Full House s04e13 Episode Script
Happy New Year
WHAT KIND OF BUG ARE YOU? D.
J.
! HEY, MICHELLE.
WHAT DO YOU HAVE THERE? A HAIRY WORM.
WELL, I THINK THAT HAIRY WORM IS CALLED A CATERPILLAR.
MR.
CATERPILLAR IS AN UGLY BUG.
WELL, PRETTY SOON HE'S GOING TO TURN INTO A BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY.
NO WAY, JOSE.
IT'S TRUE, MAGOO.
IT'S LIKE IN THE FAIRY TALES.
THE PRINCESS KISSES THE UGLY FROG, AND HE TURNS INTO A HANDSOME PRINCE.
GET IT? GOT IT, DUDE.
YOU'RE GOING TO STAY A CATERPILLAR BECAUSE I'M NOT KISSING YOU.
* AHH, AHH, AHH, AHH * * AHH * * WHATEVER HAPPENED TO PREDICTABILITY * * THE MILKMAN, THE PAPERBOY * * EVENIN' TV * * HOW DID I GET DELIVERED HERE * * SOMEBODY TELL ME, PLEASE * * THIS OLD WORLD'S * * CONFUSIN' ME * * CLOUDS AS MEAN AS YOU'VE EVER SEEN * * AIN'T A BIRD WHO KNOWS YOUR TUNE * * THEN A LITTLE VOICE INSIDE YOU WHISPERS * * KID, DON'T SELL YOUR DREAMS SO SOON * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * THERE'S A HEART * * A HAND TO HOLD ONTO * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * THERE'S A FACE OF SOMEBODY WHO NEEDS YOU * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * WHEN YOU'RE LOST OUT THERE * * AND YOU'RE ALL ALONE * * A LIGHT IS WAITIN' * * TO CARRY YOU HOME * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * DO BE DO BA BA DA ** CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.
HI, MELINDA.
IT'S JOEY.
JOEY GLADSTONE.
[CHUCKLES.]
YEAH, WE WENT OUT ABOUT 10 MONTHS AGO.
YEAH.
MAYBE THIS WILL HELP YOU.
[IMITATES POPEYE.]
HY-GA-GA-GA-WHOA! YEAH.
YEAH.
SO HOW THE HECK ARE YOU? MARRIED.
WELL, THEN YOU PROBABLY HAVE A DATE FOR NEW YEAR'S EVE.
BYE.
[IMITATES POPEYE.]
OH, BOY.
I COULD'VE THROWN THAT ONE OVERBOARD.
HEY! HEY, YOU GUYS.
HOW WAS THE BIG DOUBLE DATE? OH, IT WAS GREAT.
WE ENDED UP AT HAPPY MOUNTAIN AMUSEMENT PARK.
YEAH, IT WAS SO ROMANTIC.
WE WENT TO THE "TEST YOUR STRENGTH" BOOTH, AND WITH ONE SWING OF THE HAMMER JESSE RANG THE BELL AND WON ME THIS CUTE TEDDY GORILLA.
AND THEN CINDY STEPPED UP AND WON THIS FOR ME.
MY HERO.
SO, JOE, ARE WE GONNA TRIPLE DATE ON NEW YEAR'S EVE, HUH? DID YOU FIND THE LUCKY GIRL YET? NOT YET, BUT I STILL GOT "T" THROUGH "Z.
" WELL, YOU CAN'T MISS THE BIG PARTY DOWN AT THE STATION.
WHY, IS DANNY GOING TO BE BABY NEW YEAR AGAIN? NOT AFTER THAT WICKED DIAPER RASH I GOT LAST YEAR.
QUIT YAKKING.
HIT THE PHONES.
COME ON, WE NEED YOU TO GO TO THE PARTY.
IT'S NO PARTY WITHOUT YOU.
LET'S GO.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
IT'S RINGING.
HI.
IS MARY TRABULOUS THERE? OH, NOW IT'S SISTER MARY? OH, WELL.
YOU GOT A DATE FOR NEW YEAR'S EVE? HANG ON.
YOU GUYS WANT TO SKIP THE PARTY AND GO TO MASS? D.
J.
: GO AHEAD, COMET.
GIVE IT A TRY.
YEAH! HOW DOES HE DO THAT? I DON'T KNOW.
LET'S TRY IT.
GREAT.
I'M JUST IN TIME FOR STUPID TANNER TRICKS.
KIMMY, HERE'S A GOOD NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION FOR YOU.
MOVE TO COSTA RICA.
JUST OR THAT, YOU'RE NOT INVITED TO MY NEW YEAR'S EVE PARTY.
WHOA, KIMMY.
YOUR PARENTS ARE GONNA LET YOU HAVE THAT PARTY? YEP.
THEY SAID I COULD HAVE IT AS LONG AS IT WAS LIMITED TO A SMALL INTIMATE GATHERING OF MY CLOSEST PERSONAL FRIENDS, WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT I PUT ON THE FLYERS.
SEE YOU THERE.
"CUTE BOYS ADMITTED FREE.
" GOOD IDEA.
NOT SO FAST, PARTY GIRL.
DID WE FORGET WHO'S SPENDING NEW YEAR'S EVE BABYSITTING ME AND MICHELLE? NO.
YES.
NO.
SHE SAID YES.
WHO NEEDS A PARTY FULL OF CUTE BOYS WHEN YOU CAN RING IN THE NEW YEAR WITH YOUR SWEET, ADORABLE SISTERS? DAD! DAD! DAD! HI.
THIS IS JOEY GLADSTONE.
IS BARBARA ZOREK THERE? OH, HI, MRS.
ZOREK.
BARBARA MOVED TO ALASKA? WELL, UH, MRS.
ZOREK IT'S ESTELLE, RIGHT? YEAH.
ARE YOU BUSY NEW YEAR'S EVE? OH, WELL.
MAYBE NEXT YEAR.
YEAH.
GOOD-BYE.
DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! YEAH.
YEAH, WHAT'S THE MATTER? KIMMY'S HAVING A BIG NEW YEAR'S EVE PARTY, AND I KNOW I PROMISED TO BABY-SIT MICHELLE AND STEPHANIE, BUT JUST FOR ONE NIGHT, CAN'T WE PUT THEM IN A KENNEL OR SOMETHING? THAT IS A TERRIBLE THING TO SAY ABOUT YOUR SISTERS.
BESIDES, KENNELS ARE VERY EXPENSIVE.
DON'T WORRY, DEEJ.
I HAVE NO LIFE.
I'LL BABY-SIT YOUR SISTERS.
OH, JOEY, I LOVE YOU! THANK YOU FOR HAVING NO LIFE.
HEY, MY PLEASURE.
HEY, JOE, DID YOU GET A DATE YET? YEP.
I GOT TWO OF 'EM.
GIRLS, WE ARE GOING TO HAVE ONE HAPPY NEW YEAR'S EVE.
ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! WHAT IS NEW YEAR'S EVE? NEW YEAR'S EVE IS THE FUNNEST PARTY OF THE YEAR.
YOU GET TO STAY UP LATE AND SCREAM, "HAPPY NEW YEAR!" HAPPY NEW YEAR! HAPPY NEW YEAR! HAPPY NEW YEAR! MICHELLE, IT'S NOT NEW YEAR'S EVE YET.
I KNOW THAT, SILLY, BUT I'M JUST PRACTICING.
HAPPY NEW YEAR! HAPPY NEW YEAR! HAPPY NEW YEAR! JOEY, I HATE IT THAT YOU'RE NOT GOING TO THIS PARTY WITH US.
WHAT'S THE POINT? THE CLOCK WILL STRIKE MIDNIGHT, YOU'LL KISS YOUR GIRLFRIEND, YOU'LL KISS YOUR FIANCEE, AND I'LL GO INTO THIS PATHETIC BIT.
I THINK I DATED HER ONCE.
JOEY, YOU'RE JUST IN A LITTLE SLUMP.
THINGS WILL TURN AROUND.
YEAH, BUT WHEN? ALL I WANT TO DO IS MARRY THE GIRL OF MY DREAMS, HAVE A COUPLE OF KIDS OF MY OWN, AND ALWAYS KNOW THAT I HAVE A DATE EVERY NEW YEAR'S EVE.
DANIEL, WE GOT TO GET THAT BOY A WOMAN.
JESSE, JOEY IS NEVER GOING TO AGREE TO MAKE A TAPE FOR A VIDEO DATING SERVICE.
THAT'S WHY WE DON'T TELL HIM, SEE? I GOT A PLAN.
WHAT WE DO IS SECRETLY HIDE THE CAMERA LIKE SO, GET HIM UP HERE, PUT HIM IN THAT CHAIR, AND MAKE HIM STAY THERE.
YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT ALL THIS UNDERHANDED TRICKERY? YES.
JUST CHECKING.
HERE WE GO.
JOEY, GET UP HERE IN THE ATTIC.
JESSE AND I NEED TO TALK TO YOU, AND IT'S AN EMERGENCY.
WHAT KIND OF EMERGENCY? NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! JUST GET UP HERE! ALL RIGHT, THE CHAIR'S SET.
ALL RIGHT.
TAPE'S ROLLING.
AND ACTION.
HI.
I'M DANNY TANNER.
AND I'M JESSE KATSOPOLIS.
LADIES, YOU HAVE SEEN THE REST, AND NOW YOU'RE GOING TO MEET THE BEST-- JOEY GLADSTONE.
RIGHT, NOW, JOEY WOULD NEVER JOIN ONE OF THESE VIDEO DATING SERVICES BECAUSE HE WOULDN'T WANT TO LOOK DESPERATE.
NOT THAT YOU GIRLS LOOK DESPERATE.
I'M SURE YOU JOINED UP FOR OTHER REASONS, NONE OF THEM HAVING TO DO ANYTHING WITH DESPERATION.
CAN YOU HELP ME OUT HERE PLEASE? YOU BET I CAN.
WHO IS JOEY GLADSTONE? WELL, IF I WAS A WOMAN-- THAT'S A BIG IF, BY THE WAY-- I'D SAY THAT JOEY IS A MAJOR HUNK OF BEEF.
GUYS, ARE YOU UP THERE? ALL RIGHT.
HERE HE COMES.
REMEMBER, HE DOESN'T KNOW WE'RE TAPING THIS, SO YOU'RE GONNA SEE THE REAL JOSEPH GLADSTONE.
YOU GUYS OK? ARE WE OK? ISN'T THAT JUST LIKE JOEY GLADSTONE TO THINK OF OTHER PEOPLE FIRST? SO WHAT'S THE BIG EMERGENCY? UH, WE GOT A NEW CHAIR.
WE HAVE A NEW CHAIR, AND WE NEED YOU TO TEST IT OUT FOR US.
HERE, SIT DOWN THERE.
THERE WE GO.
YOU DRAGGED ME OUT OF THE SHOWER FOR THIS? JOEY, I DON'T MAKE A MOVE WITHOUT YOU.
I MEAN, AFTER ALL, YOU DO OWN HALF THIS PRODUCTION COMPANY.
YOU'RE A VERY SUCCESSFUL STAND-UP COMIC, YOU ENJOY HOCKEY, THE THREE STOOGES, AND LONG WALKS ALONG THE BEACH.
AND UNDERNEATH ALL THIS SHAVING CREAM IS A HANDSOME AND MANLY FACE.
YES, WITH SOME VERY NICE HAIR, I MIGHT ADD.
DANNY, I CAN SHAVE MYSELF.
HE CAN SHAVE HIMSELF.
IS THERE NO LIMIT TO THIS MAN'S TALENTS? WHY DO YOU GUYS KEEP TALKING TO THAT EASEL? TALKING TO AN EASEL.
AND WHAT A SENSE OF HUMOR.
AND HEY DOESN'T HE CLEAN UP NICE? YOU GUYS ARE REALLY SCARING ME, SO I'M JUST GOING TO LEAVE NOW.
IF YOU TRY AND CHASE ME, I'M GOING TO SCREAM LIKE A GIRL.
OH, HO, HO.
ISN'T HE SPECIAL? JOEY GLADSTONE.
CALL NOW.
OPERATORS ARE STANDING BY.
JOE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? MAKING CONFETTI FOR MY BIG NEW YEAR'S EVE PARTY WITH STEPHANIE AND MICHELLE.
IT IS GOING TO BE WILD.
[HUMMING AULD LANG SYNE.]
[MAKES PARTY FAVOR NOISE.]
JOEY, REMEMBER THE OTHER DAY WHEN WE HAD YOU TEST THAT NEW CHAIR? YOU'RE NOT GOING TO SHAVE ME AGAIN, ARE YOU? AH, WE DID A GREAT THING.
SEE, WE SECRETLY PUT YOU ON TAPE, AND WE ENROLLED YOU IN A VIDEO DATING SERVICE.
HOW DARE YOU SUBJECT ME TO THAT KIND OF PUBLIC HUMILIATION WITHOUT MY PERSONAL CONSENT.
I HAVE A TAPE HERE FULL OF WOMEN WHO WANT TO MEET YOU.
GOD BLESS YOU FELLAS.
ROLL THAT TAPE.
I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOUR DATES RIGHT HERE ON THE LOVE CONNECTION.
ALL RIGHT.
HERE WE GO.
HI.
I'M DARLENE.
I'M SINGLE, A NONSMOKER.
I LOVE WATERSPORTS.
I'M 2,420 YEARS OLD AND HAIL FROM THE PLANET ZORON.
UH, LET'S MOVE AHEAD AND SEE IF ANY EARTHLINGS LIKED MY TAPE.
HI.
I'M GINGER.
MY PAROLE OFFICER SAYS I NEED TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS.
THIS GIRL DOESN'T KNOW WHERE I LIVE, DOES SHE? LOOK, I APPRECIATE WHAT YOU GUYS ARE TRYING TO DO FOR ME, BUT THIS IS ALL JUST A BIG WASTE OF TIME.
HI.
I'M CHRISTINE.
MY FRIENDS SIGNED ME UP FOR THIS FOR CHRISTMAS.
I REALLY WANTED AN ELECTRIC FOOT MASSAGER, BUT MAYBE I'LL FIND SOMEBODY NICE WHO'LL RUB MY FEET.
IF NOT, I'LL FIND SOME USE FOR THIS TAPE.
HAPPY NEW YEAR, MOM.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH HER? NOTHING.
SHE'S GREAT.
I'M CALLING HER.
JOEY! JOEY! JOEY! JOEY! JOEY! JOEY! JOEY! JOEY! JOEY! JOEY! HELLO.
CHRISTINE? JOEY GLADSTONE.
YEAH, THE CHAIR TESTER.
HEY, LISTEN, I KNOW IT'S NEW YEAR'S EVE, BUT YOU'RE NOT BUSY? THAT'S GREAT! WAIT.
WAIT.
I'M BUSY.
I COULD MAKE US DINNER.
WE COULD HANG OUT HERE.
GREAT! OKAY, I'LL CALL YOU BACK WITH ALL THE DETAILS.
BYE, CHRISTINE.
ALL RIGHT, JOSEPH! YOU GOT YOURSELF A DATE FOR NEW YEAR'S EVE.
THIS IS NOT JUST A DATE.
MY SEARCH IS OVER.
I HAVE FINALLY FOUND THE GIRL OF MY DREAMS.
HUH? DON'T WE MAKE A GREAT COUPLE? YOU GUYS, I THINK I'M IN LOVE.
I'M GOING TO KIMMY'S PARTY, DAD.
SEE YOU NEXT YEAR.
HAPPY NEW YEAR, HONEY.
NOW, DON'T FORGET YOUR CURFEW IS 11:30.
DAD, IT'S NEW YEAR'S EVE.
SORRY.
12:05.
DAD, DON'T BE SUCH A DAD.
IT'S GOING TO BE A QUIET LITTLE PARTY AT KIMMY'S.
YEAH, RIGHT.
THAT'S WHY I FOUND THIS FLYER ON MY WINDSHIELD AT THE MARKET.
OH, LET'S COMPROMISE.
I'LL BE HOME AT 4:00 IN THE MORNING? DEAL.
BYE.
BYE.
HAVE A GOOD TIME, HONEY.
SEE YOU LATER.
NOW, RUSTY, REMEMBER, YOU'RE GOING TO BE ON YOUR BEST BEHAVIOR.
NO WATER BALLOONS, NO FOOD FIGHTS, AND NO INDOOR CAMPFIRES.
THEN WHAT'S THE FUN OF STAYING HERE? HEY, CAN'T I COME WITH YOU GUYS TO THE PARTY? AW, RUSTY, NOT IN A MILLION YEARS.
COME ON, LET ME GET YOUR WRAP.
HAPPY NEW YEAR! HAPPY NEW YEAR! MICHELLE, I KEEP TELLING YOU, WAIT UNTIL 12:00.
GIVE ME A BREAK.
I CAN'T TELL TIME.
HEY, STEPH, GUESS WHAT HAPPENS AT MIDNIGHT.
YOU GET A NEW YEAR'S KISS.
EWW, GROSS.
I'D RATHER KISS A FROG.
RIBBIT.
RIBBIT.
RIBBIT.
RIBBIT.
RIBBIT.
HAPPY NEW YEAR! HAPPY NEW YEAR! HAPPY NEW YEAR! IT'S NOT YET.
IT'S NOT YET.
HI, GUYS.
HEY.
HOPE I DIDN'T HOLD YOU UP.
JUST WANTED TO GET THE PERFECT DINNER FOR MY PERFECT GIRL-- CHRISTINE I DON'T KNOW HER LAST NAME YET.
JOEY, LISTEN.
I'M GLAD THAT YOU'RE EXCITED ABOUT YOUR DATE, BUT I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE DISAPPOINTED IF THERE'S NOT BELLS GOING OFF AND FIREWORKS.
I MEAN, THE ODDS OF LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT ARE PRETTY SLIM, PAL.
JOEY? CHRISTINE? HI.
HI.
THEN AGAIN, WHAT THE HELL DO I KNOW? LAST WEEK, WHEN I WAS ROLLERBLADING-- WAIT A SEC.
YOU ROLLERBLADE? OH, I LOVE IT.
I LOVE IT! GET OUT OF HERE! GET OUT OF HERE! DO YOU REMEMBER THE OLD BULLWINKLE SHOW? NOT ROCKY AND FRIENDS, BUT THE REAL BULLWINKLE SHOW? YEAH, YEAH.
[IMITATES ROCKY.]
AND NOW FOR SOMETHING WE HOPE YOU REALLY LIKE.
[IMITATES BULLWINKLE.]
NOTHING UP MY SLEEVE.
PRESTO! THIS IS SO AMAZING.
TWO TOTAL STRANGERS, FORCED TO JOIN A VIDEO DATING SERVICE AGAINST THEIR WILL, DISCOVER THAT THEY SHARE THE EXACT SAME INTERESTS.
I'LL BET YOU DO STAND-UP COMEDY, DON'T YOU? ACTUALLY, I'M A VETERINARIAN AT THE ZOO.
SO AM I! NO, YOU'RE NOT! I KNOW.
WE WERE JUST ON SUCH A ROLL THERE, I KIND OF HATED TO SEE IT END.
[IMITATES BULLWINKLE.]
THAT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL.
I MEAN, THAT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL.
ONLY THREE MORE MINUTES TO GO, YOU GUYS.
OH, MICHELLE, ARE YOU SLEEPING? HUH? HAPPY NEW YEAR.
HAPPY NEW YEAR.
NO.
IT'S STILL NOT TIME YET.
THIS IS TAKING FOREVER.
HI, EVERYONE.
YOU ALL KNOW RICKY.
DEEJ, WHAT HAPPENED WITH YOUR PARTY? WELL, KIMMY'S DAD FREAKED OUT AND SENT EVERYONE HOME.
YEAH, JUST 'CAUSE A FEW EXTRA GUESTS SHOWED UP.
HOW MANY EXTRA GUESTS? THE POLICE ESTIMATED 400.
THE GIBBLERS ARE VERY HAPPY.
YAH-HEY, EVERYBODY! YAH-HEY! YAH-HEY! WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON OUT THERE? I ESTIMATE THERE'S GOOD ESTIMATE.
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE? WE WANTED TO RING IN THE NEW YEAR WITH OUR FAMILY, YOU KNOW, PEOPLE WE REALLY LOVE.
LIKE OUR PAPERBOY.
HI, RICKY.
HEY, DUDE.
I'M WEARING THE HAT.
WHERE'S THE PARTY? IT'S ALMOST TIME.
EVERYBODY GET YOUR CONFETTI AND NOISEMAKERS READY.
AND YOUR LIPS.
WELL, I JUST CALLED THE PHONE LADY AND SYNCHRONIZED MY WATCH.
THERE'S PRECISELY HAPPY NEW YEAR! HAPPY NEW YEAR! HAPPY NEW YEAR! WELCOME TO A BRAND-NEW YEAR.
HAPPY NEW YEAR, SAN FRANCISCO, THE UNITED STATES, THE WORLD IN GENERAL, AND THE UNIVERSE.
READY FOR MY KISS.
ARE YOU CRAZY? YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD KISS YOU? I JUST LOVE TORTURING YOU.
WELL, IN THAT CASE, HAPPY NEW YEAR.
WHOA! MOMMY! WHOA, STEPHANIE.
WHERE'D YOU LEARN THAT? OH.
OK, YOU TWO, WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHAKE HANDS AND SAY GOOD NIGHT? MICHELLE, THAT'S IT.
TIME FOR BED, HONEY.
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE PARTY? I'M SORRY, HONEY.
NEW YEAR'S IS OVER.
WHERE'S THE CAKE? WHERE'S THE PRESENTS? SWEETHEART, THERE ARE NO CAKE OR PRESENTS ON NEW YEAR'S.
I STAYED UP ALL NIGHT TO KISS A DOG? THIS IS NUTS.
YEAH, BUT TOMORROW'S NEW YEAR'S DAY.
WE GET TO WATCH DON'T WAKE ME UP.
I'LL SEE YOU ON MY BIRTHDAY.
YOU KNOW, SO FAR, YEAR OF MY LIFE.
I KNOW.
I NEVER WANT THIS NIGHT TO END.
ME NEITHER.
WE GOT TO KEEP THE MAGIC GOING.
ANY IDEAS? YEAH, I GOT ONE.
LET'S GET MARRIED.
"LET'S GET MARRIED"? WE'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER ONE NIGHT, YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED? YEAH.
WHY NOT? OK, I'M IN.
LET'S DO IT.
REALLY? YES.
THIS IS CRAZY.
WE'LL DRIVE TO TAHOE TONIGHT.
THAT'S EVEN CRAZIER.
I'LL GO HOME AND PACK.
CRAZY! CRAZY! CHRISTINE.
YES? I REALLY LIKE YOU.
I REALLY LIKE YOU, TOO.
I'LL BE BACK.
YOU'LL BE BACK.
DID YOU HAVE A GOOD NEW YEAR'S, HONEY? IT WAS GREAT, SWEETHEART.
NOT YOU.
GREAT NEWS, YOU GUYS.
CHRISTINE AND I ARE GOING TO TAHOE TONIGHT, AND WE'RE GETTING MARRIED! HELLO.
I SAID I'M MARRYING CHRISTINE.
IS THIS THING ON? MIKE TEST.
1, 2.
JOEY, I'M ABOUT TO DO THIS TO YOU BECAUSE I LOVE YOU LIKE A BROTHER.
ARE YOU CRAZY? GET A GRIP! SNAP OUT OF IT! HEY, I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.
JOEY, NO, YOU DON'T.
LOOK, I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN A TAD LONELY LATELY, BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO MARRY THE FIRST WOMAN THAT WALKS BY IN A PARTY HAT.
YEAH, BUT I REALLY LIKE HER.
HERE, LET ME TALK TO HIM.
JOEY, MARRIAGE IS A COMMITMENT YOU GOT TO MAKE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
THERE'S NO ESCAPE.
I MEAN, YOU'RE GONNA BE LOOKING AT THE SAME WOMAN'S FACE DAY AFTER DAY, WHICH COULD BE A BEAUTIFUL THING.
I THOUGHT YOU AND DANNY SET THIS WHOLE THING UP SO I COULD MEET THE GIRL OF MY DREAMS.
YEAH, THAT'S TRUE, BUT GET TO KNOW HER, JOEY.
TAKE HER OUT IN PUBLIC.
SEE WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE IN DAYLIGHT.
I DON'T GET IT.
WHY AREN'T YOU GUYS HAPPY FOR ME? WE ARE HAPPY FOR YOU.
WE'RE JUST A LITTLE SHOCKED AND OVERWHELMED AND DISTRAUGHT, BUT IN A HAPPY WAY.
JOEY, IF YOU WANT TO DO IT, I SAY GO FOR IT.
WELL, THEN I'M GOING.
WELL, THEN CONGRATULATIONS.
YEAH.
YOU'RE REALLY-- YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED TO, UH, CHRISTINE, ISN'T IT? I ALWAYS KNEW YOU TWO WERE MEANT FOR EACH OTHER.
I'M GETTING MARRIED.
YEAH.
YEAH.
I'M GETTING MARRIED.
I'M GETTING MARRIED? WHAT THE HECK DO I KNOW ABOUT THIS GIRL? [KNOCK ON DOOR.]
JOEY? WELL, I KNOW SHE'S A FAST PACKER.
CHRISTINE, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.
I NEED TO TALK TO YOU, TOO.
LET ME GO FIRST.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE EXCITED TO MEET SOMEONE.
I FEEL THE SAME WAY.
THAT'S GREAT.
I JUST THINK WE SHOULD POSTPONE THE WEDDING UNTIL WE KNOW EACH OTHER A LITTLE BETTER.
AT LEAST TILL AFTER OUR SECOND DATE.
JOEY, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I CAME BACK HERE TO TELL YOU.
OH, GOOD.
BOY, I REALLY DID GET CARRIED AWAY THERE.
I THINK IT'S BECAUSE I'VE NEVER HAD SO MUCH FUN ON A DATE BEFORE.
ME, NEITHER.
SO WHAT'LL WE DO TOMORROW? LET'S ROLLERBLADE.
I WAS GONNA SAY THAT.
GET OUT OF HERE.
GET OUT OF HERE.
WE ARE GOING TO HAVE SO MUCH FUN.
I WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU, STARTING WITH, UH WHAT'S YOUR LAST NAME? McCALL.
McCALL? McCALL.
* AHH, AHH, AHH, AHH * CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL * AHH, AHH, AHH, AHH * * DO BE DO BA BA DA **
J.
! HEY, MICHELLE.
WHAT DO YOU HAVE THERE? A HAIRY WORM.
WELL, I THINK THAT HAIRY WORM IS CALLED A CATERPILLAR.
MR.
CATERPILLAR IS AN UGLY BUG.
WELL, PRETTY SOON HE'S GOING TO TURN INTO A BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY.
NO WAY, JOSE.
IT'S TRUE, MAGOO.
IT'S LIKE IN THE FAIRY TALES.
THE PRINCESS KISSES THE UGLY FROG, AND HE TURNS INTO A HANDSOME PRINCE.
GET IT? GOT IT, DUDE.
YOU'RE GOING TO STAY A CATERPILLAR BECAUSE I'M NOT KISSING YOU.
* AHH, AHH, AHH, AHH * * AHH * * WHATEVER HAPPENED TO PREDICTABILITY * * THE MILKMAN, THE PAPERBOY * * EVENIN' TV * * HOW DID I GET DELIVERED HERE * * SOMEBODY TELL ME, PLEASE * * THIS OLD WORLD'S * * CONFUSIN' ME * * CLOUDS AS MEAN AS YOU'VE EVER SEEN * * AIN'T A BIRD WHO KNOWS YOUR TUNE * * THEN A LITTLE VOICE INSIDE YOU WHISPERS * * KID, DON'T SELL YOUR DREAMS SO SOON * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * THERE'S A HEART * * A HAND TO HOLD ONTO * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * THERE'S A FACE OF SOMEBODY WHO NEEDS YOU * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * WHEN YOU'RE LOST OUT THERE * * AND YOU'RE ALL ALONE * * A LIGHT IS WAITIN' * * TO CARRY YOU HOME * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * DO BE DO BA BA DA ** CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.
HI, MELINDA.
IT'S JOEY.
JOEY GLADSTONE.
[CHUCKLES.]
YEAH, WE WENT OUT ABOUT 10 MONTHS AGO.
YEAH.
MAYBE THIS WILL HELP YOU.
[IMITATES POPEYE.]
HY-GA-GA-GA-WHOA! YEAH.
YEAH.
SO HOW THE HECK ARE YOU? MARRIED.
WELL, THEN YOU PROBABLY HAVE A DATE FOR NEW YEAR'S EVE.
BYE.
[IMITATES POPEYE.]
OH, BOY.
I COULD'VE THROWN THAT ONE OVERBOARD.
HEY! HEY, YOU GUYS.
HOW WAS THE BIG DOUBLE DATE? OH, IT WAS GREAT.
WE ENDED UP AT HAPPY MOUNTAIN AMUSEMENT PARK.
YEAH, IT WAS SO ROMANTIC.
WE WENT TO THE "TEST YOUR STRENGTH" BOOTH, AND WITH ONE SWING OF THE HAMMER JESSE RANG THE BELL AND WON ME THIS CUTE TEDDY GORILLA.
AND THEN CINDY STEPPED UP AND WON THIS FOR ME.
MY HERO.
SO, JOE, ARE WE GONNA TRIPLE DATE ON NEW YEAR'S EVE, HUH? DID YOU FIND THE LUCKY GIRL YET? NOT YET, BUT I STILL GOT "T" THROUGH "Z.
" WELL, YOU CAN'T MISS THE BIG PARTY DOWN AT THE STATION.
WHY, IS DANNY GOING TO BE BABY NEW YEAR AGAIN? NOT AFTER THAT WICKED DIAPER RASH I GOT LAST YEAR.
QUIT YAKKING.
HIT THE PHONES.
COME ON, WE NEED YOU TO GO TO THE PARTY.
IT'S NO PARTY WITHOUT YOU.
LET'S GO.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
IT'S RINGING.
HI.
IS MARY TRABULOUS THERE? OH, NOW IT'S SISTER MARY? OH, WELL.
YOU GOT A DATE FOR NEW YEAR'S EVE? HANG ON.
YOU GUYS WANT TO SKIP THE PARTY AND GO TO MASS? D.
J.
: GO AHEAD, COMET.
GIVE IT A TRY.
YEAH! HOW DOES HE DO THAT? I DON'T KNOW.
LET'S TRY IT.
GREAT.
I'M JUST IN TIME FOR STUPID TANNER TRICKS.
KIMMY, HERE'S A GOOD NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION FOR YOU.
MOVE TO COSTA RICA.
JUST OR THAT, YOU'RE NOT INVITED TO MY NEW YEAR'S EVE PARTY.
WHOA, KIMMY.
YOUR PARENTS ARE GONNA LET YOU HAVE THAT PARTY? YEP.
THEY SAID I COULD HAVE IT AS LONG AS IT WAS LIMITED TO A SMALL INTIMATE GATHERING OF MY CLOSEST PERSONAL FRIENDS, WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT I PUT ON THE FLYERS.
SEE YOU THERE.
"CUTE BOYS ADMITTED FREE.
" GOOD IDEA.
NOT SO FAST, PARTY GIRL.
DID WE FORGET WHO'S SPENDING NEW YEAR'S EVE BABYSITTING ME AND MICHELLE? NO.
YES.
NO.
SHE SAID YES.
WHO NEEDS A PARTY FULL OF CUTE BOYS WHEN YOU CAN RING IN THE NEW YEAR WITH YOUR SWEET, ADORABLE SISTERS? DAD! DAD! DAD! HI.
THIS IS JOEY GLADSTONE.
IS BARBARA ZOREK THERE? OH, HI, MRS.
ZOREK.
BARBARA MOVED TO ALASKA? WELL, UH, MRS.
ZOREK IT'S ESTELLE, RIGHT? YEAH.
ARE YOU BUSY NEW YEAR'S EVE? OH, WELL.
MAYBE NEXT YEAR.
YEAH.
GOOD-BYE.
DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! YEAH.
YEAH, WHAT'S THE MATTER? KIMMY'S HAVING A BIG NEW YEAR'S EVE PARTY, AND I KNOW I PROMISED TO BABY-SIT MICHELLE AND STEPHANIE, BUT JUST FOR ONE NIGHT, CAN'T WE PUT THEM IN A KENNEL OR SOMETHING? THAT IS A TERRIBLE THING TO SAY ABOUT YOUR SISTERS.
BESIDES, KENNELS ARE VERY EXPENSIVE.
DON'T WORRY, DEEJ.
I HAVE NO LIFE.
I'LL BABY-SIT YOUR SISTERS.
OH, JOEY, I LOVE YOU! THANK YOU FOR HAVING NO LIFE.
HEY, MY PLEASURE.
HEY, JOE, DID YOU GET A DATE YET? YEP.
I GOT TWO OF 'EM.
GIRLS, WE ARE GOING TO HAVE ONE HAPPY NEW YEAR'S EVE.
ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! WHAT IS NEW YEAR'S EVE? NEW YEAR'S EVE IS THE FUNNEST PARTY OF THE YEAR.
YOU GET TO STAY UP LATE AND SCREAM, "HAPPY NEW YEAR!" HAPPY NEW YEAR! HAPPY NEW YEAR! HAPPY NEW YEAR! MICHELLE, IT'S NOT NEW YEAR'S EVE YET.
I KNOW THAT, SILLY, BUT I'M JUST PRACTICING.
HAPPY NEW YEAR! HAPPY NEW YEAR! HAPPY NEW YEAR! JOEY, I HATE IT THAT YOU'RE NOT GOING TO THIS PARTY WITH US.
WHAT'S THE POINT? THE CLOCK WILL STRIKE MIDNIGHT, YOU'LL KISS YOUR GIRLFRIEND, YOU'LL KISS YOUR FIANCEE, AND I'LL GO INTO THIS PATHETIC BIT.
I THINK I DATED HER ONCE.
JOEY, YOU'RE JUST IN A LITTLE SLUMP.
THINGS WILL TURN AROUND.
YEAH, BUT WHEN? ALL I WANT TO DO IS MARRY THE GIRL OF MY DREAMS, HAVE A COUPLE OF KIDS OF MY OWN, AND ALWAYS KNOW THAT I HAVE A DATE EVERY NEW YEAR'S EVE.
DANIEL, WE GOT TO GET THAT BOY A WOMAN.
JESSE, JOEY IS NEVER GOING TO AGREE TO MAKE A TAPE FOR A VIDEO DATING SERVICE.
THAT'S WHY WE DON'T TELL HIM, SEE? I GOT A PLAN.
WHAT WE DO IS SECRETLY HIDE THE CAMERA LIKE SO, GET HIM UP HERE, PUT HIM IN THAT CHAIR, AND MAKE HIM STAY THERE.
YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT ALL THIS UNDERHANDED TRICKERY? YES.
JUST CHECKING.
HERE WE GO.
JOEY, GET UP HERE IN THE ATTIC.
JESSE AND I NEED TO TALK TO YOU, AND IT'S AN EMERGENCY.
WHAT KIND OF EMERGENCY? NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! JUST GET UP HERE! ALL RIGHT, THE CHAIR'S SET.
ALL RIGHT.
TAPE'S ROLLING.
AND ACTION.
HI.
I'M DANNY TANNER.
AND I'M JESSE KATSOPOLIS.
LADIES, YOU HAVE SEEN THE REST, AND NOW YOU'RE GOING TO MEET THE BEST-- JOEY GLADSTONE.
RIGHT, NOW, JOEY WOULD NEVER JOIN ONE OF THESE VIDEO DATING SERVICES BECAUSE HE WOULDN'T WANT TO LOOK DESPERATE.
NOT THAT YOU GIRLS LOOK DESPERATE.
I'M SURE YOU JOINED UP FOR OTHER REASONS, NONE OF THEM HAVING TO DO ANYTHING WITH DESPERATION.
CAN YOU HELP ME OUT HERE PLEASE? YOU BET I CAN.
WHO IS JOEY GLADSTONE? WELL, IF I WAS A WOMAN-- THAT'S A BIG IF, BY THE WAY-- I'D SAY THAT JOEY IS A MAJOR HUNK OF BEEF.
GUYS, ARE YOU UP THERE? ALL RIGHT.
HERE HE COMES.
REMEMBER, HE DOESN'T KNOW WE'RE TAPING THIS, SO YOU'RE GONNA SEE THE REAL JOSEPH GLADSTONE.
YOU GUYS OK? ARE WE OK? ISN'T THAT JUST LIKE JOEY GLADSTONE TO THINK OF OTHER PEOPLE FIRST? SO WHAT'S THE BIG EMERGENCY? UH, WE GOT A NEW CHAIR.
WE HAVE A NEW CHAIR, AND WE NEED YOU TO TEST IT OUT FOR US.
HERE, SIT DOWN THERE.
THERE WE GO.
YOU DRAGGED ME OUT OF THE SHOWER FOR THIS? JOEY, I DON'T MAKE A MOVE WITHOUT YOU.
I MEAN, AFTER ALL, YOU DO OWN HALF THIS PRODUCTION COMPANY.
YOU'RE A VERY SUCCESSFUL STAND-UP COMIC, YOU ENJOY HOCKEY, THE THREE STOOGES, AND LONG WALKS ALONG THE BEACH.
AND UNDERNEATH ALL THIS SHAVING CREAM IS A HANDSOME AND MANLY FACE.
YES, WITH SOME VERY NICE HAIR, I MIGHT ADD.
DANNY, I CAN SHAVE MYSELF.
HE CAN SHAVE HIMSELF.
IS THERE NO LIMIT TO THIS MAN'S TALENTS? WHY DO YOU GUYS KEEP TALKING TO THAT EASEL? TALKING TO AN EASEL.
AND WHAT A SENSE OF HUMOR.
AND HEY DOESN'T HE CLEAN UP NICE? YOU GUYS ARE REALLY SCARING ME, SO I'M JUST GOING TO LEAVE NOW.
IF YOU TRY AND CHASE ME, I'M GOING TO SCREAM LIKE A GIRL.
OH, HO, HO.
ISN'T HE SPECIAL? JOEY GLADSTONE.
CALL NOW.
OPERATORS ARE STANDING BY.
JOE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? MAKING CONFETTI FOR MY BIG NEW YEAR'S EVE PARTY WITH STEPHANIE AND MICHELLE.
IT IS GOING TO BE WILD.
[HUMMING AULD LANG SYNE.]
[MAKES PARTY FAVOR NOISE.]
JOEY, REMEMBER THE OTHER DAY WHEN WE HAD YOU TEST THAT NEW CHAIR? YOU'RE NOT GOING TO SHAVE ME AGAIN, ARE YOU? AH, WE DID A GREAT THING.
SEE, WE SECRETLY PUT YOU ON TAPE, AND WE ENROLLED YOU IN A VIDEO DATING SERVICE.
HOW DARE YOU SUBJECT ME TO THAT KIND OF PUBLIC HUMILIATION WITHOUT MY PERSONAL CONSENT.
I HAVE A TAPE HERE FULL OF WOMEN WHO WANT TO MEET YOU.
GOD BLESS YOU FELLAS.
ROLL THAT TAPE.
I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOUR DATES RIGHT HERE ON THE LOVE CONNECTION.
ALL RIGHT.
HERE WE GO.
HI.
I'M DARLENE.
I'M SINGLE, A NONSMOKER.
I LOVE WATERSPORTS.
I'M 2,420 YEARS OLD AND HAIL FROM THE PLANET ZORON.
UH, LET'S MOVE AHEAD AND SEE IF ANY EARTHLINGS LIKED MY TAPE.
HI.
I'M GINGER.
MY PAROLE OFFICER SAYS I NEED TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS.
THIS GIRL DOESN'T KNOW WHERE I LIVE, DOES SHE? LOOK, I APPRECIATE WHAT YOU GUYS ARE TRYING TO DO FOR ME, BUT THIS IS ALL JUST A BIG WASTE OF TIME.
HI.
I'M CHRISTINE.
MY FRIENDS SIGNED ME UP FOR THIS FOR CHRISTMAS.
I REALLY WANTED AN ELECTRIC FOOT MASSAGER, BUT MAYBE I'LL FIND SOMEBODY NICE WHO'LL RUB MY FEET.
IF NOT, I'LL FIND SOME USE FOR THIS TAPE.
HAPPY NEW YEAR, MOM.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH HER? NOTHING.
SHE'S GREAT.
I'M CALLING HER.
JOEY! JOEY! JOEY! JOEY! JOEY! JOEY! JOEY! JOEY! JOEY! JOEY! HELLO.
CHRISTINE? JOEY GLADSTONE.
YEAH, THE CHAIR TESTER.
HEY, LISTEN, I KNOW IT'S NEW YEAR'S EVE, BUT YOU'RE NOT BUSY? THAT'S GREAT! WAIT.
WAIT.
I'M BUSY.
I COULD MAKE US DINNER.
WE COULD HANG OUT HERE.
GREAT! OKAY, I'LL CALL YOU BACK WITH ALL THE DETAILS.
BYE, CHRISTINE.
ALL RIGHT, JOSEPH! YOU GOT YOURSELF A DATE FOR NEW YEAR'S EVE.
THIS IS NOT JUST A DATE.
MY SEARCH IS OVER.
I HAVE FINALLY FOUND THE GIRL OF MY DREAMS.
HUH? DON'T WE MAKE A GREAT COUPLE? YOU GUYS, I THINK I'M IN LOVE.
I'M GOING TO KIMMY'S PARTY, DAD.
SEE YOU NEXT YEAR.
HAPPY NEW YEAR, HONEY.
NOW, DON'T FORGET YOUR CURFEW IS 11:30.
DAD, IT'S NEW YEAR'S EVE.
SORRY.
12:05.
DAD, DON'T BE SUCH A DAD.
IT'S GOING TO BE A QUIET LITTLE PARTY AT KIMMY'S.
YEAH, RIGHT.
THAT'S WHY I FOUND THIS FLYER ON MY WINDSHIELD AT THE MARKET.
OH, LET'S COMPROMISE.
I'LL BE HOME AT 4:00 IN THE MORNING? DEAL.
BYE.
BYE.
HAVE A GOOD TIME, HONEY.
SEE YOU LATER.
NOW, RUSTY, REMEMBER, YOU'RE GOING TO BE ON YOUR BEST BEHAVIOR.
NO WATER BALLOONS, NO FOOD FIGHTS, AND NO INDOOR CAMPFIRES.
THEN WHAT'S THE FUN OF STAYING HERE? HEY, CAN'T I COME WITH YOU GUYS TO THE PARTY? AW, RUSTY, NOT IN A MILLION YEARS.
COME ON, LET ME GET YOUR WRAP.
HAPPY NEW YEAR! HAPPY NEW YEAR! MICHELLE, I KEEP TELLING YOU, WAIT UNTIL 12:00.
GIVE ME A BREAK.
I CAN'T TELL TIME.
HEY, STEPH, GUESS WHAT HAPPENS AT MIDNIGHT.
YOU GET A NEW YEAR'S KISS.
EWW, GROSS.
I'D RATHER KISS A FROG.
RIBBIT.
RIBBIT.
RIBBIT.
RIBBIT.
RIBBIT.
HAPPY NEW YEAR! HAPPY NEW YEAR! HAPPY NEW YEAR! IT'S NOT YET.
IT'S NOT YET.
HI, GUYS.
HEY.
HOPE I DIDN'T HOLD YOU UP.
JUST WANTED TO GET THE PERFECT DINNER FOR MY PERFECT GIRL-- CHRISTINE I DON'T KNOW HER LAST NAME YET.
JOEY, LISTEN.
I'M GLAD THAT YOU'RE EXCITED ABOUT YOUR DATE, BUT I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE DISAPPOINTED IF THERE'S NOT BELLS GOING OFF AND FIREWORKS.
I MEAN, THE ODDS OF LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT ARE PRETTY SLIM, PAL.
JOEY? CHRISTINE? HI.
HI.
THEN AGAIN, WHAT THE HELL DO I KNOW? LAST WEEK, WHEN I WAS ROLLERBLADING-- WAIT A SEC.
YOU ROLLERBLADE? OH, I LOVE IT.
I LOVE IT! GET OUT OF HERE! GET OUT OF HERE! DO YOU REMEMBER THE OLD BULLWINKLE SHOW? NOT ROCKY AND FRIENDS, BUT THE REAL BULLWINKLE SHOW? YEAH, YEAH.
[IMITATES ROCKY.]
AND NOW FOR SOMETHING WE HOPE YOU REALLY LIKE.
[IMITATES BULLWINKLE.]
NOTHING UP MY SLEEVE.
PRESTO! THIS IS SO AMAZING.
TWO TOTAL STRANGERS, FORCED TO JOIN A VIDEO DATING SERVICE AGAINST THEIR WILL, DISCOVER THAT THEY SHARE THE EXACT SAME INTERESTS.
I'LL BET YOU DO STAND-UP COMEDY, DON'T YOU? ACTUALLY, I'M A VETERINARIAN AT THE ZOO.
SO AM I! NO, YOU'RE NOT! I KNOW.
WE WERE JUST ON SUCH A ROLL THERE, I KIND OF HATED TO SEE IT END.
[IMITATES BULLWINKLE.]
THAT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL.
I MEAN, THAT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL.
ONLY THREE MORE MINUTES TO GO, YOU GUYS.
OH, MICHELLE, ARE YOU SLEEPING? HUH? HAPPY NEW YEAR.
HAPPY NEW YEAR.
NO.
IT'S STILL NOT TIME YET.
THIS IS TAKING FOREVER.
HI, EVERYONE.
YOU ALL KNOW RICKY.
DEEJ, WHAT HAPPENED WITH YOUR PARTY? WELL, KIMMY'S DAD FREAKED OUT AND SENT EVERYONE HOME.
YEAH, JUST 'CAUSE A FEW EXTRA GUESTS SHOWED UP.
HOW MANY EXTRA GUESTS? THE POLICE ESTIMATED 400.
THE GIBBLERS ARE VERY HAPPY.
YAH-HEY, EVERYBODY! YAH-HEY! YAH-HEY! WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON OUT THERE? I ESTIMATE THERE'S GOOD ESTIMATE.
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE? WE WANTED TO RING IN THE NEW YEAR WITH OUR FAMILY, YOU KNOW, PEOPLE WE REALLY LOVE.
LIKE OUR PAPERBOY.
HI, RICKY.
HEY, DUDE.
I'M WEARING THE HAT.
WHERE'S THE PARTY? IT'S ALMOST TIME.
EVERYBODY GET YOUR CONFETTI AND NOISEMAKERS READY.
AND YOUR LIPS.
WELL, I JUST CALLED THE PHONE LADY AND SYNCHRONIZED MY WATCH.
THERE'S PRECISELY HAPPY NEW YEAR! HAPPY NEW YEAR! HAPPY NEW YEAR! WELCOME TO A BRAND-NEW YEAR.
HAPPY NEW YEAR, SAN FRANCISCO, THE UNITED STATES, THE WORLD IN GENERAL, AND THE UNIVERSE.
READY FOR MY KISS.
ARE YOU CRAZY? YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD KISS YOU? I JUST LOVE TORTURING YOU.
WELL, IN THAT CASE, HAPPY NEW YEAR.
WHOA! MOMMY! WHOA, STEPHANIE.
WHERE'D YOU LEARN THAT? OH.
OK, YOU TWO, WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHAKE HANDS AND SAY GOOD NIGHT? MICHELLE, THAT'S IT.
TIME FOR BED, HONEY.
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE PARTY? I'M SORRY, HONEY.
NEW YEAR'S IS OVER.
WHERE'S THE CAKE? WHERE'S THE PRESENTS? SWEETHEART, THERE ARE NO CAKE OR PRESENTS ON NEW YEAR'S.
I STAYED UP ALL NIGHT TO KISS A DOG? THIS IS NUTS.
YEAH, BUT TOMORROW'S NEW YEAR'S DAY.
WE GET TO WATCH DON'T WAKE ME UP.
I'LL SEE YOU ON MY BIRTHDAY.
YOU KNOW, SO FAR, YEAR OF MY LIFE.
I KNOW.
I NEVER WANT THIS NIGHT TO END.
ME NEITHER.
WE GOT TO KEEP THE MAGIC GOING.
ANY IDEAS? YEAH, I GOT ONE.
LET'S GET MARRIED.
"LET'S GET MARRIED"? WE'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER ONE NIGHT, YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED? YEAH.
WHY NOT? OK, I'M IN.
LET'S DO IT.
REALLY? YES.
THIS IS CRAZY.
WE'LL DRIVE TO TAHOE TONIGHT.
THAT'S EVEN CRAZIER.
I'LL GO HOME AND PACK.
CRAZY! CRAZY! CHRISTINE.
YES? I REALLY LIKE YOU.
I REALLY LIKE YOU, TOO.
I'LL BE BACK.
YOU'LL BE BACK.
DID YOU HAVE A GOOD NEW YEAR'S, HONEY? IT WAS GREAT, SWEETHEART.
NOT YOU.
GREAT NEWS, YOU GUYS.
CHRISTINE AND I ARE GOING TO TAHOE TONIGHT, AND WE'RE GETTING MARRIED! HELLO.
I SAID I'M MARRYING CHRISTINE.
IS THIS THING ON? MIKE TEST.
1, 2.
JOEY, I'M ABOUT TO DO THIS TO YOU BECAUSE I LOVE YOU LIKE A BROTHER.
ARE YOU CRAZY? GET A GRIP! SNAP OUT OF IT! HEY, I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.
JOEY, NO, YOU DON'T.
LOOK, I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN A TAD LONELY LATELY, BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO MARRY THE FIRST WOMAN THAT WALKS BY IN A PARTY HAT.
YEAH, BUT I REALLY LIKE HER.
HERE, LET ME TALK TO HIM.
JOEY, MARRIAGE IS A COMMITMENT YOU GOT TO MAKE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
THERE'S NO ESCAPE.
I MEAN, YOU'RE GONNA BE LOOKING AT THE SAME WOMAN'S FACE DAY AFTER DAY, WHICH COULD BE A BEAUTIFUL THING.
I THOUGHT YOU AND DANNY SET THIS WHOLE THING UP SO I COULD MEET THE GIRL OF MY DREAMS.
YEAH, THAT'S TRUE, BUT GET TO KNOW HER, JOEY.
TAKE HER OUT IN PUBLIC.
SEE WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE IN DAYLIGHT.
I DON'T GET IT.
WHY AREN'T YOU GUYS HAPPY FOR ME? WE ARE HAPPY FOR YOU.
WE'RE JUST A LITTLE SHOCKED AND OVERWHELMED AND DISTRAUGHT, BUT IN A HAPPY WAY.
JOEY, IF YOU WANT TO DO IT, I SAY GO FOR IT.
WELL, THEN I'M GOING.
WELL, THEN CONGRATULATIONS.
YEAH.
YOU'RE REALLY-- YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED TO, UH, CHRISTINE, ISN'T IT? I ALWAYS KNEW YOU TWO WERE MEANT FOR EACH OTHER.
I'M GETTING MARRIED.
YEAH.
YEAH.
I'M GETTING MARRIED.
I'M GETTING MARRIED? WHAT THE HECK DO I KNOW ABOUT THIS GIRL? [KNOCK ON DOOR.]
JOEY? WELL, I KNOW SHE'S A FAST PACKER.
CHRISTINE, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.
I NEED TO TALK TO YOU, TOO.
LET ME GO FIRST.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE EXCITED TO MEET SOMEONE.
I FEEL THE SAME WAY.
THAT'S GREAT.
I JUST THINK WE SHOULD POSTPONE THE WEDDING UNTIL WE KNOW EACH OTHER A LITTLE BETTER.
AT LEAST TILL AFTER OUR SECOND DATE.
JOEY, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I CAME BACK HERE TO TELL YOU.
OH, GOOD.
BOY, I REALLY DID GET CARRIED AWAY THERE.
I THINK IT'S BECAUSE I'VE NEVER HAD SO MUCH FUN ON A DATE BEFORE.
ME, NEITHER.
SO WHAT'LL WE DO TOMORROW? LET'S ROLLERBLADE.
I WAS GONNA SAY THAT.
GET OUT OF HERE.
GET OUT OF HERE.
WE ARE GOING TO HAVE SO MUCH FUN.
I WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU, STARTING WITH, UH WHAT'S YOUR LAST NAME? McCALL.
McCALL? McCALL.
* AHH, AHH, AHH, AHH * CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL * AHH, AHH, AHH, AHH * * DO BE DO BA BA DA **