Get Smart (1965) s04e24 Episode Script

Greer Window

( tires screeching ) All right, Klineschmidt, come out with your hands up! Klineschmidt, come out with your hands up! Maybe if you said please.
Larrabee, that's a notorious KAOS agent up there.
I don't have to be polite to him.
Klineschmidt, this is your last chance! We're going to open fire! Come on out, please! - ( man yells ) Come and get me! - What? Come and get me! You've got two minutes before we open fire! We're not really gonna open fire, Larrabee.
- We've got to take him alive.
- Maybe three! Why do we have to take him alive? Because Kline-- because Klineschmidt is our only link to the missing missile-guidance blueprints.
We've got to take him alive.
Where's Max? He's trying to get into the house through the back way.
- That's very heroic of him.
- Not really, Chief.
He had to go to the bathroom.
All right, Klineschmidt, this is it! You've got exactly 15 seconds to come out with your hands up! - Where's the tear-gas gun? - It's in the trunk of the car.
- Get it.
- Cover me.
Klineschmidt, you've got 10 seconds! Larrabee, come on! Larrabee, we don't have all day! Get ready to fire through the window.
Not the window of the car, the window of the house! Oh.
Now when I count 10, you fire.
You got it? - Gotcha, Chief.
- 10-- What did you do that for?! - You said 10.
- Thank goodness it went over the house.
You fire when I say, "Fire.
" And aim lower this time.
- Right, Chief.
- 10, nine eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, fire! Chief, that was a waste of tear gas! I searched every room in the house! There's nobody there! Chief: Max, what about the second story? What second story? The one up there.
- Oh, that seco-- - ( gun fires ) ( theme music playing ) - ( doorbell rings ) - Who is it? - It's the Chief, 99.
- Just a minute, Chief.
Hi, Chief.
Where's Max? something to tell you.
Chief, what happened to Max? Well, 99, we ran into a little trouble.
We had this KAOS agent trapped and Max-- - What hospital is he in? - He's not in the hospital.
It was only a flesh wound.
They treated it and released him.
Larrabee's here with him now.
Oh, Max! Thank heavens you're safe! - Are you all right? - I'm fine, 99.
- Where are you wounded? - Down around - ( clears throat ) - South Poplar Street.
Yes, you see, actually, I was wounded in two places, 99-- down around South Poplar Street and in the, uh-- in the, uh-- do you know what happens when you jump into a shallow pool? - You hit bottom.
- So did the KAOS agent.
Oh, poor Max! Come over here.
I'll fix you a place to sit down.
Sit down? I can hardly stand on these crutches.
Larrabee: How about that? One crutch is shorter than the other.
You're telling me? When I walk, I limp with a limp.
Chief: Max, those are not normal crutches.
Actually, they're secret weapons.
Here, let me show you.
In the longer crutch, there's a barrel in the leg.
Now, when you squeeze this handle, the bullet comes out here.
Well, I'll be.
What does the shorter crutch do? Here, let me show you.
When you turn-- Max, are you all right? I'm okay, Chief.
Could I have my crutch, please? Oh, sure.
Sorry.
Now, when you turn the handle it ejects a spike.
That's fantastic, Chief! The CONTROL lab come up with that? No, the Department of Sanitation.
Now, until you're completely recovered, I want you to stay home and relax.
Don't worry about a thing.
Oh, okay, Chief.
Listen, do I get sick pay? You would if we'd filed the application.
Why didn't we file the application? We tried to, Max.
When we got to the space where it asks us to describe the nature of the injury, we didn't know how to word it.
( clicks ) Hi, Max.
How come the door's open? repairman up here.
This television remote control unit works on everything but the TV set.
Oh, we'll do it right after lunch.
Everyone at CONTROL was asking about you today.
Everybody? Everybody except Willoughby and Carter.
Willoughby fractured a leg last night.
What about Carter? It was Carter's leg that Willoughby fractured.
Here are the magazines you wanted.
Sit down and talk to me.
I'm going out of my mind, I'm so crazy with boredom.
- What did you do all morning? - Same thing I do every morning.
Same thing I've done every morning for the past week-- I sit in this chair, look through my binoculars at that building across the street.
Then I read a magazine.
Then I look through my binoculars at the building across the street.
Then I read another magazine.
And then, when I really get bored, I take the remote control and watch the door open and close.
Well, I've got good news for you, Max.
I hope so, 99, because I'm going out of my mind sitting here.
The doctor says you're much better and he wants you to start doing exercises.
Oh really? What kind of exercises? He wants you to play musical chairs twice a day.
Forget it.
See anything interesting in the building across the way? Same old thing I see every day, 99.
Well, you must know every person in every office in that building.
I don't look in every office in that building, 99, I just look in the office directly across the way.
- Why that one? - No reason in particular.
I just don't understand how those blueprints for the new missile-guidance system got out of here.
Outside of yourself and Miss Parker, who else has access to your office? Only Quincannon, my engineer.
When he's through with an assignment he brings the blueprints here and I place them in that safe there.
- Here you are, Mr.
Greer.
- Thank you, Miss Parker.
Oh, get me the file on the Southeastern plant too.
through those binoculars.
Now am I crazy, or is that the Chief? Max! Not her, 99, the old man.
It does look like the Chief, Max.
For a very good reason-- - it is the Chief.
- Don't be ridiculous, 99.
It can't be the Chief.
What would the Chief be doing in that office? Because that's Otto Greer Industries.
They do a lot of government contracts.
what Industries it is.
Why would the Chief be over there? I'm telling you that's not the Chief.
Max, I'm telling you.
I see the Chief right in these binoculars.
- Will that be all? - Yes, thank you, Miss Parker.
Unless you'd also like to see the moon project data? Uh, is it handy? It's right in the filing cabinet in the top drawer.
That won't be necessary.
KAOS must never get their hands on this file.
You don't have to worry about that.
When I'm through, I'll place it in the safe.
Somehow somebody is getting into this office and getting out with top government secrets.
We've got to find out who.
You know I'll give you every ounce of cooperation I can.
- Yes, we're grateful to you.
- Mm-hmm.
Oh, here-- a Greer Industries souvenir pen.
- Thank you.
- I'll tell you what I'll do-- - I'll bet you $5 that's not the Chief.
- You're on.
- Three, four, five.
- Thank you.
So that's why I came over here, 99.
I wanted to save you a trip to headquarters.
What's my cover on this assignment, Chief? Tomorrow morning you go to work as Greer's receptionist.
Now I must know if anybody other than Greer, Quincannon or Miss Parker has access to Greer's office.
And if not? Then one of those three is working for KAOS.
How could they get the blueprints out of that building, Chief? You said there was a security guard posted at every exit on that floor.
That's what the United States government would like to know.
Just how important to the government are these blueprints? If KAOS gets their hands on any more of those blueprints, they'll have the capability of polluting the air over every major city in the United States.
I don't want to worry you, Chief, but I think they already have that.
I'll report for work in the morning, Chief.
If I notice anything suspicious, I'll contact CONTROL immediately.
- ( clicks ) - Exactly as I suspected.
our new receptionist tomorrow will be a CONTROL spy.
Suppose she discovers what we're doing? Then we'll give the new receptionist a reception she'll never forget.
And I handle everything for Mr.
Greer, both business and personal.
And you'll get along just fine, Miss Norris, if you can only remember one thing-- due to the government work we're involved in here, nobody-- but nobody-- gets in Mr.
Greer's office, with the exception of Mr.
Greer, Mr.
Quincannon and myself.
- Is that quite clear? - Oh, it's very clear.
But supposing you're ill one day, then who takes care of Mr.
Greer? Miss Norris, nobody gets in that office.
- ( door opens ) - Greer: Miss Parker, - will you come in here please? - Yes, Mr.
Greer.
Nobody.
( silent ) Spinoza just phoned from the lobby.
He'll be here any second.
Let him in.
( whirrs ) ( rips ) Let me have the file on the Southeastern plant.
Thank you.
Where are the blueprints on the Southeastern plant? Mr.
Quincannon had a few last-minute changes to make.
They should be ready by about There's no sense in your waiting, Spinoza.
You can go, but make sure you're back here at 2:00.
Let him out.
Greer: Thank you, Miss Parker.
That'll be all.
Parker: Miss Norris, you dropped your pencil.
The great fringe benefit of this assignment is having lunch with you, Max.
- Whoops! - Oh! I'll get it for you, 99.
- ( gunshot ) - Oh, not again.
Well, it's only a paper napkin, 99.
I wish it were only a paper rug.
Anything unusual happen today? No, everything seemed quite normal.
The only people that went into Greer's office were Greer and Miss Parker.
What about the other guy? - What other guy? - The little short guy.
Well, Max, I sat at my desk every minute.
If anyone else had gone in, I would have seen him.
I've been watching that window all day through my binoculars.
I'm telling you there was a little short guy in there with Greer and Miss Parker.
Maybe you were looking in the wrong window.
With Miss Parker in there? Are you kidding? Max, if there was someone else in that office, there must be some other way to get in! They certainly couldn't get in through the window.
A secret door.
Max, that's it! - A secret door! - Well, it won't be a secret for long if you keep yelling about it like that.
Don't you see, Max? Greer, Quincannon and Miss Parker are all in on it! They're smuggling out the blueprints by way of a courier who comes in through a secret entrance! - Ugh! - Max, what's wrong? That coffee is cold.
Don't you think we'd better get in touch with the Chief? We can't do that unless we have absolute definite proof! Then I'm going back over there.
I've got to get into Greer's office to search it! Oh no.
Absolutely not.
I'm not letting you go back into that office.
It's too dangerous.
But, Max, we have no choice! - But how would you get in? - I'll get Greer out on some pretense.
You can watch from here with the binoculars.
If anything goes wrong, just notify CONTROL.
- Well, all right, but be careful.
- I will, dear.
- Here, let me open the door for you.
- Oh no, don't get up.
- I don't have to get up.
- ( locks click ) Miss Parker, I have some business at the Pentagon, but I'll be back by 2:00.
Yes, Mr.
Greer.
Oh, Miss Parker, I'm completely out of carbon paper.
- Well, I'll get you some.
- Thank you.
( pounding on door ) ( pounding on door ) ( panel whirs ) Greer: It's left to 32, right to 21, and then left to zero, Miss Norris.
So that's how you've been doing it.
The safe is really a secret entrance.
I'm afraid that discovery won't be much help.
You realize what's going to happen to you? - Are you going to fire me? - Oh no, I'm not going to fire you.
I'm going to kill you, Mrs.
Smart.
- Keep her away from that window.
- Max! Max! Put her in the chair.
My husband has been watching everything through binoculars from our apartment window.
In five minutes this whole area will be surrounded by CONTROL agents.
- Dial your apartment.
- No.
Dial.
Oh-ohh! ( phone rings ) - Hello? - This is Greer speaking.
Mr.
Smart, if you value your wife's life, you will do exactly as I say.
When you hang up your phone, you will return to your seat by the window, sit down and stay there.
I can see you perfectly from here.
So if you make a move for the phone or the door, your wife will die instantly.
( line disconnects ) I'll get the keys from Mrs.
Smart's purse and go to the apartment.
You keep Mrs.
Smart here by this window.
When you see me put the gun to Smart's head, you do the same to Mrs.
Smart.
I want them to watch each other die.
( phone ringing ) - Why doesn't he answer? - Maybe he went out for a walk.
He's under doctor's orders not to leave the apartment.
Maybe he's taking a nap.
No, I let the phone ring often enough to awaken him.
- Something must have happened.
- Maybe something happened to him.
Larrabee, I'm going over to Smart's apartment.
I want you to stay on the phone and try to reach the apartment every few minutes.
Right, Chief.
Hi, honey.
Wait till you hear what's happened here today-- the Chief called Smart twice, and when he didn't answer Good afternoon, Mr.
Smart.
So, Mr.
Smart, we finally come face to face.
Who are you? What do you want? Don't you recognize me, Smart? I'm Mr.
Greer.
Oh, of course.
What are you doing here? I came to tell you, Mr.
Smart, that I'm going to kill you.
Oh, well, you didn't have to go through all that trouble.
You could've called me and told me that.
Mr.
Smart, you seem to enjoy looking through windows.
So if you'll just continue doing so, you and your lovely wife will have the unique experience of watching each other die.
- ( knocking on door ) - Chief: Max, open up! - It's the Chief! - Stay right where you are, Mr.
Smart.
One move, one sound and you're dead.
( knocking ) Man on TV: And now for a look at the sports page-- ( gunshot ) That's great, Chief.
I'll be ready to report for duty first thing Monday morning.
Bye.
- All finished? - Yep, all finished.
Anything goes wrong, you just call us.
- Is this your phone number? - No, that's the bill.
The phone number only has seven digits.
Call us if you need us.
Hi, 99.
Oh! Great news.
I just talked to the Chief.
They rounded up Spinoza and Quincannon.
And guess what? You know that secret panel in the safe? Led to a secret panel in the elevator.
That's how they were smuggling those blueprints out of the office.
I'm glad that's over with.
I'm going down to the delicatessen for a few minutes.
Will you be okay while I'm gone? Yes, I'll just remember not to look out the window.
At least you can watch television now.
( shouts ) ( theme music playing )
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