Get Smart (1965) s01e07 Episode Script
KAOS in CONTROL
( suspenseful music playing ) ( siren blaring ) - ( siren stops ) - CHIEF, IT LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S TRIED TO MAKE AN IMPRESSION OF THIS LOCK.
GENTLEMEN, AS OF THIS MOMENT ALL MEMBERS OF CONTROL ARE ON THE MAGENTA ALERT.
YOU DON'T THINK WE'VE BEEN INFILTRATED, DO YOU, SIR? I DON'T KNOW, HODGKINS, BUT WE'RE NOT TAKING ANY CHANCES.
AT 4:00 THIS AFTERNOON OUR GOVERNMENT IS BRINGING TOGETHER SIX OF THE WORLD'S TOP SCIENTIFIC GENIUSES.
THE ULTIMATE DEFENSE OF OUR NATION MAY DEPEND UPON OUR ABILITY TO PROTECT THIS CONFERENCE AND THE SIX GREAT MINDS WHO ARE ATTENDING IT.
IF SOMEONE WAS IN FACT TAMPERING WITH THIS LOCK, WE'VE GOT TO FIND OUT WHO IT WAS AND WHY IMMEDIATELY.
THERE'S ONLY ONE KEY THAT WILL OPEN THESE LOCKS, AND THAT'S IN THE POSSESSION OF THE CONTROL AGENT WHO'S IN CHARGE OF INTERNAL SECURITY THIS MONTH.
I WANT TO SEE HIM IN MY OFFICE RIGHT AWAY.
THE FUTURE OF OUR COUNTRY MAY DEPEND UPON THAT KEY AND THAT MAN.
WHO IS IT, HODGKINS? UH, AGENT 86, MAXWELL SMART.
- ( phone ringing ) - ( whistling ) UH, COMING.
UH, IN A MINUTE.
I SAID I'M COMING.
YES? HELLO? HELLO.
TWO, FIVE ( phone ringing ) SMART HERE.
YES, CHIEF.
A MAGENTA ALERT? YES, SIR, THE EMERGENCY LIST, THE DUTY ROSTER AND THE KEY TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM.
FUNNY YOU SHOULD ASK, CHIEF.
I HAVE THEM ALL RIGHT AT MY FINGERTIPS.
UH, CHIEF, YOU WOULDN'T HAPPEN TO NEED A DRAWER, WOULD YOU? OH.
I DIDN'T THINK SO.
( theme music playing ) WHAT'S UP, CHIEF? WHY THE MAGENTA ALERT? ABOUT THE CONFERENCE THIS AFTERNOON.
WE HAVE REASON TO BELIEVE THAT CONTROL MAY HAVE BEEN INFILTRATED.
- WHY? - THE ALARM WENT OFF ON THE CONFERENCE ROOM DOOR.
NOW IT MAY HAVE BEEN A MALFUNCTION IN THE ELECTRICAL CIRCUIT, - BUT ON THE OTHER HAND-- - YES, I SEE WHAT YOU MEAN, CHIEF.
I ASSUME YOU HAVE THE KEY TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM DOOR.
THAT'S RIGHT, CHIEF, AND NO ONE CAN TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME.
NOT AS LONG AS I HAVE IT ON THIS SECURITY CHAIN THAT WAS DEVELOPED BY PROFESSOR WINDISH.
GOOD.
NOW FROM HERE ON EVERYTHING IS CLASS "A" SECURITY.
HERE'S WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO-- WAIT A MINUTE, CHIEF.
DIDN'T YOU JUST SAY "CLASS 'A' SECURITY"? I DID.
WELL, THEN SHOULDN'T WE-- DO YOU WANT ME TO LEAVE THE ROOM? THAT WON'T BE NECESSARY, HODGKINS.
WE CAN TALK UNDER THE CONE OF SILENCE.
THE CONE OF SILENCE? WELL, THIS IS A MAGENTA ALERT, ISN'T IT? THE CONE OF SILENCE.
( whirring ) I AM DEEPLY CONCERNED ABOUT THE CONFERENCE ROOM.
- WHAT? - I'M CONCERNED ABOUT THE CONFERENCE ROOM.
- HOW'S THAT? - HE'S CONCERNED ABOUT THE CONFERENCE ROOM.
OH.
I WANT IT THOROUGHLY INSPECTED FOR HIDDEN DEVICES-- MICROPHONES, BOMBS.
- WHAT? - CHECK FOR MICROPHONES AND BOMBS.
OH.
WELL, DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT'S NECESSARY, CHIEF? I MEAN, ISN'T THAT AN ANTI-INFILTRATION TACTIC? - WHAT? - HE WONDERS IF THAT'S AN ANTI-INFILTRATION TACTIC.
OH.
WHY AM I TALKING TO YOU? WILL YOU GET THIS THING OFF ME? - ( whirring ) - YOU KNOW THIS THING DOESN'T WORK.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS INSIST ON USING IT? WELL, FOR ONE THING, IT'S 20° COOLER INSIDE.
ALL RIGHT, HODGKINS.
CONE OF SILENCE! LISTEN, MAX, THE MERE CHANCE THAT AN ENEMY AGENT MAY HAVE INFILTRATED CONTROL-- CHIEF, WHY DON'T YOU JUST CANCEL THE CONFERENCE? IF I HAD TO ADMIT I WAS AFRAID TO HOLD A MEETING HERE IN OUR OWN BUILDING-- THE VERY AGENCY THAT'S RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR NATION'S SECURITY-- I'D BE LAUGHED RIGHT OUT OF THE BUSINESS.
- CAN I MAKE A SUGGESTION, CHIEF? - WHAT IS IT? DON'T CANCEL THE CONFERENCE.
MAX, I WANT YOU TO GIVE THE CONFERENCE ROOM A COMPLETE EXAMINATION.
WELL, I'LL NEED SOME SPECIAL EQUIPMENT FOR THAT, CHIEF.
GET IT FROM THE LAB.
BUT, MAX, REMEMBER-- CLASS "A" SECURITY.
DON'T LET WINDISH KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
CHIEF, YOU DON'T MEAN THAT PROFESSOR WINDISH-- MAX, THAT MEETING THIS AFTERNOON IS VITAL TO OUR COUNTRY.
THOSE SIX MEN MUST BE PROTECTED.
ONE MAN WITH AN ORDINARY GUN-- SIX BULLETS-- COULD DESTROY THE HOPES OF THE FREE WORLD.
WELL, THEN NO ONE IS ABOVE SUSPICION.
FOR THE TIME BEING, YOU ARE THE ONLY MAN I CAN TRUST.
WELL, CHIEF, I CERTAINLY APPRECIATE YOUR TAKING ME INTO YOUR CONFIDENCE LIKE THIS.
MAX, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE IN WHOM WE MUST HAVE FAITH.
WELL, I CERTAINLY AM GLAD YOU FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT ME.
MAX, I THINK I KNOW YOU WELL ENOUGH TO SAY I TRUST YOU COMPLETELY.
THIS IS IT, ONE OF THE MOST INCREDIBLE OF MY MANY INCREDIBLE INVENTIONS.
OH, PROFESSOR, IT'S BEAUTIFUL! THANK YOU, MY DEAR.
INTO PERFECTING IT-- THE WORLD'S FIRST ELECTRO-RETROGRESSOR GUN.
JUST THINK OF IT, 99.
AT LAST, AT LAST, AN ACTUAL WORKING ELECTRO-RETROGRESSOR GUN.
- ONE THING, PROFESSOR.
- WHAT? JUST WHAT IS AN ELECTRO-RETROGRESSOR GUN? AIM IT, PRESS THE TRIGGER ( buzzes ) THE VICTIM RECEIVES ONE SECOND OF THIS RAY; HE'LL BE TEMPORARILY INCAPABLE OF THINKING BEYOND THE LEVEL OF AN EIGHT-YEAR-OLD.
- EVEN ADULTS? - ANYONE.
THE MOST BRILLIANT MIND RETROGRESSES TO THE AGE OF EIGHT.
AMAZING! YES, I AM.
LET'S PUT IT AWAY NOW.
THERE ARE SOME MINOR ADJUSTMENTS THAT I WANT TO MAKE, BUT THEY CAN WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW.
ALMA, UNLOCK THE CABINET.
HENRY, TAKE THE GUN.
- BE CAREFUL NOW.
- YES, PROFESSOR.
CAREFUL, CAREFUL.
WHAT DO YOU THINK WE NEED FOR THE CONFERENCE ROOM? WELL, I'D LIKE TO USE THE MAGIC EAR LISTENING DEVICE.
OH, YES.
AND WHAT ABOUT THE POCKET DISINTEGRATOR IN CASE WE HAVE TO TAKE APART SOMETHING THAT'S SOLID? GOOD IDEA, 99, UH, BUT LET ME ASK.
I DON'T WANT - THE PROFESSOR TO KNOW WHAT WE'RE USING THEM FOR.
- OKAY.
OH, WINDISH? - PROFESSOR? PROFESSOR? - YES, SMART? PROFESSOR, I'D LIKE TO BORROW SOME OF YOUR EQUIPMENT.
I WONDER IF YOU'D MIND IF I USED YOUR POCKET DISINTEGRATOR PEN AND YOUR MAGIC EAR LISTENING DEVICE FOR A FEW HOURS.
- WHAT FOR? - WELL, I'D LIKE TO TELL YOU, PROFESSOR, BUT IT'S ALL PRETTY TOP SECRET.
OH, THESE ARE NOT TOYS, 86.
I'M AFRAID THAT YOU'LL NEED A REQUISITION FOR THEM.
UM, PROFESSOR, I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT IT WOULD BE SUCH FUN TO SEE HOW THOSE DEVICES WORK.
OH YEAH?WELL OH.
Windish: THERE WE ARE.
JUST BRING THEM BACK WHEN YOU'RE THROUGH, MY DEAR.
OH, THANK YOU, PROFESSOR.
OH, ANYTHING FOR THE SERVICE.
COMING, 86? NOTHING HERE, MAX.
NOTHING HERE EITHER, 99.
I THINK WE'D BETTER USE THE MAGIC EAR.
- HOW DOES THAT WORK? - WELL, IT'S REALLY QUITE SIMPLE.
SEE, THIS PART FITS OVER THE EAR.
NOW TAKE THE CONTROL AND TURN THE INDICATOR TO ONE.
- RIGHT.
- NOW WATCH THIS.
I TAKE A HAIR FROM MY HEAD.
NOW LISTEN TO WHAT HAPPENS WHEN IT HITS THE TABLE.
( crash ) WOW, THAT'S REALLY INGENIOUS.
YES, AND THAT'S ONLY AT HALF VOLUME.
WELL, I THINK I'D BETTER GIVE THE WALLS A QUICK CHECK.
I DON'T SEEM TO BE GETTING ANYTHING.
I THINK YOU'D BETTER TURN THE VOLUME UP TO FULL.
RIGHT.
SORRY.
MA-- NOW IF THERE'S ANYTHING MECHANICAL OR ELECTRICAL IN THESE WALLS, THE MAGIC EAR WILL PICK UP THE NOISE.
UH-OH.
WHAT'S THAT? I DON'T KNOW.
LOOK AT THE CONTROL AND SEE WHAT THE INDICATOR SAYS.
IT'S POINTING TO "ELECTRICAL.
" ELECTRICAL, EH? WELL, IT COULD BE A BOMB WITH AN ELECTRICAL TIMING DEVICE.
WE'D BETTER USE THE DISINTEGRATOR.
DON'T YOU THINK WE'D BETTER CHECK IT OUT WITH THE CHIEF? NO TIME FOR THAT.
THAT BOMB'S LIABLE TO GO OFF AT ANY MOMENT.
I'VE GOTTA TAKE THIS DISINTEGRATOR AND CUT THROUGH THAT WALL - AND SEE WHAT'S MAKING THAT NOISE.
- WHAT'S BEHIND THAT WALL? I DON'T KNOW.
IT MIGHT BE THE SUPPLY ROOM, THE CHIEF'S OFFICE OR THE OUTSIDE OF THE BUILDING.
BE CAREFUL, MAX.
( shaver buzzing ) IT'S THE CHIEF'S OFFICE.
HI, CHIEF.
UH, SORRY ABOUT THIS.
( chuckles ) I SEE YOU'RE SHAVING.
MISSED A LITTLE SPOT RIGHT THERE.
WELL, CHIEF, NO PROBLEM SO FAR.
WE'VE GOT THE CONFERENCE ROOM COMPLETELY SAFE AND SEALED OFF.
EXCELLENT.
I THINK WE'VE TAKEN EVERY PRECAUTION.
BUT THE MAGENTA ALERT IS STILL ON.
YES, WELL, WE ALL APPRECIATE YOUR CONCERN, CHIEF, BUT I THINK YOU CAN RELAX FOR A WHILE.
AS AGENT IN CHARGE OF INTERNAL SECURITY, I CAN GIVE YOU MY PERSONAL ASSURANCE THAT EVERYTHING IS UNDER PERFECT CONTROL.
( alarm blaring ) UH, WOULD YOU SETTLE FOR ALMOST PERFECT? HODGKINS, WHO THREW THE ALARM? It came from the laboratory, sir.
- Are you there, Chief? - WHAT IS IT, WINDISH? Someone has stolen my retrogressor gun.
PROFESSOR, DIDN'T YOU HAVE IT LOCKED UP? Yes, I did.
But I wanted to do some work on one of the mechanisms.
I just started to work on it when-- HOLD ON, PROFESSOR.
HODGKINS, SEAL OFF THE ENTIRE BUILDING.
PROFESSOR, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO STOLE THE GUN? Yes.
I can't believe it, but it was one of our own people.
WHO, PROFESSOR, WHO? - It was-- - ( buzzes ) I want my mommy.
Mommy, where are you, Mommy? I want my mommy.
I want my mommy.
HOW LONG WILL THE EFFECTS OF THE RETROGRESSOR GUN LAST? THERE'S NO WAY OF KNOWING, AND NOW THE PROFESSOR CAN'T TELL US.
HIS MIND IS THE MIND OF AN EIGHT-YEAR-OLD CHILD.
AN ENEMY AGENT IN OUR MIDST AND HE HAS THE RETROGRESSOR GUN.
WE'VE GOT TO FIND THAT GUN, CHIEF.
START WITH EVERY AGENT ON DUTY OUTSIDE THE BUILDING.
FIND OUT IF ANYONE HAS LEFT THE BUILDING IN THE LAST FEW MINUTES.
WE'VE GOT ONLY TWO HOURS UNTIL THAT CONFERENCE STARTS.
RIGHT, CHIEF.
HOW MANY AGENTS HAVE WE CHECKED OUT SO FAR? ALL CLEAR EXCEPT AGENT 17.
HOLD IT.
( organ grinder playing ) RECOGNIZE HIM? YES, THAT'S AGENT 17.
WOW, WHAT A DISGUISE.
SHOULD WE QUESTION HIM? NO, NOT NOW.
THE ORGAN GRINDER IS WATCHING HIM TOO CLOSELY.
MAX, IF NONE OF OUR AGENTS ON THE OUTSIDE SAW ANYONE LEAVING THE BUILDING, THAT MEANS WHOEVER STOLE THE RETROGRESSOR GUN IS STILL IN HERE.
YES, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WAS THINKING, 99.
AND THAT MEANS THAT THE THIEF IS PROBABLY - PLANNING TO USE IT ON THE DELEGATES.
- OR US.
MAX, YOU'RE IN DANGER.
SO ARE YOU, 99.
OH, MAX.
- ( alarm ringing ) - OH, WHAT'S THAT? IT'S THE CHIEF'S OFFICE.
COME ON.
CHIEF, HAS SOMETHING HAPPENED TO YOU? - CHIEF.
- I WANNA GO OUT AND PLAY.
OH, NO.
THEY GOT HIM TOO.
WELL, AT LEAST THE PROFESSOR WILL HAVE SOMEONE TO PLAY WITH.
OH, MAX, THERE'S NO ONE IN CHARGE.
WHO'S GOING TO TAKE OVER? - I AM.
- OH.
- 99.
- YES.
TAKE THE CHIEF DOWN TO THE INFIRMARY.
- I WANNA GO OUT AND PLAY.
- COME ON, CHIEF, COME ON.
HODGKINS, GET IN HERE RIGHT AWAY.
- 99.
- YES.
I WANT A COMPLETE CHECK ON EVERY AGENT WHO'S BEEN ON DUTY IN THIS BUILDING - FOR THE PAST 24 HOURS.
- RIGHT.
NOW HEAR THIS: THIS IS AN EMERGENCY.
NO ONE WILL LEAVE THIS BUILDING.
I REPEAT, NO ONE WILL LEAVE THIS BUILDING.
- HODGKINS! - AHEM.
OH.
HODGKINS, I WANT THE OFFICER RESPONSIBLE FOR INTERNAL SECURITY IN HERE ON THE DOUBLE.
YOU'RE THE INTERNAL SECURITY OFFICER.
FAST WORK, HODGKINS.
NOW I WANT A COMPLETE CHANGE OF PERSONNEL ON THE ENTRANCES AND EXITS.
RELAY ALL CALLS THROUGH THIS OFFICE.
( phones ringing ) NOT SO FAST, PLEASE.
UH, CAN YOU HOLD ON FOR A SECOND? UH, I'LL BE WITH YOU IN A MINUTE.
ARE YOU STILL THERE? UH, LISTEN, I'LL HAVE TO CALL YOU BACK LATER YEAH.
UH, CORRECTION.
CORRECTION: NO CALLS WILL BE RELAYED THROUGH THIS OFFICE.
CODE ROOM.
( whirring ) CODE ROOM, I WANT NEW PASSWORDS AND COUNTERSIGNS.
RADIO COMMUNICATIONS WILL BE TRANSFERRED TO EMERGENCY FREQUENCY.
I WANT ALL AGENTS ON THE OUTSIDE BROUGHT INSIDE.
I WANT ALL AGENTS ON THE INSIDE BROUGHT OUTSIDE.
MAX!MAX! MAX, THE DELEGATES HAVE JUST ARRIVED.
THEY'RE ON THEIR WAY TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM.
THEY'VE ALREADY PASSED EXTERNAL SECURITY.
- SAY WHAT? - THE DELEGATES, THEY'VE ALREADY ARRIVED.
THEY'RE ON THEIR WAY TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM.
THE MEETING BEGINS IN FIVE MINUTES, MAX! YOU DON'T HAVE TO SHOUT, 99.
I CAN HEAR YOU.
THEY MUSTN'T FIND OUT ABOUT THE CHIEF.
I'VE GOTTA GO DOWN TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM AND LET THEM IN.
HODGKINS, TAKE OVER.
- COME ON, 99.
- RIGHT.
GENTLEMEN, AS OFFICER IN CHARGE OF INTERNAL SECURITY HERE, IT IS MY PLEASURE TO WELCOME YOU AND TO ASSURE YOU THAT YOUR CONFERENCE WILL BE SAFE AND PLEASANT.
THE CHIEF WOULD HAVE BEEN HERE HIMSELF TO WELCOME YOU, BUT I'M SURE THAT HE'LL JOIN US, UH, AS SOON AS HE'S HAD HIS NAP.
HIS NAP? UH, N.
A.
P.
NATIONAL AREA PROGRAM REPORTS.
WELL, IN THE MEANTIME IT WILL BE MY PLEASURE TO UNLOCK THE CONFERENCE ROOM DOOR AND LET YOU GENTLEMEN GET ON WITH YOUR WORK.
I SHALL BE IN CHARGE OF SECURITY DURING THE ENTIRE CONFERENCE.
UH, AS YOU'LL NOTICE, THIS IS A GOOD FIRM, SOLID DOOR.
IT'S PRACTICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO GET INTO THIS CONFERENCE ROOM.
HOWEVER, I HAVE A PLAN.
I HAVE AN ALTERNATE PLAN.
RIGHT THIS WAY, GENTLEMEN.
AND I'D APPRECIATE IT IF YOU'D HURRY.
IT'S A LITTLE DRAFTY OUT HERE.
ARE YOU HAVING A LITTLE TROUBLE, 86? UH, NO, 99.
I'M JUST TRYING TO GET THE KEY OUT OF THE LOCK.
I WONDER WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU PUSHED THE KEY IN AND THEN TURNED IT.
IF YOU DON'T MIND, 99, I'D LIKE TO HANDLE THIS MYSELF.
YOU SEE, I'M JUST GONNA PUSH THE KEY IN AND TURN IT.
ALL OVER FOR YOU.
- WHAT IS IT, RADCHECK.
- TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
- WHAT IS IT? - CLAY, THE KIND THAT'S USED FOR MAKING IMPRESSIONS OF LOCKS.
- WHERE DID YOU FIND IT? - IN ALMA SUTTON'S PURSE.
ALMA SUTTON? YOUR COWORKER? I'VE SUSPECTED HER FOR A LONG TIME.
SHE'S IN THE LAB RIGHT NOW.
RADCHECK, YOU STAY HERE AND GUARD THE CONFERENCE.
- 99, WE'LL GO GET ALMA.
- RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT, ALMA-- DID YOU COME DOWN TO PLAY WITH ME? OOH, I LOVE TO JUMP ROPE.
NEXT TO WATCHING "CAPTAIN KANGAROO" ON TELEVISION I LOVE JUMPING ROPE THE BEST.
SHE'S BEEN HIT BY THE RETROGRESSOR GUN TOO.
IT'S NOT HER.
AND IF IT'S NOT HER, THEN IT'S GOT TO BE RADCHECK.
AND I LEFT HIM GUARDING THE MEETING.
- COME ON.
- OH! WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? RADCHECK, YOU'RE UNDER ARREST.
YOU'RE A SPY, A TRAITOR AND A DOUBLE-DEALER.
YOU MIGHT AS WELL CONFESS.
I'M COMPLETELY INNOCENT! THAT'S A GOOD START.
OKAY, 99, I THINK WE CAN START WITH THE INTERROGATION NOW.
CHECK, 86.
OKAY, RADCHECK, START TALKING.
- 99: WHO PAYS YOU? - WHO DO YOU REPORT TO? - WHOM.
- WHOM? LOOK, I'LL TELL YOU EVERYTHING.
JUST A MINUTE, RADCHECK.
ARE YOU SURE IT'S WHOM, 99? OH YEAH, I THINK SO, BECAUSE WHOM IS THE OBJECTIVE, YOU SEE, - AND IF YOU HAVE A PREPOSITION-- - I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE A STATEMENT.
WHO DO YOU REPORT TO? WHOM DO YOU REPORT TO? IT'S WHOM.
IT IS?OH.
WELL, THEN IN THAT CASE PERHAPS YOU CAN TELL US WHOM HAD ACCESS TO THE RETROGRESSOR? I TELL YOU IT WAS ALMA SUTTON.
DON'T BE RIDICULOUS, RADCHECK.
YOU'VE TURNED ALMA SUTTON INTO AN EIGHT-YEAR-OLD CHILD WHO WANTS NOTHING MORE THAN TO WATCH "CAPTAIN KANGAROO.
" - "CAPTAIN KANGAROO.
" - WHAT IS IT, MAX? OR COURSE, THAT'S IT! WHY DIDN'T I SEE IT BEFORE? UNLOCK HIM, 99.
WELL, ALMA, ARE YOU STILL AN EIGHT-YEAR-OLD OR HAVE YOU DECIDED TO ACT YOUR AGE? HOW DID YOU FIND OUT? WELL, YOU HAD ME FOOLED FOR A WHILE, BUT YOU MADE ONE LITTLE MISTAKE.
WHEN YOU SAID THAT YOU WATCH "CAPTAIN KANGAROO," I REALIZED THAT IF YOU'D ACTUALLY BEEN SHOT BY THE RETROGRESSOR GUN YOU COULD NOT POSSIBLY HAVE SEEN THAT SHOW, BECAUSE "CAPTAIN KANGAROO" WAS NOT ON WHEN YOU WERE EIGHT YEARS OLD.
VERY CLEVER, MR.
SMART, BUT YOU ALSO MADE ONE LITTLE MISTAKE.
- OH? WHAT WAS THAT? - COMING HERE.
THE DOOR TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM IS LOCKED.
I WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ABLE TO GET IN, BUT NOW THAT YOU'RE HERE WITH THE KEY ALMA, YOU WANT TO GET INTO THAT CONFERENCE ROOM? JUST GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON WHY I SHOULD LET YOU IN.
HERE'S ONE.
YOU WANT TO TRY FOR TWO OUT OF THREE? OPEN THE DOOR, SMART.
ALL RIGHT, ALMA.
JUST THINK OF IT, 86, IN JUST A FEW MINUTES SIX OF THE GREATEST SCIENTISTS IN THE WHOLE WORLD WILL BE RUNNING AROUND THE ROOM PLAYING HOPSCOTCH.
- ALMA-- - QUIET.
TURN AROUND.
PUT YOUR HANDS UP.
YOU'RE NEXT.
( buzzing ) BANG BANG.
OKAY, ALMA, YOU'D BETTER COME ALONG WITH YOUR UNCLE MAX.
LITTLE GIRLS LIKE YOU BELONG IN JAIL.
I'LL GO IF YOU'LL SKIP WITH ME.
IT WAS AN AMAZING EXPERIENCE, MAX.
SIMPLY AMAZING.
YES, WELL, THANK YOU, CHIEF.
I'M GLAD YOU'RE ALL RIGHT NOW.
- DID I GIVE YOU ANY TROUBLE? - NO, AS A MATTER OF FACT, YOU WERE A DELIGHTFUL CHILD.
THANK YOU.
WHAT ABOUT PROFESSOR WINDISH? OH, HE CAME OUT OF IT ABOUT AN HOUR AGO.
YES, AND I UNDERSTAND HE'S GOING TO DESTROY THE RETROGRESSOR GUN.
WHY? WELL, APPARENTLY HE HAD A ROTTEN CHILDHOOD.
WELL, YOU BOTH DID A REMARKABLE JOB.
I HAVE A LITTLE SURPRISE FOR YOU.
WHAT'S THAT, CHIEF? BECAUSE OF THE EXCELLENCE OF YOUR WORK IN PROTECTING THOSE MEN IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM, WE'VE DECIDED TO GIVE YOU THIS CERTIFICATE OF MERITORIOUS SERVICE.
OH, GOSH, CHIEF, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
DON'T SAY ANYTHING, MAX.
JUST READ IT OVER AND THEN DESTROY IT.
DESTROY IT? THIS IS A SECRET ORGANIZATION.
OH.
( theme music playing )
GENTLEMEN, AS OF THIS MOMENT ALL MEMBERS OF CONTROL ARE ON THE MAGENTA ALERT.
YOU DON'T THINK WE'VE BEEN INFILTRATED, DO YOU, SIR? I DON'T KNOW, HODGKINS, BUT WE'RE NOT TAKING ANY CHANCES.
AT 4:00 THIS AFTERNOON OUR GOVERNMENT IS BRINGING TOGETHER SIX OF THE WORLD'S TOP SCIENTIFIC GENIUSES.
THE ULTIMATE DEFENSE OF OUR NATION MAY DEPEND UPON OUR ABILITY TO PROTECT THIS CONFERENCE AND THE SIX GREAT MINDS WHO ARE ATTENDING IT.
IF SOMEONE WAS IN FACT TAMPERING WITH THIS LOCK, WE'VE GOT TO FIND OUT WHO IT WAS AND WHY IMMEDIATELY.
THERE'S ONLY ONE KEY THAT WILL OPEN THESE LOCKS, AND THAT'S IN THE POSSESSION OF THE CONTROL AGENT WHO'S IN CHARGE OF INTERNAL SECURITY THIS MONTH.
I WANT TO SEE HIM IN MY OFFICE RIGHT AWAY.
THE FUTURE OF OUR COUNTRY MAY DEPEND UPON THAT KEY AND THAT MAN.
WHO IS IT, HODGKINS? UH, AGENT 86, MAXWELL SMART.
- ( phone ringing ) - ( whistling ) UH, COMING.
UH, IN A MINUTE.
I SAID I'M COMING.
YES? HELLO? HELLO.
TWO, FIVE ( phone ringing ) SMART HERE.
YES, CHIEF.
A MAGENTA ALERT? YES, SIR, THE EMERGENCY LIST, THE DUTY ROSTER AND THE KEY TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM.
FUNNY YOU SHOULD ASK, CHIEF.
I HAVE THEM ALL RIGHT AT MY FINGERTIPS.
UH, CHIEF, YOU WOULDN'T HAPPEN TO NEED A DRAWER, WOULD YOU? OH.
I DIDN'T THINK SO.
( theme music playing ) WHAT'S UP, CHIEF? WHY THE MAGENTA ALERT? ABOUT THE CONFERENCE THIS AFTERNOON.
WE HAVE REASON TO BELIEVE THAT CONTROL MAY HAVE BEEN INFILTRATED.
- WHY? - THE ALARM WENT OFF ON THE CONFERENCE ROOM DOOR.
NOW IT MAY HAVE BEEN A MALFUNCTION IN THE ELECTRICAL CIRCUIT, - BUT ON THE OTHER HAND-- - YES, I SEE WHAT YOU MEAN, CHIEF.
I ASSUME YOU HAVE THE KEY TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM DOOR.
THAT'S RIGHT, CHIEF, AND NO ONE CAN TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME.
NOT AS LONG AS I HAVE IT ON THIS SECURITY CHAIN THAT WAS DEVELOPED BY PROFESSOR WINDISH.
GOOD.
NOW FROM HERE ON EVERYTHING IS CLASS "A" SECURITY.
HERE'S WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO-- WAIT A MINUTE, CHIEF.
DIDN'T YOU JUST SAY "CLASS 'A' SECURITY"? I DID.
WELL, THEN SHOULDN'T WE-- DO YOU WANT ME TO LEAVE THE ROOM? THAT WON'T BE NECESSARY, HODGKINS.
WE CAN TALK UNDER THE CONE OF SILENCE.
THE CONE OF SILENCE? WELL, THIS IS A MAGENTA ALERT, ISN'T IT? THE CONE OF SILENCE.
( whirring ) I AM DEEPLY CONCERNED ABOUT THE CONFERENCE ROOM.
- WHAT? - I'M CONCERNED ABOUT THE CONFERENCE ROOM.
- HOW'S THAT? - HE'S CONCERNED ABOUT THE CONFERENCE ROOM.
OH.
I WANT IT THOROUGHLY INSPECTED FOR HIDDEN DEVICES-- MICROPHONES, BOMBS.
- WHAT? - CHECK FOR MICROPHONES AND BOMBS.
OH.
WELL, DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT'S NECESSARY, CHIEF? I MEAN, ISN'T THAT AN ANTI-INFILTRATION TACTIC? - WHAT? - HE WONDERS IF THAT'S AN ANTI-INFILTRATION TACTIC.
OH.
WHY AM I TALKING TO YOU? WILL YOU GET THIS THING OFF ME? - ( whirring ) - YOU KNOW THIS THING DOESN'T WORK.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS INSIST ON USING IT? WELL, FOR ONE THING, IT'S 20° COOLER INSIDE.
ALL RIGHT, HODGKINS.
CONE OF SILENCE! LISTEN, MAX, THE MERE CHANCE THAT AN ENEMY AGENT MAY HAVE INFILTRATED CONTROL-- CHIEF, WHY DON'T YOU JUST CANCEL THE CONFERENCE? IF I HAD TO ADMIT I WAS AFRAID TO HOLD A MEETING HERE IN OUR OWN BUILDING-- THE VERY AGENCY THAT'S RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR NATION'S SECURITY-- I'D BE LAUGHED RIGHT OUT OF THE BUSINESS.
- CAN I MAKE A SUGGESTION, CHIEF? - WHAT IS IT? DON'T CANCEL THE CONFERENCE.
MAX, I WANT YOU TO GIVE THE CONFERENCE ROOM A COMPLETE EXAMINATION.
WELL, I'LL NEED SOME SPECIAL EQUIPMENT FOR THAT, CHIEF.
GET IT FROM THE LAB.
BUT, MAX, REMEMBER-- CLASS "A" SECURITY.
DON'T LET WINDISH KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
CHIEF, YOU DON'T MEAN THAT PROFESSOR WINDISH-- MAX, THAT MEETING THIS AFTERNOON IS VITAL TO OUR COUNTRY.
THOSE SIX MEN MUST BE PROTECTED.
ONE MAN WITH AN ORDINARY GUN-- SIX BULLETS-- COULD DESTROY THE HOPES OF THE FREE WORLD.
WELL, THEN NO ONE IS ABOVE SUSPICION.
FOR THE TIME BEING, YOU ARE THE ONLY MAN I CAN TRUST.
WELL, CHIEF, I CERTAINLY APPRECIATE YOUR TAKING ME INTO YOUR CONFIDENCE LIKE THIS.
MAX, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE IN WHOM WE MUST HAVE FAITH.
WELL, I CERTAINLY AM GLAD YOU FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT ME.
MAX, I THINK I KNOW YOU WELL ENOUGH TO SAY I TRUST YOU COMPLETELY.
THIS IS IT, ONE OF THE MOST INCREDIBLE OF MY MANY INCREDIBLE INVENTIONS.
OH, PROFESSOR, IT'S BEAUTIFUL! THANK YOU, MY DEAR.
INTO PERFECTING IT-- THE WORLD'S FIRST ELECTRO-RETROGRESSOR GUN.
JUST THINK OF IT, 99.
AT LAST, AT LAST, AN ACTUAL WORKING ELECTRO-RETROGRESSOR GUN.
- ONE THING, PROFESSOR.
- WHAT? JUST WHAT IS AN ELECTRO-RETROGRESSOR GUN? AIM IT, PRESS THE TRIGGER ( buzzes ) THE VICTIM RECEIVES ONE SECOND OF THIS RAY; HE'LL BE TEMPORARILY INCAPABLE OF THINKING BEYOND THE LEVEL OF AN EIGHT-YEAR-OLD.
- EVEN ADULTS? - ANYONE.
THE MOST BRILLIANT MIND RETROGRESSES TO THE AGE OF EIGHT.
AMAZING! YES, I AM.
LET'S PUT IT AWAY NOW.
THERE ARE SOME MINOR ADJUSTMENTS THAT I WANT TO MAKE, BUT THEY CAN WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW.
ALMA, UNLOCK THE CABINET.
HENRY, TAKE THE GUN.
- BE CAREFUL NOW.
- YES, PROFESSOR.
CAREFUL, CAREFUL.
WHAT DO YOU THINK WE NEED FOR THE CONFERENCE ROOM? WELL, I'D LIKE TO USE THE MAGIC EAR LISTENING DEVICE.
OH, YES.
AND WHAT ABOUT THE POCKET DISINTEGRATOR IN CASE WE HAVE TO TAKE APART SOMETHING THAT'S SOLID? GOOD IDEA, 99, UH, BUT LET ME ASK.
I DON'T WANT - THE PROFESSOR TO KNOW WHAT WE'RE USING THEM FOR.
- OKAY.
OH, WINDISH? - PROFESSOR? PROFESSOR? - YES, SMART? PROFESSOR, I'D LIKE TO BORROW SOME OF YOUR EQUIPMENT.
I WONDER IF YOU'D MIND IF I USED YOUR POCKET DISINTEGRATOR PEN AND YOUR MAGIC EAR LISTENING DEVICE FOR A FEW HOURS.
- WHAT FOR? - WELL, I'D LIKE TO TELL YOU, PROFESSOR, BUT IT'S ALL PRETTY TOP SECRET.
OH, THESE ARE NOT TOYS, 86.
I'M AFRAID THAT YOU'LL NEED A REQUISITION FOR THEM.
UM, PROFESSOR, I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT IT WOULD BE SUCH FUN TO SEE HOW THOSE DEVICES WORK.
OH YEAH?WELL OH.
Windish: THERE WE ARE.
JUST BRING THEM BACK WHEN YOU'RE THROUGH, MY DEAR.
OH, THANK YOU, PROFESSOR.
OH, ANYTHING FOR THE SERVICE.
COMING, 86? NOTHING HERE, MAX.
NOTHING HERE EITHER, 99.
I THINK WE'D BETTER USE THE MAGIC EAR.
- HOW DOES THAT WORK? - WELL, IT'S REALLY QUITE SIMPLE.
SEE, THIS PART FITS OVER THE EAR.
NOW TAKE THE CONTROL AND TURN THE INDICATOR TO ONE.
- RIGHT.
- NOW WATCH THIS.
I TAKE A HAIR FROM MY HEAD.
NOW LISTEN TO WHAT HAPPENS WHEN IT HITS THE TABLE.
( crash ) WOW, THAT'S REALLY INGENIOUS.
YES, AND THAT'S ONLY AT HALF VOLUME.
WELL, I THINK I'D BETTER GIVE THE WALLS A QUICK CHECK.
I DON'T SEEM TO BE GETTING ANYTHING.
I THINK YOU'D BETTER TURN THE VOLUME UP TO FULL.
RIGHT.
SORRY.
MA-- NOW IF THERE'S ANYTHING MECHANICAL OR ELECTRICAL IN THESE WALLS, THE MAGIC EAR WILL PICK UP THE NOISE.
UH-OH.
WHAT'S THAT? I DON'T KNOW.
LOOK AT THE CONTROL AND SEE WHAT THE INDICATOR SAYS.
IT'S POINTING TO "ELECTRICAL.
" ELECTRICAL, EH? WELL, IT COULD BE A BOMB WITH AN ELECTRICAL TIMING DEVICE.
WE'D BETTER USE THE DISINTEGRATOR.
DON'T YOU THINK WE'D BETTER CHECK IT OUT WITH THE CHIEF? NO TIME FOR THAT.
THAT BOMB'S LIABLE TO GO OFF AT ANY MOMENT.
I'VE GOTTA TAKE THIS DISINTEGRATOR AND CUT THROUGH THAT WALL - AND SEE WHAT'S MAKING THAT NOISE.
- WHAT'S BEHIND THAT WALL? I DON'T KNOW.
IT MIGHT BE THE SUPPLY ROOM, THE CHIEF'S OFFICE OR THE OUTSIDE OF THE BUILDING.
BE CAREFUL, MAX.
( shaver buzzing ) IT'S THE CHIEF'S OFFICE.
HI, CHIEF.
UH, SORRY ABOUT THIS.
( chuckles ) I SEE YOU'RE SHAVING.
MISSED A LITTLE SPOT RIGHT THERE.
WELL, CHIEF, NO PROBLEM SO FAR.
WE'VE GOT THE CONFERENCE ROOM COMPLETELY SAFE AND SEALED OFF.
EXCELLENT.
I THINK WE'VE TAKEN EVERY PRECAUTION.
BUT THE MAGENTA ALERT IS STILL ON.
YES, WELL, WE ALL APPRECIATE YOUR CONCERN, CHIEF, BUT I THINK YOU CAN RELAX FOR A WHILE.
AS AGENT IN CHARGE OF INTERNAL SECURITY, I CAN GIVE YOU MY PERSONAL ASSURANCE THAT EVERYTHING IS UNDER PERFECT CONTROL.
( alarm blaring ) UH, WOULD YOU SETTLE FOR ALMOST PERFECT? HODGKINS, WHO THREW THE ALARM? It came from the laboratory, sir.
- Are you there, Chief? - WHAT IS IT, WINDISH? Someone has stolen my retrogressor gun.
PROFESSOR, DIDN'T YOU HAVE IT LOCKED UP? Yes, I did.
But I wanted to do some work on one of the mechanisms.
I just started to work on it when-- HOLD ON, PROFESSOR.
HODGKINS, SEAL OFF THE ENTIRE BUILDING.
PROFESSOR, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO STOLE THE GUN? Yes.
I can't believe it, but it was one of our own people.
WHO, PROFESSOR, WHO? - It was-- - ( buzzes ) I want my mommy.
Mommy, where are you, Mommy? I want my mommy.
I want my mommy.
HOW LONG WILL THE EFFECTS OF THE RETROGRESSOR GUN LAST? THERE'S NO WAY OF KNOWING, AND NOW THE PROFESSOR CAN'T TELL US.
HIS MIND IS THE MIND OF AN EIGHT-YEAR-OLD CHILD.
AN ENEMY AGENT IN OUR MIDST AND HE HAS THE RETROGRESSOR GUN.
WE'VE GOT TO FIND THAT GUN, CHIEF.
START WITH EVERY AGENT ON DUTY OUTSIDE THE BUILDING.
FIND OUT IF ANYONE HAS LEFT THE BUILDING IN THE LAST FEW MINUTES.
WE'VE GOT ONLY TWO HOURS UNTIL THAT CONFERENCE STARTS.
RIGHT, CHIEF.
HOW MANY AGENTS HAVE WE CHECKED OUT SO FAR? ALL CLEAR EXCEPT AGENT 17.
HOLD IT.
( organ grinder playing ) RECOGNIZE HIM? YES, THAT'S AGENT 17.
WOW, WHAT A DISGUISE.
SHOULD WE QUESTION HIM? NO, NOT NOW.
THE ORGAN GRINDER IS WATCHING HIM TOO CLOSELY.
MAX, IF NONE OF OUR AGENTS ON THE OUTSIDE SAW ANYONE LEAVING THE BUILDING, THAT MEANS WHOEVER STOLE THE RETROGRESSOR GUN IS STILL IN HERE.
YES, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WAS THINKING, 99.
AND THAT MEANS THAT THE THIEF IS PROBABLY - PLANNING TO USE IT ON THE DELEGATES.
- OR US.
MAX, YOU'RE IN DANGER.
SO ARE YOU, 99.
OH, MAX.
- ( alarm ringing ) - OH, WHAT'S THAT? IT'S THE CHIEF'S OFFICE.
COME ON.
CHIEF, HAS SOMETHING HAPPENED TO YOU? - CHIEF.
- I WANNA GO OUT AND PLAY.
OH, NO.
THEY GOT HIM TOO.
WELL, AT LEAST THE PROFESSOR WILL HAVE SOMEONE TO PLAY WITH.
OH, MAX, THERE'S NO ONE IN CHARGE.
WHO'S GOING TO TAKE OVER? - I AM.
- OH.
- 99.
- YES.
TAKE THE CHIEF DOWN TO THE INFIRMARY.
- I WANNA GO OUT AND PLAY.
- COME ON, CHIEF, COME ON.
HODGKINS, GET IN HERE RIGHT AWAY.
- 99.
- YES.
I WANT A COMPLETE CHECK ON EVERY AGENT WHO'S BEEN ON DUTY IN THIS BUILDING - FOR THE PAST 24 HOURS.
- RIGHT.
NOW HEAR THIS: THIS IS AN EMERGENCY.
NO ONE WILL LEAVE THIS BUILDING.
I REPEAT, NO ONE WILL LEAVE THIS BUILDING.
- HODGKINS! - AHEM.
OH.
HODGKINS, I WANT THE OFFICER RESPONSIBLE FOR INTERNAL SECURITY IN HERE ON THE DOUBLE.
YOU'RE THE INTERNAL SECURITY OFFICER.
FAST WORK, HODGKINS.
NOW I WANT A COMPLETE CHANGE OF PERSONNEL ON THE ENTRANCES AND EXITS.
RELAY ALL CALLS THROUGH THIS OFFICE.
( phones ringing ) NOT SO FAST, PLEASE.
UH, CAN YOU HOLD ON FOR A SECOND? UH, I'LL BE WITH YOU IN A MINUTE.
ARE YOU STILL THERE? UH, LISTEN, I'LL HAVE TO CALL YOU BACK LATER YEAH.
UH, CORRECTION.
CORRECTION: NO CALLS WILL BE RELAYED THROUGH THIS OFFICE.
CODE ROOM.
( whirring ) CODE ROOM, I WANT NEW PASSWORDS AND COUNTERSIGNS.
RADIO COMMUNICATIONS WILL BE TRANSFERRED TO EMERGENCY FREQUENCY.
I WANT ALL AGENTS ON THE OUTSIDE BROUGHT INSIDE.
I WANT ALL AGENTS ON THE INSIDE BROUGHT OUTSIDE.
MAX!MAX! MAX, THE DELEGATES HAVE JUST ARRIVED.
THEY'RE ON THEIR WAY TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM.
THEY'VE ALREADY PASSED EXTERNAL SECURITY.
- SAY WHAT? - THE DELEGATES, THEY'VE ALREADY ARRIVED.
THEY'RE ON THEIR WAY TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM.
THE MEETING BEGINS IN FIVE MINUTES, MAX! YOU DON'T HAVE TO SHOUT, 99.
I CAN HEAR YOU.
THEY MUSTN'T FIND OUT ABOUT THE CHIEF.
I'VE GOTTA GO DOWN TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM AND LET THEM IN.
HODGKINS, TAKE OVER.
- COME ON, 99.
- RIGHT.
GENTLEMEN, AS OFFICER IN CHARGE OF INTERNAL SECURITY HERE, IT IS MY PLEASURE TO WELCOME YOU AND TO ASSURE YOU THAT YOUR CONFERENCE WILL BE SAFE AND PLEASANT.
THE CHIEF WOULD HAVE BEEN HERE HIMSELF TO WELCOME YOU, BUT I'M SURE THAT HE'LL JOIN US, UH, AS SOON AS HE'S HAD HIS NAP.
HIS NAP? UH, N.
A.
P.
NATIONAL AREA PROGRAM REPORTS.
WELL, IN THE MEANTIME IT WILL BE MY PLEASURE TO UNLOCK THE CONFERENCE ROOM DOOR AND LET YOU GENTLEMEN GET ON WITH YOUR WORK.
I SHALL BE IN CHARGE OF SECURITY DURING THE ENTIRE CONFERENCE.
UH, AS YOU'LL NOTICE, THIS IS A GOOD FIRM, SOLID DOOR.
IT'S PRACTICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO GET INTO THIS CONFERENCE ROOM.
HOWEVER, I HAVE A PLAN.
I HAVE AN ALTERNATE PLAN.
RIGHT THIS WAY, GENTLEMEN.
AND I'D APPRECIATE IT IF YOU'D HURRY.
IT'S A LITTLE DRAFTY OUT HERE.
ARE YOU HAVING A LITTLE TROUBLE, 86? UH, NO, 99.
I'M JUST TRYING TO GET THE KEY OUT OF THE LOCK.
I WONDER WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU PUSHED THE KEY IN AND THEN TURNED IT.
IF YOU DON'T MIND, 99, I'D LIKE TO HANDLE THIS MYSELF.
YOU SEE, I'M JUST GONNA PUSH THE KEY IN AND TURN IT.
ALL OVER FOR YOU.
- WHAT IS IT, RADCHECK.
- TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
- WHAT IS IT? - CLAY, THE KIND THAT'S USED FOR MAKING IMPRESSIONS OF LOCKS.
- WHERE DID YOU FIND IT? - IN ALMA SUTTON'S PURSE.
ALMA SUTTON? YOUR COWORKER? I'VE SUSPECTED HER FOR A LONG TIME.
SHE'S IN THE LAB RIGHT NOW.
RADCHECK, YOU STAY HERE AND GUARD THE CONFERENCE.
- 99, WE'LL GO GET ALMA.
- RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT, ALMA-- DID YOU COME DOWN TO PLAY WITH ME? OOH, I LOVE TO JUMP ROPE.
NEXT TO WATCHING "CAPTAIN KANGAROO" ON TELEVISION I LOVE JUMPING ROPE THE BEST.
SHE'S BEEN HIT BY THE RETROGRESSOR GUN TOO.
IT'S NOT HER.
AND IF IT'S NOT HER, THEN IT'S GOT TO BE RADCHECK.
AND I LEFT HIM GUARDING THE MEETING.
- COME ON.
- OH! WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? RADCHECK, YOU'RE UNDER ARREST.
YOU'RE A SPY, A TRAITOR AND A DOUBLE-DEALER.
YOU MIGHT AS WELL CONFESS.
I'M COMPLETELY INNOCENT! THAT'S A GOOD START.
OKAY, 99, I THINK WE CAN START WITH THE INTERROGATION NOW.
CHECK, 86.
OKAY, RADCHECK, START TALKING.
- 99: WHO PAYS YOU? - WHO DO YOU REPORT TO? - WHOM.
- WHOM? LOOK, I'LL TELL YOU EVERYTHING.
JUST A MINUTE, RADCHECK.
ARE YOU SURE IT'S WHOM, 99? OH YEAH, I THINK SO, BECAUSE WHOM IS THE OBJECTIVE, YOU SEE, - AND IF YOU HAVE A PREPOSITION-- - I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE A STATEMENT.
WHO DO YOU REPORT TO? WHOM DO YOU REPORT TO? IT'S WHOM.
IT IS?OH.
WELL, THEN IN THAT CASE PERHAPS YOU CAN TELL US WHOM HAD ACCESS TO THE RETROGRESSOR? I TELL YOU IT WAS ALMA SUTTON.
DON'T BE RIDICULOUS, RADCHECK.
YOU'VE TURNED ALMA SUTTON INTO AN EIGHT-YEAR-OLD CHILD WHO WANTS NOTHING MORE THAN TO WATCH "CAPTAIN KANGAROO.
" - "CAPTAIN KANGAROO.
" - WHAT IS IT, MAX? OR COURSE, THAT'S IT! WHY DIDN'T I SEE IT BEFORE? UNLOCK HIM, 99.
WELL, ALMA, ARE YOU STILL AN EIGHT-YEAR-OLD OR HAVE YOU DECIDED TO ACT YOUR AGE? HOW DID YOU FIND OUT? WELL, YOU HAD ME FOOLED FOR A WHILE, BUT YOU MADE ONE LITTLE MISTAKE.
WHEN YOU SAID THAT YOU WATCH "CAPTAIN KANGAROO," I REALIZED THAT IF YOU'D ACTUALLY BEEN SHOT BY THE RETROGRESSOR GUN YOU COULD NOT POSSIBLY HAVE SEEN THAT SHOW, BECAUSE "CAPTAIN KANGAROO" WAS NOT ON WHEN YOU WERE EIGHT YEARS OLD.
VERY CLEVER, MR.
SMART, BUT YOU ALSO MADE ONE LITTLE MISTAKE.
- OH? WHAT WAS THAT? - COMING HERE.
THE DOOR TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM IS LOCKED.
I WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ABLE TO GET IN, BUT NOW THAT YOU'RE HERE WITH THE KEY ALMA, YOU WANT TO GET INTO THAT CONFERENCE ROOM? JUST GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON WHY I SHOULD LET YOU IN.
HERE'S ONE.
YOU WANT TO TRY FOR TWO OUT OF THREE? OPEN THE DOOR, SMART.
ALL RIGHT, ALMA.
JUST THINK OF IT, 86, IN JUST A FEW MINUTES SIX OF THE GREATEST SCIENTISTS IN THE WHOLE WORLD WILL BE RUNNING AROUND THE ROOM PLAYING HOPSCOTCH.
- ALMA-- - QUIET.
TURN AROUND.
PUT YOUR HANDS UP.
YOU'RE NEXT.
( buzzing ) BANG BANG.
OKAY, ALMA, YOU'D BETTER COME ALONG WITH YOUR UNCLE MAX.
LITTLE GIRLS LIKE YOU BELONG IN JAIL.
I'LL GO IF YOU'LL SKIP WITH ME.
IT WAS AN AMAZING EXPERIENCE, MAX.
SIMPLY AMAZING.
YES, WELL, THANK YOU, CHIEF.
I'M GLAD YOU'RE ALL RIGHT NOW.
- DID I GIVE YOU ANY TROUBLE? - NO, AS A MATTER OF FACT, YOU WERE A DELIGHTFUL CHILD.
THANK YOU.
WHAT ABOUT PROFESSOR WINDISH? OH, HE CAME OUT OF IT ABOUT AN HOUR AGO.
YES, AND I UNDERSTAND HE'S GOING TO DESTROY THE RETROGRESSOR GUN.
WHY? WELL, APPARENTLY HE HAD A ROTTEN CHILDHOOD.
WELL, YOU BOTH DID A REMARKABLE JOB.
I HAVE A LITTLE SURPRISE FOR YOU.
WHAT'S THAT, CHIEF? BECAUSE OF THE EXCELLENCE OF YOUR WORK IN PROTECTING THOSE MEN IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM, WE'VE DECIDED TO GIVE YOU THIS CERTIFICATE OF MERITORIOUS SERVICE.
OH, GOSH, CHIEF, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
DON'T SAY ANYTHING, MAX.
JUST READ IT OVER AND THEN DESTROY IT.
DESTROY IT? THIS IS A SECRET ORGANIZATION.
OH.
( theme music playing )