Full House s04e19 Episode Script

The Wedding (2)

LAST WEEK, EVERYTHING WENT BANANAS.
"DEAR FAMILY, YOU MUST BE WONDERING WHERE I WENT.
"I KIDNAPPED JOEY, BUT WE'LL BE BACK FOR THE WEDDING.
"THERE WAS ONE LAST THING I HAD TO DO BEFORE I GOT MARRIED.
" HAVE MERCY! YOU TOOK HIM SKYDIVING? WELL, THEN, WHERE IS HE? WHAT IF SOMETHING HAPPENED TO HIM? HELP! WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT? EVEN I DON'T KNOW.
* AHH * * AHH * * WHATEVER HAPPENED TO PREDICTABILITY * * THE MILKMAN, THE PAPER BOY * * EVENIN' TV * * HOW DID I GET DELIVERED HERE * * SOMEBODY TELL ME, PLEASE * * THIS OLD WORLD'S * * CONFUSIN' ME * * CLOUDS AS MEAN AS YOU'VE EVER SEEN * * AIN'T A BIRD WHO KNOWS YOUR TUNE * * THEN A LITTLE VOICE INSIDE YOU WHISPERS * * KID, DON'T SELL YOUR DREAMS SO SOON * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * THERE'S A HEART * * A HAND TO HOLD ON TO * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * THERE'S A FACE * * OF SOMEBODY WHO NEEDS YOU * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * WHEN YOU'RE LOST OUT THERE * * AND YOU'RE ALL ALONE * * A LIGHT IS WAITIN' * * TO CARRY YOU HOME * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK * * DO BE DO BA BA DA ** CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.
HEY! HELP! HELP ME! HEY, YOU! WITH THE TOMATO TRUCK! STOP! I'M UP IN THE TREE! UP HERE! HEY, WHAT YOU DOING UP THERE, FELLA? OH, JUST ENJOYING THE VIEW! WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M DOING? COULD YOU HELP ME DOWN, PLEASE! WELL, YEAH.
SURE.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
I'LL GO GET OLD MAN HUDSON'S CHERRY PICKER.
ALL RIGHT, WELL, HURRY UP.
I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE AT MY WEDDING 10 MINUTES AGO.
THANKS.
WELL, I IMAGINE WE'LL HAVE YOU DOWN IN 2, 3 HOURS, TOPS.
NOW, DON'T YOU GO ANYWHERE.
WHAT? I CAN'T WAIT THAT LONG.
MERCY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? THOSE ARE MY PRIZE TOMATOES YOU JUST SQUASHED.
WELL, THEY'RE NOT TOMATOES ANYMORE.
THEY'RE KETCHUP.
I JUST CUT OUT THE MIDDLEMAN.
ALL RIGHT, IS THAT IS THAT SOME SORT OF TOMATO JOKE? YOU BETTER WATCH YOUR MOUTH, BOY.
THIS HERE'S TOMATO COUNTRY.
LOOK.
LOOK.
LOOK.
I HAVE NOTHING BUT THE HIGHEST REGARD FOR TOMATOES, AND THE MEN AND WOMEN THAT DO GROW THEM, BUT I NEED A RIDE TO SAN FRANCISCO RIGHT NOW.
I DON'T GIVE RIDES TO TOMATO SQUASHERS.
THIS IS MY LIFE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT, OK? NOT SOME DUMB VEGETABLE.
IT'S A FRUIT.
FRUIT, VEGETABLE.
LOOK, THE POINT IS-- I LIKE YOU, RED, AND I LIKE TOMATOES A LOT.
BELIEVE ME.
AND I LIKE YOUR RED HAIR, AND YOU KNOW WHAT? I LIKE YOUR TRUCK.
I'M GOING TO BORROW IT.
HEY! I'LL GET IT RIGHT BACK TO YOU.
HEY! YOU GET BACK HERE! OPEN THAT DOOR! HEY! HEY! HOLD IT! COUSIN HAROLD! COUSIN HAROLD, THAT BOY JUST SMASHED EVERY ONE OF MY TOMATOES.
SMASHED YOUR TOMATOES? HE'S TRESPASSING ON MY PROPERTY, AND NOW HE'S TRYING TO STEAL MY TRUCK.
GET OUT OF THAT TRUCK WITH YOUR HANDS UP! NOW! HA HA.
HI, GUYS.
LISTEN.
YOU GUYS ARE MAKING A BIG MISTAKE HERE.
LOOK, I'M JUST LATE FOR MY WEDDING.
SEE, LOOK AT THIS.
I GOT MY TUXEDO ON AND EVERYTHING, SEE? WELL, HERE'S A BRACELET TO GO WITH IT.
WAIT A MINUTE, GUYS.
GUYS, YOU'RE MAKING A BIG MISTAKE HERE.
NOPE.
YOU MADE THE MISTAKE.
DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOU LANDED? TOMATO COUNTRY? THE MAKING OF A WEDDING-- THE SAGA CONTINUES.
THE GROOM IS NOW HERE'S THE MAN WHO LET HIM JUMP OUT OF A PLANE ON HIS WEDDING DAY.
JOEY GLADSTONE.
JOEY, HOW DO YOU FEEL RIGHT NOW? SAD.
HURT.
ANGRY, BITTER, SCARED, USED.
AND I'M PRETTY HUNGRY.
I FORGOT TO EAT BREAKFAST.
POOR JOEY.
BREAKFAST IS THE MOST IMPORTANT MEAL OF THE DAY.
AND HERE'S BECKY WITH HER LOVING FAMILY.
ANY WORDS FOR UNCLE JESSE? DARLING, I JUST HOPE YOU'RE ALL RIGHT.
BUT IF YOU ARE ALL RIGHT, I'LL KILL YOU.
DADDY, WHERE'S UNCLE JESSE? HOLD ON, PLEASE.
HONEY, I'M TRYING TO FIND OUT.
WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO FIND OUT? WHEN I FIND OUT, HOWIE.
DID YOU FIND OUT YET? KIDS, IF YOU DON'T STOP THIS, I'M GONNA TURN THIS WEDDING AROUND AND DRIVE RIGHT HOME.
DADDY, YOU NEED A NAP.
YEAH.
PLEASE CALL ME IF YOU HEAR ANYTHING.
YES, SIR.
AND I'LL TRY TO SQUEEZE IN THAT NAP.
THANK YOU.
DADDY, IS IT TIME FOR THE WEDDING CAKE? MICHELLE, WE CAN'T HAVE CAKE UNTIL WE HAVE A PARTY.
AND WE CAN'T HAVE A PARTY UNTIL WE HAVE A WEDDING.
HOWIE, WILL YOU MARRY ME? WHY? SO WE COULD EAT WEDDING CAKE.
IS IT CHOCOLATE CAKE? WHO CARES? IT'S THIS BIG, AND IT GOTS FROSTING.
[TELEPHONE RINGS] HELLO? IT'S JESSE.
JESSE, TELL ME WHAT'S-- LET ME TALK TO HIM.
ARE YOU OK? HE'S OK.
OH, GOOD.
WHAT? WELL, STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE.
DANNY, JOEY, DON'T LET ANY OF THE GUESTS LEAVE.
I'M COMING BACK, AND WE'RE GONNA HAVE A WEDDING.
DAD, I NEED YOUR CAR KEYS AND YOUR WALLET.
NOW.
BUT, HONEY-- SHE SAID NOW.
YES, DEAR.
BECKY, WHERE ARE YOU GOING? TO TOMATO COUNTRY, TO BAIL MY GROOM OUT OF JAIL.
SHE BETTER HURRY.
SHE'S GOING TO MISS THE WEDDING.
THIS CROWD IS GETTING RESTLESS.
YOU GUYS BETTER LOCK THE EXITS.
JOEY, WE HAVE TO TELL THESE PEOPLE SOMETHING.
WE CAN'T TELL THEM THE TRUTH.
BUT I CAN'T LIE IN CHURCH.
NEITHER CAN I.
WE'LL TAKE THEM OUT TO THE PARKING LOT AND WE'LL LIE TO THEM THERE.
THAT IS A DUMB IDEA.
WHAT'S UP? WHERE'S MY BABY? OH.
UMWELL THE TRUTH IS YOUR SON WOULD EVERYBODY LIKE TO ACCOMPANY ME TO THE PARKING LOT? I KNOW WHY JESSE'S LATE! HE'S IN THE SLAMMER! YOU CAN ALL SIT DOWN NOW.
LOOK, YOU GOTTA LET ME OUTTA HERE, MAN.
I'M GETTING MARRIED RIGHT NOW.
WHY DON'T YOU BELIEVE ME? BECAUSE NOBODY JUMPS OUT OF A PLANE ON THEIR WEDDING DAY.
JESSE.
TOLD YOU.
HI, HONEY.
HELLO, DARLING.
YOU LOOK MAD.
ARE YOU MAD? UH-HUH.
OH, YOU'RE SO CUTE WHEN YOU'RE MAD.
AND RIGHT NOW, YOU'RE ABOUT THE CUTEST I'VE EVER SEEN YOU.
JESS, ARE YOU INSANE? HOW COULD YOU DO THIS ON OUR WEDDING DAY? ACTUALLY, THIS IS REALLY FUNNY.
YOU'RE GONNA LAUGH.
MAYBE YOU WON'T LAUGH.
NO, YOU'RE NOT GONNA LAUGH.
YOU SEE, I HAD THIS LONG TALK WITH YOUR DAD, AND HE TALKED TO ME ABOUT SETTLING DOWN AND BEING RESPONSIBLE, AND I HAD TO GO OUT AND GET THIS ONE LAST ADVENTURE.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "ONE LAST ADVENTURE"? JESS, THE ADVENTURE IS JUST BEGINNING.
FOR BOTH OF US.
SHARING OUR LIVES AND HAVING A FAMILY.
AND, HEY, IF YOU WANNA JUMP OUT OF A PLANE, JUST LET ME KNOW.
I'LL STRAP ON A CHUTE, I'LL BE RIGHT THERE NEXT TO YOU.
THE POINT IS, WHATEVER THE ADVENTURE, LET'S JUST DO IT TOGETHER.
DARLING, YOU'RE THE BEST.
THIS IS BEAUTIFUL.
I'M DROPPING ALL THE CHARGES.
REALLY? YOU'RE GONNA LET ME OUT OF HERE? YEAH, I AM.
IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY.
THERE YOU GO.
JUST CALL ME CUPID.
QUICK, EVERYBODY'S WAITING.
WE CAN STILL MAKE IT.
HEY.
HEY.
HEY.
WAIT A MINUTE.
GOT A LITTLE WEDDING PRESENT FOR YOU.
OH, THANKS, BUT I DON'T REALLY LIKE TOMA-- SHE LOVES TOMATOES.
THEY'RE HER FAVORITE FRUIT.
I THOUGHT THEY WERE A VEGETABLE.
LET'S GO GET MARRIED.
THANK YOU.
NICE KIDS.
HEY! HOLD! WAIT! HOLD UP! MY FATHER'S CAR! WE GOTTA GET TO OUR WEDDING! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! I'M A BRIDE! AND I'M A GROOM! HEY! HEY! HEY! I'M NEVER GONNA CATCH THAT TOW TRUCK IN THESE HEELS.
THERE'S A BUS.
STOP THE BUS! WHOA, STOP! STOP! STOP! ALL RIGHT.
WE'RE IN LUCK.
THANKS.
HI.
HI.
WE NEED A RIDE TO SAN FRANCISCO.
SORRY, WE'RE REALLY NOT GOING THAT WAY.
BUT MY WEDDING! WE'RE LATE.
HE JUMPED OUT OF A PLANE.
JAIL--- MY FATHER'S CAR-- I HATE TOMATOES.
WAIT A MINUTE.
AREN'T YOU ON WAKE UP, SAN FRANCISCO? YES, I AM.
HI, I'M REBECCA DONALDSON, AND THIS IS MY FIANCE JESSE KATSOPOLIS.
HI.
HI.
WELL, HOP ON.
OH, GREAT.
OH, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, WE REALLY APPRECIATE THIS.
HI.
HELLO.
All: HI.
OK, NOW YOU GO OUT TO THE HIGHWAY, YOU TURN LEFT, THEN-- WHY DON'T I JUST DRIVE? HEY.
IT'S YOUR WEDDING DAY.
GREAT.
BECKY, YOU'RE GONNA DRIVE THE BUS? HEY, YOU HAD YOUR ADVENTURE.
NOW I'M GONNA HAVE MINE.
HI, EVERYBODY.
All: HI! HIT IT, DARLING.
* YOU SAY PO-TAY-TO * * YOU SAY PO-TAH-TO * * YOU SAY TO-MAY-TO * * YOU SAY TO-MAH-TO * * PO-TAY-TO * * PO-TAH-TO * * TO-MAY-TO * * TO-MAH-TO * * LET'S CALL THE WHOLE THING OFF ** OK, EVERYBODY.
FIRST THE BRIDE'S SIDE.
* YOU SAY PA-JAH-MAS * * YOU SAY PA-JAM-MAS * * YOU SAY BA-HAH-MAS * * YOU SAY BA-HAM-MAS * [CHOIR SINGS] ALL RIGHT! TOO MUCH! THANK YOU, EVERYBODY! THANK YOU! COME ON, LET'S GO.
THANK YOU! LET'S GO! WHOO! WE CAN STILL MAKE IT! * BA-HAH-MAS * STOP THE MUSIC! STOP THE MUSIC! STOP THE MUSIC! STOP THE MUSIC! UNCLE JESSE IS HERE.
ARE YOU SURE, MICHELLE? I KNOW WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE.
HE'S MY UNCLE.
UNCLE JESSE AND REBECCA ARE BACK.
WE'RE GONNA HAVE THE WEDDING.
ALL RIGHT! THIS IS GREAT! I JUST SAID THAT.
MAYBE WHEN I'M 5, PEOPLE WILL LISTEN.
HI, EVERYONE.
SORRY I'M LATE.
HI.
HI.
SORRY I'M LATE.
I WAS CAUGHT IN A TREE.
ACTUALLY, I WAS CAUGHT IN A TREE.
NICE SUIT.
HI, MOM, DAD.
HONEY! NICE TO SEE YA.
HEY.
HEY, FA--WHOA.
AND HIT IT.
STOP THE WEDDING! MICHELLE, WHAT'S THE MATTER, HONEY? I RAN OUT OF FLOWERS.
I'M SORRY.
UMSWEETHEART.
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT YOU RAN OUT OF FLOWERS.
THE PROBLEM IS THE CHURCH IS MUCH TOO LONG.
WASN'T SHE TERRIFIC, EVERYBODY? I DID THE BEST I COULD.
[THE WEDDING MARCH PLAYS] WHO GIVES THIS WOMAN TO THIS MAN? HER MOTHER AND I DO.
DAD.
LET GO.
SORRY, BABY.
DEARLY BELOVED, WE'VE WAITED A LONG TIME FOR THIS HAPPY OCCASION.
A VERY LONG TIME.
MAY I HAVE THE RINGS, PLEASE? THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
AND THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
AND YOU'RE WELCOME.
JESSE.
PLACE THIS RING ON REBECCA'S FINGER, AND SAY, "WITH THIS RING, I THEE WED.
" WITH THIS RING, I THEE WED.
AND, REBECCA, YOU PLACE THIS RING ON JESSE'S FINGER, AND SAY, "WITH THIS RING, I THEE WED.
" WITH THIS RING, I THEE WED.
AT THIS TIME, JESSE WOULD LIKE TO PLEDGE HIS LOVE FOR REBECCA WITH MUSIC.
* IF EVERY WORD I SAID * * COULD MAKE YOU LAUGH * * I'D TALK FOREVER, MMM * * I'D ASK THE SKY JUST WHAT WE HAD * * MMM, IT SHOWED FOREVER * * IF THE SONG I SING TO YOU * * COULD FILL YOUR HEART WITH JOY * * I'D SING FOREVER * * FOREVER, FOREVER * * I'VE BEEN SO HAPPY LOVING YOU * * HEY, HEY, LET ME SING FOREVER * * I WANNA BE LOVED FOREVER * * HEY, HEY, LET ME SING FOREVER * * I WANNA BE LOVED FOREVER * * OOH, OOH, OOH * * IF EVERY WORD I SAID * * COULD MAKE YOU LAUGH * * I'D TALK FOREVER * * TOGETHER MY LOVE * * OH, FOREVER * * FOREVER * * I'VE BEEN SO HAPPY LOVING YOU * * OOH, OOH * * OOH, OOH, OOH * * LET THE LOVE I HAVE FOR YOU * * LIVE IN YOUR HEART AND BE FOREVER * * FOREVER, FOREVER * * I'LL BE SO HAPPY LOVING YOU * MAY YOUR LIFE BE FILLED WITH HARMONY FOREVER.
REBECCA, DO YOU TAKE THIS MAN TO BE YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED HUSBAND, TO LOVE AND TO CHERISH FOR AS LONG AS YOU BOTH SHALL LIVE? I DO.
JESSE, DO YOU TAKE THIS WOMAN TO BE YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED WIFE, TO LOVE AND TO CHERISH FOR AS LONG AS YOU BOTH SHALL LIVE? I DO.
I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU HUSBAND AND WIFE.
YOU MAY NOW GO ON KISSING THE BRIDE.
I NOW PRESENT MR.
AND MRS.
KATSOPOLIS.
* HALLELUJAH * * HALLELUJAH * * HALLELUJAH, HALLELUJAH * * HALLELUJAH, HALLELUJAH * * HALLE * * LU * * JAH * EXCUSE ME.
EXCUSE ME.
HI, GROOM WAS LATE.
LOST THE HALL.
HAVE A COASTER.
HEY, YOU.
JUST LOOKING.
YEAH.
JUST LOOKING FOR A GOOD SPOT TO DIVE IN.
TRY SOME PATE.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK? EXCUSE ME.
I HAVE TO GO SPIT.
A TOAST.
Crowd: A TOAST! YOU KNOW, ONE OF THE JOYS OF FRIENDSHIP IS THE HAPPINESS YOU FEEL WHEN YOU KNOW HOW HAPPY YOUR FRIENDS ARE, AND I THINK WE ALL KNOW HOW HAPPY JESSE AND BECKY ARE.
AND SEEING THOSE TWO WACKY NUTS SO HAPPY DANNY, TAKE IT.
I'M TOO HAPPY.
AW, JOEY, YOU BIG SOFTY.
YOU KNOW, AS I LOOK AT ALL YOU HAPPY, SMILING PEOPLE WITH YOUR GLASSES RAISED, I CAN'T HELP BUT THINK THERE ARE SO MANY OF YOU, AND SO FEW COASTERS TO GO AROUND.
SO SHARE THOSE COASTERS-- HEY, WHILE WE'RE YOUNG! [PEOPLE SHOUTING] OH, THERE'S A LOT OF LOVE IN THIS ROOM.
TO JESSE AND REBECCA.
MAY YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL LIFE TOGETHER.
I LOVE YOU GUYS.
TO JESSE AND REBECCA.
TO JESSE AND REBECCA.
THANK YOU, EVERYBODY.
ATTENTION, EVERYONE! ATTENTION! IT'S TIME FOR THE FIRST DANCE BY THE BRIDE AND THE GROOM: MY UNCLE JESSE AND MY NEW AUNT BECKY.
OK, PEOPLE.
MOVE IT! MOVE IT! MOVE IT! MOVE IT OR LOSE IT! COME ON! THESE PEOPLE HAVE TO HAVE ROOM TO DANCE, NOW.
COME ON.
OK.
COME ON.
HURRY IT UP.
I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG I CAN HOLD THESE PEOPLE.
WELL, AS OUR WEDDING SONG, NATURALLY I WANTED MY FAVORITE SONG, JAILHOUSE ROCK.
BUT I WANTED A ROMANTIC BALLAD.
SO, AS THE FIRST OF VERY MANY, MANY, MANY COMPROMISES AS HUSBAND AND WIFE, WE CAME UP WITH A LITTLE THING.
IT GOES SOMETHING LIKE THIS.
I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY IT.
* WARDEN THREW A PARTY * * IN THE COUNTY JAIL * * THE PRISON BAND WAS THERE * * THEY BEGAN TO WAIL * * THE BAND WAS JUMPIN' * * AND THE JOINT * * BEGAN TO SWING * OH, THAT'S SWEET.
NOW, LET'S ROCK! * YOU SHOULD'VE HEARD THOSE KNOCKED OUT JAILBIRDS SING * * LET'S ROCK * * EVERYBODY, LET'S ROCK * * EVERYBODY IN THE WHOLE CELL BLOCK * * WAS DANCIN' TO THE JAILHOUSE ROCK * * SPIDER MURPHY PLAYED THE TENOR SAXOPHONE * * LITTLE JOE WAS BLOWIN' ON THE SLIDE TROMBONE * * THE DRUMMER BOY FROM ILLINOIS * * WENT CRASH, BOOM, BANG * * THE WHOLE RHYTHM SECTION * * WAS THE PURPLE GANG * * LET'S ROCK * * EVERYBODY, LET'S ROCK * * WHOO * * EVERYBODY IN THE WHOLE CELL BLOCK * * WAS DANCIN' TO THE JAILHOUSE ROCK * * I SAID DANCIN' TO THE JAILHOUSE ROCK * * DANCIN' TO THE JAILHOUSE ROCK * * OH, DANCIN' TO THE JAILHOUSE ROCK * * I SAID DANCIN' TO THE JAILHOUSE ROCK * * EVERYBODY IN THE WHOLE CELL BLOCK * * WAS DANCIN' TO THE JAILHOUSE ROCK * * EVERYBODY IN THE WHOLE CELL BLOCK * * WAS DANCIN' TO THE JAILHOUSE ROCK * * OH, YEAH, YEAH * CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL