Gilmore Girls s04e05 Episode Script

- Hey.
|- Hi.
What are you doing? Well, I'm gardening.
- What are you doing?|- I'm gardening! What are you doing? Why don't you come over here and see,|honey, since you seem so confused? Oh, my God.
You are gardening.
- Yeah.
Hello.
I am gardening.
|- Why? Because Babette bought me|a bag of bulbs.
Why would she do that? She thought that cultivating new life|would help distract me from my current emptiness|and sense of loss.
- That's weirdly sweet of her.
|- Yes, it was.
I forgot about the bulbs till Babette|brought them up this morning so I dug them out of the garage.
They've developed some sort of mold.
- This is the planet of the mold.
|- Come help me.
I'm no botanist, but I don't think|anything's gonna grow from this piece of tar.
- Just put it in the hole.
|- Why didn't you just throw them out? - There are eyes everywhere, my dear.
|- Hey, doll, how you doing? Great, Babette.
Just tending my bulbs.
- Makes you feel better, doesn't it?|- Absolutely.
Much better.
- You need any help?|- No, I got Rory helping me.
- Hi, Babette.
|- Hi, sugar.
Don't worry.
I'm looking out for your mom.
I'm glad to hear that.
And just you wait till spring.
You're gonna wake up|one morning, walk out, and Color coming out of your yin-yang.
I'll see you girls tomorrow.
I'm going to have color|coming out of my yin-yang.
Then maybe you'll finally get a man.
This has got to be the grossest thing ever.
Forget it.
Let's talk about something else.
|How's school? School's fine.
It's hard, but good.
Tanna's fine.
Janet and Paris are fighting because Janet gets up at 5:30|to go jogging, wakes Paris up and then the resulting argument|wakes everybody up, and - You bulbed me.
|- I was aiming over there.
It got my hand! - Shake it off.
|- It won't go! - You wiped it on my shirt.
|- It was a reflex.
- To ruin my shirt?|- I'm sorry.
- You never liked this shirt.
|- It's not that.
It's just that- - There's something crawling up my leg.
|- I got it! It's big.
Okay, so the next time that Babette gives you a bag of bulbs to plant|because you're lonely - you say|- No, thank you.
Class dismissed.
- You can at least open a window.
|- Why? Because it smells|like a locker room in here.
- Tough luck.
|- Fine.
- Did the alarm go off?|- I shut it off.
Who needs an alarm when you've|got workout Barbie around? Never mind that some of us|were up finishing a chem lab till 2:30 in the morning! I love waking up at 5:00 a.
m.
|to the sound of someone grunting out crunches|in the common room.
I told you, earplugs.
You know, she talks to herself|when she stretches.
"Come on, Janet.
Push it, Janet.
"Love the pain, Janet.
" It's pornographic.
- What time is it?|- I know what she's doing.
Psychological warfare.
Don't let your enemy sleep.
|Push him till he cracks.
Charlie tried those tricks|on our boys at Khe Sanh and if she keeps this up I am not gonna be responsible|for what happens.
Oh, my God! Paris,|breakfast is over in five minutes.
I know.
It's Tuesday, too.
|That's waffle bar day.
- Why didn't you wake me?|- Sure, blame me.
I'm the victim here, remember? Excuse me.
Can I Thank you.
Okay.
- Rory.
|- Marty.
You remembered.
I wasn't the one passed out in the hallway,|so I had a better shot.
True, very true.
|So, I see you're a little late for breakfast.
Yeah, my alarm was turned off.
You want some eggs or something? I always take enough for 10.
|I blame my brother.
He always took|the biggest piece of chicken.
And left you none? No, there was more.
|I just wanted that big piece.
- Well-|- I want you to meet the breakfast crew.
I'm kind of- We all just started eating breakfast|together every morning so someone came up with the name|"The Breakfast Crew.
" It's not like an official club or anything.
|There's no hats.
At least not until|we can all agree on a color.
Excuse me, guys.
|I want you all to meet Rory.
- Who?|- The robe.
The robe.
Nice to meet you.
- I told them about your act of kindness.
|- It was nothing, really.
I wouldn't say that.
|That was one nice robe.
We all took turns trying it on.
No, not true.
Ignore him.
I'm sorry I haven't gotten it|back to you yet.
- It's okay.
|- Nice bunny shoes.
Thank you.
It was nice meeting you all.
|I actually have to go, so - I embarrassed you.
|- It's fine.
I'm sorry.
I was just so relieved|that I could finally approach you.
- Why couldn't you approach me?|- That night was really humiliating so every time I saw you|after that, I just hid.
But when I saw you show up like that I thought, "Here's my chance|to even the playing field.
" Marty, this is not as embarrassing|as being totally naked.
No, it's not.
But it's close.
Well, consider the playing field leveled.
- Good.
See you, Rory.
|- See you, Marty.
Exactly.
Yes, that's just the kind of thing|we're looking for.
I'm so glad to hear that because the last two designers|we met with had very different philosophies.
No, I didn't know you did|the Silver Thatch Inn.
That's so beautiful.
Okay.
Well, why don't we meet Friday, say, around 2:00? Okay.
Luke's Diner.
It's right in the middle of the town square.
You can't miss it.
Just follow the love.
Okay.
Thank you.
Bye-bye.
- What was that?|- I was taking it outside.
Three people came in|while you held the door open.
You're exaggerating.
Why can't you respect|the rules of my diner? I do respect the rules of your diner.
|It's that baseball cap I have issues with.
- Hi.
|- Hey.
All right, I've done extensive|research, checked references and pre-screened|three other designers for you.
- Here are their names.
|- Hopefully I won't need these because I think I found|a new designer for the inn.
Very good.
I love doing research|just for the sake of doing research.
I live to grow.
|Are you still buying me lunch? I'd be happy to, I should probably|take you somewhere else.
Why should you take him|somewhere else? Because, Kook Danes,|Michel eats a very specific diet.
Normally, yes, that's true.
However, every six months|I give myself a crazy day where I can eat anything I want,|and today's crazy day.
- Talk to me about your chocolate cake.
|- What do you want to know? Is it Mexican? - Is what Mexican?|- The chocolate.
How would I know? It would say so on the wrapper.
|You could go look.
I'll wait.
Take him somewhere else.
Just bring me a doughnut,|but put some sprinkles on it, okay? Do you know what one of|life's great mysteries is? Mom.
Whether or not you're joining us|for Friday night dinner.
And since you pretend to be ignorant|of the concept of the RSVP even though it was taught to you|as a child I am reduced to calling and asking you, are you coming? Is that, "Yes, I'm coming" or "I was reading while you were talking"? Tell you what, Mom.
|Plan on me coming, and if I don't then it'll just be a little more|for everyone else.
Lorelai, you know very well|our dinners do not work like that.
There is careful planning|and shopping and preparation that goes into every meal no matter how boring and simple|it may seem to you.
Get off that phone! Shoot, Mom.
|There's no cell phones in here.
I'll call you back later.
Bye.
And when I need you.
Nowhere.
It's obvious Hemingway is just|using Jake's impotence to indict a society|which exploited its underclass to fight in the trenches of the WW I.
Interesting theory, Heather.
|What does everyone else think? I don't know.
Isn't Jake's impotence more about that generation's|loss of faith in love? Please.
That grossly ignores|the social context.
Rory's right.
It's about a guy|who can't sleep with the woman he loves.
- It's not a Woody Guthrie song.
|- But- Hold that thought.
We're out of time.
Okay, everyone, we'll continue this,|Thursday.
I'll see you then.
- Thanks for the save.
|- No problem.
Heather can get a little|"workers of the world, unite" sometimes.
I've never actually met someone|who likes the word "bourgeois" so much.
So, what are you up to this weekend? Studying.
Sleep, hopefully.
|A rarity in my dorm room.
- Yeah? Do you eat?|- Habitually.
Ever been to Pancia Di Lucca?|I hear it's good.
No, I haven't.
I was thinking of going there|this weekend.
- Cool.
Tell me how it is.
|- Okay, I will.
- Or you could come with me.
|- I can't this Saturday.
But if it's good,|maybe another time, okay? Sure, okay.
So, see you next week.
Bye, Trevor.
What are you doing home? It seems that if you leave|your laundry in the machine for even two minutes after it stops,|some incredibly impatient person will take your nice, clean|clothes out and dump them.
- Where?|- Anywhere.
The floor, the top of another|dirty washing machine.
My Belle and Sebastian T-shirt|was in the garbage.
So now, on top of a massive|amount of reading and studying I get to rewash my formerly|perfect clean clothes.
That's just wrong.
I think you|should quit school in protest.
- Okay, if you say so.
|- No, wait.
That's not ours.
What do you mean? Who's it for? I've got five minutes.
Where's the pizza? - There.
|- Thanks.
Hi, Rory.
Hey, Lane.
My mom ordered all the okra|in the Western hemisphere.
- She got a great deal, and I'm starving.
|- Swallow.
Between Seventh-day Adventist college and mom's fascination|with ordering on the Internet my future looks very grim.
- You want a Coke?|- No time for liquids.
I have to be home for dinner|in four minutes.
Another piece, please? Okay, this is good.
You all look good.
|Things are good? - Things are-|- Okay.
Gotta go.
Thanks for the grub.
She is so throwing up on the way home.
I'm gonna go put this in the washer.
Wait, have some pizza|and tell mama all about your day.
Okay.
Yesterday,|Janet woke up to find that Paris had chaired her in her room.
Nice.
And then, later, when Janet had|climbed out the window she retaliated by gluing shut|the opening of Paris' glue gun.
- She went for the crafts.
|- This war is getting totally out of hand.
This morning, Paris turned off my alarm|because Janet woke her up.
I almost missed breakfast.
I ran down to the dining hall|in my pajamas and bunny slippers and I ran into Marty.
- Naked guy.
|- It was totally humiliating.
Humiliating 'cause naked guy's hot? It was humiliating because|I had terry-cloth rabbits on my feet.
So naked guy's not hot? Naked guy is Marty, and it's not like that.
He's sweet.
"Sweet" means "bad butt.
" "Sweet" does not mean "bad butt.
"|"Sweet" means "sweet.
" Poor naked guy.
|Should've left his clothes on.
You have got to stop talking about him.
|I just met Marty.
If not him, are there any other guys|on the horizon? - Nope.
|- No? How about a professor? Someone older, wiser,|with brown cords and whiskey breath? - Yeah.
There's one of those.
|- Come on, Rory.
This guy asked me to try this restaurant,|but it was a totally casual thing.
- So what'd you tell him?|- That I was busy.
- You don't like him?|- No, I like him fine.
I mean he's smart, and he takes my side|in the debates and he's decent to look at.
- So why'd you say no? Too many clothes?|- I don't know.
He He carries a bottle of water|around with him all the time.
- That's just weird.
|- Right.
Hydration.
Very creepy.
He's preppy and I don't really like preppy.
Plus he's gonna go study|in Barcelona next year.
- So?|- It's a waste of time.
I can't go anywhere.
You could go to dinner, maybe a movie.
Look, I know you've never really dated.
What are you talking about? I've dated.
- Who did you date?|- Dean.
You did not date.
You had a relationship.
- Well, Jess.
|- Was relationship number two.
So maybe I've never dated,|but you haven't either.
I have dated at least once.
- You had me with dad.
Relationship.
|- Yes, but- Max.
Relationship.
|Dad again.
Relationship.
Okay, fine, I may not be|the world's best dater, but I do it.
You should give it a shot.
|You're in college now.
What else is there to do|in college but date? I'm gonna go wash my clothes now.
Wait.
Was that it? Is this conversation over? Sorry.
Did I win? Okay, here.
I want to show you this.
"Castles of Ireland?" There is a room in here|that I've always wanted to do.
- Here it is.
|- I love that.
What is that wall treatment? - That's anaglyptic wallpaper.
|- What are you doing? I'm looking at anaglyptic wallpaper.
The other three tables|are here for support? We just had a lot of books to go through.
Luke, this is Natalie Zimmerman.
She's gonna help us design the Dragonfly.
- Nice to meet you.
|- Did I tell you we're having horses? The property has stables, so why not? I love horses.
I've always loved horses|ever since I was a little girl.
Now I finally have a grown-up excuse|to buy a pony.
Great, listen, National Velvet,|you have to move this stuff out of here.
- Why?|- Because this is a diner.
- People wanna sit.
|- This is business.
No, this is business,|and it's open, and it's decorated and it wants its seats back.
Fine.
Sorry about that.
He's wants "The World's Grumpiest|Diner Guy" title from Mel.
No problem.
So you were telling me about|anaglyptic wallpaper? Yes.
It's a textured paper|that we can paint or treat.
We can distress it if you want|to give it a more vintagey look.
That sounds interesting.
You know, Emily actually has some|in the smaller upstairs guest bath.
You should take a look|next time you're there.
Emily? You mean my mother Emily? - Yes.
|- I didn't know you knew Emily.
Yeah.
I did her second-floor remodel|about a year ago.
- I thought that's how you got my name.
|- No, I got your name from a magazine.
- So you know Emily?|- It's a small world, isn't it? Yes.
Yes, really small.
About the same square footage|as that box they threw McCain in.
- So, are you ready to see bedrooms?|- Yes, sure.
Why not? Next week we finish up|with "Snows of Kilimanjaro.
" Then, it is Hemingway's pal,|Scott Fitzgerald.
So do yourselves a favor,|get a jump on "Tender is the Night.
" - Good session today, huh?|- It was fine.
I can't believe we get to sit around|and talk about books and get graded.
I mean, there's almost nothing|I like more than talking about|a good book or a bad book or a really thick magazine.
Hey, Trevor.
You know what else I like to do|besides talk about a really good book? Eat.
Isn't that weird? And, actually, for me, they're linked.
It's true.
When I talk about a book,|I get really hungry.
Starving.
- You ever experience that?|- Not really.
Well, it happens to me all the time.
Like right now, for example.
|Starving.
Really.
And I enjoyed "The Snows of Kilimanjaro"|so much that I will probably be|hungry for quite some time.
All weekend, probably.
|Especially Saturday night.
- Saturday night?|- Saturday night.
Are you saying you want to go|to dinner on Saturday night? Okay.
Yeah, I will be hungry.
That fact has been pretty well-established.
Okay.
Sure.
|Let's go to dinner, Saturday night.
- So, you're at-|- Durfee, Suite 5.
- I'll pick you up at 7:30.
|- Sounds good.
I gotta hand it to you there, Trevor.
|You sure are persistent.
- Davey? You're naming him Davey?|- Yes.
I love Davey.
Me, too.
I can't believe you finally|picked a name.
It makes it real.
Yes, because the stomach and|the massive ankles were too ambiguous.
Does Jackson like it? He's okay with the stomach,|but the massive ankles freak him out.
The name.
Davey.
- It was actually his suggestion.
|- Really? He wanted Davey if it was a boy|and Colgate if it was a girl.
- Colgate?|- His great-grandmother's name.
Great-grandmother Colgate.
- Yep.
|- That's horrible.
What's worse is she looked like a Colgate.
At least you know it's a boy.
Yes, but he doesn't know|it's going to be a boy.
I realize he has to know that I thought Colgate was an insane name,|but if I didn't fight him on it it must be because I knew|we weren't having a girl.
Then he'd know we were|gonna have a boy and that would spoil everything|for him, so I told him: "We're not naming our daughter|after a toothpaste.
" We got in a big fight|and now we're not talking.
- Cool!|- Yeah, I know.
Everything's perfect.
My baby has a name and|my husband's sleeping on the couch and I figured out that I'll go|with the Avery stove for the inn.
- Is that okay? I know it's more expensive.
|- It's your kitchen, Sookie.
Okay, good.
I'm going to call Natalie|the minute I get home.
- What's wrong?|- Nothing.
It's the Avery.
It's too extravagant.
No, the Avery's fine.
Everything's fine.
- You're sure?|- I'm sure.
Natalie knows my mother.
- Emily? How?|- Yes.
Because she did her second-floor remodel|like a year ago.
So she really knows your mother.
They've been shopping together.
|It's a bond.
- Sookie, I don't know if I can-|- Lorelai, no.
- She knows my mother.
|- So what? Sookie, my whole life,|my whole existence my essence, my being,|my ability to be this sparkling creature standing before you, all this depends on the complete, total separation of my life|from my mother's.
That's how it works.
- But we like Natalie.
|- We do like Natalie.
Remember all the other designers|we met that we didn't like? Remember the one who wanted|to put the tiny mannequin in every room so lonely people would have|someone to talk to? - Yes, I do.
|- Or the purple guy.
- Purple!|- They were horrible.
And then we met Natalie,|and she was perfect.
Look, just try.
|At least give Natalie a chance, okay? - Please?|- I'll try.
Good.
I'm gonna go home|and get going on the Avery.
All right.
I have to stop by Luke's.
|I'll call you later.
- It's going to be fine.
|- Yes, it is.
Hey, Luke.
What's going on? Tom called.
The banister on the stairs|has to be replaced.
It'll be $4,000.
Tamsin Corbally called.
He needs a deposit|on the quarter sawn oak.
It'll be $4,000.
Julio the landscaper called.
I have no idea what he said,|but it's going to be $4,000.
Vicki from Vicki's Horse Supply called.
She thinks Pepper and Gunsmoke|would suit your needs but Gunsmoke snores so the stables can't be too close|to the guests' bedrooms.
Rory's looking for her black Converse,|and one last thing: - I'm not taking messages for you anymore!|- I'm sorry.
What'd you do,|have business cards printed? - People just know I'm here a lot.
|- I missed a call from my meat guy because I was discussing|Gunsmoke's deviated septum.
I'm gonna call all of them|and tell them never to call me here again.
- You bet you will.
|- Consider it done.
- Good.
|- Just - What?|- Just one more thing.
- Did a package arrive for me here today?|- What? - I'm sorry.
Never mind.
|- Luke.
Sorry.
I'm cutting it kind of close here.
Sorry, Ed.
I didn't realize you were|cutting it kind of close.
Everybody, drop everything.
|Ed's cutting it kind of close.
- Here's your tickets.
|- You seem mad.
Look, Ed, just go to the game|and enjoy it, okay? And choke on a hot dog while you're at it.
I have to tell you, I am never|accepting anything free from you again.
What a threat! Boy, you're a real master of fear, there, Ed.
Look out, Jason and Freddy.
Ed may never mooch off|of either one of you ever again! - What is wrong with you?|- Nothing.
- You're yelling at Ed.
|- Ed bugs me.
- Ed cries.
|- I'm just having a bad day.
- Excuse me?|- Days.
You've been stomping around,|barking at people for days.
- I have not.
|- Yes, Cujo, you have.
I always talk to people like that.
- No, Benji, you don't.
|- I'll be fine tomorrow.
Really, Lassie? Why is that? I bought tickets for Nicole|because she's a Yankees fan.
I thought it'd be nice|if we went to a game together.
Oh, man.
It's no big deal.
|The closer it got to the game the more I felt like a loser.
I'm sitting on the tickets, which means|I thought I'd be in a relationship.
I don't know.
Stupid.
I broke my own rule.
I asked for it.
What are you talking about? Never plan for anything|more than two days in advance.
- That's your rule?|- Yes.
'Cause when you make plans,|you have expectations when you have expectations,|you will get disappointed.
Having expectations gives you|something to look forward to.
Then you're looking forward|to being constantly disappointed.
- You're not that cynical.
|- I am today.
I have an idea.
- Tomorrow night is usually movie night.
|- What? Rory and I would always rent a bunch|of movies, order food.
It was our thing.
Now she's at school and busy,|so why don't you come over? It might be fun.
- Okay.
|- Yeah? - Sure.
What else have I got to do?|- I love when men say that to me.
- What time?|-8:00.
-8:00 it is.
|- I'll pick us up a couple movies.
- What do you want to see?|- I don't know.
Come on, tell me.
I don't want to get|something you've seen.
Don't worry.
I haven't seen anything.
- People always say that.
|- With me, it's true.
- Casablanca?|- No.
You have never seen "Casablanca?"|Are you kidding? Just get anything, please.
- Chinatown?|- Anything at all.
- Bonnie and Clyde?|- A video game would be nice.
It Happened One Night? His GirI Friday? Treasure of the Sierra Madre? Diner? I saw "Mr.
and Mrs.
Bridge.
" My house, 8:00.
We have such work to do.
I'll see you there.
By the way, if my package arrives today,|just bring it with you, okay? Thanks.
Hey.
Just hold on.
That could have been very ugly, huh? The great cappuccino disaster of 2003.
|Very sad.
Shelley Winters drowns.
Think the coffee was stronger|than I thought.
- Can I take your coat?|- Thank you.
Your daughter called|and said she was going to be late.
- So Rory's not here yet?|- No, it's just you and your mother.
You know what? I just remembered|I left something in the car so I'll be right back.
Could I It's new.
|I can't be away from it just yet.
Thanks.
Okay.
Back in a flash.
Bye.
- Our next guest will be-|- Remember that night- What are you doing? I was looking for my lip-gloss.
You need the radio on|to look for your lip-gloss? Well, I came out here,|and I couldn't find it, and so I thought if I tried to retrace|my steps it would turn up.
- Very clever idea.
|- Yeah, I thought so.
So I put my purse on the seat|and I put the keys in the car naturally the radio came on,|'cause that's what it does.
"Shadow Dancing" was playing which was one of my favorite songs|in junior high.
- You forgot to look for your lip-gloss.
|- Just for a second.
Which makes sense|since it's in the ashtray next to you.
- It is.
Look at that.
|- Yes, it's a miracle.
Come inside, Lorelai.
Can't I just wait till the song|I'm coming.
You can't sit here|for three seconds without Rory.
Not true! Stop it and sit down.
|I want to talk to you about something.
I just found out that Sookie is pregnant.
Don't look at me.
|I had nothing to do with it.
May I ask|why you didn't bother to tell me? Your not telling me about Sookie|is unforgivable.
Why? It's not like|you're such good friends.
- I went to her wedding.
|- So did Kirk.
I haven't sent her a gift.
|How does that make me look? Like you hate her|and all childbearing women.
You are so intent|on keeping me out of your life.
It's not my life.
It's Sookie's life.
A simple phone call to tell me|that Sookie is pregnant.
How did you find out, anyway? Why? Are you going to track down|the informant and have him shot? - Maybe.
|- It doesn't matter how I found out.
- I found out, no thanks to you.
|- Mom, please, tell me how you found out.
- Why? Does it bother you not knowing?|- Yes.
- Me, too.
|- Hey.
- Rory, you're here.
|- I'm so sorry I'm late, Grandma.
Hi, Mom.
- You'll pay.
|- Sit down and tell me all about Yale.
If you don't, she'll find out anyway.
Yale's interesting.
|It's more free-form than I thought.
You're an adult.
|They treat you like an adult in college.
In college, yes.
In the Gilmore house- We've switched subjects,|in case you were wondering.
What are your plans for the weekend?|Any parties going on? There are always parties going on,|but I'm not going to a party.
- I'm actually going on a date.
|- You are? - Your first college date.
|- Who's the lucky guy? - Just a guy from my English class.
|- No.
Your English class? What happened?|I thought you turned him down.
- You turned him down?|- I thought about it, and I reconsidered.
- What did you do? Ask him out?|- You asked him out? - Tell me you didn't ask him out.
|- I didn't ask him out.
I just made sure he knew I was available.
- Better, Mom?|- No, that's not better.
Rory, you're in Yale, not Amsterdam.
How you conduct yourself socially|is as important as how you conduct yourself academically.
I promise, it was very proper.
Yes, Mom, she had a nice|Tiffany lampshade over her red light.
Do you know where the boy's from,|who his parents are? No, I plan to find that out on the date.
- What are you gonna wear?|- I don't know.
- Want to borrow something?|- No, she does not.
What's that mean? It's bad enough you haven't taught her|how to interact with the opposite sex.
You will not dress her up in|one of your "Sex and the City" ensembles and send her out to tell the entire campus: "Don't worry.
I'll ask you.
" How do you know about "Sex and the City?" Something like this|outside against a wall very "Little House on the Prairie"|with a twist.
I love "Little House on the Prairie.
"|Jack the dog.
Where is Lindsay Sidney Greenbush? When she came tumbling down the hill,|I would just laugh.
- Lorelai?|- Yeah? - What do you think?|- I don't know.
I'm not really sure.
Just keep in mind that anything|you see here I can have duplicated.
I've got this guy in Delaware who can|knock off anything for half the price.
- Maybe we should go.
|- What? We just got started.
Then maybe we should think|some more before we shop.
What are you talking about?|We've been thinking for months.
Let's start buying.
|Holy mother of God.
This bench is $15,000.
- We can find something else.
|- We don't have to find something else.
- What are you talking about?|- We have no problem paying full price.
- What?|- Yeah.
No money problems|or problems of any kind.
Our lives are perfect.
We have|no complaints and plenty of money.
- What're you talking about?|- You know what? I see a lawn jockey out there|that looks very interesting.
I'll be back.
We cannot afford that bench.
I know that.
I don't want her to know that.
- Her Natalie, her?|- Yes.
- Why?|- Because it could get back to my mother.
- What could?|- That we have money problems.
- We do have money problems.
|- But I don't want my mother knowing that.
I don't want any personal information|leaked out.
- In Emily's hands, that could be a weapon.
|- Natalie's not gonna say anything.
How do you know she's not filling her in|on our every move on a daily basis? - You're being paranoid.
|- Oh, yeah? My mother found out|about you being pregnant.
- Not from Natalie.
|- How do you know? Because Natalie herself didn't know|until about a half an hour ago.
- That's her story.
|- Okay.
This is getting crazy now.
You've got to go out there|and talk to her about this.
- I don't know.
|- It's the only fair thing.
Come on.
Go.
Look, Natalie,|I have to say something to you.
I feel a tad silly even mentioning it,|but I think I have to.
Did I do something that- No.
You did nothing.
|You've been great, really.
Just great ideas, great attitude.
|It's just that you know my mother.
- Yes?|- That's it.
You know my mother.
And my mother and I don't exactly have|the smoothest of relationships.
Right.
I mean,|we're not warring or anything.
But it's just that we're very different and I feel kind of weird|sharing things with her.
I promise you, I haven't been in contact|with your mother for a long time.
Maybe twice she called|to get a couple of names.
But that was it.
I hadn't even met you yet.
So trust me.
She knows nothing|that you haven't told her yourself.
- Okay.
I feel really stupid right now.
|- No, don't.
I enjoyed working with your mother.
But this inn is the kind of thing|that I love to do.
The place has incredible potential.
Somebody's gonna get a chance|to make it a wonderful inn.
I would be heartsick|if I lost this opportunity.
I haven't spoken to Emily in months.
|I doubt I'll be speaking to her in the future.
- I promise.
|- Okay.
- Really?|- Absolutely.
- I'm so glad.
|- So am I.
So now that I talked myself|back into a job what do you think the outlook|for this lawn jockey is? Not good.
- Emily would hate it.
|- Wrap it up.
Okay.
So this is option number four.
- Tanna.
|- Yes? We're doing the whole bonding thing now.
Okay.
Sorry.
Start again.
What do you think? Men respond subconsciously|to a woman's pheromones.
You should run in place till he gets here.
- It'll give you a nice musk.
|- Go back to your leg.
Roommates meeting starts|in two minutes.
I told you to stop with the math|and the Sharpies on my good sheets.
Okay.
Sorry.
How come the puppy doesn't pee|on your bed? - I'll be right out, Paris.
|- Hurry up.
All right, everyone.
Take a seat, please.
Rory, one last curtsy, and let's move.
My date will be here in 10 minutes,|so talk fast.
Thank you all for coming.
I'd like to start this meeting by saying|that no one here is on trial.
This meeting is about healing,|it is about redemption about accepting responsibility|and making amends.
I don't believe this.
This is a forum for us|to air our grievances so we can resolve them|and go on with our lives.
Since I'm already standing,|why don't I start? This is thrilling.
Setting your alarm|for 5:30 in the morning when no one else here|shares the desire to put on nylon shorts and run in circles for an hour|like a greyhound is selfish.
I have a partial athletic scholarship, Paris.
The grunting and sweating,|there're plastic balls everywhere.
- One balance ball.
|- No one can sleep.
No one can breathe.
Rory missed breakfast the other day.
You've seen Rory eat.
|She cannot miss breakfast.
- Paris has a point there.
|- Excuse me, if I remember correctly Rory missed breakfast|because you turned her alarm off.
Janet does have a point there.
While we're airing grievances,|what about your stupid craft area? Everywhere you turn,|there's glitter or seashells or macaroni.
And the smell of the glue.
I make things we can all enjoy.
|I am contributing.
The coasters I make are for everyone.
|Those push-ups are for only you.
- I vote we get rid of craft corner.
|- No.
That's my emotional homework! - Okay, let's just all calm down for a sec.
|- No.
I cannot calm down.
I've tried to be reasonable.
I've told myself over and over: "Imagine what she's been through|to turn out like that.
" - A lot!|- But you're impossible! - I'm sick of your constant negativity!|- You're on steroids, aren't you? That's what's behind|this obsessive behavior.
You're calling me obsessive? Excuse me.
I'm not intimidated or afraid of you.
Hi.
You ready to go? Just one sec.
We're finishing up|a roommates meeting.
- I'll race you.
|- What? To Hewitt's quad and back.
|I win, no alarm before 7:00 a.
m.
You win, I move my crafts area|into Rory's and my room.
- Forget it.
I am not gonna race-|- On your marks, get set, go.
Now they're gonna have a nice musk.
- Shall we?|- After you.
Man bearing bags of food.
Come in.
- I went a little overboard here.
|- No such thing.
I got tons of fries, half a pumpkin pie.
- You got whipped cream?|- Always.
I wasn't sure what to do with the burgers.
Sometimes you order double cheese,|sometimes you don't.
So I brought one with|normal cheese and one with - What did you do?|- I ordered food.
- I said I'd bring food.
|- So I can't contribute? Like I'm a piker? No.
Just that I didn't need to bring food.
Well, I'm leftover girl.
I'll have burgers tonight|and the Chinese food during the week.
You just should have ordered|the Chinese fresh tomorrow.
I don't like fresh Chinese food.
|I like stale Chinese food.
I give up.
- I got you a nice, cold beer.
|- Appreciate it.
Okay.
You are one click away from "Casablanca.
" - Start it up.
|- No.
- You need to get situated.
You situated?|- I'm situated.
You need to squish around a little.
|Come on.
Squish around a little bit.
I'm fine how I am.
Okay, but you can't squish|during the movie because it's distracting.
|That's rule number one.
- There's rules?|- Yeah.
Especially for a true classic|like "Casablanca.
" It's not like we're watching|a there's-nothing-else-on movie or a guilty pleasure like "Hardbodies.
" - Have you seen "Hardbodies?"|- I don't think so.
Three middle-aged guys rent a beach|house and they hire a young local stud to introduce them to cute girls,|a.
k.
a.
hardbodies.
- Let's see that.
|- No, Luke.
We're seeing "Casablanca.
" - Then let's see that.
|- Rest of the rules: No talking during the movie.
|No exceptions during a true classic.
And minimize distraction.
No shifting around a lot,|no phone calls, nothing.
No going to the bathroom.
If you go, you miss the movie,|because we're not pausing.
It's the only way to get|the flow of the thing.
- Fair enough.
|- Okay.
Here we go.
What's that? No talking during the movie and B: Don't tell me you've never seen|the FBl warning before.
- It's new to me.
|- Oh, my God.
You're beyond Monk.
You're uber Monk.
- Just start it up.
I won't talk again.
|- Just one more warning.
When they showed the first motion picture|over a 100 years ago it featured a train|rushing toward the camera and people were so sure the train was going to burst|off the screen and crush them that they ran away in terror.
Now, Luke, the train is not|going to leave the screen.
- Hit the button.
|- Okay.
Hang on to this.
|We'll page you when the table's ready.
Thank you.
A riot of color.
Geeky but cool.
- Ever been to Italy?|- No.
Yes.
What am I saying?|Yes.
I was just there.
- Hard thing to forget.
|- Yeah.
I'm just so used to not having been anywhere.
- But yeah, I have.
|- What's it like? Terrific.
Boy, they have these places all over.
Two in Miami, Detroit.
|Hey, two in my hometown.
- Now, that's a great town.
|- Definitely.
- So you've been there?|- Where? - Chicago.
|- Is that where you're from? - I thought you saw where I was pointing.
|- Oh, no.
I miss things about home|that I didn't think I'd miss.
My little brother Brian.
|He drove me crazy my whole life and now I can't wait for his e-mails.
- You have any siblings?|- No.
I read this article once|about restaurants like this where they have an open bowl of mints|you grab on your way out.
When people come out of the bathroom|a lot of them don't wash hands.
They'll grab a mint and walk out and people have studied the mints|and found traces of urine in them.
So they're urine mints.
- We're being paged.
|- Good.
Right this way.
- Thank you.
|- Enjoy.
Sam, I thought I told you never to play - Stop doing that.
|- No talking.
- Then stop doing that.
|- Doing what? Looking at me.
Vain party, table for one.
You know what I mean.
You're watching|me watch the movie.
It's creepy.
I enjoy watching people watch|certain parts of certain movies.
But you look over|before something big happens - so I always know something's coming.
|- I do? You did it just before Humphrey Bogart|saw Ingrid Bergman for the first time.
She's the co-star.
|You knew something was coming.
- There goes our flow.
|- We missed stuff while we were talking.
- You're back too far.
We've seen this.
|- I didn't know.
I was looking at you.
- We'll never get through this.
|- Mom, are you there? - Wait.
|- Come on.
Mom, if you're there, pick up.
- Honey, are you okay?|- There goes the phone rule.
This whole night is sucking.
What? How? You're right.
I've never dated before.
I know that now|because of this feeling I have.
I've never had this feeling before.
Sort of frozen, sort of unsure sort of wishing you'd read|a lot of dating articles? I have no idea what I'm doing here.
Everyone is staring because they know|we're on a bad first date.
- So the guy's a dud?|- Trevor's fine.
I'm moronic.
I bring the conversation to a crashing halt|every time I speak.
- Where is he now?|- In the bathroom.
Probably pondering my anecdote|about urine mints.
About what? People go to the bathroom and don't|wash their hands and take a mint.
Oh, my God, I've been eating|those mints for years.
- Hey, did you know about urine mints?|- What? I've forgotten everything he said to me.
The name of his brother|and sister and best friend.
We're sitting on the same side|of the table.
We keep bumping menus and my neck already hurts from trying to turn|and look at him when he talks.
Can I tell him to sit on the other side? Honey, you have to relax.
It's just a date, and sometimes|dates don't go well.
I'm sorry I can't be of more help|but if he's back and you're on the phone - it might make things awkward.
|- Bite the bullet, huh? Yeah.
Sorry, but yeah.
Okay.
I'll talk to you later.
Bye.
- Poor thing.
|- Dating's the worst.
Yeah, but they're sitting|on the same side of the table and that's awkward,|and she can't think of what to say next and she's just got to go through it|and figure it out on her own.
You just have to throw them out there and let them learn|what those wings are for.
She could say there's a draft.
- What?|- Where's she sitting.
She could say the air conditioning|is hitting her and switch - and blame it on that.
|- That's perfect.
- Hey, is he back yet?|- No.
Say there's a draft|and move to the other side of the table.
It's very ladylike to feel drafts.
- And he'll totally understand.
|- Okay.
Good.
Then ask what his brother|and sister's names are.
He'II like that you cared enough|to confirm.
- That feels right.
|- Don't worry about conversation.
Just talk, and if the talk|doesn't flow, it doesn't.
Stay away from urine-related topics,|and you're good to go.
Thanks, Mom.
The draft thing was Luke's.
- Thank him for me, too.
I'd better go.
|- Go.
Oh, good.
I feel so much better.
|She says thanks.
I wouldn't trade places with her|for the world.
You wouldn't want to go out|with a boy named Trevor? You might want to wait|and see his picture.
I mean dating.
It's a horror.
It's the only cure for the singleness thing,|barring ordering a spouse off the net.
- I missed nothing by not dating.
|- Not true.
If I had dated a lot, I'd still be single.
I'd just have spent a lot of bad nights|at Tony Roma's.
But dating is how you get to know|your potential partner.
There's the gut.
I can tell if I'm comfortable with someone|within seconds of meeting them.
I feel it here.
|I felt it with Rachel, I felt it with Nicole.
- I was immediately relaxed.
|- You've got the gut thing.
It's just knowing|that someone will let you be.
- That's a gut thing.
|- You're fast-forwarding.
- I just want to get to the good parts.
|- There are no bad parts of "Casablanca.
" Just go back.
Back.
I'm gonna go grab dessert.
Phone again.
- Who is this?|- Who's this? This is Emily Gilmore.
Who's this? Luke Danes, Mrs.
Gilmore.
|Your daughter's friend from the diner.
I'm not really supposed to be talking here.
|Hang on.
- Why did you answer the phone?|- You answered it before.
But that was Rory.
|You should have told her I'm not here.
- Then what would I be doing here?|- Light maintenance.
- You broke a rule.
|- You've broken every rule.
Dodging my mother's phone calls|isn't a movie-night rule.
It's an always-rule.
Hi, Mom.
What's up? You're telling people|they can't speak to me? No, Mom.
It's just a little movie-night rule.
If you and Luke wanna talk,|you guys can talk.
- I'm talking about Natalie Zimmerman.
|- Natalie? I called her today about sprucing up|a room for me she did a year ago and, as you would say, she blew me off.
What did she say? She said she couldn't help me out|but she wouldn't say why so I leaned on her a bit.
She cracked and said|she'd made you certain promises.
Mom, I never told her|she couldn't work for you.
- She said you did.
|- No.
Our agreement was- So there was an agreement.
- Yes, but-|- To exclude me? No.
Not exactly.
Perhaps it would be easier|if you just gave me a list of the people I'm not allowed|to have contact with.
So far, I know there's Natalie, and Sookie,|and Luke on movie night.
What about Richard?|Am I allowed to talk to my husband? Mom, this is just a big misunderstanding.
|Go ahead and hire Natalie.
But you'll still have a problem|with us using her.
I will cease working with her.
|She's all yours.
I'll tell her tomorrow.
Wonderful.
So it'll be my fault|she loses the job.
No, Lorelai, you keep her and I promise I'll never speak to her ever.
If she's bleeding on the side of the road,|I'll drive by, pretend I didn't see.
- Mom.
|- I have to go.
- I'm firing Natalie.
|- That's up to you.
- Consider it done.
|- I'll see you Friday.
Yep.
All right, I'll make it easier for you.
Go ahead and shoot.
|You'll be doing me a favor.
I know just how you feel, Rick.
Mom? Tell me he didn't fall asleep|during "Casablanca.
" No, we made it through that.
He fell asleep during "Hardbodies.
" How do you fall asleep|during a classic like "Hardbodies?" There's no accounting for taste.
- He looks comfy there, doesn't he?|- Yeah, he does.
So, you want to talk about it|or forget about it? There's nothing much to talk about.
|It was just bad.
I got better as the night went on.
|Talked a little more.
He was very nice, just not my type.
|And the whole draft thing backfired.
How so? I switched over|to the other side of the table.
Then he started to feel the same draft|and came over to my side.
- But we made up the draft.
|- The power of suggestion.
- Boys are so malleable.
|- It just all seemed so forced.
I felt like I was locked in|to this pointless societal ritual.
- There has to be another way.
|- Luke and I were debating that.
He thinks it's about gut instinct.
You know instantly|if a person is right for you.
I think you have to go through|a lot to find a contender.
You've been very lucky with boys before.
|They were just always sort of there.
But, I think, for the most part,|a girl's got to hunt a little.
- Go through a lot of non-contenders.
|- Yes.
Then the non-contenders|become your fun bad-date anecdotes.
In fact, on your next date,|tell him about your bad date.
- What if that date is bad?|- Then you have an anecdote - for your next date.
|- How long does this go on? You've seen "Grey Gardens.
"|It could go on forever.
- Just shoot me now.
|- Hang in there.
- Go with Luke's gut thing if all else fails.
|- Maybe.
- Yeah?|- I think my clothes were in there.
Yeah, somebody had already|dumped them out so I put them in my basket|to keep them clean.
- Hope you don't mind.
|- No.
Thanks.
That's the coolest laundry basket|I've ever seen.
I love The Smiths.
I had an older brother|that got me into them.
My friends were listening|to Hootie and the Blowfish I was memorizing "Meat is Murder.
" I've a mom who's cooler|than anyone you'd meet.
- She did the same thing.
|- Mine's a plain old soccer mom but she's great.
Being away like this makes you think|about stuff like that, doesn't it? Home? Totally.
Would you maybe want to get|a cup of coffee sometime? In between classes or something? I don't think so, but thanks.
You're welcome.
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