Gintama (2005) s04e42 Episode Script
Kabukicho Stray Cat Blues
Can't you tell? I used to be a human, same as you guys.
Until that point, I had taken away many things that could never be replaced.
But I would use this body, the precious body he gave me, to protect those things that can never be replaced.
This town doesn't need a boss.
We're gonna live free! An uprising? I'm leaving the rest to you.
Hoichi! What are you doing?! Hurry up! We're leaving the rest to you, Odd Jobs! Grant the stray cats of Kabukicho! And their proud king! True freedom! ["Kabukicho Stray Cat Blues".]
Well, that should do it.
We've captured most of the strays in Kabukicho.
Thank you for your cooperation.
Well? Are there any to your liking? B-Bro What's with the feeble old cat? Moron! Don't make any stupid comments.
The cats will rip you apart and eat you.
That's their king.
Huh?! That old geezer's the king of Planet Catnip?! Moron! You're too loud! Why? Why's he here? Wouldn't the king coming to Edo be big news?! I never heard a word about it! He's obviously being discreet because he doesn't want people to know he's here! Doesn't want people to know he's here? Meow! Greetings, everyone.
What's with that old geezer?! He can speak our language?! Meow! It is a pleasure to meet you, cats of Earth.
Meow-yeow.
I apologize for any inconvenience caused by assembling you here.
I must confess that I have a favor to ask of you.
Hey, he's pretty talkative for someone who looks the quiet type.
Mew.
We may come from different planets, but we belong to the same race, which is why I hope you'll be willing to help.
Meow.
I am actually the king of a certain planet Purr.
I have grown old without producing any children.
Meorw.
And I must say that my wife is a dead fish in bed.
Of course, I love fish, at least the edible kind.
I mean, I'm a cat.
Hey! That geezer's spillin' everything to total strangers! Mrrow.
She won't budge or make a sound, no matter what I do.
Practically copulationless.
I've become a master at going solo.
And I'm used to a curved faucet, so normal sex completely fails to Hey! We don't want to hear this! Why do we have to listen to an old geezer's sexual preferences?! Myao.
I took a new wife, but by that time, I could no longer get it up.
Meows.
My nation is currently in an uproar over succession.
Meyow.
That is why I must ask a favor of you.
Hey, aren't we about to get lucky? I heard something about losing our souls, though Maybe this geezer brought us here to pick a successor Meowzer.
Could you all please give me your balls? Why?! What kind of twisted logic is that?! Meow-ow.
There is an ancient legend on our planet.
Nagas.
When the legendary "Golden Balls" are assembled, [Note: Parody of the manga "Dragon Ball".
.]
Meowes.
Shenlong will be awakened from its slumber in the earth, Meowlos.
Will you assist in awakening Meow.
my slumbering Shenlong? That king plans on extracting cat balls to produce the potent aphrodisiac Catnip Omega! Don't talk about Shenlong, you sick geezer! Screw that! Why do we have to give up our balls to help wake up your withered Shenlong?! Meowsus.
Your Golden Balls, brimming with virility, are the ideal ingredient.
Meowgos.
But this isn't enough.
Meof.
Your Golden Balls can shine brighter.
Where are we? Meows.
Do you know when seeds have the greatest survivability? It isn't when you find a DVD-porn that perfectly matches your tastes.
Nor is it when you encounter a ravishing female cat.
It is when your life is in danger.
When faced with absolute death, Golden Balls shine brightest in an attempt to leave its seed in this world.
N-No way Is that geezer planning on Now tremble in fear! You are currently faced with imminent death! Now, grant the Golden Balls light! Fuel it with all your energy! There's no need to worry! If you end up as corpses, I won't let your Golden Balls go to waste! He's gonna kill us! Eat us up, leaving only our balls behind! I won't let you pass I won't let you get one step past me.
Any further and you're on the turf of Hoichi, king of Kabukicho strays.
I-It's standing! On two legs! Wh-What is that?! What is up with that cat?! It's the king.
That is the boss cat which rules over Kabukicho Reigning over the stray cats Hoichi, the stray king.
M-Magnificent! The vitality! Courage! Brimming with virility! Ho-Hoichi! Why? Why?! Why is he helping us after what we did to him?! WHY?! Come on Hold on a little longer Just a little longer Hang in there Don't fall apart on me This guy's the last one Lend me your body A little longer!! You awake? So you're the stray who's been making a name for himself in Kabukicho recently.
You're a fool to pick fights with dogs.
Good thing you only lost your ears.
You're quite a handsome one.
There's no need to worry.
The charge you were protecting is fine as you can see.
Well, it ran off.
You're not very well-liked.
I was wondering why it felt like this wasn't our first meeting.
You're exactly like him.
I once picked up another stray.
On the verge of death, just like you, lying on the side of the road A stupid cat that was your match in every way.
I don't know how he ended up there though.
Always seemed as though he were looking for something.
Butting in where he wasn't wanted and pitting his own body to protect the things that were important for other people.
Almost like he was trying to atone for something.
Meanwhile, he kept nothing for himself.
Didn't get close to anyone.
He was always alone Just like you Maybe he was afraid of enduring the pain of loss again Maybe he didn't want others to experience what he had Perhaps he was trying to punish himself.
But you know There were other strays who were drawn to that idiot.
Soon he could no longer stay alone.
Maybe he just learned from them.
That fatalism won't make anyone happy.
Friends to protect, who protected him, may have given him the strength to move on.
You protect and suffer losses.
You're protected and suffer losses.
But then you take on a new burden.
In the end, it's just a cycle.
That's life.
Rough, isn't it? But you know, when I see the expressions on those three faces, I start to feel that it's not too bad.
Why am I saying all this to a cat? When I saw you rampaging around on your own, I was somehow reminded of how he used to be.
Live positively.
I'm sure you have friends waiting to support you.
The ones you care for would want you to do so I can't be positive, Granny I can't make anything happen by being positive I don't deserve any friends when I couldn't even protect my only pal I forgot how to make friends a long time ago.
Still, even if I couldn't make friends, I wanted to protect them.
I wanted to protect something with these hands, instead of taking from others Sorry I couldn't protect you all till the very end I'm a failure of a boss cat Pal, I broke another promise Sorry Gi- Gin!! Gi- Gin!! What is that cat?! Th-That's The newbie! Bastards! Did you hear what he said?! He just voluntarily gave up his position as boss cat! From this point on, Kabukicho will be a city of free strays! Kabukicho no longer has a boss cat! From now on, you're free to do whatever you want! Live by your own rules! Now that you're free, let's test those free-minded idea of yours! Think long and hard before you answer! He's no longer the boss cat! So who is this dirty rag-like Doraemon?! Who is this pathetic Mr.
Frieza who bled for you, got beaten to a pulp for you?! He's just another pal! I-Impossible! The strays are uniting! This is! This is!! M-Magnificent! Witness that swarming wave of virility! That's it! That is what is needed for Catnip Omega! There's no time for that, your majesty! We must evacuate! It's dangerous here! No! I want my Catnip Omega so I can be nippy! Nippy I tell you! Did you know? Naughty cats learn to behave if you neuter them.
Oh, really? I've never heard that before But it's just a myth, a myth.
That couldn't be enough to stop my burning pathos Why don't we find out? Huh? Bro, is it okay to ditch the king? Don't blame me if we get in trouble later.
Are you a moron? How could that fool be a king? This wasn't a bad job.
Turned a pretty profit, and we got to watch a fine show.
Of a true cat king Gin, you've really done it now Instead of succeeding me as boss cat, you abolished monarchy and turned Kabukicho into a lawless land.
They'll run wild now.
They'll be fine without a boss cat now.
Since they understand the pain their pal's been through.
And you can forget all the tedious stuff and live easy.
I Fatalism won't make anyone happy.
Live positively.
Your buddy didn't give you his body to help you survive for you to atone.
Don't you think he wanted his chained friend to live free like a stray? So I should live by my own rules, as you put it? That would be the Kabukicho way.
Gin, I have a favor to ask.
Don't worry.
I won't ask you to succeed me as boss cat again.
I just I want to be pals with I've been thinking The cats in this grave might not have been cursing us.
Say, why are we back like this? It's possible that they only wanted us to save Master Hoichi.
Hey, doesn't something stink? It's possible that they knew how Master Hoichi was suffering.
Hey, you said something about taking a dump here, right? It's possible that I had diarrhea.
Possible, my ass! It's damn obvious if you were the one who did it! Ah, it's true! Katsura's really here! Farewell, Gintoki! Hey! Something weird's popped out! Isn't this p- Give my regards to Master Hoichi! After him! After him! It was just as Kondo-san said! That's our commander for you! By the way, where have you been this whole time? We were worried, Kondo-san.
Kondo-san, you look different somehow.
Oh, did you cut your hair? Give my regards to Master Hoichi? Even if we run into one another, he won't recognize us.
And it stinks! I see.
So the strays were safely released from the embassy.
Yes.
But they're still running wild, so the neighborhood association is saying that they should still be neutered.
So? Gintoki's come back, right? Ah, yes.
He didn't give us any details, but he was apparently in a rough situation where he couldn't have anything sweet to eat.
Thank you very much.
Hey! Where do you think you're pissing, you damn stray?! Come on, what is this? How long do you need to piss? ["Thanks, pal.
".]
[Preview.]
Everybody, we'll be learning how to cook next week.
What? I don't need to.
Me, a samurai, learning how to cook? Too much of a pain.
Line up right now.
We're very sorry! The next episode "Cooking is About Guts.
" [Set out to marry rich?! The GinTama girl brigade attend the Kitaoji Cooking School.
.]
[Different people have vastly different approaches when making egg and boiled rice, huh?".]
[See you next time.
.]
Until that point, I had taken away many things that could never be replaced.
But I would use this body, the precious body he gave me, to protect those things that can never be replaced.
This town doesn't need a boss.
We're gonna live free! An uprising? I'm leaving the rest to you.
Hoichi! What are you doing?! Hurry up! We're leaving the rest to you, Odd Jobs! Grant the stray cats of Kabukicho! And their proud king! True freedom! ["Kabukicho Stray Cat Blues".]
Well, that should do it.
We've captured most of the strays in Kabukicho.
Thank you for your cooperation.
Well? Are there any to your liking? B-Bro What's with the feeble old cat? Moron! Don't make any stupid comments.
The cats will rip you apart and eat you.
That's their king.
Huh?! That old geezer's the king of Planet Catnip?! Moron! You're too loud! Why? Why's he here? Wouldn't the king coming to Edo be big news?! I never heard a word about it! He's obviously being discreet because he doesn't want people to know he's here! Doesn't want people to know he's here? Meow! Greetings, everyone.
What's with that old geezer?! He can speak our language?! Meow! It is a pleasure to meet you, cats of Earth.
Meow-yeow.
I apologize for any inconvenience caused by assembling you here.
I must confess that I have a favor to ask of you.
Hey, he's pretty talkative for someone who looks the quiet type.
Mew.
We may come from different planets, but we belong to the same race, which is why I hope you'll be willing to help.
Meow.
I am actually the king of a certain planet Purr.
I have grown old without producing any children.
Meorw.
And I must say that my wife is a dead fish in bed.
Of course, I love fish, at least the edible kind.
I mean, I'm a cat.
Hey! That geezer's spillin' everything to total strangers! Mrrow.
She won't budge or make a sound, no matter what I do.
Practically copulationless.
I've become a master at going solo.
And I'm used to a curved faucet, so normal sex completely fails to Hey! We don't want to hear this! Why do we have to listen to an old geezer's sexual preferences?! Myao.
I took a new wife, but by that time, I could no longer get it up.
Meows.
My nation is currently in an uproar over succession.
Meyow.
That is why I must ask a favor of you.
Hey, aren't we about to get lucky? I heard something about losing our souls, though Maybe this geezer brought us here to pick a successor Meowzer.
Could you all please give me your balls? Why?! What kind of twisted logic is that?! Meow-ow.
There is an ancient legend on our planet.
Nagas.
When the legendary "Golden Balls" are assembled, [Note: Parody of the manga "Dragon Ball".
.]
Meowes.
Shenlong will be awakened from its slumber in the earth, Meowlos.
Will you assist in awakening Meow.
my slumbering Shenlong? That king plans on extracting cat balls to produce the potent aphrodisiac Catnip Omega! Don't talk about Shenlong, you sick geezer! Screw that! Why do we have to give up our balls to help wake up your withered Shenlong?! Meowsus.
Your Golden Balls, brimming with virility, are the ideal ingredient.
Meowgos.
But this isn't enough.
Meof.
Your Golden Balls can shine brighter.
Where are we? Meows.
Do you know when seeds have the greatest survivability? It isn't when you find a DVD-porn that perfectly matches your tastes.
Nor is it when you encounter a ravishing female cat.
It is when your life is in danger.
When faced with absolute death, Golden Balls shine brightest in an attempt to leave its seed in this world.
N-No way Is that geezer planning on Now tremble in fear! You are currently faced with imminent death! Now, grant the Golden Balls light! Fuel it with all your energy! There's no need to worry! If you end up as corpses, I won't let your Golden Balls go to waste! He's gonna kill us! Eat us up, leaving only our balls behind! I won't let you pass I won't let you get one step past me.
Any further and you're on the turf of Hoichi, king of Kabukicho strays.
I-It's standing! On two legs! Wh-What is that?! What is up with that cat?! It's the king.
That is the boss cat which rules over Kabukicho Reigning over the stray cats Hoichi, the stray king.
M-Magnificent! The vitality! Courage! Brimming with virility! Ho-Hoichi! Why? Why?! Why is he helping us after what we did to him?! WHY?! Come on Hold on a little longer Just a little longer Hang in there Don't fall apart on me This guy's the last one Lend me your body A little longer!! You awake? So you're the stray who's been making a name for himself in Kabukicho recently.
You're a fool to pick fights with dogs.
Good thing you only lost your ears.
You're quite a handsome one.
There's no need to worry.
The charge you were protecting is fine as you can see.
Well, it ran off.
You're not very well-liked.
I was wondering why it felt like this wasn't our first meeting.
You're exactly like him.
I once picked up another stray.
On the verge of death, just like you, lying on the side of the road A stupid cat that was your match in every way.
I don't know how he ended up there though.
Always seemed as though he were looking for something.
Butting in where he wasn't wanted and pitting his own body to protect the things that were important for other people.
Almost like he was trying to atone for something.
Meanwhile, he kept nothing for himself.
Didn't get close to anyone.
He was always alone Just like you Maybe he was afraid of enduring the pain of loss again Maybe he didn't want others to experience what he had Perhaps he was trying to punish himself.
But you know There were other strays who were drawn to that idiot.
Soon he could no longer stay alone.
Maybe he just learned from them.
That fatalism won't make anyone happy.
Friends to protect, who protected him, may have given him the strength to move on.
You protect and suffer losses.
You're protected and suffer losses.
But then you take on a new burden.
In the end, it's just a cycle.
That's life.
Rough, isn't it? But you know, when I see the expressions on those three faces, I start to feel that it's not too bad.
Why am I saying all this to a cat? When I saw you rampaging around on your own, I was somehow reminded of how he used to be.
Live positively.
I'm sure you have friends waiting to support you.
The ones you care for would want you to do so I can't be positive, Granny I can't make anything happen by being positive I don't deserve any friends when I couldn't even protect my only pal I forgot how to make friends a long time ago.
Still, even if I couldn't make friends, I wanted to protect them.
I wanted to protect something with these hands, instead of taking from others Sorry I couldn't protect you all till the very end I'm a failure of a boss cat Pal, I broke another promise Sorry Gi- Gin!! Gi- Gin!! What is that cat?! Th-That's The newbie! Bastards! Did you hear what he said?! He just voluntarily gave up his position as boss cat! From this point on, Kabukicho will be a city of free strays! Kabukicho no longer has a boss cat! From now on, you're free to do whatever you want! Live by your own rules! Now that you're free, let's test those free-minded idea of yours! Think long and hard before you answer! He's no longer the boss cat! So who is this dirty rag-like Doraemon?! Who is this pathetic Mr.
Frieza who bled for you, got beaten to a pulp for you?! He's just another pal! I-Impossible! The strays are uniting! This is! This is!! M-Magnificent! Witness that swarming wave of virility! That's it! That is what is needed for Catnip Omega! There's no time for that, your majesty! We must evacuate! It's dangerous here! No! I want my Catnip Omega so I can be nippy! Nippy I tell you! Did you know? Naughty cats learn to behave if you neuter them.
Oh, really? I've never heard that before But it's just a myth, a myth.
That couldn't be enough to stop my burning pathos Why don't we find out? Huh? Bro, is it okay to ditch the king? Don't blame me if we get in trouble later.
Are you a moron? How could that fool be a king? This wasn't a bad job.
Turned a pretty profit, and we got to watch a fine show.
Of a true cat king Gin, you've really done it now Instead of succeeding me as boss cat, you abolished monarchy and turned Kabukicho into a lawless land.
They'll run wild now.
They'll be fine without a boss cat now.
Since they understand the pain their pal's been through.
And you can forget all the tedious stuff and live easy.
I Fatalism won't make anyone happy.
Live positively.
Your buddy didn't give you his body to help you survive for you to atone.
Don't you think he wanted his chained friend to live free like a stray? So I should live by my own rules, as you put it? That would be the Kabukicho way.
Gin, I have a favor to ask.
Don't worry.
I won't ask you to succeed me as boss cat again.
I just I want to be pals with I've been thinking The cats in this grave might not have been cursing us.
Say, why are we back like this? It's possible that they only wanted us to save Master Hoichi.
Hey, doesn't something stink? It's possible that they knew how Master Hoichi was suffering.
Hey, you said something about taking a dump here, right? It's possible that I had diarrhea.
Possible, my ass! It's damn obvious if you were the one who did it! Ah, it's true! Katsura's really here! Farewell, Gintoki! Hey! Something weird's popped out! Isn't this p- Give my regards to Master Hoichi! After him! After him! It was just as Kondo-san said! That's our commander for you! By the way, where have you been this whole time? We were worried, Kondo-san.
Kondo-san, you look different somehow.
Oh, did you cut your hair? Give my regards to Master Hoichi? Even if we run into one another, he won't recognize us.
And it stinks! I see.
So the strays were safely released from the embassy.
Yes.
But they're still running wild, so the neighborhood association is saying that they should still be neutered.
So? Gintoki's come back, right? Ah, yes.
He didn't give us any details, but he was apparently in a rough situation where he couldn't have anything sweet to eat.
Thank you very much.
Hey! Where do you think you're pissing, you damn stray?! Come on, what is this? How long do you need to piss? ["Thanks, pal.
".]
[Preview.]
Everybody, we'll be learning how to cook next week.
What? I don't need to.
Me, a samurai, learning how to cook? Too much of a pain.
Line up right now.
We're very sorry! The next episode "Cooking is About Guts.
" [Set out to marry rich?! The GinTama girl brigade attend the Kitaoji Cooking School.
.]
[Different people have vastly different approaches when making egg and boiled rice, huh?".]
[See you next time.
.]