Gintama (2005) s01e07 Episode Script

Responsible Owners Should Clean Up After Their Pets!

The land of the samurai.
There was a time, long ago, when our country was called by that name.
With the arrival of the "Amanto" from outer space Can't we skip this intro already? I'm getting really sick of it.
Huh? But there might be people watching this for the first time.
Don't bother.
It's a world they wouldn't understand even if we explained it, anyway.
They can follow along at their own pace.
Don't learn it, taste it.
What good is tasting it gonna do?! [The Client: Taizo Hasegawa, Chief of Foreign Bureau Department.
.]
[He's an important Ju-chin in the government.
When we say Chin, we don't mean that kind of Chin.
.]
I am very sorry.
We looked everywhere, but we were unable to find him.
It appears he is no longer within these grounds.
Don't be ridiculous! Chief! "Not here" isn't good enough! B-But I don't need your back talk.
You Edo officials just have to do our bidding! Use whatever means necessary to find him! You heard me-now get moving! Yes, sir.
Sorry, sir.
Chief! We must prevent word of this from leaking to the upper echelons.
I know.
I have a plan.
Hey there! You useless naturally wavy haired lout! Today I'm making you pay every penny of the back rent you've piled up! Yeah, I heard you, I heard you.
Guess I don't have a choice.
Here.
Adios.
Hey, what's with the 230 yen? You're not buying JUMP, you know! Worthless punk! I don't have it! That's all I've got! Try to understand at least that much, you clueless old bat! If you don't have money, go swindle an old lady or two.
Ain'tcha got any balls, curly? Always going on and on about petty things like money, money, money! If you wanna be seduced, just say so, you starved slut! What?! If you want me, you should've said so from the start! If you're tryin' to make me puke, I'd be happy to oblige you! You want a flood of complaints from the very start of this episode, too? Chief, that's the place.
Hmph! Look, I'll wait just one more day! If you still can't pay, you're outta here.
I'm serious! Let's go.
["Responsible Owners Should Clean Up After Their Pets".]
What're you going to do? She even took the 230 yen that you were going to spend on JUMP.
You'll be able to pay me this month's wages, won't you? I'm counting on you.
My household budget is already smelling bad as it is.
So is the breath of all those old guys packed onto the trains.
Shinpachi? Yes? You don't have a girlfriend, right? What's with this, all of a sudden? Interested in going out with an older woman? Her name's Otose.
Who the hell would go out with her! And what do you take a person's youth for?! Don't get your panties bunched up.
Money doesn't come to guys who really want it.
It comes to people who appear cool, and cause mayhem.
That would be you two! Just you guys alone would make anyone's indecisiveness go away! Huh? Tube's on the fritz.
Oh, it's coming in.
Ketsuno is on the scene.
Ms.
Ketsuno? Yes, this is Ketsuno reporting from the scene.
It appears that the mysterious giant organism that appeared at Oedo Hot Spa and destroyed facilities in the area, over the course of several hours, has disappeared.
Hey, hey Another alien got out of the terminal, eh? Quite a few, recently.
More than the alien, the bigger problem is how are we going to make a living.
That old hag.
If it's about the money, I already told you I don't have any! You rotten hag! Huh? Chief! Damn you! What do you think you're doing?! Sorry about that.
My mistake.
I'll come back another time.
Hold it! You're the Odd Jobs man, aren't you? Come with us.
Sorry.
Mom told me not go with strangers.
Didn't you learn not to disobey the law? You'rewith the government? We're with the Immigration Bureau.
We came to hire you for a job, Mr.
Odd Jobs.
When you say Taizo Hasegawa of the Immigration Bureau, you're talking about that big shot government official who oversees all Amanto immigration? A big shot? Does that mean he has a big schlong? A beastly one.
No, it means he's an important government official.
And Kagura, a girl shouldn't be saying such things.
At any rate, what does a government bigwig want with us? What do you want, Mr.
Big Schlong? Odd Jobs, was it? I heard there were people who would do anything if I piled on the money.
I've come to ask you to do a job.
A job? Are you guys doing yours? Look around town.
The Amanto are doing whatever they please.
That was harsh.
We're doing all we can, you know.
After all, Edo's developed this far thanks to them, you know.
And plus, they seem to really like this place.
So we can't treat them badly now, can we? And the Amanto already have their networks rooted in the heart of the government.
We have to stop dreaming that we can drive them off of the Earth.
All we can do is to try to coexist with them.
Hmmcoexist, eh? And you enjoy doing that? Well, never mind.
So, what do you want us to do? It's a job we can't move on very openly.
If it becomes public, the government will lose face.
The fact is the government is in a diplomatic crisis that could have a decisive influence on our country.
The prince of the Midland Star is staying here And the prince has a problem My pet, Pesu, has disappeared Might I ask you to collect him for me? Hey! Hold on! You guys do Odd Jobs right?! You'll do anything, right? No, I know! I know, but take the job! Please! Shut up or I'll break your shades, Baldy.
I'll yank off your beard, bastard! Go ahead, call me baldy.
You can yank off my beard, too, but just take the job! We're in a bind here.
The government borrowed quite a bit of money from his country.
What do we care? It's your problem.
If the country's gonna collapse just because of a stupid a pet, then it should go ahead and collapse.
What do you mean by "just a pet"? Pesu is like family.
Then please look for it yourself.
Prince Pinhead.
Hey! He's a pinhead, but he's still a prince.
A prince! Forget the one who leaves you, and prepare for a new love.
That's what a strong woman of today would do.
He wasn't jilted, and it wasn't a woman! He's a pinhead, but he's a prince! He's a pinhead, but We understand.
He's a pinhead, but he's a prince, right? That's right.
A pinhead, but a prince! I get it.
A pinhead, but a prince, eh? In other words, he's a pinhead prince? No, he's a pinhead, but a prince.
You keep calling him a pinhead.
That's very disrespectful to the pinhead Prince! You just called me a pinhead, as well.
Can't you handle a problem like that by yourselves? Well We have our reasons It'd be no problem for Mr.
Odd Jobs, right? No.
We may be called Odd Jobs, but we haven't lost sight of ourselves to the point where we would wag our tails for the government and do their errands for them.
Let's go, Shinpachi.
Kagura.
See ya, Big Schlong.
Just so you know, we intended to compensate you very generously.
So, what do we have to do? Yes, Boss, we'll do anything you say! That was quick! Let's mull this over a bit more! What I want you to find is this octopus-like alien named Pesu.
It's probably wandering around the city.
Anyway, I want you to capture it alive and bring it back here today.
Just because Pesu is like an octopus, would it be in the harbor? It doesn't matter.
It can be anything.
All we need is one lead, and we can go from there.
It works at speed-dating parties.
Hey, octopus jars.
What if we set them in that area and wait? Huh? Are you some teenager who can't confess his affections? Waiting doesn't get you love or help you find an octopus.
Stop this useless talk.
Let's go.
Hmm.
I know a lot about sea octopuses, but I don't know anything about land octopuses.
Why not ask a shop that sells land octopuses? I've seen many kinds of octopuses, but never one that looks like this.
Hey, Sabu.
Ever seen one that looks like this? Yeah.
I think I saw a small one like that at the shop on the main street.
So, did you want something? It's Pesu! Close, but no cigar! No, don't you think they look kinda similar here around the eyes? Do you look like your father? Maybe your mother? No! She's a human being! Are you people making fun of me? Okay, I've got it.
From today, you'll be Pesu.
Huh? I'm Vanessa! Okay, from today, you'll be Pesu Vanessa.
Just plain Vanessa if fine! Anyway, please come with us.
We're supposed to be looking for an alien octopus! Alien octopus? Huh? You know one? Now that you mention it, a girl who works here said that a stray octopus-alien was caught by the Humane Society.
That's Let's go, Shinpachi.
Kagura.
Right.
See ya, Pesu look-a-like.
No, I'm Vanessa! Gin, step on it or we won't catch up.
No worries.
It's more fun to chase than be chased.
That's why young girls grow up to be adults by falling in love with love.
There! Let's go! Hey, w-wait! Ow, ow, ow It's a squid.
Listen, this is just like going after a delicate young girl with a broken heart.
We mustn't chase after it too far.
The heart of a teen that runs away from home is also delicate.
Adults don't understand anything.
Gin? After all the searching we did, we've come back to the octopus jars Octopuses like being in jars.
Normally, you have to die before they put you in a jar.
You're talking about urns for ashes.
Gin, I was trying to tell you about this idea right from the start.
It's just a tad different, I'd say.
If searching around doesn't work, we just wait patiently.
You just got tired of searching! After running around all over the place, will this really work? It'll work out.
Welleruh It will work out, right? Do you know the meaning of the word "responsibility"? Guys like you always end up getting dumped.
Don't worry.
Give them some sweet talk, and any woman or any octopus will come wagging their tail.
Women don't have tails.
Neither do octopuses.
You were the one who said that! I don't believe it! He really fell for it! Umand who might you be? Vanessa? No, it's not! It's Pesu.
Pesu! Pesu? Get him! Stop, you! Hey! Stop shaking! You're not some young girl scorned by her boyfriend and treated gently by another man, you know! In that case, the second guy has all the advantages! In this case, our priority is to chase after Pesu! Now what?! We can't get out! Fine! Let's just roll around like this.
Whoa, déjà vu! He's fast! Pesu is fast! We'll never catch him like this! Idiots! Once your feelings start to run, there's no stopping them.
If we don't catch him you get to date some rich old hag, Shinpachi, you fool! Wives are passionate, stupid! Why is this my fault?! Look out! Ouch! We squished it! Ch-Ch-Chill out and help me find a t-t-time machine.
You chill out! And that again?! Sorry to keep you waiting.
Here's what you asked for.
OhPesu! That thing is dead! It's not even damage-free, the face has changed color! It's all right.
It's just at that age when it wants to wear makeup.
Happens a lot during adolescence.
All we did was flatten it with a jar and it turned out like this.
What a weakling! Flattened it?! You did this?! It's not dead yet! Just, barely alive.
"Just barely alive" is the problem! Leaving aside the fact that it isn't unharmed We should be thankful the damage was not any worse than this.
Damage? What do you mean? The seas on the planet where that thing came from are very warm.
Pouring hot water on it will return Pesu to its original size.
Hot water? What're you doing?! Boiled octopus, uh-huh! Wh-wh-what are you thinking?! Enjoying it in a delicious manner is the ultimate memorial service! Oh, it's boiled just right.
Y-You idiot.
P-Pesu?! No waaaay! Didn't you hear what he just said?! Pesu! Pesu's come back to life! Yahoo! I can eat my fill! See, look! It's alive! As if you had anything to be proud of! Whoa.
It's pretty strong.
You never told us it would grow like that! I didn't tell you, because you didn't ask! Give me a second.
I'll shut that punk up! Hold on.
Don't do anything on your own.
Don't injure it more than you already have.
Oh, I remember now! Is this that weird creature we saw going on a rampage on TV?! How're we supposed to capture something like this?! For that matter, how were you keeping it?! Pesu is an unknown organism discovered on a remote planet.
He became attached to me, so I led him back to my ship! He's not attached to you at all! It must be low on calcium.
Oh no! It's headed for the city again! Gin! Oh brother.
Kagura, go buy some soy sauce.
We're having octopus sashimi for dinner tonight.
Gotcha.
Soy sauce, it is! We're feasting tonight! No, maybe takoyaki sounds better.
It's lunchtime! Forget it! Ow, ow, ow! What was that for?! Is that my brain leaking out? You mustn't hurt it! The prince told us to capture it unharmed! Unharmed?! Is that even possible? That's why I hired you! Now make it happen! No way, no way.
I'm telling you, no way! Gin! Shinpachi! I told you not to hurt it! Help! It's going to eat me! Why you! I knew perfectly well that capturing it unharmed was impossible.
That pinhead prince won't get the message until the body count goes up a bit.
Hey! Are you listening to me?! So you're using my sidekick as pet food to get permission to kill that thing? You guys are rotten to the core.
I told you.
We have no choice but to coexist with them.
Corrupt or not, I'm going to protect the country my way.
That's my bushido.
I see.
Then, I'm gonna follow my bushido, too! Wait! It's one human being versus a whole nation.
Think about which is more important! I don't give a damn about that! Shinpachi! Hold on! Hold on, he says.
Damn it! It doesn't matter whether the government collapses or the nation collapses! Until my body collapses, I will live my life standing tall! Gin, your soy sauce! Oh brother.
That bastard's ruining everything! Ohhh, Pesu! My precious Pesu! It's like a fountain.
Hasegawa! What's the meaning of this?! I told you to capture him unharmed! How will you take responsibility for this? It's an international incident! Hey! Are you listening, damn it?! Live standing tall? It's almost like the goals a kid sets in grade school.
Come to think of it, Mom always used to tell me.
You're slouching.
Stand up straight.
And you enjoy doing that? MomamIstanding up straight right now? gawaHasegawa! I'm going to tell my father about this, Hasegawa! Shut up.
Shut up! I said shut up you freakin' space flounder! Was it all right to do that? Good question, moron.
This here is the land of the samurai.
I can't just let them do anything they please.
But you won't be able to police the Amanto anymore.
You'll be canned for sure.
Boy you're dumb.
People who act on sheer impulse always ruin their lives.
[Preview.]
Gin, will you stop lying around and get up already? Are you even motivated to do this show? It's only been two months since the series started! With the star of the show like this, we'll be cancelled before the end of the season! The next episode: "There Is Butt A Fine Line Between Persistence And Stubbornness" [Only two months into the show and the series' future is already in danger.
.]
[You think we should change the title character and start a show called "Shinsengumi Twenty-Four" next week?.]
Hey, Gin? Why is the title of this manga "Gin Tama"? Because of the raunchy title, "Gin Tama," people have been complaining saying "we aren't allowed to buy the book.
" From what I hear, it's part of the author's plot to make high-school girls throughout the country say things like, "Hey, say, did you see this week's Gin Tama?" He wanted to get it into the regular street talk.
Seems he failed miserably, though.
Well, that only seems right.
By the way, Kagura, what is that you've been eating? Takoyaki! [Pesu.]
Yuck!
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