Get Smart (1965) s01e20 Episode Script
All in the Mind
( papers rustling ) ( door opens ) - MISS SLOAN? - OH, DR.
BRAAM.
I WAS JUST CATCHING UP ON SOME LAST-MINUTE FILING, THE TRANSCRIPTS FROM TODAY'S PATIENTS.
SUCH DILIGENCE DESERVES TO BE REWARDED.
I CAN DO IT IN THE MORNING.
GOOD NIGHT, DOCTOR.
GOOD NIGHT.
ADMIRAL WEIFER'S FILE.
SO THAT'S IT.
WHAT A PITY.
TAKE CARE OF HER, GEORGE.
( phone rings ) - HELLO.
- ( ringing continues ) - HELLO.
- ( ringing continues ) HELLO.
( ringing continues ) HELLO.
( ringing continues ) HELLO.
IS THIS MAXWELL SMART THE SECRET AGENT? YES, THIS IS MAXWELL SMART.
BUT WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'M A SECRET AGENT? I LIVE IN YOUR APARTMENT HOUSE, MR.
SMART, AND ONCE I SAW YOU TALKING INTO YOUR SHOE.
WHO IS THIS? MY NAME IS JOANNA SLOAN AND I HAVE SOME INFORMATION THAT SHOULD BE VITAL TO OUR GOVERNMENT.
I'M A SECRETARY TO DR.
MYRON BRAAM, THE PSYCHIATRIST.
WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, MISS SLOAN, BUT I'M HANDLING MY PROBLEMS PRETTY WELL.
NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I HAVE REASON TO BELIEVE THAT A SECRET ORGANIZATION CALLED KAOS IS RECEIVING INFORMATION-- ( water rushing ) MR.
SMART, THEY'RE TRYING TO DROWN ME! WELL OF COURSE THEY'RE TR-- THEY'RE TRYING TO DROWN YOU? WHERE ARE YOU? I'M IN A PHONE BOOTH IN THE HANCOCK BUILDING! YOU'RE DROWNING IN A PHONE BOOTH? MR.
SMART, THE PHONE BOOTH'S FILLING UP WITH WATER! WELL WHY DON'T YOU LEAVE AND CALL ME FROM ANOTHER BOOTH? I CAN'T GET OUT! IT'S LOCKED! NOW LOOK, MISS SLOAN, I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE OR WHAT YOUR LITTLE GAME IS BUT I DO KNOW THIS MUCH-- NOBODY CAN DROWN IN A PHONE BOOTH.
MISS SLOAN? MISS SLOAN? ( clicking phone cradle ) Operator: Yes sir? OPERATOR, I'VE BEEN CUT OFF.
Sorry, sir.
Your party has been drowned.
( theme music playing ) YOUR EMERGENCY REPORT LAST NIGHT HAS BEEN CORROBORATED TO SOME EXTENT, 86.
A MISS JOANNA SLOAN WAS FOUND DROWNED-- IN A RIVER.
BUT I'M TELLING YOU, CHIEF, SHE WAS DROWNED IN A PHONE BOOTH.
MAX, BE REASONABLE.
HOW COULD A GIRL DROWN IN A PHONE BOOTH? HOW DO I KNOW? MAYBE SHE COULDN'T SWIM.
MAX, FORGET THE PHONE BOOTH.
YOU REPORTED THAT MISS SLOAN MENTIONED A POSSIBLE LINK BETWEEN HER EMPLOYER AND KAOS.
WHAT WAS THE MAN'S NAME? MAYBE WE HAVE SOMETHING ON HIM IN OUR OMNIFILE.
WAIT A MINUTE NOW, CHIEF.
I THINK IT WAS JAAM.
THAT'S IT-- DR.
JAAM.
JAAM, CHIEF.
THAT'S WITH A "J.
" "J.
" JAAM, JAAM ON THE OTHER HAND, IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN "SHAAM.
" NO, MAYBE IT WAS "USHAAM.
" NO, I THINK IT WAS "BRAAM.
" "BRAAM"? OH, HERE IT IS.
DR.
MYRON BRAAM.
ON THE OTHER HAND IT COULD HAVE BEEN "CRAAM.
" MAX! SORRY ABOUT THAT, CHIEF.
DR.
MYRON BRAAM.
HE'S ONE OF WASHINGTON'S TOP PSYCHIATRISTS.
IF HE'S BEEN GETTING CLASSIFIED DATA FROM GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS AND PASSING IT ON TO KAOS-- IT COULD DESTROY OUR NATIONAL SECURITY.
WELL, HOW ARE WE GOING TO PROCEED, CHIEF? I HAVE A PLAN.
THIS IS STEP ONE.
OH, DR.
BRAAM, THIS IS GENERAL McFARLAND AT THE PENTAGON.
WHAT I'M ABOUT TO SAY TO YOU IS CONFIDENTIAL INFORMATION, OF COURSE.
WE HAVE AN OFFICER IN OUR SPECIAL WEAPONS BRANCH NAMED COLONEL SMART.
HE'S BEEN ACTING IN A VERY DISTURBED MANNER LATELY AND IT'S SEVERELY AFFECTING HIS WORK.
Would you be able to see him later? YES, I CAN SEE HIM AFTER MY LAST PATIENT TONIGHT.
TELL HIM TO BE HERE AROUND 6:00.
THE BUILDING WILL BE LOCKED, BUT THE JANITOR CAN LET HIM IN.
Thank you, Doctor.
FORGIVE ME, ADMIRAL.
LET'S SEE NOW AH, YES.
YOU WERE TELLING ME YOU FELT VERY GUILTY ABOUT THE THIRD FLEET.
Admiral: YES WITHOUT ANY WARNING TO THE FAMILIES OF THE CREW I HAD TO ORDER THE THIRD FLEET TO THE MEDITERRANEAN.
- NOW HERE IS STEP TWO-- - WAIT A MINUTE, CHIEF.
THERE'S JUST ONE QUESTION I WOULD LIKE TO ASK.
YES? WHO IS THIS COLONEL SMART? I DON'T BELIEVE I KNOW HIM.
MAX, YOU'RE COLONEL SMART.
OH.
I AM? YES.
NOW, MAX, I WANT YOU TO GO TO DR.
BRAAM AND POSE AS A DISTURBED ARMY OFFICER.
AS YOUR WIFE.
NOW YOU ARE TO KEEP DR.
BRAAM BUSY WHILE SHE'S SEARCHING THROUGH HIS FILES IN THE OUTER OFFICE.
OH, I GET IT.
AND THEN WHILE HE'S TALKING TO HER I'LL BE SEARCHING HIS DESK IN THE INNER OFFICE.
EXACTLY.
NOW, MAX, THIS IS A DIFFICULT ASSIGNMENT.
YOU'VE GOT TO CONVINCE THE DOCTOR THAT YOU'RE EMOTIONALLY DISTURBED.
NOW JUST A MINUTE.
THERE'S A LOT OF THINGS I'D DO FOR CONTROL, CHIEF, BUT THIS IS A LITTLE OUT OF THE QUESTION.
86, THIS IS AN ORDER.
NOW I WANT YOU TO GET IN TOUCH WITH DR.
STUEBEN IN OUR PSYCHOLOGICAL WARFARE LAB.
HE MAY BE ABLE TO GIVE YOU A FEW IDEAS ON HOW A REALLY DISTURBED PERSON MIGHT ACT.
WELL, ALL RIGHT.
BUT HONESTLY, CHIEF CAN YOU PICTURE ME AS A MENTAL PATIENT? ( knock on door ) - DR, STUEBEN? - YES.
YOU MUST BE 86.
SIT DOWN, PLEASE.
THE CHIEF ASKED ME TO PREPARE YOU FOR THE KIND OF QUESTIONS YOU MIGHT BE ASKED BY DR.
BRAAM-- SO THAT YOU WILL BE ABLE TO MAINTAIN YOUR COVER.
ARE YOU A PSYCHOLOGIST, DR.
STUEBEN? I'M THE PRESIDENT OF THE PSYCHOLOGISTS' SOCIETY FOR MENTAL HEALTH AND ADJUSTMENT THROUGH FULFILLMENT.
AND WHAT KIND OF AN ORGANIZATION IS THAT? WE'RE A HATE GROUP.
A HATE GROUP? IN THE SENSE THAT WE CURE HATE AND FEAR.
WE HATE HATE.
HATE IT.
NOW, MR.
SMART, I'M GONNA SEE YOUR RESPONSES TO A WORD ASSOCIATION TEST.
I'M GOING TO SAY A WORD AND THEN YOU'LL RESPOND WITH THE FIRST WORD THAT COMES INTO YOUR MIND.
ARE YOU READY? - BOY.
- GIRL.
- BLACK.
- WHITE.
- WIN.
- LOSE.
- VERY GOOD.
- VERY BAD.
- STOP! - GO.
- NO NO! - YES YES.
ALL RIGHT! ALL WRONG.
NOW, MR.
SMART, I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU SOME INKBLOTS ON THESE CHARTS HERE AND I WANT YOU TO TELL ME WHAT THEY REMIND YOU OF.
ARE YOU READY? A MAN AND A WOMAN HUGGING.
HMM.
NEXT.
ANOTHER MAN AND A WOMAN HUGGING.
NEXT.
A MAN AND A WOMAN KISSING.
MR.
SMART, YOU SEEM TO SHOW A DEFINITE PREOCCUPATION WITH MEN AND WOMEN HUGGING AND KISSING.
ME?! YOU'RE THE ONE WITH THE WEIRD PICTURE COLLECTION! NOW FOR OUR FINAL TEST.
SIT OVER HERE, WILL YOU PLEASE? THIS IS A TEST THAT MEASURES YOUR TOLERANCE TO DISTRACTION.
AS YOU CAN SEE, THESE WOODEN PEGS FIT INTO THE HOLES ON THIS BOARD.
NOW FIRST YOU'RE GOING TO INSERT THE PEGS IN THE HOLES AND THERE WILL BE NO DISTRACTIONS.
THAT'S SIMPLE ENOUGH, ISN'T IT? THAT SEEMS FAIRLY SIMPLE.
AH, BUT THEN YOU'LL DO IT AGAIN AND THE SECOND TIME YOU'LL HEAR A SYMPHONY PLAYING IN ONE EAR, A VOICE SPEAKING TO YOU IN THE OTHER AND THERE'LL BE A BRIGHT LIGHT FLASHING IN YOUR EYES.
BUT FIRST WE'LL TIME YOU WITHOUT ANY DISTRACTIONS.
- ARE YOU READY? - MM-HMM.
- GO! - ( timer ticking ) DOES THAT THING HAVE TO BE TICKING? I CAN'T THINK WITH THAT THING TICKING.
BUT THAT'S THE TIMER.
IS THERE A WINDOW SHADE FLAPPING IN HERE SOMEWHERE? I CAN'T CONCENTRATE WITH ALL THESE DISTRACTIONS.
DOC, THESE THINGS JUST DON'T FIT IN THE HOLES.
CAN'T I FORCE THEM IN? OF COURSE YOU CAN'T FORCE THEM.
THIS IS CHILDISHLY SIMPLE.
SEE?HERE.
WAIT A MINUTE.
THE SQUARES ARE MINE.
YOU USE THE ROUND ONES.
WAIT A MINUTE.
I THINK I'LL USE THE ROUND ONES.
YOU USE THE SQUARES.
( whistling ) WILL YOU STOP THAT WHISTLING? I CAN'T CONCENTRATE! AH, YOU MUST BE COLONEL SMART.
I TOLD YOU THIS WAS THE OFFICE.
THIS IS MY WIFE.
- HOW DO YOU DO? - HELLO.
- I WANTED TO COME ALONE, BUT SHE WOULDN'T LET ME.
- HA! I HAD TO DRIVE HIM HERE.
HE'S TERRIFIED BEHIND THE WHEEL.
IT'S NOT THAT.
IT'S JUST THAT I'VE BEEN HAVING A LITTLE TROUBLE WITH MY DRIVER'S TEST.
ALMOST PASSED IT THE LAST TIME.
JUST MADE ONE LITTLE MISTAKE-- SLAMMED THE DOOR ON THE INSTRUCTOR'S HAND.
- WOULD YOU MIND WAITING FOR US OUT HERE? - NOT AT ALL.
COME ALONG, COLONEL.
WE'LL GO INSIDE.
SIT DOWN, COLONEL.
YOU REALIZE OF COURSE, DOCTOR, THAT THIS IS QUITE EMBARRASSING FOR ME, I MEAN, HAVING TO CALL ON A PSYCHIATRIST.
NONSENSE, COLONEL.
MEN LIKE YOURSELF, RESPONSIBLE MEN IN OUR GOVERNMENT, - MAKE UP THE BULK OF MY PRACTICE.
- YOU DON'T SAY.
DO YOU REALIZE THAT A HIGH-RANKING AMERICAN OFFICIAL BREAKS DOWN EVERY DAY? MY GOODNESS.
HOW DOES HE STAND IT? NOW I USUALLY FIND IT MORE HELPFUL WITH MY PATIENTS IF WE USE THE COUCH.
- DO YOU MIND? - CERTAINLY NOT, DOCTOR.
MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE.
NO, NOT ME.
FOR YOU, COLONEL.
OH.
YES, OF COURSE.
NOW COLONEL, THIS IS PROBABLY THE FIRST TIME YOU'VE EVER HAD A PSYCHIATRIC EXAMINATION, - RIGHT? - WRONG.
- WRONG? - RIGHT.
- RIGHT? - LEFT.
- PLEASE.
- THANK YOU.
- COLONEL-- - MAJOR.
NOW, COLONEL, TELL ME, WHAT IS REALLY DISTURBING YOU? WELL, DOCTOR, YOU SEE, I KEEP GETTING THESE FANTASTIC DREAMS.
OH? TELL ME ABOUT THEM.
WELL, IT'S ALWAYS THE SAME DREAM.
I DREAM THAT I AM SECRETARY OF THE ARMY AND I'M SITTING IN THE PRESIDENT'S OFFICE AND WORD COMES THAT ALL OF MY MEN HAVE BEEN CAPTURED.
AND IN A FLASH I REALIZE THAT I'M OUT OF A JOB.
WELL, PEOPLE OFTEN DREAM OF HAVING GREAT POWER.
I MYSELF FREQUENTLY DREAM THAT I AM A RULER OF A LATIN AMERICAN COUNTRY.
DO YOU NEED A SECRETARY OF THE ARMY? A GREAT MANY MEN WHO BEAR A GRAVE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR NATION'S SAFETY FIND THE BURDEN TOO GREAT AT TIMES.
NOW MANY OF MY PATIENTS FIND CERTAIN RELIEF BY SHARING THESE BURDENS WITH THEIR PSYCHIATRIST.
YOU REALLY THINK THAT WILL HELP, DOCTOR? I KNOW IT WOULD.
NOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO TELL ME ABOUT YOUR WORK? ALL RIGHT, DOCTOR.
YOU KNOW, I'M WITH MISSILE RESEARCH AND WE JUST SENT A ROCKET UP YESTERDAY.
- IS THAT SO? - YES.
DO YOU KNOW, DOCTOR, THAT THAT ROCKET REACHED A MAXIMUM SPEED OF 185,000 MILES PER HOUR? FANTASTIC! AT WHAT STAGE DID IT REACH THAT SPEED? JUST BEFORE IT CRASHED.
WHERE WAS THAT? DOWNTOWN ALBUQUERQUE.
I SEE.
HOW VERY UNFORTUNATE.
YES, AND I'D APPRECIATE IT IF YOU WOULDN'T MENTION IT, DOCTOR.
YOU KNOW HOW THE PRESS IS-- GET AHOLD OF SOMETHING LIKE THIS, RIGHT AWAY THEY'LL TRY TO MAKE SOMETHING OUT OF IT.
I HAVE A FEELING THE PUBLIC WILL FIND OUT SOONER OR LATER, THOUGH.
WHY IS THAT? IT WAS TELEVISED.
I SEE.
IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE? LET ME SEE YES, DOCTOR.
YOU SEE, I'M WORKING ON A TOP SECRET SPACE VEHICLE OF MY OWN.
WHAT IS THIS SPACE VEHICLE? GOSSAMER WINGS.
GOSSAMER WINGS? A TRIP TO THE MOON ON GOSSAMER WINGS.
AND WHAT HAPPENED? IT WAS JUST ONE OF THOSE THINGS.
- COLONEL SMART-- - ( file drawer bumps ) EXCUSE ME.
I MUST SEE WHAT'S GOING ON OUT THERE.
I'LL BET THAT'S MY WIFE.
SHE HAS A CLEANING FETISH! MRS.
SMART.
YOUR FILES ARE FILTHY.
I APOLOGIZE FOR THE CONDITION OF MY FILES, MRS.
SMART, BUT I LOST MY SECRETARY ONLY YESTERDAY.
THAT WAS VERY CARELESS OF YOU.
NO DOUBT.
NOW WOULD YOU MIND SITTING DOWN? ( sighs ) AND YOUR CHAIR IS DUSTY.
PLEASE RELAX, MRS.
SMART.
I MUST GET BACK TO MY PATIENT.
Admiral: I had to order the Third Fleet to the Mediterranean.
IS MY WIFE ALL RIGHT? YES, COLONEL SMART, IF THAT'S REALLY YOUR NAME.
YOUR WIFE'S ALL RIGHT.
BUT I'M AFRAID YOU'RE NOT.
- MARKOVICH? - Yes, sir? THE YOUNG WOMAN IN THE FRONT OFFICE-- BRING HER IN HERE.
Right.
WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS? I SAW YOU SEARCHING MY OFFICE, COLONEL.
- THAT'S PART OF MY NEUROSIS.
- YEAH? WELL, IT'S A NEUROSIS THAT YOU'LL NEVER LIVE TO CURE.
THERE'S NO ONE OUT HERE.
WELL, THE BUILDING'S LOCKED.
SHE CAN'T GET AWAY.
WE'LL TAKE CARE OF THE COLONEL FIRST, THEN WE'LL GET THE GIRL.
DR.
BRAAM, YOU'RE A SICK MAN.
MAX, IN HERE.
THEY'RE BOTH IN THE PHONE BOOTH.
HOW CONVENIENT.
GOOD WORK, 99.
YOU'RE A LIFESAVER.
THEY'LL NEVER THINK OF LOOKING IN HERE.
AFTER THEY'VE GONE BY WE CAN SNEAK BACK AND GET OUT A WINDOW.
RIGHT.
THERE'S NO PLACE SAFER IN THE WORLD TO HIDE THAN A PHONE BOOTH.
MAX, WATER! LET'S GO.
- 99, WE'RE LOCKED IN.
- BUT HOW? I DON'T KNOW.
THE DOORS MUST SEAL AUTOMATICALLY - WHEN THE WATER IS RELEASED.
- OH! THIS IS SOME KIND OF SHATTERPROOF GLASS.
ORDINARY PHONE BOOTH.
MAX, WHAT DO WE DO? I DON'T KNOW.
IF I HAD A GUN WE COULD BLAST OUR WAY OUT.
- I'VE GOT A GUN! - OH GOOD, GIVE IT TO ME! OH, NO, I LEFT IT IN MY PURSE IN DR.
BRAAM'S WAITING ROOM.
MAX, YOUR TELEPHONE SHOE! WE CAN CALL THE CHIEF! RIGHT! - SHORT CIRCUIT, 99.
- OH NO.
IF WE COULD ONLY CALL THE CHIEF.
WAIT.
WE'RE IN A PHONE BOOTH.
OF COURSE WE'RE-- RIGHT, 99.
ALL I HAVE IS A QUARTER.
OH, MAX, USE THE QUARTER! USE A QUARTER FOR A 10¢ PHONE CALL? AROUND LIKE THAT YOU'LL HAVE NOTHING LEFT FOR A RAINY DAY.
MAX, HURRY! OH, ALL RIGHT.
OH Operator.
HELLO, OPERATOR? NOW LISTEN TO ME AND LISTEN CAREFULLY-- I WANT YOU TO GET ME A SPECIAL WASHINGTON PHONE NUMBER.
THIS IS A TOP-SECRET NUMBER.
ONLY A FEW PEOPLE KNOW IT.
I WANT YOU TO FORGET IT THE MINUTE THAT I TELL IT TO YOU.
THE NUMBER IS 628-3097.
Oh, you want Control.
- One moment please.
- ( line ringing ) Chief: Hello? HELLO, CHIEF.
THIS IS MAX.
LISTEN, CHIEF, YOU WANT TO HEAR SOMETHING FUNNY? I'M DROWNING IN A PHONE BOOTH.
DROWNING IN A PHONE BOOTH? YES, CHIEF.
YOU SEE, WHAT I TOLD YOU ABOUT MISS SLOAN-- THAT WAS RIGHT.
SHE DIDN'T DROWN IN THE RIVER.
MAX, PLEASE TELL HIM WHERE WE ARE! OH, RIGHT, 99.
CHIEF, I THINK WE'RE GONNA NEED HELP IN A HURRY.
- WHERE ARE YOU, MAX? - UH-- Operator: I'm sorry.
Your time is up.
Insert 10¢ more, please.
BUT, OPERATOR, I DON'T HAVE ANY MORE CHANGE AND THIS IS A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH.
That's what they all say, sir.
( click ) MAX, THE WATER, IT'S RISING.
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO? TAKE BIG SWALLOWS.
LISTEN, 99, I THINK WE CAN BUY SOME TIME IF ONE OF US HELPS THE OTHER ONE UP ON THEIR SHOULDER.
- GOOD THINKING, 86.
- GIVE ME A BOOST UP.
NO, MAX, WOULDN'T IT BE BETTER IF I GOT ON YOUR SHOULDERS? RIGHT, 99, OKAY.
WHAT'S WRONG, MAX? GIVE ME A "ONE-TWO-THREE, UP.
" ( groans ) ONE-TWO-THREE, UP! NOW WHAT'S WRONG? WELL, YOUR "ONE-TWO-THREE" WAS NICE, BUT YOUR "UP" WAS A LITTLE SLOPPY.
OH, MAX, HURRY! RIGHT.
AND BE CAREFUL WITH YOUR RING, 99.
- OH, MAX! - WHAT? MY RING-- IT'S A DIAMOND! SO WHAT? ( gasps ) IT CUTS GLASS.
THAT FILING CABINET NEARLY EMPTY, MARKOVICH? JUST ABOUT, DOCTOR.
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO? I'M GOING TO GET THESE PAPERS BACK TO KAOS THEN I'M GETTING OUT OF THE COUNTRY.
WHAT ABOUT ME? YOU'LL STAY HERE, GET RID OF THE BODIES AND JOIN ME AT THE AIRPORT TONIGHT.
ANYBODY GOT A TOWEL? - SMART! - THAT'S RIGHT.
NOW JUST TAKE IT EASY, GET UP, AND RAISE YOUR HANDS.
COME ON, YOU TOO.
UP! WELL, DR.
BRAAM, IT LOOKS LIKE YOUR LITTLE GAME IS OVER.
AND SO IT MUST ALWAYS END FOR THOSE WHO USE THE HUMAN BRAIN FOR EVIL INSTEAD OF FRIENDLINESS.
HOW DID YOU GET OUT OF THAT BOOTH? AS A PSYCHIATRIST, DR.
BRAAM, YOU SHOULD HAVE REALIZED THE TYPE OF MAN YOU WERE DEALING WITH-- RESOURCEFUL, CUNNING, A MAN WHO THINKS FAST AND DOES A VERY NICE JOB UNDER PRESSURE.
I WANT TO KNOW HOW YOU GOT OUT OF THAT BOOTH.
TO CUT OUR WAY THROUGH THE GLASS OF THE BOOTH.
VERY CLEVER, SMART.
THANK YOU.
YOU SEE, DR.
BRAAM, YOU NEVER REALLY HAD A CHANCE.
BEHIND YOU STANDS THE KAOS HIGH COMMAND, BUT BEHIND ME IS THE CHIEF-- A SILENT, DEDICATED MAN WHO WOULD WILLINGLY SEND MEN TO THEIR DEATH TO OVERCOME YOU.
THERE'S JUST ONE QUESTION I'D LIKE TO ASK, DR.
BRAAM.
YEAH? AS A PSYCHIATRIST, DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HELP HIM? COME IN, MAX.
- THAT WAS GOOD WORK YOU DID LAST NIGHT.
- THANK YOU, CHIEF.
TELL ME, DID YOU FIND ANY FIRM EVIDENCE OF ESPIONAGE THAT WILL STAND UP IN COURT? I CERTAINLY DID.
WAIT TILL YOU HEAR THIS, CHIEF.
Max's voice: But behind me is the Chief-- a silent, dedicated man who would willingly send men to their death-- UH, THERE'S A LOT OF GOOD STUFF IN THERE, CHIEF.
SO I SEE.
WELL, THAT BUSINESS ABOUT SENDING MEN TO THEIR DEATH-- I DIDN'T MEAN THAT, CHIEF.
BUT YOU'RE RIGHT.
I DID NEARLY SEND YOU AND 99 TO YOUR DEATHS.
BUT THAT IS MY JOB, AND IT'S A FILTHY JOB.
I WONDER HOW IT ALL STARTED.
WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME ABOUT IT, CHIEF? WELL, I GUESS IT ALL STARTED WHEN I WAS A CHILD.
I WAS DIFFERENT SOMEHOW FROM OTHER CHILDREN-- SORT OF AN OUTCAST.
THEN I STARTED HAVING THIS RECURRING DREAM THAT I WAS SECRETARY OF THE ARMY AND I WAS IN THE PRESIDENT'S OFFICE AND WORD CAME TO ME THAT ALL MY MEN HAD BEEN CAPTURED.
IN ONE BLINDING FLASH IT CAME TO ME THAT YOU WERE OUT OF A JOB.
HOW DID YOU KNOW? I LOST MY JOB THE SAME WAY, CHIEF.
( theme music playing )
BRAAM.
I WAS JUST CATCHING UP ON SOME LAST-MINUTE FILING, THE TRANSCRIPTS FROM TODAY'S PATIENTS.
SUCH DILIGENCE DESERVES TO BE REWARDED.
I CAN DO IT IN THE MORNING.
GOOD NIGHT, DOCTOR.
GOOD NIGHT.
ADMIRAL WEIFER'S FILE.
SO THAT'S IT.
WHAT A PITY.
TAKE CARE OF HER, GEORGE.
( phone rings ) - HELLO.
- ( ringing continues ) - HELLO.
- ( ringing continues ) HELLO.
( ringing continues ) HELLO.
( ringing continues ) HELLO.
IS THIS MAXWELL SMART THE SECRET AGENT? YES, THIS IS MAXWELL SMART.
BUT WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'M A SECRET AGENT? I LIVE IN YOUR APARTMENT HOUSE, MR.
SMART, AND ONCE I SAW YOU TALKING INTO YOUR SHOE.
WHO IS THIS? MY NAME IS JOANNA SLOAN AND I HAVE SOME INFORMATION THAT SHOULD BE VITAL TO OUR GOVERNMENT.
I'M A SECRETARY TO DR.
MYRON BRAAM, THE PSYCHIATRIST.
WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, MISS SLOAN, BUT I'M HANDLING MY PROBLEMS PRETTY WELL.
NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I HAVE REASON TO BELIEVE THAT A SECRET ORGANIZATION CALLED KAOS IS RECEIVING INFORMATION-- ( water rushing ) MR.
SMART, THEY'RE TRYING TO DROWN ME! WELL OF COURSE THEY'RE TR-- THEY'RE TRYING TO DROWN YOU? WHERE ARE YOU? I'M IN A PHONE BOOTH IN THE HANCOCK BUILDING! YOU'RE DROWNING IN A PHONE BOOTH? MR.
SMART, THE PHONE BOOTH'S FILLING UP WITH WATER! WELL WHY DON'T YOU LEAVE AND CALL ME FROM ANOTHER BOOTH? I CAN'T GET OUT! IT'S LOCKED! NOW LOOK, MISS SLOAN, I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE OR WHAT YOUR LITTLE GAME IS BUT I DO KNOW THIS MUCH-- NOBODY CAN DROWN IN A PHONE BOOTH.
MISS SLOAN? MISS SLOAN? ( clicking phone cradle ) Operator: Yes sir? OPERATOR, I'VE BEEN CUT OFF.
Sorry, sir.
Your party has been drowned.
( theme music playing ) YOUR EMERGENCY REPORT LAST NIGHT HAS BEEN CORROBORATED TO SOME EXTENT, 86.
A MISS JOANNA SLOAN WAS FOUND DROWNED-- IN A RIVER.
BUT I'M TELLING YOU, CHIEF, SHE WAS DROWNED IN A PHONE BOOTH.
MAX, BE REASONABLE.
HOW COULD A GIRL DROWN IN A PHONE BOOTH? HOW DO I KNOW? MAYBE SHE COULDN'T SWIM.
MAX, FORGET THE PHONE BOOTH.
YOU REPORTED THAT MISS SLOAN MENTIONED A POSSIBLE LINK BETWEEN HER EMPLOYER AND KAOS.
WHAT WAS THE MAN'S NAME? MAYBE WE HAVE SOMETHING ON HIM IN OUR OMNIFILE.
WAIT A MINUTE NOW, CHIEF.
I THINK IT WAS JAAM.
THAT'S IT-- DR.
JAAM.
JAAM, CHIEF.
THAT'S WITH A "J.
" "J.
" JAAM, JAAM ON THE OTHER HAND, IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN "SHAAM.
" NO, MAYBE IT WAS "USHAAM.
" NO, I THINK IT WAS "BRAAM.
" "BRAAM"? OH, HERE IT IS.
DR.
MYRON BRAAM.
ON THE OTHER HAND IT COULD HAVE BEEN "CRAAM.
" MAX! SORRY ABOUT THAT, CHIEF.
DR.
MYRON BRAAM.
HE'S ONE OF WASHINGTON'S TOP PSYCHIATRISTS.
IF HE'S BEEN GETTING CLASSIFIED DATA FROM GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS AND PASSING IT ON TO KAOS-- IT COULD DESTROY OUR NATIONAL SECURITY.
WELL, HOW ARE WE GOING TO PROCEED, CHIEF? I HAVE A PLAN.
THIS IS STEP ONE.
OH, DR.
BRAAM, THIS IS GENERAL McFARLAND AT THE PENTAGON.
WHAT I'M ABOUT TO SAY TO YOU IS CONFIDENTIAL INFORMATION, OF COURSE.
WE HAVE AN OFFICER IN OUR SPECIAL WEAPONS BRANCH NAMED COLONEL SMART.
HE'S BEEN ACTING IN A VERY DISTURBED MANNER LATELY AND IT'S SEVERELY AFFECTING HIS WORK.
Would you be able to see him later? YES, I CAN SEE HIM AFTER MY LAST PATIENT TONIGHT.
TELL HIM TO BE HERE AROUND 6:00.
THE BUILDING WILL BE LOCKED, BUT THE JANITOR CAN LET HIM IN.
Thank you, Doctor.
FORGIVE ME, ADMIRAL.
LET'S SEE NOW AH, YES.
YOU WERE TELLING ME YOU FELT VERY GUILTY ABOUT THE THIRD FLEET.
Admiral: YES WITHOUT ANY WARNING TO THE FAMILIES OF THE CREW I HAD TO ORDER THE THIRD FLEET TO THE MEDITERRANEAN.
- NOW HERE IS STEP TWO-- - WAIT A MINUTE, CHIEF.
THERE'S JUST ONE QUESTION I WOULD LIKE TO ASK.
YES? WHO IS THIS COLONEL SMART? I DON'T BELIEVE I KNOW HIM.
MAX, YOU'RE COLONEL SMART.
OH.
I AM? YES.
NOW, MAX, I WANT YOU TO GO TO DR.
BRAAM AND POSE AS A DISTURBED ARMY OFFICER.
AS YOUR WIFE.
NOW YOU ARE TO KEEP DR.
BRAAM BUSY WHILE SHE'S SEARCHING THROUGH HIS FILES IN THE OUTER OFFICE.
OH, I GET IT.
AND THEN WHILE HE'S TALKING TO HER I'LL BE SEARCHING HIS DESK IN THE INNER OFFICE.
EXACTLY.
NOW, MAX, THIS IS A DIFFICULT ASSIGNMENT.
YOU'VE GOT TO CONVINCE THE DOCTOR THAT YOU'RE EMOTIONALLY DISTURBED.
NOW JUST A MINUTE.
THERE'S A LOT OF THINGS I'D DO FOR CONTROL, CHIEF, BUT THIS IS A LITTLE OUT OF THE QUESTION.
86, THIS IS AN ORDER.
NOW I WANT YOU TO GET IN TOUCH WITH DR.
STUEBEN IN OUR PSYCHOLOGICAL WARFARE LAB.
HE MAY BE ABLE TO GIVE YOU A FEW IDEAS ON HOW A REALLY DISTURBED PERSON MIGHT ACT.
WELL, ALL RIGHT.
BUT HONESTLY, CHIEF CAN YOU PICTURE ME AS A MENTAL PATIENT? ( knock on door ) - DR, STUEBEN? - YES.
YOU MUST BE 86.
SIT DOWN, PLEASE.
THE CHIEF ASKED ME TO PREPARE YOU FOR THE KIND OF QUESTIONS YOU MIGHT BE ASKED BY DR.
BRAAM-- SO THAT YOU WILL BE ABLE TO MAINTAIN YOUR COVER.
ARE YOU A PSYCHOLOGIST, DR.
STUEBEN? I'M THE PRESIDENT OF THE PSYCHOLOGISTS' SOCIETY FOR MENTAL HEALTH AND ADJUSTMENT THROUGH FULFILLMENT.
AND WHAT KIND OF AN ORGANIZATION IS THAT? WE'RE A HATE GROUP.
A HATE GROUP? IN THE SENSE THAT WE CURE HATE AND FEAR.
WE HATE HATE.
HATE IT.
NOW, MR.
SMART, I'M GONNA SEE YOUR RESPONSES TO A WORD ASSOCIATION TEST.
I'M GOING TO SAY A WORD AND THEN YOU'LL RESPOND WITH THE FIRST WORD THAT COMES INTO YOUR MIND.
ARE YOU READY? - BOY.
- GIRL.
- BLACK.
- WHITE.
- WIN.
- LOSE.
- VERY GOOD.
- VERY BAD.
- STOP! - GO.
- NO NO! - YES YES.
ALL RIGHT! ALL WRONG.
NOW, MR.
SMART, I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU SOME INKBLOTS ON THESE CHARTS HERE AND I WANT YOU TO TELL ME WHAT THEY REMIND YOU OF.
ARE YOU READY? A MAN AND A WOMAN HUGGING.
HMM.
NEXT.
ANOTHER MAN AND A WOMAN HUGGING.
NEXT.
A MAN AND A WOMAN KISSING.
MR.
SMART, YOU SEEM TO SHOW A DEFINITE PREOCCUPATION WITH MEN AND WOMEN HUGGING AND KISSING.
ME?! YOU'RE THE ONE WITH THE WEIRD PICTURE COLLECTION! NOW FOR OUR FINAL TEST.
SIT OVER HERE, WILL YOU PLEASE? THIS IS A TEST THAT MEASURES YOUR TOLERANCE TO DISTRACTION.
AS YOU CAN SEE, THESE WOODEN PEGS FIT INTO THE HOLES ON THIS BOARD.
NOW FIRST YOU'RE GOING TO INSERT THE PEGS IN THE HOLES AND THERE WILL BE NO DISTRACTIONS.
THAT'S SIMPLE ENOUGH, ISN'T IT? THAT SEEMS FAIRLY SIMPLE.
AH, BUT THEN YOU'LL DO IT AGAIN AND THE SECOND TIME YOU'LL HEAR A SYMPHONY PLAYING IN ONE EAR, A VOICE SPEAKING TO YOU IN THE OTHER AND THERE'LL BE A BRIGHT LIGHT FLASHING IN YOUR EYES.
BUT FIRST WE'LL TIME YOU WITHOUT ANY DISTRACTIONS.
- ARE YOU READY? - MM-HMM.
- GO! - ( timer ticking ) DOES THAT THING HAVE TO BE TICKING? I CAN'T THINK WITH THAT THING TICKING.
BUT THAT'S THE TIMER.
IS THERE A WINDOW SHADE FLAPPING IN HERE SOMEWHERE? I CAN'T CONCENTRATE WITH ALL THESE DISTRACTIONS.
DOC, THESE THINGS JUST DON'T FIT IN THE HOLES.
CAN'T I FORCE THEM IN? OF COURSE YOU CAN'T FORCE THEM.
THIS IS CHILDISHLY SIMPLE.
SEE?HERE.
WAIT A MINUTE.
THE SQUARES ARE MINE.
YOU USE THE ROUND ONES.
WAIT A MINUTE.
I THINK I'LL USE THE ROUND ONES.
YOU USE THE SQUARES.
( whistling ) WILL YOU STOP THAT WHISTLING? I CAN'T CONCENTRATE! AH, YOU MUST BE COLONEL SMART.
I TOLD YOU THIS WAS THE OFFICE.
THIS IS MY WIFE.
- HOW DO YOU DO? - HELLO.
- I WANTED TO COME ALONE, BUT SHE WOULDN'T LET ME.
- HA! I HAD TO DRIVE HIM HERE.
HE'S TERRIFIED BEHIND THE WHEEL.
IT'S NOT THAT.
IT'S JUST THAT I'VE BEEN HAVING A LITTLE TROUBLE WITH MY DRIVER'S TEST.
ALMOST PASSED IT THE LAST TIME.
JUST MADE ONE LITTLE MISTAKE-- SLAMMED THE DOOR ON THE INSTRUCTOR'S HAND.
- WOULD YOU MIND WAITING FOR US OUT HERE? - NOT AT ALL.
COME ALONG, COLONEL.
WE'LL GO INSIDE.
SIT DOWN, COLONEL.
YOU REALIZE OF COURSE, DOCTOR, THAT THIS IS QUITE EMBARRASSING FOR ME, I MEAN, HAVING TO CALL ON A PSYCHIATRIST.
NONSENSE, COLONEL.
MEN LIKE YOURSELF, RESPONSIBLE MEN IN OUR GOVERNMENT, - MAKE UP THE BULK OF MY PRACTICE.
- YOU DON'T SAY.
DO YOU REALIZE THAT A HIGH-RANKING AMERICAN OFFICIAL BREAKS DOWN EVERY DAY? MY GOODNESS.
HOW DOES HE STAND IT? NOW I USUALLY FIND IT MORE HELPFUL WITH MY PATIENTS IF WE USE THE COUCH.
- DO YOU MIND? - CERTAINLY NOT, DOCTOR.
MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE.
NO, NOT ME.
FOR YOU, COLONEL.
OH.
YES, OF COURSE.
NOW COLONEL, THIS IS PROBABLY THE FIRST TIME YOU'VE EVER HAD A PSYCHIATRIC EXAMINATION, - RIGHT? - WRONG.
- WRONG? - RIGHT.
- RIGHT? - LEFT.
- PLEASE.
- THANK YOU.
- COLONEL-- - MAJOR.
NOW, COLONEL, TELL ME, WHAT IS REALLY DISTURBING YOU? WELL, DOCTOR, YOU SEE, I KEEP GETTING THESE FANTASTIC DREAMS.
OH? TELL ME ABOUT THEM.
WELL, IT'S ALWAYS THE SAME DREAM.
I DREAM THAT I AM SECRETARY OF THE ARMY AND I'M SITTING IN THE PRESIDENT'S OFFICE AND WORD COMES THAT ALL OF MY MEN HAVE BEEN CAPTURED.
AND IN A FLASH I REALIZE THAT I'M OUT OF A JOB.
WELL, PEOPLE OFTEN DREAM OF HAVING GREAT POWER.
I MYSELF FREQUENTLY DREAM THAT I AM A RULER OF A LATIN AMERICAN COUNTRY.
DO YOU NEED A SECRETARY OF THE ARMY? A GREAT MANY MEN WHO BEAR A GRAVE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR NATION'S SAFETY FIND THE BURDEN TOO GREAT AT TIMES.
NOW MANY OF MY PATIENTS FIND CERTAIN RELIEF BY SHARING THESE BURDENS WITH THEIR PSYCHIATRIST.
YOU REALLY THINK THAT WILL HELP, DOCTOR? I KNOW IT WOULD.
NOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO TELL ME ABOUT YOUR WORK? ALL RIGHT, DOCTOR.
YOU KNOW, I'M WITH MISSILE RESEARCH AND WE JUST SENT A ROCKET UP YESTERDAY.
- IS THAT SO? - YES.
DO YOU KNOW, DOCTOR, THAT THAT ROCKET REACHED A MAXIMUM SPEED OF 185,000 MILES PER HOUR? FANTASTIC! AT WHAT STAGE DID IT REACH THAT SPEED? JUST BEFORE IT CRASHED.
WHERE WAS THAT? DOWNTOWN ALBUQUERQUE.
I SEE.
HOW VERY UNFORTUNATE.
YES, AND I'D APPRECIATE IT IF YOU WOULDN'T MENTION IT, DOCTOR.
YOU KNOW HOW THE PRESS IS-- GET AHOLD OF SOMETHING LIKE THIS, RIGHT AWAY THEY'LL TRY TO MAKE SOMETHING OUT OF IT.
I HAVE A FEELING THE PUBLIC WILL FIND OUT SOONER OR LATER, THOUGH.
WHY IS THAT? IT WAS TELEVISED.
I SEE.
IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE? LET ME SEE YES, DOCTOR.
YOU SEE, I'M WORKING ON A TOP SECRET SPACE VEHICLE OF MY OWN.
WHAT IS THIS SPACE VEHICLE? GOSSAMER WINGS.
GOSSAMER WINGS? A TRIP TO THE MOON ON GOSSAMER WINGS.
AND WHAT HAPPENED? IT WAS JUST ONE OF THOSE THINGS.
- COLONEL SMART-- - ( file drawer bumps ) EXCUSE ME.
I MUST SEE WHAT'S GOING ON OUT THERE.
I'LL BET THAT'S MY WIFE.
SHE HAS A CLEANING FETISH! MRS.
SMART.
YOUR FILES ARE FILTHY.
I APOLOGIZE FOR THE CONDITION OF MY FILES, MRS.
SMART, BUT I LOST MY SECRETARY ONLY YESTERDAY.
THAT WAS VERY CARELESS OF YOU.
NO DOUBT.
NOW WOULD YOU MIND SITTING DOWN? ( sighs ) AND YOUR CHAIR IS DUSTY.
PLEASE RELAX, MRS.
SMART.
I MUST GET BACK TO MY PATIENT.
Admiral: I had to order the Third Fleet to the Mediterranean.
IS MY WIFE ALL RIGHT? YES, COLONEL SMART, IF THAT'S REALLY YOUR NAME.
YOUR WIFE'S ALL RIGHT.
BUT I'M AFRAID YOU'RE NOT.
- MARKOVICH? - Yes, sir? THE YOUNG WOMAN IN THE FRONT OFFICE-- BRING HER IN HERE.
Right.
WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS? I SAW YOU SEARCHING MY OFFICE, COLONEL.
- THAT'S PART OF MY NEUROSIS.
- YEAH? WELL, IT'S A NEUROSIS THAT YOU'LL NEVER LIVE TO CURE.
THERE'S NO ONE OUT HERE.
WELL, THE BUILDING'S LOCKED.
SHE CAN'T GET AWAY.
WE'LL TAKE CARE OF THE COLONEL FIRST, THEN WE'LL GET THE GIRL.
DR.
BRAAM, YOU'RE A SICK MAN.
MAX, IN HERE.
THEY'RE BOTH IN THE PHONE BOOTH.
HOW CONVENIENT.
GOOD WORK, 99.
YOU'RE A LIFESAVER.
THEY'LL NEVER THINK OF LOOKING IN HERE.
AFTER THEY'VE GONE BY WE CAN SNEAK BACK AND GET OUT A WINDOW.
RIGHT.
THERE'S NO PLACE SAFER IN THE WORLD TO HIDE THAN A PHONE BOOTH.
MAX, WATER! LET'S GO.
- 99, WE'RE LOCKED IN.
- BUT HOW? I DON'T KNOW.
THE DOORS MUST SEAL AUTOMATICALLY - WHEN THE WATER IS RELEASED.
- OH! THIS IS SOME KIND OF SHATTERPROOF GLASS.
ORDINARY PHONE BOOTH.
MAX, WHAT DO WE DO? I DON'T KNOW.
IF I HAD A GUN WE COULD BLAST OUR WAY OUT.
- I'VE GOT A GUN! - OH GOOD, GIVE IT TO ME! OH, NO, I LEFT IT IN MY PURSE IN DR.
BRAAM'S WAITING ROOM.
MAX, YOUR TELEPHONE SHOE! WE CAN CALL THE CHIEF! RIGHT! - SHORT CIRCUIT, 99.
- OH NO.
IF WE COULD ONLY CALL THE CHIEF.
WAIT.
WE'RE IN A PHONE BOOTH.
OF COURSE WE'RE-- RIGHT, 99.
ALL I HAVE IS A QUARTER.
OH, MAX, USE THE QUARTER! USE A QUARTER FOR A 10¢ PHONE CALL? AROUND LIKE THAT YOU'LL HAVE NOTHING LEFT FOR A RAINY DAY.
MAX, HURRY! OH, ALL RIGHT.
OH Operator.
HELLO, OPERATOR? NOW LISTEN TO ME AND LISTEN CAREFULLY-- I WANT YOU TO GET ME A SPECIAL WASHINGTON PHONE NUMBER.
THIS IS A TOP-SECRET NUMBER.
ONLY A FEW PEOPLE KNOW IT.
I WANT YOU TO FORGET IT THE MINUTE THAT I TELL IT TO YOU.
THE NUMBER IS 628-3097.
Oh, you want Control.
- One moment please.
- ( line ringing ) Chief: Hello? HELLO, CHIEF.
THIS IS MAX.
LISTEN, CHIEF, YOU WANT TO HEAR SOMETHING FUNNY? I'M DROWNING IN A PHONE BOOTH.
DROWNING IN A PHONE BOOTH? YES, CHIEF.
YOU SEE, WHAT I TOLD YOU ABOUT MISS SLOAN-- THAT WAS RIGHT.
SHE DIDN'T DROWN IN THE RIVER.
MAX, PLEASE TELL HIM WHERE WE ARE! OH, RIGHT, 99.
CHIEF, I THINK WE'RE GONNA NEED HELP IN A HURRY.
- WHERE ARE YOU, MAX? - UH-- Operator: I'm sorry.
Your time is up.
Insert 10¢ more, please.
BUT, OPERATOR, I DON'T HAVE ANY MORE CHANGE AND THIS IS A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH.
That's what they all say, sir.
( click ) MAX, THE WATER, IT'S RISING.
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO? TAKE BIG SWALLOWS.
LISTEN, 99, I THINK WE CAN BUY SOME TIME IF ONE OF US HELPS THE OTHER ONE UP ON THEIR SHOULDER.
- GOOD THINKING, 86.
- GIVE ME A BOOST UP.
NO, MAX, WOULDN'T IT BE BETTER IF I GOT ON YOUR SHOULDERS? RIGHT, 99, OKAY.
WHAT'S WRONG, MAX? GIVE ME A "ONE-TWO-THREE, UP.
" ( groans ) ONE-TWO-THREE, UP! NOW WHAT'S WRONG? WELL, YOUR "ONE-TWO-THREE" WAS NICE, BUT YOUR "UP" WAS A LITTLE SLOPPY.
OH, MAX, HURRY! RIGHT.
AND BE CAREFUL WITH YOUR RING, 99.
- OH, MAX! - WHAT? MY RING-- IT'S A DIAMOND! SO WHAT? ( gasps ) IT CUTS GLASS.
THAT FILING CABINET NEARLY EMPTY, MARKOVICH? JUST ABOUT, DOCTOR.
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO? I'M GOING TO GET THESE PAPERS BACK TO KAOS THEN I'M GETTING OUT OF THE COUNTRY.
WHAT ABOUT ME? YOU'LL STAY HERE, GET RID OF THE BODIES AND JOIN ME AT THE AIRPORT TONIGHT.
ANYBODY GOT A TOWEL? - SMART! - THAT'S RIGHT.
NOW JUST TAKE IT EASY, GET UP, AND RAISE YOUR HANDS.
COME ON, YOU TOO.
UP! WELL, DR.
BRAAM, IT LOOKS LIKE YOUR LITTLE GAME IS OVER.
AND SO IT MUST ALWAYS END FOR THOSE WHO USE THE HUMAN BRAIN FOR EVIL INSTEAD OF FRIENDLINESS.
HOW DID YOU GET OUT OF THAT BOOTH? AS A PSYCHIATRIST, DR.
BRAAM, YOU SHOULD HAVE REALIZED THE TYPE OF MAN YOU WERE DEALING WITH-- RESOURCEFUL, CUNNING, A MAN WHO THINKS FAST AND DOES A VERY NICE JOB UNDER PRESSURE.
I WANT TO KNOW HOW YOU GOT OUT OF THAT BOOTH.
TO CUT OUR WAY THROUGH THE GLASS OF THE BOOTH.
VERY CLEVER, SMART.
THANK YOU.
YOU SEE, DR.
BRAAM, YOU NEVER REALLY HAD A CHANCE.
BEHIND YOU STANDS THE KAOS HIGH COMMAND, BUT BEHIND ME IS THE CHIEF-- A SILENT, DEDICATED MAN WHO WOULD WILLINGLY SEND MEN TO THEIR DEATH TO OVERCOME YOU.
THERE'S JUST ONE QUESTION I'D LIKE TO ASK, DR.
BRAAM.
YEAH? AS A PSYCHIATRIST, DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HELP HIM? COME IN, MAX.
- THAT WAS GOOD WORK YOU DID LAST NIGHT.
- THANK YOU, CHIEF.
TELL ME, DID YOU FIND ANY FIRM EVIDENCE OF ESPIONAGE THAT WILL STAND UP IN COURT? I CERTAINLY DID.
WAIT TILL YOU HEAR THIS, CHIEF.
Max's voice: But behind me is the Chief-- a silent, dedicated man who would willingly send men to their death-- UH, THERE'S A LOT OF GOOD STUFF IN THERE, CHIEF.
SO I SEE.
WELL, THAT BUSINESS ABOUT SENDING MEN TO THEIR DEATH-- I DIDN'T MEAN THAT, CHIEF.
BUT YOU'RE RIGHT.
I DID NEARLY SEND YOU AND 99 TO YOUR DEATHS.
BUT THAT IS MY JOB, AND IT'S A FILTHY JOB.
I WONDER HOW IT ALL STARTED.
WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME ABOUT IT, CHIEF? WELL, I GUESS IT ALL STARTED WHEN I WAS A CHILD.
I WAS DIFFERENT SOMEHOW FROM OTHER CHILDREN-- SORT OF AN OUTCAST.
THEN I STARTED HAVING THIS RECURRING DREAM THAT I WAS SECRETARY OF THE ARMY AND I WAS IN THE PRESIDENT'S OFFICE AND WORD CAME TO ME THAT ALL MY MEN HAD BEEN CAPTURED.
IN ONE BLINDING FLASH IT CAME TO ME THAT YOU WERE OUT OF A JOB.
HOW DID YOU KNOW? I LOST MY JOB THE SAME WAY, CHIEF.
( theme music playing )