George Lopez (2002) s03e26 Episode Script

Wrecking Ball

- George.
The boss is looking for you.
- Oh.
Thanks, Dayna.
So how's my boy doing? How's he doing as the boss' son or as a worker? - Let's start with worker.
- Ooh.
Bad attitude, late, incompetent.
Okay, let's try boss' son.
Bad attitude, late, incompetent, I look forward to working for him someday.
I'll be honest.
Zack's had some problems.
Getting kicked out of school and everything.
Part of that is my fault for not being there.
I mean, every 16-year-old kid needs a father.
Didn't he turn 17 yesterday? Oh, that's why the nanny kept tugging my arm, saying: [SPEAKING IN SPANISH.]
Ha-ha! Ah, good luck.
Hey, man, that better not be a personal call.
No, it's a sheet metal supplier.
Look, the boss just walked in, so could you get to the point? My dad's there? That is correct.
He'd kill us if he knew we were talking.
This is kind of exciting, isn't it? I agree with you on that last point.
Look, I'm not the buyer here but I have seen your product, and I like it.
You like it, huh? - So, what are you gonna do about it? JAKE: Well Friday, I'm gonna have to tour that factory of yours.
Heh.
You are so bad.
I'll be as bad as you want me to be.
Man, who the hell are you talking to? - Carmen.
- You think you're funny, don't you? I told you, you don't go near my daughter.
You don't even mention her name.
I don't know who you are, but if you're with this guy you've got serious self-esteem issues.
Bite it, fathead.
Man, all these teenage girls sound alike to me.
Mom, be careful.
That thing could tip over and crush you.
Then your little witch feet will curl up and get sucked inside.
Just leave me alone.
Look.
Your fiancé just walked out on you.
He's taking a couple of days off.
Why don't you do the same? I'm fine.
I just want my damn candy bar.
And I want everybody to stop talking about Randy.
MEL: Okay, listen up, people.
Randy dumped Benny last night.
One month before their wedding.
That's sad for Benny, but, boy, it's great for me because that's the day I picked in the pool.
Ha-ha-ha! - That's right.
Pay up, suckers.
- Ahem, Mel.
Oh! Jeez, Benny.
Uh, boy, uh, I'm sorry.
L I didn't think you would be in today.
I don't believe this.
You all had a pool that I wouldn't get married? No.
No, no, no, not at all.
No, no.
We had a "Benny can't keep a man" pool.
See? So Did you know about this? Yeah, I knew.
But I thought everybody was wrong for doing it.
Okay? That's why I put $200 down that you would make it all the way to your wedding day.
I get it.
My life is just a joke to you people.
Well, why don't you laugh about it over your cold lunches? Mom! This isn't over.
Are you happy? My mother's in pain.
I hope we all learned a lesson about making a game out of other people's suffering.
[CRASHING THEN CAR ALARM WAILING.]
Twenty bucks that's Mel's car.
[CHATTERING.]
Boy, this was a great idea.
Bringing me back to the place where my fiancé broke my heart.
Hey, after this, why don't we go to the alley behind the car wash you know, where you were conceived? Please, why don't you chill out and drink your beer? - You need to stop thinking about Randy.
GINA: Hey, Benny.
I'm sorry about what Randy did to you.
That's low.
Go ahead, take your best shot.
No, no, I mean it.
I mean it.
I'm sorry.
Men suck.
Hey, you know, amen to that.
They take what they want, and then they just throw you away.
I got no use for them.
Please.
If my shower massager could mow the lawn I would never talk to another man again.
All this time, I thought you were screaming in there because the water was cold.
You know what would make this world a better place? As soon as the doctor says, "It's a boy" you should smother it.
Sometimes, you don't get a big enough pillow.
You know, I'm gonna step away so that you ladies can speak freely.
You know what? - I am done with men forever.
- Me too.
- I'm not even gonna miss them.
- Me either.
To be honest, I'm gonna miss the sex.
You don't need a man to have sex.
I am sticking with the shower.
Me too.
Hey, listen.
Benny, Gina.
I heard you talking, and I just wanted you to know we're not all bad.
How about I buy the next round? Oh, save it, Bob.
We both know you came over here because you saw a couple of drunk vulnerable foxes you wanna get in the sack.
Yeah.
No, I swear on my mother's life She's about your age.
- That never crossed my mind.
Listen, Bob, why don't you act like your hair and disappear? Or how about I act like Randy and disappear? What did you just say? You heard me.
You better take that back.
What are you gonna do? Climb a ladder and throw that beer in my face? No.
You're gonna come down here.
Oh! Mom! Are you crazy? - Bob, are you all right? - No.
Hey, man, can you stand up and walk? BIG BOB: Mm-mm.
Bob, I'm gonna get you some help.
- This is so stupid.
- You can't go home, Mom.
- Bob knows where you live.
- Bob who? You know.
Big scary Bob from work.
She kicked him in the little scary bobs.
Is he gonna press charges? You know, he didn't say, Angie.
After you've been racked the last thing you feel like doing is chatting.
[MOANS.]
He's right, Mom.
It happened to me at soccer.
You've never had pain like that down there.
I gave birth to you, honey.
Yeah, whatever.
You know, if it's so tough why are there 5 billion people in the world? - What are you gonna do about your mom? - I'm gonna put an end to this right now.
Look, Mom.
I don't care how upset you are.
You can't go around picking bar fights.
Okay? You're not in your 40s anymore.
The next time you feel a violent impulse you need to SAB.
Stop.
Assess.
And breathe.
I got one for you, George.
SAPOIDI.
Shut Angie's pie hole or I'll do it.
Benny, you are not getting the gist SAPOIDI! Man, this is worse than Mel said.
Yeah, someone smashed up the whole factory.
Who the hell would do this? None of the doors or windows were broken so Mel thinks it was an inside job.
- Hey, I have an alibi.
- Nobody's saying it's you, Ernie.
I was out with a woman last night, all right? Okay, now I'm a little suspicious.
My dad wants to see you.
[CLICKS TONGUE.]
No, damn it, that's too long.
I can't wait for that.
Gonna take the rest of the week to fix those machines.
We're gonna have to shut down.
George, I want a name.
I'm on it, all right? I'll question everyone.
I'll find out.
Good.
When you bring me the person who did this, ooh, I am gonna fire them.
Then I'll call them back in pretend it was a joke, apologize, and then fire them again.
Then I'm gonna call them at home, tell them it was all a big misunderstanding.
Offer them a raise to come back in, and then I'm gonna fire them again.
Gonna create a dummy company.
Put an ad in the paper.
"Hey" - Mel.
Mel.
- What? I got it, okay? Okay, look.
If anyone has any idea who might have done this please come and see me in my office.
It'll be strictly confidential.
I think it was Benny.
I said come in my office.
Yeah, but whoever did it only smashed up one locker.
Randy's.
That doesn't prove anything.
But what if she came back to Thirsty's last night and said she was going to burn the factory to the ground? I'm just asking.
It's got to be Benny.
BIG BOB: Oh, it was Benny.
MAN: Right.
GEORGE: Okay, you don't know that.
Whoever thinks it's somebody other than my mother please follow me to my office.
What's the word on the floor, George? Could be anybody.
Zack, what are you doing here? Dad's gonna be here.
I know.
But I couldn't go all day without doing this.
You came all the way here just to do that? Yeah.
Then you might as well do it right.
Carmen, this laundry is not gonna fold itself.
I don't wanna talk to anybody.
I had a horrible day at work.
One of the workers trashed the factory, we had to shut it down.
Oh, my God.
Who would do that? I'm just messing with you.
What's gonna happen to your mom? I don't know.
I wanna believe she didn't do it, Angie, but all the evidence points to her.
This is just perfect.
It's just like everything else in this country.
You're guilty until proven innocent.
You know what? This is all because of the New England Patriots Act.
That's about gay marriages.
Pick up a newspaper.
Your mom's here.
So Did you hear about the factory? Yeah.
I heard it's a mess.
- So how did you hurt your hand? - Oh.
I got drunk last night, I fell I sprained my wrist.
That's why I didn't come in.
- Really? BENNY: Mm.
So let me get this straight.
You just happened to hurt your hand the same day that somebody trashed the factory.
Huh.
What are you saying? I'm saying that you were mad at Mel.
You smashed the microwave.
You kicked Big Bob in his huevos.
And you told Gina you were gonna burn the factory down.
Yeah.
I was mad at Mel about the pool.
Big Bob deserved it.
And you know, Gina's just mad because I don't do the AC-dusey Mom! Randy's locker was the only one smashed.
Now, how do you explain that? [SCOFFS.]
You know what? They just need somebody to blame, and I'm the easy choice.
Look, do you know how serious this is? Mom, we had to shut the factory down.
People are gonna lose their paychecks.
Look, I can't I can't protect you this time.
George.
I know that this doesn't look good.
I did not trash the factory.
Why can't you believe me? Because you've lied to me your whole life.
You said that my dad was dead.
That I didn't have a sister.
You said that that plastic garbage bag you threw in the river was a hamster submarine and when his mission was over, Mr.
Winkie would come back.
What do you wanna hear? That I was trying to push him back in his cage with the barbecue fork? Is that better? Is that what happened? What do you wanna hear? That I was drunk and I thought he was one of my house slippers? [IMITATES SQUISHING.]
- Is that better? - You know what? You've been lying so much, you don't even remember what the truth is.
Look, everyone at the factory is saying that it's you.
I'm the manager.
I'm gonna have to tell Mel.
You do what you have to do, but I'm gonna tell you one thing.
I always stood up for you.
No matter what they accused you of.
You know, breaking a window, cheating on a test, I don't care.
I said, "He didn't do it," because you were my son.
Ah, you could've killed somebody.
I would've gone on the TV and said, "He's a good boy.
" Even after I hid the body.
So you go in, Mr.
Manager and do your job tomorrow.
Sorry about Mr.
Winkie, Dad.
Grandma shouldn't have lied about something you loved.
Yeah, you're right, Max.
[GEORGE CHUCKLES.]
Hey, remember when I told you that, uh, NASA picked your pet snake, Reuben, for that secret space mission? Yeah.
You know, that's not necessarily what happened.
You know, I put him in the yard to sun himself and I forgot and I mowed the lawn.
If you wanna say goodbye to him, he's over there.
Max.
And over there.
Max.
And there was some right here.
His tail was like that.
- George.
- Yeah.
This is gonna be difficult but I know who's responsible for the vandalism.
Okay, look, Mel, before you say anything I want you to know that I came here fully prepared to fire my mother.
Good.
Long time coming, consider it done.
GEORGE: No, no, no.
Look, even though all the evidence points to her she told me she didn't do it.
I'm willing to put my job on the line that she's telling the truth.
Well, of course she is.
My idiot son did it.
- What? - Ah, the little snot ripped up the place just to tick me off.
How did you know he did it? Checked the handwriting on the graffiti against the "I hate you, Daddy" thing he wrote in the psychologist's office.
We're still firing your mom though, right? Because, boy, I could use some good news.
No, Mel, no, there's no reason to fire my mom now.
How about that Christmas party where I got drunk and she shaved my legs? It never grows back the same, George.
Look, Mel, I'm not gonna fire my mom and that's final.
- Fine.
- Thanks, Mel.
Would you fire your mom for something she didn't do? Oh, man.
I just wish she was alive so I could do it again.
BENNY: They're all idiots.
I mean, you make a few mistakes in your life some misdemeanors a couple of assaults a New Year's Eve bullet falls on somebody's dog and suddenly, you're a bad person.
Grandma, can I tell you something? You can't tell anybody.
I thought you were showing.
Hey, 15, you beat me by a year.
No.
Okay.
I like this boy, but everyone misunderstands him.
They think he's, like, bad or something, but he's not.
He's really sweet.
And gentle.
Heh.
Shouldn't you be having this conversation with your mother? What the hell does she do? Oh, hey.
Am I fired? Nope.
You're still hanging to the same thread you've been clinging to for 36 years.
You're off the hook.
Mel's son was looking for attention.
He took it out on the factory.
Zack Powers did this? Hey, I told you that dude was a criminal.
Ah, God help the skank that falls in love with him.
I don't understand.
I thought all the evidence pointed to me.
I'm out of control.
I'm the one who kills microwaves and hamsters.
Hey.
Look, don't give me any crap, Mom.
- I went in there, I took a stand for you.
- Get out of here.
No.
I stood up for you, Mom, and I feel good about it.
You know why? Because for the first time in my life wow, you were telling the truth.
Well, that'd be nice.
GEORGE: Oh, no.
Okay, here's the truth.
I went into the factory yesterday morning but I saw the place was already wrecked, so I figured what the heck.
And I smashed Randy's locker.
Ha! Remember, I was mad at him.
Is that how you hurt your paw? No, no.
I did this breaking into Mel's liquor cabinet so, you know, I kind of worked that out too.
Okay, please, be finished.
Hey, George, I am telling you this because I love you.
GEORGE: What? Oh.
The lies are back.
I'm home again.
The next time you feel a violent impulse, you need to SAB.
Stop.
Assess.
And breathe.
Shut up.
[ALL LAUGHING.]
- Okay, come on.
Focus.
MAN: And - Hold on.
- Ha-ha-ha! [LOPEZ LAUGHING.]
- Bite the inside of your lip.
MARIE: That's good.
Okay.
MAN: And action.
[LOPEZ SNICKERS.]
[MARIE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY.]
I'm try I'm trying.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm having fun, all right? Is that so wrong? [LAUGHING.]

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