Gintama (2005) s04e07 Episode Script

Any Place Can Become a Battlefield When Men Gather

Feeling all beat by 6 PM.
[The Takao-san Hour Smile! Is that Good?.]
Virgins tend to be timid.
Getting all bitchy by 6 PM.
[The "Good?" Middle Aged Corps: Mako Mansion Ken.]
Still gonna be a virgin tomorrow.
Kore wa pen desu.
This is a pen.
No shit, Sherlock! Yosan wo agete.
Give me money! We're the only ones using 4:3 in this day and age.
After all these years, the costs haven't changed! Apologizing when you don't even mean it.
Going "give me chocolate" when a jeep shows up.
Laugh away! Bitchin' sparking! Yay! There's always the next life.
So it's all good! Coming straight up! Tomoro Taguchi! It's all good.
It's all good.
Tomoro Taguchi! We'll take a commercial break now.
["Shocked by the Phone".]
Good evening.
Good evening! It sure was warm today.
Sure was! Did it rain by any chance? Sure did! Mention both and I've covered all the bases.
Sure have! Since we dubbed this in April.
Sure did! We have Ketsuno here.
It's a pleasure.
The pleasure is all mine.
Well then So yesterday, we introduced Shunnosuke Oguri-kun.
He hasn't made an appearance since a scene in episode 150.
Here's the red-hot super idol, Otsu Terakado-chan! Come on down.
Tamo-san, I've finally put out a CD.
Huh, you've never released one before.
Yes.
In the anime, they make it sound like I'm releasing single after single, but in real life, we get all kinds of complaints after I perform.
The lyrics consist of censored words to begin with The big honchos like Ani**** are always bending over for others.
The staff keeps handing off the job of deciding how to release the CD.
Let's move on.
Well, you've finally released a CD, so let's drop the risky talk.
So let's introduce your friend What?! Isn't it a little early? We haven't even done the hundred person survey yet.
We sang during the opening for the first time in a while, so we're out of time.
Sure are! What the hell?! You're okay with that?! Isn't that the wrong time to agree?! Sure is! Don't give me that shit! Sure thing.
Everybody, thank you so poop for coming to my concert today! Though it pains me, this will be the last song.
Of course, I'll be singing "Your Mom's a BLEEP"! Your mole looks a little off-color.
Ne-Ne-Ne-Ne-Necromancer! Thank you very much! Please be careful on your way home! Wasn't that crazy, Shin-chan? Otsu-chan's concerts are the best.
Nothing can replace the sense of unity in a concert hall.
If I had to find something wrong, it'd be their use of an acoustic version of the classic, "Your Grandpa Stands Too Much When He's Pedaling.
" The arrangement wasn't bad, but personally, I'd have preferred the original.
And for the classic, "Your Granny's Wearing Your Basketball Shoes," they turned the mic to the audience so we couldn't hear Otsu-chan singing.
Even if they wanted the audience to feel like part of the performance, it was rather unfortunate.
Hey, cut the griping, people! Concerts and CDs are good in different ways! Either way, Otsu-chan rules! Right, Shin-chan? Shin-chan? Chief, what's wrong? You seem a little down today.
Considering it was an Otsu-chan concert Is something wrong? You're right.
Today was an Otsu-chan concert.
The most important day for us members of the Tsu Terakado Fan Club.
A special day that cannot be replaced.
And yet Why are there only four of us here?! Sarge! State the 82nd clause of the Tsu Terakado Fan Club creed! Y-You must go to an Otsu-chan concert, even if it's the day of your parents' funeral! Open parentheses.
Sis is the exception.
Closed Parentheses.
That's right! Yet look at this showing! What happened to the other members?! Did you contact everybody?! Y-You've got it wrong, chief! Th-This is C-Crap Y-You idiot, Sarge! N-No, it's not what you think, Shin-chan.
Th-This is, uh They quit? Don't tell me those guys quit the fan club without asking me?! Don't give me that shit! I'll kill them all! Shin-chan! Which idol was it?! Which rotten idol did they switch to?! Did they forget the 14th clause of our creed: "Ignore any idol who isn't Otsu-chan"?! Shin-chan! C-Calm down, Shin-chan! I won't calm down! I'll barge into every single one of their homes and make them do push-ups while reciting the club creed! Y-You've got it wrong, Shin-chan.
They didn't quit being Otsu-chan's fans by choice! Then why aren't they here?! What the hell happened?! About that! Just let it go, Mr.
Shimura.
We could never tell you.
We didn't leave because of Otsu-chan.
Mr.
Shimura, we could never say that we couldn't stand your methods Wh-What's with all of you?! You're creeping me out! Furuta! Kawashita! Fujiyama! You're all You're all people who quit! What are you doing here?! Don't you feel ashamed to show your face here?! You should be the ones to feel ashamed.
Fan Clubs of hard-line idols are relics of the past from the age of Chinko Matsuda and Bakina Nakamori.
Your methods are old-fashioned.
Nobody will follow you.
The Tsu Terakado Fan Club has fallen.
From now on, yes I, I shall lead the new wave The Tsusengumi! Y-You're T-Toshi! ["Any Place with a Bunch of Men Gathered Around Will Turn into a Battlefield".]
Our story is set during the Warring Tsu Terakado Fan Clubs Period.
Tsu Terakado had overcome scandal and achieved the position of top idol.
Countless numbers of fan clubs engaged in a furious battle for dominance.
Men fell in battle as they strived for supreme hegemony, the title of official fan club.
On this corpse-riddled battlefield was a group of men considered the strongest.
The Tsu Terakado Fan Club.
The strongest otaku led by their brave general, Shinpachi Shimura! Veterans among veterans who had supported Tsu Terakado back when she sang on the street.
Bound by an ironclad creed numbering 99 clauses, they had frighteningly high morale and did not know defeat in battle.
They dominated every other faction in performance quality, energy, obnoxiousness and lack of women.
Their long history placed them nearest to the title of official, so they were under constant attack from other factions.
But the elite forces trained by the brave general Shimura were difficult to defeat, and the piles of their challengers' corpses grew taller.
It was difficult situation to change.
As many soldiers began laying down their weapons, a man appeared.
The brilliant general, Toshi! He appeared on the battlefield like a shooting star and cleverly manipulated the deserters into his own faction named the Tsusengumi.
Unlike the others who could only revolt and fight, he didn't fight.
He understood the workings of the heart of an otaku and enticed one after another to join from different factions.
In no time, he had the largest force of all.
The Tsusengumi he created, which covered everything from anime, manga, games, and other 2D media to 3D media, was not beholden to Otsu.
A group of chosen otaku who used all kinds of media.
You could call it a Universal Media Club.
His methods, considered to be soft-line, were refreshing to the hard-line, old-fashioned otaku who only followed Otsu.
An otaku creed began to spread.
It didn't take long for him to be considered a charismatic otaku.
And it goes without saying that the members of the Tsu Terakado Fan Club who were forced by ironclad principles to suppress their desires were the first to fall.
They could no longer hear the voice of the brave general Shimura, who once inspired fear in all.
Once on the verge of conquering the world, the Tsu Terakado Fan Club was now on the verge of ruin.
The arrival of a new star led to the curtain falling on this long period of war.
Yeah, this week's GinTama was short Why are you ending it already?! It's not over! The manga and fan club aren't over! How is that okay?! It's obviously not okay! And next week's is a totally unrelated story! This is just your personal wish! That's enough, yeah? We can end it.
The narration was pretty intense.
It can't be over! Only half the episode's been used up! How could it end at such a horrible juncture?! Just forget it.
We'd just have to listen to your eternal bitching.
It's a pain.
Don't wanna hear it.
Let it end.
I'm begging you.
Who cares about idols and whatever? Go do it by yourself.
It's a waste of time, you piece of trash.
You don't have to put it that way! I'm gonna cry! You should know how much effort I've put into this fan club! How much I love Otsu-chan! And now, the fan club is on the verge of disbanding! After cheering and supporting Otsu-chan this whole time Before anyone else did! And then some random guy shows up and steals my members and status! They're trying to steal my dream of becoming Otsu-chan's official fan club! Unbelievable I didn't think that man would still be alive I thought he'd been destroyed by now The curse has yet to be broken That man still lived inside of Hijikata-san And he's a suped-up otaku now! How can some half-assed idol otaku like us compete with that charismatic otaku? Do we even stand a chance?! Shin-chan! You can't give up! The fight isn't over yet! The Tsu Terakado Fan Club hasn't died yet! You still have a member! Right here! Takachin There should still be fan clubs that haven't been absorbed by him! Let's join up with them to fight against him! We'll show that guy! And the people who betrayed us! Our fight has just begun! As long as evil exists, their battle will continue.
Forever.
And GinTama just ended Don't end the series! Why are you trying to turn this into an incomplete manga?! It's true that these endings happen! That most endings are this way! But are you that desperate to not hear our story?! You're going to end the series so you don't have to hear it?! I don't really understand official fan clubs or the like.
What are you people trying to do? What? Official? So you win the war and become official.
Then what do you have? Do you get to go out with Otsu-chan? Do you get to kiss Otsu-chan? Do you get to **** or XXXX or !@##%%? You don't.
Official gets you a couple of biscuits and that's that.
Hell no! Why biscuits?! Then I'll give you some biscuits.
Good enough? Scram, moron.
Official moron.
Shut up, moron! Biscuit moron! Official biscuit moron! Hey, he has no intention of listening to us.
He isn't treating us like fellow humans.
Gin-san, it's a great honor to be acknowledged as the official fan club.
So far, we've been supporting Otsu-chan one-sidedly, but if we become official, that means that Otsu-chan is asking us to cheer for her! She'll be depending on us! Not much difference.
There is! Our motivation will get a huge boost! Basically, becoming official is like becoming the palace army led by the Shogun! Which means that those who aren't chosen are considered rebels! Could there be a greater dishonor?! It's such an aggravating thing to happen after cheering for so long! Then you can just join that group.
Then you can all be members of the official fan club.
We can't join a group with those people! They're a bunch of traitors and seditionists who encouraged the traitors! That's right! Besides, they're following all kinds of idols besides Otsu-chan! We're the ones who truly love Otsu-chan! We're more fit to be official! I don't need a member number below those freaks! Don't be so anal.
It's all the same shit, yeah? So just get along.
There isn't any difference between member #1 and member #100.
As far as an idol's concerned, fan club members are like smegma.
There isn't any difference between Smegma A and Smegma Z, yeah? 'Cause you're still smegma.
If you understand, go make up and drink a liter of soy sauce.
And die, you morons.
Gin-san! You're going to voluntarily surrender to my troops? I don't particularly mind, but I recommend that you calm down and reevaluate the situation.
I may have won the battle of size, but it appears that the title of official isn't something that can simply be won by numbers.
Y-You bastard How dare you show your face here?! Uh, could you not walk into someone else's house without permission? Mr.
Sakata, I recommend you turn on the TV.
What's with this guy? He walks into somebody else's house without permission and makes recommendations all over the place.
The interview has just begun.
We'll go to reporter, Shoji-san.
Yes, this is reporter, Shoji.
The interview has just begun.
Yes I love all the people who listen to my songs.
I consider them all irreplaceable.
Which is why I didn't want to assign ranks to my precious fans I really didn't want that That's why I tried to avoid having to make such decisions.
But I heard that my fans were getting into big fights as a result.
So I wasn't sure what I should do.
That was when this program came to me and asked if I would make a decision.
I'm going to make a Tsu Terakado official fan club! Strong as a diamond! Next time on TV Mix-and-match, The pianist battle to decide Tsu Terakado's official fan club! Measure of knowledge! Measure of stamina! Measure of willpower! Measure of effort! Measure of finances! Measure of Takeuchi! Measure of influence! Measure of super powers! Shout out with everything that might make you popular! Scream your love for Otsu-chan! The long battle between the men will finally be brought to a conclusion! The pianist battle to decide Tsu Terakado's official fan club.
Our program is seeking applicants.
Each team will be allowed to submit four members.
Please list your team name, your members' names Shin-chan? Th-This is This is it! Everybody! I'll be waiting on the stage, elephant poop is big! The winners will receive certificates proving them as official fan club members as well as a monetary reward.
Four members Please send in your applications! Our story is set during the Warring Tsu Terakado Fan Clubs Period.
Two tigers managed to survive the furious battle.
The Tsu Terakado Fan Club and the Tsusengumi.
Which will earn the right to be official?! The final battle of the otaku is about to begin! Beasts howl in the wilds! Uh, Gin-san, you're really annoying.
Did you get hooked on the narrating thing? [To be continued.]
[Preview.]
I-If we participate and win, we can still become official! So we still have a chance! The next episode "If a Friend Gets Injured, Take Him to the Hospital, Stat!" [The battle for the official Tsu Terakado Fan Club finally begins next week!!.]
[5000 people enter! Will Shinpachi's fan club make the cut?!.]
[See you next time.
.]

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