Gilmore Girls s04e08 Episode Script
Die, Jerk
- More broccoli, Grandpa?|- Absolutely.
Staves off the cancer.
Staves off my appetite.
You really should eat|more green things, Lorelai.
- I plan to eat a $5 bill later tonight.
|- Have you seen the new $20s? - They have a peach color in them.
|- Peach? Perfect.
I'll eat a new $20,|I'll have my fruits and vegetables.
I think we saw some of the new $20s|in Atlantic City, didn't we, Emily? - I think.
|- How was Atlantic City? Successful? Very.
Siskel's chimed in.
What about you? - I'm refraining.
|- It's a bit of a sore subject.
- We'll talk about something else.
|- The garishness.
Thus spake Ebert.
Why have a simple sign|if it can be in bright, flashing neon? And the new slot machines they don't just make|obnoxious bell sounds anymore.
They yell at you.
The slot machines were talking to you?|Sure it wasn't you? They talk.
I can verify that.
One of them kept yelling,|"Wheel of fortune! " The parking lot of the hotel|we stayed at, had an area for RVs.
- Perish the thought.
|- And the boardwalk I've always wanted to see|the Atlantic City Boardwalk.
I'll save you a trip.
Tip an overflowing trashcan|on your front porch and walk up and down on it.
It was actually quite a successful outing.
Maybe not to our taste,|but the clients loved it.
The clients were too plastered|to know better.
Kind of the point.
Two of them stayed up all night,|and smelled like it.
- That was a tad gross.
|- One of them, a married man had a long conversation with how shall I put this delicately,|a woman of less than reputable nature.
Do hookers charge to let you talk to them? Depends on what they're doing|when they're talking to you.
- Rory.
|- Sorry.
I expect that from your mother,|but not you.
- It's just a joke.
|- Yale is broadening her world-view.
- Digger was in his element.
|- You mean Jason was in his element.
- He caroused along with the best of them.
|- You carouse any, Dad? I played a little craps.
|The tables were ice-cold.
What's the next outing|Jason has planned for your clients? Spring break in Cancùn,|so you can do shots off people's bellies? - I'm uncomfortable hearing you say that.
|- Me, too.
I can assure you, Emily,|that there are no belly shots in our future.
Although doing one off Dad's belly is okay.
|You're married.
And those heinous gifts he gave out.
We had little roulette wheels printed up|with our company name on it.
They were a big hit.
|Perfect for an executive's table.
- I got one for each of you.
|- Don't.
It's embarrassing.
They're cute.
They're the antithesis of class,|so like Digger.
That was his nickname as a boy,|and he's sensitive about it.
I've never called him that to his face.
You did at that craps table,|and then he sevened-out.
Let's discuss something|other than New Jersey.
I am more than willing.
Have you guys read any of Rory's articles|in the Yale newspaper? - Of course, we've read them all.
|- Fine work, Rory.
- The "Yale Daily News" is lucky to have you.
|- It's really not a big deal.
- They're right.
Take your props.
|- You'll be running that paper before long.
- I'm not even on staff yet.
|- You're not? These are just tryout articles to qualify.
You have to write something|for every department.
If those pass muster, then you're on staff.
Your coverage of that lacrosse match|was very exciting.
For two seconds, I almost|gave a flying you-know-what about lacrosse.
I liked your coverage|on the new funds approved for upkeep on the Divinity Quadrangle.
- You made it sing.
|- We're having all your articles laminated.
- That's very nice.
|- Yes! Got my number.
It just seems like a quaint archaism.
If you're a good journalist,|why make you jump through hoops and write all these tryout articles?|Stale bagel.
It's a time-honored tradition.
|All our forebears had to do it.
If they had fought it,|we wouldn't be dealing with it now.
- What are you looking for?|- My article.
I did a review|of the chamber music recital.
Must be in there somewhere.
And that's the other thing.
|They print everything.
That's weird.
They'd print my mattress tag|if it fits the margins.
- It's not here.
|- Impossible.
- No, I've looked pretty thoroughly.
|- Must be a mistake.
It's really not here.
Parakeets will be crapping|on something else in the morning.
They're all stale.
Morning.
- Hi, Doyle.
|- Hi, Rory.
Coffee mint? No, thanks.
I'm addicted to these things.
|So is Bob Woodward.
So I hear.
Not that I'm copying him.
|What's up? I was wondering if there was|a problem with my review.
- Which was yours, the quartet?|- Chamber music at Sprague Hall.
Right.
- Did I get it in late?|- No, right on time.
You're good about that.
- But you didn't print it.
|- No, we didn't.
- So, space issue?|- No, we always have the space.
It was just a bit of a yawn.
- A yawn?|- Yeah.
Chamber music recitals are very low-key,|kind of yawny affairs.
- Pretty music, but no stage diving.
|- I meant the writing.
- The writing was kind of a yawn?|- Don't sweat it.
You'll do better next time.
- Right, sure.
|- My mother liked it.
- Liked what?|- The recital.
She's old.
Excuse me.
Sure.
- Your article didn't get in?|- No, it didn't.
Mine did.
Good.
I'm going to get a bagel.
He actually used the word "yawn"?|What a jerk.
- You should punch him where it counts.
|- He's just doing his job.
- He could've been more diplomatic.
|- The word "yawn" is insulting.
I was actually tired when I wrote it,|so it probably wasn't my best work.
I should write my articles|at night first, then study.
I still say yawn guy needs a little learning.
Yeah.
Kick him where the sun don't shine.
You really are not good at threats.
- I know, and I hate that.
|- I'll just chalk it in to experience.
- What time do you have?|-3:55.
Five minutes to my call with Dave.
|I should get home.
- Are we still mad at him?|- We never were.
That's right.
Must be Jackson.
We're mad at Jackson|for something he said to Sookie.
- No, we're not.
|- You sure? Must be Gypsy.
|We're mad at her husband? - She's not married.
|- This is gonna bug me.
So, how is Dave? He's great.
|I just wish he weren't 3,000 miles away.
How did he take the news you found|a replacement for him in the band? - He was a little weird about it.
|- That's why we're mad at him.
- We're not mad at Dave.
|- Must be Jackson.
I miss that boy.
- He'll be home for Christmas, right?|- He'd better be.
- This is my stop.
|- Say hi to the baby for me.
- Find out who we're mad at.
|- We're not mad at anybody.
We're always mad at somebody.
Hi.
Door is open.
Aren't they home? - They are home.
I'm not welcome in it.
|- What? - Lorelai, come on in.
|- I'm being discriminated against.
Go, enjoy.
- Michel can't come in?|- No.
- I'm Rosa Parks.
|- Why can't Rosa Parks come in? - He sneezed.
|- Five days ago.
I can't take a chance with the baby.
It's a business meeting.
|The baby should not attend.
He's a week old.
|Should he take in a movie? I got dust up my nose.
|It made me sneeze.
I am not sick.
- Come on in.
|- Sorry.
Not funny.
There he is.
Little Davey, peekaboo.
You have a widdle nose.
No, Aunt Lorelai's got your nose.
|Do you want it back? Do you? - He's not indicating that he wants it back.
|- Then I'm going to keep it.
This is painful.
- He said his first word this morning.
|- Who? Michel? - What did he say?|- He said, "A-oopah.
" Did you say "a-oopah"? Did you? You're very talented.
Did you know that? If I throw up, do you want it|on the bushes or the grass? - Michel, don't you like babies?|- I don't know.
I've never been near one.
I thought today was my chance.
- I brought pastries.
|- Excellent.
Do you want one, Michel? So I can look even sadder,|sitting and eating pastry by myself? - No, thank you.
Can we start?|- Okay.
I'm here to report|that the Dragonfly is officially demoed and stripped to its studs to the point where|it looks worse than ever and you can't imagine it|ever looking good again.
- Excellent.
|- There are big flying things out here.
But we're on schedule.
When I left,|the plumbing contractor was unloading all sorts of impressive-looking copper|pipes, so that's something, I guess, and Bruce.
- Hello.
|- I thought you'd gone.
- I came back.
|- There you go.
Bruce is not only a midwife,|she's also a lactation specialist.
- Is that the sneezer?|- It was dust.
What are these big green things|with wings? Bruce, I didn't get a chance|to tell you how impressed I was by the home birth.
It was just amazing to watch|and very special.
- Did you talk baby talk to Davey?|- Yes.
Every second|Davey's brain is hard-wiring for life.
Baby talk can retard|his language acquisition rate.
- Is that what you want?|- Definitely not.
I want him fully tarded.
This flying green thing is toying with me.
- In five minutes we'll feed.
|- Five minutes.
Did I tell you she donates her services|to indigent inner-city mothers? - It's okay.
|- This thing is getting ready to dive-bomb.
So, Davey, beautiful day,|what would you like to discuss? Middle-East peace, the space program?|I'm sorry, what's that? Oh, my God.
He said, "The answer|to the problems in the Mideast is: "I have to poop.
" - He got distracted.
|- And now there's no peace? Davey, come on, man,|hard-wire those adult thoughts and try to remember what we're talking And he said that|Thursday's impossible to start work.
- I reminded him about our contract.
|- Good, because he needed to be reminded.
- So that's all taken care of.
|- I'm being attacked by green things.
It's time to feed.
- This has been a very productive meeting.
|- Very.
Hi, Doyle.
Got something for you.
- Your new review?|- My new review.
Remember the "New Zoo Revue?" - Henrietta Hippo?|- Freddie The Frog.
Who was the third one? I'm drawing a blank.
When there's three of something,|you forget the third one.
It's a statistical thing.
- Do you want me to come back?|- No, let's look at it now.
I drank a lot of coffee before writing this,|so hopefully it won't be a yawn.
Good.
- Doyle?|- Just a sec.
- You're crossing everything out.
|- Not everything.
The only thing you haven't crossed out|is what you haven't read.
Hold on, okay? It's better than your last one.
|You're showing progress.
Really.
- Is this some kind of hazing?|- Hazing? I put a lot of time into this.
I know.
It's definitely not for lack of trying.
Is it something personal?|Did I do something to offend you? This is how it works.
|It's not personal.
It's just not very good.
I rewrote it four times,|and I researched it so thoroughly.
Don't worry about facts.
You've gotten|those right.
Stan, file this for me.
- So, it's not good?|- I couldn't tell what you really thought.
- But I tried so hard.
|- I know.
So, I should try less hard? Just write what you think.
|You have opinions, don't you? - Sure I do.
|- That's what'll work.
- Sounds simple.
|- It can be.
Charlie the Owl.
That's the third one.
Right, Charlie.
Guess I'll go.
Don't worry.
Either you'll get the hang of things,|or you won't.
- Just make sure this one's good.
|- Got it.
- Pretty.
Yale's got the big bucks.
|- I guess.
- This is gonna be fun.
|- It's work for me.
Are those our seats,|all saved and everything? One of the advantages|of being with the press.
Are you okay? I'm the happiest unpublished writer|in the newspaper biz.
- You are not unpublished.
|- I am recently unpublished.
Don't forget your lacrosse story triumph.
Maybe lacrosse is the only thing|I'm good at writing about.
And I'd never heard of it|before I was assigned it.
Hopefully, there'll be|plenty of well-paid, full-time lacrosse-writing positions for me|at the major news organizations.
- You need chocolate.
|- Chocolate and talent.
Stop that.
Maybe I'm just not cut out|for college journalism.
Maybe I peaked in high school.
|Man, that's a depressing thought.
You didn't peak.
This is just a different environment|and a bigger league - and that's half the fun, isn't it?|- Kind of.
Here we go.
I love these seats.
They're so important.
She recovered quickly.
The floor must be slippery.
I don't think the guy is supposed to wince|when he lifts the ballerina.
Maybe it was involuntary? She wasn't supposed|to kick him like that, was she? I don't think so.
It gives new meaning|to the word "nutcracker.
" That was terrible.
- From the opening kerplunk.
|- It just kept getting worse.
- I'm in physical discomfort.
|- That lead ballerina has no friends.
How can you tell? No one gave her the heads-up|on the roll of fat around the bra strap.
Maybe she just has|no friends in the ballet.
All ballet people do is ballet.
If she has no friends in the ballet,|she has no friends.
Holy moly.
I wonder how many times|I can use the word "blows" in an article - before it becomes redundant.
|- What are you gonna write? - I don't know.
What I think, I guess.
|- Really? Apparently, that's what was missing|from my other pieces: my opinion.
If you want my opinion that end curtain came down|way too slowly.
- I'll try to work that in.
|- If Vincent Gallo could just see this he'd feel a whole lot better|about "Brown Bunny.
" - Nice.
|- Nice? - Really great job.
|- Really? - Really.
|- Wow.
- Thanks.
|- Thank you.
Stan, get this to layout.
- I love doing that.
|- And you look good doing it.
- Coffee mint?|- Thanks.
This piece is beautiful.
|My wife's gonna flip.
Good.
It's very fragile,|so keep it away from young children.
We don't have children.
You should.
|Everyone should have children.
- Okay.
Thank you.
|- You're welcome.
- Lane?|- Yes, Mama? - I have something for Dave.
|- For my Dave? Something for you to send to him|in California.
Special gift from me to him.
- Really?|- Wrap it and take it to the post office.
Definitely.
This is sweet, Mama.
He's a good boy.
|He's going to make a good man.
- I agree.
|- I'm going to make some tea.
So, I looked up what Bruce said|about baby talk and she was right.
- You should never talk baby talk to a baby.
|- That's sad.
I've been calling all my friends|and relatives with babies to tell them to|immediately stop talking to them.
You mean, stop talking baby talk? No, it's better|that they just stop altogether.
- Ittle-bitty Michel.
|- Now, stop that.
I like talking baby talk and I can't do it to babies,|so I need an outlet.
And you're my outwet,|wittle Michel with the happy hair.
- Goodbye.
|- You no wanna eat? Look at him walking.
Big boy walkies.
I'm good, thank you.
- Nicole.
|- Hi, Lorelai.
I'll be Look at you there.
- Nice to see you.
|- Yeah.
Does Luke know you're here? - He's just in the back.
Do you want him?|- No, I don't want him.
I was just coming in for a bite|with a friend Not my imaginary friend.
My friend Michel was with me,|but he doesn't eat normal food so he's not coming in.
So, you good? - Very good.
And you?|- Very good, too.
I'm just still living here in Stars Hollow,|and Rory's going to Yale.
- I knew that.
|- Of course.
Naturally, you would be all filled in|because Luke's talking to you regularly.
I met a bunch of lawyers from your firm.
- Really?|- I did, yes, because, I'm They were coming in to see Luke,|and I'm in here a lot, so- - Yeah, they're good guys.
|- Really good guys.
They like you a lot.
They're the partners at my firm.
So they have to like you.
|So, is Luke coming out? He should be.
- You know, I'm not hungry.
|- No? I just remembered, I just ate.
- But it's really good to see you.
|- Same here.
Really good.
Okay.
So - Hello?|- Thank God.
Lane? I just had the biggest fight with Dave|that we've ever had - and it's all my mother's fault.
|- Your mother? Why? Get this.
Earlier today, my mom|asked me to wrap something she wants to send to Dave.
- Is it his birthday?|- No, this was something else altogether.
You holding on to your hat? I'm not wearing one,|but I can pretend to be.
- It's the jug.
|- What jug? - The jug.
The big jug, the monumental jug.
|- What jug? Remember when I was a kid,|my mother showed me this special jug that's been passed down|in my family for years in a long-standing Kim tradition|that she'll personally present to the boy I'm going to wed? - Oh, my God, the marriage jug?|- The marriage jug.
She's sending Dave the marriage jug?|What does that mean? I'm guessing it means|she's reserving a hall and ordering that|"Stations of the Cross" ice sculpture.
- This is serious.
|- No kidding.
- I had forgotten all about it.
|- I didn't.
It's been on that shelf all my life.
|I liked that it was there.
It was a nice tradition.
|I had pleasant associations with it.
Now I want to break it|into a million pieces.
- What inspired her?|- Who knows? Have you been sending out|a vibe or something? - No.
What kind of vibe?|- A marriage vibe.
I don't know what that is.
|Maybe.
I love Dave.
If you love a boy,|do you automatically send out a vibe? - I don't think so.
|- I feel weird just saying that.
Why did you and Dave get into a big fight? I didn't send him the jug,|but I had to give him a heads-up in case he called here innocently and my mom said something like,|"You rent that tux yet?" So, I did, and he was very against|getting the jug.
- You thought he'd be all for it?|- No, but he was way too down on the idea.
- Lane, he's 18.
He just started college.
|- I know.
Jug or no jug,|he's not ready to get married.
- I know.
|- And neither are you.
- I know.
Someday, maybe.
|- Yes, someday.
But not now.
Now we're about to get into a fight? No, there have just been enough|young people marrying in my life.
- I don't want any more.
|- Okay.
- What are you gonna do?|- I don't know.
She's going to expect a call|or a note from him thanking his soon-to-be mother-in-law,|or she'll be offended.
- Probably.
|- I guess I've got to talk to her about it.
I don't see any other way.
- Whoa.
|- What? Someone wrote something on our door.
|"Die jerk.
" - It says "Die jerk"?|- It's not coming off.
CooI things like that|never happen at Adventist SchooI.
- Rory.
|- Someone wrote "Die jerk" on our door.
I thought the person who did it|was back to make to keep the promise.
- Who did this?|- We'll find out and strike back hard.
- We're assembling inside.
|- Lane, I gotta go.
We're assembling.
- Sorry about the jug.
|- It's okay.
Keep me posted.
You, too.
Bye.
What's your business here? - Fun stuff, huh, guys?|- Yeah, it's ridiculous.
I may have been here when it happened.
- And you heard nothing?|- No.
Way to have that radar up.
Let's not make each other feel bad.
Hug a dolphin another day, all right? We need to rev up the gunships|and retaliate.
We gotta go full-out Sharon.
- There's gonna be another strike?|- You wanna wait to find out? First, we should each make a list|of our enemies starting with most recent,|and working our way back.
- Can't we let this go?|- It may just be a joke.
- I'm not laughing.
Anyone here laughing?|- I guess it is vandalism.
More than that.
This is an assault|that should be met head-on using extreme prejudice.
Now, let's face it.
|I'm the most likely target.
So I've already made up a list of enemies,|which I've narrowed down from 26 to five.
- Just at Yale?|- Just in this building.
- Maybe we should move.
|- Retreat? I think not.
There's a girl in my volleyball team|who's livid at me.
- I kissed her boyfriend.
|- I'm exceedingly dull.
Keep her close.
What about you? - Me?|- Made anyone mad lately? Please, that would be like|Dorothy pissing off The Tin Man.
- It's impossible.
|- I'm not leaving my room.
I'll keep you posted.
- My five are already taken care of.
|- They're taken care of? I got my East Side 860 partners on it.
|Now, let's move.
- Want to watch TV?|- Something light.
I'm with you.
- Hi, Luke.
|- Take a seat anywhere.
- Very hungry.
|- Yeah? You're in the right place.
- Twice.
|- What? This is my second trip today.
- Right.
You didn't eat?|- You knew I was here? - Why didn't you stay?|- I wasn't that hungry.
So, what's new? Got some new coffee pots.
- Anything else?|- New filters.
- Anything else?|- No.
- Anything else?|- Other than "no"? No.
Nicole, Luke.
Nicole was here.
She's the one who told you|that I was here and didn't stay.
She's new.
Nothing new? You saw her, so it's not new.
It's so new.
What's going on there? We're kind of seeing each other again.
- Thank you.
And, boy!|- It's not heavy-duty.
- So, you're not getting divorced?|- We put it on hold.
- The divorce? Can you do that?|- I don't know.
It's all new to me.
- So, is she moving in with you?|- No.
You're husband and wife.
|It's not a crazy question.
We're man and woman.
We're seeing each other|as if we're not husband and wife.
The state of Connecticut|sees it differently.
To the state,|you're sharing a toothbrush holder and deciding together whether|there's enough in the dishwasher to justify running it.
Hopefully, the state|will stay out of my way.
- What about taxes?|- What about them? - You file single, jointly? What do you do?|- That's not for months.
- You can't put it off.
|- I'm not doing my taxes right now.
- Capone?|- What? - They got him for tax evasion.
|- I don't plan on evading my taxes.
- Look, why are you pressing this?|- Because it's weird.
You think it's weird? Yes.
I am a cross section|of the community.
If I think it's weird,|then Rory thinks it's weird.
- Then Miss Patty thinks that, and so on.
|- We're not dealing with it right now.
We're just letting things happen|as they happen.
- We're going with the flow.
|- You're going with the flow? We're going with the flow.
That's so|strum your sitar, dig the maharishi pass the Owsley, Summer of Love,|flower power, hippie-dippie.
Can't stand it.
You don't have to.
I hope you're not expecting|a wedding present 'cause I'm putting it on hold|till this whole thing clears up.
- Fine.
|- It's a good present.
- You haven't gotten it yet.
|- It would have been a good present.
What is it? You don't like Nicole? I like Nicole.
She's very nice.
|I don't think she likes me.
She likes you fine.
|And, yes, she is very nice.
And I missed her and she missed me.
|So we're dating again putting off the hassle|of getting a stupid divorce.
Avoiding that hassle|is the nice fringe benefit of getting back together again.
The hassle.
Now we're getting down to it.
If the divorce wasn't a hassle,|would you have gotten together with her? - I don't wanna talk about it.
|- Is that why we're friends 'cause it'll be a hassle to tell me|you don't want to be friends? - What do you wanna eat?|- Eating's a hassle.
I'll just starve.
And I'll starve right here because it would be too much hassle|to get up and leave.
I'll work around you.
And if it's too big a hassle|to get rid of my body after I die of starvation,|just leave it here to decompose all nice and quiet.
No hassle.
- Good.
|- See you.
Wow, she's moving.
I was kidding about the decomposing here.
- But you still haven't eaten.
|- I'm not hungry, again.
Fine.
See you.
And I liked the old coffee pots.
|The new ones look stupid.
- Someone was looking for you.
|- Who? It's probably better|that they don't find you.
- You are very brave.
|- What? If you hear the rustle of tulle|coming up behind you, run.
Yeah.
She's over there.
Rory Gilmore? Remember me? - I don't think so.
|- That's very flattering.
- Can I help you?|- Let's see if this jogs your memory.
I have the grace|of a drunken dock worker? - Remember me now?|- The ballerina from the ballet.
That's right.
Your outfits are made of tulle, aren't they? - You're a jerk!|- I know.
You wrote that on my door.
- You're lucky that's all I did.
|- Should we go elsewhere? Your review was mean,|petty, and despicable.
Look, Sandra.
That's your name, right?|Sandra, this was all in the line of duty.
It was an assignment from my editor,|so there was nothing personal.
You called me a hippo.
No, I compared you to a hippo.
|That's not calling you a hippo.
It was a humorous comparison.
|I was trying to- To destroy me and my company.
No.
Think about it,|I bet that, more than likely very few people will even read the review.
And most people aren't even interested|in ballet in the first place.
It's unfortunate and awful, and I hate it.
|But what can you do? It's Avril Lavigne's world.
|We're just living in it.
Plus, most people left before the end,|and I stuck it out.
- That's something.
|- I'm curious.
How much ballet experience do you have? You must have a lot, since you write|about it with such authority.
None to speak of.
I had a few years|of beginners' class, and I stunk.
- Anybody write about it in the paper?|- No.
Good point.
I've been dancing three hours a day,|seven days a week, for 14 years.
I've done two summer sessions|with the Miami Ballet and I'm on the waiting list at Juilliard.
And now your review is out there|for everyone to see! You're a jerk! I just wanted|to come tell you that to your face.
You're a jerk, and I hope you die.
|Bye, jerk.
Die, jerk! - The door thing was about you?|- Apparently.
The strike is off.
|Stand down.
I repeat, stand down.
- Hi, Mom.
|- Come in.
You look tenser than usual.
What's wrong? It's your father.
|I wanted him to go upstairs and clean up but I can't pry him away|from that partner of his.
Digger's here? They're in the study|doing something computery.
When did we suddenly become|so dependent on computers? - Finally.
|- How far can I go, Jason? As far as you want.
|It should work anywhere.
- Fantastic.
|- Richard, our company's here.
- We have company?|- Actually, it's just me.
I suppose you're company.
|Say, are you and Rory wireless? No, we're pretty wired most of the time.
- Why are you carrying that?|- We're testing it.
Jason has just helped me hook up|a wireless network for the house.
Wi-Fi, it's called.
- Neat.
|- Is that necessary? - Lorelai, this is Jason Stiles.
|- We've met.
- Really?|- Emily, they knew each other as kids.
- You knew that.
|- That's right.
- Great to see you again.
|- Same here.
Look at this! I'm walking around,|and I'm still on the Internet.
- Emily, I'm going to google you.
|- You are certainly not going to google me.
It's a search engine.
|He's just gonna find you out in cyberspace.
- This sounds absurd.
|- No.
Can't use a laptop here.
|The signal doesn't reach.
When do you plan to use it|in the dark corner by the staircase? - You never know.
|- I don't like the idea of your using it - anywhere but your study.
|- I'm just testing it.
They're always fighting over toys,|these two.
It's crystal clear out here.
Richard, it's freezing outside.
- I won't be a minute.
|- Ridiculous.
I have to go check on dinner.
Excuse me.
So, how have you been|these past 25 years? - Good.
Moved out of my parents' house.
|- Rad.
Love the freedom.
- You don't have to hide the bong anymore.
|- Did you get any flowers lately? Several times.
|Apparently I have a secret admirer.
- I signed all the cards "Jason.
"|- I thought it was Jason Priestley.
You're disappointed.
No, I just wish I hadn't slept|with Jason Priestley.
- How's the new inn?|- Coming along.
We're gonna have horses.
- Talking horses?|- Just the regular ones.
- We could get married there.
|- Where? The inn, on horseback.
- So, you unwired my father.
|- Per Richard's request.
He wanted it.
- Emily doesn't.
|- I cannot win with her.
You're getting the triple freeze from her.
|Takes the onus off her daughter.
The more she hates me,|the more likely it is that you'll date me.
That's not necessarily the case.
- I gotta make serious progress with her.
|- Good luck with that.
Maybe I should get her|to invite me to dinner.
- I'm sorry.
As if you control these things.
|- I'm not God, but I have influence.
No way is she inviting you to dinner.
Would you have a problem|with me staying for dinner? No.
You won't stay|because you won't be invited.
- I will.
|- Let's see it.
- Hey.
|- Hi, hon.
Jason, this is my daughter Rory.
|Rory, Jason.
- Right.
Scooper.
|- Digger.
Sorry.
Digger.
It's nice to meet you.
|And I don't really go by "Digger" anymore.
- What is it, "P.
Digger" now?|- I'll just call you Jason.
- You're a very kind young lady.
|- Oh, dear.
Jason, I just hit F12,|and everything's going to hell.
Easily fixed.
How are things? - Surreal.
On a whole new level of surreal.
|- What happened? - I was harangued by an incensed ballerina.
|- That is Salvador Dali surreal.
What ballerina? From the ballet we went to,|the one I wrote about.
This girl marched up to me|in the dining hall and busted me|on the bad review I gave her.
Wait a second.
|Are people allowed to yell at the reviewer? I frown on it.
It's upsetting and ridiculous.
I'll probably laugh at it someday,|but not today.
- What did you write?|- I brought it for you to read.
Tell me what you think,|because my picky editor loved it.
- I mean, loved it.
|- Sure.
This is very weird.
Very weird.
- What?|- You really hated this ballet.
- We both really hated it.
Remember?|- Yeah, I do.
Jeez! - Now, come on.
|- This is so harsh.
Again, you were there.
I know.
But there's something|about seeing it in print.
People don't write as mean as they talk,|except you.
I wrote what I felt.
"The roll around the bra strap"? - That was your line!|- It was? I'm awful.
It's not even critical|of the ballerina's skills.
It's critical of the costumer's skills.
But it sounds like|she couldn't fit into a standard leotard.
She couldn't! But again, the costumer|should have put her in a larger leotard.
Do I see the word "hippo" coming up? - Give me the paper.
|- It's just so specific.
It's what I saw, so I wrote it.
|That's what the editor told me to do.
- Then you did the right thing.
|- I was too harsh.
You said yourself,|you were supposed to be.
- Rory, you're here.
Good.
|- Hi, Grandma.
Don't tell me Richard is|still traipsing around with that thing.
Richard,|please come inside and close the door.
Coming.
Jason, you're still here.
I wouldn't leave|without saying goodbye to you.
- What you got there?|- A laptop.
- The Gilmore house is now wireless.
|- Cool.
And the laptop is now going back|in its case because dinner is ready.
I'll be taking off.
|I've got a cheeseburger waiting for me.
Goodbye, Jason.
A cheeseburger? That's not a proper meal.
Please, it's my favorite meal.
- I've had one three times this week.
|- You're joking.
With the right bread and meat,|a cheeseburger can make a fine meal.
- Thank you.
|- You're defending cheeseburgers? - When was the last time you had one?|- This isn't just any cheeseburger.
There's this stand|that makes them special for me.
- A stand?|- I hear those can be very good.
Are we going to send this young bachelor|out for fast food? No, I couldn't stay.
I'd be putting you out.
- Nonsense.
|- I'm not sure we have enough.
- We always have enough.
|- No, I wouldn't hear of it.
Emily, my business partner is going|to be standing outside eating a cheeseburger.
Jason,|would you like to join us for dinner? The cheeseburger will just have to wait.
I'll tell the cook.
Cheeseburger.
- This food is incredible, Emily.
|- Yeah.
It's my first lobster thermidor.
- Your recipe?|- No.
Can you thermidor other foods fish thermidor, Spam thermidor,|enchiladas thermidor? I don't think so.
Cora, since we're five instead of four,|Richard and I will ration if we have to.
- I don't think rationing will be necessary.
|- Yeah.
You can just pick off my plate.
You've forgotten all about that burger,|I hope.
- After the first mouthful.
|- Good.
Having a computer|with a high-speed Internet access is gonna free up your time enormously.
- I should say so.
|- How? - How is it gonna free up his time?|- Yes.
He'll be using e-mail more, which means|fewer phone calls with chit-chat that you have to do|before you get down to business.
- That's what eats up most of the time.
|- E-mail seems very cold to me.
- But fast.
|- Fast isn't always better.
A good point, and very true.
Jason was saying|you'll get use out of this system, too.
Me? How? - The Internet.
Have you checked it out?|- I'd have no use for it.
I wouldn't dismiss it so fast.
|The Internet is more than just good porn.
- I'm on it constantly.
|- What do you use it for? Research,|like for when I can't get to the library.
- And for shopping.
|- Yeah, shopping.
- A lot of shopping.
|- Shopping? The stores you normally have to go to,|they're on the Internet now.
But going to a nice store|is half the fun of shopping.
I like being greeted at the door,|and the bustle of people and the shoes and clothes|all lined up nice and pretty.
- That's true.
|- Yeah, we like that, too.
Having someone help you|pick out the right thing or help you exchange it if it's not right.
With the Internet, what do you do,|mail it back? - We usually just forget.
|- Yeah.
- So you're just out the money?|- Pretty much.
- I don't get it.
|- I don't get it anymore, either.
We should go to real stores more often.
But the Internet is really good.
So, which camp was it|where you two met? - It had a funny name and canoes.
|- They all have funny names and canoes.
Was it Camp Waziyatah? Doesn't sound familiar.
|Which one asked me to leave? - You got kicked out of camp?|- I tried to liberate the horses.
- Camp Chataguay.
That's where we met.
|- That's the one.
I enjoyed camp.
Made some good friends.
|I met your father there.
- Dad? Really?|- We bunked together for a summer.
Incredible athlete and a good guy.
|A really good guy.
- He hated you.
With a passion.
|- What? - No, I don't remember that.
|- I'm pretty sure.
Didn't he try to dunk your head|in a toilet bowl after you heckled him|during some campfire talent show? No, I don't|My God! I've been repressing that.
That doesn't sound like Christopher.
No, it's okay, Richard.
|I'm positive I deserved it.
Rory,|I've been meaning to mention to you we read that wonderful review|you wrote on the ballet.
- It was excellent.
|- You eviscerated that girl.
I actually didn't mean to eviscerate her.
|I was just trying to be honest.
You honestly sliced her open|and ripped out her guts.
- Your pen was your knife.
|- Right.
I especially liked|the reference to the hippo.
That seems to be|the most memorable for people.
And the bra strap.
I'll give you a copy of it to read.
|It's terrific.
- It sounds interesting.
|- I just wrote what I thought.
The line about regretting how evolution|had led man to stand on two feet because it led to this night.
- Sorry.
I hadn't read that far.
|- Why are you apologizing? It's funny.
The ballerina had kind of|a negative reaction to the whole thing.
- So what?|- Don't feel badly about this, Rory.
Sometimes people don't know|at a young age that they're not good at doing something.
Now that poor girl|can go to business school.
- She's actually not as bad as she sounds.
|- It's rare to read a truthful review.
I was going to go see that ballet.
|Now I don't have to.
Thank you.
You're welcome, I guess.
We were just burned|by a dishonest review in the "Courant.
" That French restaurant.
They must have had the reviewer|in their pocket.
The man raved about this place,|and it was abominable.
The food was inedible.
And the service? I had to snap my fingers|to get our waiter's attention.
As a woman of taste I could use your recommendation|of restaurants in the area.
I've been away so long,|I'm just woefully out of touch.
I'm no more an expert|than the next person.
You're being humble.
- Cough it up.
You've been everywhere.
|- Multiple times.
If you're looking for a place|for a business lunch you can't do better than Portofino's.
They give you attentive service|without rushing you - and it's wonderful Italian food.
|- You can't beat Italian.
Is there anyone here|who doesn't love Italian? - Not me.
|- Or me.
Good to know.
Anything else, Emily? - You need more?|- Please.
I'm a desperate man.
Don't be shy, Emily.
|You're a walking Zagat guide.
- There's always Lil's for steak.
|- Steak's always good.
- I'm good with that anytime.
|- I love steak.
Really? So steak is good.
How about ethnic food? Indian? Thai? I personally detest Thai food.
Me, too.
Chinese is good.
- As long as it's authentic.
|- So cross Thai off the list.
- I would.
|- Same here.
How about something|with a more romantic atmosphere? Why would you need|a romantic atmosphere for business? - Yeah, why?|- I'd like to know myself.
A client might want a recommendation|for him and his wife.
- I would like to be prepared.
|- My partner.
That would be Mill on the River.
Oh, yes.
Very dark, very atmospheric.
- Sounds nice.
|- Very.
Good.
We've made progress here.
|But I'm monopolizing the conversation.
- That's okay.
|- Can I call you later to continue this? - Absolutely.
Call me sometime next week.
|- I'll be sure to do that.
- You want to re-review the ballet?|- Yes, I do, Doyle.
I have a brand-new perspective on it,|and on dance.
I was ignorant before.
|This would be a whole new piece.
- We don't re-review things.
|- There's a first time for everything.
I could buy my own ticket|if that's a problem.
But it closed early because of your review.
I did not know that.
But it's not a problem.
|I'll just redo the one I already did.
That ballet is seared in there,|so I could just replay it in my head.
Your review was great.
|People are still talking about it.
That's pretty rare.
Okay, what about just|a general-interest article - on the lead ballerina?|- Is she the hippo? No.
She is an accomplished dancer and her life is quite fascinating.
Did you know|that she studied dance for 14 years and has performed in Miami? Miami.
That's pretty big.
- Miami.
|- It's boring.
- She almost got into Juilliard.
|- That's not interesting, either.
No.
But these are simply background facts|of a fascinating personal journey.
A personal journey of an artist struggling against the indifference|of an indifferent society just dancing as fast as she can.
It's "8 mile" meets "Fame.
" - I know what's going on here.
|- What? You're feeling bad about the effect|the article had on the people in the ballet.
No, that's not it.
- I heard of the dining hall confrontation.
|- That was not really a confrontation.
- We were just chatting.
|- It goes with the territory.
When I was your age,|I reviewed a clog-dancing team that was really bad,|even compared to other clog dancers.
I was merciless.
But if I can't re-review it then can I print what I meant to put in,|and didn't have time to? Hurting people's feelings is what we do.
But when I become a real journalist the people in my reviews|aren't gonna live in my building.
Doesn't matter.
When you write for the "Yale Daily News,"|you are a real journalist.
- I didn't mean-|- If you can't handle it, you should leave.
- I don't want to leave the paper.
|- Good.
Here.
Your next assignment.
- Thanks.
|- Knock them dead.
Dinner is going to be a little late tonight.
|My gluten patties caught fire.
So we're switching|to spaghetti and wheat balls.
Mama, can we talk about something? - What's that?|- It's the jug for Dave.
I gave that to you days ago.
|Why haven't you sent it? I can't send it, Mama.
What do you mean? Of course you can.
I showed you|how to tape the bubble wrap.
- I mean I can't!|- What is wrong with you? - Mama, please listen.
|- All right.
This is important, and I want to be clear.
|I want to say it right, but it's hard.
I'm listening.
Dave is my first boyfriend,|and he's important to me.
- Very important.
|- I know that.
And his being in California like this,|it's been hard and it's even caused some problems.
But in other ways,|I think it's brought us closer.
Yes? But I'm still in school,|and he's still in school.
And while I respect you,|and I respect the jug and all that the jug represents all the bright hopes and all the tradition I cannot give Dave the jug.
Not now.
Maybe one day, but not now.
Okay.
- What are you doing?|- What do you mean? You're putting it|with all the clearance items? - You're selling my marriage jug?|- Your what? - My marriage jug.
|- What's that? The jug you kept to give|to the boy I'm going to marry.
What are you talking about? You told me when I was 6|that this was my special marriage jug that you'd keep on a special high shelf|for the boy I'm going to marry.
- This thing?|- Yes.
- It's just a jug.
|- What? I probably told you that|to make you stop crying.
You always cried when you were little.
|Gave me a headache.
It's just a jug? I've got tons of them.
|They're hard to move.
We could make it a marriage jug,|whatever that is.
No, never mind.
It doesn't matter.
- I'll send something else to Dave.
|- Good.
My wheat balls! So, why can't you|show your face at Luke's? It's just for a while.
Where are you? The theater.
That's why I'm talking softly.
|I'm reviewing some music thing.
So, why can't you go to Luke's? I got into an argument with Luke|about Nicole.
- Nicole?|- They're back together.
I didn't know that.
I walk into Luke's, and there she is.
And he hadn't told you? No.
I was the very picture|of awkwardness.
And, basically, I just fled.
And when I saw Luke later,|we got into a fight about it.
And I told him his coffee pots were stupid.
So it was very sophisticated.
He is so guarded, so uncooperative.
You should probably get over your|problem with Luke being uncooperative.
I don't want there to be weirdness|between me and Nicole if she's back in our lives.
Luke has gotta get it|through his thick skull that whoever is in his life is in my life, too.
Really? That's not a little stalkery? No.
We are a small, close-knit community.
- So, you're gonna tell Luke about Jason?|- What about him? There's something happening there.
- Not really.
|- There was a palpable vibe.
- Palpable to everyone?|- Just me.
Grandma and Grandpa were oblivious.
- Would that be crazy?|- What? - For us to go out together?|- All three of us? - Jason and I.
|- A little.
Well, I haven't decided.
I'm happy to report that there have been|no more run-ins with the ballerina.
- Good.
|- We're not destined to be buddies but sometimes|you have to make an enemy.
- When you have a job to do.
|- Then you have a job to do.
It's starting.
I gotta go.
- Okay.
Have fun.
|- I will.
English
Staves off the cancer.
Staves off my appetite.
You really should eat|more green things, Lorelai.
- I plan to eat a $5 bill later tonight.
|- Have you seen the new $20s? - They have a peach color in them.
|- Peach? Perfect.
I'll eat a new $20,|I'll have my fruits and vegetables.
I think we saw some of the new $20s|in Atlantic City, didn't we, Emily? - I think.
|- How was Atlantic City? Successful? Very.
Siskel's chimed in.
What about you? - I'm refraining.
|- It's a bit of a sore subject.
- We'll talk about something else.
|- The garishness.
Thus spake Ebert.
Why have a simple sign|if it can be in bright, flashing neon? And the new slot machines they don't just make|obnoxious bell sounds anymore.
They yell at you.
The slot machines were talking to you?|Sure it wasn't you? They talk.
I can verify that.
One of them kept yelling,|"Wheel of fortune! " The parking lot of the hotel|we stayed at, had an area for RVs.
- Perish the thought.
|- And the boardwalk I've always wanted to see|the Atlantic City Boardwalk.
I'll save you a trip.
Tip an overflowing trashcan|on your front porch and walk up and down on it.
It was actually quite a successful outing.
Maybe not to our taste,|but the clients loved it.
The clients were too plastered|to know better.
Kind of the point.
Two of them stayed up all night,|and smelled like it.
- That was a tad gross.
|- One of them, a married man had a long conversation with how shall I put this delicately,|a woman of less than reputable nature.
Do hookers charge to let you talk to them? Depends on what they're doing|when they're talking to you.
- Rory.
|- Sorry.
I expect that from your mother,|but not you.
- It's just a joke.
|- Yale is broadening her world-view.
- Digger was in his element.
|- You mean Jason was in his element.
- He caroused along with the best of them.
|- You carouse any, Dad? I played a little craps.
|The tables were ice-cold.
What's the next outing|Jason has planned for your clients? Spring break in Cancùn,|so you can do shots off people's bellies? - I'm uncomfortable hearing you say that.
|- Me, too.
I can assure you, Emily,|that there are no belly shots in our future.
Although doing one off Dad's belly is okay.
|You're married.
And those heinous gifts he gave out.
We had little roulette wheels printed up|with our company name on it.
They were a big hit.
|Perfect for an executive's table.
- I got one for each of you.
|- Don't.
It's embarrassing.
They're cute.
They're the antithesis of class,|so like Digger.
That was his nickname as a boy,|and he's sensitive about it.
I've never called him that to his face.
You did at that craps table,|and then he sevened-out.
Let's discuss something|other than New Jersey.
I am more than willing.
Have you guys read any of Rory's articles|in the Yale newspaper? - Of course, we've read them all.
|- Fine work, Rory.
- The "Yale Daily News" is lucky to have you.
|- It's really not a big deal.
- They're right.
Take your props.
|- You'll be running that paper before long.
- I'm not even on staff yet.
|- You're not? These are just tryout articles to qualify.
You have to write something|for every department.
If those pass muster, then you're on staff.
Your coverage of that lacrosse match|was very exciting.
For two seconds, I almost|gave a flying you-know-what about lacrosse.
I liked your coverage|on the new funds approved for upkeep on the Divinity Quadrangle.
- You made it sing.
|- We're having all your articles laminated.
- That's very nice.
|- Yes! Got my number.
It just seems like a quaint archaism.
If you're a good journalist,|why make you jump through hoops and write all these tryout articles?|Stale bagel.
It's a time-honored tradition.
|All our forebears had to do it.
If they had fought it,|we wouldn't be dealing with it now.
- What are you looking for?|- My article.
I did a review|of the chamber music recital.
Must be in there somewhere.
And that's the other thing.
|They print everything.
That's weird.
They'd print my mattress tag|if it fits the margins.
- It's not here.
|- Impossible.
- No, I've looked pretty thoroughly.
|- Must be a mistake.
It's really not here.
Parakeets will be crapping|on something else in the morning.
They're all stale.
Morning.
- Hi, Doyle.
|- Hi, Rory.
Coffee mint? No, thanks.
I'm addicted to these things.
|So is Bob Woodward.
So I hear.
Not that I'm copying him.
|What's up? I was wondering if there was|a problem with my review.
- Which was yours, the quartet?|- Chamber music at Sprague Hall.
Right.
- Did I get it in late?|- No, right on time.
You're good about that.
- But you didn't print it.
|- No, we didn't.
- So, space issue?|- No, we always have the space.
It was just a bit of a yawn.
- A yawn?|- Yeah.
Chamber music recitals are very low-key,|kind of yawny affairs.
- Pretty music, but no stage diving.
|- I meant the writing.
- The writing was kind of a yawn?|- Don't sweat it.
You'll do better next time.
- Right, sure.
|- My mother liked it.
- Liked what?|- The recital.
She's old.
Excuse me.
Sure.
- Your article didn't get in?|- No, it didn't.
Mine did.
Good.
I'm going to get a bagel.
He actually used the word "yawn"?|What a jerk.
- You should punch him where it counts.
|- He's just doing his job.
- He could've been more diplomatic.
|- The word "yawn" is insulting.
I was actually tired when I wrote it,|so it probably wasn't my best work.
I should write my articles|at night first, then study.
I still say yawn guy needs a little learning.
Yeah.
Kick him where the sun don't shine.
You really are not good at threats.
- I know, and I hate that.
|- I'll just chalk it in to experience.
- What time do you have?|-3:55.
Five minutes to my call with Dave.
|I should get home.
- Are we still mad at him?|- We never were.
That's right.
Must be Jackson.
We're mad at Jackson|for something he said to Sookie.
- No, we're not.
|- You sure? Must be Gypsy.
|We're mad at her husband? - She's not married.
|- This is gonna bug me.
So, how is Dave? He's great.
|I just wish he weren't 3,000 miles away.
How did he take the news you found|a replacement for him in the band? - He was a little weird about it.
|- That's why we're mad at him.
- We're not mad at Dave.
|- Must be Jackson.
I miss that boy.
- He'll be home for Christmas, right?|- He'd better be.
- This is my stop.
|- Say hi to the baby for me.
- Find out who we're mad at.
|- We're not mad at anybody.
We're always mad at somebody.
Hi.
Door is open.
Aren't they home? - They are home.
I'm not welcome in it.
|- What? - Lorelai, come on in.
|- I'm being discriminated against.
Go, enjoy.
- Michel can't come in?|- No.
- I'm Rosa Parks.
|- Why can't Rosa Parks come in? - He sneezed.
|- Five days ago.
I can't take a chance with the baby.
It's a business meeting.
|The baby should not attend.
He's a week old.
|Should he take in a movie? I got dust up my nose.
|It made me sneeze.
I am not sick.
- Come on in.
|- Sorry.
Not funny.
There he is.
Little Davey, peekaboo.
You have a widdle nose.
No, Aunt Lorelai's got your nose.
|Do you want it back? Do you? - He's not indicating that he wants it back.
|- Then I'm going to keep it.
This is painful.
- He said his first word this morning.
|- Who? Michel? - What did he say?|- He said, "A-oopah.
" Did you say "a-oopah"? Did you? You're very talented.
Did you know that? If I throw up, do you want it|on the bushes or the grass? - Michel, don't you like babies?|- I don't know.
I've never been near one.
I thought today was my chance.
- I brought pastries.
|- Excellent.
Do you want one, Michel? So I can look even sadder,|sitting and eating pastry by myself? - No, thank you.
Can we start?|- Okay.
I'm here to report|that the Dragonfly is officially demoed and stripped to its studs to the point where|it looks worse than ever and you can't imagine it|ever looking good again.
- Excellent.
|- There are big flying things out here.
But we're on schedule.
When I left,|the plumbing contractor was unloading all sorts of impressive-looking copper|pipes, so that's something, I guess, and Bruce.
- Hello.
|- I thought you'd gone.
- I came back.
|- There you go.
Bruce is not only a midwife,|she's also a lactation specialist.
- Is that the sneezer?|- It was dust.
What are these big green things|with wings? Bruce, I didn't get a chance|to tell you how impressed I was by the home birth.
It was just amazing to watch|and very special.
- Did you talk baby talk to Davey?|- Yes.
Every second|Davey's brain is hard-wiring for life.
Baby talk can retard|his language acquisition rate.
- Is that what you want?|- Definitely not.
I want him fully tarded.
This flying green thing is toying with me.
- In five minutes we'll feed.
|- Five minutes.
Did I tell you she donates her services|to indigent inner-city mothers? - It's okay.
|- This thing is getting ready to dive-bomb.
So, Davey, beautiful day,|what would you like to discuss? Middle-East peace, the space program?|I'm sorry, what's that? Oh, my God.
He said, "The answer|to the problems in the Mideast is: "I have to poop.
" - He got distracted.
|- And now there's no peace? Davey, come on, man,|hard-wire those adult thoughts and try to remember what we're talking And he said that|Thursday's impossible to start work.
- I reminded him about our contract.
|- Good, because he needed to be reminded.
- So that's all taken care of.
|- I'm being attacked by green things.
It's time to feed.
- This has been a very productive meeting.
|- Very.
Hi, Doyle.
Got something for you.
- Your new review?|- My new review.
Remember the "New Zoo Revue?" - Henrietta Hippo?|- Freddie The Frog.
Who was the third one? I'm drawing a blank.
When there's three of something,|you forget the third one.
It's a statistical thing.
- Do you want me to come back?|- No, let's look at it now.
I drank a lot of coffee before writing this,|so hopefully it won't be a yawn.
Good.
- Doyle?|- Just a sec.
- You're crossing everything out.
|- Not everything.
The only thing you haven't crossed out|is what you haven't read.
Hold on, okay? It's better than your last one.
|You're showing progress.
Really.
- Is this some kind of hazing?|- Hazing? I put a lot of time into this.
I know.
It's definitely not for lack of trying.
Is it something personal?|Did I do something to offend you? This is how it works.
|It's not personal.
It's just not very good.
I rewrote it four times,|and I researched it so thoroughly.
Don't worry about facts.
You've gotten|those right.
Stan, file this for me.
- So, it's not good?|- I couldn't tell what you really thought.
- But I tried so hard.
|- I know.
So, I should try less hard? Just write what you think.
|You have opinions, don't you? - Sure I do.
|- That's what'll work.
- Sounds simple.
|- It can be.
Charlie the Owl.
That's the third one.
Right, Charlie.
Guess I'll go.
Don't worry.
Either you'll get the hang of things,|or you won't.
- Just make sure this one's good.
|- Got it.
- Pretty.
Yale's got the big bucks.
|- I guess.
- This is gonna be fun.
|- It's work for me.
Are those our seats,|all saved and everything? One of the advantages|of being with the press.
Are you okay? I'm the happiest unpublished writer|in the newspaper biz.
- You are not unpublished.
|- I am recently unpublished.
Don't forget your lacrosse story triumph.
Maybe lacrosse is the only thing|I'm good at writing about.
And I'd never heard of it|before I was assigned it.
Hopefully, there'll be|plenty of well-paid, full-time lacrosse-writing positions for me|at the major news organizations.
- You need chocolate.
|- Chocolate and talent.
Stop that.
Maybe I'm just not cut out|for college journalism.
Maybe I peaked in high school.
|Man, that's a depressing thought.
You didn't peak.
This is just a different environment|and a bigger league - and that's half the fun, isn't it?|- Kind of.
Here we go.
I love these seats.
They're so important.
She recovered quickly.
The floor must be slippery.
I don't think the guy is supposed to wince|when he lifts the ballerina.
Maybe it was involuntary? She wasn't supposed|to kick him like that, was she? I don't think so.
It gives new meaning|to the word "nutcracker.
" That was terrible.
- From the opening kerplunk.
|- It just kept getting worse.
- I'm in physical discomfort.
|- That lead ballerina has no friends.
How can you tell? No one gave her the heads-up|on the roll of fat around the bra strap.
Maybe she just has|no friends in the ballet.
All ballet people do is ballet.
If she has no friends in the ballet,|she has no friends.
Holy moly.
I wonder how many times|I can use the word "blows" in an article - before it becomes redundant.
|- What are you gonna write? - I don't know.
What I think, I guess.
|- Really? Apparently, that's what was missing|from my other pieces: my opinion.
If you want my opinion that end curtain came down|way too slowly.
- I'll try to work that in.
|- If Vincent Gallo could just see this he'd feel a whole lot better|about "Brown Bunny.
" - Nice.
|- Nice? - Really great job.
|- Really? - Really.
|- Wow.
- Thanks.
|- Thank you.
Stan, get this to layout.
- I love doing that.
|- And you look good doing it.
- Coffee mint?|- Thanks.
This piece is beautiful.
|My wife's gonna flip.
Good.
It's very fragile,|so keep it away from young children.
We don't have children.
You should.
|Everyone should have children.
- Okay.
Thank you.
|- You're welcome.
- Lane?|- Yes, Mama? - I have something for Dave.
|- For my Dave? Something for you to send to him|in California.
Special gift from me to him.
- Really?|- Wrap it and take it to the post office.
Definitely.
This is sweet, Mama.
He's a good boy.
|He's going to make a good man.
- I agree.
|- I'm going to make some tea.
So, I looked up what Bruce said|about baby talk and she was right.
- You should never talk baby talk to a baby.
|- That's sad.
I've been calling all my friends|and relatives with babies to tell them to|immediately stop talking to them.
You mean, stop talking baby talk? No, it's better|that they just stop altogether.
- Ittle-bitty Michel.
|- Now, stop that.
I like talking baby talk and I can't do it to babies,|so I need an outlet.
And you're my outwet,|wittle Michel with the happy hair.
- Goodbye.
|- You no wanna eat? Look at him walking.
Big boy walkies.
I'm good, thank you.
- Nicole.
|- Hi, Lorelai.
I'll be Look at you there.
- Nice to see you.
|- Yeah.
Does Luke know you're here? - He's just in the back.
Do you want him?|- No, I don't want him.
I was just coming in for a bite|with a friend Not my imaginary friend.
My friend Michel was with me,|but he doesn't eat normal food so he's not coming in.
So, you good? - Very good.
And you?|- Very good, too.
I'm just still living here in Stars Hollow,|and Rory's going to Yale.
- I knew that.
|- Of course.
Naturally, you would be all filled in|because Luke's talking to you regularly.
I met a bunch of lawyers from your firm.
- Really?|- I did, yes, because, I'm They were coming in to see Luke,|and I'm in here a lot, so- - Yeah, they're good guys.
|- Really good guys.
They like you a lot.
They're the partners at my firm.
So they have to like you.
|So, is Luke coming out? He should be.
- You know, I'm not hungry.
|- No? I just remembered, I just ate.
- But it's really good to see you.
|- Same here.
Really good.
Okay.
So - Hello?|- Thank God.
Lane? I just had the biggest fight with Dave|that we've ever had - and it's all my mother's fault.
|- Your mother? Why? Get this.
Earlier today, my mom|asked me to wrap something she wants to send to Dave.
- Is it his birthday?|- No, this was something else altogether.
You holding on to your hat? I'm not wearing one,|but I can pretend to be.
- It's the jug.
|- What jug? - The jug.
The big jug, the monumental jug.
|- What jug? Remember when I was a kid,|my mother showed me this special jug that's been passed down|in my family for years in a long-standing Kim tradition|that she'll personally present to the boy I'm going to wed? - Oh, my God, the marriage jug?|- The marriage jug.
She's sending Dave the marriage jug?|What does that mean? I'm guessing it means|she's reserving a hall and ordering that|"Stations of the Cross" ice sculpture.
- This is serious.
|- No kidding.
- I had forgotten all about it.
|- I didn't.
It's been on that shelf all my life.
|I liked that it was there.
It was a nice tradition.
|I had pleasant associations with it.
Now I want to break it|into a million pieces.
- What inspired her?|- Who knows? Have you been sending out|a vibe or something? - No.
What kind of vibe?|- A marriage vibe.
I don't know what that is.
|Maybe.
I love Dave.
If you love a boy,|do you automatically send out a vibe? - I don't think so.
|- I feel weird just saying that.
Why did you and Dave get into a big fight? I didn't send him the jug,|but I had to give him a heads-up in case he called here innocently and my mom said something like,|"You rent that tux yet?" So, I did, and he was very against|getting the jug.
- You thought he'd be all for it?|- No, but he was way too down on the idea.
- Lane, he's 18.
He just started college.
|- I know.
Jug or no jug,|he's not ready to get married.
- I know.
|- And neither are you.
- I know.
Someday, maybe.
|- Yes, someday.
But not now.
Now we're about to get into a fight? No, there have just been enough|young people marrying in my life.
- I don't want any more.
|- Okay.
- What are you gonna do?|- I don't know.
She's going to expect a call|or a note from him thanking his soon-to-be mother-in-law,|or she'll be offended.
- Probably.
|- I guess I've got to talk to her about it.
I don't see any other way.
- Whoa.
|- What? Someone wrote something on our door.
|"Die jerk.
" - It says "Die jerk"?|- It's not coming off.
CooI things like that|never happen at Adventist SchooI.
- Rory.
|- Someone wrote "Die jerk" on our door.
I thought the person who did it|was back to make to keep the promise.
- Who did this?|- We'll find out and strike back hard.
- We're assembling inside.
|- Lane, I gotta go.
We're assembling.
- Sorry about the jug.
|- It's okay.
Keep me posted.
You, too.
Bye.
What's your business here? - Fun stuff, huh, guys?|- Yeah, it's ridiculous.
I may have been here when it happened.
- And you heard nothing?|- No.
Way to have that radar up.
Let's not make each other feel bad.
Hug a dolphin another day, all right? We need to rev up the gunships|and retaliate.
We gotta go full-out Sharon.
- There's gonna be another strike?|- You wanna wait to find out? First, we should each make a list|of our enemies starting with most recent,|and working our way back.
- Can't we let this go?|- It may just be a joke.
- I'm not laughing.
Anyone here laughing?|- I guess it is vandalism.
More than that.
This is an assault|that should be met head-on using extreme prejudice.
Now, let's face it.
|I'm the most likely target.
So I've already made up a list of enemies,|which I've narrowed down from 26 to five.
- Just at Yale?|- Just in this building.
- Maybe we should move.
|- Retreat? I think not.
There's a girl in my volleyball team|who's livid at me.
- I kissed her boyfriend.
|- I'm exceedingly dull.
Keep her close.
What about you? - Me?|- Made anyone mad lately? Please, that would be like|Dorothy pissing off The Tin Man.
- It's impossible.
|- I'm not leaving my room.
I'll keep you posted.
- My five are already taken care of.
|- They're taken care of? I got my East Side 860 partners on it.
|Now, let's move.
- Want to watch TV?|- Something light.
I'm with you.
- Hi, Luke.
|- Take a seat anywhere.
- Very hungry.
|- Yeah? You're in the right place.
- Twice.
|- What? This is my second trip today.
- Right.
You didn't eat?|- You knew I was here? - Why didn't you stay?|- I wasn't that hungry.
So, what's new? Got some new coffee pots.
- Anything else?|- New filters.
- Anything else?|- No.
- Anything else?|- Other than "no"? No.
Nicole, Luke.
Nicole was here.
She's the one who told you|that I was here and didn't stay.
She's new.
Nothing new? You saw her, so it's not new.
It's so new.
What's going on there? We're kind of seeing each other again.
- Thank you.
And, boy!|- It's not heavy-duty.
- So, you're not getting divorced?|- We put it on hold.
- The divorce? Can you do that?|- I don't know.
It's all new to me.
- So, is she moving in with you?|- No.
You're husband and wife.
|It's not a crazy question.
We're man and woman.
We're seeing each other|as if we're not husband and wife.
The state of Connecticut|sees it differently.
To the state,|you're sharing a toothbrush holder and deciding together whether|there's enough in the dishwasher to justify running it.
Hopefully, the state|will stay out of my way.
- What about taxes?|- What about them? - You file single, jointly? What do you do?|- That's not for months.
- You can't put it off.
|- I'm not doing my taxes right now.
- Capone?|- What? - They got him for tax evasion.
|- I don't plan on evading my taxes.
- Look, why are you pressing this?|- Because it's weird.
You think it's weird? Yes.
I am a cross section|of the community.
If I think it's weird,|then Rory thinks it's weird.
- Then Miss Patty thinks that, and so on.
|- We're not dealing with it right now.
We're just letting things happen|as they happen.
- We're going with the flow.
|- You're going with the flow? We're going with the flow.
That's so|strum your sitar, dig the maharishi pass the Owsley, Summer of Love,|flower power, hippie-dippie.
Can't stand it.
You don't have to.
I hope you're not expecting|a wedding present 'cause I'm putting it on hold|till this whole thing clears up.
- Fine.
|- It's a good present.
- You haven't gotten it yet.
|- It would have been a good present.
What is it? You don't like Nicole? I like Nicole.
She's very nice.
|I don't think she likes me.
She likes you fine.
|And, yes, she is very nice.
And I missed her and she missed me.
|So we're dating again putting off the hassle|of getting a stupid divorce.
Avoiding that hassle|is the nice fringe benefit of getting back together again.
The hassle.
Now we're getting down to it.
If the divorce wasn't a hassle,|would you have gotten together with her? - I don't wanna talk about it.
|- Is that why we're friends 'cause it'll be a hassle to tell me|you don't want to be friends? - What do you wanna eat?|- Eating's a hassle.
I'll just starve.
And I'll starve right here because it would be too much hassle|to get up and leave.
I'll work around you.
And if it's too big a hassle|to get rid of my body after I die of starvation,|just leave it here to decompose all nice and quiet.
No hassle.
- Good.
|- See you.
Wow, she's moving.
I was kidding about the decomposing here.
- But you still haven't eaten.
|- I'm not hungry, again.
Fine.
See you.
And I liked the old coffee pots.
|The new ones look stupid.
- Someone was looking for you.
|- Who? It's probably better|that they don't find you.
- You are very brave.
|- What? If you hear the rustle of tulle|coming up behind you, run.
Yeah.
She's over there.
Rory Gilmore? Remember me? - I don't think so.
|- That's very flattering.
- Can I help you?|- Let's see if this jogs your memory.
I have the grace|of a drunken dock worker? - Remember me now?|- The ballerina from the ballet.
That's right.
Your outfits are made of tulle, aren't they? - You're a jerk!|- I know.
You wrote that on my door.
- You're lucky that's all I did.
|- Should we go elsewhere? Your review was mean,|petty, and despicable.
Look, Sandra.
That's your name, right?|Sandra, this was all in the line of duty.
It was an assignment from my editor,|so there was nothing personal.
You called me a hippo.
No, I compared you to a hippo.
|That's not calling you a hippo.
It was a humorous comparison.
|I was trying to- To destroy me and my company.
No.
Think about it,|I bet that, more than likely very few people will even read the review.
And most people aren't even interested|in ballet in the first place.
It's unfortunate and awful, and I hate it.
|But what can you do? It's Avril Lavigne's world.
|We're just living in it.
Plus, most people left before the end,|and I stuck it out.
- That's something.
|- I'm curious.
How much ballet experience do you have? You must have a lot, since you write|about it with such authority.
None to speak of.
I had a few years|of beginners' class, and I stunk.
- Anybody write about it in the paper?|- No.
Good point.
I've been dancing three hours a day,|seven days a week, for 14 years.
I've done two summer sessions|with the Miami Ballet and I'm on the waiting list at Juilliard.
And now your review is out there|for everyone to see! You're a jerk! I just wanted|to come tell you that to your face.
You're a jerk, and I hope you die.
|Bye, jerk.
Die, jerk! - The door thing was about you?|- Apparently.
The strike is off.
|Stand down.
I repeat, stand down.
- Hi, Mom.
|- Come in.
You look tenser than usual.
What's wrong? It's your father.
|I wanted him to go upstairs and clean up but I can't pry him away|from that partner of his.
Digger's here? They're in the study|doing something computery.
When did we suddenly become|so dependent on computers? - Finally.
|- How far can I go, Jason? As far as you want.
|It should work anywhere.
- Fantastic.
|- Richard, our company's here.
- We have company?|- Actually, it's just me.
I suppose you're company.
|Say, are you and Rory wireless? No, we're pretty wired most of the time.
- Why are you carrying that?|- We're testing it.
Jason has just helped me hook up|a wireless network for the house.
Wi-Fi, it's called.
- Neat.
|- Is that necessary? - Lorelai, this is Jason Stiles.
|- We've met.
- Really?|- Emily, they knew each other as kids.
- You knew that.
|- That's right.
- Great to see you again.
|- Same here.
Look at this! I'm walking around,|and I'm still on the Internet.
- Emily, I'm going to google you.
|- You are certainly not going to google me.
It's a search engine.
|He's just gonna find you out in cyberspace.
- This sounds absurd.
|- No.
Can't use a laptop here.
|The signal doesn't reach.
When do you plan to use it|in the dark corner by the staircase? - You never know.
|- I don't like the idea of your using it - anywhere but your study.
|- I'm just testing it.
They're always fighting over toys,|these two.
It's crystal clear out here.
Richard, it's freezing outside.
- I won't be a minute.
|- Ridiculous.
I have to go check on dinner.
Excuse me.
So, how have you been|these past 25 years? - Good.
Moved out of my parents' house.
|- Rad.
Love the freedom.
- You don't have to hide the bong anymore.
|- Did you get any flowers lately? Several times.
|Apparently I have a secret admirer.
- I signed all the cards "Jason.
"|- I thought it was Jason Priestley.
You're disappointed.
No, I just wish I hadn't slept|with Jason Priestley.
- How's the new inn?|- Coming along.
We're gonna have horses.
- Talking horses?|- Just the regular ones.
- We could get married there.
|- Where? The inn, on horseback.
- So, you unwired my father.
|- Per Richard's request.
He wanted it.
- Emily doesn't.
|- I cannot win with her.
You're getting the triple freeze from her.
|Takes the onus off her daughter.
The more she hates me,|the more likely it is that you'll date me.
That's not necessarily the case.
- I gotta make serious progress with her.
|- Good luck with that.
Maybe I should get her|to invite me to dinner.
- I'm sorry.
As if you control these things.
|- I'm not God, but I have influence.
No way is she inviting you to dinner.
Would you have a problem|with me staying for dinner? No.
You won't stay|because you won't be invited.
- I will.
|- Let's see it.
- Hey.
|- Hi, hon.
Jason, this is my daughter Rory.
|Rory, Jason.
- Right.
Scooper.
|- Digger.
Sorry.
Digger.
It's nice to meet you.
|And I don't really go by "Digger" anymore.
- What is it, "P.
Digger" now?|- I'll just call you Jason.
- You're a very kind young lady.
|- Oh, dear.
Jason, I just hit F12,|and everything's going to hell.
Easily fixed.
How are things? - Surreal.
On a whole new level of surreal.
|- What happened? - I was harangued by an incensed ballerina.
|- That is Salvador Dali surreal.
What ballerina? From the ballet we went to,|the one I wrote about.
This girl marched up to me|in the dining hall and busted me|on the bad review I gave her.
Wait a second.
|Are people allowed to yell at the reviewer? I frown on it.
It's upsetting and ridiculous.
I'll probably laugh at it someday,|but not today.
- What did you write?|- I brought it for you to read.
Tell me what you think,|because my picky editor loved it.
- I mean, loved it.
|- Sure.
This is very weird.
Very weird.
- What?|- You really hated this ballet.
- We both really hated it.
Remember?|- Yeah, I do.
Jeez! - Now, come on.
|- This is so harsh.
Again, you were there.
I know.
But there's something|about seeing it in print.
People don't write as mean as they talk,|except you.
I wrote what I felt.
"The roll around the bra strap"? - That was your line!|- It was? I'm awful.
It's not even critical|of the ballerina's skills.
It's critical of the costumer's skills.
But it sounds like|she couldn't fit into a standard leotard.
She couldn't! But again, the costumer|should have put her in a larger leotard.
Do I see the word "hippo" coming up? - Give me the paper.
|- It's just so specific.
It's what I saw, so I wrote it.
|That's what the editor told me to do.
- Then you did the right thing.
|- I was too harsh.
You said yourself,|you were supposed to be.
- Rory, you're here.
Good.
|- Hi, Grandma.
Don't tell me Richard is|still traipsing around with that thing.
Richard,|please come inside and close the door.
Coming.
Jason, you're still here.
I wouldn't leave|without saying goodbye to you.
- What you got there?|- A laptop.
- The Gilmore house is now wireless.
|- Cool.
And the laptop is now going back|in its case because dinner is ready.
I'll be taking off.
|I've got a cheeseburger waiting for me.
Goodbye, Jason.
A cheeseburger? That's not a proper meal.
Please, it's my favorite meal.
- I've had one three times this week.
|- You're joking.
With the right bread and meat,|a cheeseburger can make a fine meal.
- Thank you.
|- You're defending cheeseburgers? - When was the last time you had one?|- This isn't just any cheeseburger.
There's this stand|that makes them special for me.
- A stand?|- I hear those can be very good.
Are we going to send this young bachelor|out for fast food? No, I couldn't stay.
I'd be putting you out.
- Nonsense.
|- I'm not sure we have enough.
- We always have enough.
|- No, I wouldn't hear of it.
Emily, my business partner is going|to be standing outside eating a cheeseburger.
Jason,|would you like to join us for dinner? The cheeseburger will just have to wait.
I'll tell the cook.
Cheeseburger.
- This food is incredible, Emily.
|- Yeah.
It's my first lobster thermidor.
- Your recipe?|- No.
Can you thermidor other foods fish thermidor, Spam thermidor,|enchiladas thermidor? I don't think so.
Cora, since we're five instead of four,|Richard and I will ration if we have to.
- I don't think rationing will be necessary.
|- Yeah.
You can just pick off my plate.
You've forgotten all about that burger,|I hope.
- After the first mouthful.
|- Good.
Having a computer|with a high-speed Internet access is gonna free up your time enormously.
- I should say so.
|- How? - How is it gonna free up his time?|- Yes.
He'll be using e-mail more, which means|fewer phone calls with chit-chat that you have to do|before you get down to business.
- That's what eats up most of the time.
|- E-mail seems very cold to me.
- But fast.
|- Fast isn't always better.
A good point, and very true.
Jason was saying|you'll get use out of this system, too.
Me? How? - The Internet.
Have you checked it out?|- I'd have no use for it.
I wouldn't dismiss it so fast.
|The Internet is more than just good porn.
- I'm on it constantly.
|- What do you use it for? Research,|like for when I can't get to the library.
- And for shopping.
|- Yeah, shopping.
- A lot of shopping.
|- Shopping? The stores you normally have to go to,|they're on the Internet now.
But going to a nice store|is half the fun of shopping.
I like being greeted at the door,|and the bustle of people and the shoes and clothes|all lined up nice and pretty.
- That's true.
|- Yeah, we like that, too.
Having someone help you|pick out the right thing or help you exchange it if it's not right.
With the Internet, what do you do,|mail it back? - We usually just forget.
|- Yeah.
- So you're just out the money?|- Pretty much.
- I don't get it.
|- I don't get it anymore, either.
We should go to real stores more often.
But the Internet is really good.
So, which camp was it|where you two met? - It had a funny name and canoes.
|- They all have funny names and canoes.
Was it Camp Waziyatah? Doesn't sound familiar.
|Which one asked me to leave? - You got kicked out of camp?|- I tried to liberate the horses.
- Camp Chataguay.
That's where we met.
|- That's the one.
I enjoyed camp.
Made some good friends.
|I met your father there.
- Dad? Really?|- We bunked together for a summer.
Incredible athlete and a good guy.
|A really good guy.
- He hated you.
With a passion.
|- What? - No, I don't remember that.
|- I'm pretty sure.
Didn't he try to dunk your head|in a toilet bowl after you heckled him|during some campfire talent show? No, I don't|My God! I've been repressing that.
That doesn't sound like Christopher.
No, it's okay, Richard.
|I'm positive I deserved it.
Rory,|I've been meaning to mention to you we read that wonderful review|you wrote on the ballet.
- It was excellent.
|- You eviscerated that girl.
I actually didn't mean to eviscerate her.
|I was just trying to be honest.
You honestly sliced her open|and ripped out her guts.
- Your pen was your knife.
|- Right.
I especially liked|the reference to the hippo.
That seems to be|the most memorable for people.
And the bra strap.
I'll give you a copy of it to read.
|It's terrific.
- It sounds interesting.
|- I just wrote what I thought.
The line about regretting how evolution|had led man to stand on two feet because it led to this night.
- Sorry.
I hadn't read that far.
|- Why are you apologizing? It's funny.
The ballerina had kind of|a negative reaction to the whole thing.
- So what?|- Don't feel badly about this, Rory.
Sometimes people don't know|at a young age that they're not good at doing something.
Now that poor girl|can go to business school.
- She's actually not as bad as she sounds.
|- It's rare to read a truthful review.
I was going to go see that ballet.
|Now I don't have to.
Thank you.
You're welcome, I guess.
We were just burned|by a dishonest review in the "Courant.
" That French restaurant.
They must have had the reviewer|in their pocket.
The man raved about this place,|and it was abominable.
The food was inedible.
And the service? I had to snap my fingers|to get our waiter's attention.
As a woman of taste I could use your recommendation|of restaurants in the area.
I've been away so long,|I'm just woefully out of touch.
I'm no more an expert|than the next person.
You're being humble.
- Cough it up.
You've been everywhere.
|- Multiple times.
If you're looking for a place|for a business lunch you can't do better than Portofino's.
They give you attentive service|without rushing you - and it's wonderful Italian food.
|- You can't beat Italian.
Is there anyone here|who doesn't love Italian? - Not me.
|- Or me.
Good to know.
Anything else, Emily? - You need more?|- Please.
I'm a desperate man.
Don't be shy, Emily.
|You're a walking Zagat guide.
- There's always Lil's for steak.
|- Steak's always good.
- I'm good with that anytime.
|- I love steak.
Really? So steak is good.
How about ethnic food? Indian? Thai? I personally detest Thai food.
Me, too.
Chinese is good.
- As long as it's authentic.
|- So cross Thai off the list.
- I would.
|- Same here.
How about something|with a more romantic atmosphere? Why would you need|a romantic atmosphere for business? - Yeah, why?|- I'd like to know myself.
A client might want a recommendation|for him and his wife.
- I would like to be prepared.
|- My partner.
That would be Mill on the River.
Oh, yes.
Very dark, very atmospheric.
- Sounds nice.
|- Very.
Good.
We've made progress here.
|But I'm monopolizing the conversation.
- That's okay.
|- Can I call you later to continue this? - Absolutely.
Call me sometime next week.
|- I'll be sure to do that.
- You want to re-review the ballet?|- Yes, I do, Doyle.
I have a brand-new perspective on it,|and on dance.
I was ignorant before.
|This would be a whole new piece.
- We don't re-review things.
|- There's a first time for everything.
I could buy my own ticket|if that's a problem.
But it closed early because of your review.
I did not know that.
But it's not a problem.
|I'll just redo the one I already did.
That ballet is seared in there,|so I could just replay it in my head.
Your review was great.
|People are still talking about it.
That's pretty rare.
Okay, what about just|a general-interest article - on the lead ballerina?|- Is she the hippo? No.
She is an accomplished dancer and her life is quite fascinating.
Did you know|that she studied dance for 14 years and has performed in Miami? Miami.
That's pretty big.
- Miami.
|- It's boring.
- She almost got into Juilliard.
|- That's not interesting, either.
No.
But these are simply background facts|of a fascinating personal journey.
A personal journey of an artist struggling against the indifference|of an indifferent society just dancing as fast as she can.
It's "8 mile" meets "Fame.
" - I know what's going on here.
|- What? You're feeling bad about the effect|the article had on the people in the ballet.
No, that's not it.
- I heard of the dining hall confrontation.
|- That was not really a confrontation.
- We were just chatting.
|- It goes with the territory.
When I was your age,|I reviewed a clog-dancing team that was really bad,|even compared to other clog dancers.
I was merciless.
But if I can't re-review it then can I print what I meant to put in,|and didn't have time to? Hurting people's feelings is what we do.
But when I become a real journalist the people in my reviews|aren't gonna live in my building.
Doesn't matter.
When you write for the "Yale Daily News,"|you are a real journalist.
- I didn't mean-|- If you can't handle it, you should leave.
- I don't want to leave the paper.
|- Good.
Here.
Your next assignment.
- Thanks.
|- Knock them dead.
Dinner is going to be a little late tonight.
|My gluten patties caught fire.
So we're switching|to spaghetti and wheat balls.
Mama, can we talk about something? - What's that?|- It's the jug for Dave.
I gave that to you days ago.
|Why haven't you sent it? I can't send it, Mama.
What do you mean? Of course you can.
I showed you|how to tape the bubble wrap.
- I mean I can't!|- What is wrong with you? - Mama, please listen.
|- All right.
This is important, and I want to be clear.
|I want to say it right, but it's hard.
I'm listening.
Dave is my first boyfriend,|and he's important to me.
- Very important.
|- I know that.
And his being in California like this,|it's been hard and it's even caused some problems.
But in other ways,|I think it's brought us closer.
Yes? But I'm still in school,|and he's still in school.
And while I respect you,|and I respect the jug and all that the jug represents all the bright hopes and all the tradition I cannot give Dave the jug.
Not now.
Maybe one day, but not now.
Okay.
- What are you doing?|- What do you mean? You're putting it|with all the clearance items? - You're selling my marriage jug?|- Your what? - My marriage jug.
|- What's that? The jug you kept to give|to the boy I'm going to marry.
What are you talking about? You told me when I was 6|that this was my special marriage jug that you'd keep on a special high shelf|for the boy I'm going to marry.
- This thing?|- Yes.
- It's just a jug.
|- What? I probably told you that|to make you stop crying.
You always cried when you were little.
|Gave me a headache.
It's just a jug? I've got tons of them.
|They're hard to move.
We could make it a marriage jug,|whatever that is.
No, never mind.
It doesn't matter.
- I'll send something else to Dave.
|- Good.
My wheat balls! So, why can't you|show your face at Luke's? It's just for a while.
Where are you? The theater.
That's why I'm talking softly.
|I'm reviewing some music thing.
So, why can't you go to Luke's? I got into an argument with Luke|about Nicole.
- Nicole?|- They're back together.
I didn't know that.
I walk into Luke's, and there she is.
And he hadn't told you? No.
I was the very picture|of awkwardness.
And, basically, I just fled.
And when I saw Luke later,|we got into a fight about it.
And I told him his coffee pots were stupid.
So it was very sophisticated.
He is so guarded, so uncooperative.
You should probably get over your|problem with Luke being uncooperative.
I don't want there to be weirdness|between me and Nicole if she's back in our lives.
Luke has gotta get it|through his thick skull that whoever is in his life is in my life, too.
Really? That's not a little stalkery? No.
We are a small, close-knit community.
- So, you're gonna tell Luke about Jason?|- What about him? There's something happening there.
- Not really.
|- There was a palpable vibe.
- Palpable to everyone?|- Just me.
Grandma and Grandpa were oblivious.
- Would that be crazy?|- What? - For us to go out together?|- All three of us? - Jason and I.
|- A little.
Well, I haven't decided.
I'm happy to report that there have been|no more run-ins with the ballerina.
- Good.
|- We're not destined to be buddies but sometimes|you have to make an enemy.
- When you have a job to do.
|- Then you have a job to do.
It's starting.
I gotta go.
- Okay.
Have fun.
|- I will.
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