HAM? AGAIN? I'VE BEEN EATING YOUR LUNCH FOR THREE DAYS AND EVERY SANDWICH IS HAM.
DID YOUR DAD HIT A PIG WITH HIS CAR? GOODBYE, KIMMY.
D.
J.
, YOU'RE GIVING YOUR LUNCHES TO KIMMY? YEAH, SO WHAT? YOU'VE BEEN SKIPPING BREAKFAST AND DINNER, TOO.
I'M NOT AN EXPERT ON THIS BUT SHOULDN'T A PERSON EAT? UH, YOU'RE RIGHT, STEPH.
I'LL EAT MY SANDWICH.
YOU PROMISE? I PROMISE.
MUCH BETTER.
NOW GET YOURSELF AN APPLE AND A GLASS OF MILK.
AND YOUR BASIC FOOD GROUPS ARE COVERED.
COME HERE, COMET.
LOOK WHAT I HAVE FOR YOU-- PEOPLE FOOD.
YOU'RE LUCKY.
DOGS DON'T HAVE TO WEAR BATHING SUITS.
D.
J.
! YOU PROMISED YOU'D EAT YOUR SANDWICH.
YOU LIED.
COMET STOLE IT RIGHT OUR OF MY HAND.
YOU'RE LYING AGAIN.
NO, I'M NOT.
LIE NUMBER THREE.
WHEN WILL THIS END? LOOK, STEPH.
I'VE GOT ONE WEEK TO LOOK GOOD IN A BATHING SUIT IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS.
YOU KNOW, WHEN THE PARTY'S OVER, I'LL START EATING AGAIN.
BUT UNTIL THEN, THIS IS OUR SECRET.
NOW GIVE ME YOUR PINKIE.
NO, NOT THE PINKIE.
YES, THE PINKIE.
YOU HAVE TO PINKIE SWEAR THAT YOU WON'T TELL ANYONE I HAVEN'T BEEN EATING.
NOW HOOK UP.
NOW SAY IT.
PINKIE SWEAR.
PINKIE SWEAR.
BUT I DON'T LIKE IT.
WELL, TOO BAD.
YOUR LIPS ARE SEALED.
IT SMELLS LIKE A SWEAT SOCK IN HERE.
YEP, THESE ARE MY PEOPLE.
WHAT DO YOU BENCH, DUDE? BEGINNER, HUH? IT'S COOL.
IT BETTER BE.
HEY, MISTER, YOU ARE VERY LUMPY.
I HOPE YOU'RE NOT OFFENDED.
BUT IF YOU ARE, THAT'S HER FATHER RIGHT THERE.
SO WHAT'S THE BEST WAY TO BURN OFF CALORIES? WELL, YOU MAKE IT FUN.
YOU COULD RIDE A BIKE.
I LOVED RIDING A BIKE WHEN I WAS A KID.
OF COURSE, MY BANANA SEAT HUFFY DIDN'T HAVE AN ONBOARD COMPUTER.
SWEETHEART, START OFF SLOW ON NUMBER 1.
YOU DON'T WANNA DO TOO MUCH TOO SOON, OKAY? GOT IT.
COME ON, STEPH, LET'S GO STRETCH BEFORE AEROBICS CLASS.
TO THE KIDDIE GYM.
BOYS, FOLLOW ME.
TO THE KIDDIE GYM.
HI, ZACHARY.
HI, KELSEY.
HI, KID I DON'T KNOW.
ALRIGHT, MICHELLE, SHOW US YOUR STUFF.
HERE, LOOSEN UP FIRST.
READY, FREDDY.
MICHELLE TANNER WILL NOW COMPETE IN THE IRON MUNCHKIN TRIATHLON.
THE FIRST EVENT-- OOH, THE TRAMPOLINE.
I LOVE THIS.
LET'S SEE THAT AGAIN IN SLOW MOTION.
ILOVETHIS.
OK.
OOH, THE NEXT EVENT-- THE BALANCE BEAM.
OOH REMEMBER, FOLKS, SHE'S WORKING WITHOUT A NET.
AND NOW FOR THE BIG FINISH-- MICHELLE WILL ATTEMPT A SINGLE-TUCK SOMERSAULT WITH NO TWIST.
OOH OOH WE NEED COMPLETE SILENCE AS SHE PREPARES.
OOH, SHE'S PSYCHED UP.
AND THERE SHE GOES! TA-DA! A PERFECT 10! I AM PUMPED.
COME ON, DANNY.
DIG DEEP.
YOU CAN DO IT.
ALL RIGHT, YOU GOT ONE MORE IN YOU.
COME ON, GIVE US ONE MORE.
AND TAKE IT, GUYS, TAKE IT.
OH THANKS FOR PUSHING ME.
[MACHINE BEEPS] AEROBICS TIME.
COME ON, BOYS.
I'M NOT GOING TO AEROBICS.
ME, NEITHER.
COME ONE, WE DON'T WANNA BE LATE FOR AEROBICS.
ME, NEITHER.
ME, NEITHER.
[DISCO MUSIC PLAYING] OKAY, LET'S KEEP IT MOVING OUT THERE! WORK THOSE BODIES! COME ON, GUYS.
STARING AT WOMEN IS NOT A WORKOUT.
OH, YEAH? IT'S GOT MY HEART GOING PRETTY GOOD.
YOU GUYS GONNA MAKE IT HERE? YES.
YES.
YES.
OH, YEAH? DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TEARS IN YOUR EYES WHEN YOU EXERCISE? YES.
YES.
YES.
LET'S MOVE UP FRONT.
MAYBE IT'LL HELP IF YOU CAN SEE ME BETTER.
IT COULDN'T HURT.
MOVE THOSE LEGS, BOYS! COME ON! MOVE IT UP HERE! ALL RIGHT, NOW, CRANK IT UP! FEEL THAT BURN! I'M BURNING, I'M BURNING.
OH, I'M BURNING.
ALL RIGHT, AND REST! OH OH OH D.
J.
'S GOT TO SEE THIS.
ALL RIGHT.
NOW THAT WE'RE ALL WARMED UP, LET'S START THE CLASS.
I'M GONNA GO WORK OUT WITH MICHELLE.
I BETTER GO WITH YOU.
I BETTER STAY HERE.
WHY? 'CAUSE I CAN'T MOVE.
DEEJ, COME OVER TO AEROBICS.
YOU'RE MISSING THE FUN.
I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.
DAD! D.
J.
! D.
J.
, ARE YOU OK? YEAH, I JUST GOT A LITTLE DIZZY.
HERE, DRINK THIS.
HOW DO YOU FEEL NOW, DEEJ? UH, I'M OK.
I GUESS I JUST OVERDID IT.
BUT, D.
J.
-- STEPH, I'M OK.
I THINK WE BETTER GO GET MICHELLE AND GO HOME.
COME ON.
HI, GUYS.
HEY, D.
J.
YOU FEELING BETTER AFTER YOUR NAP, HONEY? YEAH, I'M AS GOOD AS NEW.
ARE YOU SURE? YES, I'M SURE.
ARE YOU REALLY SURE? WOULD EVERYBODY QUIT MAKING SUCH A BIG DEAL ABOUT THIS? DEEJ, I MADE YOUR FAVORITE-- CHICKEN PARMESAN.
COME HERE AND CHECK OUT THIS SAUCE.
ICAN'T.
I JUST BRUSHED MY TEETH.
BEFORE DINNER? DOESN'T ANYBODY CARE ABOUT DENTAL HYGIENE AROUND HERE? WHOA, D.
J.
, CALM DOWN.
I HAPPEN TO CARE VERY DEEPLY ABOUT OUR FAMILY'S TEETH AND GUMS.
NOW, WHAT'S GOING ON? NOTHING IS GOING ON.
I'M GOING TO KIMMY'S FOR DINNER.
DON'T BELIEVE HER, DAD.
STEPH, YOU PINKIE SWORE.
I DON'T CARE.
I DON'T WANT YOU TO GET SICK.
DAD, I KNOW WHY D.
J.
'S ACTING SO CRANKY AND WHY SHE GOT DIZZY TODAY.
SHE HASN'T EATEN ANYTHING IN THREE DAYS.
IS THAT TRUE? YOU HAVEN'T EATEN ANYTHING IN THREE DAYS? D.
J.
, I THINK YOU SHOULD SIT DOWN AND EAT RIGHT NOW.
I CAN'T.
I'M FINALLY STARTING TO LOSE WEIGHT.
D.
J.
YOU'RE STARVING YOURSELF.
YOU COULD DO SERIOUS DAMAGE TO YOUR BODY.
DEEJ, THIS KIND OF BEHAVIOR CAN LEAD TO SERIOUS EATING DISORDERS-- ANOREXIA, BULIMIA.
YOU'RE HEADED DOWN A DANGEROUS ROAD HERE.
I DON'T CARE.
I'M THE ONE THAT HAS TO WEAR THE BATHING SUIT NEXT WEEK.
IT'S MY LIFE AND I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT.
DEEJ, HANG ON A MINUTE.
I HOPE SHE'S NOT MAD AT ME.
NAH.
YOU DID THE RIGHT THING.
SHE'S LUCKY TO HAVE A SISTER LIKE YOU.
D.
J.
, WE HAVE TO TALK.
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I DON'T LIKE THE WAY I LOOK.
I WANNA LOOK LIKE THESE MODELS.
WHY? BECAUSE THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL.
WELL, SO ARE YOU.
OH, YEAH? WELL SHOW ME ONE GIRL IN HERE WITH THIS ROUND FACE AND THESE CHARLIE BROWN CHEEKS.
HONEY, PEOPLE COME IN ALL DIFFERENT SHAPES AND SIZES.
EVERYBODY WISHES THEY COULD CHANGE SOMETHING ABOUT THEMSELVES.
HECK, WHEN I WAS A KID, I WISHED I COULD'VE BEEN MORE LIKE THAT GUY ON THE INCREDIBLE HULK.
YOU WANNA BE A BIG GREEN MONSTER WITH MUSCLES? NO, NOT HIM, THE OTHER GUY.
THE GUY THAT TURNED INTO THE HULK.
[SIGHS] HE WAS JUST NICE AND AVERAGE.
HE WASN'T TOO TALL, HE WASN'T TOO SKINNY.
HE DIDN'T STICK OUT LIKE I THOUGHT I DID.
THEN I REALIZED HE DIDN'T HAVE IT SO EASY, EITHER.
EVERY TIME HE LOST HIS TEMPER, HE HAD TO BUY A NEW SHIRT.
WELL YOU MADE ME SMILE, BUT THERE'S STILL NO WAY I'M WEARING A BATHING SUIT IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS.
OK, LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION.
WHY DO YOU LIKE YOUR FRIENDS? BECAUSE THEY'RE NICE, AND WE HAVE FUN TOGETHER, AND WE DO STUFF FOR EACH OTHER.
NOT BECAUSE THEY ALL LOOK LIKE MODELS? NO.
MAYBE THAT'S BECAUSE DEEP DOWN INSIDE YOU KNOW THAT HOW A PERSON LOOKS ON THE OUTSIDE ISN'T NEARLY AS IMPORTANT AS WHO THEY ARE ON THE INSIDE, RIGHT? RIGHT.
HONEY, I JUST WISH YOU WOULD TRY TO SEE YOURSELF THE WAY YOU SEE YOUR FRIENDS.
DEEJ, YOU GOT SUCH A GOOD HEART.
YOU CARE ABOUT PEOPLE.
THAT'S WHY PEOPLE CARE ABOUT YOU.
AND EVERYBODY WHO KNOWS THE REAL D.
J.
THINKS SHE'S PRETTY TERRIFIC.
THANKS, DAD.
I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU, TOO.
THAT'S WHY I WANT YOU TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
I WANT YOU TO PROMISE ME THAT YOU'RE GONNA EAT HEALTHY AND EXERCISE THE RIGHT WAY.
I PROMISE.
NO MORE CRASH DIETS.
I'M GONNA GO TO KIMMY'S PARTY AND HAVE FUN WITH MY FRIENDS.
GREAT.
ANYTHING ELSE YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT? YEAH.
IS DINNER READY? LET'S GO CHECK.
WELL FIRST, I'LL START OUT WITH A SALAD, DRESSING ON THE SIDE.
OOH.
A ROLL WITH NO BUTTER CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL