Gintama (2005) s04e18 Episode Script

A Human Body Is Like a Little Universe

[Last time on GinTama:.]
[Input the damn resurrection spell.]
[Note: Parody of Dragon Quest game.
.]
Uh, wait.
What is this? Can't you tell? It's a "resurrection spell," okay? We're picking up where we left off last week, right? So we need one.
Why?! Why do we need a "resurrection spell" for an anime flashback of the previous episode?! Nobody uses a password system in this day and age! And a spell was never mentioned at the end of last week's episode! What? You didn't write it down? There wasn't one! You're so useless.
Then I'll just enter something random.
Uh, I'm pretty sure it's a bad idea to put in random stuff.
It'll be fine.
[KAGURA SHINPACHI GINTOKI AMACHI HIDEAKI HORI RYUUJI.]
[Note: HORI RYUUJI is a parody of Yuji Horii, creator of Dragon Quest.
.]
There's usually a pattern to these things.
Like an Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A kind of thing.
[Note: The famous Konami Code to get 9 extra lives in Nintendo's Contra.
.]
Uh, that'd be a totally different game.
And doesn't this spell look awfully familiar? And aren't you including people who have nothing to do with GinTama? Okay, all done.
[Tama: I am your subordinate Please call me Tama.]
Hey! A different game has started up! [Tama: We are in Edo in the vicinity where the incident occurred How do you wish to begin the investigation?.]
How ancient is this thing?! Kids nowadays wouldn't be able to recognize this! [(Selects Confession).]
[Tama: Then I shall confess first.]
And what the hell is Tama-san doing?! [Tama: Forgive me I did it Tama was the culprit.]
[Tama: I'll never do it again Please forgive me.]
Okay, all clear.
Tama's the killer.
[Tamatopia Murder Case The End.]
Tama was the culprit.
That was fast! And that's not even possible! That had nothing to do with last week's episode! Where the hell is Tamatopia?! [Note: Parody of Portopia Serial Murder Case.
Created by Yuji Horii.
.]
Can't you be serious about this?! [The real recap from last episode.
.]
The computer virus "Tapir.
" A brand-new virus that infects the program, consumes it, and multiplies.
Once it infected Tama, who is a highly advanced robot, it must have evolved a great deal.
And it's been there for a while.
Nobody can do anything about it.
It's evolved into the strongest and worst virus ever.
But there's still a way to save Tama.
Shouldn't that be obvious? We're going to eliminate the virus.
You midgets are doing it.
Best of luck to you.
["The Human Body is Like a Little Universe".]
Welcome to Leukocyte Kingdom.
[Note: Leukocytes are the white blood cells that defend the body from infections.
.]
If you head north, you will find Leukocyte Castle.
Head east to find Bifidus Village.
Head south to find E.
coli town.
[Leukocyte Kingdom.]
But stay away from the Capillary Caves to the west.
It's crawling with viruses.
At your current level, you'll be instantly wiped out.
Huh? What? What's with these people? Huh? What's with this place? What is this?! Why are all these people in bodysuits wandering around inside Tama-san's body?! Why is there an entire nation inside of Tama-san?! Why is there a weapon shop?! Why is there an inn?! Why is this like an RPG?! Uh, Gin-san? Where are you two going? Shouldn't that be obvious? The first step when you come to one of these places is to put together a war chest.
That's why Why did you head straight for the casino?! I just said we needed a war chest.
I don't want to deal with a riskily run adventure where we're always strapped for cash.
I'm the kind of person who spends hours on the mini games whenever I play an RPG.
You can't make any progress that way because you always get off track, in-game and in real life! The next thing you know, you've forgotten the main story! We don't have time to play around here! Tama-san will be taken over by more of the virus if we don't hurry! Calm down, Shinpachi.
You realize that without any money, you'll have to stay equipped with those Cypress Glasses? [Note: Parody of the Cypress Stick (starter weapon) from Dragon Quest game.
.]
What the hell are Cypress Glasses?! Don't you want to buy Steel Glasses at the next town? Now, now.
Calm down for now.
It's a waste to rush through everything.
It's important to prepare well before setting out on an adventure in an RPG.
Don't blame me if you leave the safe town and run into a really strong enemy.
Now confess what you've done before God.
We're saving right now?! We haven't done anything yet! All we did was go to the casino! What's your beef? I see.
Shinpachi's the type who always rests up at an inn before saving? You're a real stickler.
You people are the sticklers! Who bothers to save at this point?! Just move on with the story! Were you listening to me? We need to hurry.
If we don't pick up the pace, we'll be too late.
I know that.
But y'know? We're completely clueless right now.
There's no point in floundering around.
Do you know what we're supposed to do? See? After all, we're completely out of our comfort zone.
We have no idea if these guys are allies or enemies.
You have a point Do not worry.
They all serve me.
Ta-Tama-san! Allow me to guide you.
Could you please follow me? What?! Tama-san showed up inside Tama-san! I apologize for taking so long.
I created an offshoot from a sector in my system that is still safe.
I shall provide you with support.
Provide us with support? Is your body okay?! There is no problem.
I cannot lie around shamelessly while everyone else is fighting for my sake.
Er, sorry about that We've only been to the casino, so we haven't actually done any fighting.
I shall redirect the remaining operational systems to support you.
Does that include these guys?! Yes, they are components of the original security system in my body.
The anti-virus program, Leukocyte.
Security?! These men in bodysuits?! Their job is to expel the viruses that infiltrate my body.
And as they protect me, they've also built a home inside my body.
Protect you? Are they actually protecting you? It looks more like they're pretending to be in Dragon Quest.
There is no problem.
Their program has been rewritten to recognize you as saviors from another world.
They should all assist you in destroying the viruses.
We should start by meeting with the Leukocyte King and asking for his aid.
It will be impossible to defeat the Tapir without it.
Oh, yeah.
Now that you mention it, we were asked to deliver a message to the king.
It saddens me to say that our Leukocyte army has fallen to the Virus army.
I pray that our king takes flight.
And searches for the legendary warriors from another world Search for the midgets Let's go, Gin-san.
Tonnelat, how could you die on me? [Note: Character name from Dragon Quest.
.]
No, he isn't dead.
Don't kill him off like that.
And Tonnelat is one lame name.
Tonnelat only needed 1,008 love experience points to reach the next level.
What are love experience points? How many times does a girl have to fail at love before she grows stronger? And who's Tonnelat? Suke-san needs 5,466 more summer experience points.
[Note: Fictional name from Dragon Quest.
.]
What the hell?! How many summers has he been through?! And why Suke-san?! Would you like to learn the resurrection spell for love? Only weak men would be interested in that.
Women are always looking forward to their next love! When did this game turn into a romance RPG? Are you completely influenced by your memories of love?! Ow! Ow! Her parting words are piercing my heart! Like I care! What did you say?! You mean our Leukocyte army was defeated by the Virus army?! Yes.
That was the last message from the injured soldier.
He wished for Your Majesty to escape before your foes reached your kingdom.
But running away from love will only lead to regret.
Can you drop the crap about love already?! Are you a sophomore in high school or something?! Escape and abandon the leukocytes who've been injured while fighting for this kingdom? How could I do such a thing? Travelers A legend has been passed down in this kingdom from olden days.
When a great disaster befalls this land, heroes carrying toothpicks will travel from another world to save our world! Perhaps you all are No, I say no more.
How could I ask someone else to fight for the sake of a kingdom on the verge of destruction?! Except you just said that out loud.
This old man's got no shame, and I'm not just talking about the bodysuit.
Hey, you're pretty slow, old Spe**.
[Note: Bleep covers "sperm.
".]
Enough introductions.
Just hand over your remaining soldiers.
And give us whatever's in your treasure vault for our war chest.
We sound more like thieves than heroes.
Amazing.
Are you offering to fight on our side? My eyes did not betray me! You must be the heroic midgets of legend! But our kingdom has suffered from the long war and we have no soldiers to offer you.
Don't give me that bull! There are two guards here, plus you! I'll abuse you like a workhorse.
Hey! Stop that, Gin-san! I shall offer one of the strongest soldiers of the Leukocyte Kingdom to aid you in your journey.
Really? Come forth! The strongest pair around, feared as the Leukocyte Double Dragon! The warrior, Bortega! [Note: Parody of Ortega and Despisaro from Dragon Quest III.
.]
The fighter, Despigaro! Take whichever one you want.
We don't want either of them! Hey! How can you call them Double Dragon?! How can you call them the strongest pair?! Why is there someone who looks like the prince crying behind Bortega?! You're obviously trying to get rid of a dog the prince took in! Are you taking it? We aren't! We aren't taking it! So you don't want Bortega Then take Moth- I mean, Despigaro Mother?! You were about to say "Mother"! You called Despigaro "Mother"! Hey, you've got some nerve, old man.
You trying to ditch your mother off on the party of heroes because you don't want to take care of her? Unbelievable.
He's worse than those viruses.
We should eliminate him first.
Wait! Wait! Wait! No! No! That's wrong! You've got it all wrong! Give me a break, big guy.
You know how people accidentally call their teacher "Mother" sometimes? That's what it was! For real! You're not even acting like a king anymore.
More like a common thug! It's true that I've been fighting with my wife about how to take care of Mother.
It's true there was an uproar because Takeshi brought home a mutt.
But none of that has anything to do with what we're discussing here! Except it does.
It's obviously related! You're obviously trying to dump your problems off on us! No! You're wrong! These two, you see They may look like this now, but that's because they were cursed by the virus! If you can find the Poof Mirror that reveals the truth, [Note: Parody of Rah Mirror from Dragon Quest series.
.]
they'll return to their original forms and serve you well! Very well! Please give it a try! What's this Poof Mirror crap? Your head's gone poof! No! I'm serious! If you had the Poof Mirror! I could show you! We have it.
The Poof Mirror is right here.
What? Where did you get that? We are inside my body.
Searching for an object is like going through my pockets.
I've heard the Tapir are especially skilled at mimicry.
You cannot defeat the Tapir if you believe everything you see.
Now, let us see what truths shall be revealed, be it Bortega, Despigaro, or something else Everybody look closely.
Th-This is! The King The King! His nipplesare huge! Nobody cares! I swear! No! Wait a sec! The King's nipples ARE getting bigger! Yo** **o [Note: Word play on "Oh no.
" Bleep covers "Yoko Ono.
".]
No, even bigger! This is This is! Not too shabby.
[Leukocyte.]
[Tapir.]
[Leukocyte.]
[Tapir.]
Not too shabby.
I never expected you to see through this Tapir disguise! This is Hey! Don't tell me this is a Tapir! He's just wearing a black bodysuit instead of a white one! This isn't the time for that! If they've already gotten the Leukocyte King, that means Exactly.
You came to this kingdom seeking aid, but are too late.
The Leukocyte Kingdom, from the king down to the soldiers Even Mother Even Prince Takeshi The entire kingdom is in black bodysuits! You have no allies here! We will consume all! Until all are dressed in black bodysuits, we will continue to consume! The toothpicks.
Everyone take hold of your toothpicks! Those toothpicks were specially made by Gengai-sama.
They take advantage of the Tapir's nature to consume data by sending large quantities of data at high speeds! Huh? What? And the data is rotten enough to cause food poisoning.
If you continue to send poison to their stomachs after they've been poisoned once, their stomachs will not have enough time to digest the data and they'll explode.
That sounds just fine! These toothpicks can't remove leftover food stuck in your teeth, but they can kick stinking virus butt, huh?! Gin-san! There are too many! We can't deal with all of them! Hurry! This way! We need to retreat for now! Don't expect to escape! You're all going to die here! What are you?! This is! Poof Mirror, reveal the truth! Return the sword to the hero who protects me as no other can! That's! The dog is! Turning into a person Y-You're! That is not a person.
That is The ultimate security program that has destroyed many viruses and kept the peace in my body.
The one and only true Leukocyte King! Gi Gin-san?! Find them! Were they there? Where'd they go?! Damn! Where did they go? Find them! Even if you have to split nose hairs! Looks like they're gone.
Lady Tama, they will find us here.
We should move at once.
I believe B-29 in the large intestine would be safe.
That place is a maze.
Perfect for hiding out in.
Leukocyte King, we did not come here to escape.
We came to fight.
Though you may only be a copy, I cannot allow Lady Tama near those filthy viruses.
I can handle the fighting alone.
Leukocyte King.
This time we are up against the strongest virus ever.
The battle will not be as simple as it has been in the past.
Even someone as accomplished as yourself will have no chance alone.
We must work together and fight.
So you were the one who rewrote my program and turned me into that dog.
You restricted my ability to act so I wouldn't attempt to face them alone.
Is that correct? Your death would be an inconvenience.
When the right time finally came Yes, I wished for you to survive to fight alongside us.
What's your problem? Keep that virus-infested face away from Lady Tama.
You wanna get sterilized? No, sorry.
I couldn't help but stare at such a handsome face Not! I don't recall ever having a Transform spell cast on me.
You've got nerve to do that embarrassing cosplay with my face! You think you're Loto?! [Note: Loto is the legendary hero from Dragon Quest 3.
.]
A lot of people in this world claim that DQ3 was the best one, but I won't accept that! There are two Gin-chans.
Ta-Tama-san, what is that? Why does that guy look like Gin-san? All internal systems are affected by my memory banks, thought patterns, and various other data.
I would assume that image was influenced by my mind.
Meaning? The security program Leukocyte, which combats all sorts of viruses, is a reflection of the strongest person I know.
That would be the most accurate conclusion.
Hey! Two of the strongest have been assembled.
There is nothing to fear now.
I see.
So you're my Though the significant difference in personality between us suggests she doesn't think much of what's in your head.
What was that?! Though that's a given, considering how much of a coward you are.
You won't be able to protect Lady Tama with those virus-infested hands.
I shall be the one to defeat the Tapir.
There is no need for you to step in.
I am the only one who can protect Lady Tama.
[To Be Continued.]
[The next episode.]
My lord, Archfiend Tapir.
I just received word that Bifidus Castle and E.
coli Castle have been taken.
Is that so? The areas of greatest resistance now belong to our forces.
Very soon, the system of this world will fall completely into Tapir hands.
The super science and technology poured into this robot meant nothing.
Nothing can stop us now.
Excellency! What is all the fuss about? The third Tapir general was somehow destroyed in the Leukocyte Kingdom.
What? That's impossible.
The Leukocyte Kingdom was completely under our control without a single Leukocyte left to resist.
Nobody left in this world can stand against us.
According to our information, there was an incredibly strong Leukocyte dressed up like he was in Dragon Quest.
Along with three human-like creatures carrying toothpicks and a pixel robot to fill out the party.
D-Dragon Quest, you say?! C-Could it be?! He's He's still alive?! Deliver this order to all soldiers in this robot! Return to the Archfiend Tapir's castle at once! Abandon any conquered castles if necessary! Concentrate all forces at his castle immediately and tighten the defenses! Sir! Is it him? Yes He's coming The Leukocyte King, with a party of heroes from the outside world, is headed towards this castle! ["A Group of Fools are Led".]
[The five fools are led to and storm the Archfiend Tapir's castle!.]
[Will Gin-san and the Leukocyte King work well with one another?.]
[See you next time.
.]

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