Gossip Girl s05e20 Episode Script
Salon of the Dead
Gossip Girl here Your one and only source into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite.
It's time to pass the "Gossip Girl" baton.
"Welcome to your future as Gossip Girl 3.
0.
The power is now in your hands.
" I told Chuck he doesn't have my heart anymore.
I realized it belongs to someone else.
"As for the rest of my estate, I leave to you, Ivy Dickens.
" I think it'd be best if you left.
I was just gonna say the same thing.
This is my apartment now.
I heard from Ivy's lawyer.
She got a call from the bank saying there was a cashier's check waiting for her.
Do you know anything about this? It was a ruse to get her out of the apartment.
But you didn't just lie to her.
You lied to me.
I will go back down and get Mr.
Humphrey's bags.
Well, um, actually, this is it for now.
I'm ready to move on with my life, and I can't do that with Gossip Girl tracking my every move.
Find a new Serena.
Use your influence to anoint her the new "it" girl.
Please tell me we have an offer that will at least keep "The Spectator" afloat.
Yes, I do know Diana Payne.
"The Spectator" is yours.
I'm just here in a support capacity.
Deal? Deal.
They needed a family member for a blood transfusion, and I gave the doctors Jack's number.
Jack? You're covering for who really gave me the blood-- Elizabeth.
She didn't want you to know.
Elizabeth is not your mother.
Keep looking.
Someone donated that blood.
I wanna know who.
And who am I? That's a secret I'll never tell.
You know you love me.
X.
O.
X.
O.
, Gossip Girl.
Even on the Upper East Side, the laws of physics dictate that what goes up must come down.
Even when it feels as if our feet are a million miles off the ground.
But when we've hit rock bottom, we hope that some way, somehow, our fortunes will change That a great force will reverse the trend.
Hey.
Sorry.
Did I wake you? It's after 9:00.
Yeah, that's dawn on the Upper East Side.
What's going on? Well, remember how I called "Page Six" and Perez Hilton "trash-filled rags for small-minded individuals"? Yeah, I think I recall something along those lines.
Well, I take it back.
Sort of.
I still think gossip sites are demonic, but even I have to admit that this whole "it" girl thing has its perks.
Oh, really? Like what? Like Lars Von trier requesting me for an audition? He's doing a staging of "Dancer in the Dark" at the public.
No big whoop.
I mean, he's only a bona fide film God.
That's fantastic.
When are we gonna celebrate? I mean, I'm free right now.
How about after my audition? It's today, and so I need every waking moment to prepare, which includes tracking down Serena and getting her advice on what to wear for my debut.
Actually, she's been kind of distant lately.
I can't figure out why.
Listen, just 'cause you're cousins doesn't mean you have to be best friends.
My cousin tried to kill me.
Okay, I gotta go.
Talk soon.
We have a very busy day ahead of us, so try to look alive.
We begin with-- just how lonely boy like-- over easy with croissant on side.
Jam with four fruits, not plain strawberry.
Thank you, Dorota.
You know me so well.
As I was saying, or at least attempting to say before you two started chatting about condiments, we will be walking the red carpet at opening night of "End of the Rainbow" tonight-- our first public outing as a couple.
So I'm scheduled for a photo facial at 10:00, and then Tracy Anderson will be twisting my body into positions you couldn't even imagine at 11:00.
In the meantime, why don't you go home and shower? Or not shower and just use deodorant as people from Brooklyn are wont to do.
We'll grab cocktails before curtain, 7:00 P.
M.
, where the red carpet, paparazzi, and at least one stirring tale of alcoholism and financial ruin await us.
God.
It's good to be back in the saddle.
Sounds like a perfect plan.
Of course it is.
I came up with it.
So be on time.
Are you sure it's okay if I borrow it? Of course.
You have to wear the perfect thing, not just for the audition, but for all the people that will be writing about you going to it.
You know, it's funny, the only person who seems to not be writing about you these days is Gossip Girl.
Hmm.
That doesn't bother me.
Really? I mean, she is the crown jewel of the New York gossip blogs.
Maybe when you were in high school, but now it seems like she's kind of irrelevant.
Oh, be careful what you say.
She might be able to hear you.
This is the biggest audition of my life.
Last thing I'm worried about is some pathetic blogger in a dark room tethered to a computer.
So are you nervous? Petrified.
Von Trier's a genius, but he's got a reputation for being really tough on actresses.
Personally, I think directors wield a little bit too much power, so even if he's tough, no tears from me.
Well, you seem so confident today, that nothing could make you cry, even if it should.
Uh, well, thank you so much for this dress, Serena.
I really appreciate it.
Of course.
Break a leg.
Thanks.
Hmm.
What's with the tie? Oh, it's a-- it's a Blair thing.
I find it's best to pick my battles.
What's with the tool belt? Oh, it's a handyman thing.
I can see that, and as happy as I am to have a chair that finally rolls, uh, don't you think it's time for you to head home? I am home.
No, I mean your other home-- the one with your wife in it.
Usually, you two are the king and queen of reconciliation.
Shouldn't you be forgiving each other right now in the midst of a teary embrace? I know.
I don't know how I let things get so out of hand.
Fix 'em, like the chair.
It's not that simple.
I feel as though Lily and I have stopped being honest with each other.
So tell her the truth.
Well, that's the thing.
I I'm not sure that I haven't been lying this whole time to myself as much as to her.
I mean, when Lily and I first got married, I threw myself into her world.
I became a plus one at her galas and in life.
But in the process, I lost myself and what's important to me.
We never managed to build a life together that included both of us.
And I'm tired of it.
But now you're living separately, stuck in a stalemate.
That isn't exactly the ideal alternative.
Yeah, but at least I'm regaining my identity.
I know you're happy with Blair, and maybe in time, you'll learn to love wearing this tie.
But don't lose sight of yourself.
Good morning.
Late because of Lola, I presume? I wish.
Trouble in paradise? I hope it isn't me.
It isn't.
Good, 'cause that was a lie.
I hope it is me.
Ooh, I've got a smile.
Watch out.
I may take it the wrong way.
Could be trouble.
Oh, yeah, yeah, go ahead and pile it on.
No, there's just a lot going on right now.
My girlfriend is totally caught up in her new life.
Serena and I are not on good terms.
I haven't seen Dan in forever.
My best friend's on a mission that I know is only gonna get him hurt.
Chuck's on a mission? Yeah, he's looking for a missing relative.
And if you have to look that hard, it's never the answer you wanna find.
You know, I better run.
I'm gonna be late for my 11:00.
Jack, it's me.
I just heard from Nate that Chuck's still on the hunt.
We have to stop him snooping around, or sooner or later, he's going to find out the truth.
Hang on.
Serena is holding my site hostage.
If you don't get it back for me, I'll tell everyone the secret that made you afraid of me in the first place.
Hello.
I'm Lola Rhodes.
I'm here to read for the part of-- Your audition has been canceled.
What? No, I got a call yesterday.
There must be some mistake.
I don't understand.
Oh, maybe this "Gossip Girl" blast will help clarify it for you.
Lola is a diva.
Wannabe actress Lola Rhodes was overhead bragging, "Everyone knows the star's the thing.
"Real actors don't take direction.
Some are just better at pretending they do.
" You can go.
Rufus? It seems I've made too much salad.
Fine.
I, uh, I had it delivered, but it's a generous serving, enough for two, and I just happened to find myself in this neighborhood, and I thought you might like some leftovers.
You just happened to find yourself in this neighborhood? I may have ordered a car with no other destination than this one.
Please, take it.
I will eat your roughage, but we both know that's not why you're here.
Why can't you just admit you wanted to see me? Okay, fine.
I missed you.
I said it.
Rufus, the Upper East Side holds all the comforts I desire-- clean sidewalks, Bergdorf Goodman, and people whose job it is to open doors.
But there is no you.
And you're the only comfort I really need.
And the apartment just It just doesn't seem like a home without you in it.
And in my abundance of time alone this week, I had a chance to think, what would you say to me selling the apartment and us finding our own place-- one that fits us both? Really? You'd do that? You love that apartment.
I like that apartment a lot, but I love you.
And I want us to work.
Me, too.
So were you a hit? Hardly.
A nasty "Gossip Girl" blast landed before I did.
I didn't even get a chance to read.
You know, I really don't get it.
She's radio silent and then decides to go after me on the most important day of my life? Yeah.
Pfft.
I don't know.
Gossip Girl works in mysterious ways.
I guess she isn't so irrelevant after all, huh? Hey You didn't happen to mention anything about our conversation about Lars Von Trier, did you? I mean, not that I even said anything bad, but-- No, not--not a word.
Okay.
Well, I guess I'll just act like I'm not totally mortified and try and get on with my life.
Hopefully, this is the last I'm hearing from her.
Yeah, hopefully.
I'll talk to you later.
Isn't it exciting? Finally meeting the infamous Gossip Girl in the flesh.
Hi.
How many? Hi.
Two, please.
Thanks.
Why did we have to come all the way out here lunch? Actually, I was hoping we could go next door to the Community Garden.
They're having a tree-planting event.
My friend Alexis is covering it for McSweeney's, so she wanted to grab a photo of us going green.
What? No.
Just because a tree grows in Brooklyn does not mean I have to plant it.
I'm not going green.
I'm going home.
Wait a second.
Wait a second.
Look, we can't be photographed.
We are coming out tonight as a couple at the theater.
So we can come out now in Brooklyn and then uptown later.
I mean, it's--it's the best of both worlds.
Dan, a couple only has one chance to make a first impression on the world, and I'm not doing it knee-deep in fertilizer looking like Vanessa whatshername.
Look, Blair, I'm not trying to be difficult, but I don't wanna just melt into your world and lose myself completely.
We need a balance.
But I just spent the last year of my life playing Marie Antoinette to Prince Possessive.
I'm not going from Habsburg to Williamsburg.
I wanna be me.
And I wanna be me.
I'm sorry.
We didn't mean to eavesdrop, but we couldn't help but overhear your argument.
We've had the same fight over a million times.
I'm die-hard Upper East Side.
And I'm as Queens as acrylic nails.
So we know a thing or two about settling our differences.
Wait.
It's you.
You're Julian Tepper, and you're Jenna Gribbon.
You're like the Brangelina of the five boroughs.
How you doing? Hi.
I'm Blair Waldorf.
Dan.
Jenna.
Dan.
So how did you find a solution? What was your compromise? Well, that's a long story.
Well, we have time.
Lunch? I'm sorry about your audition.
I know how badly you wanted the part.
You'll get the next one, okay? Have you ever wondered who Gossip Girl actually is? Like, have you ever tried to find her? Yeah, of course.
You know, but she keeps her identity pretty well hidden.
I have a theory--Serena.
Serena what? Serena is Gossip Girl.
There's no use denying it.
I know you're the acting Queen of Cyberspace.
I also know that the real Gossip Girl has been badgering you to return her site.
I should warn you that she's prepared to go to great lengths to get what she wants, but this doesn't matter, because I want to help you stay on as Gossip Girl.
I want to protect your identity and help you keep the site.
Lola, that's ludicrous.
Serena's hated Gossip Girl since we were freshmen in high school.
I mean, you can read for yourself all the negative posts about her.
Well, of course Gossip Girl has to slam Serena sometimes.
It'd be pretty obvious if she didn't.
Why would you wanna help me? Maybe I'll be helping myself, too.
If you remember, I have a history with Gossip Girl.
Well, a history with Gossip Girl means you have something to hide.
I'm a woman who has lived.
I have plenty to hide.
But if you continue your reign as Gossip Girl, we both win.
Well, so far you've only told me how you do.
Lola, look, I know you're an actress, and there's a certain amount of quirkiness that I'm supposed to find charming, but this is too much.
You have to stop letting your imagination run wild.
Come on.
We have a reservation at Masa in 15 minutes.
Actually, I don't think I can go.
I have to fix the situation with my audition.
I have a great deal of influence in New York media.
I'll make sure that your version of "Gossip Girl" is the most popular web site in town.
I'm sorry, Nate.
Wait.
So what are you gonna do, call the director? Or just spend the whole afternoon obsessing about conspiracy theories? Seriously, Lola, it needs to stop.
I have to think about it.
Don't take too long.
Serena's Gossip Girl.
Just wait.
I'm gonna prove it to you.
I'll be at "The Spectator" after lunch.
You can give me your answer then.
Happy blogging.
And that is the story of how I got Julian and his Prada loafers to Astoria.
And now I love pork buns.
Who knew? Well, thank you for having lunch with us.
You've really given us hope.
Well, meals are easier to negotiate, but what about your social life? Actually, every month we host a salon.
Good food, good wine.
Intellectual discussion.
Not to brag, but people fight for invites.
You should come.
Agyness Deyn and Sara Sophie Flicker came to the last one, and Mario Carbone and Rich Torrisi did the menu, and then we screened "My Man Godfrey.
" Carole Lombard is my spirit animal.
We'll absolutely be at the next one.
Guys, this has been fun, but we've gotta go.
Nice meeting you.
Nice to meet you, too.
Very nice to meet you.
Dan.
Yeah.
I thought they were cute.
I wonder if it'll last.
To be transported back to the vicious circle.
It's so romantic and--and so au courant, so-- it's the perfect combination of you and me.
It's as if the Angelika was on 75th Street.
Let's forget the garden and the theater and just host a salon for our official coming out.
Its only fault is that I didn't think of it myself.
Come on! We have planning to do.
Yeah, I like that one.
Just tell him to put it in color, please.
Thanks.
Hey, have you seen Diana? Uh, yeah, she's downstairs, in her office.
So are we still in a fight? Uh, well, you did fire me, but, um, it actually turned out for the best.
I don't know about you, but I'd really like to put it behind us.
Yeah, me, too.
So what's new in your life? Uh, recently, I've had my hands full with your long-lost cousin.
What do you mean? Ever since Lola hit the "it" girl radar, she's been completely M.
I.
A.
, and I didn't think she was the type of girl to get caught up in it, but today there was this "Gossip Girl" blast about her, and she just kinda lost it-- All worked up, theories about who Gossip Girl is.
Well, who does she think it is? You, actually.
What? Yeah.
That's insane.
What have I ever done to her? No, I know.
It's crazy.
She's just upset her audition, looking for someone to blame.
Well, tell her not to look at me.
I really hope this ride doesn't change her.
I mean, she was such a sweet girl.
Hey, it was, um, good to talk to you.
I'm--I'm gonna go find Diana.
Yeah, you, too.
Good news, Jack.
I'm about to make a deal with Serena, and as long as she controls the "Gossip Girl" web site, no one will ever find out what I did for Chuck at the hospital.
Uh-oh, Diana.
Bye.
Looks like mischief is written into your D.
N.
A.
Okay, now that takes care of the flowers.
What glasses shall we use? Mason jars.
There is something to be said about that whole farm-to-table phenom.
Uh, wine? French.
Theme? Well, I have a thing for Du Maurier, and you hanker for T.
S.
Eliot.
We both love Radiohead.
"London Calling"-- An ode to the Brits.
It's perfect.
April Bloomfield will cater.
I do secretly love pub food when it's made with foie.
Who--who to invite? Serena? I-I really want us to have a chance at being successful tonight.
If she's there, we'll both be on edge.
So I think we should just wait till we have our footing.
Nate? At a salon? I'm not even gonna dignify that with a response.
Well, since we're breaking new ground together, why don't we bring some new people into the mix? Like, uh, how about our new couple friends? Well, they do qualify as influencers.
Approved.
And what about Diana Payne? She's British, and she's press.
If she writes about tonight, our new world will be the hottest destination in New York.
Oh, okay, Vanya.
I see you tonight.
Big kisses to you and Ana and Leo.
Mwah, mwah, mwah.
Hey, Dorota.
I'm here looking for Serena.
Have you seen her? Oh, miss Serena hiding in room all day long like blonde Unabomber.
You know the best part of this guest list? No "Gossip Girl" moles.
I mean, can you imagine an entire night without having to worry about embarrassing online photos or snarky e-blasts? And since we're gonna be surrounded by New York literati and Brooklyn's literati, it's the perfect opportunity for you to announce your second book.
You think that's a good idea? We'll be making our debut as a couple, and you can reclaim your place as the most important young writer in New York City.
Of course I think it's a good idea.
Vanya, Mr.
Humphrey will be back shortly, and he'll have some bags with him if you could help him upstairs.
I will be so happy to have Mr.
Humphrey back.
I haven't heard any great guitar riffs through the wall lately.
Oh! Here.
Thank you.
Hello? Rufus Humphrey, please.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Uh, my husband's not here at the moment.
He should be home in an hour or so.
This is the front desk at the Soho Grand.
I'm just calling to verify his credit card information.
Oh, I can do that.
What is he paying for? The stay of a hotel guest-- Ivy Dickens.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm-- I absolutely cannot verify that card.
Certainly not to pay for Ivy Dickens.
Okay.
Uh, thank you for your time.
Thank you.
Excuse me.
Weren't you working the night that Chuck Bass was brought into the hospital? Yes.
I remember that night well.
Do you happen to recognize this woman? Yes.
She arrived at the hospital the night of the accident.
She donated blood and left quickly before Mr.
Bass regained consciousness.
Thank you so much.
You've been a huge help.
Sure.
Hi.
This is Serena Van Der Woodsen, calling for Ms.
Payne.
I'm sorry.
She's not available at the moment.
Would you like to leave a message? Uh, do you know where I might find her? I need to speak with her immediately.
I-I have a lead on a story that I know she'll wanna break before the "Daily News".
Okay, uh, just a second.
She'll be attending the salon at Daniel Humphrey's this evening.
It's located at-- Yeah, okay, I got it.
Thank you.
I know you're mad at me, but if you'll just meet me at Dan's, I have proof that Serena is Gossip Girl.
Fine, but only on the condition that if your so-called proof comes up short, you'll agree to drop this once and for all.
Yes, absolutely.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
You won't regret it.
All right.
See you soon.
Any interest in, uh, taking a little field trip out to the 7-1-8? Sure.
I haven't been slumming in a while.
Seems New York's newest intellectuals are about to get dumbed down.
Welcome, everybody.
Tonight is about wit and wisdom and discussion.
Our theme of the evening, as you know, is all things British.
And our menu, prepared by chef April Bloomfield, takes its inspiration from that theme.
So as each new dish is served, a new topic of discussion will be introduced.
Food service will begin momentarily, but until then, Dan and I are so pleased to be hosting you.
Cheerio! Here, here! Sorry I'm late.
Late? How can you be late to an event you didn't even know was happening? What are you doing here? In the madness of planning this soiree, you must have forgotten to invite me.
But it's okay.
Don't stop on account of me.
I'll just make myself at home.
Um, the first course is a lovely combination of Look, it's Lola.
I'm wearing the Lola.
Wait, you invited her? Yes.
No.
Talk amongst yourselves.
Dan and I will be back in a London minute.
I am trying to maintain a stiff British upper lip, but how can I keep calm and carry on with those two here? Serena will spend the whole night judging us, and Lola is probably just trying to squeeze every last drop of free press out of the night so she can move on from the community theater circuit.
Blair, our salon can easily handle a few party crashers.
And besides, you should be at least a little flattered that they both made it all the way to Brooklyn to check it out.
Look Tonight is gonna be great.
Deal? Deal.
Isn't this exciting, Dan making his big book announcement tonight? Hey, wasn't it Gossip Girl who first broke the news about "Inside"? I think so.
Do you think she'll break the news about the sequel tonight, or will someone else beat her to the punch? I mean, there are a lot of media types here.
Of course, maybe Gossip Girl is here, too.
In which case, she doesn't have to worry.
Gossip Girl doesn't need to travel to get her news.
She's got sources everywhere.
Really? Even at a party like this? I mean look around.
Who would be sending Gossip Girl tips? Well, all I'm saying is that this book party is a pretty big deal.
I think Gossip Girl would have to post about it to stay relevant.
Look, I understand Gossip Girl's probably pretty fascinating to a newcomer like you, but to me, she's just not.
If you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go rejoin the other guests.
What are you doing here? I'm not sure.
Nate invited me.
What are we doing here? Well, Lola invited us.
Hi, hi, hi.
Where do you get off inviting people to my salon? Explain yourself.
Yes, Lola, I think an explanation's in order.
Nate, listen to me.
Blair, leave it.
I know you think I've completely lost it, but I'm about to prove to you once and for all that Serena is Gossip Girl.
But what if you're wrong? I'm not.
Serena crashed this party because she heard that Dan was gonna announce the topic of his second book, and I promise you that 30 seconds later, it's gonna be all over "Gossip Girl.
" Yeah, well, that doesn't prove anything.
I mean, anyone here could send in a tip, including Dan.
Fine.
I have a better idea.
Wait, Lola-- No.
I'll show you.
Trust me.
So, Mr.
Humphrey, how you like new magnetic fields? I love it.
Hey, Lil.
Can you just leave these here? Thank you.
Have you secretly been putting Ivy Dickens up in a hotel? Yes, I have.
You left her penniless, I'm the one who convinced her to move out.
I felt responsible, couldn't let her live on the street.
Why not? She's a thief.
That's exactly where she belongs.
She's a young girl.
She has nothing.
She has no family, no friends.
No money.
I could care less about Ivy, which you well know.
How could you help this girl Lily, you have to under-- After what she did to our family? I did what I thought was right.
With my money.
I used my own personal credit card.
At least now I know how you really feel.
This is clearly a much bigger issue.
Entrees are almost ready, but I've ran out of ice, and I need the ice to finish off my dessert and my special cocktail.
I think Meryl Streep was a perfect In the world of the novel, London has become the very idea of the big city.
I need to speak with you.
Excuse me.
Graham Greene.
Martin Amis.
Discuss.
Okay, don't freak out, but since everybody's crashing, April's running short on ice.
We need to run out and get some more, so dinner's gonna be delayed.
How long? No.
You know what? We can handle this.
W.
W.
D.
P.
D.
? Mm? What would Dorothy Parker do? Uh, get them drunk until we get back.
Of course.
A-a liquid diet of booze and great intellectual discussion should suffice.
Can I top off anyone's wine? Nothing gets conversation flowing like a good red.
Dan, why are we discussing British literary figures when we have New York's most celebrated author in our midst? An author with an announcement, perhaps? Good evening, everyone.
Sorry I'm late.
Oh, Diana.
Just the person I was hoping to see.
Do--do you have a moment to speak privately? Sure.
And we're off to get the ice.
So I'm assuming you have an answer for me.
What do you say? Me and my resources plus Gossip Girl is a powerful combination.
Well, I don't know.
Usually when I enter into a partnership with someone, I-I like to know everything about them.
I-I think they call that vetting? Vet away, darling.
Well, I just have a couple questions.
Like, where were you the night of Chuck's accident, November 18th? I was I was here in New York.
And do you happen to know where he was treated for his injuries? Or his blood type? Do you know the date he was born or where you were on that date? I know what you're getting at.
Well, if you know what I'm getting at, then why don't you answer for me? Or would you like me to do that? What do you want me to say? The nurse recognized you.
You saved Chuck's life.
And you did that because I'm Chuck's mother.
If you want my advice, it's run, Lola, run, 'cause you just let out the mother of all secrets.
Is it true? Yes, Charles, it is.
Don't.
Just stay right there.
You have been in New York for months, inviting me to parties, hiring my friends, hanging out in my apartment in your underwear, banging my best friend.
Did it not occur to you to mention this, that you were my mother?! Please, Chuck, I can explain.
I-I can't do this right now or ever.
I can't.
Well, this is the most dramatic salon I've ever been to.
Very unbritish, if you ask me.
I hope you're pleased with yourself.
I was right all along.
You're actually her.
You're Gossip Girl.
Even if I am, it doesn't matter.
Do you realize the damage that you've just done? You had no right to do that.
Who wants another Pimm's Cup? Wait.
What happened here? Where's everyone going? That was more soap opera than salon.
This never would've happened at the Oracle Club.
This was supposed to be our coming out party.
It was supposed to capture who we are as a couple, but it wasn't smart or interesting.
It wasn't uptown or downtown.
It was a bloody mess.
Blair, it was-- it was just a party.
No, it wasn't.
We tried to create a new world for our relationship to exist in, but we failed miserably.
You don't want to live in my world, and I certainly don't want to live in yours.
So where does that leave us? I don't know.
I'm genuinely sorry that I hurt Chuck today.
I'm not sorry I hurt you.
Here's your coat, sir.
Please, whatever you do, just don't tell anyone what you know.
Nate, wait.
Where are you going? I need to find Chuck and make sure he's all right.
I'm sorry.
This is all my fault.
I told you to leave things alone.
It's one thing to accuse Serena of being Gossip Girl.
But sending in that video about Chuck? I can't forgive that.
I mean, do you have anything to say for yourself? No.
Thank you.
The Brits say "God save the Queen.
" But it looks like Lola is the one in need of a royal S.
O.
S.
Nate, I need to speak with you and Chuck.
We don't have anything to say to you.
You need to go now.
It's okay.
I may be angry, but I need to know the truth.
You running away? No.
Joining the army? Auditioning for one of those "America's Got Idol Talent Factor" shows? I was hoping I could have a sleepover with you.
You do realize that means you'd be entering my world.
I do.
Our relationship is not choosing one world or another.
Our relationship is our world.
Well, then tonight our relationship was a world-wide disaster.
It's probably not gonna be our last, but we have to face these disasters together.
We're a team.
So maybe we can be a team at the met ball? Absolutely.
And, uh, at a beet pickling festival.
Mmm.
You know I wouldn't be caught dead at a beet pickling festival? I'm just messing with you.
I met your father when he was still with Elizabeth.
I was very young.
I couldn't resist him.
He was charming, handsome.
It felt as if he had the whole world at his feet.
I knew he was involved with someone else.
You mean married.
Yeah.
We had an affair, and it only ended when I got pregnant.
But you kept the baby.
You must have wanted me.
I mean, why did you give me up? I was a mess.
Mixed up in the wrong things with the wrong people.
Unfit to raise a child.
And then Elizabeth-- she couldn't get pregnant.
It seemed like a way to solve all our problems.
So you made a deal.
After it was over, I left town, alone and ashamed.
But a few years later, when I heard that Elizabeth had died, although I now know that wasn't the case, I came back.
But Elizabeth couldn't do it.
She couldn't stick to her end of the bargain, to raise someone else's child as her own.
I wanted to see you desperately.
But Bart thought it would be too confusing for you.
So you just stayed away until eight months ago? When I came back to the city last fall, I was hoping to watch over you from afar.
Nate's bed is not that far.
Well, I didn't intend for things to get as serious as they did with Nate.
And then I thought, if you never find out the truth, what's the harm? So what does it all mean Now that I know? That's for you to decide.
You know where to find me.
Haven't you stirred up enough trouble for one night? I came to return this.
Why didn't you tell Nate when you had the chance? Because I knew it would hurt him if he found out.
You're one of his best friends.
Even when you guys are mad at each other, he still cares about you.
I couldn't ruin Chuck's life and Nate's in the same night.
Can I just ask why? Why do you do it? I only became Gossip Girl recently, and--and right now it's the only thing I have.
I mean, it's--it's the only thing in my life that I can hold on to, you know, because a lot of times my life is just really out of control.
Well, I get that, but you're doing exactly what was done to you and to everyone else.
Yeah.
I mean, I was hurt, sure, but I survived.
A little adversity can actually be good for you.
You'll see how things work around here.
No, I won't, actually.
I'm officially resigning from the Upper East Side.
I have a whole life at Julliard where the drama's reserved for the stage, and I think I belong back there.
So if you want the Upper East Side back, it's all yours.
You're the only "it" girl that matters, anyway.
You see to that yourself.
The Upper East Side is filled with high rollers.
Sorry, sir, but your debit card was declined.
Are you sure about that? Why don't you try running it again? I did.
Four times, to be precise.
Sorry about that.
Here you go.
I don't need change.
Some people choose to bet on themselves while others are happy to bet on someone else.
I'm sorry, but if you insist that Damien Hirst's work is anything but simple-minded, sensationalist, and fatuous, I'm not sure I'll be able to lay my head next to yours tonight.
That's--that's fine, but you can't deny that his influence on the art market as we know it today is massive.
But luck is a funny thing.
It's easy to accept it when it goes your way.
But when it doesn't call it injustice, call it treachery Hey, mom.
You were right.
The Upper East Side is toxic.
I never should have stepped foot in it, just like you warned me.
But, um, you don't have to worry because I'm done with it.
There's nothing else tying me to the Van Der Woodsens or their world, so I have to say, it's huge relief.
Talk to you soon.
But remember, the most important rule in gambling is that the house always wins.
You know you love me.
X.
O.
X.
O.
, Gossip Girl.
It's time to pass the "Gossip Girl" baton.
"Welcome to your future as Gossip Girl 3.
0.
The power is now in your hands.
" I told Chuck he doesn't have my heart anymore.
I realized it belongs to someone else.
"As for the rest of my estate, I leave to you, Ivy Dickens.
" I think it'd be best if you left.
I was just gonna say the same thing.
This is my apartment now.
I heard from Ivy's lawyer.
She got a call from the bank saying there was a cashier's check waiting for her.
Do you know anything about this? It was a ruse to get her out of the apartment.
But you didn't just lie to her.
You lied to me.
I will go back down and get Mr.
Humphrey's bags.
Well, um, actually, this is it for now.
I'm ready to move on with my life, and I can't do that with Gossip Girl tracking my every move.
Find a new Serena.
Use your influence to anoint her the new "it" girl.
Please tell me we have an offer that will at least keep "The Spectator" afloat.
Yes, I do know Diana Payne.
"The Spectator" is yours.
I'm just here in a support capacity.
Deal? Deal.
They needed a family member for a blood transfusion, and I gave the doctors Jack's number.
Jack? You're covering for who really gave me the blood-- Elizabeth.
She didn't want you to know.
Elizabeth is not your mother.
Keep looking.
Someone donated that blood.
I wanna know who.
And who am I? That's a secret I'll never tell.
You know you love me.
X.
O.
X.
O.
, Gossip Girl.
Even on the Upper East Side, the laws of physics dictate that what goes up must come down.
Even when it feels as if our feet are a million miles off the ground.
But when we've hit rock bottom, we hope that some way, somehow, our fortunes will change That a great force will reverse the trend.
Hey.
Sorry.
Did I wake you? It's after 9:00.
Yeah, that's dawn on the Upper East Side.
What's going on? Well, remember how I called "Page Six" and Perez Hilton "trash-filled rags for small-minded individuals"? Yeah, I think I recall something along those lines.
Well, I take it back.
Sort of.
I still think gossip sites are demonic, but even I have to admit that this whole "it" girl thing has its perks.
Oh, really? Like what? Like Lars Von trier requesting me for an audition? He's doing a staging of "Dancer in the Dark" at the public.
No big whoop.
I mean, he's only a bona fide film God.
That's fantastic.
When are we gonna celebrate? I mean, I'm free right now.
How about after my audition? It's today, and so I need every waking moment to prepare, which includes tracking down Serena and getting her advice on what to wear for my debut.
Actually, she's been kind of distant lately.
I can't figure out why.
Listen, just 'cause you're cousins doesn't mean you have to be best friends.
My cousin tried to kill me.
Okay, I gotta go.
Talk soon.
We have a very busy day ahead of us, so try to look alive.
We begin with-- just how lonely boy like-- over easy with croissant on side.
Jam with four fruits, not plain strawberry.
Thank you, Dorota.
You know me so well.
As I was saying, or at least attempting to say before you two started chatting about condiments, we will be walking the red carpet at opening night of "End of the Rainbow" tonight-- our first public outing as a couple.
So I'm scheduled for a photo facial at 10:00, and then Tracy Anderson will be twisting my body into positions you couldn't even imagine at 11:00.
In the meantime, why don't you go home and shower? Or not shower and just use deodorant as people from Brooklyn are wont to do.
We'll grab cocktails before curtain, 7:00 P.
M.
, where the red carpet, paparazzi, and at least one stirring tale of alcoholism and financial ruin await us.
God.
It's good to be back in the saddle.
Sounds like a perfect plan.
Of course it is.
I came up with it.
So be on time.
Are you sure it's okay if I borrow it? Of course.
You have to wear the perfect thing, not just for the audition, but for all the people that will be writing about you going to it.
You know, it's funny, the only person who seems to not be writing about you these days is Gossip Girl.
Hmm.
That doesn't bother me.
Really? I mean, she is the crown jewel of the New York gossip blogs.
Maybe when you were in high school, but now it seems like she's kind of irrelevant.
Oh, be careful what you say.
She might be able to hear you.
This is the biggest audition of my life.
Last thing I'm worried about is some pathetic blogger in a dark room tethered to a computer.
So are you nervous? Petrified.
Von Trier's a genius, but he's got a reputation for being really tough on actresses.
Personally, I think directors wield a little bit too much power, so even if he's tough, no tears from me.
Well, you seem so confident today, that nothing could make you cry, even if it should.
Uh, well, thank you so much for this dress, Serena.
I really appreciate it.
Of course.
Break a leg.
Thanks.
Hmm.
What's with the tie? Oh, it's a-- it's a Blair thing.
I find it's best to pick my battles.
What's with the tool belt? Oh, it's a handyman thing.
I can see that, and as happy as I am to have a chair that finally rolls, uh, don't you think it's time for you to head home? I am home.
No, I mean your other home-- the one with your wife in it.
Usually, you two are the king and queen of reconciliation.
Shouldn't you be forgiving each other right now in the midst of a teary embrace? I know.
I don't know how I let things get so out of hand.
Fix 'em, like the chair.
It's not that simple.
I feel as though Lily and I have stopped being honest with each other.
So tell her the truth.
Well, that's the thing.
I I'm not sure that I haven't been lying this whole time to myself as much as to her.
I mean, when Lily and I first got married, I threw myself into her world.
I became a plus one at her galas and in life.
But in the process, I lost myself and what's important to me.
We never managed to build a life together that included both of us.
And I'm tired of it.
But now you're living separately, stuck in a stalemate.
That isn't exactly the ideal alternative.
Yeah, but at least I'm regaining my identity.
I know you're happy with Blair, and maybe in time, you'll learn to love wearing this tie.
But don't lose sight of yourself.
Good morning.
Late because of Lola, I presume? I wish.
Trouble in paradise? I hope it isn't me.
It isn't.
Good, 'cause that was a lie.
I hope it is me.
Ooh, I've got a smile.
Watch out.
I may take it the wrong way.
Could be trouble.
Oh, yeah, yeah, go ahead and pile it on.
No, there's just a lot going on right now.
My girlfriend is totally caught up in her new life.
Serena and I are not on good terms.
I haven't seen Dan in forever.
My best friend's on a mission that I know is only gonna get him hurt.
Chuck's on a mission? Yeah, he's looking for a missing relative.
And if you have to look that hard, it's never the answer you wanna find.
You know, I better run.
I'm gonna be late for my 11:00.
Jack, it's me.
I just heard from Nate that Chuck's still on the hunt.
We have to stop him snooping around, or sooner or later, he's going to find out the truth.
Hang on.
Serena is holding my site hostage.
If you don't get it back for me, I'll tell everyone the secret that made you afraid of me in the first place.
Hello.
I'm Lola Rhodes.
I'm here to read for the part of-- Your audition has been canceled.
What? No, I got a call yesterday.
There must be some mistake.
I don't understand.
Oh, maybe this "Gossip Girl" blast will help clarify it for you.
Lola is a diva.
Wannabe actress Lola Rhodes was overhead bragging, "Everyone knows the star's the thing.
"Real actors don't take direction.
Some are just better at pretending they do.
" You can go.
Rufus? It seems I've made too much salad.
Fine.
I, uh, I had it delivered, but it's a generous serving, enough for two, and I just happened to find myself in this neighborhood, and I thought you might like some leftovers.
You just happened to find yourself in this neighborhood? I may have ordered a car with no other destination than this one.
Please, take it.
I will eat your roughage, but we both know that's not why you're here.
Why can't you just admit you wanted to see me? Okay, fine.
I missed you.
I said it.
Rufus, the Upper East Side holds all the comforts I desire-- clean sidewalks, Bergdorf Goodman, and people whose job it is to open doors.
But there is no you.
And you're the only comfort I really need.
And the apartment just It just doesn't seem like a home without you in it.
And in my abundance of time alone this week, I had a chance to think, what would you say to me selling the apartment and us finding our own place-- one that fits us both? Really? You'd do that? You love that apartment.
I like that apartment a lot, but I love you.
And I want us to work.
Me, too.
So were you a hit? Hardly.
A nasty "Gossip Girl" blast landed before I did.
I didn't even get a chance to read.
You know, I really don't get it.
She's radio silent and then decides to go after me on the most important day of my life? Yeah.
Pfft.
I don't know.
Gossip Girl works in mysterious ways.
I guess she isn't so irrelevant after all, huh? Hey You didn't happen to mention anything about our conversation about Lars Von Trier, did you? I mean, not that I even said anything bad, but-- No, not--not a word.
Okay.
Well, I guess I'll just act like I'm not totally mortified and try and get on with my life.
Hopefully, this is the last I'm hearing from her.
Yeah, hopefully.
I'll talk to you later.
Isn't it exciting? Finally meeting the infamous Gossip Girl in the flesh.
Hi.
How many? Hi.
Two, please.
Thanks.
Why did we have to come all the way out here lunch? Actually, I was hoping we could go next door to the Community Garden.
They're having a tree-planting event.
My friend Alexis is covering it for McSweeney's, so she wanted to grab a photo of us going green.
What? No.
Just because a tree grows in Brooklyn does not mean I have to plant it.
I'm not going green.
I'm going home.
Wait a second.
Wait a second.
Look, we can't be photographed.
We are coming out tonight as a couple at the theater.
So we can come out now in Brooklyn and then uptown later.
I mean, it's--it's the best of both worlds.
Dan, a couple only has one chance to make a first impression on the world, and I'm not doing it knee-deep in fertilizer looking like Vanessa whatshername.
Look, Blair, I'm not trying to be difficult, but I don't wanna just melt into your world and lose myself completely.
We need a balance.
But I just spent the last year of my life playing Marie Antoinette to Prince Possessive.
I'm not going from Habsburg to Williamsburg.
I wanna be me.
And I wanna be me.
I'm sorry.
We didn't mean to eavesdrop, but we couldn't help but overhear your argument.
We've had the same fight over a million times.
I'm die-hard Upper East Side.
And I'm as Queens as acrylic nails.
So we know a thing or two about settling our differences.
Wait.
It's you.
You're Julian Tepper, and you're Jenna Gribbon.
You're like the Brangelina of the five boroughs.
How you doing? Hi.
I'm Blair Waldorf.
Dan.
Jenna.
Dan.
So how did you find a solution? What was your compromise? Well, that's a long story.
Well, we have time.
Lunch? I'm sorry about your audition.
I know how badly you wanted the part.
You'll get the next one, okay? Have you ever wondered who Gossip Girl actually is? Like, have you ever tried to find her? Yeah, of course.
You know, but she keeps her identity pretty well hidden.
I have a theory--Serena.
Serena what? Serena is Gossip Girl.
There's no use denying it.
I know you're the acting Queen of Cyberspace.
I also know that the real Gossip Girl has been badgering you to return her site.
I should warn you that she's prepared to go to great lengths to get what she wants, but this doesn't matter, because I want to help you stay on as Gossip Girl.
I want to protect your identity and help you keep the site.
Lola, that's ludicrous.
Serena's hated Gossip Girl since we were freshmen in high school.
I mean, you can read for yourself all the negative posts about her.
Well, of course Gossip Girl has to slam Serena sometimes.
It'd be pretty obvious if she didn't.
Why would you wanna help me? Maybe I'll be helping myself, too.
If you remember, I have a history with Gossip Girl.
Well, a history with Gossip Girl means you have something to hide.
I'm a woman who has lived.
I have plenty to hide.
But if you continue your reign as Gossip Girl, we both win.
Well, so far you've only told me how you do.
Lola, look, I know you're an actress, and there's a certain amount of quirkiness that I'm supposed to find charming, but this is too much.
You have to stop letting your imagination run wild.
Come on.
We have a reservation at Masa in 15 minutes.
Actually, I don't think I can go.
I have to fix the situation with my audition.
I have a great deal of influence in New York media.
I'll make sure that your version of "Gossip Girl" is the most popular web site in town.
I'm sorry, Nate.
Wait.
So what are you gonna do, call the director? Or just spend the whole afternoon obsessing about conspiracy theories? Seriously, Lola, it needs to stop.
I have to think about it.
Don't take too long.
Serena's Gossip Girl.
Just wait.
I'm gonna prove it to you.
I'll be at "The Spectator" after lunch.
You can give me your answer then.
Happy blogging.
And that is the story of how I got Julian and his Prada loafers to Astoria.
And now I love pork buns.
Who knew? Well, thank you for having lunch with us.
You've really given us hope.
Well, meals are easier to negotiate, but what about your social life? Actually, every month we host a salon.
Good food, good wine.
Intellectual discussion.
Not to brag, but people fight for invites.
You should come.
Agyness Deyn and Sara Sophie Flicker came to the last one, and Mario Carbone and Rich Torrisi did the menu, and then we screened "My Man Godfrey.
" Carole Lombard is my spirit animal.
We'll absolutely be at the next one.
Guys, this has been fun, but we've gotta go.
Nice meeting you.
Nice to meet you, too.
Very nice to meet you.
Dan.
Yeah.
I thought they were cute.
I wonder if it'll last.
To be transported back to the vicious circle.
It's so romantic and--and so au courant, so-- it's the perfect combination of you and me.
It's as if the Angelika was on 75th Street.
Let's forget the garden and the theater and just host a salon for our official coming out.
Its only fault is that I didn't think of it myself.
Come on! We have planning to do.
Yeah, I like that one.
Just tell him to put it in color, please.
Thanks.
Hey, have you seen Diana? Uh, yeah, she's downstairs, in her office.
So are we still in a fight? Uh, well, you did fire me, but, um, it actually turned out for the best.
I don't know about you, but I'd really like to put it behind us.
Yeah, me, too.
So what's new in your life? Uh, recently, I've had my hands full with your long-lost cousin.
What do you mean? Ever since Lola hit the "it" girl radar, she's been completely M.
I.
A.
, and I didn't think she was the type of girl to get caught up in it, but today there was this "Gossip Girl" blast about her, and she just kinda lost it-- All worked up, theories about who Gossip Girl is.
Well, who does she think it is? You, actually.
What? Yeah.
That's insane.
What have I ever done to her? No, I know.
It's crazy.
She's just upset her audition, looking for someone to blame.
Well, tell her not to look at me.
I really hope this ride doesn't change her.
I mean, she was such a sweet girl.
Hey, it was, um, good to talk to you.
I'm--I'm gonna go find Diana.
Yeah, you, too.
Good news, Jack.
I'm about to make a deal with Serena, and as long as she controls the "Gossip Girl" web site, no one will ever find out what I did for Chuck at the hospital.
Uh-oh, Diana.
Bye.
Looks like mischief is written into your D.
N.
A.
Okay, now that takes care of the flowers.
What glasses shall we use? Mason jars.
There is something to be said about that whole farm-to-table phenom.
Uh, wine? French.
Theme? Well, I have a thing for Du Maurier, and you hanker for T.
S.
Eliot.
We both love Radiohead.
"London Calling"-- An ode to the Brits.
It's perfect.
April Bloomfield will cater.
I do secretly love pub food when it's made with foie.
Who--who to invite? Serena? I-I really want us to have a chance at being successful tonight.
If she's there, we'll both be on edge.
So I think we should just wait till we have our footing.
Nate? At a salon? I'm not even gonna dignify that with a response.
Well, since we're breaking new ground together, why don't we bring some new people into the mix? Like, uh, how about our new couple friends? Well, they do qualify as influencers.
Approved.
And what about Diana Payne? She's British, and she's press.
If she writes about tonight, our new world will be the hottest destination in New York.
Oh, okay, Vanya.
I see you tonight.
Big kisses to you and Ana and Leo.
Mwah, mwah, mwah.
Hey, Dorota.
I'm here looking for Serena.
Have you seen her? Oh, miss Serena hiding in room all day long like blonde Unabomber.
You know the best part of this guest list? No "Gossip Girl" moles.
I mean, can you imagine an entire night without having to worry about embarrassing online photos or snarky e-blasts? And since we're gonna be surrounded by New York literati and Brooklyn's literati, it's the perfect opportunity for you to announce your second book.
You think that's a good idea? We'll be making our debut as a couple, and you can reclaim your place as the most important young writer in New York City.
Of course I think it's a good idea.
Vanya, Mr.
Humphrey will be back shortly, and he'll have some bags with him if you could help him upstairs.
I will be so happy to have Mr.
Humphrey back.
I haven't heard any great guitar riffs through the wall lately.
Oh! Here.
Thank you.
Hello? Rufus Humphrey, please.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Uh, my husband's not here at the moment.
He should be home in an hour or so.
This is the front desk at the Soho Grand.
I'm just calling to verify his credit card information.
Oh, I can do that.
What is he paying for? The stay of a hotel guest-- Ivy Dickens.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm-- I absolutely cannot verify that card.
Certainly not to pay for Ivy Dickens.
Okay.
Uh, thank you for your time.
Thank you.
Excuse me.
Weren't you working the night that Chuck Bass was brought into the hospital? Yes.
I remember that night well.
Do you happen to recognize this woman? Yes.
She arrived at the hospital the night of the accident.
She donated blood and left quickly before Mr.
Bass regained consciousness.
Thank you so much.
You've been a huge help.
Sure.
Hi.
This is Serena Van Der Woodsen, calling for Ms.
Payne.
I'm sorry.
She's not available at the moment.
Would you like to leave a message? Uh, do you know where I might find her? I need to speak with her immediately.
I-I have a lead on a story that I know she'll wanna break before the "Daily News".
Okay, uh, just a second.
She'll be attending the salon at Daniel Humphrey's this evening.
It's located at-- Yeah, okay, I got it.
Thank you.
I know you're mad at me, but if you'll just meet me at Dan's, I have proof that Serena is Gossip Girl.
Fine, but only on the condition that if your so-called proof comes up short, you'll agree to drop this once and for all.
Yes, absolutely.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
You won't regret it.
All right.
See you soon.
Any interest in, uh, taking a little field trip out to the 7-1-8? Sure.
I haven't been slumming in a while.
Seems New York's newest intellectuals are about to get dumbed down.
Welcome, everybody.
Tonight is about wit and wisdom and discussion.
Our theme of the evening, as you know, is all things British.
And our menu, prepared by chef April Bloomfield, takes its inspiration from that theme.
So as each new dish is served, a new topic of discussion will be introduced.
Food service will begin momentarily, but until then, Dan and I are so pleased to be hosting you.
Cheerio! Here, here! Sorry I'm late.
Late? How can you be late to an event you didn't even know was happening? What are you doing here? In the madness of planning this soiree, you must have forgotten to invite me.
But it's okay.
Don't stop on account of me.
I'll just make myself at home.
Um, the first course is a lovely combination of Look, it's Lola.
I'm wearing the Lola.
Wait, you invited her? Yes.
No.
Talk amongst yourselves.
Dan and I will be back in a London minute.
I am trying to maintain a stiff British upper lip, but how can I keep calm and carry on with those two here? Serena will spend the whole night judging us, and Lola is probably just trying to squeeze every last drop of free press out of the night so she can move on from the community theater circuit.
Blair, our salon can easily handle a few party crashers.
And besides, you should be at least a little flattered that they both made it all the way to Brooklyn to check it out.
Look Tonight is gonna be great.
Deal? Deal.
Isn't this exciting, Dan making his big book announcement tonight? Hey, wasn't it Gossip Girl who first broke the news about "Inside"? I think so.
Do you think she'll break the news about the sequel tonight, or will someone else beat her to the punch? I mean, there are a lot of media types here.
Of course, maybe Gossip Girl is here, too.
In which case, she doesn't have to worry.
Gossip Girl doesn't need to travel to get her news.
She's got sources everywhere.
Really? Even at a party like this? I mean look around.
Who would be sending Gossip Girl tips? Well, all I'm saying is that this book party is a pretty big deal.
I think Gossip Girl would have to post about it to stay relevant.
Look, I understand Gossip Girl's probably pretty fascinating to a newcomer like you, but to me, she's just not.
If you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go rejoin the other guests.
What are you doing here? I'm not sure.
Nate invited me.
What are we doing here? Well, Lola invited us.
Hi, hi, hi.
Where do you get off inviting people to my salon? Explain yourself.
Yes, Lola, I think an explanation's in order.
Nate, listen to me.
Blair, leave it.
I know you think I've completely lost it, but I'm about to prove to you once and for all that Serena is Gossip Girl.
But what if you're wrong? I'm not.
Serena crashed this party because she heard that Dan was gonna announce the topic of his second book, and I promise you that 30 seconds later, it's gonna be all over "Gossip Girl.
" Yeah, well, that doesn't prove anything.
I mean, anyone here could send in a tip, including Dan.
Fine.
I have a better idea.
Wait, Lola-- No.
I'll show you.
Trust me.
So, Mr.
Humphrey, how you like new magnetic fields? I love it.
Hey, Lil.
Can you just leave these here? Thank you.
Have you secretly been putting Ivy Dickens up in a hotel? Yes, I have.
You left her penniless, I'm the one who convinced her to move out.
I felt responsible, couldn't let her live on the street.
Why not? She's a thief.
That's exactly where she belongs.
She's a young girl.
She has nothing.
She has no family, no friends.
No money.
I could care less about Ivy, which you well know.
How could you help this girl Lily, you have to under-- After what she did to our family? I did what I thought was right.
With my money.
I used my own personal credit card.
At least now I know how you really feel.
This is clearly a much bigger issue.
Entrees are almost ready, but I've ran out of ice, and I need the ice to finish off my dessert and my special cocktail.
I think Meryl Streep was a perfect In the world of the novel, London has become the very idea of the big city.
I need to speak with you.
Excuse me.
Graham Greene.
Martin Amis.
Discuss.
Okay, don't freak out, but since everybody's crashing, April's running short on ice.
We need to run out and get some more, so dinner's gonna be delayed.
How long? No.
You know what? We can handle this.
W.
W.
D.
P.
D.
? Mm? What would Dorothy Parker do? Uh, get them drunk until we get back.
Of course.
A-a liquid diet of booze and great intellectual discussion should suffice.
Can I top off anyone's wine? Nothing gets conversation flowing like a good red.
Dan, why are we discussing British literary figures when we have New York's most celebrated author in our midst? An author with an announcement, perhaps? Good evening, everyone.
Sorry I'm late.
Oh, Diana.
Just the person I was hoping to see.
Do--do you have a moment to speak privately? Sure.
And we're off to get the ice.
So I'm assuming you have an answer for me.
What do you say? Me and my resources plus Gossip Girl is a powerful combination.
Well, I don't know.
Usually when I enter into a partnership with someone, I-I like to know everything about them.
I-I think they call that vetting? Vet away, darling.
Well, I just have a couple questions.
Like, where were you the night of Chuck's accident, November 18th? I was I was here in New York.
And do you happen to know where he was treated for his injuries? Or his blood type? Do you know the date he was born or where you were on that date? I know what you're getting at.
Well, if you know what I'm getting at, then why don't you answer for me? Or would you like me to do that? What do you want me to say? The nurse recognized you.
You saved Chuck's life.
And you did that because I'm Chuck's mother.
If you want my advice, it's run, Lola, run, 'cause you just let out the mother of all secrets.
Is it true? Yes, Charles, it is.
Don't.
Just stay right there.
You have been in New York for months, inviting me to parties, hiring my friends, hanging out in my apartment in your underwear, banging my best friend.
Did it not occur to you to mention this, that you were my mother?! Please, Chuck, I can explain.
I-I can't do this right now or ever.
I can't.
Well, this is the most dramatic salon I've ever been to.
Very unbritish, if you ask me.
I hope you're pleased with yourself.
I was right all along.
You're actually her.
You're Gossip Girl.
Even if I am, it doesn't matter.
Do you realize the damage that you've just done? You had no right to do that.
Who wants another Pimm's Cup? Wait.
What happened here? Where's everyone going? That was more soap opera than salon.
This never would've happened at the Oracle Club.
This was supposed to be our coming out party.
It was supposed to capture who we are as a couple, but it wasn't smart or interesting.
It wasn't uptown or downtown.
It was a bloody mess.
Blair, it was-- it was just a party.
No, it wasn't.
We tried to create a new world for our relationship to exist in, but we failed miserably.
You don't want to live in my world, and I certainly don't want to live in yours.
So where does that leave us? I don't know.
I'm genuinely sorry that I hurt Chuck today.
I'm not sorry I hurt you.
Here's your coat, sir.
Please, whatever you do, just don't tell anyone what you know.
Nate, wait.
Where are you going? I need to find Chuck and make sure he's all right.
I'm sorry.
This is all my fault.
I told you to leave things alone.
It's one thing to accuse Serena of being Gossip Girl.
But sending in that video about Chuck? I can't forgive that.
I mean, do you have anything to say for yourself? No.
Thank you.
The Brits say "God save the Queen.
" But it looks like Lola is the one in need of a royal S.
O.
S.
Nate, I need to speak with you and Chuck.
We don't have anything to say to you.
You need to go now.
It's okay.
I may be angry, but I need to know the truth.
You running away? No.
Joining the army? Auditioning for one of those "America's Got Idol Talent Factor" shows? I was hoping I could have a sleepover with you.
You do realize that means you'd be entering my world.
I do.
Our relationship is not choosing one world or another.
Our relationship is our world.
Well, then tonight our relationship was a world-wide disaster.
It's probably not gonna be our last, but we have to face these disasters together.
We're a team.
So maybe we can be a team at the met ball? Absolutely.
And, uh, at a beet pickling festival.
Mmm.
You know I wouldn't be caught dead at a beet pickling festival? I'm just messing with you.
I met your father when he was still with Elizabeth.
I was very young.
I couldn't resist him.
He was charming, handsome.
It felt as if he had the whole world at his feet.
I knew he was involved with someone else.
You mean married.
Yeah.
We had an affair, and it only ended when I got pregnant.
But you kept the baby.
You must have wanted me.
I mean, why did you give me up? I was a mess.
Mixed up in the wrong things with the wrong people.
Unfit to raise a child.
And then Elizabeth-- she couldn't get pregnant.
It seemed like a way to solve all our problems.
So you made a deal.
After it was over, I left town, alone and ashamed.
But a few years later, when I heard that Elizabeth had died, although I now know that wasn't the case, I came back.
But Elizabeth couldn't do it.
She couldn't stick to her end of the bargain, to raise someone else's child as her own.
I wanted to see you desperately.
But Bart thought it would be too confusing for you.
So you just stayed away until eight months ago? When I came back to the city last fall, I was hoping to watch over you from afar.
Nate's bed is not that far.
Well, I didn't intend for things to get as serious as they did with Nate.
And then I thought, if you never find out the truth, what's the harm? So what does it all mean Now that I know? That's for you to decide.
You know where to find me.
Haven't you stirred up enough trouble for one night? I came to return this.
Why didn't you tell Nate when you had the chance? Because I knew it would hurt him if he found out.
You're one of his best friends.
Even when you guys are mad at each other, he still cares about you.
I couldn't ruin Chuck's life and Nate's in the same night.
Can I just ask why? Why do you do it? I only became Gossip Girl recently, and--and right now it's the only thing I have.
I mean, it's--it's the only thing in my life that I can hold on to, you know, because a lot of times my life is just really out of control.
Well, I get that, but you're doing exactly what was done to you and to everyone else.
Yeah.
I mean, I was hurt, sure, but I survived.
A little adversity can actually be good for you.
You'll see how things work around here.
No, I won't, actually.
I'm officially resigning from the Upper East Side.
I have a whole life at Julliard where the drama's reserved for the stage, and I think I belong back there.
So if you want the Upper East Side back, it's all yours.
You're the only "it" girl that matters, anyway.
You see to that yourself.
The Upper East Side is filled with high rollers.
Sorry, sir, but your debit card was declined.
Are you sure about that? Why don't you try running it again? I did.
Four times, to be precise.
Sorry about that.
Here you go.
I don't need change.
Some people choose to bet on themselves while others are happy to bet on someone else.
I'm sorry, but if you insist that Damien Hirst's work is anything but simple-minded, sensationalist, and fatuous, I'm not sure I'll be able to lay my head next to yours tonight.
That's--that's fine, but you can't deny that his influence on the art market as we know it today is massive.
But luck is a funny thing.
It's easy to accept it when it goes your way.
But when it doesn't call it injustice, call it treachery Hey, mom.
You were right.
The Upper East Side is toxic.
I never should have stepped foot in it, just like you warned me.
But, um, you don't have to worry because I'm done with it.
There's nothing else tying me to the Van Der Woodsens or their world, so I have to say, it's huge relief.
Talk to you soon.
But remember, the most important rule in gambling is that the house always wins.
You know you love me.
X.
O.
X.
O.
, Gossip Girl.