Gintama (2005) s04e16 Episode Script
Two Is Better Than One. Two People Are Better Than One
Man, I'm sleepy Three days without any action.
But he should be making a move soon.
Hijikata here.
No change here yet.
How's it going over there? Roger.
No, don't just roger me.
I'm asking how the back door looks.
How's it going over there? I prefer more MSG flavor.
Huh? Oh, just an issue on my side.
More like a taste issue.
[Whinery.]
Why are you eating in the middle of a stakeout? And your slurping's too loud! Hey, big guy.
You're bothering the other customers.
Could you stop talking on your cell phone? Roger.
Roger, my ass! Get back to your post! Bastardpisses me off.
Uh, excuse me.
Could you move? Huh? You're ["Two Is Better Than One.
Two People Are Better Than One.
".]
Look here You see? This is where everybody throws their trash.
It's not like this place belongs to you, ya know? Or what? Is this your trash can? He's half asleep.
He hasn't noticed me? Tch.
I just had to run into this troublemaker I don't have time to deal with him.
Stuff that belongs to everyone should be shared by everyone.
Stuff that belongs to you should be shared by everyone.
Like a reverse Jaian kind of thing.
[Note: Parody of Jaian from Doraemon.
His famous line is "Your stuff is mine, my stuff is mine.
".]
You have to follow the proper manners for sharing.
Got it? Yeah, I get it.
I get it.
My bad.
What kind of response is that? You think that's enough to get you out of any situation? Are you like a husband on his third year of marriage? Getting weary of the married life? I get it, so keep it down! Then look me in the eye! Ah.
Don't "Ah" me.
It's too early to be dealing with your blabbing.
I'm working here.
So the citizens can pile up their trash in peace.
So scram if you don't want me to drag you down to the station! What are you doing, psycho cop?! You're seriously pissing me off! Hey, hey, now.
You for real? Using binoculars to peep this early in the morning? And you're getting all excited? So you're like a sex offender? That's not funny.
Especially for this show.
Who are you accusing of peeping?! I said to stop blabbing! If you keep bugging me, I swear I'll arrest you for obstructing an officer's duties.
Go right ahead! You should take a look inside your own soul before you peep on other people's lives! Check out one of your embarrassing childhood memories! It might even make you cry! Huh? You're under arrest for interfering with a police investigation and insulting a police officer.
That's not funny! Behave yourself, damn it! Huh? Hey, Sogo.
I arrested someone for interfering with the investigation.
Take him to the station for me.
Roger.
Pops, give me some more noodles, extra firm.
Roger! Roger, my ass! Why are you ordering more noodles?! Get your ass over here now! You're late.
Master, whatcha doing? Nothing at all.
This is an unlawful arrest.
I didn't do anything.
Sogo, you aren't doing your job anyway, so take him down to the station and lock him up.
I can't do that.
My duty comes before my life.
Who was the one eating ramen a moment ago?! Huh? Er, the key's gone.
What? Hey, Sogo.
Use your key to unlock us.
Yeah, get these off.
Hey.
What is this, Okita-kun? Why are you cuffing me?! I'm going back to my post now.
Okita-kun! Get these off us! What are you thinking?! Well, don't you think it's a lot more fun this way? Then I'll be going.
Hey, hold up! Damn it, Sogo! Fine! Give me the key! Just give me the key! I told you to give me the ''key''! Not mayonnaise! What are you talking about? Aren't you always keen about mayonnaise? Clever! Very clever, but we don't need any puns right now! Take care of yourselves then.
Hey! Okita-kun! Don't be so hasty! You should have a more positive outlook on life! Sogo! Sogo, listen up, damn it! I'm gonna kill you later, Sogo! Hey, Okita-kun! You're coming back, right?! You're going to listen to your superior, right?! Damn it, Sogo! Don't look at me.
Hey, hey, hey Give me a break.
Why do I have to be stuck with Mr.
Master-of-pissing-me-off? Hold on a sec.
I didn't check my horoscope today.
How does taking out the trash lead to being paired with throbby-vein-boy? At this rate, all of my investigating will have been for nothing.
In any case, I need to get out of this situation pronto! Ack! Target's on the move! Hey! Why are you going that way?! I'm headed for the station.
They've got a spare key for the handcuffs, right? What are you babbling about?! We've been chasing this radical Anti-Foreigner Faction member for over a month! He's on the wanted list Yeah, yeah.
Whatever.
Let's go to the station and get these off.
A month of work will go down the drain if I miss this chance! Can't you understand?! Drain schmain.
You can play cops and robbers later.
Give me my freedom and justice already! The worst possible timing Hey, Sogo! Target's on the move! Follow him! Hey, Sogo! Bah! After him! Hey! The girl you like will run away if you're always on the chase! I can't let him get away now! It's got nothing to do with me! I'm going to arrest you for obstructing justice.
I've already been arrested! Cut it out already! Justice! Is this how you ask someone for a favor, bastard?! He's right I have to convince him to help or else nothing will get done.
I'll have to ask him What are you doing? None of your business! Uh, well Could you help me chase down an Anti-Foreigner Faction fugitive? Or yeah, somethinglike that Well? Huh? That's not good enough, Hijikata.
You need to get down on your knees and beg.
Shove it! And chase the fugitive, damn it! That's right.
On your knees.
That's the standard procedure for asking a favor, Hijikata-kun.
Fine.
Okay! I'm down on my knees! Okay! I'm down on my knees! Please help me chase the fugitive! Okay! I'm down on my knees! Ow! That hurts! Okay! I'm down on my knees! Cut it out! Why?! Well I won't get these handcuffs off until you agree to come.
I'll do as you say for now, so buy me a parfait.
Later.
I can't take my eyes off him right now.
Just capture him already.
It can't be that hard.
Our goal isn't to catch him.
Our ultimate goal is to follow him to their base and round up the whole lot.
Lot schmot.
Forget the tedious stuff and get this over with.
Shut up! Amateurs should keep their mouths shut! Hijikata, you're acting way too arrogant towards someone who's helping you out.
Be more polite.
I don't wanna hear another word outta you! And stop staring at us! We're following him in.
Act natural.
How is this natural?! Well, you know? We're going with the story that our parents were dancers so we have a natural tendency to dance.
That's not what I meant by natural.
Uh, you should say something about the rose first.
Where the hell are you watching us from?! Sorry to keep you waiting.
What do you think you're doing? I'm just eating this parfait.
You screwed up my aim with the mayonnaise when you moved your arm.
What do you need mayonnaise for? Why are you adding mayonnaise to coffee? Mayonnaise is an all-mighty universal condiment that works on everything and anything.
Are you an idiot? Damn it! Don't ruin my parfait! I didn't ruin it! Damn amateur Hijikata-san.
Hijikata-san.
What is it? I just remembered that I forgot to tell you something.
That mayonnaise I gave you Hi-ji-ka-ta-kun Had laxative in it.
I need to take a shit.
No way.
H-H-H-Hold it right there! What is it? I can't wait any longer! Think for a second.
Can both of us take a crap in the same stall? We can't! That'd be like a rendezvous in the restroom.
A rendezvous with our bowels in agony! You're right That thought is scary enough.
What do we do then?! Don't get too worked up.
We have knowledge and paper on our side! We can come up with the best possible plan Let's start with plan A.
One of us conducts his business while the other waits on top of the door.
But there's the risk that the person waiting will have to watch the act.
What's plan B? B The person waiting outside sticks his hand through the door.
But then the door can't be completely shut or locked.
Plan C Plan C While allowing the door to be locked and avoiding having to witness the act, the person conducting his business must bend down, while the person waiting risks having to lay down on the floor.
Now which one do you want? The unlocked door is a problem, but I'll go with plan B.
Same here.
All that's left is to decide the order.
First comes rock.
Rock, paper, scissors! Alright! No, wait.
You went after I did.
There's no time for false accusations in this emergency! No! An emergency is exactly the time for it! I won't let you go! We're screwed! [Plan A, Plan B, Plan C.]
Japanese-style! Japanese-style It'll work if we face each other, but the lack of height means that plan A will no longer work! And there's too much distance between the toilet and the door so plan B's also out C will be tough, too Which means I can't take anymore No more Has God forsaken us? No, wait There's still plan D.
Plan D, you say? Plan D The other person does a handstand above the person conducting his business.
The door's locked, and the person above won't have to witness the act, but both people must be strong enough for this prohibited and risky maneuver.
Is that even possible?! We have no choice! Hijikata-san.
Odd Jobs Master.
You okay in there? Shut up! You took way too long.
My arms are all numb.
You used too much paper.
I only had 10 cm to use.
I won't let him get away! Stop! This is the police! Move, damn it! I can't see! There's a truck! A truck! Right! Right! Stupid! Not that way! You told me to go right! The side you hold your chopsticks with, idiot! Who are you calling an idiot, idiot?! I'll kill you! I said to go right, idiot! Shut the hell up! What are you doing?! I went right, dumbass! I meant my right, obviously! Adults are supposed to be smart enough to see from another person's perspective! Shut up! Besides, you should have realized that the second time around! As if I'm going to follow your orders! I can't even tell anymore! That's what I should be saying! Okay We somehow managed to track him down.
Hold on You're not done yet? Hey, Sogo.
Send reinforcements.
Hey, Sogo.
Haven't you realized that's a waste of time? Tch.
Guess I have no choice.
Hey, now.
Hijikata-kun.
What do you have in mind? Don't tell me you're going to barge in.
Of course I am.
I can't let this chance slip away after coming so far.
I'm pretty tired Want me to get down on my knees again? Good work.
Nobody noticed you, right? Of course not! Good There's a boat in the harbor.
Move the stuff and escape.
Yes! Damn it.
I won't let Hijikata-san, you rang? Idiot! Hijikata-san.
What happened to the target? Hijikata-san? Somebody's here! Crap! You just had to drop your radio! Shut up! Flip over so I can land on you! Oh, we've got two rats here.
You two have guts to sneak in by yourselves.
And they're handcuffed.
Friendly guys, huh? Friendly Guys, you say? You can go to the next world together! Who did you just accuse of being friendly with this mayonnaise addict?! Apologize to mayonnaise, you sugar freak! I'm the Shinsengumi Vice-Chief, Toshiro Hijikata, damn it! You're all under arrest for interfering with a police investigation and insulting a police officer, dumbasses! What a laugh.
Kill them! Wh-Who are these guys? Are they monsters? What are you doing?! Attack all at once! Damn it! What a crazy combo! For all your talk, you guys sure are getting along fine! Hell no! Die together! I said we're not together! Well, well You're late.
You get to clean this mess up.
Damn it We won't forget this! Pretty sure this will take more than a simple clean-up.
Now, now.
All's well that end's well.
Everything worked out in the end.
So what do we do? Do I take Master down to the station? Interfering with a police investigation and insulting a police officer, was it? Hey, now.
That's not funny! You're still going to drag me down there?! Forget it, Sogo.
I don't want to see his face for a while.
Moron! That's what I should be saying.
The two of them really do get along.
We don't get along.
[Preview.]
Almost a week has passed since Dragon Quest IX came out.
[Note: Dragon Quest IX came out on July 11th in Japan.
.]
Did everyone beat it already? I haven't yet.
That's bad.
I'll miss out on all the chatter.
Don't spoil the name of the last boss for me! Okay, then next week's GinTama won't be aired until I beat it.
["Smooth Polygons Smooth Man's Hearts Too".]
Hell no! [An accident occurs in Tama's body.
It's caused by a computer virus.
.]
[Next time: Tama Quest Game start!.]
[See you next time.]
But he should be making a move soon.
Hijikata here.
No change here yet.
How's it going over there? Roger.
No, don't just roger me.
I'm asking how the back door looks.
How's it going over there? I prefer more MSG flavor.
Huh? Oh, just an issue on my side.
More like a taste issue.
[Whinery.]
Why are you eating in the middle of a stakeout? And your slurping's too loud! Hey, big guy.
You're bothering the other customers.
Could you stop talking on your cell phone? Roger.
Roger, my ass! Get back to your post! Bastardpisses me off.
Uh, excuse me.
Could you move? Huh? You're ["Two Is Better Than One.
Two People Are Better Than One.
".]
Look here You see? This is where everybody throws their trash.
It's not like this place belongs to you, ya know? Or what? Is this your trash can? He's half asleep.
He hasn't noticed me? Tch.
I just had to run into this troublemaker I don't have time to deal with him.
Stuff that belongs to everyone should be shared by everyone.
Stuff that belongs to you should be shared by everyone.
Like a reverse Jaian kind of thing.
[Note: Parody of Jaian from Doraemon.
His famous line is "Your stuff is mine, my stuff is mine.
".]
You have to follow the proper manners for sharing.
Got it? Yeah, I get it.
I get it.
My bad.
What kind of response is that? You think that's enough to get you out of any situation? Are you like a husband on his third year of marriage? Getting weary of the married life? I get it, so keep it down! Then look me in the eye! Ah.
Don't "Ah" me.
It's too early to be dealing with your blabbing.
I'm working here.
So the citizens can pile up their trash in peace.
So scram if you don't want me to drag you down to the station! What are you doing, psycho cop?! You're seriously pissing me off! Hey, hey, now.
You for real? Using binoculars to peep this early in the morning? And you're getting all excited? So you're like a sex offender? That's not funny.
Especially for this show.
Who are you accusing of peeping?! I said to stop blabbing! If you keep bugging me, I swear I'll arrest you for obstructing an officer's duties.
Go right ahead! You should take a look inside your own soul before you peep on other people's lives! Check out one of your embarrassing childhood memories! It might even make you cry! Huh? You're under arrest for interfering with a police investigation and insulting a police officer.
That's not funny! Behave yourself, damn it! Huh? Hey, Sogo.
I arrested someone for interfering with the investigation.
Take him to the station for me.
Roger.
Pops, give me some more noodles, extra firm.
Roger! Roger, my ass! Why are you ordering more noodles?! Get your ass over here now! You're late.
Master, whatcha doing? Nothing at all.
This is an unlawful arrest.
I didn't do anything.
Sogo, you aren't doing your job anyway, so take him down to the station and lock him up.
I can't do that.
My duty comes before my life.
Who was the one eating ramen a moment ago?! Huh? Er, the key's gone.
What? Hey, Sogo.
Use your key to unlock us.
Yeah, get these off.
Hey.
What is this, Okita-kun? Why are you cuffing me?! I'm going back to my post now.
Okita-kun! Get these off us! What are you thinking?! Well, don't you think it's a lot more fun this way? Then I'll be going.
Hey, hold up! Damn it, Sogo! Fine! Give me the key! Just give me the key! I told you to give me the ''key''! Not mayonnaise! What are you talking about? Aren't you always keen about mayonnaise? Clever! Very clever, but we don't need any puns right now! Take care of yourselves then.
Hey! Okita-kun! Don't be so hasty! You should have a more positive outlook on life! Sogo! Sogo, listen up, damn it! I'm gonna kill you later, Sogo! Hey, Okita-kun! You're coming back, right?! You're going to listen to your superior, right?! Damn it, Sogo! Don't look at me.
Hey, hey, hey Give me a break.
Why do I have to be stuck with Mr.
Master-of-pissing-me-off? Hold on a sec.
I didn't check my horoscope today.
How does taking out the trash lead to being paired with throbby-vein-boy? At this rate, all of my investigating will have been for nothing.
In any case, I need to get out of this situation pronto! Ack! Target's on the move! Hey! Why are you going that way?! I'm headed for the station.
They've got a spare key for the handcuffs, right? What are you babbling about?! We've been chasing this radical Anti-Foreigner Faction member for over a month! He's on the wanted list Yeah, yeah.
Whatever.
Let's go to the station and get these off.
A month of work will go down the drain if I miss this chance! Can't you understand?! Drain schmain.
You can play cops and robbers later.
Give me my freedom and justice already! The worst possible timing Hey, Sogo! Target's on the move! Follow him! Hey, Sogo! Bah! After him! Hey! The girl you like will run away if you're always on the chase! I can't let him get away now! It's got nothing to do with me! I'm going to arrest you for obstructing justice.
I've already been arrested! Cut it out already! Justice! Is this how you ask someone for a favor, bastard?! He's right I have to convince him to help or else nothing will get done.
I'll have to ask him What are you doing? None of your business! Uh, well Could you help me chase down an Anti-Foreigner Faction fugitive? Or yeah, somethinglike that Well? Huh? That's not good enough, Hijikata.
You need to get down on your knees and beg.
Shove it! And chase the fugitive, damn it! That's right.
On your knees.
That's the standard procedure for asking a favor, Hijikata-kun.
Fine.
Okay! I'm down on my knees! Okay! I'm down on my knees! Please help me chase the fugitive! Okay! I'm down on my knees! Ow! That hurts! Okay! I'm down on my knees! Cut it out! Why?! Well I won't get these handcuffs off until you agree to come.
I'll do as you say for now, so buy me a parfait.
Later.
I can't take my eyes off him right now.
Just capture him already.
It can't be that hard.
Our goal isn't to catch him.
Our ultimate goal is to follow him to their base and round up the whole lot.
Lot schmot.
Forget the tedious stuff and get this over with.
Shut up! Amateurs should keep their mouths shut! Hijikata, you're acting way too arrogant towards someone who's helping you out.
Be more polite.
I don't wanna hear another word outta you! And stop staring at us! We're following him in.
Act natural.
How is this natural?! Well, you know? We're going with the story that our parents were dancers so we have a natural tendency to dance.
That's not what I meant by natural.
Uh, you should say something about the rose first.
Where the hell are you watching us from?! Sorry to keep you waiting.
What do you think you're doing? I'm just eating this parfait.
You screwed up my aim with the mayonnaise when you moved your arm.
What do you need mayonnaise for? Why are you adding mayonnaise to coffee? Mayonnaise is an all-mighty universal condiment that works on everything and anything.
Are you an idiot? Damn it! Don't ruin my parfait! I didn't ruin it! Damn amateur Hijikata-san.
Hijikata-san.
What is it? I just remembered that I forgot to tell you something.
That mayonnaise I gave you Hi-ji-ka-ta-kun Had laxative in it.
I need to take a shit.
No way.
H-H-H-Hold it right there! What is it? I can't wait any longer! Think for a second.
Can both of us take a crap in the same stall? We can't! That'd be like a rendezvous in the restroom.
A rendezvous with our bowels in agony! You're right That thought is scary enough.
What do we do then?! Don't get too worked up.
We have knowledge and paper on our side! We can come up with the best possible plan Let's start with plan A.
One of us conducts his business while the other waits on top of the door.
But there's the risk that the person waiting will have to watch the act.
What's plan B? B The person waiting outside sticks his hand through the door.
But then the door can't be completely shut or locked.
Plan C Plan C While allowing the door to be locked and avoiding having to witness the act, the person conducting his business must bend down, while the person waiting risks having to lay down on the floor.
Now which one do you want? The unlocked door is a problem, but I'll go with plan B.
Same here.
All that's left is to decide the order.
First comes rock.
Rock, paper, scissors! Alright! No, wait.
You went after I did.
There's no time for false accusations in this emergency! No! An emergency is exactly the time for it! I won't let you go! We're screwed! [Plan A, Plan B, Plan C.]
Japanese-style! Japanese-style It'll work if we face each other, but the lack of height means that plan A will no longer work! And there's too much distance between the toilet and the door so plan B's also out C will be tough, too Which means I can't take anymore No more Has God forsaken us? No, wait There's still plan D.
Plan D, you say? Plan D The other person does a handstand above the person conducting his business.
The door's locked, and the person above won't have to witness the act, but both people must be strong enough for this prohibited and risky maneuver.
Is that even possible?! We have no choice! Hijikata-san.
Odd Jobs Master.
You okay in there? Shut up! You took way too long.
My arms are all numb.
You used too much paper.
I only had 10 cm to use.
I won't let him get away! Stop! This is the police! Move, damn it! I can't see! There's a truck! A truck! Right! Right! Stupid! Not that way! You told me to go right! The side you hold your chopsticks with, idiot! Who are you calling an idiot, idiot?! I'll kill you! I said to go right, idiot! Shut the hell up! What are you doing?! I went right, dumbass! I meant my right, obviously! Adults are supposed to be smart enough to see from another person's perspective! Shut up! Besides, you should have realized that the second time around! As if I'm going to follow your orders! I can't even tell anymore! That's what I should be saying! Okay We somehow managed to track him down.
Hold on You're not done yet? Hey, Sogo.
Send reinforcements.
Hey, Sogo.
Haven't you realized that's a waste of time? Tch.
Guess I have no choice.
Hey, now.
Hijikata-kun.
What do you have in mind? Don't tell me you're going to barge in.
Of course I am.
I can't let this chance slip away after coming so far.
I'm pretty tired Want me to get down on my knees again? Good work.
Nobody noticed you, right? Of course not! Good There's a boat in the harbor.
Move the stuff and escape.
Yes! Damn it.
I won't let Hijikata-san, you rang? Idiot! Hijikata-san.
What happened to the target? Hijikata-san? Somebody's here! Crap! You just had to drop your radio! Shut up! Flip over so I can land on you! Oh, we've got two rats here.
You two have guts to sneak in by yourselves.
And they're handcuffed.
Friendly guys, huh? Friendly Guys, you say? You can go to the next world together! Who did you just accuse of being friendly with this mayonnaise addict?! Apologize to mayonnaise, you sugar freak! I'm the Shinsengumi Vice-Chief, Toshiro Hijikata, damn it! You're all under arrest for interfering with a police investigation and insulting a police officer, dumbasses! What a laugh.
Kill them! Wh-Who are these guys? Are they monsters? What are you doing?! Attack all at once! Damn it! What a crazy combo! For all your talk, you guys sure are getting along fine! Hell no! Die together! I said we're not together! Well, well You're late.
You get to clean this mess up.
Damn it We won't forget this! Pretty sure this will take more than a simple clean-up.
Now, now.
All's well that end's well.
Everything worked out in the end.
So what do we do? Do I take Master down to the station? Interfering with a police investigation and insulting a police officer, was it? Hey, now.
That's not funny! You're still going to drag me down there?! Forget it, Sogo.
I don't want to see his face for a while.
Moron! That's what I should be saying.
The two of them really do get along.
We don't get along.
[Preview.]
Almost a week has passed since Dragon Quest IX came out.
[Note: Dragon Quest IX came out on July 11th in Japan.
.]
Did everyone beat it already? I haven't yet.
That's bad.
I'll miss out on all the chatter.
Don't spoil the name of the last boss for me! Okay, then next week's GinTama won't be aired until I beat it.
["Smooth Polygons Smooth Man's Hearts Too".]
Hell no! [An accident occurs in Tama's body.
It's caused by a computer virus.
.]
[Next time: Tama Quest Game start!.]
[See you next time.]