Gintama (2005) s04e34 Episode Script

Popularity Polls Can...

To celebrate the Gintama anime becoming a movie and breaking roughly one million in DVD sales, we held the second character popularity poll.
However, a bloody ranking battle has waged by those unsatisfied with the results.
Who will be in 1st place at the end of this battle?! [Popularity Polls Can.]
I look away for a second and this happens.
There's a traitor among us.
Well then Who might it be, Shinpachi-kun? I-It wasn't us! Hasegawa-san was ranked lower than us! So why would we need to lower his rank?! That assumption may be a mistake.
If the perpetrator's goal isn't to raise his rank, but to take out people he doesn't like That's That's just! Sunglasses there may have been a lower rank than you, but I hear you two shared the running joke of the glasses being the main body.
And I shouldn't need to mention that Zaki's character overlapped with yours in terms of being boring.
Y-You're wrong It wasn't me! I didn't do it! I'll listen to your excuses when you've reached 300th! You'll be the one to drop to 300th, Okita-kun.
Gi-Gin-san! You've finally shown your true colors, Boss.
But you're a fool.
You missed a piece when you were dragging my pants down.
U-Underwear Daburu Feinto?! A brilliant tactician assumes that he is going to be betrayed before he starts betraying others.
There's nothing brilliant or tactical about being in your underwear! You're definitely embarrassing yourself, aren't you?! Odd Jobs! You're going down to hell with your underwear! Gin-san! Th-This is! R-Reddo Roincuroth?! Fool! Didn't you see the sponsor message? I normally wear boxers, but just for this episode, I'm wearing a special red loincloth! No, we didn't see it! And your butt's totally exposed! You idiots have been doing nothing but speaking in bad Engrish! Damn civil servants! It's over now! He's fully exposed to begin with! F-Fu-ri Expozed?! Just say exposed! It more or less sounds the same! Hah, fools If having your underwear dragged down will lower your rank, then you shouldn't wear underwear to begin with! You're the fool! Is this person really a police officer?! His rank isn't going down after revealing his dirty parts to a girl?! As a parting gift, let me tell you why before you all go to hell.
The whole dragging down the underwear along with the ranking only works on you losers! I have danced with death on a regular basis and exposed my private parts many times! The audience is already sick of seeing me fully expozed! In other words! My 13th place rank comes after I've already been fully expozed! I have no blind spots in this fight! You won't conquer this castle, no matter what you do! I can see blind spots everywhere! The castle is so broken-down that there isn't anything left to attack! You cannot take this impregnable fortress So what are you saying? That as someone who used to be 17th, I lost to a fully expozed 13th No I lost to that pathetic piece of crap?! He's fallen The impregnable fortress has fallen in a different way.
Boss Lady! Kagura-chan, it's okay now.
I've destroyed that dirty devil.
There's nothing for you to be scared of.
We have a message for the higher-ranked characters hiding in this hotel.
This place already belongs to us, Diamond Perfume.
Throw down your weapons and electro-on with our fake Kansai accent and fake robot dance.
Why am I in this mess If you refuse We'll crush you! She switched sides in an instant! She brazenly switched to the side with the advantage in an instant! I'll kill you good and dead, yeah? What do we do with these losers? There you go.
Women can't be trusted because they do whatever benefits them.
But the same can't be said for men.
Boss, do you intend to break out of this siege? How are we supposed to do that? Cease your futile resistance.
Nothing good can come from going against us.
Y-You bastards! It appears that we don't have time to fight among us.
As I said to begin with Terrible things would happen if we didn't unite.
This is no longer a fight over a popularity poll.
It's a war of the sexes.
War? You're a funny man.
You think you crap heads can defeat us? Diamond Perfume vs.
Crapxile! [Note: Spoof on the Japanese group Exile.
.]
We'll have a contest to see who's the real number one! [Popularity Poll Arc.]
Diamond Perfume vs.
Crapxile.
We'll have a contest to see who's better! Wait, Miss Otae! We should not continue this ugly fight.
This pointless conflict has already dragged on for three weeks.
Popularity isn't the only thing at stake.
If we continue to drag out this ugly battle, it's very possible that the sponsors will abandon us, and the show will end in March! We should calm down and talk this over.
We should have a discussion on what direction the show should head.
One of the more pressing matters would be how I, Miss Kyubei, and the newcomer, Miss Tsukuyo, have overlapping characters.
We need to have a dead-serious discussion about which one of us should continue to play the dead-serious character.
G-Get Hmm? What is it, Miss Kyubei? Do you have something to say? Get Your hands off me! Overlapping characters? You lot don't have the right to talk about that.
Because y'all are mere ripoffs of historical figures! Katsura-san! Hijikata-san! You didn't earn your own popularity! You only capitalized from the original's fame! Fake imitation characters like you guys, could never beat us original characters who've worked our way up! You weren't supposed to mention that Damn woman She wasn't supposed to mention that Having to put up with complaints about how we mislead people to accidentally put Kotaro on their history tests Having to put up with history buffs complaining about how we're ruining the names of famous people You could never understand that pain! Katsura! A temporary truce! I'll arrest you after we've finished them off! We need to show them our true strength! Wait! Hijikata-san! Katsura-san! Wh-Whoa! I see that you won't make this easy, Miss Kyubei.
It appears that this battle is unavoidable.
I'd realized that our characters overlapped since the Ryugu arc I should have dealt with you then.
I should be the only eggheaded character! Change your character to the one-eyed dragon this very instant! The leader of the Yagyu who randomly speaks English, rides a horse like a Harley, [Note: Historical figure Date Masamune as portrayed in the game "Sengoku BASARA.
".]
and goes, "Let's party!" I refuse.
You and your long hair should jump off a waterfall to learn the Rozan Sho Ryu Ha.
[Note: Dragon Shiryu from Saint Seiya.
.]
So you refuse to listen, head-chief? In that case Let's party! Hijikata-han, don't you need to go "let's party"? Aren't you the one who really wants to "let's party"? Aren't you all excited about the second season coming up? [Note: Date Masamune in Sengoku BASARA is voiced by the same actor as Hijikata.
.]
What are you trying to imply?! Stop saying crap that'll bring down the fourth wall! As long as you're around, the Shinsengumi, including Kondo-san, won't be able to stand alone at the top.
As long as you're around, Kondo-san's image as a perverted stalker won't go away.
It all ends now.
This stupid mess and everything bad in the Shinsengumi's history So you intend to eliminate the woman who is the source of your boss's scandalous behavior? I would expect no less from the demon vice-commander.
You're used to doing dirty work.
However There's no point in worrying about the Shinsengumi at this point.
Since your Shinsengumi and everything else will be absorbed by us! Toshi! Come to our side! It appears that it's only a matter of time before 3rd falls.
You've made a fatal mistake in your push to reach the top.
What's that? Don't be a poor loser.
See? Our rank has changed.
What?! This is! Impossible! Why did our rank suddenly drop?! It was a brilliant plan to absorb the higher ranked members.
But our commander isn't the type you can hold down.
C-Could it be?! Him?! He's so offensive that he's starting to drag Diamond Perfume's ranking down! Curses! It was a terrible mistake to absorb that gorilla! Toshi! Now! Do me! Embarrass me! If my rank goes down, so will theirs! Kondo-san Don't tell me, you! You purposefully allowed yourself to be absorbed so you could destroy them from the inside?! Don't worry about me! Defeat me along with them! That's impossible, Kondo-san! I can't do it! Do it! Do it, damn it! You said the Shinsengumi will dominate the top, didn't you?! I'll catch up to you afterwards! That's impossible! I'm supposed to embarrass you more when you're standing there fully expozed?! I can't do it! And hell, what would be more embarrassing than being fully expozed?! Stop wasting time! Do you intend to waste Kondo-san's good intentions! Take this! A waist pouch on a naked body! That's it! Keep it up! I won't let that happen! A waist pouch goes with chemical-washed jeans! What?! She brought my rank back up with by perfectly coordinating to the waist pouch! I'm not giving in! How's this?! Chain mail! Chain mail goes with sickle and chain! Damn! I'll add in the Cursed Belt! Then I'll give him the Shield of Ruin! [Note: Dragon Quest Series items.]
This can't be! Then I'll throw in a double-edged sword! You're going with her coordination?! It seems that this is the end.
Will you voluntarily cooperate with Diamond Perfume, Crapxile? Let us cease this unsightly battle.
We can all be in Diamond Perfume.
Everybody in 1st place.
What's wrong with that? Don't be ridiculous! What's with the pseudo Human Instrumentality Project?! [Note: From the Anime Evangelion.]
Commander Ikari may accept it, but I won't! Is there any point to achieving Do you intend to make all those votes count for nothing?! To be frank, I don't give a damn about a popularity poll.
But there are people who can't accept the results.
This is the best solution, right? Hold it right there.
Hold it right there.
What? What did you just say, Tsukky? Well, I don't give a damn about the popularity poll anymore, so let's get this over with.
Y'know Tsukky, I've been thinking Aren't you being a little unfair, Tsukky? Hmm? You seem to be the only one separating yourself, Tsukky.
The whole "I don't care, but I came because everyone else told me to.
" What's with the facade? You're going to be the only one who doesn't get her hands dirty? Who stays clean this time? Well, I really don't care Yes, yes.
You're so cool.
The whole, "I placed 10th even though I don't care.
" Amazing, right? You're probably so calm because you're 10th.
It's different when you're 10th! What? Speak up if you have a problem.
They seem to be fighting among themselves That aloof attitude of yours really pisses me off! What? What is this? Where are we? Be more serious! An all-girls boarding school? Don't give me that crap! We're doing our best to live with our hands dirty! We're wading through the mud as we try to become something better! You can't survive in this world by being clean! I never said anything about being clean or dirty.
I'm simply not interested! Cut it out! Damn bitch pretending to be all innocent! Say that you really want to be 1st! Say it! ["Little girls should go home and watch "Ainori" or something!!".]
[Note: A Japanese reality show.
.]
What was that? Who were those old men? H-He was standing, right? He was walking on two legs, right? Th-They headed towards where Sis and everybody else is M-Monsters! Elizabeth! What are you Abeshi! Something's No, I don't hear anything.
I can't hear a thing.
I know nothing.
Nothing at all.
Gin-san! A-Above your head! Wh-What is this?! My ranking My ranking is dropping like a rock! What's going on?! I didn't do anything! What's happening?! W-We're too late Hasegawa-san! We spent too much time fighting We let our greed get the better of us, wanting to rank higher than others.
We displayed our ugly conflict for the past three weeks.
The viewers, the gods punished us for our sins.
Y-You must stop this fight now! D-Don't let him have his way! Him? He was the one who used unnatural methods to summon the gods! He was the one who took me down and set your fight in motion.
No, he was the one who caused the mess across this entire world.
Return to the beginning Why was there such an uproar? What started all of this? Head to the roof To end this stupid mess! You're late.
I've been waiting here to show you this sight.
Look.
They're all desperately fighting for their own rank.
Isn't that funny? Their attempts to raise their ranking do nothing but make them look worse.
All humans are the same on the inside.
Nobody is suitable to be 1st.
We're all dirty maggots.
Yamazaki-san So this was all your doing You pretended that you were attacked to drag your own rank down and cause an uproar in the rankings, to spark everybody's greed and create a mess that triggered the rage of the gods You couldn't become 1st.
You didn't try to become 1st.
Instead, you brought everyone else down to your level.
Yamazaki-san Are you satisfied now? Flowers need a foundation of dirt.
But the flowers never try to understand how the dirt feels They bloom without a care Despite the fact that they could never bloom without dirt I wanted to let them know how the dirt feels Our true worth Punch me if you want.
But your ranking will only drop further.
The gods have grown tired of this ugly battle! Invite their rage if you'd like! That's fine! I'll smack you good! Toying with people like that! Don't look down on us! Shi- Gin-san, I won't let you dirty your hands.
I'm Happy to be the dirt for my flower! Yamazaki-san, it's true that people like us are never noticed.
Nobody tries to understand how we feel.
But that's fine.
We just have to be there like it's the most natural thing in the world.
That's what dirt does.
Yamazaki-san, that was the spirit of being the stepping stone that you taught me about! And are you really okay with that? Spending the rest of your life downtrodden without anyone noticing Don't say that nobody notices us I I alone know! Yamazaki-san alone knows! Isn't that enough?! What more do you need?! Sh-Shinpachi-kun You aren't the only ones.
E-Everyone Up.
Look up.
It seems that the gods were also watching.
This is We're Okay! Hooray! Hooray! We'll be your stepping stones for today! Hooray! Hooray! Zaki! Thanks for supporting us when we didn't know it! Come on, you two! Congratulations on being 1st place stepping stones! Yamazaki-san! Shinpachi-kun! Everybody understands Everybody underst Dirt should return to the dirt.
Why are you two in 1st? You had us fooled, damn punks.
Allow us to ask one more time Are popularity polls really necessary? [The End.]
[The Top 100 Characters.]
[Preview.]
What? A request to get rid of a wasps' nest? Hell, when was the last time we had an actual odd job? And so next time: "The Whole Peeing on a Bee Sting Is a Myth.
You'll Get Germs, So Don't Do It!!" [Next week is a two parter.
Things kick off in the Shinsengumi with "Hometowns and boobs are meant to be far away.
".]
[Hijikata, the mayonnaise lover's dream comes true as he tours a mayo factory.
.]
[See you next time.
.]

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